The Club - Meeting 291 - Others

“A man who can't bear to share his habits is a man who needs to quit them.” ― Stephen King, The Dark Tower

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, Domestic Discipline relationships.  I hope you had a good week.  We had a difficult one as a family.  I thought about skipping this week’s post, but I kind of needed the distraction.  Though, I also don’t have a lot of ambition or focus this weekend, so I’m going to simply play off of some of last week’s comments, using them to hearken back to a topic we did about a year ago.  But, we have added some participants since then . . .

Frank and I had a series of exchanges last week that began with observations on the eroticism of some spanking drawings involving Disciplinary Wives talking on telephones before or during a spanking. 

This seems to be a popular theme with spanking artists, though this is the only drawing I have found that involves the party who is going to be spanked, or just has been, doing the talking:

Then we talked a bit about others knowing about our Domestic Discipline relationship, but with the wrinkle that Frank knows his sister-in-law is the spanked party in some sort of spanking-oriented relationship, though not any of the details. While he doesn't know the details, his brother-in-law seems to be fairly open in displaying his authority and, perhaps, letting others know how he uses it?

 So, let's extend the discussion Frank and I had into this week's topic. As noted, it is one we have talked about before and, while some of our commenters have talked about this several times, others haven’t and the situation may have changed for even those who had commented about this on other posts.The topic is telling others about our Domestic Discipline or FLR relationships, and also what we know about others.  When we addressed this last time, it seemed like most of us (with a few exceptions, notably KD) are very skittish about letting others know either that we are spanked or that it is for disciplinary purposes, or both.  And, I do think those two—spanking and discipline—are separable with respect to what makes us reluctant to let others into our weird little worlds. The phenomenon of so many seemingly vanilla women openly reading the 50 Shades books would seem to indicate that the spanking kink side of DD is relatively well accepted, along with some light bondage.  I’m not sure the same is true about the reluctance to have others know that we are disciplined. 

As Frank and I discussed, there is something “edgy” about others knowing that I am a disciplined husband, even when I have chosen to tell them about it myself.  And, twice now (sort of three times), I have made that decision.  The first time, I chose to tell a female friend and work colleague who also is friends with Anne.  I don’t know exactly why I told her.  We were (and still are) close friends, and it was early in our Domestic Discipline and I think I felt some compulsion to share it with someone.  Maybe it was akin to the impulse that led me to blogging. The second time, I was approached by a female blogger who was the leader in an FLR relationship.  We talked anonymously for a long time before gaining sufficient trust to drop that anonymity.  In the ensuing couple of years, that relationship has gone in some unexpected directions, becoming intertwined with my professional life in some interesting and entertaining ways. Finally, there is one other person associated with this blog who now basically knows who I am or can figure it out pretty easily.

Now, even though I made the choice to open up with all three of these people and one of them was a close friend before I blabbed about our relationship to her, when I talk to the two with whom I have had live conversations, there definitely is some nervous energy that comes with them knowing about that side of me.  I don’t know whether “embarrassed” is the right word, but I am at least very aware when talking to them that they know that my wife is my boss and that she spanks my ass when she is unhappy with me.   

And, the fact that one of them does the same to her husband does not really change the “edginess” that comes with our shared secret.  Though, it’s not a bad sort of edginess, and I do still feel some odd desire to let even more people know about this aspect of myself.  Anne and I have been talking a lot lately about her being more openly dominant, and while I’m sure that if she starts doing that it will be embarrassing, I also think it will make me respect her and her power even more.

Though, work probably does remain the exception.  I work in a very conservative, traditional, and competitive profession.  I do think that in my particular field, there would be blowback if my status as a disciplined husband were widely known.  The thought of extended family knowing also causes me some angst. But, I'm still not sure why it is the combination of spanking plus the FLR aspect of our relationship that adds a special level of such angst.  And, I am less concerned about family knowing that I used to be, perhaps to some extent by learning of concrete examples, like a story KD has told about letting his mother know about this side of his relationship with Rosa.  http://mattmansfigures.homestead.com/momssupport.html

I will leave this topic fairly open-ended, but some things we could talk about include:

·      Who, if anyone, knows about your DD relationship, and how did they find out?

