"Less is More" or "More is More" - Spanking Frequency and a Wife Taking Away her Husband's Control (The Club - Meeting 545)

Reasonable orders are easy enough to obey; it is capricious, bureaucratic or plain idiotic demands that form the habit of discipline. - Barbara W. Tuchman

Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Wives Club - Tribute.  Our weekly on-line gathering of women and men who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.

 

I hope you had a great week.  Mine was, for the first time in a long while, very painful on the Domestic Discipline front.  Our long pause had been the result of two independent factors.  First, my recovery from surgery made a spanking kind of dicey. Second, my behavior had been surprisingly good for a surprisingly long time.  The first has become less of an issue.  As for the second, it was always just a matter of time, right? 

 

Because it had been so long, I knew it was going to hurt like hell.  The anticipatory nerves were stronger than I’ve had in a while.  Although the sentiment expressed in this meme is a wise way to approach an upcoming butt blistering, it doesn’t really take account of just how bad those ten minutes are, does it?  

 

 

Moreover, this incident involved not one spanking, but two.  But, that's a story for another post.

So, today I write this sitting on a very sore ass.  Yet, overall, I feel better now that concrete steps were taken to get us back on course.

 

Thanks to those who participated on last week’s topic.  I hope you enjoyed the posts by Strict Consistent Wifey.  The vulnerability and openness with which she writes about her DD relationship is wonderful.  I hope she keeps it up for a long time to come!

 

A few weeks ago, TB left a comment that I’ve been planning to build a topic around.  So, here goes:

 

Our ladies can be quite fickle. Only a few weeks ago I reported that we had, after a long discussion, agreed that we (she) would focus on much more severe but less frequent spankings directly linked to some specific behaviour improvements and goals. The theory being that I would be more motivated to avoid such truly painfully long sessions.

 

On Tuesday, she announced a ‘reset’ in response to a relatively minor misdemeanour the night before. It was what I would call an uncomfortable but ‘medium’ strapping.

 

Two days later she again expressed dissatisfaction with some minor irritability on my behalf, and I was duly punished once more, still feeling the effects of the previous very recent punishment.

 

It’s been a long time since I have been subjected to two strappings within 48 hours. When I (tentatively) reminded her of our discussion about ‘less is more’, she calmly replied that she was now of the clear view that ‘more is more’ and that any and every misdemeanour she intended to deal with even if it meant daily punishments. I have no idea what has changed her view… She was the exact opposite of ‘angry’ before and during the second session - more like ‘confident, relaxed and determined’ which is quite an intimidating combination.

 

Just shows how much control I have!!

 

Consistent with some of my recent posts, I’m not going to seek to come up with a single, tightly defined topic.  Instead, I’ll talk about some of the points TB’s comment raised for me and invite the rest of you to do the same.

 

The primary issue his comment raises for me is the nature of “control” and how a DD relationship inherently means giving it up to some degree.  More specifically, for me it raises how the act of giving up some control may, and probably often does, result in having even more control taken away.

 

Giving up control and handing it over to the wife was central to the lifestyle the Disciplinary Wives Club advocated.  It was explicitly stated in the Tips & Methods section:

 

“The first thing you must do is to explain the golden rule of your proposed (or existing) disciplinary relationship. He must render complete obedience to you with regard to disciplinary issues at all times and must be willing to carry out any and all orders you give him without question or hesitation.”

 

 In her pamphlet on “Persuading”, which was aimed at helping men approach their wives about taking up the paddle, Aunt Kay advised husbands to make this handing over of control an explicit part of the “pitch” to their wives about what a DWC relationship would entail.  She saw it as part of the “confidence building” process for new Disciplinary Wives. 

Always remember this vital point. The central point in a DWC relationship is that you both agree that the DWC wife owns the "stronger role" and that the  man cannot, ever, use his superior strength to intimidate the woman or to prevent her from administering discipline. He must always submit, even if he thinks she is wrong. With this reality firmly in your mind you will be helping her still further to experience the reality of the whole program.

 

Although handing over control was central to her message, she was a realist that it wasn’t an easy thing to do and that not getting his way could lead to some resentment, finishing her thoughts on his obligation to always submit with this:

 

Guess what, bad boys have resented getting their comeuppance since the

beginning of time. That doesn't change. 

