Sunday, November 15, 2020

Delayed Post Update - Impromptu Topic by Belle

After posting the below notice that I probably wouldn't be posting this week, I received the below comment from Belle:

 

“I was fascinated by the part of last week's discussion about our real roles and how they may be contradictory, how secret we keep them, who actually knows about our various roles, etc. I thought it could be a topic.

 

While I imagine that most people behave differently depending on the role they are in and the people they are with, I think maybe those of us in the DD community have more contradictory roles than the average couple: the differences when our spanked husbands are alpha in some situations and beta in others may be more pronounced, for instance.

 

Even for the disciplinary wife, there may be a more pronounced difference in our various roles. I think it was Liz who mentioned that she is basically a 50s wife who spanks, which definitely goes against that stereotype.

 

Just an idea, anyway. Maybe you have already discussed it.”

 

So, let’s run with that as this week’s topic.  I'll post more on it later after I finish up some other projects I need to get to this week.

 

******************

 

All, sorry for the continuing delay. Today was busier than anticipated, and tomorrow promises more of the same.  I'm also suffering from a lack of inspiration for topics.  So, there probably won't be a post this week.  Is it too early for Christmas and winter-themed art?  I hope not.

Have a good week.



 


61 comments:

  1. Dan,
    I was fascinated by the part of last week's discussion about our real roles and how they may be contradictory, how secret we keep them, who actually knows about our various roles, etc. I thought it could be a topic.

    While I imagine that most people behave differently depending on the role they are in and the people they are with, I think maybe those of us in the DD community have more contradictory roles than the average couple: the differences when our spanked husbands are alpha in some situations and beta in others may be more pronounced, for instance.

    Even for the disciplinary wife, there may be a more pronounced difference in our various roles. I think it was Liz who mentioned that she is basically a 50s wife who spanks, which definitely goes against that stereotype.

    Just an idea, anyway. Maybe you have already discussed it.
    Belle

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  2. Hi Dan, The holidays are fast approaching and I love the first pic. Mr snowman surly get an eye full of that lovely woman......

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  3. Belle, and Dan,
    This is a great topic to continue, so glad Belle suggested it.
    I really don’t see the roles we play in DD, either as disciplinary wives or disciplined husbands, contradictory as much as they are expressions of the complex many layered personality most of us have. My role as a spanked husband under my wife’s authority at home and when she chooses is not less real or more the “real me” than the alpha aggressive sometimes intimidating (I have been told) role I play in public on an everyday basis. They both are me, although one is very public and the other relatively private.
    Obviously I can’t speak for wives in general but I have been in two different disciplinary relationships and watched both women discover and then develop a part of themselves they had suppressed or at least were not in touch with. I am not ready to claim as some have that women are “natural disciplinarians” but I know that the two women who have disciplined me as an adult have found that role to be natural to them. (I still remember my former girlfriend’s words after administering probably the first spanking that I completely surrendered to her –“Alan, this just seems so natural”
    For sure there are cultural norms (even today) that make our DD roles seem anomalous. But those cultural norms are weakening as more and more people demand the right to express their deepest feelings and needs. It is males who seek female authority and discipline but ironically it is growing freedom for women to grow and express themselves that makes it work for both
    Alan

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    1. "Obviously I can’t speak for wives in general but I have been in two different disciplinary relationships and watched both women discover and then develop a part of themselves they had suppressed or at least were not in touch with." -- It's an interesting question -- are they "discovering" or "developing" from scratch? My guess is it varies from woman to woman.

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    2. I expect that you are right that it varies from woman to woman. All I can speak of is my own experience, and even then I can't really say whether the my wife had an inner disciplinarian waiting to be discovered, or whether it has just developed from scratch. What I can say is that she has certain stepped into the role well. She is not always very quick to turn to discipline, but she is very, very good at it when she does.

      -ZM

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  4. The seeming contradictions in the differences in a person's 'real roles' actually make perfect sense. We are many different things to many different people and our goals and motivations are very different. The easiest example is a person who is an adult with a social life who is also a parent. The role you take on to raise a child is definitely going to be different from how that same person interacts with friends, or adding yet another 'role'......co-worker.

    As such, I don't think we DD folks are that much more extreme in this regard......just different. Nor do I think that having contradictory roles render any of them less real than another. The ME who is a father is very different but just as real as the ME who is a semi-submissive husband. I suppose if our roles ever differ so far so as to be hypocritical, one reality might seem phony when measured against another. ( Think a smoking parent telling their kid not to, or worse a manager who fires someone for taking office supplies home while actively embezzling assets from the payroll.) I also acknowledge that we as humans are contradictory beings even when we don't quite cross the line into hypocrisy. And the ability to transition from role to role enables us to function in complex societies. But hell, even the primitive who went out hunting for food, acted one way if he encountered a rival tribe than he did when returning home to his own clan. Maybe if we were non-nurturing animals.... like bluefish we would only act one way all of the time.

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    1. This makes total sense to me. And, it's probably the case that things can, and do, fall apart when people insist on playing only one role in the name of being "natural" or "authentic," like parents who think it is more important to be a friend than an authority figure. I'm even willing to forgive a bit of hypocrisy on that front, like the parent who punishes a kid for using weed then takes the confiscated joint into the backyard and smokes it themselves. There are some choices that are appropriate at some stages of development and not at others. I also kind of subscribe to the idea that you need to lay down some rules for kids just to give them something to rebel against and overcome!

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  5. This doesn’t apply to everyone into DD, but there is also the ME that negotiates the everyday sobering issues of life, and the sexual ME who is attracted to DD. The everyday me is, in many ways, a contradiction to dominance and submission, to favoring physical punishment as a healthy means to an end, and to the regulation of behaviors that I otherwise pay little attention to. I’m against spanking children, and yet my adult interests revolve around an idea that it was the right thing for me growing up. I doubt anyone who knows me would suspect it. If one finds they want DD, but are confused about it fitting their personality or values, it could be an underlying sexual motivation that is fueling contradictory impulses.

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  6. I have not commented in sometime but have stalked periodically.

    I recently explored this concept through the psychological concept of personal congruence. Basically, how do we make all these in people we are match the external roles we play.

    For me it was resolving I am externally and publically an alpha who is a business leader and successful at it. I am a husband who does his best trying to raise his kids. Internally I am a combination of a little boy who did not grow up, a teenager forced to grow up too quickly, an adult who wants nothing more than a nice vacation and to be left alone more....

