Meeting 517 - Zero Tolerance Spanking Discipline

“It's very difficult to make a 100% turnaround. It's tough when you actually do exhibit patterns of bad behavior. You need to have a very strong support system of people who are willing to keep you in your place if you're going to overcome these things.” - Daniel Cormier

Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club.  Our weekly on-line gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.

 

Once again, before we get started, I would like to thank the Disciplinary Wives who have recently joined us and to extend an invitation to all others who may be inclined to move from “lurker” to “commenter” status. We like having you around.

 

I hope you all had a great week.  Mine was uneventful, yet I felt atypically good.  Like maybe I’m finally turning the corner on the string of bad luck and bad health trends that started around Thanksgiving of last year.  It’s been a tough few months, but maybe I’m moving past it.

 

It isn’t an entirely accidental change of trajectory. For the last couple of weeks, I’ve been doing a better job of taking care of myself in terms of diet, exercise, meditation, etc.  It’s amazing how treating yourself just slightly better can make a big difference in your mood and feelings of wellbeing.  Yet, most of the time it takes a conscious choice to get out of our self-created ruts, and maybe some external motivation.  More on that below.

 

 

Thanks to those of you who gave advice and recounted personal experience with caning.  As I said, I don’t really like doing posts about particular instruments, I decided to be a little self-indulgent, given that we are experimenting with the cane now but have very little experience with it.   

 

One interesting takeaway from the discussion is that the cane may be the only instrument in all of DD world that seems to require a particular degree of force and accuracy that can only be generated through a combination of practice and confidence.  Anyway, I know it may have been a topic with limited audience appeal, so thanks for bearing with me.

 

A couple of weeks ago, on the topic of fantasies, TB offered this:

 

I often fantasise that she is ‘always on’ DD wise so that there is zero doubt for either of us on the ‘if …. Then’ construct. In other words, zero tolerance for any boundary crossing. And that every session was ‘merciless’ - hard, relentless and painful. (I’ve given up trying to work out why I want this). I am convinced that my behaviour would quickly improve and that we would both be happier/even more content.

 

I have tried to articulate this to her, and she says she gets it and is supportive, but we quickly revert to our ‘normal’ DD where I ‘get away’ with behaviours and then there is a reckoning when she’s finally had enough.

 

Seems like a simple change to me but as yet I have failed to get this fantasy realised…. TB

 

 

I share TB’s fantasy of a much more strictly enforced set of boundaries.  Though, it's more than a fantasy. It's a genuine hope that Anne takes things in that direction at some point.

 

I’ve often said I want more consistency, but I think what TB is suggesting goes beyond mere consistency.  Instead, it’s about having a fairly rigorous set of rules or imposed standards, and then a very strict approach to enforcing them.  In other words, it’s about tight boundaries and “zero tolerance” when it comes to enforcement.

 

The last time I did a topic on “zero tolerance” was about four years ago.  Although the discussion was generally good, there seemed to be a lot of talking past each other. The source of the problem seemed to be that some thought I was defining “zero tolerance” as getting spanked or otherwise punished for every little thing.

 

That’s not what I’m talking about. Rather, I’m talking about getting spanked for everything that she sees as a significant problem or irritant and much more strictness and rigor in making sure those things actually do get punished.

 

It’s about not tolerating excuses or efforts to delay or avoid a spanking that has been earned. 

And, while it is about consistency to some extent, it’s also about setting a generally higher bar for what both she and I expect of me. 

 

So, in that sense while it is not about getting spanked for every little thing, it probably is about getting spanked for a greater number of things than I do now.  But, in part that is because, if I’m honest, there are a lot of things I do that irritate or anger her, or that either she sees as a problem or we both do, yet I get away with doing those things over and over again.  Sometimes it's because I offer excuses or a delay becomes it not happening at all. But, sometimes she has said she is going to be strict about something but doesn't follow through.

In the twenty years we’ve been doing DD, we’ve never really had a “zero tolerance” approach, whether with respect to a particular issue or the relationship as a whole.

 

The thing that I seem to do most often that angers her the most is leaving the house and failing to lock the doors when I leave, or sometimes accidentally leaving the garage door open either when I leave or when I go into the house.  Because it is something that pisses her off, and does so fairly regularly, I often think she will finally get fed up and impose a “zero tolerance” approach for that one issue, it never really happens.  She tolerates way too many excuses, or too often lets me by without any excuse, probably because there was a fairly long time between incidents.

 

 

Interestingly, while I often bemoan my lack of willpower, I have successfully imposed a few “zero tolerance” rules on myself.  Tobacco use is probably the best example.  In high school and college, I was a regular tobacco user, and nicotine has been my one and only true physical addiction.  I tried to quit several times, and a few times I succeeded for a few weeks. But, I always started again.  When I finally quit for good, I went cold turkey, And, in thirty years I’ve never had another cigarette.  I just can’t let myself do it, because I know that if I were to have one cigarette on a special occasion, a week later I would be having “just one” a day, then one would become three, then three would become a pack-a-day habit.

 

I conquered my nicotine addiction before we were into DD, but I suspect that one or more of my aborted attempts at ending that addiction might have been successful had I had a strict Disciplinary Wife giving me some additional motivation. However, the habit and the physical addiction were so strong, it probably would have taken a “zero tolerance” approach.

 

Although I suspect ending deeply rooted habits and addictions might require something like a “zero tolerance” approach, I’m similar to TB in wanting “smaller” things also to be subject to very strict discipline because small things can be big stressors in a relationship or can have a big cumulative impact on your quality of life.

 

A good example for me is carelessness. Everyone is careless from time to time, but part of my identity has always revolved around risk taking and/or being cavalier about consequences.  And, I’m not very detail oriented.  I know I would be happier if I avoided the multiple times a year that I do something stupid from sheer lack of attention.  And, our bank account would be better for it.

