Saturday, January 13, 2018

The Forum - Vol. 235 - DD's Impact on Female Sexuality

Strong women intimidate boys and excite men. -- unknown

Hello all.  Welcome back to The Forum, our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationships.  I hope you all had a great week.

Personally, I am having a really, really hard time switching from holiday laziness to something resembling productive work.  I just don't feel very motivated to get back into the workaday grind.  Thankfully,  MLK Day here in the U.S. came along and gave me another slight reprieve.  I hope you all enjoy yours as well. 

As I talked about last week, I've been in a bit of a "bad boy" kind of mood.  A little more focused on fun and games than I was in 2017.  In fact, it's a bit of a departure from my usual mindset.  I tend to be fairly intense by nature, and I'm sure my attraction to DD is related to that intensity in some way.  As with the rest of my life, I gravitate toward an intense form of accountability and seem to need more intense and rigorous consequences.  Now, I'm probably not going to get very far in any effort to change that, because it just is who I am.  But, what I think I can aspire to is a bit more of a "work hard, play hard" variation of intensity, with a little more emphasis on the "play" aspect that has been under-served the last few years.

So, what does all this have to do with today's topic?  Well, thinking about play seems to lead kind of naturally to thinking about sex. At least for those of us with a bent toward the kinkier things in life.  We've talked before about whether DD is inherently sexual or driven by a sexual desire, so let's not focus on that.  What I'd like to talk about instead is the extent to which Domestic Discipline has enhanced (or not) the quality of your sex life.

Even more particularly, has it increased the Disciplinary Wife's sexual confidence and aggressiveness?  Has taking over the role of keeping you inline and on track inevitably resulted in her taking charge more in the bedroom?

If so, how does that manifest itself?  Does she take more physical control?  Does her attitude and demeanor in bed reflect a greater level of aggression, control or dominance?

And, if she hasn't taken things in that direction, do you want her to?

I've been thinking about these things not only because of this general stirring of my inner "bad boy," but because after years of doing DD, my wife does seem to be getting more sexually aggressive as a result of her increased focus on FLR.  It's subtle, but she is initiating sex more often. Not just initiating, but commanding.  Earlier this week, she sent me a text simply telling me that we were going to be having sex that night so I needed to make sure I wrapped up all work and other activities by 9:00.  In bed, she also seems increasingly prone to taking over, grabbing my hair, twisting nipples, etc.  It's a pretty exciting development, and I've told her I hope she keeps exploring her sexuality in these ways.

So, tell us how Domestic Discipline has impacted your sex life, or how you would like it to. Wives, I would love to hear more from you on this topic in particular.

Have a great week.

34 comments:

  1. Hello Dan this is Chelle, I commented this morning on your previous posts. I think I have become more confident and also more aggressive sexually and otherwise after a while of "handling and/or taking my husband in hand."
    As I'd written previously I paddled him well this morning. (I'm satisfied to add the decorations have all been removed and put away.) I do get excited now or worked up at some point thinking about or actually spanking my man. After this mornings session I have become aroused not just from paddling him but also knowing he was doing what needed to be done thanks to me taking him in hand and also knowing he was handling things with a red bottom. I think just thinking about his red rear a lot gets me going. That's why I decided to order in rather than go out tonight. He's going to make sure I'm satisfied tonight and I intend to climb on top and ride him like a wild stallion! I'm almost 90% sure I'm tanning his hide as I'd mentioned earlier as well. If I do I don't know when but I love the thought of riding him and telling him "oh and when we're done I'm going to tan your hide!" SO the whole thing has become very sexual and enhanced my sex life and drive. I've never done it but it's so hot to fantasize having wild sex, rolling over next too each other and catching our breath. Then saying something like, "that was great, I love you. Get my belt please."
    Is that wrong? Chelle

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    1. Chelle, sorry, thought I responded to this earlier. I am not surprised that DD excites you as the disciplinarian, given that it undoubtedly has a sexual component for most of the men who ask for it, nor am I surprised that it is his compliance with your orders that excites you as much or more than the actual spanking. They say power is the ultimate aphrodisiac, right? If so, it is hardly surprising that DD wives come to get off on exercising it just as their husbands get off on being subjected to it, even if they hate the spanking itself.