    So what does all this do with DD? Through DD the incongruity of external reality and internal reality has slowly become more congruent. By role playing we have allowed the "little boy" out, I get to cede control to my wife so I dont always have to be a business like leader. The abilty to exercise these internal roles in reality has been good.
    By using DD to get us there I am happier and healthier which makes me a better husband, father and boss. My wife became convinced by my change in behavior...it was less about punishment and more about letting my roles become congruent.

    Dan - Just want to encourage you some. You have done a good job with this blog. It is more thoughtful on this subject than most. I have recently been visiting more since it seems the comment quality is better than it used to be. (Props to all you)

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    1. I like adding the concept of "congruence" as an additional dimension to thinking about contradictions in the roles we play (in real life). However I still believe that awareness and acceptance of those contradictions is the ultimate path to both individual growth and relationship growth. A women who posted here once (Tina?) wrote about hairbrushing her husband to tears and then watch him deliver a major speech and talked of her pride in him.( the hairbrushing /speech might have happened in reverse sequence, not sure) But that certainly would seem incongruous to many while at the same time it is probably the really of many DD relationships

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    2. Hi Somethingrandom - nice post. While I did not completely relate to all of it - all our situations vary, after all, I did really appreciate this line:

      >Through DD the incongruity of external reality and internal reality has slowly become more congruent.<

      Lots of truth in that (at least for me - and I suspect for others here as well) - well said!

      --al

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    3. "I recently explored this concept through the psychological concept of personal congruence. Basically, how do we make all these in people we are match the external roles we play." It's an interesting "chicken or the egg" issue, isn't it? Do we acquire external roles that map (or fail to map) to who we are inside, or is who we are internally a function of the external roles we find ourselves in? Or, both?

      "For me it was resolving I am externally and publically an alpha who is a business leader and successful at it. I am a husband who does his best trying to raise his kids. Internally I am a combination of a little boy who did not grow up, a teenager forced to grow up too quickly, an adult who wants nothing more than a nice vacation and to be left alone more...." This really resonates with me on so many levels, particularly the second and third parts of your combo.

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    4. In psychology we sometimes never know which is the chicken or egg. Sometimes we just need to fry both and have a good meal and move on.
      Congurence is sometimes eating both together. ;)

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  7. Props are good, right? Just kidding. See there's a harmless example of stuff that would get me in trouble. Not a "big trouble" example though. She had a great sense of humor. I made her laugh almost every day.

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    1. Indeed they are! And, in this current world, god knows we can all use a sense of humor!

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  8. Part 1:
    I'm younger than a lot of you and have less life experience so I haven't seen as many natural, complementary roles within a person as some of you describe.

    I would consider Jimmy, for instance, until I started spanking him, a "one-role guy." He exudes confidence in all circumstances. He was a star athlete in high school, confident with the ladies and his friends, big personality, life of the party. After high school he becomes a lineman apprentice and then a lineman, a job that fits him perfectly - dangerous, macho, up there by himself on a telephone pole. In our marriage, the same. Confident, in charge, a little bossy, a little selfish, but a big heart, knows how to take care of a house, etc. Just the guy you would expect him to be. I really saw him as that same guy, whoever he was with, whatever he was doing.

    What drove us apart is that I matured and tired of being his "little woman." So it was me who changed roles. When we found out I couldn't have kids, I didn't want to be the housewife any more. I wanted a career. And that did not fit with his image of me or himself or our marriage. But it was very consistent of him to take that position. Always the same role.

    So it couldn't have been a bigger shock when he suggested that I start spanking him in order to get what I needed: More respect. This seemed very contradictory to me, very un-Jimmy. I did not even believe it at first, and I started doing some research on spanked husbands and wound up on this blog, for which I thank Dan. I began to understand that there were other macho men, alphas, who needed to be spanked by their wives, especially, it seemed, for issues of attitude. The very attitude that made them successful alphas also has its negative side effects, I learned, and some of these alphas knew that was so and needed their wives to rein them in and had the guts to ask to be punished.

    But I still am somewhat flabbergasted when Jimmy meekly brings me the bath brush, bends over the arm of the couch, and takes a hard walloping from someone half his size. It just doesn't seem like him. So I need to learn more about how such roles are complementary. When I first started this, I asked on this blog if Jimmy would lose his swagger once I started spanking him, which really concerned me, but folks on here reassured me. Now I realize that this concern is tied to this week's topic, because my thinking was that his personality would be changed by being spanked and he would no longer be the confident guy I fell in love with. That being based on my belief that such roles would be contradictory rather than complementary.

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    1. Part 2
      I do notice that Jimmy has changed somewhat, and others have noticed too. He is more respectful, more gentle, more thoughtful, not just with me but with other women, too, which is one of the things I have been trying to spank into his brain through his behind. But he has not lost his swag, either, which I am very glad about.

      I feel like becoming a disciplinary wife is part of me maturing into a more confident woman. It seems like part of the progression of going from the little housewife to a successful career woman to taking charge of my marriage. So I do not see it as a contradictory role. At the same time, it goes way beyond what I ever would have expected of myself. I still can barely believe that I am punishing my big strong husband like a naughty little boy, and he is meekly taking it, and it is working to bring us back together.

      Though I do see becoming a disciplinary wife consistent with my development, I know that it would be an extreme shock to many who know me. They would think of it as contradictory roles. While I am not the shyest in our friend group, I certainly am not the most confident either. I fall somewhere in the middle. The two girlfriends who do know were both quite surprised when I told them. One was like, "I didn't know you had it in you." The other was like, "Good for you. Somebody needs to keep him under control." They both have been supportive. It also helps that there is a bit of erotic spanking in our group, as I previously mentioned here, so spanking itself isn't considered too weird.

      I would like to hear more from others about roles. I know KD and maybe others think it is all perfectly natural, but that is not my limited experience. While Jimmy is very accepting of his punishments, he has told me that he has worked hard to take on the role of the punished husband and it is not natural for him at all. It's the extreme motivation of wanting us back together that has inspired him to do this, he says.

