The Forum - Topic #58

Hi all.  I hope you had a good week.  I'll probably expand on this topic a little later when I have more time, but I wanted to get it out there before my day gets busy.  The topic is about interrupting our routine to work in a well-earned disciplinary spanking.  Have you ever been ordered to leave work so your wife could discipline you?  Or, maybe you acted up at a party and your wife took you home for a quick spanking session before returning you to the party with an improved attitude?  Tell us about a time when your routine or an event was interrupted to make time for some much needed discipline.

The Forum Topic #57 - Polls Old & New

Hi all.  I hope you had a great weekend and are enjoying, for those of you in the Northern Hemisphere, a great Fall day.

This week's topic is related to my most recent poll, which focuses on viewer ages.  This topic resulted from an exchange with Susie a few weeks ago when I was bemoaning the fact that a topic on dealing with children in the context of a F/m domestic discipline household failed to generate much interest.   Susie postulated that the lack of response might be do to the fact that most of the Forum's readers are over 50 and children at home may no longer be an issue.  That seemed like a theory that really needed some testing, because I had not real basis to believe that a majority of our readers are, in fact, over 50.

So, several weeks ago I put up a poll to test that proposition.  I intended to leave it open for another week.  But, really, what is point?  While I would probably be wise to begin with the assumption that one of our Disciplinary Wives is correct, what surprises me is not that Susie was right, but the degree to which she was right.  The over-50 crowd is, by far, the largest demographic age block who reads this block or at least the largest that actually fills out the polls.  As of this morning, there were 114 votes, with the following breakdown:

21 - 30	8 (7%)
30 -40	5 (4%)
40 - 50	19 (16%)
50+	82 (71%)

If the 114 people who responded are remotely representative of the overall viewer base, then almost  3/4 of our little community is over the age of 50.  While I am not particularly surprised that the readership tilts somewhat toward the older end of the spectrum, I am very much surprised that the numbers are so skewed toward that one age group. Admittedly, some of my surprise probably comes from the fact that the vast number of people who visit the blog I run are from an age group that I actually am not in!

So, my question is, why?  Why is the demographic of those interested in the topics addressed by this blog--primarily F/m domestic discipline--so heavily tilted toward those 50 and older?  More disposable time that they use to surf the internet?  More secure in themselves and more open to alternative lifestyles?  The Baby Boomers are just more open to alternative lifestyles than the younger generations?  You have to reach a certain age to fully feel the stress and strains that lead some hard-charging career men to seek out DD as an outlet?

Also, since we are on the topic of age, tell us a little bit about where you were in life at various times when DD and/or spanking took on some meaning in your life?  When did you first become aware of your interest in it?  When was the first time you acted on that interest?  When was the first time you gave or received a real DD or punishment-oriented spanking?  How old were you when you took concrete steps toward a real DD relationship?

I'm also putting up a new poll that I hope will tease out a few more insights on who we are and why we do do this thing we do.  This one focuses on career and professions.   Should be interesting, though this one is a little harder to construct a good poll because there are just so many options.  But, hopefully it will get the ball rolling.

Open Mic #2: Susie on the Topic of Topping From Below

Susie took me up on my offer (well, offer or pushy and presumptuous demand -- whichever) to step up to the microphone.  Instead of talking in detail about her relationship, she has chosen to take on a topic that has come up in some recent comments, i.e. "topping from the bottom".  Here is her contribution:

Topping From the Bottom

How many times have you heard the above phrase and wondered what it means?  Let me tell you, it's not what many of you have in mind, and I feel that we are constantly learning on our journey, and that if I can share with all of you, you can learn from me, and I can learn from you.

Some basics about me (names and such are changed to protect identities) I am a lifestyle female Dominant in my mid-50's. Someone once told me I could easily be mistaken for your average youngish grandma,  I've been in the BDSM lifestyle since I was in my late teens. I was taught the old school way, and started out as a submissive. I was a good submissive, and I was a fast learner. I enjoyed service of all kinds, and I don't ever recall hearing that phrase. I was told what to do, how to do it, and I didn't ask questions.Years later, when I got involved with a much older male Dominant, he told me that I was too much of a SAsS (Smart Ass submissive Slut) to actually be a submissive. He gave me rigorous training on how to be a Dominant. It was then that I learned about Topping from the bottom.

