You Asked for It - Post by a Real Consistent, Stern Spanking Wife (The Club - Meeting 544)

“One person's embarrassment is another person's accountability.” - Tom Price

 

Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Wives Club - Tribute.  Our weekly on-line gathering of women and men who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.

 

I hope you all had a good week.  Unfortunately for me, my streak of good behavior finally came to an end.  Didn’t even quite make it to the end of January though, in fairness, the streak began in the last week of 2025.  And, it wasn’t an enormous fail.  Just one of those nights when a couple of drinks at dinner became nightcaps at home.  Nothing epic, but I woke up this morning remembering how much hangovers suck.

 

And, of course, the backsliding coincided with my physical incapacity for handling a spanking post-surgery becoming a non-issue.  And, of course, having been thinking continuously about how we need to get the DWC aspects of our relationship back on course, now that it might actually happen, I would really prefer to avoid one.

 

Anyway . . .

 

Thanks to those of you who contributed to our discussion last week about how our sense of identity might inhibit our DD explorations.  Mike’s original topic proposal centered on how identity might inhibit the spanking wife in particular, and I was a little concerned when I broadened it to include how identity issues affect the husbands, that it would result in that angle dominating the discussion.  Unfortunately, that did kind of happen, but we did get a little bit of the wives’ perspectives from a couple of commenters.

 

For this week, I’m going to do something a little different.  A few times over the last year or two, we’ve heard from a commenter who goes by "Hillbilly Hubby".  Several months ago, I discovered his Tumblr blog and thought it was very well done.  More recently, I discovered that his wife, who goes by "Strict Consistent Wifey", also has a Tumblr blog.  (I’ll put a link in the comments, since Blogger so often wigs out over links in posts.)

 

Most of the “blogs” on Tumblr are little more than embedded memes with maybe a few lines of text.  However, both Hillbilly Hubby and Strict Consistent Wifey actually talk in detail about their Domestic Discipline relationship. Strict Consistent Wifey recently posted about how their DD relationship began, and specifically about the emotions she experienced.  I thought it was a wonderful post and left a comment saying so.  She replied that I should feel free to share it, so I’m going to take her up on that. 

 

I’m also going to take a little bit of liberty with that permission by including another post where she introduced herself and gave a description of how she and her husband have integrated DD into their everyday lives.

 

Here are the two posts, and I’ve included the AI-generated drawings that accompanied them.  I’ll highlight a few things that really stood out to me.

 

Post #1

 

Hi, and welcome.

 

I’ve had a lot of new followers here over the last few months, so I figured it was probably time I actually introduced myself and explained what this space is.

 

A little about me. I’m a wife to @hillbillyhubby, a mother, and I have a full-time career outside the home. We’re all busy with activities most days and I’m doing the same juggling act most women are doing. I could genuinely be the mom you passed in Target today.

 

This blog exists because I wanted stories that felt like mine. We’re everyday people. Domestic discipline is foundational in our relationship, but it isn’t loud. We’re not living in a 24-hour scene. It’s integrated into our normal life in a way that continues no matter who is around, including our daughter, our extended families, and our friends. I’m happy to share a lot here, but I keep a few things locked down for privacy. No real names, and no photos or videos of us. Everything else I share as openly as I can, because I want this space to feel real.

 

We practice a semi-traditional marriage where my husband is the head of the household, but I’m responsible for the operations of our home. And in that kind of structure, the expectations for his behavior and the consequences, when needed, fall firmly in my area.

 

One thing I’ll say up front, because it matters to me and it comes up a lot, is that we’ve been very intentional about separating discipline from intimacy. That was non-negotiable for me from the very first conversation. I don’t want confusion, and I don’t want gray areas. Discipline has a clear start and stop point for us, and we keep it consistent with specific language and postures.

 

At the end of the day, this works for us because it gives us structure, and because it speaks to how we each need to be shown love and respect.