  

One question I’d have for the group is to what extent have you handed total control over disciplinary matters in the way Aunt Kay describes?

 

Although she recognized how challenging giving up control can be, isn’t it also part of the “why” for some of us?  I know that it was a big part of the morbid attraction I had to the DWC when I first discovered it. I’ve always had a strong need to feel like I’m in control of my life, and my profession exacerbated my control “issues”.  Yet, by the time I discovered the DWC, I was starting to understand that being in control all the time felt increasingly like a burden.

 

Therefore, as I recall, taking away some of my control and handing it over to Anne was part of my “pitch” to her when I first told her about the DWC.

 

It also is, coincidentally, the only thing about our DWC arrangement that she has spoken about to our adult kids.  A couple of years ago, one of them commented to Anne that she seemed to increasingly in charge in our relationship, including making more decisions on her own.  The conversation took her by surprise, as we’ve never said anything to them about the power exchange we’ve been exploring for so long.  Her response was something to the effect of, “Your dad is always in charge at work, and he gets tired of making all the decisions all the time.  So, when he’s home he would rather leave more things up to me.” A more thoroughly honest response would have been more like this:

 

Another issue TB’s comment raised for me is that when we give up control to our wives in a real and substantial way, there is always the possibility that they will take things in a direction we didn’t anticipate and might even disagree with.

 

He wanted something like this:

 

But, she went in the opposite direction. Something more like this, only even more rigorous:

 

 

For me, that hasn’t happened often, but there have been a few times. It hasn’t been so much about big issues like what the approach to spanking frequency should be, as it was for TB, but more along the lines of her taking some offense more seriously than I did or, on a few occasions, punished me for something I didn’t really agree with.

 

I’ve talked a few times about one incident from several years ago, in which Anne spanked me for forgetting to clean a rice cooker after dinner.  Getting spanked for it wasn’t a surprise; I had forgotten to clean it several times before and her frustration with the ongoing forgetfulness had been apparent.  What surprised me was the severity of the spanking she doled out.  It was very long and very, very hard.  Her demeanor was also very stern.  After she thoroughly blistered my ass, she told me, in a very authoritative voice, to get dressed and go clean the rice cooker. Then, she walked out of the room with a confident stride.

 

I still recall how tender my ass was as I pulled my pants up.  But, what I really remember is having this very disquieting realization that I was not in control anymore and she was.  I had seen the rice cooker thing as a fairly minor offense and had expected a moderate spanking.  Instead, she had laid into me hard and long. 

 

In the past, I’d gotten very hard spankings, but I’d almost always agreed that I had them coming.  As it turns out, that agreement and acceptance had blunted some of their emotional force.  This time, I’d gotten the kind of “good licking” that Aunt Kay advocated for, but for something I had seen as not a big deal.  It was . . . unsettling . . . having it demonstrated in such a painful way that I had asked her to take away my control, and she finally had.  It wasn't that we disagreed that was so unsettling. It was the dawning realization that my agreement didn't matter one way or another.

 

The final issue TB’s comment raises for me is related to his wife’s “more is more” pronouncement?  How do our wives look at that?  Do they follow his wife’s “more is more” philosophy, or his “less but more severe” suggestion? 

 

For us, I don’t get spanked all that often.  It averages out to less than once a month, and we often have phases in which I might go two or three months without one.   

 

However, I generally agree with TB’s wife’s approach.  I would like—or I think I would like—to at least experience a period with Anne getting super strict, dealing with “every misdemeanor” as TB phrased it, even if that might mean getting spanked daily for a while.

 

It's definitely not the case that I want to be spanked that frequently. But, part of me has a craving to experience being taken in hand so strictly that I’m constantly at least a little nervous about whether she might spank me again soon.  

 

Growing up, my parents were the opposite of strict, and part of me wants to experience feeling like I’m living under the guidance of a super “strict mom”.

 

And, there is the fact that TB’s wife was the one who initiated the “more is more” approach.  The reality for us has always been me suggesting that more is better when it comes to strictness. The fantasy would be Anne doing it on her own, exercising control in a way that demonstrates that mine is being taken from me, whether I like it or not.

 

I look forward to hearing your thoughts about all this.  Have a great week.