So, what is Topping from the bottom? Honestly, it's easier to tell you what it isn't, but I will try. Please bear with me.

If your wife is hitting (spanking) you too high on your buttocks, telling her as she's spanking you might be seen as topping from the bottom. If you wait until afterwards when she is holding you and you tell her without complaining "Honey, when you were hitting me with that brush earlier, it was too high" that is not topping from the bottom. Giving feedback in a non-judgmental, matter of fact way is NEVER Topping from the bottom, especially if it is well after the fact.

Asking for aftercare (being held and spoken to in gentle tones) after being disciplined is not Topping from the bottom. Both of you need a cooling off period afterwards, and it's all part of being closer to the one you love.

Buying your wife a paddle or cane is not Topping from the bottom. neither is saying "I hope you use this on me someday," Telling her "I want you to use this on me next time I get a spanking" is Topping from the bottom. Okay, I know I've lost a few of you, but there are some men who are masochists and enjoy the discipline. My husband 'Sam' (Smart ass masochist) is one of them.

Requesting a spanking might be Topping from the bottom, but it depends on the circumstances. If you have had a bad attitude, and you say "I have had a bad attitude all day, and I think a spanking will help it" isn't. Getting upset and nagging her because she won't is most definitely Topping from the bottom.

Making a request is not Topping from the bottom. Telling her exactly how you want things is. Discussing your needs, desires and feelings isn't Topping from the bottom.  Expecting her to do whatever you want is Topping from the bottom.

Communication and feedback is very important, and if it is given in a respectful manner, it isn't Topping from the bottom. One of the most important things in a relationship is communication, and if you are denied that, I feel it distances you from your spouse, and causes anger and bad feelings to fester. For those of you who are in a Domestic Discipline relationship, I'd like to suggest that you get together with your spouse or significant other at least once a month to talk about things, Share the positives as well as the negatives. Women, it doesn't hurt to give your man the occasional praise, especially if there is an area of great improvement. Give him some "warm fuzzies." I guarantee you that he will work harder to please you. Men, remind your woman that you appreciate her, and everything she does to ensure your good behavior. Do something sweet and unexpected once in a while. If you have them, be a good example for your children. Treat your wife with love and respect.

Please feel free to ask any questions or give feedback, even if you disagree with me.


I appreciate honesty from people.

Encouraging our DW Contributors

This is a short reminder and a bit of a kick in the pants to all our male contributors.  We have exactly two female contributors who join this forum on a regular basis.  Susie and Anna.  Last week Anna took up my invitation to post about how she became a Disciplinary Wife.  So, here we have a real, live disciplinary wife, and virtually no one has comment on her post or asked her any follow-ups.  If we want more of the women in our lives to feel comfortable posting on the blog, we need to encourage it by getting in there and communicating with them.  So, come on!  Scroll down one topic and bombard Anna with comments and questions.

Susie, fair warning.  You're up next. ;-)

Dan

The Forum - Question of the Week #56

Hi All.  I hope you had a great week.  Mine was, in a word, exhausting.  Business travel.  Not enough sleep.  Locked in business meetings with some fairly dysfunctional people, many of whom could clearly use a very hard spanking.   Oh well, that happens, doesn't it?   But, it really does make me wonder sometimes whether the millions of dollars businesses spend every year on performance consultants  and executive coaches of various sorts might be better spent on a few hardwood paddles and canes. 

As you will note, I just posted a submission from Anna, one of our regular commenters.  Anna, thanks very much for sharing how you got into DD and a summary of the program you implemented with Peter.

