tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post373957564350081378..comments2024-03-28T11:43:32.966-07:00Comments on The Disciplinary Couples Club: The Club - Ebbs & Flows and Getting Back on TrackDan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comBlogger51125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-42687279269735578172021-02-07T06:05:25.814-08:002021-02-07T06:05:25.814-08:00This "kinky little blog" has also become... This "kinky little blog" has also become something of a virtual village. And as a fellow villager, I offer you my most sincere condolences and hope you can feel, even a little bit, that your grief is shared.Tomy Nashhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06208893789610692117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-29052752804529257782021-02-06T14:17:41.509-08:002021-02-06T14:17:41.509-08:00ZM, very sorry for your loss. I lost a younger sis...ZM, very sorry for your loss. I lost a younger sister not long ago and I still think of her every day.BTW your prospective topics/questions for Dan are good ones. It seems to be a topic of wide interest.<br />Alan Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-84920293651217231282021-02-06T13:30:03.372-08:002021-02-06T13:30:03.372-08:00ZM, I'm very sorry for your loss. My thoughts ...ZM, I'm very sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-47526600071294183252021-02-06T13:17:00.388-08:002021-02-06T13:17:00.388-08:00Hi Brett - "I wish it happened. A dream, in a...Hi Brett - "I wish it happened. A dream, in a way, is like a real experience." I was just thinking the same thing when I read Tomy's post. I wish I could have many more spanking related dreams (and everything else that exists in my kinky mind) and be able to remember those dreams, since it would give me the experiences without any of the complications!<br /><br />-ZMBad_boy_G_punished_by_Zhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15062930835790875000noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-59570769256841005712021-02-06T13:13:55.284-08:002021-02-06T13:13:55.284-08:00Hi Alan,
As seems to be the case with everything I...Hi Alan,<br />As seems to be the case with everything I am writing this week, I am probably not expressing myself very well. I experienced my first loss of a sibling a couple of days ago (way too young), and so I think my head is still in a fog.<br /><br />I don't have any experience with either people knowing (or at least not knowing for sure though a couple might suspect something), and certainly haven't had any witnesses, so I really don't know how the two things compare. Thank you for talking a bit about your experiences.<br /><br />Since I don't know if either people knowing for sure or witnesses will ever actually happen, I am of course most curious about just what it is like. The reason I lumped them together - from my position of inexperience - is because I assume they both have similar feelings, though as you said quite different in how intense it is. <br /><br />I understand what you are saying about how somebody "knowing" is still ambiguous, since at that point, no matter what they have been told, it is still defined by how they envision it, but once they witness it, it is concrete and they just see it exactly as it is, not how they imagine.<br /><br />Anyway, thanks for your response! <br /><br />-ZM<br /><br />BTW Dan, in response to your: "I’m at a loss for how to approach it in any way we haven’t done a dozen times before. If any of you have new topic suggestions relating to witnesses, please let me know." I don't have any great topic suggestions related to witnesses in particular, but based on Alan's writings this week, there a few possibilities that could maybe further explored:<br />- What is the motivation of the spanker to either tell someone or have a witness<br /> - and does that change over time if it is repeated <br />- What are the barriers to telling people or having witnesses<br /> - Fear of indiscretion?<br /> - Fear of how they will react (to telling them)?<br />- Think of who you might tell or have as a witness. How do you think they would react?<br />- How do you think you would feel in either of these two scenarios? <br />- How do you think it would change your relationship with the person who knows or the witness?<br />- How do you think it would change your DD relationship?<br />- Do you have any friends who you think could have an FLR or DD relationship? <br /> - If so, what makes you think that?<br />- And so on... :-)<br /><br />And obviously for those who have experienced it (from either end of the paddle) or who have ever actually witnessed a spanking, it would change from what you think to what you know!<br /><br /><br />Bad_boy_G_punished_by_Zhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15062930835790875000noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-68379318244219897562021-02-06T13:04:02.847-08:002021-02-06T13:04:02.847-08:00I’m the same. It’s interesting that, despite think...I’m the same. It’s interesting that, despite thinking about it almost every day, I don’t remember ever having a dream of actual spanking. Maybe a few times the idea of it was floating around the edges of a dream, but very rare. I wish it happened. A dream, in a way, is like a real experience.<br /><br />Also, at least for me, growing up, the difference between someone seeing a spanking and just knowing about it was monumental. Someone outside the immediate family as a live participant in the event sticks in the memory like a thorn, or like a wound that remains, a scab oddly pleasurable to be picked at.<br />Bretthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16055467532238794485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-84512395430117093802021-02-06T10:31:40.784-08:002021-02-06T10:31:40.784-08:00ZM,