      It has worked, too. Just this past weekend we reunited completely. It has taken a lot of effort on both our parts, and a lot of changing. DD is one part of it. I now have this tool that works when before I felt truly helpless. I am grateful to this blog for helping me gain the confidence to become a disciplinary wife.
      Belle






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    2. Hi Belle,
      Firstly, congratulations on your reuniting, something you have worked very hard on and to apparent great success. I think there are very few women much under 40 or so with the maturity and insight to take a situation like you had and make it work. Many couple, us included probably wish they had started DD earlier or understood it earlier. You are really far ahead of most and should be a role model for the women of your generation. Secondly, DD has been very good for you and Jimmy, giving both of you a chance to try out quite different roles. For both of you as for most of us, they were always part of who you are but DD brought them out. Finally, you have alluded to a few times, Jimmy losing his “swagger”, from submitting to you discipline. By now I expect you realize that does not happen. But it can go beyond not losing the swagger. Being under my wife’s authority does make me obedient to her, but seems to release even more of my energy and drive to the outside world. Being disciplined by a women you love and trust actually opens up power and capacities to a men he often doesn’t have access to without that discipline. So never worry about spanking the swagger out of him. If anything he will have more but directed where it belongs.
      Alan

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    3. Thank you, Alan.
      I don't know about my maturity and insight. I was pretty emotional when we broke up and don't think I handled it so maturely. But since then I think I have grown up a lot. I knew a while ago that I wanted to get back together with him, but I wanted it to be on my terms.
      Interesting about being disciplined by a woman opening up power and capacities for the spanked husband and directing his swagger where it belongs. He is already very powerful and capable, but maybe I will see more of it. I definitely think he has redirected his swagger away from putting down women. That is a very good thing. He is still the life of the party and a very confident man, and I find that immensely attractive.
      Belle

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    4. "The very attitude that made them successful alphas also has its negative side effects, I learned, and some of these alphas knew that was so and needed their wives to rein them in and had the guts to ask to be punished." I think this is exactly right. And, the lesson I think many successful young men and women have to learn at some point is that often the attributes that got you to one level of success are exactly what will keep you from moving up even higher. Looking back over the course of my career, a lot of the times I've stalled or stumbled it was the result of being stuck in the same personality dynamic that was key to my original successes. As a wise elder statesman at work once told me, "We are all a work in progress."

      "While I am not the shyest in our friend group, I certainly am not the most confident either. I fall somewhere in the middle." That pretty accurately describes my wife, too.

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  9. Belle, I’m very happy everything has been working so well for you and Jimmy through your willingness to become a disciplinary wife. While spanking for me is not congruence of personality and desire, as a consensual act, I have doubts about its power to change who I am. It is my choice to be in this kind of relationship, so any change is a change I am in control of. Apparently, Jimmy wanted to be more respectful of women, more gentle, more thoughtful, but needed spanking from you as a catalyst.

    I often wonder, in my own case, what the real tangible result of FLR/DD would be. I do not think it would have a significant impact on how I view or treat women, however, I do believe it would have an effect on how I view myself, especially as I relate to my wife. I would still be the same person, but with new strong feelings of humility in my house. You were genuinely concerned that Jimmy would lose his swag; from my perspective, I must consider what my wife thinks. Beyond kink, will she see me more as a child and less a man? When DD is a lifestyle, and not just a game, we are opening up to reveal in greater depth who we are. Our partner will be the judge of what they see. In your situation, I take it that Jimmy is comfortable with spanking, and is confident that he loses no respect from you in the process.

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    1. Hi, Brett,
      Thanks for your comments. I don't know how I feel about your idea that the husband already wants to change something and the spanking is just the catalyst. I don't think Jimmy wanted to treat women any differently. What he wanted was for him and me to get back together. I think I put the thought of him treating women differently into his head.
      I do think he knows that he loses no respect from me as a spanked husband. I actually think it is brave of you guys to ask to be spanked and to take the spankings when you know that you could physically stop them. I respect him more for accepting punishment and for changing his attitude, or at least his behavior, towards women.
      Belle

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    2. Hi Belle - I loved your comment:

      >I do think he knows that he loses no respect from me as a spanked husband. I actually think it is brave of you guys to ask to be spanked and to take the spankings when you know that you could physically stop them. I respect him more for accepting punishment and for changing his attitude<

      My wife has expressed similar sentiment about how she feels about spanking me - and I am reasonably certain that most disciplined husbands would hope that their wives have similar feelings. I would venture that the fear of appearing "weak or unmanly" is probably the single biggest reason that most men who secretly desire to try this lifestyle feel that they cannot risk approaching their wives about it. Reassuring the husbands that this is not the case is perhaps the kindest and most helpful thing that the DWC wife can do to make the DWC lifestyle successful.

      Well said!

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    3. Oops - forgot to sign that last reply to Belle's comment. ("My wife has expressed similar sentiment....")

      Again, thanks for your thoughts on the subject.

      --al

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    4. Belle, thank you for the clarification. This goes to the core of domestic discipline where spanking is used for punishment, as I see it anyway. What impact does spanking have on behavior and attitude when a husband has asked to be spanked, and he could stop the practice at any point he wants? Is it merely a form of self-discipline? Do you think Jimmy treats women differently now because he wants to please you in order to get back together or stay together, or is it because he wants to avoid punishment? Or did it take spanking to “teach a lesson” that sticks? Does he fear spanking? I find it interesting to know what the motivation is behind change, and what role spanking plays in it. Is spanking really necessary, or is it enough just to want to please our wives? Is spanking maybe just a stronger form of communication that conveys a spouse’s feelings in no uncertain terms?

      Knowing that no respect is lost as a spanked husband is a huge issue for me, especially when the main goal of punishment is to humble. I take a step back from using the word humiliation but, in the moment, I think that is actually how to describe the feelings. For many of us, the physical punishment is not the only pain we are accepting. In fact, for many of us, that emotional pain is as much a part of what we ask for as anything. The key is that humility doesn’t degrade. I haven’t seen many wives call it bravery, but your feeling about that puts the FLR relationship in a different light.

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    5. Lots of questions, Brett, I will try to answer them.

      "What impact does spanking have on behavior and attitude when a husband has asked to be spanked, and he could stop the practice at any point he wants? Is it merely a form of self-discipline?"
      I don't see how spanking can be self-discipline, unless he was spanking himself. It is discipline imposed by another (me). Just because he has requested to be held accountable does not make it self-discipline.

      "Do you think Jimmy treats women differently now because he wants to please you in order to get back together or stay together, or is it because he wants to avoid punishment?"
      Because he wants to stay together, definitely. He is all about that. But at the same time, the threat of spanking helps him bite his tongue and not say disrespectful things to me.

      "Or did it take spanking to “teach a lesson” that sticks?"
      Yes, I think that is mostly right. The lesson doesn't stick completely, because he still makes disrespectful comments on occasion. But he is much better about it.

      "Does he fear spanking?"
      I think he does, though he might not admit it. He looks pretty fearful when I send him for the bath brush.

      "Is spanking really necessary, or is it enough just to want to please our wives? "
      He has known for years that it would please me for him to be more respectful. That didn't make a bit of difference. Once I started spanking him, his motivation to please me became much much stronger.

      "Is spanking maybe just a stronger form of communication that conveys a spouse’s feelings in no uncertain terms?"
      I would take the word "just" out of your sentence. Spanking is a strong form of communication that conveys a spouse's feelings in no uncertain terms. Yep.