Anna's submission, and some of the comments from last week, lead to this week's topic: communicating with your significant other about DD.  For the last couple of weeks, we have all talked a bit about how we got into DD, what it does for us, what we hope to get out of it.  How much of that is something you share with your partner?  And, how much do they share with you about what they want?  Clearly, some of you communicate on a regular basis about what you want and need out of DD.  How about all the rest of you.  Do you talk about what is working and, just as importantly, what is not?  And, are some of you in a situation where you want to talk to your spouse about exploring a domestic discipline relationship, but you don't feel you can?

Finally, I will end this week's topic with an offer and a challenge, before letting you get onto what I hope will be a fun and relaxing weekend.  First, Anna took me up on my offer to share her story and thoughts, and I hope more of the disciplinary wives will do the same.  I'm still not sure we have many of them as readers, unfortunately, but for those who do stop by our little corner of the internet, the microphone is always open and available.  As for the challenge, this blog is now getting around 1,000 unique visitors on a good day.  Yet, we only have about 10 regular commenters.  Let's see if we can expand that a bit.  Will one or two of you lurkers drop us a line or two if you haven't in the past?  By all means, use a fake name, but leave something that allows us to welcome you to our little group.  It only takes a minute, and we'd love to year what you have to say.

Also, if you haven't voted in the poll yet to identify your age group, please do so.  There is a pretty overwhelming pattern emerging from the response we have so far, which I will make the subject of a future post.

Have a great weekend.

Dan

Anna's Story and Punishment Schedule

Hi all,

One of our regular commenters, Anna, took me up on my invitation to step up to the microphone.  Here is her personal background with DD, and an outline of punishment guidelines and schedule she and her husband have agreed to.



A BRIEF HISTORY

I MARRIED MY HUSBAND PETER AT 20. HE WAS 25 AND ALREADY VERY SUCCESSFUL.  HE WAS PART OF THE SILICON VALLEY EXPLOSION AND
WE LIVED VERY WELL.

AT 30 WE HAD TWO SONS. ONE 5 AND ONE 4. WE LIVED IN A LOVELY HOME
AND LACKED FOR NOTHING IN A MATERIAL SENSE. PETER WAS A GREAT
PROVIDER.  I WAS ALSO MISERABLE. PETER WORKED HARD AND PLAYED EVEN HARDER AND LITTLE OF HIS PLAY INVOLVED EITHER HIS WIFE OR HIS SONS. HE WAS LIVING THE LIFE OF A SINGLE MAN.

I WAS MISERABLE AND TOOK TO BEING A NAG AND MY GETTING EVEN WAS
TO DEPRIVE HIM OF ANY FORM OF SEX WITH ME.   A WEEK AFTER OUR
TENTH ANNIVERSARY WE BEGAN SEEING A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR IN AN
EFFORT TO SAVE OUR MARRIAGE FOR THE SAKE OF OUR SONS. THE FIRST
THREE MONTHS OF OUR SESSIONS ONLY MANAGED TO MAKE THINGS WORSE.
AFTER ONE SESSION WHERE PETER SAID ONLY TWO WORDS IF THAT, AND I HAD RUN ON AND ON THE COUNSELOR STOPPED ME AND ASKED PETER HOW
HE FELT. HE SAT FOR A FEW MINUTES AND THEN STOOD UP AND YELLED
" I JUST WISH SHE WOULD GROW SOME BALLS AND STOP WHINING"
AFTER HE SPOKE HE STORMED OUT. I SAT IN SHOCK FOR SEVERAL MINUTES
BEFORE I LEFT.

LONG STORY SHORT WE BEGAN ACTUALLY TALKING. ONCE PAST THE ANGER HE COULD TELL ME HE WANTED ME TO REIN HIM IN. WANTED ME TO GIVE HIM
CONSEQUENCES FOR HIS BAD BEHAVIOR. I BEGAN READING ABOUT WIVES WHO SPANK THEIR HUSBANDS. WHILE WE SPOKE OF THIS IN GENERAL TERMS PETER CONFESSED THAT FOR THE PAST FEW YEARS HE HAD BEEN SEEING
A WOMAN WHO SPANKED HIM. THERE WAS NO SEX ONLY SPANKING AND HE ASKED ME TO SPEAK WITH HER. BECAUSE HE WAS SO OPEN I AGREED.