 

I do encourage questions and engagement, and I’m always happy to connect with people who feel drawn to this lifestyle. I’ll also set a boundary if something crosses a line for me, and I hope that’s understood and respected.

 

If you’re new here, I’m really glad you’re here. Welcome to my little corner of Tumblr.

 

Post #2

 

I talk a lot in this space about how strong domestic discipline has made us. Not perfect. Not unshakeable. But it has given us a foundation, and when that foundation has been tested, it has proven it can hold.

 

We had one of those tests recently.

 

A situation came up that hit right in the insecurities I have always carried. Even though I trust what we have built, the intrusive thoughts got loud for a day or two.

 

Before I tell you that story, though, I need to give you a little of the “before.”

 

Over the past few years, I have done a lot of work around self-worth. I have worked to understand myself, understand how I show up in relationships, and understand what specifically triggers my anxiety.

 

At my core, for better or worse, I want to feel chosen.

 

And throughout my life, I have let that need shape my self-worth. If you chose me, I felt valuable. If you did not choose me, I felt like I needed to work harder to prove I was worthy.

 

I know now that was unsustainable. I was never going to be able to bend myself in enough ways to actually feel chosen. I became a doormat, not a partner.

 

What I did not realize at the time was that it was not my lack of self-worth that was undermining our relationship the most.

 

It was the perception of indifference.

 

There were times he wanted to do something we both knew I would not like, and instead of being honest about it, I would adjust. I would try to morph. I would try to be okay with my needs and expectations not being met.

 

I thought I was being accommodating.

 

But what he saw was this. His presence was disposable. Like I did not care if he showed up or not.

 

I cared more than I let on. He cared that I did not care. But neither of us was in a position to let those feelings be heard.

 

I did not know he was craving accountability. I did not understand that being forthcoming with my needs and expectations, and then clearly and consistently handling it when those expectations were not met, was the answer.

 

It was not until our misunderstandings snowballed into relationship rock bottom that we both decided it was time to be radically vulnerable. It had been a long time since either of us felt safe enough to do that.

 

We had to ask the hard questions. Was it time to leave? Was it time to lay down our egos and fight for each other?

 

We both knew our daughter would be impacted by whatever decision we made. But we did not want her to be the reason we stayed together if we could not truly work. That would be worse.

 

So we talked. And for the first time in a long time, we told the truth about what each action and reaction actually felt like on the inside.

 

In those conversations, he told me what he wanted. He wanted accountability. He wanted expectations. He wanted clarity. He wanted to feel like his presence mattered.

 

And I told him what I wanted. I wanted to feel chosen and cherished. I wanted to feel certain that when the cards were on the table, it would be me. That it always had been, and always would be.

 

We said yes.

 

Yes, together, we were worth fighting for. Yes, our marriage was worth the discomfort. Yes, our life was worth the work.

 

When @hillbillyhubby told me he had an interest in exploring domestic discipline, my first thought was not that it was weird. Or that he was weird.

 

My first thought was that he would eventually resent me for it.

 

I had spent so many years trying to prevent situations where there were consequences for his actions. The idea that he wanted me to create an accountability system, and then apply it with physical consequences, was foreign to me. It felt counter to everything I thought would make us happy.

 

But since what we had been doing clearly was not working, I stayed open.

 

I asked questions. Lots of questions. I checked in constantly. We talked through what would happen if, once we started, one or both of us said, “This is not working for me.”

 

I did not want him to feel like, just because he asked for it initially, he could not change his mind if the reality did not match what he had built up in his mind.

 

And as a quick note here, because I know people wonder this right away, we were very intentional about keeping discipline and sexual intimacy separate.

 

There is no impact play as part of our sex life. There was not before, and there is not now. Discipline is its own space, with several specific postures we use, specific language, and a very clear and distinct ending.

 

It is not foreplay for us. It is not part of our bedroom dynamic. It is discipline, and it stays there.