·      How did your relationship with, or feelings about, those to whom you have confided or who learned about your DD relationship change, if at all, after they found out?

·      Do you know about anyone else’s DD or FLR relationship?  How did you come to know about it?

·      Is there anyone you would like to tell about your DD relationship but have not?  What keeps you from telling them?

·      Do you think your spouse has or might tell someone about your relationship?  How would you feel about that?

·      For the Disciplinary Wives, if someone does know that you discipline your husband, how do they feel about that?  How does their knowledge make you feel?  Would you like to be more open about your own disciplinary status, i.e. that you “wear the pants” in the relationship and have the authority to punish your husband? 

I hope you all have a great week.

The Club - Meetting 290 - Spanking in Anger and a Reprise on Asking For It

“Anybody can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not within everybody's power and is not easy.” – Aristotle

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, Domestic Discipline relationships.  I hope you had a good week.

I am sorry for the later than usual posting, but it was one of those mornings.  Really, kind of one of those weeks. For once, I didn’t have much travel this week, though I had plenty of workplace activities.  It was another week in which I was productive, but to the point of not taking care of myself.  But, one of our kids is going to be around all weekend, and I have more work travel coming up next week.  So, I probably will not get punished; at least not in the next week. But, that is, to a big extent, my own fault.  We actually had some time alone at home on Thursday.  I was feeling a need for some enforced accountability, and I had planned to ask her to carry it out that night, reminding her that we likely would not have another opportunity.  I went up to our room a couple of times, while she was catching up on some paperwork for her job.  Since she was busy, I didn’t want to interrupt.  Or, that is what I told myself.  The plain fact is, it was really that conundrum of needing a hard spanking but not wanting it once the reality was staring me in the face.

Coincidentally, over the weekend I read a series of spanking stories entitled The Sinclair Method, https://voiceinthecorner.com/2014/03/07/the-sinclair-method/, after reading about it on The Venus & Cupid blog.  In one installment, one of the young women who are being trained to be more disciplined receives repeated spankings, all because she repeatedly fails to present herself and ask for it after she has been sentenced to one.  While this was a F/f series of spanking stories, there were themes that resonated with me, including learning to submit to someone else’s orders and authority, surrender, and the humbling of being required to be an active participant in your own spanking, including being forced to present yourself for it when you are ready.  The fact that “asking for it” resonated with me is a little paradoxical, and we’ve had exchanges here in which many of us have talked about how we want forced boundaries or consequences, and it is hard for it to feel forced when you are driving the process.  Yet, I think there is a relevant distinction here.  In the stories, the governess or trainer had already ordered the spanking, and also ordered the recipient to present herself, brush in hand that evening.  So, the disciplinarian remained very much in control, and part of exercising that control was forcing the recipient to spend some time anticipating the spanking to come and then screw up the courage to come upstairs, present herself for the spanking and ask for it humbly and contritely.  A few months ago, I did something kind of like that.  I had done something that didn’t really violate any rule, but that made me feel like I deserved to be punished for not stepping up on something I wanted to do.  I came to her, with paddle in hand, and asked her to spank me.  She did so, but only after telling me that she was working on something and that I should sit on the ottoman at the foot of the bed, back to her as she worked, until she was ready.  It was very humbling, and that spanking remains in my thoughts many weeks later. 

The bottom line is, I think I need to ask her to implement something like the stories, such that after she has ordered a spanking or I have reported on behavior that deserves one, I have to present myself when I am ready and ask her for one.  She can then decide whether to do it at that time, or keep me waiting longer. 