 

 

One challenge with a “zero tolerance” approach to things like carelessness, however, is it often happens when Anne isn’t there.  Thus, having her address them would be dependent on me self-reporting, and my track record on that is mixed at best.

 

Most of my discussion about this so far has been about whether a “zero tolerance” approach would be efficacious for changing behavior for the better.  That was also the focus when I last did this topic back in 2021.

 

With four years of increasing self-awareness, however, I realize that my attraction to zero tolerance is about more than changing my behavior and the benefits I think that would bring.  Rather, I fantasize about it/hope for it, because part of me wants the intense feelings that I think would go along with it.  In short, part of me is morbidly attracted to being under my wife’s stern hand to a much greater extent than I am now.

 

I’m not under any illusion that a “zero tolerance” approach would be anything but incredibly challenging, both emotionally and in terms of perhaps having a perpetually sort ass for whatever time it too for my behavior to improve to her satisfaction. I suspect that I would be resentful or angry much of the time it was happening, though that anger might be directed at myself.  I can't find it now, but in the last year or so a commenter here talked about a period in which his wife became super strict in holding him accountable on a couple of behavioral issues, to the point that he was getting spanked almost daily.  I recall him describing how hard it was, and that a big part of the emotional challenge was feeling like a screw-up who couldn’t get his act together to avoid being spanked so often.  

 

 

I’m sure I would feel that way for a while if my wife ever did become super strict and “zero tolerance” in her approach. Yet, part of me clearly is attracted to the prospect of being humbled in that way and to being subject to that level of rigorous control. And, while I suspect it would be super challenging as it was happening, it also likely would be incredibly attractive and stimulating after the fact. 

 

Have you ever been subject to a “zero tolerance” approach in your DD relationship?  If so, was it about a particular issue, or was it a broader approaching dealing with a wider range of behavior.  How did it make you feel? How did it make her feel?  If you haven’t experienced that sort of super strict approach, do you want to?

 

For the wives, is a “zero tolerance” approach appealing? Or, does it seem burdensome? Is it easier to take an approach of punishing every time something happens, or do you place more value on having the discretion to determine whether to let something slide?  If you are attracted to “zero tolerance” but haven’t implemented it, why not?

 

 

Have a great week.

Meeting 516 - The Cane - Is it Really the Most Fearsome Spanking Implement?

If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.  - Abraham Maslow

Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club.  Our weekly on-line gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.

 

Once again, before we get started, I would like to thank the Disciplinary Wives who have recently joined us and to extend an invitation to all others who may be inclined to move from “lurker” to “commenter” status. We like having you around.

 

Another housekeeping point before we get started: We seem to be getting an influx of anonymous comments. Which is fine, but please comply with the instructions at the bottom of the comment section, which include using a name or initials when commenting. It helps us all keep track of who we are replying to and also helps establish a stronger sense of community among group members.

 

I hope you all had a great week.  Mine was pretty busy dealing with some medical stuff (nothing serious) and some hobby stuff.  The medical stuff included some routine but yucky medical tests (all good), plus an injection for my ongoing knee problems. The shoulder I wrecked last summer is also relatively pain-free right now thanks to another injection.  And, I finally seem to have gotten past a cycle of infections, including the flu and a couple of sinus infections.  So, for the first time in almost four months, I’m feeling good and am mostly pain-free.  Hopefully, it’s the beginning of a new, better trajectory and a good set up for an active spring.

 

I reported last week on the vacation Anne and I took a couple of weeks ago, which included a doctor’s housecall to our hotel. As I recounted, Anne ended up getting a shot in the butt.  The prospect that I might get the same created a potentially embarrassing situation, as Anne had given me a hairbrush spanking a couple of days before.  As it turned out, there was no cause for alarm, as the doctor decided I didn’t need a shot.  Further, because the spanking had been with a hairbrush, I knew that it was unlikely that I actually had any significant marking or shading.

 

What I didn’t report was that I was worried that there might still be some residual marking from some experimentation we did the week before we left, with a heavy, dense, synthetic cane.  

 

As I’ve related a few times, we tried caning a handful of times early on in our DD relationship, but it didn’t seem to work for us. Anne found it awkward, and it just didn’t really hurt very much.

 

However, the same thing could be said for our earliest DD experimentation, which centered on the OTK position with a hairbrush.  It just didn’t seem effective, so we moved on to other things. A couple of years ago, however, we tried it again.  Although the hairbrush was still only moderately impactful (though it hurt way more than when we tried several years before), Anne quickly became able to deliver a mean swing with the bath brush in the OTK position. It has been our go-to position ever since.

 

The bath brush hurts like hell, even OTK. But, the one thing that combination doesn’t deliver is marks that last. In recent years, I just don’t bruise or mark very much. I do think I am getting bruised from a hard bath brushing, but it’s at a deeper level, resulting in some gray shading that may last several days, plus a deep, achy reminder that the bath brush is a very capable instrument.

 

I don’t know exactly why, but I miss the prominent marking/bruising I experienced in the first few years of our DD relationship.  A bruised butt and deep residual soreness served as a multi-day reminder of our new hierarchy and my humbled place in it. Welts would be a perfectly acceptable substitute for bruising.

Anne also seemed to get some perverse pleasure from a visual representation of a job well done.  Conversely, there have been a few times in recent years that she’s expressed disappointment when, a day after a hard spanking, there wasn’t much visual evidence that she had, in fact, spanked me hard.