“Witnesses are just a step further than someon...ZM,<br />“Witnesses are just a step further than someone knowing, but I kind of lump that all into the same category” We almost always agree but on this one, there is a difference for me. Someone”knowing“that you are spanked and actually witnessing it are different experiences. Probably half a dozen people “know” as opposed to one woman actually seeing and hearing it (two lifetime). The single witness, my wife’s sister knew quite a while but it wasn’t talked about and more than someone knowing something private about me (not public knowledge) but not a huge deal and maybe just kinky sex which I “knew” she was interested in when younger. But actually being disciplined (not just spanked) in front of her was a kind of defining moment several levels more intense than just her knowing. Just knowing is tacit, ambiguous and a little abstract. But it happening in front of a witness is real, tangible and undeniable. If you had a prior relationship with the witness, it changes that relationship (a positive change for me) and it does change the DD relationship too (again, positive for me). But someone just knowing does not have that kind of impact.<br />Alan<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-47120539983786019012021-02-06T09:46:39.658-08:002021-02-06T09:46:39.658-08:00Yeah, me too. It is very rare that anything spanki...Yeah, me too. It is very rare that anything spanking-related happens in a dream, which is most surprising considering how often it crosses my mind during my waking hours. <br /><br />And Tomy, even more strange, I too had a "witnessed" scene in a dream about a month back, or at least they knew I was being taken into the other room for a spanking. <br /><br />BTW, for me, witnesses are just a step further than someone knowing, but I kind of lump that all into the same category since I imagine the feelings for the one being spanked are similar in either case.<br /><br />I was very surprised considering I almost never have anything spanking related in dreams, or at least dreams that I remember. I guess the witness thing is just really burned into my brain!<br /><br />-ZMBad_boy_G_punished_by_Zhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15062930835790875000noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-37332338158386382892021-02-06T06:58:21.395-08:002021-02-06T06:58:21.395-08:00I've recounted a couple of spanking-related dr...I've recounted a couple of spanking-related dreams here, but it's interesting how seldom I have such dreams, given what a big part of my life DD has been for several years now.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-14498848474709698382021-02-06T06:56:37.536-08:002021-02-06T06:56:37.536-08:00Yeah, that does change the meaning just a little. ...Yeah, that does change the meaning just a little. ;-)Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-24225731389780270512021-02-06T06:19:47.737-08:002021-02-06T06:19:47.737-08:00Back to WITNESSING, sort of...
This involves witn...Back to WITNESSING, sort of...<br /><br />This involves witnessing. But it was my dream last night.<br />I was with some friends and for some reason we entered an apartment I was familiar with. Not sure why I took them there, but then the woman whose place it was came home and found me there. She immediately grabbed a braided belt and began violently whipping my butt with it. I was standing and she was incredibly mad.<br /><br />My friends were horrified and I think were going to go for help. But I gestured that everything was OK. As intense as she was being, I didn’t feel anything.<br />When I woke up, I figured it was triggered by a photo I recently saw on another blog of a woman holding a braided strap and taking a selfies. That photo was the ultimate “wait until you get home, you bad boy” image.<br />Tomy Nashhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06208893789610692117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-75643618264719261932021-02-05T16:57:22.697-08:002021-02-05T16:57:22.697-08:00Oh boy...I meant
"We had light F/m DD when w...Oh boy...I meant <br />"We had light F/m DD when we were first married.<br /><br />Have a great weekend...<br />Carol H.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-31892987977492604822021-02-05T11:36:42.264-08:002021-02-05T11:36:42.264-08:00Dan,
"Have you had a long-ish period in which...Dan,<br />"Have you had a long-ish period in which you stopped your DD or FLR practices entirely? Why did that happen? What led to getting back on track?"<br /><br />We had light M/f DD when we were first married. When the kids came along it fell by the wayside, to a large extent, until they got older and my hubby and I had new privacy that came with a weekend house when the kids were not there. It stayed pretty much the same. When the kids both moved out we gradually fell back into DD and a more stricter FLR, which my husband had expressed interest in. We love our kids visiting but enjoy our privacy. <br /><br />This past weekend we celebrated his birthday. I gave my husband a nice gift but I also dominated his entire weekend by having him be my attendant, servant, cook and, of course, lover. He was restricted to our home and did as he was told for me, the head of the household. He wore panties I selected for him. He received birthday discipline and he was unmercifully teased both verbally and physically. He told me loved it all. We'll do this for my birthday in a couple of months and whatever other time I decide. Privacy is absolutely required for DD and our FLR. We'd feel uncomfortable otherwise.<br />Carol H.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-68708389844710971482021-02-05T09:31:00.318-08:002021-02-05T09:31:00.318-08:00ZM, I agree there is a sexual component for me. A...ZM, I agree there is a sexual component for me. And, over time, I think Anne has developed one, too. I agree with you though, that for me the sexual component hinges on the spanking being for something real. Spanking as a stand-alone sexual activity really doesn't do anything for me.