      Jimmy definitely is embarrassed by being spanked. I don't know if I would go as far as humiliated, but I see your point about emotional pain. But I think of emotional pain as a bad thing, but this isn't. Maybe because of what you say next. It is humility but doesn't degrade.

      To me, taking a spanking when you don't have to is brave. It's sort of the personal equivalent of volunteering to go into battle for the good of the country. You volunteer to suffer this pain because you know it improves you. I doubt I could do it.
      Belle

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    6. al,
      Thanks for the compliments on my comments.

      I don't see accepting a spanking as weak and unmanly at all. I marvel at how he can take what I am giving him. I swing hard with a hard implement and he takes it! To me that is very manly. I really don't think a woman could take that level of pain. I know I couldn't.

      I feel a bit sorry for him until I think about what he said or did that got him in this position. Then I keep swinging, ha ha.

      For the guys afraid to ask their wives to spank them, I say you are being unmanly. Step up, be a man, take your medicine. You know you need to be held accountable, and God knows your wife is well aware that you need to be held accountable. So do the manly thing and give her an accountability tool that works. She most likely will feel relieved and then empowered. If she doesn't accept your offer, I say she's missing out.

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    7. Al: "I would venture that the fear of appearing "weak or unmanly" is probably the single biggest reason that most men who secretly desire to try this lifestyle feel that they cannot risk approaching their wives about it." Agreed!

      Belle: "For the guys afraid to ask their wives to spank them, I say you are being unmanly. Step up, be a man, take your medicine." Damn well put!

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    8. The fear of appearing "weak or unmanly" to a woman you are in love with is an understandable fear and one that must inhibit many men . But thinking back to my misspent youth, there was also the self image problem that persisted well into my 30's.Acknowledging to yourself that you want and need feminine discipline can be a big step for younger males. Maybe its getting a little easier today but for me that self image hurdle was a big one.
      Alan

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    9. I think that the whole fear of being perceived as weak or unmanly is the largest obstacle that many men face in seeking discipline. And I think it ties in very well with this weeks topic, because in a very real sense, when my wife decides to discipline me, for at least a brief time I AM indeed weak and unmanly; even though I could physically overpower her, I am in fact unable to stop her because deep down I know it is what I want and need, and even though I am 54 year old man, I am also at that moment much more a naughty little boy being chastised and she has absolute authority. And then after it ends, I am back to being all manly, and in fact we often make love shortly after or at least later in the night.

      So our roles switch hugely during the whole thing.

      -ZM

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    10. Hi Brett,
      I know that as recently as the end of July, you said that you had never received a spanking as an adult. Yet your recent posts seem to indicate that now your wife spanks you in some DD context, like your phrase "For many of us, the physical punishment is not the only pain we are accepting."

      Have you been able to convince your wife to try DD? If so, I am curious about how that came about and how your thinking about DD has changed in the process, since you have fantasized about it for many years and then of course the actual reality is quite a bit different than the fantasy.

      -ZM

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    11. Hi ZM,
      When I wrote, “for many of us,” I was speaking about the desire we have, regardless of experience. To be more precise, I have never received a real punishment spanking as an adult. Years ago, after having introduced my wife to spanking, which she enjoyed receiving, we discussed ideas similar to DD (at the time I had never heard the term or that it was a thing.) I made my desires known. We tried her spanking me and discovered it did nothing for either of us. She was uncomfortable with the idea of actual punishment, and she was unable to provide the kind of experience that would have been meaningful to me. Even as token punishment, I felt embarrassed about the whole thing. I love her none the less, but she simply is not the disciplinarian I would require - someone with confidence, and through her own determination, wanting to provide discipline. As I’ve stated before, for me my wife needs to be an instigator of DD, or at least an equal enthusiast. If for her it’s not inherent, it’s not going to happen.

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    12. Belle, thank you for taking the time to answer all my questions. Your answers help me understand this thing better, as everyone has their unique situation and feelings about it. Some feelings are not rational. You make good sense by considering it brave, but I will always associate spanking with shame, whether I’m the one asking for it or not. It feels like emasculation to me, and that must be its bizarre appeal — just how I’m wired. In the right circumstances, I believe the humiliation can be a positive.

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  10. Hi All - It seems I can only find time to participate every few weeks before I get pulled away by "those other roles" we live. I hope everyone is well in this twilight time - and hopefully the forthcoming vaccines will restore some normalcy in the coming months. My best wishes to everyone for a Happy Thanksgiving Week with friends and family next week (here in US, at least). We will be leaving town to visit family - admittedly against CDC recommendations - in a town a few hours from our own. It is a foregone understanding that I will be driving on a sore bottom, following the preventative ("remember to be good") paddling that will undoubtedly be administered shortly before we leave - it's essentially a Holiday Tradition in our home.

    On this weeks topic, I fall into that almost stereotypical group of men in the DWC realm who are alpha by nature and yet regularly submit to bare bottom spankings from their wives (a "mid level executive" by occupation). And while these roles obviously can appear contradictory, I see it more as just one of the roles that I have in my life - albeit a more private one, but then we don't normally discuss all of the most intimate details of our sex life with others either. We all wear many hats - spouse, parent, career, (spanked husband) etc...

    --al

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    1. Or - as Alan so nicely phrased in his post above:

      >I really don’t see the roles we play in DD, either as disciplinary wives or disciplined husbands, contradictory as much as they are expressions of the complex many layered personality most of us have<

      Well said - this captures my thoughts as well.

      --al

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  11. This is Liz,
    I agree with most of you that we sort of naturally step into different roles. I am wife, mother, daughter, friend, member of community groups. While I behave differently in these different roles, they are not at all in conflict.

    Where I do agree with Belle is that some individuals have personality traits that permeate all of their roles. These traits can be helpful or not. In Art's case, he tends to frequently display arrogance regardless of the role he is in. That is especially inappropriate in his role of father, and that caused some severe difficulty in our marriage. So the contradiction was not among his roles, but rather between this particular personality trait and some of his roles. The paddle has helped temper his arrogance, which he has reduced dramatically in his role of father, though it has been less successful in his role of employee.

    I also don't think that I would consider "spanked husband" a role on the same level as father, husband, son, employee, etc. Being spanked is one part of Art being a husband, rather than a separate role. Being a spanking wife is one part of me being a wife, not a separate role. At least that is how I see it.

    Is "spanked husband" contradictory with alpha male? Apparently not, according to the many here who adopt both of those roles without feeling conflicted. Maybe it would be contradictory for the stereotypical alpha male, if he even exists.