While everyone should feel free to talk about the above, it’s not the primary topic this week.  Instead, I want to extend the discussion about the wives’ demeanor during a spanking, from a particular angle.  Elizabeth and Frank talked about how she lectures and disciplines with a smile on her face, and it clearly works for them.  At the under end of the spectrum, I prefer it when my wife is all business and very strict verbally and in terms of her “no nonsense” demeanor.  ZM was somewhere in the middle, liking his wife’s nice, sweet side when discipline was not in play but wanting her to be more strict and tough in the DD context.

Right now, when my wife lectures before a spanking, it tends to be a bit like this:

 But, I feel I need it be more like this:

Why? Because the second has a better chance of humbling me and making me really surrender emotionally to what is about to happen. And, personally, I like it when my wife displays emotion before or during a spanking.  I think it is part of her learning to express her emotions and gain the confidence to say what she means.  I want her to know that it is OK to hurt not just my bottom but my feelings, because it may be that the reason I am bent over getting by bottom strapped or paddled is because I hurt hers.  Also, my ego is pretty strong, and I need more than just a cold, clinical application of the paddle to break down my defenses and really accept accountability. It also helps me to accept her authority if she is expressing herself like she really is in charge. I talked last week about how we are making some progress in her exercising more daily control, tightening the boundaries and keeping me in line.  I think the more she expresses her anger, the more those lines and boundaries are going to be authentic and real and, yes, maybe a bit non-consensual.

There is also this, which I think reflects an approach that is stern, if not particularly expressive:

 

Or this, in which the maternal figure seems to be letting him have it verbally in a way that is bringing about some real contrition.  As a metaphor for bringing out the contrite boy who knows he deserves what he is about to get, I like this one.

A few weeks ago, Tomy referenced times when Aunt Kay would spank in anger, and how those definitely created a very distinct impression, saying "She was very practical and a real mother bear. So discipline was simply "done when required." The times I got it when she was really angry were - extremely memorable."  I hope he will take this opportunity to tell us more about those times.  

How about you? Do you want your wife to express whatever anger she feels at your behavior?  Disciplinary Wives, does DD help you express your anger or disappointment more openly, or do you feel like that is something you need to control or suppress?

The Club - Meeting 289 - Verbal Strictness

"Know what? Bitches get stuff done.” – Tina Fey

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, Domestic Discipline relationships.  I hope you had a good week.

Mine was nutty and harried and hard from start to finish.  I actually thought that things might wind down a bit as I got to Friday. Nope.  Things went from bad to worse thanks to an unexpected personnel issue that will now make my professional life even harder than it already was.  That was the state I was in when I got back home last night after a flight.  Burned out, frustrated, tired.  We went out to dinner and ran into another couple we know well, which was great though it led to some excessive drinking on my part.  My mind and body were still running on overdrive when we got home, and I was pretty tempted to spend some time either watching a movie or surfing the Net, or both.  But, Anne was having none of it.  She ordered me to turn off the computer and get ready for bed.  I was very resentful at the time, because that is how I react to being ordered around. But, it undoubtedly saved me from feeling even more tired and draggy this morning.

That all leads me into this week’s topic, which came to me after last night’s events and after catching up on some of the comments from last week.  You all carried on a great conversation without me, and I particularly liked the exploration of the relationship between self-discipline and discipline that is imposed externally, whether by a strong Disciplinary Wife or by a military drill sergeant.  I can understand Elizabeth’s concern about whether external discipline might actually become a crutch that inhibits the formation of self-discipline, but I think Alan really hits the nail on the head in observing that is it not a single spanking or sporadic discipline that helps those of us who lack internal regulators.  Instead, it is something that builds up over time, with consistency being the key.  