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  2. Slightly conflicted on this weeks topic. Mrs GL is always welcome to explore any aspect of sexuality she wishes, and I would, within my own understanding of limits, give it a go. However those limits are shaped by what I would or would do to her. So for example, I would never grab her chin/skill in the way depicted in the article and tbus don't expect to have that occur to me. I have mildly slapped be bum and gentily pulled her hair in the past during love making so by definition would accept the same. Hope that makes sense? Anything neither of us have done before would need agreement I suspect. However being spanked straight after sex sounds wonderful... Cheers Good Life Mickey.

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    1. It makes sense given the context of your particular relationship. For me, things like the chin grabbing are exactly what I want her to do, and the less she asks my consent to do it, the better.

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  3. It most certainly has an impact on my beloveds behavior. She now kisses me und kind of takes hold of me in a significantly more enthusiastic and even a little possesive way. I now often do get a hearty smack on the butt when she walks by and she sometimes tussles my hair and pinches my cheek.
    She also seems to genuinely enjoy spanking me now. Marvelling about 'how red those cheecks are'.
    All in all it seems to have a positive effect on her. For my part, I'm overjoyed.

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  4. The answer to your question, our roles have led to a very simple practice. no matter what is going on, if Rosa suddenly or even unexpectedly gets the urge, she simply says, "give me an O". That's it. No elaborate ritual involved. There's no way I'm going to refuse her and she then gets exactly what she wants. Afterwards she might just as easily go about her business....or go to sleep for a bit.

    I am sure you all realize that me telling her, "give me an O" is not received the same way. ;-)

    As for the earlier part of your post..............keep in mind, you can do the same thing the same way and by changing only your perspective, have it be very different.

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    1. That's a good point -- perspective and attitude is everything. As you said about resolutions, a good one is to just chill out and not take things as seriously. It's not about doing different things. Rather, it's about not getting all wrapped up around the outcomes associated with the things you do.

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  5. Hi Dan,
    Great topic, as always! In response to your main question, I would say that definitely there is a linkage between DD and our sex life.

    We have always been very sexually active and do something almost every night, as well as sometimes mornings. This is somewhat helped by the fact that we have only been together for a few years. I don't know about other couples, but at least to me it seems above average, especially since I am over 50 and she is in her 40's. We are also quite wild in bed and always have been.

    I can't say that DD has made sex more frequent, but I do think that it has probably kept it from becoming less frequent as time has passed. At the same time, I can say that it certainly has made us rougher in bed, especially her towards me. She was always a little aggressive, but I would say it has ramped up several more notches. Also, while she was always quick enough to initiate sex, it seems that as we have gotten more into DD, she seems to be more in control of what we do and when and projects much more of an in-charge attitude.

    Your comment really resonated with me: "I am having a really, really hard time switching from holiday laziness to something resembling productive work. I just don't feel very motivated to get back into the workaday grind." For me, it is not so much a matter of the holidays that got me down, but rather life. As I have said previously, though I am from the USA we live in eastern Europe. I am trying to start a technology company here, and have been trying for quite a few years. Several years ago, everything fell apart with my company basically failing and my marriage of many years ending in divorce, plus my children going off to college, leaving me rather depressed and unmotivated.

    I am now trying again to develop something new and form a new company, but I just cannot seem to get any sort of momentum going. Even when I work, I am not nearly as productive as I need to be, and I am generally uninspired. Since it is do or die right now and I have just been bouncing along the bottom, I enlisted the help of my wife to help motivate me. Normally, she would not pay any attention to work or business, and I wouldn't want her to, but in this case I just am not getting it done, so I really needed her to help.