    As far as Art wanting to change, yes, he really did. He came to realize that he just couldn't act in that arrogant manner towards his children. Domestic discipline was not the cause of him changing, but it certainly has hastened the change and reinforced the change.
    Liz

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    1. "Where I do agree with Belle is that some individuals have personality traits that permeate all of their roles. These traits can be helpful or not. In Art's case, he tends to frequently display arrogance regardless of the role he is in. That is especially inappropriate in his role of father, and that caused some severe difficulty in our marriage." That's a great observation, Liz. And, I at least get why DD has been successful in taming Art's arrogance in one role and not in another. I don't think anyone wants to be a bad dad or do things that damage their kids. The "wanting to change" element is pretty strong in that situation once you realize what you are doing. Work is sometimes harder. Some of the people you engage with are just genuinely assholes who kind of deserve what they get. And, the power dynamics are just more complicated.

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    2. Liz put it very well and I think it ties in with our previous discussion about a “buy in”. “Domestic discipline was not the cause of him changing, but it certainly has hastened the change and reinforced the change” For me over two different DD relationships that buy in is the spark that starts behavior change. It’s comparable to the resolutions some of us make (and often break) going into a new year. That really is where disciplinary spanking to paraphrase Liz hastens the change and reinforces it. The hairbrush, paddle and strap in DD are necessary (I am leaving the cane out in case my wife reads this) but they are not sufficient. That buy in tied to the accountability of spanking is what brings real and lasting behavior change
      Alan

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    3. Hi Liz,
      Great point about the interaction between personality traits and roles, and in particular how certain personality traits are helpful in some roles and at the same time quite unhelpful in other roles.

      Regarding the "spanked husband" role, I agree that it is certainly not a majorly defining role like being a father or husband or something like that. At the same time, during times of discipline, the "spanked husband" would probably appear to a casual observer to have a much different role than that same husband when they are not being spanked!

      And Alan, I agree that buy-in tied to accountability is what brings real change. Though as I mentioned a few weeks ago, sometimes my wife is able to use the strong communication offered by spanking to get through to me and to ultimately cause buy-in. I may or may not agree with her when she decides to spank me, but inevitably my perspective swings around during punishment and by the end, I agree that she was in the right. So buy-in is needed, but she can also help to cause that buy-in, since we always agree on the underlying principles.

      -ZM

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  12. When husband first became boyfriend, my relationship role in general was way different from my role at work. At work I'm in charge of day to day operations of a large hotel in a big east coast city. This means I have to be bossy or at least assertive. I enjoy being both of these.

    In a relationship, I was always mousey. I didn't have a lot of boyfriends and couldn't keep the ones I got. I used to do everything to keep them. When husband was first boyfriend, I was even more mousey because I wanted to do everything I could to keep this fantastic catch. He noticed it right away and kept telling me to speak up if I wanted something or didn't like something. He used to tell me how surprised he was at the difference he saw in me when I was at the hotel and when I was with him.

    I took what he told me and started to speak up. At first, I spoke up and sort of "ducked", expecting hard pushback, but I didn't get it. As I saw he actually listened and tried to at least talk to me about it, I could see he was sincere. He wasn't just going to leave and find someone who was going to do what he wanted all the time.

    There was a lot of trial and error, but, I got to the Disciplinarian role I have today which is more suited to the real me. Before, me being mousey in a relationship conflicted with me in the rest of my life. Now, me being the Disciplinarian is more in harmony with what I am in life.

    We aren't full time FLR/Disciplinary couple. Even when he's under Discipline or in chastity, I'm not the total boss. We live in his house, which he had before we were even dating. We make financial and other decisions as equals, always. In fact, if we have to discuss something like this after I've announced he's under Discipline or I put him in chastity, I even let him skip the protocols while we're discussing it. Life goes on even with spankings.

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    1. "I took what he told me and started to speak up. At first, I spoke up and sort of "ducked", expecting hard pushback, but I didn't get it. As I saw he actually listened and tried to at least talk to me about it, I could see he was sincere. He wasn't just going to leave and find someone who was going to do what he wanted all the time." I think my wife has experienced a lot of this same dynamic, rooted in doubting whether a man could really want this, "this" being getting spanked hard, being bossed and chastised, etc.

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    2. Dan,
      "I think my wife has experienced a lot of this same dynamic, rooted in doubting whether a man could really want this, "this" being getting spanked hard, being bossed and chastised, etc."
      That's where I was with my husband. Although he was disciplined from time to time, I never realized it had grown over the years to the point where he wanted a stronger FLR and wanted me to hold him accountable. I called his discussions on the issue "kink talk" but it ended up being more. It wasn't just talk when he was in a mood. He meant it. Of course, a FLR develops over time and we're still exploring and probing. This is why we have frequent discussions about our relationship and try to step out of our roles. He seems to love me to push the boundaries, and my nature is to push. I don't want to push him into unhappiness however, because he credits me with much of his success and development. He was completely shocked when I lowered the boom on him and told him weekend chores and cooking duties were his "forever" and he said "Yes Dear. Whatever you wish." I think being the youngest in my family has much to do with my tendency to be a little pushy. My older sister and brothers would be shocked to know that I rule our home and my husband is very happy. Fortunately, he separates this from his professional life but he had told me he had benefited from our marriage style in his job. Maybe he's more positive and confident.
      Have a nice weekend.
      CarolH.

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  13. Hi Belle,
    Nice topic suggestion!

    I probably can't add much more than I have already written on other comments, but to recap, I would say that my role - at least while I am being punished - probably seems quite contradictory to my normal role. Also, my wife assumes a much different posture when she is punishing me. She is normally very easy to get along with, but when she decides to spank me, she becomes "all business" and much more firm and strict.

    Like others, I am not sure about whether the roles are contradictory or complimentary. I expect they might actually be a bit of both. When I am being punished I become very compliant and submissive, and I think that is a manifestation of a submissive streak and some insecurity that I have that I normally try to compensate for by being loud, confident, outgoing, and probably at times overbearing. For my wife, I am not sure that her disciplinarian role is really contradictory as much as a more clear demonstration of her very strong character and emotional strength. People often tend to think that my wife is a bit soft and too nice, but if you get to know her, you will realize that she is always strong, but she just manages to be nice even as she stands ever firm and never backs down. When she steps into the role of disciplinarian, she is just showing the same strength she always has, just a little more clearly than usual. And interestingly enough, it has been a little hard for her to turn off some of the niceness that comes so naturally to her.