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-39058301942011447612021-02-05T09:26:52.198-08:002021-02-05T09:26:52.198-08:00I honestly don't know. Part of it is almost li...I honestly don't know. Part of it is almost like ADD -- I jump from one distraction to the next, including spending WAY too much time on-line. I think it also reflects something I've said before - I envy your hobbies and don't have enough of them myself. I really don't like home repair and improvement kind of things, and I tend to screw them up. So, if a room needs painting, I tend to outsource it. During the summer and fall, I actually was spending a lot of time puttering around my garage, working on motorcycles, installing peg boards and imposing some order for the first time. But, when winter came along, that stopped. I think I need to start keeping some kind of log to see where all the time is going. I've started noticing that by the time I get up, make breakfast, voraciously consume news on the 'net, check this blog, take the dogs for a walk, do my home-based physical therapy, and shower, most of my morning is gone.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-8686986351685096612021-02-05T09:06:38.645-08:002021-02-05T09:06:38.645-08:00Hi Dan: "The whole thing she found attractive...Hi Dan: "The whole thing she found attractive about the DWC as portrayed in the stories on the website and in Aunt Kay's advice was that the spankings were NOT designed to serve the husband's fantasies and were focused on real punishment for real bad behavior. At that point in time, she had zero interest in serving my fantasies but lots of interest in getting a real point across."<br /><br />I can see that I used a poor choice of words. I probably shouldn't have said that in almost every case her initial motivation is his fantasy, but rather that in almost every case it is him who feels the desire or need to be spanked, and she is trying to make that a reality.<br /><br />The word "fantasy" carries the wrong connotations for many (most?). For me, it all works because I think I have a fantasy/fetish for receiving real punishments for real offenses. There is unquestionably a sexual component to it for me, but there must be a real underlying cause.<br /><br />Anyway, I suspect that many wives here start into DD because their husband wants/needs this, so it starts more about him. But over time that can easily morph into being something she does partly or mostly because she wants to, likes to, or gains some benefit from it. And that is when reality hits a whole new level...!<br /><br />And Brett, I agree that ideally you and your wife would share a complimentary fetish, but it has been my experience with my wife that initially it was all my desire, but over time I have been incredibly fortunate that she has really started to want to do this, not just to please me or satisfy some need of mine.<br /><br />-ZM Bad_boy_G_punished_by_Zhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15062930835790875000noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-26165631066205768342021-02-05T06:01:24.136-08:002021-02-05T06:01:24.136-08:00Dan: every time I hear that from people......and y...Dan: every time I hear that from people......and you are NOT alone, I just scratch my head in consternation. There must be an underlying reason for it since it is not an isolated issue, but I'll be damned if I can wrap my head around it. I just repainted the bedroom this week, in addition to some other things. Where some can't seem to get started, I have difficulty in stopping. (and I am recovered enough to do these things safely). I am curious as to why you think you have had this malaise?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-9752649179541313762021-02-04T16:45:04.627-08:002021-02-04T16:45:04.627-08:00The way DD works as an ideal in my head is that my...The way DD works as an ideal in my head is that my wife and I share a complementary fetish. Our fantasies are similar, and we’re both fulfilled by acting them out. It’s never a fake spanking, because we know what we’re doing. There’s no illusion about anything. Spanking works because, if it’s to address bad behavior, the message is clear. I want to correct it because she’s made her point in an agonizingly emphatic way, a powerfully symbolic way, and I feel bad about my actual failure. Real shame and pain is motivation to change regardless of how well the scene fits our fantasies. I’m not into intentionally trying to earn punishment, so bad behavior is never being reinforced. The sexual fulfillment is greatly heightened because her fantasies are brought to life as well, and her fetishes also don’t alter her sincere intent to modify behavior.<br /><br />I can see how that wouldn’t work for everyone - if the motivation to be spanked is greater than the motivation to avoid it. Like in a case with witnesses, the fantasy is good, the reality is bad, but should it become reality…? I imagine there would be excitement involved in the anticipation and the memory. I might enjoy having experienced it, but it still is what it is — frightening. If that doesn’t help motivate me to see things the right way, then nothing will beyond a more persuasive argument.Bretthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16055467532238794485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-58834772941972185612021-02-04T13:02:58.083-08:002021-02-04T13:02:58.083-08:00Yeah, each break does tend to result in things goi...Yeah, each break does tend to result in things going, at best, back to baseline. They really screw up any momentum that had been building upDan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-26530593060652558932021-02-04T13:01:30.460-08:002021-02-04T13:01:30.460-08:00I've had the same experience with Covid, thoug...I've had the same experience with Covid, though it is so counter-intuitive. One would think that we would have more time, and more incentive, for DD-related activities given the lockdowns, but it hasn't worked out that way. It's the same with non-DD activities; I'm quite disappointed at how little I have accomplished despite having more time on my hands thanks to no commute, no business travel, etc.