I MET MS X I SHALL CALL HER AND SHE WASNT ANYTHING I EXPECTED HER TO BE. SHE ASSURED ME THERE WAS NO SEX AND THIS WENT BEYOND SEX FOR PETER.

THE NEXT STEP WAS HARDEST SETTING UP RULES WITH PETER AND THEN WHEN HE BROKE A RULE SUCH AS BEING HOME FOR DINNER AT THE AGREED UPON TIME.  IT TOOK TIME BUT FOR THE PAST FOUR YEARS WE HAVE REFINED THE RULES. THE ONE THING WE DO NOT DO IS EVER MIX UP DISCIPLINE WITH SEX AFTER.

SPANKING PROGRAM FOR ANNA AND PETER


AFTER MUCH TRIAL AND ERROR WE NARROWED DOWN THE THREE AREAS
THAT WE BOTH AGREED NEEDED WORK FROM HIM TO MAKE OUR MARRIAGE WORK BETTER.

# 1 OFFENSIVE TONE. TOO OFTEN HE SPOKE IN A CONDESCENDING TONE
       TO ME EITHER ALONE, IN FRONT OF COMPANY AND ESPECIALLY IN FRONT
       OF OUR BOYS.

# 2  DISPLAYS OF ANGER THAT OFTEN SCARED THE BOYS AND EMBARRASSED 
        ME EITHER WITH OTHER FAMILY OR FRIENDS. LIKE ALL BOYS OUR SONS
        WERE BEGINNING TO MIRROR THEIR DADS BEHAVIOR.

# 3  DRINKING AND DRIVING EITHER ALONE OR WITH FAMILY

SINCE OUR BOYS SPEND EVERY FRIDAY NIGHT WITH HIS PARENTS WE DESIGNATE THAT EVENING AS PUNISHMENT EVENING. PETER KNOWS TO GO AT ONCE UP TO THE BEDROOM AND LAY OUT THE BELT, BRUSH , PADDLE, AND A RIDING CROP. HE THEN UNDRESSES AND STANDS IN MIDDLE OF ROOM AND WAITS UNTIL I COME UPSTAIRS. I CHOOSE WHAT METHOD I WILL USE AND THE TOTAL COUNT IS LEFT TOTALLY UP TO ME. I CALL IT THE " UNTIL MOMENT"
THAT IS THE MOMENT WHEN I SENSE BY HIS TEARS, PLEAS OR ATTITUDE
I CAN STOP. AFTER A SPANKING HE PUTS AWAY ALL THE SPANKING MATERIAL
AND THEN STANDS IN THE CORNER TO MEDITATE FOR AN HOUR. NOSE TO WALL HANDS LOCKED IN THE SMALL OF THE BACK LEGS SPREAD APART.

AFTER HIS CORNER TIME HE COMES DOWN TO DINNER AND WE RESUME A NORMAL EVENING. THERE IS NEVER SEX OF ANY KIND. USUALLY WHEN WE GO TO BED THE OFTEN CURLS UP AND TELLS ME HE IS SORRY AND THANKS ME FOR MY PATIENCE.

IN THE PAST YEAR AS WE HAVE GROWN TO UNDERSTAND THESE NEEDS THERE ARE TIMES WHEN AN IMMEDIATE SESSION IS NEEDED BY HIM. THESE USUALLY OCCUR AT HIS OFFICE AFTER WORKING HOURS. I HAVE A STTER COME IN AND GO TO HIM WHERE HE ASKS FOR WHAT HE NEEDS TO GROUND
HIM. THESE SESSIONS SEEM TO PRODUCE THE TEARS MOST OFTEN AND AFTER ONE OF THESE SESSIONS WHEN WE GET HOME THERE IS A LOVELY CALM AND HE OFTEN BEGS TO SERVICE ME WITH NOT RELEASING HIMSELF.