 

 

Hence, I started thinking that we should try the cane again.  My renewed interest was also stimulated from some of your comments from several weeks ago. I didn’t do a great job of documenting who contributed them, but it was a mix of comments from ZM and Merk Smith. Here are some snippets: 

 

ZM: The cane is able to cause real fear, at least if your wife knows how to use it properly. Why is that different than other tools? Especially since even Merk said "despite although different it is not necessarily more painful than other well applied instruments." The difference is that all other spanking tools - except maybe in very rare circumstances like being spanked by a tennis champion - rely on repetition to cause their maximum pain. Also Merk: "One good cane stroke on a bare bottom will leave a welt that will be lumpy and sore to touch or in the shower for a couple of days." What other tool can do that?

 

The reason that matters is because if your wife knows how to cane properly, it sort of becomes a binary affair. Even one stroke is going to cause pain that will last for days, and from the moment you hear the first whistle of the cane, there is no turning back on that. With other spanking implements, she can always decide to go easy on you and end early, but once she decides to use the cane, days of pain are ensured, and the only question is "how many stripes?"

 

One thing that I just realized about the cane is that it can be the perfect tool to solve one of the dilemmas I have often pondered. The dilemma is that not every misdeed is worthy of a full-fledged, long, hard spanking, yet at the same time, for a spanking to even be a real punishment, it has to be sufficiently hard and long to not only be almost unbearably painful at the time but also leave at least some lasting reminder of the spanking.

 

The cane can solve this problem completely. Even a single well applied cane stroke with leave a burning line of fire across your bottom, and the effects will be felt for days. But at the same time, more cane strokes ramp up the whole effect dramatically. So even a single cane stroke can be used as an effective punishment for something minor and will be felt enough to be remembered for days, yet many cane strokes will result in something that will be much more unpleasant both at the time it is administered and also in the days that follow. I love paddles, but I don't think they can be used as effectively in this manner; it may be possible to hit hard enough that one paddle stroke would be felt for days, but then it would also seem like a bigger punishment since so much surface area of your bottom is hurting. At least for my wife and the way she uses the paddle, the punishment comes not so much from individual blows, but rather from the cumulative effect.

 

Merk Smith: Definitely ZM, one good cane stroke on a bare bottom will leave a welt that will be lumpy and sore to touch or in the shower for a couple of days. Keep adding strokes and you now have marks that will remain for more than a week, and more than six strokes will inevitably cross previous strokes... at this point you have deep bruising that will be felt every time you sit or move for more than a week.

 

In addition to the effect on the recipient, Donn had talked a bit about the cane’s potential effect on the wife using it:

 

"In my experience, a woman has never, ever really known her DD power and authority until she starts using a cane -- it's transformative. Likewise, a man never fully understands a woman's power and authority until he is at the opposite end of that cane."

 

Donn’s observation echoes some of Aunt Kay’s comments in her pamphlet on caning techniques. She seems to suggest that, while both are iconic, the cane has a “vibe” that is almost the exact opposite of the hairbrush used OTK. The latter is almost inherently maternal and erotic.  Yet, there are times when that is not what is needed. As she put it:

 

Many who participate in the DWC Lifestyle actually enjoy elements of spanking and related activities. It becomes a something like a special and intimate secret between them and special trusted friends. Some of us gather occasionally for spanking events/play parties and so on. Even when corporal

punishment is being meted out with real sternness, there is still the presence of a certain loving intimacy.

 

Yet there will always be occasions when punishment simply means punishment; demanding a real distance between the DWC wife - as a stern disciplinarian - and husband - as offender, involving a maximum of gravity and a minimum of levity. These are the occasions when it must be resolutely demonstrated who is the boss in the situation and who must obey. At times like this nothing can best the cane as a representation of detached authority whose power is contained in its very calmness.

 

 The power of the cane lies not just in its capacity to inflict pain of ego-exploding proportions; it lies also in the fact that when it is brought out, it indicates serious displeasure in a disciplinarian.  Anyone who has even seen, let alone felt, an authentic crook-handled cane will have been at once impressed by its awe-inspiring, impersonal dignity.

 

This is where the cane can become the factor that really makes a difference. Topping from the bottom must be eliminated before a proper disciplinary relationship can flourish, and the cane is the supreme instrument for eliminating it. Its chilling ferocity will rid a husband of any illusion that he can retain the master key to his disciplinary relationship, and that he can duck out when it doesn’t suit him. 

 

A single session with the cane - administered with cool assurance will eliminate once and for all any lingering idea in a man’s head that he can have his cake and eat it. He will know, standing in the corner struggling to come to terms with his spinning head and his smoldering derrière - that his fantasy world is a thing of the past. He will realize the wisdom behind the words “watch out what you wish for, you might just get it”. The genuine caning session teaches him that his wife’s disciplinary options are nothing to be trivialized. What she decides goes, and he has no say in the matter.

 

I gave Anne a copy of the pamphlet a few weeks ago and asked her to consider trying it again. I also set up a chair, with a pillow roped to its back, for her to practice on.

 

She finally gave it a try shortly before we went on vacation. It came at the end of a full OTK session with the hairbrush and bath brush.  She only did about 8 strokes. The first couple were very timid. I actually had to encourage her to swing harder. The last few were hard and did hurt. Though she still lacked confidence in her swing, I did get a glimmer of the kind of concentrated pain the cane probably would deliver once she does have that confidence.

 

Even with the less than full-force swing, there was significant bruising. But, it was in kind of an odd place. I expected I might get some from the tip wrapping around to the hip or otherwise hitting in a usually unspanked area.  Instead, I got welts where you would expect them but also an area of angry bruising right between the cheeks, near the top.  How it would cause bruising there, I have no idea.

 

I had to give Anne a lot of reassurance about that marking and that it was okay. I’m not entirely sure why, because in the early days of DD she left some very significant bruising with wooden paddles, and it never seemed to bother her.  Maybe it was just that it’s been so many years since that happened, coupled with her lack of comfort with this new tool.