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-42219220082715746822021-02-04T12:59:14.183-08:002021-02-04T12:59:14.183-08:00"I think (but don't know) that in most ca..."I think (but don't know) that in most cases the initial motivation for most wives for DD is almost always to fulfill his fantasy." For us, it was kind of the opposite. We had done some very limited role playing with spanking, and she became concerned that by giving fake spankings for sometimes real bad behavior as part of sexual foreplay, she was reinforcing the bad behavior. So, she stopped it entirely. The whole thing she found attractive about the DWC as portrayed in the stories on the website and in Aunt Kay's advice was that the spankings were NOT designed to serve the husband's fantasies and were focused on real punishment for real bad behavior. At that point in time, she had zero interest in serving my fantasies but lots of interest in getting a real point across.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-25850307981101916572021-02-04T12:54:47.275-08:002021-02-04T12:54:47.275-08:00That is an issue with Anne too -- she often just d...That is an issue with Anne too -- she often just doesn't think about spanking as a "go to" tool when something I do pisses her off.Dan - A Disciplined Hubbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01588294648648656600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-41558100736187911472021-02-04T09:45:01.470-08:002021-02-04T09:45:01.470-08:00Hi Julie,
I am pretty sure that if my wife ever di...Hi Julie,<br />I am pretty sure that if my wife ever did have a witness, she would get a huge charge out of openly showing her dominance (though we have a pretty conventional relationship that just happens to include DD and some crazy stuff, so she is not normally dominant).<br /><br />I shudder to think of how hard she would spank if there were at witness, but I am absolutely sure that it would be a lot harder than usual, which is more than hard enough.<br /><br />And Brett,<br />"For me, I guess it’s just a bizarre kind of exhibitionism and being at the center of humiliating attention, where the fantasy is pleasure but the reality is pain." - I think you just pretty well nailed what real DD is like, at least for me!<br /><br />-ZM <br /><br />Bad_boy_G_punished_by_Zhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15062930835790875000noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-78140834960260133662021-02-04T09:39:53.585-08:002021-02-04T09:39:53.585-08:00Hi Alan,
Excellent angle on witnesses! And in fact...Hi Alan,<br />Excellent angle on witnesses! And in fact the whole "her motivation" issue applies not only to witnesses, but to DD in general. It always comes down to "what's in it for her?" <br /><br />I think (but don't know) that in most cases the initial motivation for most wives for DD is almost always to fulfill his fantasy. But then I think the motivations can get much more diverse as time passes. I think that when your wife realizes that SHE can benefit from DD, that is when it all starts to get pretty real. And for those who have been here long, they might know that for me "reality vs. fantasy" is one of the key things I think about.<br /><br />In the specific case of witnesses, no doubt if my wife ever did this it would be mostly to fulfill a fantasy for me (or at least I think it is a fantasy!). However, she also always wanted to be an actress, and she kind of gets a kick out of exercising power, so there is little question that she would also love to exert her power in front of an audience (presumably of 1)!<br /><br />But then if it were to ever happen - however unlikely it might be - it would be very interesting to see if it ever happened again, and if so what her motivation might be. After it happened once, my desire to do it would go way down and it would be much less of a fantasy for me, I assume. At the same time, she would then know exactly what the dynamic was and what effect it had, so if she ever did it again it might be that I would absolutely NOT want it to happen again, and she would either want the thrill of showing her power in front of someone else, or it could be that she would see just how humbling it was for me, and would want to do that to enhance the punishment.<br /><br />Anyway, motivations are always incredibly complex but fascinating!<br /><br />And for your last post here, I agree on each and every point. This totally resonates with me on every level.<br /><br />-ZM Bad_boy_G_punished_by_Zhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15062930835790875000noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6699266088923868373.post-89424153244796277622021-02-04T09:26:48.463-08:002021-02-04T09:26:48.463-08:00My wife tends to simply not think to go to spankin...My wife tends to simply not think to go to spanking for many things like this. She has spanked me for attitude a number of times, but that is more for general grumpiness or having an unhealthy negative attitude, and not for disrespecting her.<br /><br />However, I think that if she did think of it in the moment, she would not hesitate to use spanking for something like this. She prefers at least slightly significant issues precisely because it is at least somewhat emotionally loaded. She doesn't like to spank me for tiny oversights because it feels petty to her.<br /><br />-ZMBad_boy_G_punished_by_Zhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15062930835790875000noreply@blogger.com