“The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it. ”
-- Roseanne Barr
Hello all. Welcome back to the Forum - Disciplined Husbands & Disciplinary Wives. This is our weekly gathering of men and women participating or interested in domestic discipline or Female Led Relationships.
I hope you had a great week. I assume that some of you did, or at least a busy one, since the number of posts has been down for a couple of weeks now. I hope that is a reflection of folks having other competing priorities, and not a reflection on the last couple of topics.
A few weeks ago, as some of you saw, I had a little spat with someone whose main line of inquiry was, "Why must this be so harsh?" To me, the very common sense answer was that the people who are genuinely into this lifestyle are, I presume, doing it for disciplinary purposes. Hence the name -- Domestic Discipline. For discipline to be effective, it needs to be unpleasant. Therefore, it hardly seemed surprising that the community of readers of
this blog would be heavily populated with people who are looking not
just be spanked, but to be spanked very hard. I also presumed that many
men who want to be in a Female Led Relationship not only want to be
controlled; they want that control to be firm. Commanding even.
At around this same time, however, I was also getting some questions or comments from some of our Disciplinary Wives indicating they had some nagging doubts along the lines of "Does he really want this?" or "What if I do it harder or am more dominating -- is that what he really wants?"or "I'm worried that if I really take control he will resent me for it."
So, since we had not done a poll on these issues in a while, I decided to put my presumptions to the test. Last time we did some similar polling (over a year ago and with a smaller group of readers), the clear result was "more." In short, men wanted more and harder spankings, by a significant margin. This time, I tried to get a little more granular to focus not only on the act of spanking, but to try to see what men want in terms of severity of discipline, the sternness of their partner's demeanor, and the extent of accountability.
The results are in, and they are not very surprising (at least to me), though they are interesting nonetheless. The response rates varied slightly on the respective polls, but they averaged about 135 people, which is fairly high by our historical standards. Here is what they had to say:
The disciplinary spankings I receive are:
Too hard
|
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Not hard enough
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Just right
|
|
I wish my disciplinarian's demeanor toward me was:
More stern
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Less stern
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Her demeanor is just right
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In holding me accountable, my disciplinarian is:
Too strict
8
(5%)
|
Not strict enough
105
(78%)
|
Just right
21
(15%)
|
| |
|
|
|
|
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The most obvious takeaway is, as our earlier polling is confirmed, men want it "more" and "harder." Harder spankings, more stern demeanor, and being held accountable on a stricter basis. This should give some assurances to any willing but hesitant dominants out there who have been holding back, thinking that their husbands may not want real discipline and control. If they don't, then they are in the distinct minority. Very few of our poll-takers thought their spankings were too hard, and even fewer wanted less accountability or less sternness from their disciplinary wives. In fact, "more" and "harder" trounced the other categories.
Something that surprised me a little was the strength of responses wanting more accountability. Almost 8 in 10 men wanted her to be more strict in holding him accountable. I assumed it would be high, but in line with the other two questions. But, it was almost 20 points higher than those wanting harder spankings. It was also the area with the lowest number of men who are satisfied with the current state.
While it's easy to speculate and dangerous to read a clear message from a poll that, even with a pretty high response rate was still only about 10% of this blog's readers, some general, though tentative and qualified conclusions do seem to emerge:
- Women, stop worrying that your husband is going to resent it if you give him that hard, disciplinary spanking that you have been reluctant to give. Whether he will have one of those "why the hell did I ask for this" moments during the event is an open question, but you can at least rest assured that if your husband wants anything different in your DD relationship, you are probably safe in erring on the side of giving more, not less.
- You also probably don't need to worry about being perceived as "bitchy" if you take firmer control and embrace that HoH role. 70% of the guys out there seem to want you to cut loose with that more authoritarian demeanor.
- Your man wants you to hold him accountable. So, when he screws up, don't waste time and energy pondering whether spanking him in this instance is "fair." He very likely wants you to keep him more firmly under your thumb.
Finally, these results seem to provide a big reason to question the views of anyone who advocates that this is all just a spanking fetish. Looking at the variances across the three polls, the desire to be held accountable and the need to be subject to stern command and control seem to be independent drivers of what the men who initiate this lifestyle are looking for. So, while the spanking element may be a necessary piece of the puzzle for them, it's not sufficient and may not be what is really driving them to want this.
How about you? Where do you come out on our polls? Do you want it harder, stricter and tougher? Do you want her to toughen the demeanor she uses when addressing your bad behavior? If you were to give your wife feedback on what you want and need, would you tell her you want more and harder? Or maybe it's already more than you bargained for? Or, maybe she's doing things just right? For you, what does the ideal look like?
I hope you all have a great week. If you are a newcomer here, please take a moment to stop by the Guestbook (tab above) and tell us a little about yourself and your DD or FLR relationship.
Dan
