“Carelessness is inexcusable, and merits the inevitable sequence.” - James Anthony Froude
Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club. Our weekly on-line gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.
I hope you all had a good week (or two). Mine’s been busy, and a little annoying. For the second time in two weeks, an unforeseen mechanical problem put an abrupt end to a planned motorcycle trip.
Though, truth be told, I was starting to feel like I was packing a few too many things into a compressed end-of-summer schedule. But, many of my summer adventures have included friends made through our common hobbies since my retirement. They say there can be “friendship drought” for middle-aged men, especially after retirement. It felt like that a bit for the first year or two, though I’ve developed an unanticipated network of new friends since then. Although as an introvert it sometimes seems easier to dodge social engagements, including trips with others, I have been reminded this year that you get out of relationships what you put into them.
That sentiment is in-line with something ZM observed about last week’s undirected (by me) interactions:
“All
it takes for there to be good discussion is for people to show up and comment
on what others have already written. Naturally, Dan replies to almost every
comment (which is certainly appreciated, especially considering that it is
quite time-consuming to do so) and that in itself keeps the blog quite lively.
But I think it is a bit unfair that we look to Dan to create a long, well
thought out blog post every week, since that is quite a chore. Rather, as long
as anyone contributes almost anything at all, and if others reply, it can turn
out being a very dynamic conversation.
I don’t worry much about any “unfairness” as, in the end, I write the blog mainly as an outlet for my own creative needs. I don’t have many other creative talents in my life, but I do like writing, and I like exploring this thing we do. And, I like “talking” to others about it.
So, when TB alluded to the prospect that I might stop blogging and the blog would end absent my appointment of a successor, I responded that I don’t see that happening. Since I started blogging on this subject, I’ve seen several DD and spanking blogs come and go, and I’ve seen more than a few of them come back after their authors had declared they were finished for good. For that reason, I don’t see any chance that I would issue some definitive “It’s been fun, but I’m done” message anytime soon; it’s too likely I’d go back on the decision, so why announce it in the first place?
As I said in response to TB, if the blog were to suddenly stop, it’s far more likely it would be because Blogger took it down, which has happened to more than a few DD blogs.
In terms of his reference to a possible successor, I haven’t thought about it a lot, in part because I’m not sure any of the longer-term commenters who I could see in that role have the time or interest. Oftentimes, even if the interest is there, the timing may not work. It wasn’t until after she had passed that I learned “Aunt Kay” had talked to her husband, “Jerry”, about me being her choice of successor. But, at the time I was drowning in work, and my total lack of technical skills made it impossible for me to get the website up and going again. And, honestly, I’m not sure any man could really step into the unique role Aunt Kay filled.
Anyway . . .
I didn’t have a discreet topic in mind for this post. Instead, I’ll jump around with some thoughts on last week’s discussion and also relate some personal DD and FLR anecdotes that have been on my mind. If something resonates with you, please jump in.
First, thanks to those who weighed in on the Tumblr audio series I linked to, entitled The Spanking Mom Next Door. It was the perfect example of how much the quality of this blog, and my interest in it, hinges on participation. For a number of reasons, I was at a low ebb where DD interest was concerned, right up until I logged in and found a series of thoughtful comments from ZM regarding that audio series. It’s also a testament to how much readers bring to any fictional work, as I’m sure that the discussion back and forth with ZM plumbed depths that the author of the series may have never intended. In fact, if the whole thing is AI-generated, then it may not make sense to talk about author’s intention at all and, instead, reader reaction is literally all there is.
One of ZM’s observations in particular matched my own experiences:
When talking about the aftereffects of a spanking, the story also mentioned somewhat the post spanking dynamic that many of us have talked about here, where for the days after being spanked we find ourselves quite calm and contrite or almost submissive, while our wives tend to continue to subtly show their authority. I know that I find myself almost in awe at my wife’s ability to bring me to heel, as well as her much better self-control that makes up for some of my lack of self-control in some areas.
I think her starting to use her authority to address things that matter to her is also basically inevitable. Once your wife realizes the power she has to effect change, expect that sooner or later she is going to start using it!
That last paragraph is consistent with where things seem to be going with us lately, though it has been a work in progress. In the past, I’ve always been puzzled by how little connection there was between the things that mattered to Anne and what she actually spanked for. Often, she seemed least inclined to spank for the things that seemed to irritate or anger her the most.
At least with respect to being verbally strict and stern, that seems to be changing. A couple of days ago, when we were with a weekend guest, I made a comment that Anne considered snarky and disrespectful. Later that morning, a text arrived from her stating in no uncertain terms what the consequence would be if it happened again.
Then, today she got angry because I threw out some product boxes that were taking up a bunch of storage space. In the process, I seem to have thrown out a charging cable and operating instructions. To some extent, she was mad about those things being tossed out but, in reality, it was probably more about her long-simmering anger at me throwing out things without asking her. Although in this case I hadn't argued with a specific order or instruction from her, one could argue that throwing out the boxes was a form of generalized resistance to her authority and disregard of her preferences. For that reason, this captioned meme highlights, in mild form, what's probably going on in her mind with respect to me doing something I know she has a problem with.
My perspective is the only way anything leaves our house is if I throw it out, because Anne has some packrat tendencies. But, in her mind, I should be consulting with her before throwing out anything that she might want. Hence, this text received earlier this morning:
We aren’t together today, so the spanking won’t happen until tomorrow at the earliest, but the text is an example of her recent moves toward more verbal strictness.
Do I feel like I should get spanked for this? Regarding throwing stuff out, I do still feel like the boxes were taking up a bunch of room and needed to be disposed of. So, on the substance I don't feel like I was wrong. But, it echoes ZM's observations about how we feel more contrite and appropriately submissive after an exercise of authority, even if we don't fully agree on the "why" involved in that exercise.
