Hi all. Welcome back to the Forum. Our interactive gathering of men and women who are participating or interested in being in a Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationship.
I hope you all had a great week. By the end of mine, I was reminded tha periods of frenetic activity are almost always, for me at least, followed by days of abject laziness, sometimes capped by royally blowing off steam. I experienced bits of all those this week after coming down off of a major work project that had been truly all-consuming for the better part of a month. As most of those projects go in my world, there is a definite end-point. So, you go from running at a balls-out pace to a dead stop. I find that it is the period right after that "dead stop" in which I tend to get in trouble. When I have 50 things on my to-do list, I get them all done. When it's back down to five things, I accomplish precisely none of them. I also have a tendency to look at the clock around 4:00 pm and say, "Well, since I don't have much going on anyway, let's rally the troops and get happy hour going early." And one happy hour cocktail soon become four. Which is all my way of saying that I probably have a good, long punishment spanking coming this weekend, and I probably richly deserve it.
Before getting to this week's topic, a note on -- "bitchiness." I had another of those experiences last week that verified for me just how insidious this view among women is that if they take control they will be perceived as bitches, which may or may not be true, but what is true is how much they care! Over the course of this work project, I watched one of our younger female team members do something that represented playing way, way above her level. Just stunningly impressive from someone who was supposed to be too junior to pull something like that off. When things wrapped up, we had a team "bonding" event that became the usual booze fest. During the course of said festivities, she asked me for pointers on how to get even better. I told her that she had exhibited technical skills way above what anyone thought she should have at this stage, so now she just needed to work on developing a level of confidence that matches the ability. She then asked what I freaking knew she was going to ask: "But, how do I do that without sounding bitchy?" I then gave her a five minute lecture on how that concern about being perceived as bitchy was likely going to be the #1 thing getting in the way of becoming all she could otherwise be, and that regardless of the price paid for being perceived as bitchy, it will not be nearly as high as the price paid for self-censoring and not living up to her full potential all because of some faux egalitarianism or hesitancy to offend. It is just so frustrating seeing young women with so much potential dumb themselves down purely because of someone else's perception or, more accurately, the mere possibility of such a perception. And, if people see a strong woman as a bitch . . . so what?? When I tell a male subordinate that he screwed up, do you think he doesn't leave the office muttering to himself, "Asshole." It's the same thing, but for some reason women just care about it way more. Like I said, insidious.
I also had a pleasant surprise this week. During this lull in the work activity, I caught up on some reading, including a book entitled "The Good Wife's Guide to Taking Charge: A Female Led Relationship Primer" by Rebecca Lawson (available on Amazon). Unlike a lot of the junk out there that I've read on this topic, this one really focused on the reality of these relationships and implementing them in the real world. I was going through the "Some Resources" section in the back, and this quote brought me up short:
"I also recommend The Disciplined Husbands Forum (disciplinedhubbies.blogspot.
I've always wanted to be a published author myself but have lacked the commitment to make it happen, so I guess I will settle on getting mentioned in an actual book!
So, on to this week's topic. I got a little testy with a commenter last week who started going down the, "If everyone is REALLY doing DD then why the desire to get spanked . . ." thing. I admit, I really just get tired of people questioning other people's sincerity or motivations. Just because you don't "get it" doesn't mean others don't. It probably just means this lifestyle isn't for you and you should move on to another blog that better suits your interests. But, there was a more legitimate point that focusing on the mechanics of the spanking sometimes means we aren't having the bigger "why" discussions. (Of course, I've also noticed I tend to get more comments on the blander, "What's your favorite spanking instrument" kind of topics -- just goes to show you can't please everyone.) So, for this week, I'll throw out one of those more open ended questions: Why domestic discipline or FLR? Why did you want (or agree) to take your relationship in this direction? What need does it fulfill for you, assuming it does? While a lot of FLR stories involve the woman imposing the relationship on the screw-up husband, the dominant reality is the men often do the initiating. So, why do we want it? What gap does it fill for you? And, for the women who did initiate it or went along with a request, does it fulfill your needs too?
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