Hi all. Welcome back. I hope you had a good week. Mine really was not, and it leads me to this week's question: Is there any downside to discipline, other than the obvious downside of getting your bottom blistered in a most painful way? That's this week's question, but here is some context for it. I've actually been thinking about this topic for a while, but this week's events brought it to the forefront of my thinking. This post also will be a bit more self-revelatory than usual in terms of events happening to me in the "real world", so if I come into work on Monday and someone is treating me differently, I guess I will have just identified one of our valued Forum readers. :-)
The background is fairly straightforward, and a situation most of us in corporate America have faced at one point or another. I was passed over for a new role, in favor of someone who those hiring for the role see as more compliant. Unfortunately, no matter how much I know that submission can be as important in the boardroom as in the bedroom, somehow at work I just cannot bring myself to submit to anyone, including my superiors. And, this is not the first time in my career that I have taken some kind of hit for being too outspoken and too forceful with my views.
But, here is the quandary: I was a top contender for this role, and I don't know that I would have even been in the running, had I not attracted attention in the past, and I attracted that attention by not being submissive and by not being shy about voicing my opinions. So, while a lack of discipline cost me this job, it also helped me leapfrog a lot of more experienced people who have been there a lot longer.
So, in your own life, is there any downside to becoming a more disciplined, submissive person? Has it made you more timid? Has it caused you to miss opportunities or to labor in obscurity? Conversely, for our Disciplinarians, is there a downside to you in being the controlling party? Does the responsibility sometimes become a bit much? Or, do you find your domineering and controlling role causes you problems in other parts of your life?
I hope you all have a great week. If you have a moment, please visit the Guestbook and tell us a little about yourself.
The background is fairly straightforward, and a situation most of us in corporate America have faced at one point or another. I was passed over for a new role, in favor of someone who those hiring for the role see as more compliant. Unfortunately, no matter how much I know that submission can be as important in the boardroom as in the bedroom, somehow at work I just cannot bring myself to submit to anyone, including my superiors. And, this is not the first time in my career that I have taken some kind of hit for being too outspoken and too forceful with my views.
But, here is the quandary: I was a top contender for this role, and I don't know that I would have even been in the running, had I not attracted attention in the past, and I attracted that attention by not being submissive and by not being shy about voicing my opinions. So, while a lack of discipline cost me this job, it also helped me leapfrog a lot of more experienced people who have been there a lot longer.
So, in your own life, is there any downside to becoming a more disciplined, submissive person? Has it made you more timid? Has it caused you to miss opportunities or to labor in obscurity? Conversely, for our Disciplinarians, is there a downside to you in being the controlling party? Does the responsibility sometimes become a bit much? Or, do you find your domineering and controlling role causes you problems in other parts of your life?
I hope you all have a great week. If you have a moment, please visit the Guestbook and tell us a little about yourself.
It's Susie... I'm sorry you were passed up. Being the vocal big picture person often sucks, and I feel for you, but I also want to encourage you, and remind you that sometimes we miss out on what seems to be a good opportunity, only to find out later that there was something better further down the line that was better suited for us. I'm speaking from experience.
ReplyDeleteIn 2010, I was offered what people in my business call a "once in a lifetime opportunity", but I knew within myself I just wasn't ready. I didn't have the time to invest in the position offered, and I knew that my family wouldn't be supportive of me, so I turned it down on the off chance that it would be offered again. Two years later, the offer came up again, and I was told that I had more support than I had the last time. I took it, knowing it was only a temporary job and I excelled so much that it looks like the next time the opportunity appears I'll be given one again.
Now, to answer your question: I don't consider myself to be a leader. I think of myself as a person who takes over leadership positions because nobody else is willing, or able to do so. My husband is also a leader in his place of employment, but he loves to obey me. I think of myself as Dominant, not domineering.
:-D
DeleteThe above is a huge smile...
I very much enjoy being in charge at home. It gives me joy to see the members of my household do as I request, and even have them question my decisions (I don't want mindless robots). This did not happen overnight, but I will say that I feel I was rewarded for the suffering and pain I had to endure as a young housewife and mother. Being older and more experienced now, I will say that my life lessons strengthened me, and that I now have the luxury of living my life as I see fit.