I also do think that if the goal is to modify certain behaviors, then it may not really matter whether the discipline comes from within or from without, as long as it gets the job done.  The military model is also interesting in that the drill sergeant has a lot of limits placed on him in terms of physical punishment.  The days of being literally whipped into shape are a thing of the past in today’s army and navy.  So, a lot of the discipline comes through strong verbal guidance and direction.  The military’s leaders express their dominance through strict discipline conveyed through strongly-worded verbal commands that convey their authority in such a strict and intimidating way that resistance is rare.  Another aspect of military training that dovetails with some of the things ZM and I were talking about regarding performing under challenging circumstances that in many cases those being trained are not, in fact, undisciplined.  Think of the SEALs.  Most of them are experienced operators before they undertake SEAL training, yet most of them scrub out of that program.  It just requires a completely different level of performance.  In those circumstances, the role of the trainers is to help those who can bust through their own self-limiting beliefs, pushing through those plateaus to reach a whole new level of performance they didn't even know they had in them.

I was thinking about all that in relation to Anne’s direction last night.  She was firm and resolute and made it clear that she was not backing down just because I was resistant and wanted to stay up later.  I have talked a lot about my need for externally imposed boundaries. Each of those three words are important.  If I had the ability to impose boundaries on myself, I would.  Since I don’t on a regular basis, I need the application of some external force to move me back onto the path.  And, because I am relative headstrong, the force has to be imposed.  If I ask for it or direct the process, then it isn’t really being imposed on me.  And, the boundary actually needs to be real.  It can’t be something that she adjusts every time I test it.  It needs to be me who yields, not her or the boundary she set.

What we are really talking about is strictness.  Setting a rule and making it stick.  Setting a standard and invoking real consequences if it isn’t met.  I didn’t have much of that growing up, which I suspect is why I crave it now.  And, I increasingly think it is that verbal strictness that I really want deep down inside.  I’ve run polls on the blog a couple of times regarding whether disciplined men want “more” or “less” of certain things in the relationship.  More or fewer spankings? Harder spankings, or less so? More rules or fewer?  There was a strong tilt toward more on every factor.  But, there was only one where 100% of respondents said they wanted more – verbal strictness.  Every single man who answered the poll (76 of them) said he wanted his wife to be more verbally strict.

Do I want that?  Much like being spanked, it is very dependent on timing.  I certainly don’t like or want it when it is happening.  Like last night.  Did I like her making me go to bed on time, like a teenager with a curfew?  Absolutely not.  I resented the hell out of it.  Not really because I resented her control in and of itself, but because I really wanted to stay up and decompress more from the bad week, and she was saying I was not going to be allowed to do that.  She set the boundary, and it was a real one as evidenced by the fact that as soon as I bumped up against it I resisted and resisted and hated that I had to stay within the bounds.  But, this morning I recognize it was, in fact, for my own good, and I appreciate her for being strict and unyielding with me last night.

For the men, do you want your wife to be more verbally strict?  Do you respond to the drill sergeant approach?  For the women, is being very commanding verbally something you are comfortable with?  I think this, more than any other aspect of DD, is where the deeply entrenched female concerns about “bitchiness” come into play.  I dug up a couple of comments on this from some old posts.  First, a perspective from one of the husbands:

“I did perceive my wife as bitchy, BEFORE we agreed on a DD program to correct things that I did that angered her. Truthfully, I agreed she had good cause for concluding I was a pain in the ass on some occasions. We listed those things and I gave her enforcement powers to paddle me as she felt I deserved when one of our agreements was violated. It didn't take long for her to really buy into enforcing that agreement. Nor did it take me long to eliminate troubling behaviors because the paddlings I got were painful enough to be avoided. But most importantly I know the rules, my wife is not bitchy (she is proactive at solving issues that were causing problems in our marriage) and I appreciate that because it solves the issue quickly. I would much rather have my wife paddle my behind good and hard than to listen to her bitching or giving me the silent treatment.”

Now a couple from the wives.  This one from Holly:

“I think we are all "bitches" to our husbands when the rubber hits the road (so to speak.) I reconciled myself to this long ago. The amusing thing is that growing up I thought my mother was a bitch for spanking too often and too severely. Now I find although I probably do not spank as often as she did, I certainly spank harder. If a wife wants results, she does need to be a “bitch” sometimes.  As Tina Fey said: " Bitches get stuff done.” I am not saying that being a bitch is necessary to be a good disciplinarian. But, sometimes being a bitch is just what is needed and don't be intimidated by the fact that someone (like your husband) might think you are a bitch once in a while.”