 

This only works for us because we are both consenting adults who knowingly entered into an agreement that supports our relationship.

 

If at any point one of us wanted to revisit it, we would. We would need to.

 

But that also means that when I call for discipline, he submits and complies. If he did not, it would undermine the understanding we both have, and we would have to reevaluate.

 

I worried about hurting him for a long time, but I am learning that a lot of what I thought was “too much” was actually a threshold I created in my own mind.

 

We don’t have a safe word. He does not want to know there is an out, and he leaves the severity to my discretion. In that vein, though, humiliation is not the goal. For us, there is no groveling. No slavery language. No caging. (If those things work in your dynamic, I support your exploration of those areas.)

 

But for me, he is still my partner. He is the person I am choosing daily to build a life with. I am not going to jeopardize that by making him feel less than. Discipline is a tool to build each other toward our best, not a weapon to tear each other down.

 

So discipline is given fairly. It is explained every time. And then we take the minutes afterward to reconnect and affirm together.

 

We started small, with rules that were easy to track and did not require a judgment call.

 

Did he leave the light on in a room after he left it? Was he late and did not let me know?

 

Being late is a huge sticking point for me, and it was something we used to fight about often. The lights were not emotionally loaded, but they gave us an easy way to ease into the dynamic without making everything feel heavy.

 

We are over 18 months in now.

 

Do I still spank him for these things? Sometimes, yes. The lights still get left on occasionally, but I could not tell you the last time he was late and I did not know what to expect.

 

Now back to our recent situation.

 

Those insecurities, that old fear of not being enough to be chosen, came in like a wrecking ball.

 

In our past dynamic, I would have still been upset. I would have still been spiraling days later.

 

Now, we talked it through. We reconnected over the things that are important to us.

 

And I disciplined him. We both feel like our needs have been met and we were able to move on quickly back to the main focus, which is building and strengthening together.

 

I really, really love her second post.  It encapsulates so many things that I’m sure many disciplinary couples have felt, especially in the early stages of their DD explorations.

 

I don’t have a particular topic in mind for this.  Instead, I’ll highlight a few points that jumped out to me, and I invite the rest of you to do the same.

 

Domestic discipline is foundational in our relationship, but it isn’t loud. We’re not living in a 24-hour scene. It’s integrated into our normal life in a way that continues no matter who is around, including our daughter, our extended families, and our friends.

 

I really love that line about the DD relationship not being “loud”.  I also like the way she describes it as integrated into their normal life.  And, I love the drawing she used to illustrate that dynamic.  I don’t know that I can say the same about our level of integration, and that’s something I’d like to work on more.  In the past, I think we put too much energy into walling off the DD aspects of our relationship, out of fear (“paranoia” would be another good word) of being “outed” or of other people’s reactions.  I honestly believe it would be better for both of us if Anne’s authority were on more open display more of the time.

 

There were times he wanted to do something we both knew I would not like, and instead of being honest about it, I would adjust. I would try to morph. I would try to be okay with my needs and expectations not being met. 

 

I thought I was being accommodating. 

 

But what he saw was this. His presence was disposable. Like I did not care if he showed up or not.

 

I suspect that went on a lot in the first decade of our marriage, before we discovered Domestic Discipline, or at least the first part of it did.  I think I did a lot of accommodating on big issues, like where we lived.  But, I think Anne did a lot of accommodating and trying to “morph” on day-to-day stuff and particularly on taking on some of my admittedly brash behavior.  I had a bigger personality at that time for sure, and instead of taking it on, she retreated into the background.

 

Also, regarding a husband feeling like his presence is disposable, isn't this kind of what husbands sometimes feel when a wife says she's going to spank for something but then doesn't carry through, or when there is chronic inconsistency?  It feels like he's showing up for the relationship they both agreed to, but maybe she isn't? 

 

I did not know he was craving accountability. I did not understand that being forthcoming with my needs and expectations, and then clearly and consistently handling it when those expectations were not met, was the answer.