    She is now holding me accountable to make a real effort at my work, with daily reporting culminating in weekly accountability sessions. These result in a maintenance spanking at the least and severe punishment if I don't stay on top of things. So far this week, I am already to a punishment spanking since I had one day that I basically did nothing, so I am trying to toe the line. At the same time, we are trying to make me more organized, so this next several months is a lot like boot camp for me. Anway, it is certainly an interesting time, and I will keep you posted on how this goes.

    -ZM

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    1. Hi ZM. Definitely do keep us updated on the work accountability developments. My own laziness and lack of productivity continues unabated. Though I am not facing your "do or die" situation, there is one work-related task that I constantly fail to do or do on time and my slipshod approach to it truly does end up having a negative effect on my quality of life because it is a daily task that eventually has to be done. I usually resort to spending hours each weekend trying to catch up on this thing I should have done daily during the week. For that reason, I am seriously contemplating asking her to institute a short term daily reporting process for that one daily task, leading to a paddling each and every time I fail to do it. My thought it is I have to report it as soon as I get home, bringing the paddle to her if I have failed to meet the task that day. Then, she would simply paddle me in the kitchen or her office or wherever she happens to be, thereby minimizing the impact on her time.

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    2. Dan
      I have asked Anna more than once to guide me to better organization at my work. In our case, because the boys are home and about when i come home, i call and she will buzz down to my office. ( We live now only 10 minutes from where i work). When she arrives, we dont speak .
      She picks up a ping pong paddle swats me and leaves When i come home half an hour later
      she is cooking as if nothing happened. Three days in a row and i seem to find my way to get
      the work done. I might add this doesnt eliminate any discipline on our usual friday evenings.

      peter

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    3. Hi Peter. This is becoming a major, major issue for me. I just cannot seem to get my head in the game at work right now, despite getting a serious spanking just last night!

      Do you find the ping pong paddle really works as a serious deterrent? It's such a light instrument.

      How do your co-workers react to Anna just popping in like that? I assume they don't suspect anything about what is going on in your office?

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    4. DAN
      The paddle she uses is lined with rubber matting. stings like hell....funnily enough one worker , a newer guy approached me while at lunch last week. Asked me innocently if i was a bad boy?
      I freaked a bit and then realized it had nothing to do with Anna's visits. Usually when she comes to my office most if not all workers are gone. If someone is still there we shut the door. I am enough of a bear that everyone knows if the door is shut go away.: ) It also doesnt eliminate the lecture before bed, the other nite 43 minutes on my knees being drilled about my behavior
      peter

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    5. Kneeling for 43 minutes sounds horrific in and of itself.

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  6. She has always been happy for me to take control with sex. However, spanking improves sex for us because she feels more connected because whatever issues existed were resolved during the spanking.

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  7. Dan
    What a great topic! Both Peter and I have been talking about it all weekend.

    Peter and I met at work. Fresh from college, we worked side by side in equal positions, etc. When we married everything was 50/50. As Peter's career was taking off I quit working and the boys were born. Slowly, it seemed I felt I went from partner to employee. Long story short we ended up on the verge of divorce and neither of us was happy.
    DD was the last solution we would try before divorce. I reclaimed my equality and demanded Peter begin
    to follow a few rules we both agreed upon and when those rules were broken discipline. It worked!
    The bonus for both of us was better behavior and much much better sex. Peter once he submitted to discipline discovered he enjoyed those moments of as he calls it " the freedom of submission".

    It didnt happen over night but this past year we seem to have found a new equality, better sex and yes
    after I crack the whip, we can embrace and I find more each day a return of the man, the real man that I began this journey with. I read somewhere IT TAKES A REAL MAN TO KNEEL. To that I say AMEN!

    anna

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    1. How has it improved sex if you don't mind my asking.

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    2. Hi Anna. Hope you and Peter are well and had a good holiday. It sounds like DD did wonders for you, including the improved sex. I completely understand Peter's fondness for the "freedom of submission." I often think of it as the paradoxical freedom of having no choice.