And, this one from my good friend Rhiannon, whose blog I have a link to:

“It must be difficult in many ways to be a submissive male, but it is also difficult to be a Mistress or a Female leader.  Retraining my mind so I don’t feel like I am just adding more to his plate or being a bitch is hard.  It is also hard to make the choices. To really think about being in charge, the impact my actions have on my husband and to strive with everything to make the best decisions I can.  But, it also is hard not to make the choices, and things go more smoothly for both of us the longer I stay in this new role.  And, in the end, it is so worth it.”

Let us know your thoughts on all this.  I hope you have a great week.

The Club - Vol. 288 - Changes

“A punishment to some, to some a gift, and to many a favor.” - Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, Domestic Discipline relationships.  I hope you had a good week. 

Mine remained crazy, though there were a few, incremental signs of settling in and adjusting my behavior in a slightly better direction. I did better on keeping up with the annoying administrative task I referenced last week.  I didn’t manage to complet it every day but I did get it done most days, which is a big improvement over prior weeks. I did have one major fail for the week, when a work-related social engagement took an unexpected turn.  It was something I didn’t cause or really even want, and one could argue it kind of had to be done.  But, that’s the way it goes sometimes with rules. Events spiral beyond your control. Best intentions, and all that. 

But, our current system is supposed to hold me accountable even when things spiral out of control, because the more rigorous accountability makes such spirals less likely in the future.  Or, at the very least it keeps some boundaries in place even if I have a tendency to drive outside them from time to time.  In that vein, one indication that things are settling in, though, is that earlier I felt like I was just so overwhelmed that punishment would not accomplish anything, but now I feel like rigorous discipline is necessary if I am to succeed.  ZM referenced this in one of his comments.  Here is an abbreviated version:

“Since the beginning of this year, I have been crazy busy and I keep hoping that she will not punish me for falling short of expectations, because it just seems so incredibly unfair to not consider how hard I am working and how impossible the circumstances are! However, as I read what you wrote, I realized that it is exactly at times like this that I most NEED discipline; the only possible way of climbing out of this situation is by executing perfectly day in and day out, which my general lack of self discipline guarantees won’t happen (at least on my own) or I wouldn’t probably be in this place! In other words, when she sees that I am struggling under a heavy load, her first instinct might be to be merciful to me and cut me a break, but by doing so she would be doing me a disservice. Instead, when she sees that I have an impossible load, that is the time that she might need to break out her paddles and canes regularly to keep me super motivated and on task. If she does this, she might just help me to overcome so I finally get some true rest and relaxation. . . And in fact, as I look back at the past few months (and for that matter the year before that), I can see that we would be in a much, much better place if she would keep cracking the whip, whether I want it or not.”

As I've alluded to, my wife has become a regular reader of the blog, and I suspect that she’s been following the comments on this issue and my evolving readiness to get on track with her help.  When I got to work Friday morning, I received a text from her saying, "You are grounded and will not be drinking alcohol this weekend." 

She also said I was in trouble for failing to do something yesterday, though she is factually wrong on that one.  But, when I pointed out she was wrong, she responded with a text saying, "Don't sass me."  No smiley face included.   

That is the kind of control—strict and with a decidedly maternal vibe—that I know I need right now.

On to this week’s topic.  Elizabeth better keep participating, because right now she is my primary source of inspiration. She suggested a topic focused on how spanking has changed the relationship with the spanking partner and “similarly, how has spanking changed your life outside of your relationship with your spanking partner? And are there ways you expected your life to change that have not transpired?”  Let’s focus on that latter part, since we have done the changes in the primary relationships many times.  So, how has spanking, and non-spanking discipline, changed your life outside the relationship with your spanking partner? What changes did you think would happen that have not?