 

 

We are a little different on this one. She didn’t know I was craving accountability, because until I discovered the DWC, I didn’t know I was craving it.  I don’t think the DWC impacted Anne as hard and fast as it did me, but I think the fact that she was intrigued and instantly agreed to give it a try indicates that she saw the potential value in setting expectations and enforcing them.  She has told me several times that before we took up Domestic Discipline, she never felt like she had a way to assert herself and know it would be obeyed. She felt like when she did let her expectations be known, there was no way of making it stick.

 

For my part, I'm not sure I knew I needed boundaries and guardrails until the DWC came along and showed me what they could be like in an adult relationship. Looking back, I'd always had a thing for older women, especially authority figures like female teachers. I think even back then, I was craving boundaries, since I didn't have any at home, but at that stage and into my 30s, it was just a vague desire for something I couldn't really name.  The DWC revealed what that nameless was and made me wish I'd found it earlier.

 

 

When @hillbillyhubby told me he had an interest in exploring domestic discipline, my first thought was not that it was weird. Or that he was weird.

 

My first thought was that he would eventually resent me for it.

 

I had spent so many years trying to prevent situations where there were consequences for his actions. The idea that he wanted me to create an accountability system, and then apply it with physical consequences, was foreign to me. It felt counter to everything I thought would make us happy.

 

I suspect Anne would identify with much of this statement, with the exception of not thinking that domestic discipline was weird. After she reviewed the DWC website for the first time, she told me she did think it was kind of weird.  

 

But, that didn’t stop her from giving it a try.

 

I do think she worried that I would resent her for taking control, or at least that I might rebel.  I’ve mentioned that she really gravitated toward the book The Hesitant Mistress.  She told me that until she read that book, she had a hard time embracing her DD role, because she couldn’t really understand why any husband would want his DD role.  She said she always had this worry that, if she really committed, I would rebel and pull the rug out from under her. 

 

Ironically, what I really wanted was that very act of taking command that she thought might breed rebellion. Were there times I felt resentment?  Maybe a couple, but it was always temporary.  In fact, those occasions are, in retrospect, among the times that I feel we were the closest to embodying a really deep DD relationship, with her setting expectations and enforcing them regardless of my feelings. 

 

And as a quick note here, because I know people wonder this right away, we were very intentional about keeping discipline and sexual intimacy separate.

 

We haven’t been as rigorous about that.  We do not do erotic spanking at all, but it is fair to say that much of the time, sex does happen pretty quickly after a spanking is delivered.  In my mind, there is a clear separation between the two, but that separation isn’t temporal for sure.

 

It was not until our misunderstandings snowballed into relationship rock bottom that we both decided it was time to be radically vulnerable.

 

I don’t think Anne and I were ever at that “relationship rock bottom” point, but there were plainly lots of frustrations.  I also feel like, with few real guardrails, I personally was on a very unsustainable path. 

 

Was I “radically vulnerable” in bringing the Domestic Discipline idea to Anne?  Maybe.  I didn’t really think of it that way at the time.  When I discovered the DWC, it hit me so hard that I felt like I didn’t have the choice not to tell her about it. 

 

And, while I do think that telling her about it did involve making myself very vulnerable, for me the vulnerability wasn’t so much in the act of telling her but, rather, at the thought of what the reality of the kind of spanking the DWC described might entail:  How scared would I be each time I went over her knee? Would I cry like so many of the men in the DWC stories?  Could I take that level of pain and embarrassment?  Could I handle that the decision about taking it would not be mine to make from that point forward? Would I be able to handle handing all control over disciplinary matters to Anne, having no idea what she might do with it?  All of those questions definitely made me feel very vulnerable.

 

Well, that’s my take on Strict Consistent Wifey’s posts.  What’s yours?  I would encourage all of you to follow her on Tumblr.

 

Have a great week!