And, it dovetails with another issue that I've asked her to come down on harder, namely carelessness.
As I said, I think the real source of her anger is that I threw away something without asking, but it makes it doubly bad that I may have carelessly thrown away something that was in the boxes, apparently because I never really looked inside them. Several weeks ago, I was angry with myself for some other act of basic carelessness and asked whether she would amp up her strictness where that was concerned.
We’ve had similar discussions about other areas needing improvement, but this time, something about that particular issue seemed to take root in her mind. Although it didn’t lead to more frequent spankings, she did dramatically step up her game in terms of verbally chastising me for acts of carelessness that she observed. There were even times that I would mention casually some lapse of carefulness or attention, and she would immediately respond with some comment about whether I should be spanked for it.
Now, it is important to note that there wasn’t much forward movement on actually spanking me for those instances of ordinary carelessness, but I still think her increasing verbal assertiveness is an important step, precisely because it’s something she has struggled with in the past.
Increasingly, she is much more assertive about speaking her mind when she’s angry or annoyed with me, and I think that spanking more frequently is almost certain to follow, assuming no intervening health or personal disruptions.
The whole carelessness thing has been nagging at me since my first aborted motorcycle adventure a few weeks ago. It’s probably no coincidence that one of my first posts on carelessness happened about a year ago, and it related to carelessness in relation to my favorite pastime. I noted:
For
some reason, it’s [carelessness] shown up a lot in my hobbies and recreational
activities. The first time I recall
really wanting a significant spanking for an act of carelessness was on a group
motorcycle trip a couple of years ago. The trip included some tough
terrain. Unfortunately, one of my tires
was significantly worn, but I didn’t notice it until it was too late to get it
replaced. I decided to risk it and,
while no great disaster ensued, it did cause some significant problems and made
certain parts of the trip much more dicey than they should have been. I also
forgot to bring some necessary equipment, despite having an exhaustive
checklist to work from.
This year, when I went on a similar trip, I did a better job with ensuring everything was maintained and that I had the right equipment, yet there were still some problems that occurred as a result of not maximizing some things I knew I should, in face, maximize. There was also one fairly significant incident in which, though I didn’t initiate the carelessness, I went along with a traveling companion’s insistence on something that I knew in my gut was going to cause us a significant problem, and it did.
On this year’s aborted trip, the problem presented itself in a slightly different way. I did experience a mechanical failure while on a difficult portion of a route, but it wasn’t anything I could have prevented. However, the fact that we were on that part of the route at all was as a result of me giving into the wishes of my riding companions to ignore some threatening weather conditions. Now, the weather conditions have nothing to do with the mechanical failure that ensued. But, I knew at the time that ignoring those conditions was a mistake and that something bad could have happened as a result of not pushing back on my companions’ risk-ignoring preferences.
I wrestled with that for a few days: I didn’t speak about someone else’s risky behavior and, instead, went along with it against my better judgment. At first, I felt like it probably shouldn’t be “spank worthy”, since nothing bad resulted directly from it. Yet, I also felt like that was perhaps putting too much emphasis on consequences and too little on whether I should have pushed back harder on what was, essentially, peer pressure.
So, that all leads me to two questions for possible discussion.
First, in determining whether something you do or fail to do will earn a spanking, to what extent does it depend on whether something bad happened as a result of that act or failure? In other words, especially with respect to something like carelessness, does the consequence of getting spanked depend on whether your actions or omissions resulted in some other bad consequences? Or, is it more the act or omission itself that matters and not whether anything bad resulted from it?
Second, most of us who are active on the blog seem to be at a stage in life in which one might think that “peer pressure” was no longer a thing. Yet, I know in my own life, it often still is a factor influencing my behavior. It has been an issue when it comes to things like over-consumption of alcohol, though in fairness to my boozy friends, we tend to enable each other’s worst excesses. I can’t really hold them responsible for it.
When it comes to risky behavior on motorcycle excursions, however, as related above I have often let my companions’ risk-taking preferences take me into situations that I had big reservations about. Absent peer pressure—if only the subtle sort involved in not wanting to be seen as less skilled or more tentative than one’s more adventurous friends—I would have acted differently than I ended up doing.
I realize I have an out-sized need for personal accountability and that sometimes we need to treat a mistake as a mistake, and it seems reasonable to do so when nothing bad results. Basically, “no harm, no foul.”
Yet, I also believe that lack of accountability on even genuine mistakes has
ripple effects. If I’m careless—or don’t show sufficient backbone in rejecting temptations—in one area, it can lead to a breakdown in self-discipline in other areas.
For me personally, I feel like there need to be consequences for both the nature of the act and the result. The spanking consequences should be independent of the “real world” consequences, and sometimes otherwise consequence-free incidents of inattention or carelessness should earn a very bad spanking, particularly if a seriously negative result was foreseeable and avoided only by sheer luck.
Given my strong leanings toward DD with a maternal vibe, perhaps it’s inevitable that I feel like giving in to peer pressure should result in a spanking, regardless of whether something bad resulted. In fact, although I have very few memories of getting spanked by my mother, behavior she saw as risky or trouble-making would have gotten me spanked, and it was even more likely to happen if someone else was involved.
In fact, in that time and place it would have been fairly likely that both of us would get spanked by whichever parent witnessed the bad behavior, and a call might have been made to the other culprit’s parents. So, perhaps that childhood experience of communal guilt and punishment still motivates me today.
What about you? What role, if any, does peer pressure play in the things you get spanked for today?
Hopefully those DD-related scenarios that have been playing out in my life and rolling around in my mind will stimulate some discussion.
I hope you have a good week.