      Regarding the "It takes a real man to kneel," you should watch The Crown on Netflix. Particularly the coronation episode. Big time D/s themes and the whole thing is about a man kneeling.

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    3. Perhaps it is because men do it so well!
      anna

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  8. Sex is not (fortunately) linked with DD in my experience with N. (my late wife) or J., but there is no doubt that both derive(d) an erotic stimulus from the (many) punishments they thought I deserved...
    Both of them, I am sure, must have felt "empowered" from requiring sex after having sternly chastised me - and I must admit I never objected...
    L.

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    1. N. once told me that L. did object a couple of times when she first decided to spank him - before they got married, I believe - but that he quickly learned that it only earned him a doubled "helping"!... And, from what I heard, it also prompted her to have him follow her to a neighborhood store where she chose a martinet - which he had to pay for after she had made it clear how it would be used!... I later saw her wield it a few times, and I used it myself when L. and I started dating after N's untimely death, but I later got another martinet of my own (as well as some other 'tools') in addition to some of those that N. had used...
      J.

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  9. Adopting FLR has definitely changed our sex life, but not necessarily increased it, at least for me.

    Previously, I was the primary initiator. I would initiate with gentle caresses and kisses. If she was in the mood or inclined to get into the mood, she would let that progress. Otherwise, she shunned my affection. Now, these gestures are treated only as expressions of affection and not as requests for sex. As a result, they happen far more often. Sometimes, this affection puts her in the mood for sex, but there is no expectation that being receptive to affection will lead to sex.

    She used to give subtle hints when she was in the mood. Now, she has learned that I don't catch subtle hints, so she is very direct about it. If she is reading a romance novel that gets her juices flowing, she calls me over, lifts her skirt, spreads her legs, and says that she needs attention. Before, she didn't ask for oral, or even permit it, unless she was in the mood to reciprocate. She doesn't worry about that anymore.

    Before, there was no chance of sex for a few days after I did something that upset her. Now, once she has reddened my bottom, the odds are at least as good as if my misbehavior never happened.

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    1. Thanks, Anonymous. I suspect most women would get more of what they want if they would get over this silly idea that most men are capable of catching subtle hints.

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  10. Hard to say how it has "affected" our sex life, as we waited until we were married and we have always practiced spanking since the wedding night: - we agreed the summary details before the wedding. It has been fixed into our routine since then.

    Spanking hasn't really caused me to be taking charge sexually. With us, it is a temporary power exchange: - he bares his bottom and I spank him as hard and often until I feel that the issue (perhaps disciplinary) has been dealt with, at which point I feel happy to revert back. We tend to use variants of the missionary position which reflects this. I'm happy with this, as the spanking gives me the chance to deal with whatever needs to be dealt with.

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    1. Thanks, Anonymous. Sounds like the arrangement works well for you.

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  11. Hi Dan. Back from vacation and awaiting a discussion for my behavior in the horrible traffic. She said it would dealt with later... Here when Dev gives a disciplinary spanking there is no sex for for at least a day. After the paddling is over I feel physically and emotionally drained. I would love it if she would be more aggressive sexually afterward. She has always said there should be no reward for my bad behavior.

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    1. Thanks, Jr. For us, it varies whether we have sex after a spanking. More often than not we do, if the spanking happens over the weekend. During the week, she usually goes to sleep immediately after.

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  12. I've just started spanking my boyfriend. I've spanked him twice. I've found I want sex right after I'm finished spanking him, but I have to be strong and make him complete his corner time. If I'm going to discipline, I have to be disciplined myself. I've had to find things to do, but I've managed to control myself until he's completed the regimen I've decreed. I usually keep him in the corner a little longer than I intended just to make sure.

    -Letitia

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    1. Thanks, Letitia. You make a great point that being the disciplinarian requires one to be disciplined herself. Thanks for joining in.

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  13. My wife is definitely more dominant in bed following a spanking. Apologies, hope this isn't too much information for this group; many of the things mentioned in this posting happen with her often ballbusting (with the knee) just before climaxing.

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