 

Anne had also gotten it into her head that the cane should be restricted to six, evenly-spaced strokes. I think she must have skipped over this from Aunt Kay’s pamphlet:

 

If you are giving 6 strokes, your fifth will have landed at the tops of his thighs, and he will now have six evenly spaced welts to sit on for the next few days. If you are giving 12, then they will be closer together, but still from the middle of his bottom to the tops of his thighs. And likewise for 18 or 24. The number of strokes is for you to decide. I give 6 strokes when 6 minor offences have been committed, and I find that this keeps him very attentive to good behaviour generally, and serves as a reminder of what he'll get if he commits a more serious offence and receives 12, 18 or 24 strokes.

 

I usually don’t focus posts on a single instrument, and I find most of the instrument-focused topics kind of dry. But, some of the readers do seem to have a thing for canes, and given that we are just starting to experiment with them again, I’m really interested in getting input from those of you who are experienced with them.  A few questions to kick things off:

 

Is the cane a part of your spouse’s disciplinary repertoire? If not, do you want it to be?

 

Do you think the cane is widely used in the US, or is it primarily an English thing? Is that because it was widely used in British schools? For those who are interested in it or use it, does its use in the traditional school setting add to the mystique?

If you use the cane, what type?  Do you use traditional rattan, a synthetic material like Delrin, or both?

 

What thickness and length do you use?

 

When you use it, is it usually the only tool used during that session, or does she use it in conjunction with other instruments? If the latter, is there a particular order that seems most effective?

 

Do you find that the cane really is more powerful and intimidating than other instruments?  Do you fear it above other instruments?

Do you experience more marking/bruising with the cane than with other instruments? Does the pain last longer?

 

How many strokes are usually given?

 

Does the fact that the strokes are delivered more silently than with other instruments play a role in your choice to use or not use it?

 

Thanks for your input on this.  I hope it isn’t a bore for those who don’t use this particular implement.  I'll close with this drawing by RedRump.  While it's not F/m, I think it's one of his sexiest works.

Have a great week.

Meeting 515 - Openness to Others Knowing About Our Disciplinary Spankings

“A man who can't bear to share his habits is a man who needs to quit them.” ― Stephen King, The Dark Tower

Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club.  Our weekly on-line gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.

 

Once again, before we get started, I would like to thank the female commenters who have recently joined us and to extend an invitation to all others who may be inclined to move from “lurker” to “commenter” status. We like having you around.

 

I hope you all had a great week.  We had one of those vacations where you come home more tired than when you left.  Although it was in a hard-to-beat location that feels almost like home to us at this point, like much of the rest of 2025, it felt like anything that could go wrong did.  We both had, or were getting, colds when we left. While there, we both took a turn for the worse and ended up having to have a doctor make a house call.  Funny enough, the visit had some spanking-related implications.  He ended up giving Anne a shot, which was no big deal for her.  But, I had been spanked with the ebony hair brush on the second day there, as punishment for over-indulging a bit the day we got there.  In addition to the embarrassment of a doctor seeing the visual evidence, a shot on my recently spanked bottom might have been quite painful. Thankfully, he decided I was okay with oral antibiotics, sparing me two types of pain.

 

 

I also found it impossible to relax into the beautiful location, as I kept following the financial carnage wreaked on the markets by Trump’s tariffs. Regardless of how you feel about Trump or the wisdom of tariffs in general, can we all agree the rollout was so incompetent and chaotic, it was like they were trying to Make America Poor Again?  Although I try to comfort myself with thoughts along the lines of this meme, I’d really just like to have my savings back.

 

Speaking of Trump, I would like to again give my condolences to Julie of the former Strict Julie Spanks blog.  We disagreed about practically everything political, but I still will miss her blog.  I'm getting pretty close to the last man standing when it comes to blogs that focus on "real" spankings.  Her blog also was a pretty big referrer to this one. Anyway, Julie, I hope you continue to drop by regularly.  (I also hope you get your ass whipped in the upcoming Canadian elections.)

 

I hope you all enjoyed the discussion of fantasies.  As I said in the post, those of us in DD relationships are, to a big extent, already living the fantasy, as almost all our relationships started with the husband having or, in my case, suddenly developing a strong interest in being spanked “for real.”  At some point, we worked up the courage to tell our wives about our DD desires and perhaps even asked them to give it a try.  Al summed it up nicely:

 

First, I should note that just having become a DWC husband was in itself a fantasy come true - and, in a story that I've told here a few times, and one I certainly would have never expected to come about - as my wife, whom I was convinced was plain vanilla when it came to anything remotely "kinky", enthusiastically embraced the role of disciplinary wife after I admitted to a "mild interest" in being spanked one night over too much wine. Then there were a number of "attached fantasies" that went with that that came true over time as well - the use of various implements, anal disciplines (plugs, pegging), spanked in various places (including outside the car behind a closed gas station on the side of the interstate one night).

 

By the way, Al, getting spanked behind a closed gas station pushes all sorts of buttons for me.  Once again, I admire you and your wife’s adventurous spirits.

 

The one surprise for me in reading all the comments was that I expected a lot of variety. In the details there was a lot, but I was surprised at how many of the fantasies involved one core scenario – others knowing or participating. A very large majority of the comments involved fantasies in which third parties come to know about and/or participate in our disciplinary spankings.

 

As a preliminary matter, I’d love to hear any theories you all may have about why that is. Why do third-parties play such an overwhelmingly large role in our fantasies?

 

Of course, some of you have already fulfilled fantasies involving others knowing and participating.  Though, there is always fresh ground to explore, right?  Al, again, provided this about a developing scenario with a male friend who knows that he is a spanked husband:

 

Within the last couple of years, we have made a new friend, Ben, that we spend quite a bit of time with. We've all become quite close and he hangs out with us fairly often. Along the way, he happened to see a paddle left out - with the result being that Susan told him our entire story - but not while I was present. She confessed to me later, and although the resulting discussion got somewhat tense, ultimately I had no choice but to accept what was done. What I privately realized, however, was that although it was incredibly embarrassing to me to know that Ben now knew that Susan regularly bare ass paddled me to tears - on the other, hand it was also credibly hot that she had told him - that she had exercised that much authority.