    As for how secret we keep the roles and who knows about our various roles, I would say we keep them about as secret as possible. As I mentioned last week or the week before, a close mutual friend knows about the accountability (so in a way the FLR part) but does not know about spanking (whether she suspects it or not, who knows)? Other than that, nobody knows as far as I know. My wife laughingly told her sister and friend that she did some spanking role play, but I think that was taken more as sexy role play, and what she was describing to them really was just role-play.

    One thing I just realized as I was typing this is that it is largely the power shift and roles that I wish someone knew about, perhaps even more so than the actual spanking. I just recently had a dream about a spanking being sort of witnessed. I don't remember if someone actually saw the spanking, or whether we went into another room for the spanking and were just talking about it before and afterwards, but either way, in my dream someone definitely knew that I was being spanked. I wish I could jump back into the dream to get all the details!

    Anyway, great extension of last week's topic!

    -ZM

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    1. I have that same experience with spanking dreams. They don't happen very often, but when they do they almost always end prematurely, and I always wish they went on longer and that I could better remember the details.

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  14. In response to my comment earlier about the fear of appearing "weak or unmanly" being the biggest reason that most men feel that they cannot risk approaching their wives about their desire to try the DWC lifestyle -

    Belle Responded -

    >For the guys afraid to ask their wives to spank them, I say you are being unmanly. Step up, be a man, take your medicine. You know you need to be held accountable, and God knows your wife is well aware that you need to be held accountable. So do the manly thing and give her an accountability tool that works. She most likely will feel relieved and then empowered. If she doesn't accept your offer, I say she's missing out.<

    To which, Dan added - "Damn well put!"

    -------------------

    Damn well put indeed - Wow! - and a challenge from one of our resident disciplinary wives to all the men lurking here who really want to experience being a disciplined husband - Man up and ask for it! --al

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  15. This is Liz,
    I want to speak to the husband's fear that he will seem "weak or unmanly" if he approaches his wife about spanking, and that fear is what holds many men back from asking for a DD relationship.

    ZM commented that it's not just a fear. he believes that while being spanked he actually *is* weak and unmanly. I know that for some husbands here, being treated like a "naughty little boy" is part of the dynamic, and by definition a boy is not manly.

    But I believe it doesn't have to be that way, and Art and I are an example. When I paddle Art, I don't see him as a little boy or as unmanly. I see him as a grown man receiving corporal punishment. The world has a long history of corporal punishment of adults, though obviously it has lessened in recent centuries, particularly in our country. But it is a time-honored way to deal with adult misbehavior.

    Art and I do not buy into the naughty little boy dynamic. Maybe that is important to some of you, but it is not to us. Nor does it have to be for the men who are fearing approaching your wives. You can be a naughty adult man who needs outside consequences for your misbehavior. And you can approach your wife that way. I did not think Art was unmanly when he suggested that I help him curb his arrogance by paddling him. He presented it to me as one adult helping another adult with a consequence that he believed might be effective.

    He also didn't want the punishment confused with obvious sexual components, and for that reason he asked to be paddled fully clothed. This also could be important for a husband presenting corporal punishment to his wife. If she thinks he is just doing it for a sexual kick, she may be more likely to say no.

    Even if you fearful men like the idea of being treated like a naughty little boy, or find the idea of being spanked sexy, you don't have to present it to your wife that way nor do you have to engage in the behavior in those ways. You can present it as adult-adult and nonsexual. I have several girlfriends who fine their husbands for swearing. Here in the Midwest it is fairly common for there to be a "swear jar" sitting on a kitchen counter. It might be explained as being for anyone who says certain words, but in practical application it is mostly husbands who are fined, and it is mostly wives who do the fining. When he pays a fine, it isn't considered childish or sexy. Corporal punishment is not that different a consequence, at least for some of us wives.

    So I agree with Belle. If you have been afraid to ask your wife but you know this is something you really need, then present it to her in the way that she is most likely to accept. Maybe those other components, if you feel a need for them (which we do not), can be introduced later.
    Liz

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  16. Hi Liz,
    Excellent, insightful comment as always.

    I think you made an important distinction, that while DD can be very maternal with the "spanked little boy" dynamic, it doesn't have to be.

    "The world has a long history of corporal punishment of adults, though obviously it has lessened in recent centuries, particularly in our country. But it is a time-honored way to deal with adult misbehavior." Totally true. And I actually like the thought of that dynamic, though of course in our day and age adult corporal punishment is quite frowned upon, particularly in the western world.

    Good point about the "swear jar." I am pretty sure I have heard that over the years. It is interesting how we view some punishments as being childish and others as not, and some as being sexy and other punishments as not, particularly since her being able to punish in any way implies an underlying authority.

    Now, where you and I differ is in the trying to keep spanking non-sexual. Because of the way I am wired, that is simply impossible. Even the mention of the word spanking raises my blood pressure about 20 points and makes it difficult for me to even breathe normally or speak in a normal voice. So she could spank me with me being fully clothed and her dressed in unattractive, non-stylish clothes that covered her whole body, and I would still find it sexy! Yet strangely, even though I find the whole thing incredibly sexy, I still don't want spanking at the time, and it still turns out to be the most effective way of punishing me. For me, as I have said many times before, the sexual element of it enhances the effectiveness of it, but I know that others are wired differently. What is important is that each couple finds what works for them.

    "If you have been afraid to ask your wife but you know this is something you really need, then present it to her in the way that she is most likely to accept. Maybe those other components, if you feel a need for them (which we do not), can be introduced later." Again, I couldn't agree more with you. In fact, when I presented this whole concept to my wife (girlfriend at the time, since I told after we had only been dating a month or so), I tried to keep it as non-maternal as possible. I would strongly recommend those thinking of telling their wives to keep it as non-maternal as possible as well, in order to maximize the chances of her being receptive to it.

    Only after I saw that SHE saw it as being more maternal and she clearly moved it that direction did I start to talk about that aspect. For us, she seemed to naturally gravitate towards making it more maternal, and for me the extra humbling of her treating me like a naughty little boy (but only during punishment of course) seems to enhance the effectiveness for us, but I can certainly see where others would want it to be less maternal and that is great too!

    -ZM

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  17. Through my years of reading about DD, I’ve found that sexual motivation and fulfillment is a common element driving the practice. In most cases of this nature, there’s a strong attraction to authentic discipline, so contradictory purposes must coexist, and that works in various ways for different people. It fits me. Discipline is sexual, but the turn-on is that the discipline is real. What I see that also fits my desire is that spanking should be a humbling punishment. Humiliation is a required element and, for a male, it is to some degree emasculation. Spanking is demonstrably a child’s punishment, and it is chosen for that reason. Adult corporal punishment has been historically a feature of judicial proceedings, and is typically a form of torture that bears little resemblance to the kind of domestic spanking I relate to. So there is no getting around the idea for me that domestic spanking is the fate of, and comeuppance for, a “naughty” or “bad” “little boy.” What really matters is what my wife thinks about it. If she is into what I am into, then her understanding is the acceptance I need. If she is like millions of women in real life, that understanding does not exist, it is a turn off for her, and a DD relationship is not possible.