A few of my own thoughts on things that have changed:

·      Productivity at work:  I’ve talked about this a lot lately, so I won’t go into much detail here.  While it is always a work in progress and there is plenty of room for improvement, I do feel like discipline has kept me from going off the rails many times and has kept me more focused than I might otherwise have been.

·      Workplace leadership: Being subject to discipline myself (and writing about it weekly) has made me a better leader at work.  I’m better at holding people accountable, but doing it in a controlled manner that doesn’t damage the people involved or my relationship with them.

·      Temper: Last year, I wrote about in incident in which I blew up on someone at work. Objectively, he sort of deserved it, but it still reflected immaturity on my part.  My wife’s solution was to make me apologize to him verbally (no emails), and that hurt far more than the paddling she gave me for it.  It also seemed to have a more lasting effect than any spanking, and I really have been more conscious of how I talk to others at work, even when provoked.

·      Family interactions: Similarly, Anne has spanked me more than once for saying things to the kids that weren’t particularly kind or sensitive.  I have gotten much better at holding my tongue in such situations and at offering apologies immediately when I have said something I know was excessive or not really fair.

What hasn’t changed?  Well, in general I think when I first found the DWC, I envisioned something like many of the fiction stories, not realizing that they are, in fact, fictional in more ways than one. I envisioned a more or less instantaneous change in our power structure, with her consistently spanking me for anything she saw as an offense and me surrendering to that authority.  It has been more incremental than that.  Her authority has not been exercised consistently and my surrender has been far from complete.  But, it’s always a work in progress, right?

The Club - Meeting 287 - Bratting

“We need to understand the difference between discipline and punishment. Punishment is what you do to someone; discipline is what you do for someone.” -  Zig Ziglar

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, Domestic Discipline relationships.  I hope you had a good week. 

Mine was, as is so often the case these days, exhausting.  It was a combination of things this time.  I was fighting a cold all week.  I had bad bouts of insomnia.  And, last night, instead of going to bed to get a start on catching up on sleep over the weekend, I stayed up late watching a movie I’ve seen a hundred times.  And, yes, the movie watching followed an evening of dinner and drinks, followed by a nightcap or two at home.  Though, honestly, while it leaves me feeling bad today, in the moment it all felt like self-medicated decompression.  My weeks are so packed with activity right now, I hit Friday evening and just want to unwind fast and hard. 

But, I’m trying to face up to the fact that there are reasons, and then there are excuses.  And, the former can morph into the latter.  Moreover, sometimes even if you have very good reasons for less than optimal behavior, that bad behavior gets in the way of things you need to accomplish.  In those circumstances, even if there are justifications for the behavior, like being overwhelmed at work, you need to be held to a higher standard.  In fact, it is precisely when you are overwhelmed, treading water and in danger of going under that you need an extra dose of discipline to rise to the occasion you find yourself in.  Ideally, it would be self-imposed discipline, but some of us are  fortunate enough to be in Domestic Discipline relationships in which we are held to that higher standard when we can't seem to do it ourselves.  It's what we need, and so it is what we get.

I’ve talked about my "need" for boundaries many times, but when I think this through, “need” has two connotations. First, there is the emotional need that boundaries meet for some of us; the sense of security that for whatever reason some of us lack and that enforced boundaries can help us attain.  I'm really not "needing" discipline in that sense right now.  When I am operating at this pace, part of me actually gets off on the stress and the crazy level of busyness.  The "need" I have for boundaries right now is really external, not internal. If anything, right now I do not want to be spanked at all; the "need" I have at this moment is not an emotional yearning to be controlled.

But, I do recognize that I "need" discipline right now.  It is an externally centered "need," in the sense of something that is "required" or "necessary" for achieving an end.  I need enforced boundaries right now, because without them I am in danger of not performing at a level that is necessary for this new role I find myself in.   My response to the requirements of that role is to hit things really hard and plunge myself into it with everything I have, but without really eliminating anything I was doing before.  If  I keep at things like this, I am endangering my physical and psychological health through living too hard.  In this sense, the "need" is for discipline as something that is required or necessary to achieve some desired state--in this case performing in a more challenging environment than I have been in for a long time--while not destroying my health in the process.  