 

Following that initial revelation, Susan began talking about our disciplinary lifestyle in front of Ben as if were just part of our ordinary life (which, of course, it is). It was initially quite embarrassing to see that Susan had texted Ben that she had spanked me or that I had a spanking coming - and the like - but eventually I also came to terms with that. I've even occasionally made an occasional comment myself - especially after a drink or two - about Susan paddling my ass over certain issues.

 

I don’t know why, but I find the fact that Susan texts Ben about Al’s spankings, or lets him know Al is going to be spanked, very hot.  I think it's something about her confidence and business-like approach.

 

And, the fact that I find it hot explains why I don’t have a lot of interest in DD ever becoming so mainstream that it might stop seeming taboo.  I’m quite sure that part of the reason it appeals to me so strongly is because it is not widely accepted. Even though erotic spanking is becoming more generally practiced, F/m disciplinary spankings remain very transgressive.  For me, that’s a big part of why I’m still so into this after 20+ years.  Doug described what I see as the “sweet spot” for public acceptance:

 

I think it would be cool if adult disciplinary spanking remained unusual enough to be raise eyebrows and to be a source of embarrassment to people subject to such discipline, but common enough to be recognized as a real thing. Imagine if it was considered normal enough that dominant partners didn’t feel compelled to hide their authoritative status from friends and family. Spankings would still be done behind closed doors, especially when the bottom is bared, but threats and warnings could be made publicly the way parents used to do when kids misbehaved. As I imagine this social evolution, egalitarianism would continue to be the most common marital ideal, but people would accept that some relationships have a D/s dynamic because some adults need discipline. My need for DD embarrasses me, but there is a part of me that wishes that my wife could make it known that she has authority over me. Maybe it would be liberating.

 

I don't know whether I would find it liberating, but I know I do find it titillating.

 

There are obviously many, many permutations of openness to others knowing about our status as DD husbands.

 

At one end of the spectrum might be something as benign as leaving a “pervertable” item around where others could see and, a bit more risqué, in a location that seems a bit out of place.

 

We’ve done that with Anne’s hairbrush and bath brush.  Both are more or less permanently on display on our bathroom counter, and somehow in that place they always catch my attention, even though I see them there every day.   

 

Although we’ve never taken displays of tools further than that, I do find much more open displays pleasantly “edgy” to think about, particularly if I had no say about such display:

 

 

A bit further along the openness spectrum from leaving a somewhat innocusous tool in plain sight might be if the wife were to drop  some strong verbal hints that she disciplines her husband.   

 

Anne has, on a couple of occasions, made a clear reference to spanking while family members were within earshot.  I don’t think any of them heard and, if they did, they might have thought it was a joke.  

 

T. related something along the line of a spanking being hinted at but not quite fully disclosed:

 

We had some family over to the house on Friday, and I was obnoxious to my wife. She actually aggravated me a few days before and it carried over. My big mouth got me into trouble as usual. My Mother was in the room and made a sly comment of, “you’ll be sleeping on the couch tonight”. My wife didn’t skip a beat and said, “He will be standing all day tomorrow.”

 

But, as Doug observed, many older mothers have undoubtedly used similar phrases themselves as a spanking threat and, thus, T.’s mom likely understood what he was in for. T. responded:

 

Yeah. I wondered that as well. . . . At this stage of our DD, I wouldn’t care if my Mother knew my wife strapped me. I am well aware of my deficiencies and it’s why I approached her about DD. I might be embarrassed but I’d get over it quick. As long as it’s never brought up in front of the rest of our family and friends.

 

I’m kind of the opposite when it comes to relatives knowing. Although my mother is not especially judgmental, I still wouldn’t want her to know. Perhaps it’s because we’ve always had a complicated relationship, and the prospect of her knowing feels disempowering, and not in a good way. Also, she was such an erratic disciplinarian, it's hard to imagine her providing any sound feedback on the subject, though a strict mother who would do so has a lot resonance for me.

As an aside, I’ve always loved this drawing of a mother, or mother-in-law, discovering by accident that her son gets spanked. (At least, that's what I imagine is going on.)

The last time I did a full topic about this (three or four years ago), very few people were into others knowing about this kinky little world of ours. So, again, why is it such a prevalent fantasy??

 

Yet, while I fantasize about Anne being more open, I too am inconsistent about exploring it in real life.

 

There is something “edgy” about others knowing that I am a disciplined husband, and that edginess hasn't been diminished in those rare instances when I have told someone about it myself.

 

 I have told one mutual vanilla friend about our DD relationship. I don’t know exactly why I told her. We were (and still are) close friends.  It was early on in our Domestic Discipline relationship, and I think I felt a compulsion to share the big change with someone. 

 

She was married at the time, and Anne and I socialized with them pretty frequently.  She later divorced and remarried, and we socialize with her and the new husband as well.  I don’t know whether she’s told either of them, but I do acknowledge to myself that it’s a possibility.  Oddly, the prospect of her current husband knowing doesn’t really give me that “edgy” feeling; at least not much.  But, the whole situation is a reminder that if you tell one person, you need to accept that it may spread.

 

 

The second time I “outed” myself, I was approached (by email) by a female blogger who is the leader in an FLR relationship.  We talked anonymously for a long time, before gaining sufficient trust to drop that anonymity.  In the ensuing years, that relationship went in some unexpected directions, becoming intertwined with my professional life in some interesting and entertaining ways. There is also a female author who is in a M/f dynamic.  We also talked electronically, and anonymously, for a long period of time before becoming comfortable enough to mutually reveal our real identities. 