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    1. Brett, I think you are quite similar to my husband insofar as humiliation is a big part of his spanking kink, and the humiliation he craves can be described as emasculating. Being scolded and spanked like “a naughty boy” is emasculating because it is infantilizing. I do that. Sometimes, for my husband the emasculation also involves gender role reversal, i.e. being treated like a 1950’s housewife by a wife who “wears the pants.” I sometimes push that button too. There are even stronger emasculation buttons I occasionally push in the bedroom, to spice things up.

      I think you are a good man, Brett. You know what you desire from DD, but you are willing to forego that out of love for your wife. I think it is important for men to be honest with their wives when their request for DD is motivated by a sexual craving. I think a wife needs to understand what her husband is really asking for. Maybe she can give him what he wants, or maybe her desires are incompatible with his. But unless a husband is honest about what he is really asking for, how can a wife make informed choices for either of them?

      Danielle

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    2. Hi Danielle, I too am wired to want/need pretty strong humiliation. In fact, I think that the spanking is largely just a means to achieving that end, so the real punishment is the humiliating feelings it causes, or at least as much as the sore bottom.

      -ZM

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    3. Thank you, Danielle. I think you are right about the honesty. Aside from the obvious - honesty in general is the key to a good relationship - the success of DD especially relies on it. The first requirement is to be honest with myself. What is it that I really want and why? Spanking as punishment was a very difficult and confusing thing for me since childhood, with many conflicting forces pulling me in opposing directions. It took many years to sort it out - not that I have all the answers even today. Bottom line, though, what I want is a totally honest DD relationship. No games. No ambiguities. Within that genuine framework, we can achieve a deeper intimacy. Not to sound too corny, but the truth shall set us free.

      Once we get our needs, fantasies and desires all out in the open, then the next vital step is understanding. If I don’t understand myself, I can’t explain the DD I want to my wife. Can she understand? Does she want to? Your husband is very lucky. Part of that luck may be to his credit — he has been able to convince you of his needs, and then allow you the time to discover your positive connections to FLR and what makes sense to you. You embrace the emasculation which, to the best of my knowledge, is the most unappealing aspect for the majority of women of my generation and before. I think what many of us here have in common is that our marriages were not the result of DD/FLR, but rather the love for our spouses. So sacrifice is not too big a burden, and priorities are never in doubt.

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  18. Danielle here:

    I've been reading people's responses to Belle's posts and thinking that, as a (shall I say) "mature" disciplinary wife, I should have some words of wisdom to offer. But every time I start to write something, my thoughts become turbulent and confused. I see aspects of myself in the other women here, and I see aspects of my husband in the men. But every time I start to think we are like other couples here, some kinky idiosyncrasy of his or mine makes me think our situation is too unique to be relevant to anyone else.

    When I found out Wayne had gone to a professional disciplinarian to get the kind of harsh "discipline" I had failed to provide, I was upset and disoriented. I had to put our FLR on hold to think things through. I believe he was truly remorseful, and he was respectful of my need for time and space. He has, I believe, also tried hard to answer my questions about why he did what he did. Consequently, I have forgiven him. We are both too old, with lives too deeply intertwined, not to be forgiving.

    We have restarted our FLR, but with some changes. I have recently adopted a more severe spanking protocol that is to some extent an imitation of Wayne's session with the professional disciplinarian, as Wayne has recounted it to me. He said he wanted to experience the kind of discipline that would make him fear me, that he finds it sexy for a wife to make a husband fear her wrath. Well, I think I have achieved that. I have made him cry. Twice. But I have no illusion that for my husband this discipline, even when he cries, is separable from kinky sex. I guess I have always known that, but I see it more clearly now. Or maybe I have simply acknowledged and accepted that for us DD is inescapably an elaborate form of S&M. That's why I feel we may be too unlike others for our experiences to be relevant to people here for whom DD is just DD.

    Last week I spanked Wayne harshly in front of my best friend Barb. (Being more "out" about FLR is one of the changes I am making). I discussed my plans with Barb ahead of time, so she understood that being spanked and humiliated in front of her would be an erotic event for Wayne, all the more so because Wayne has always found her attractive and has admitted to fantasizing about such an event. She had to understand that in order to consent to being a participant in an aspect of our sex life. Not only did she agree to participate, she was excited to be involved in something so "naughty".

    In his typical masochistic fashion, Wayne both did and didn't want me to go through with it. I know he simultaneously feared and craved the embarrassment. He kept asking whether I really intended to bare him in front of Barb. I told him that would be up to Barb. Had Barb felt at all uncomfortable about seeing Wayne exposed, I was prepared to leave Wayne's underwear on for the spanking. When the moment of truth arrived, Barb decreed that Wayne should be bared so she could see a proper spanking. So that's what I did.

    Sometimes when you open a new door, you discover new things about yourself. I have always considered that spanking was Wayne's kink, not mine. But spanking him in front of Barb felt erotic to me in a way that private spankings never have. Maybe that's MY kink. After I sent Wayne to his room "for some quiet time while the adults talk," Barb and I talked over what we had just done, and she confessed to being turned on too. I won't go into detail about this, but I would say there is now an erotic vibe encompassing all three of us.

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    1. Wow! I simply cannot imagine what was going through each of your minds before, during, and after this. I expect that probably if it happened in real life (being spanked in front of someone else), it would probably be a bigger deal before and after because during the pain is quite all consuming. Either way, I have no idea what it would be like having never experienced anything like that. What did Wayne have to say about it? Did his feelings about it change after it actually happened, or did he feel basically how he expected he would feel?

      And that is very interesting that it turned you on more than private spankings ever have. I expect that it was probably a pretty strong feeling of power.

      Either way, I would love to hear as much as you are willing to share!

      -ZM

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    2. Hi Danielle. I think what those of us participating in Dan’s blog have in common outweighs the differences. FWIW, I offer you the encouragement that what you are discovering is the reality of kinky DD. You are not alone. I know many online who practice discipline that is genuine, while at the same time enjoy erotic scenes you describe as either a fantasy they have or real-life scening they’ve experienced. What you, Wayne, and Barb are sharing is way into the weeds of fantasy for me, but it still resonates strongly with my kinks.