Then your wife and I have something in common. While I'm not new to BDSM, I am new to D/D, only doing so for about a year. I would also like to mention (in case I didn't before) that I'm no longer married to the man who caused me so much suffering and pain when I was young.
DeleteI must repeat that I love my life now. It's not always easy, but it is more than satisfying.
None of us should be judged by the worst thing--or person--we've done in life. Congratulations on getting rid of him!
DeleteThank you! It was a dark part of my history, and I have the best man I could ever ask for.
DeleteI see no downside to discipline, or being disciplined.
ReplyDeleteI am only submissive to my Wife.
At work, I am in control, as others look up to me due to my many years of experience in the field, and I often take charge just to get things done right.
Yet, I manage to do it quietly, and 'with discipline'.
It's that "do it quietly" part that I obviously have not quite mastered.
DeleteDon't worry that you have "outed" yourself. The scenario you describe happens regularly in any large organization. There is nothing uncommon about upper management valuing loyalty over vision - sometimes appropriately and sometimes unwisely.
ReplyDeleteWith the right interpersonal dynamics, an authority questioning visionary and a detail oriented, disciplined politician can be a very powerful team. Position on the org chart does not tell the whole story of who provides the leadership. (Unfortunately, it does play an outsized role as far as pay and prestige.) I don't suggest that you submit to workplace spankings as shown in the illustration. However, your vision may impact the firm more if you allow her to impose some workplace-appropriate forms of discipline.
Perhaps the lesson to be learned is that you may need to bring the same attitude of submission to your workplace that you bring to your home.
ReplyDeleteI agree that is one solution, but I think it may be too easy. Because, when I look around at the people who have succeeded in our organization, while some are subordinate to the guys at the top, the lower levels are populated by the meekest among us. But, my own answer on that is also too easy, because being a servant is part of being a leader. Although I could not make it through all three of them, Anne Rice's x-rated version of Sleeping Beauty paints a compelling picture on this score. As the princes and princesses are sent to a kingdom where the leaders use BDSM to literally beat the princes and princesses into submission, so that they become more servile, more humble, and more enduring, and become better leaders in the process
DeleteWell, I have to disagree with most of you. Dan, I'm proud of you for being you and fighting for change that is necessary. To be submissive in your work????? what does that really mean. I can't believe anyone should suggest that you be less than you can be. If you act that way, you should get the spanking of your life. I'm not sure what I am at home. IT seems I am always in charge....not necessarily to everyones benefit. We all have strenghths and weeknesseses what we owe the ones we care about and ourselves is to be the best we can be. Keep fighting the good fight Dan.
ReplyDeleteBack to lurking.
First, please don't go back to lurking! Come on in -- the water is warm and the company inviting. And, I'm not just saying that because you agree with me. ;-)
DeleteSeriously, I agree with you that being the best you can be is the only way to have any kind of long-term career. But, I also do acknowledge that a lack of submission, or "subordination" as they prefer in the work world, can also have negative consequences. I just need to get to where I can do the one without suffering from the other.
Well, I lurk more because I don't really have much to say. I'm not a disciplined husband. I have always been the one in-charge, professionally and personally. While over the years, I have disciplined my wife with a sound spanking on a few occasions but not for years now. As I get older, I feel there might be some value to being disciplined in my personal life. I'm not perfect and do have some bad habits that I think my wife should spank me for....it would be good for me I think. Anyway, she really can't get her arms around the idea.
DeleteI have never been a take charge person, I am shy, quiet and timid. Maybe that is why my xwife was attracted to me, she saw the potential for control.
ReplyDeleteTK
I'm like you in my career, and it has cost me some positions, but it also allowed to become a V.P. at young age of 32. It depends on the management style at your company. If you work for a management team that is insecure and doesn't like someone who challenges them (my last company) then our style will not get us far. My suggestion is as the saying goes "To thine own self be true" and find a company that appreciates our strengthens and you will be rewarded. BTW I have left my previous employer and in search for a better fit.
ReplyDeleteThat lines up very well with my own general view of things. In the end, I'm not sure there is a way to have it all when it comes to jobs and competition. Our biggest strength in one context is a weakness in another. And, if you try to get better at one thing--like submitting to authority--you become worse at something else, like the leadership attributes that got you elevated in the first place.
Delete