 

Now, even though I made the choice to open up with all three of these people, and one of them was a close friend, when I talk live to any of them, there is a certain nervous energy that comes with them knowing about that side of me.

 

I don’t know whether “embarrassed” is the right word, but I am at least very aware when talking to them that they know that my wife is my boss and that she spanks my ass when she is unhappy with me. We’ve become such good friends that 90% of our conversations have nothing to do with DD or spanking but, on the odd occasion when it does come up, I instantly feel that “edginess”, even though their relationships are much like my own (though one is on the other end of the paddle). I feel much like I imagine the woman in this picture might feel, having to call someone and tell them she was spanked.  (At least, that’s what I imagine the picture depicts.)

 

(Counterintuitively, I probably fee less of that "edginess" around the vanilla friend than I do when talking to the two who are in D/s and DD lifestyles.  Maybe it is because the vanilla friend seemingly isn't into these relationships, while the other two not only are interested, but are in a better position to imagine exactly what happens when I get a real spanking?)

 

And, it’s not a bad sort of edginess.  Maybe that’s why I feel an odd desire to let even more people know about this aspect of myself. Though perhaps not this many:

 

Anne and I have been talking a lot lately about her being more openly dominant, and while I’m sure that if she starts doing that it will be embarrassing, I also think it will make me respect her and her power even more. I now that’s been the case with her surprising move to start spanking me with the window shades open.

 

Yet, I still kind of crave even more openness.  As I said above, there is something very hot to me about Al’s wife texting someone about his spankings. Honestly, I’m kind of jealous of it. I wish there were someone in Anne’s life who she as that open with, and I’m not sure why I feel that way. Maybe deep down inside many of us just want to be more authentically who we are, even if we also like being in a “naughty” secret club of sorts? 

 

In fact, I think maybe the “secret club” aspect of the Disciplinary Wives Club was part of what I found so alluring about it, even if I was at that time too cowardly to actually join up.

 

 

Before I retired, work remained a big, big exception to my openness to being open. It was a very conservative, traditional, and competitive profession.  And, my niche within it was pretty insular.  I do think there would have been unpleasant ramifications had my status as a disciplined husband become widely known. 

 

I will leave this topic fairly open-ended, but I’d like to explore more about why so many of you seem to fantasize about others knowing or participating, and yet so many of us jealously guard our privacy in this area.  Some possible questions to address are:

 

• If you do fantasize about others knowing, how many actually do?  Is there a big gap between the reality and the fantasy?  If so, why?  Is it due to resistance (yours or your spouses) or more about lack of opportunity?
•  If you have opened up to others, or they somehow found out, how did that affect your relationship with them? Did it change your feelings about them?  Did your interactions with them change?
•  If you have opened up to others, do they know the nature of the spankings, i.e. that they are for real discipline and punishment?  Is revealing the disciplinary aspect of the relationship give you more angst than revealing that you get spanked?
•  Do you know about anyone else’s DD or FLR relationship?  How did you come to know about it? Did it change the way you view them?  Did knowing about their relationship lead you to be open with them about yours?
• Is there anyone you would like to tell about your DD relationship but have not?  What keeps you from telling them?
•  Do you think your spouse has or might tell someone about your DD relationship?  How would you feel about that? Do you see it as within their authority to do that if they so choose?

For the Disciplinary Wives, if someone does know that you discipline your husband, how do they feel about that?  How do you feel about them knowing? Does it feel empowering? Would you like to be more open about your own disciplinary status, i.e. that you “wear the pants” in the relationship and have the authority to punish your husband?

 

I hope you all have a great week.

Delayed Posting

 Hi all.  I hope your weekend is off to a good start.  I'm catching up on the stuff that inevitably piles up during a vacation.  I hope to post something but it likely won't be until Sunday or Monday.  Hopefully, we still have some people who want to comment on last week's topic who haven't had time yet,

Meeting 514 - DD Spanking and FLR Fantasies

“If you did not indulge in fantasies, how else would you know if you were living an interesting life?” ― Alethea Kontis, Enchanted

Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club.  Our weekly on-line gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.

 

Once again, before we get started, I would like to thank the female commenters who have recently joined us and to extend an invitation to all others who may be inclined to move from “lurker” to “commenter” status. We like having you around.

 

I hope you all had a good week.  We’ve been, and still are, enjoying a week away from home.  One could argue that, after retirement, every day is a vacation, but 2024 ended and 2025 began so badly for me, I’ve really been needing some separation from that unpleasant reality.

 

That’s not a bad transition to this week’s topic.  I hadn’t intended to post this week, but there were some comments last week that led me to this topic, and it seemed like an easy one to do with fairly minimal effort on my part.

 

The topic is fantasies, particularly fantasies about DD and FLR.   Doug kicked it off last week by recounting this recent fantasy:

 

“When we moved into our house, we were a young couple surrounded in the neighbourhood by retirees. We are now retirees surrounded by young couples and young families. So now I have a fantasy about my wife becoming the neighbourhood disciplinarian and all the young wives sending their husbands to have their bums paddled by my wife when they misbehave. I would love to be a witness to that, and maybe even to film it to document the punishments for the wives of the men being spanked.”

 

 

 Alan replied with a fantasy of his own:

 

“On the topic of fantasies: One of mine is to be disciplined together with another male also under DD, with my wife spanking me and his wife speaking him, one after the other. In my most whole version of this fantasy, the spankings occur semi-regularly as a tool our wives use to incentivize our behavior. I think this is more about sharing the DD experience with another male. Usually, the thought of another male knowing my wife spanks me would not be something positive. It's actually embarrassing that my brother-in-law knows, AND that he has rejected spanking in his own relationship. But there would be no embarrassment in the presence of another male, also subject to his wife’s discipline. There may be some exhibitionism in the fantasy, too, since his wife would witness my spanking (but she would not spank me) as well as administer a spanking to her own husband. Interestingly, I have no fantasy of my wife spanking another man. Nor is being spanked by another woman very erotic in contemplation. Being sent to another woman or being spoken to by another woman at my wife’s direction would be erotic, however.