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    3. Danielle here:

      Part 1

      ZM, there was a long lead-up to last week's event. I told Barb about FLR and DD last year. In return, she confided in me about secrets of her sex life. I think it was a relief to both of us to be able to talk our "deep dark secrets".

      I told Wayne that I had told Barb I spank him. At about the same time I also told Wayne's sister Liz. (I only told his sister about DD, not all the other kinky stuff I revealed to Barb). Wayne was embarrassed that Barb and Liz knew I spanked him, but it turned him on too. That's when I first floated the idea of spanking him in front of Barb or Liz if either of them would be a willing witness. He absolutely didn't want his sister to witness a spanking. He wasn't sure he wanted Barb to either, but he didn't give a clear no, and I could see that discussion of it turned him on. I told him it was something I wanted to do and suggested that it should be up to me. He agreed our FLR gave me the power to decide.

      I didn't rush things though. I was finally ready to proceed last spring. Then the pandemic hit, so I put the plan on hold. I was ready to proceed again in the summer, but plans were then upset by the revelation that Wayne had cheated on me by going to a professional spanker. As a consequence, I put our FLR on hold until recently. When I finally agreed to restart our FLR, I informed Wayne that spanking him in front of Barb was back on the agenda. He didn't argue about it, though he was clearly nervous. I talked to Barb about it again, and she was enthusiastic about the idea.

      We did it last week because I wanted to do it before the mounting second wave of the pandemic would isolate us again. We were careful to maintain masking and physical distancing protocols while Barb was in our home. Wayne wore a mask for the entirety of the event because I figured his vocalizations and heavy breathing during the punishments could spread droplets. Having Wayne masked gave a surreal touch. He was probably grateful to have his facial expressions partially hidden by the mask, but Barb and I agreed afterwards that it was fascinating, and kind of sexy, to see how expressive his eyes were.

      As I explained to Barb ahead of time, my motivation was partly disciplinary and partly sexual. The formal reason for the punishment was his having cheated on me by seeing a professional disciplinarian. Perhaps the most humiliating part for Wayne was that I made him explain to Barb why he was about to be spanked. I had in fact already explained everything to Barb, but he didn’t know that. For her part, Barb did a great job of asking him detailed questions that made him squirm with shame. She had the demeanor of a stern judge when she told him he deserved to be spanked hard and to have his bottom bared for it.

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    4. Part 2 from Danielle:

      The way I punished him was calculated to be both painful and shaming. I spanked him first over my knee. I felt that was the most shaming way to spank a grown man in front of a woman he finds attractive. It satisfied my sense of justice to spank him until I had stripped away his pretense of manly, stoic dignity. I then had him serve us coffee with his bottom still bared, but wearing a pretty skirt style apron to "preserve his modesty." Knowing more about his kinks than Wayne realized, Barb was able to join me in teasing him in ways that pushed his buttons, even shaming him for his apparent arousal. After coffee I made him lean on the fireplace mantle for a dose of the strap. Since he has said he wants me to spank him in a way to inspire fear, I now end every spanking session with the strap, which he hates. Before strapping him, I invited Barb to paddle him if she felt like it, so she donned her mask and gave him a brief paddling. Then I strapped him until he cried. I made him thank Barb for assisting with his punishment before sending him to bed like a naughty child so Barb and I could talk.

      Was that a real punishment or a BDSM scene? Is it even possible to truly punish a man with my husband's masochistic kinks? As I told Barb, I didn't really care. Beyond any disciplinary value of the pain and humiliation we dished out, I wanted to give him "a scene" that would top anything a professional could give him. I think we succeeded. Barb confessed to being aroused by the "naughtiness" of what we had just done. She said she felt like she had just taken part in a threesome. I told her that for Wayne it was probably more erotic than a conventional threesome. As Barb left the house, she joked that she had a date with her vibrator. When I went to the bedroom, I found Wayne in a state of sexual arousal, which I put to good use.

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    5. Hi Danielle,

      Thank you for sharing the recent developments in your story.

      "He said he wanted to experience the kind of discipline that would make him fear me, that he finds it sexy for a wife to make a husband fear her wrath. Well, I think I have achieved that. I have made him cry. Twice."

      I knew you could do it!

      "But I have no illusion that for my husband this discipline, even when he cries, is separable from kinky sex. I guess I have always known that, but I see it more clearly now. Or maybe I have simply acknowledged and accepted that for us DD is inescapably an elaborate form of S&M. That's why I feel we may be too unlike others for our experiences to be relevant to people here for whom DD is just DD."

      I don't know about that. Certainly there's a lot of overlap with kinky sex, and the experience with Barb sounds a lot like a BDSM scene. But that doesn't make you an anomaly among the people practicing domestic discipline. A more reasonable assumption is that many of them, maybe the majority have eroticized the idea of having a partner with the agency to punish and probably the punishment itself. You probably do have a good bit to say that is relevant to others, and I hope you continue to contribute.

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    6. Hi Danielle,
      Thank you so much for sharing, and with plenty of detail. I now have a pretty clear mental picture of exactly how it went down. I am always pleased when you post, because for me, your approach to DD and FLR is very easy to relate to, including even (or especially) the focus on humiliation.

      And I fully agree with Jake that for almost all of us here, there is a rather large sexual element to spanking, even if it is for real disciplinary purposes. I think this is implied even in Dan's questions for this week (that he just posted yesterday), that if the need for DD truly went away, would you still continue with some other kinky activities, and would the ladies miss dishing out discipline.

      And I loved Jake's comment "A more reasonable assumption is that many of them, maybe the majority have eroticized the idea of having a partner with the agency to punish and probably the punishment itself." I know this clearly and succinctly describes me at least.

      -ZM

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  19. This has turned into quite the interesting and diverse discussion on what was originally thought to be an off week. I have found a couple of points of particular interest - (Dan,) ones that might even be potential future topics.

    First, I believe it was Brett who asked Belle - "Does he fear the spankings?" Great question - to what extent to we all (the husbands) fear the spankings?

    Seconds, there was a good discussion on "naughty little boy spanking" dynamic vs "strictly adult spanking adult" dynamic. This obviously will vary a lot by couple - but should make for a good in depth discussion.

    I have some thoughts on both topics, but will have to save them for later as I am short on time today. --al

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  20. Need to state at the beginning that I do not consider, and don't think most DD practisioners would either, that I am in a DD relationship. And yet I am the domestic with cleaning, am the nurturing one, am the soppy one. Mrs GLM is the DIY person, the one who drives, the garderner, is a matter of fact sort of person and just hates soppy. How we got together is a mystery LOL. Cheers Good Life Mickey

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