“As kids, our experiences shape our opinions of ourselves and the world around us, and that's who we become as adults.” - Chris Hemsworth
Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club. Our weekly on-line gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.
Once again, before we get started, I would like to thank the female commenters who have recently joined us and to extend an invitation to all others who may be inclined to move from “lurker” to “commenter” status. We like having you around.
I hope you had a good week. Mine was pretty good. Quite a departure from last week on the Domestic Discipline front. No spankings.
Was it just me, or did last week’s conversation never quite gel? A few comments here and there, but participation seemed to be down significantly. Hopefully, people were just busy with other things.
Near the end of the weekly comments, Donn raised some issues about racial, religious, and geographic influences on adult DD participation. I don’t want to get into those issues directly, particularly religion and spanking. Whenever I’ve done so in the past, it’s attracted some discussion that I just don’t want to get into. But, Donn’s comments did lead to an observation from me about the correlation, or lack thereof, between the prevalence of spankings in our respective childhoods and our DD desires as an adult.
My point being that, after over ten years of running this blog, I’ve been unable to detect any such correlation. Some of us were subject to corporal punishment as kids. Some weren’t. Some had strict parents. Some had very lax parents. Some experienced spankings in school. Some did not.
Although I think most of us intuitively believe there should be a positive correlation between relative degrees of exposure to spanking as a kid and interest in spanking and discipline as an adult, I have a really difficult time seeing one emerge from the thousands and thousands of comments on this blog. We seem to assume that if we want to be spanked by our wives now it is probably because we were spanked by our mothers as kids, but I just haven't seen much evidence presented in our blog comments that it's actually true.
Some of you may be familiar with the polls that were posted on the old DWC website. While illuminating, they too were riddled with hidden assumptions that almost undoutedly skewed the results. For example, there were several questions related to spankings by mothers, but there was not a single question (from what I recall) about whether participants were spanked by their fathers. There seemed to be a presumption, hidden in the otherwise seemingly neutral questions, that adult DD interest must be associated with parental spankings and, more narrowly, with spankings from the mother and not the father.
But, it’s also been a long time since I’ve tried to drill down into the issue in any systematic way. In the early days of the blog, it was somewhat easier to figure out the leanings of our participants/lurkers on various issues, because Blogger had a neat little polling widget. Unfortunately, that polling capability is long gone, so I’m stuck with just asking tailored questions and hoping people respond. It’s a pain in the ass, but I’m going to try it again this week.
So, here goes my attempt to ask a series of questions with the specific intent of teasing out the extent to which there is or is not a correlation between our early spanking experience, or lack thereof, and out interests in DD as an adult.
I hope both regular
participants and lurkers will participate, as it’s an easy entry point into
telling us all a little bit about your DD background but without having to
craft a long, self-revelatory comment.
So, here goes. I’ve put the choices in parentheses to try to keep things
simple:
- What is your DD orientation? (spanker/spankee/switch)
- How prevalent was spanking in the community/communities you grew up in? (very prevalent/moderately prevalent/not prevalent at all)
- How open were parents and kids in your community about spankings, including talking openly about the subject and/or spanking in public? (very open/moderately open/it was known but kept mostly/it was not discussed or performed in public at all)
- How frequently were you subject to corporal punishment at home? (frequently/a few times but not regularly/not at all)
- If you were subject to corporal punishment at home, who was the primary disciplinarian? (mother/father/both mother and father equally)
- Were you subject to corporal punishment at school? (yes/no)
- Were you spanked by relatives or third parties outside your home or school? (yes/no)
- At what age did you develop an interest in spanking or being spanked? (pre-teen/teen/20s/30s/40s or older)
- At what age did you develop an interest in Domestic Discipline or DWC-style spankings? (pre-teen/teen/20s/30s/40s or older)
Like I said, I’ve tried to keep this simple and straightforward. Unfortunately, I know from experience with the old Blogger polling widget that I will inevitably look at the responses a week from now and know I should have added certain questions or stated some questions differently. But, let’s go with those for now.
Please try to answer each question using one of the suggested options. But, feel free to give additional details to clarify or further elucidate your answers.
I will try to kick things off.
- What is your DD orientation? (spanker/spankee/switch)
Answer: Spankee
- How prevalent was spanking in the community/communities you grew up in? (very prevalent/moderately prevalent/not prevalent at all)
Answer: Very prevalent in the community I was born and raised in for several years. It was less prevalent, or at least not as openly prevalent, in the community where I went to high school.
- How open were parents and kids in your community about spankings, including talking openly about the subject and/or spanking in public? (very open/moderately open/it was known but kept mostly/it was not discussed or performed in public at all)
Answer: In the community where I was born and raised for several years, it was very out in the open. Parents talked about it and were not at all shy about spanking kids (their own and sometimes others) in places where it could be overheard or sometimes witnessed. Where I went to high school, it was much less open, though still practiced in school.
- How frequently were you subject to corporal punishment at home? (frequently/a few times but not regularly/not at all)
Answer: A few times but not regularly.
- If you were subject to corporal punishment at home, who was the primary disciplinarian? (mother/father/both mother and father equally)
Answer: I don’t have many specific memories of childhood
spankings, but I think mother and father roughly equally. I recall my biological father (he died when I was young) threatening spankings, but I don't recall any actual ones. I am pretty sure my mother did spank me a few times when I was young, but not often. I do remember her spanking one of my step-siblings. I recall one belt strapping from my step-father, and it was very memorable.