 

TG added a bit about one of his own fantasies:

 

My twist on this area of fantasy has always been watching my wife spanking another man (or possibly even just listening to it from outside the room) and knowing I’m next.

 

(Sorry, TG, couldn't find a good drawing with one man being spanked while another waited. The F/f will have to do.)

 

In writing this topic, it occurred to me that almost all DD relationships begin with a fantasy that is revealed to another person.  Most of us came to these relationships with a fantasy of experiencing a real disciplinary spanking, and at some point we told a significant other about it, and that fantasy was then realized, at least to some degree.

 

 

For me, the period between fantasy and reality was atypically short.  Unlike many here, I hadn’t even heard about, let alone fantasized about, real adult disciplinary spankings until I was in my late 30s, when I discovered the Disciplinary Wives Club. I immediately became obsessed; so much so that within three days I felt compelled to tell my wife about it, and I received my first adult spanking a day later.

Did it meet the fantasy I’d built up in my head based on the DWC stories?  No.  We didn’t have a clue what we were doing. There was a fair amount of trial and error before I received what I would consider a true DWC spanking. But, it wasn’t all that long before the basic elements of my DWC-flavored fantasy had been fulfilled.  Of course, the reality was very different from the fantasy, for better or worse.

How have my fantasies evolved since experiencing the reality of a disciplinary spanking? Given the strong interest I’ve had in all things DD since discovering the DWC, it probably isn’t surprising that my fantasies have been plentiful.  Perhaps also unsurprisingly for someone who reads as much as I do, many of mine are rooted in spanking stories.

 

 

At a very general level, I think/fantasize a lot about Anne deciding, without prompting from me, to take on a much more strict, maternal role.  It's not a very detailed or vivid fantasy, but it involves her being much more controlling, stern, strict, and demanding. While there is a strong maternal vibe to her approach in my fantasies, it is definitely a very strict mom role.  In my fantasies, a spanking from Anne reduces me to tears, but that has proven so challenging, I've stopped fantasizing about it as much as I once did.

 

As for more specific, vivid fantasies, a recurring element is being taken to a woodshed or barn and given a severe paddling or strapping, often by a male spanker.

 

One of the earliest I recall having was based on a story I read, but for the life of me I can’t remember where. I don’t remember all the plot details, but it involved a couple who owned a horse property.  They were in some sort of relationship (I think there were cuckold themes involved) with a very dominant male. The wife was an aspiring dominant vis-à-vis the husband, but the other man was the true dominant among the three. The wife had asked the other male to punish the husband for something, but she kept ignoring his messages to set it up. He got pissed off about her lack of response, so he simply showed up at their house one evening.  As luck would have it, they were hosting a small dinner party.  The wife tried to put him off, out of earshot of the guests, but he was having none of it.  He made it clear that he was going to take the husband out to their horse barn and spank him, and they could choose for it be done the easy way (by cooperating in making up some story for the husband to excuse himself from the party for a few minutes) or the hard way. They capitulated, with the husband telling the guests he needed to show the intrusive guest something in the barn that he was interested in buying.  He very reluctantly accompanied the man to the barn, where he was commanded to take off his pants and bend over some hay bales.  The dominant man took off his thick leather belt and delivered a “to tears” whipping before allowing the husband to gather himself and go back to the party.

 

I also was very into a story involving a bratty teenage son who was being raised by a single mother.  He mistreated his mother and felt guilty about it.  He had an uncle who lived on a farm a couple of hours away, and he knew from overhearing his cousins getting spanked that his uncle gave very hard disciplinary spankings.  In the woodshed. He got up his courage and asked his mother to ask his uncle give him such a spanking.  She set it up and drove him there to receive his spanking. 

 

Unlike the first story, I know the source of this one.  It’s entitled, “My Trip to the Woodshed” and the author’s name is Dave Christopher.  It is available in full here. Here is an excerpt that covers most of what drove this story to spin off into many fantasies for me:

 

Uncle Leonard stood up. He nodded to me to follow and advised that I was to accompany him to the woodshed, suggesting that Aunt Jenny and mom take a comfortable seat on the back porch. The implication was obvious. He wanted them to hear the punishment administered, the woodshed being less that thirty feet from the porch. He paused to remove the formidable leather strap from behind the kitchen door, and motioned for me to precede him to the woodshed.

 

Slowly and reluctantly I walked to the woodshed, Uncle Leonard’s footsteps clearly falling behind me. As I opened the woodshed door I glanced back to see mom and Aunt Jenny taking their seats on the porch. Uncle Len followed me into the woodshed, surprisingly bright with the afternoon sun shining through the wide areas between the wood slats of the walls. I remembered how clearly Uncle Len’s strappings could be heard from the porch since the woodshed was far from soundproof. Uncle Len sat on a sturdy straight-back chair and pulled me to his side. He laid the strap across his lap and undid my trowsers, pulling them down to my knees. My underwear was quickly wisked down as well. Uncle Len then picked up the strap and turned me over his knees.

 

My bottom was jack-knifed over his right thigh with my toes touching the floor, and my head almost touching the floor on the other side. He grasped my right wrist and held it firmly in the small of my back, pushing down with his left hand and forearm to hold me in position.

