The greatest remedy for anger is delay. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club. Our weekly on-line gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationship.
I hope you all had a great week. Or, rather, weeks. It seems like several since I’ve been very engaged with this group. Probably because it has, in fact, been weeks. First, there was vacation. Then there was Covid. Then there was the past week, when I was off dealing with an unanticipated family thing.
It's also been that way on the home front where DD is concerned. Only more so. First, there was the hiatus while Anne’s wrist was in a cast or she was still rehabilitating that injury. Though, honestly, I behaved pretty well during that whole period.
However, things started to degenerate about the time she was mostly recovered. Mostly small stuff. But, some things stuck in my craw, with some real annoyance at myself. We went out with another couple one evening, and a bit too much of a good time was had by me and the other husband. Nothing too extreme, but enough that I regretted it the next day, especially since it broke a multi-week chain of good behavior.
Second, I had one of those acts of carelessness that wasn’t a big deal in and of itself but could have become a big deal under other circumstances. I’ve reported here before that one “small thing” Anne has spanked me for is forgetting to clean our rice maker after dinner. I did it again recently, but this time I didn’t just fail to clean it. I left it plugged in and on overnight. Nothing happened, but it seems like the kind of thing that could result in a fire under the right circumstances. I was angry at myself about it and, honestly, I probably would have self-reported it and maybe even suggested a spanking if we hadn’t left on vacation shortly after that.
Third, while on vacation there were a couple of incidents—including one instance of significant disobedience—that should have gotten me spanked, and would have except for the fact that as soon as we got back home we both ended up with Covid.
So, on the one hand, I feel like there has been an accumulation of bad behavior, none of which was addressed. On the other hand, quite a bit of time has passed since each of those bad acts.
We’ve talked about delayed punishment here several times. The conversation usually has revolved around how punishment needs to happen relatively soon after the offense if it is to be an effective deterrent.
However, domestic discipline is not just about deterring bad behavior. We’ve talked about how it helps “clear the air” or results in a “clean slate,” preventing any lingering resentment or bad feelings. Yet, that also tends to happen naturally with the passage of time. Indeed, if there is too long a gap between the offense and the punishment, the whole thing can feel kind of pointless.
We’ve had a few commenters here who have said their wives will seldom, if ever, let any substantial offense go unpunished. Even if it takes several days or weeks, they will make sure it does not go unaddressed.
What I’m really interested in, however, is the point of view from the other end of the paddle. Are there times that you, the disciplined husbands, ever feel like an offense or series of offenses really should be addressed even if a substantial period of time has passed?
I’m asking because, honestly, that’s the way I’ve been feeling. Regarding the act of carelessness I referred to above, it’s something Anne has spanked me for before and likely would have this time had she discovered it and done so before we left on vacation. And, I really am mad at myself for it, because while nothing bad really happened as a result of my screw-up, it could have. As for the other bad acts, while my feeling that they really do require some accountability has dissipated, it hasn’t gone away completely.
Usually, if I avoid a spanking after some bit of bad behavior, I may feel some mild regret, but it’s usually offset by an understandable sense of relief. So, why is this time different?
First, I think it’s because the conduct involved some things I myself care about. It’s not just about breaking some rule but about feeling like I screwed up and there really should be a consequence for that even if time has passed.
Second, before Anne hurt her hand, she really was ramping up her strictness. Discipline also just seemed much more “top of mind” for her. She was spanking me for something almost weekly, and she was starting to do things like reminding me about journaling regularly and owning up to bad behavior. While my ass didn’t enjoy the increased attention, it felt like we were on a good trajectory where her exercising more control was concerned. It was emotionally challenging for me, but that’s always been part of the point of doing this – pushing my limits where humbling and giving up control are concerned.
Third, and relatedly, I sometimes go through phases in which I feel myself drifting more and more outside prudent boundaries and start to feel a deep need to be reined in hard and consistently. After what has turned into a substantial hiatus from discipline, I find myself in one of those moods now. The need I feel for discipline isn’t closely tied to any of the misconduct described above but, rather, a more general feeling that I need Anne to take stricter, more firm control for a while. Fortunately for my mental state, but unfortunately for my ass, I get the sense that Anne is kind of looking for an excuse to impose such control again, as she has proactively brought up discipline a couple of times lately, including asking whether I had anything that needed to go into my journal.
How about you? Does time usually dissipate whatever need you felt for penance, or are there times that you regret “getting away with it”? Does that regret rise to the level that you will actually request that she deal with it? How does your wife feel about the passage of time after an offense? If enough time has passed, does she tend to forget about the behavior and/or just let it slide? Or, is she one of the seemingly rare wives who seldom, if ever, lets a substantial offense go unpunished?
I hope you have a great week. Sorry again for the inconsistent posting.