It is akin to being spanked hard for a bad report card – it’s something done out of caring and is for the recipient’s own good, regardless of whether it seems so to him at the time.  In fact, it may be the exact opposite situation of the internally felt need.  To continue the "bad grades" metaphor, I may feel perfectly fine in the moment when I am not focusing on what I need to do in order to earn a good report card and, in fact, might prefer to continue with exactly what I am doing.   But, that's short-term thinking. Those of us blessed with Disciplinary Wives get the benefit of someone making us think long-term.  

Well, enough on that for now, though I've had this nebulous idea of "tough love" as a topic on my mind for a while but haven't been able to come up with anything really concrete to explore about it. I'll keep mulling that and welcome any suggestions.

On the topic of topics, I was a little surprised by last week’s topic response, or lack thereof. I thought it was a great topic, but it didn’t seem to get much traction until the very end of the week, and not a whole lot even then.  It's the first time in a while that there were few, if any, comments the first few days it was up.  Though, it could be everyone was just busy earlier in the week. That happens sometimes. In any event, thanks to those who did weigh in and who took the time to put together actual comments responsive to the actual topic. 

Most weeks, I choose topics based on comments from the week before or based on things happening in my own life. That’s not really the case this week.  Instead, I thought of this topic a while back and put it on my list to address in the future,  because I thought some might have experience with it, even if I don’t personally.   

The subject is “bratting.”  I’m not sure I have ever encountered the verb form of “brat” outside the Dominance and Submission and DD contexts (the quote to the right is from a D/s-oriented Tumblr). But, in a nutshell, "bratting" is misbehaving intentionally in order to provoke a response or get attention. 

Bratting could take several forms, and could be a single incident or something that goes on for a long time.  It could be episodic, as in acting up on a particular occasion in order to provoke a response in that moment. Or, it could be something deeper, as in acting up frequently in order to trigger the other spouse to step up into a more dominant role. In fact, perhaps bratting could even be the impetus for the entire disciplinary relationship.  I am a reminded of a comment a few years ago by Holly, which touched on several interesting themes, including "bratting," consent, initiating the DD relationship, and mother/daughter relationships:

“Calling me a bitch was what led to my husband’s first appointment with the strap. He had done it before, but my mom heard it for the first time and told me I was a fool for allowing it. There were other things going on at the time, including his general brattiness and temper tantrums when he was frustrated. It was a big change for me, because I had been determined to manage my own marriage differently than my mom had done. But over a period of time, about three years, I saw the same behavior in my husband that had gotten dad in trouble with mom. When I told him what was going to happen, he gave me almost no resistance. That makes me think he wanted me to take charge and his brattiness and tantrums were his way of asking for it. He knew how mom had run things, and I think that made him want the same thing from me. The strap transformed him into a sweet loving husband. I don't think that would have ever happened if I had not acted, or to be honest, if mom had not pushed it."

I can honestly say that I don’t think I have ever intentionally acted badly in order to get a spanking or provoke a response from Anne.  At most, there are times when I’ve caught myself in bad behavior, or felt a sense of being out of control and not really able to rein myself in, and gotten frustrated when she didn't step up or wondered why she was not literally whipping me into line. But, I don't think I have ever taken that next step of continuing or amping up the bad behavior in hopes of triggering a response.

How about you?  Is bratting something you engage in?  If so, how has that worked out for you?  Is it an example of, “be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it”?  For the Wives, do you think your husband sometimes engages in bratty behavior intentionally to get your attention or to provoke you into a strong disciplinary reaction?  If so, what do you do about that?  Is the solution to make him very sorry for both the behavior and the bratting, basically making him regret this form of "asking for it"?  Or, do you have some other method of dealing with it?  Regardless of which end of the paddle you are on, tell us all about any personal experience you all have with this bratting phenomenon.

Have a great week.