 

Uncle Len advised me that he was about to teach me a lesson that I would not soon forget. As a matter of fact it was probably the first of many sessions with his strap if my behaviour didn’t improve dramatically. Because my first lesson was so very important he intended to make it it a particularly memorable one so it would be a deterrent and something to think about should I fail to respect and obey my mother in the future. I was squirming nervously as he made his comments and I could feel goose bumps on my bottom and thighs. He trailed the leather strap lightly across my bottom and thighs and suggested that I was probably planning to take my punishment quietly to show how tough I was but, unfortunately, he assured me, that would not happen. He suggested that I would be wise to just react naturally to the strapping as it was going to burn and sting very profoundly and trying to take it quietly would not work. I should just let myself go – cry, howl, screech, kick, jump – because "that is the reaction I want from the strap and that is what I want your mother to hear". Uncle Leonard added that he intended this to be a long and thorough strapping that I would feel for a few days and that my bottom and thighs would be very red and sore when he finished.”

 

That story presses a whole bunch of my fantasy buttons: The nervousness in traveling to a spanking you know is coming. (That happened very early on in our spanking relationship, when my wife ordered me to drive home from work at lunch for a spanking. The 20-minute drive felt more like two hours.)  Being walked out to the place you will be spanked.  The uncle's highly business-like approach, spelling out what is about to happen.  Him emphasizing how bad it is going to be.

 

And, I have a HUGE thing for barns and woodsheds.  Why?  I’m not certain, as I’ve never actually been spanked in one.  But, it may be that I grew up on farms and ranches, and one particular horse and hay barn became the location for some of my earliest Penthouse-aided (solo) sexual explorations. That may have eroticized barns for me, such that when the DWC came into my life, my psyche extended those early erotic experiences in the barn to my new spanking fantasies.

 

 

In my barn/woodshed fantasies today, I tend to fantasize a scenario in which Anne has gotten close to another couple, with a male who is either dominant or a switch.  She decides that I need to be taught a lesson regarding some repeated offense.  She tells me that we are going to the other couple’s house and that I will be spanked - by the husband.  I'm scared the entire trip to their house, and mortified when we get there and I have to face the man who I know is going to be spanking me in the very near future.  After verifying with Anne that she wants him to give me a spanking I won't forget, he takes me out to their woodshed or barn, while the two women sit on the deck and listen to the whole thing.  Again, it's a lot like the "My Trip to the Woodshed" story, but in an adult setting and with Anne instigating the whole thing.

 

Why the M/m fantasies? I suspect it relates to the whole “consent” thing we discussed two weeks ago.  Getting spanked in a way that feels imposed, i.e. someone else has decreed it is going to happen whether I agree or not, is a huge part of my DD wiring. A male spanker, with the additional male aggressiveness and physical strength, enhances the feelings of inevitability and vulnerability. At least, I think that’s probably the impetus for my M/m fantasy attraction.

 

Other fantasies?  I do fantasize about Anne sending me to another woman’s home to be spanked.  Again, there is the agonizing drive over.  The embarrassment of knocking at the door and telling the woman that I’m there for my spanking.  In some fantasies, Anne is gone on a trip and has asked the other woman to keep an eye on me. I commit some offense, and Anne makes me call the other woman and tell her I need to be spanked.  Somehow, for me making that call seems even more embarrassing and ego threatening than the spanking itself.

 

 

(I know I've used this same captioned photo recently, but it's the best I have for depictions of being sent to another woman to be spanked.)
 

Witnesses, or being spanked along with another man, as Alan described?  Although those scenarios are something I think I would like to experience, it doesn’t rise to the level I think of as “fantasy.” It’s more like a personal growth goal; something that I think would be emotionally challenging and potentially life-changing in a good way, but it's not a scenario I spend a lot of time thinking about.

 

Anne spanking other men, as Doug and I discussed last week after he revealed his fantasy? It is something that I think would be hugely empowering for her, and I think that would be a major turn-on for me. But, it’s kind of like witnesses or being spanked along with someone else; I’m sure it would be a very interesting experience, but it’s not really the stuff of fantasies for me. And, while I would be very supportive of her spanking another man, I don’t have any particular desire to witness her doing it. I’m a pretty empathetic person, and I don’t know that I would actually like to see another man getting a hard disciplinary spanking. I think I might sympathize with him too much.

 

Of my prevalent spanking fantasies, are there any I would not want to experience in real life? Honestly, not really.  I sometimes envy the guys here who have had experiences like being spanked in front of witnesses, and I definitely envy the stories I get from Aunt Kay's husband. In real life, we haven't been nearly as adventurous as some of you. But, it isn't really for lack of interest on my part.  It's a result of being way too paranoid about confidentiality and anonymity in the early years, and now there hasn't been a real-life opportunity.

How far would Anne go in supporting making some of these fantasies a reality? Honestly, I don't know.  She reads the blog, and I've told her about some dreams and fantasies.  She doesn't seem judgmental and has never flat-out rejected anything I've brought up, but I've also never really pushed her to consider trying to bring any of my fantasies to fruition.  

 

 

Maybe that's a mistake on my part. As discussed, most of our DD relationships begin with a fantasy revealed, but that revelation is probably most often accompanied by an actual request to explore it. When I brought the DWC website to her attention, although I had a hard time getting the words out, I certainly made it known that this is something I actually wanted to explore.  And, I really had no idea how she would react, and it turned out to be positive.  So, maybe it's a mistake on my part to assume she wouldn't give something a try if I pushed just a little. (Though, in many of these scenarios, there really does need to be the right opportunity.)

 

How about you? What are your most frequent DD or FLR fantasies?  Are there any you wish would happen in real life? Are there any you definitely do not want to happen in real life? 

 

I know this one could be embarrassing, but none of us know each other or our real identities. So, let’s all support each other in exploring something this personal. With that in mind, I will be quick to delete any judgmental comments.

 

Have a great week.