- Were you subject to corporal punishment at school? (yes/no)
Answer: Corporal punishment did take place at school, and I was sent to the principals’ office a few times with the expectation I would be paddled, but I don’t think it ever actually happened.
- Were you spanked by relatives or third parties outside your home or school? (yes/no)
Answer: Yes, a handful of times by uncles or aunts. There may have been others, but I don’t recall.
- At what age did you develop an interest in spanking or being spanked? (pre-teen/teen/20s/30s/40s or older)
Answer: 30s. Late 30s to be specific.
- At what age did you develop an interest in Domestic Discipline or DWC-style spankings? (pre-teen/teen/20s/30s/40s or older)
Answer: 30s. Late 30s to be specific.
Even though I’m sure it will be a small sample and the results won’t be remotely scientific, hopefully we’ll get enough answer to either see some patterns or conclude there just don’t seem to be any. In any event, I look forward to see all your answers.
Have a great week.
I’ll start us off for the week as thats how the conversation ended with Norton and Donn.
ReplyDelete1. Spankee
2. Very prevelant. There was not a week that went by where I did not observe, over hear, witness, or receive one. This happened at home, church, and school.
3. Very open, it was commonly talked about by us kids after receiving one. Parents had no issues saying, your cruising for a spanking. Keep it up.
4. Frequently- it was either me or my siblings on the receiving end. Some were drawn out, some over quickly.
5. Mother only.
6. Yes, we were paddled at school. I was probably paddled about a dozen times a year. It was usually for not completing my homework.
It would be a few strokes of the paddle. The max you could receive at one time was six.
7. Yes, babysitter, friends parents, both Mom and Dad, pastor of church once or twice.
8. Teens, I received my first bare bottom spanking from a church girlfriend. She was spanked by her parents as well. I arrived late at her house one day without calling and she was mad. I suggested a strapping. She did not disappoint. I was probably sixteen. I gave her a long hard hand spanking as well. I also dated a girl at 19 who strapped me good a few times as well.
9. Late teens. I found the DWC website and was hooked. Unfortunately my ex had no interest in thrashing me for bad behavior. I utilized some disciplinarians who taught me a lesson or two. I’ve stated before that one passed away and if she had not, I would still see her today. She punished for real life infractions.
T
It sounds like the prevalence in your community and school were even more prevalent than where I grew up - which is saying a lot. In my hometowns, corporal punishment was a thing, but I don't recall it being applied to things like missing homework. But, it could be that I've just forgotten some of it. Also, I moved from the community where it was the most prevalent in the middle of grade school, and homework probably wasn't a big thing at that point.
DeleteWell, since I was the (partial) instigator of this weeks discussion, . . .
ReplyDeleteWhat is your DD orientation?
"Spankee"
How prevalent was spanking in the community/communities you grew up in?
Wow, this is a hard one, as anyone who happened to read my posting this afternoon (2/15) in last week's blog can understand. All of these answers are for years 1965-1980. . . .
One community (Upper mid-west, USA), "not prevalent at all."
Another community (South US, middle-class, +97% "white") "moderately prevalent";
another very close (2mi) community (working class, 99.5% "black") "EXTREMELY prevalent."
Another community (Southern Mexico), "moderately prevalent".
Another community (Western Plains, Canada), "not prevalent at all."
Another community (Mason-Dixon Line), "moderately prevalent".
How open were parents and kids in your community about spankings, including talking openly about the subject and/or spanking in public?
In communities where it was either "moderately prevalent" or "+EXTREMELY prevalent", kids talked about it, when it happened to "others." Most adults did not talk about it, unless they we immediate participants in delivering discipline. Overall, I would say for those two types of communities: "moderately open."
How frequently were you subject to corporal punishment at home?
"A few times (#4: age-5, 6, & 11 [home];, 13 [school]) but not regularly."
If you were subject to corporal punishment at home, who was the primary disciplinarian?
"Mother."
Were you subject to corporal punishment at school?
"Yes." (Two communities in South US.)
Were you spanked by relatives or third parties outside your home or school?
"No."
At what age did you develop an interest in spanking or being spanked?
At what age did you develop an interest in Domestic Discipline or DWC-style spankings?
Disciplinary Spanked (self): "early teens" (non-erotic)
Erotic Spanking (females): "early teens"
Erotic and DD Spanked (self): "mid-30's"
Probably the biggest "spanking shock" of my life was when we moved to an overwhelmingly "black" community in Texas. Yes, there was spanking of kids at home, and sometimes we talked amongst ourselves. However, it was shocking, simply incredible how much spanking went on in Junior High School -- "paddlings". (My younger brothers told me it was "the belt" in their elementary school a few blocks from my school.) Practically every teacher had a paddle in her classroom desk. For more serious offenses, a teacher (>80% "she") would simply have you stand out in the hall until one of the vice-principals, "on patrol," would come by and take care of "your business." There was also the morning "tardy line": Thirty to forty students who were not in the building when the morning (8:00am) bell rang; they would have to wait outside the school doors, and get 3-5 licks from the vice principal as each came through those doors, before they could go on to class -- "parental notes?", valid excuses? - didn't matter, bend over! A student who forgets his "gym-kit" at home (me, only once): One of the "coaches" would use his "super-sized" paddle to minimize recurrences. You get the picture! (I certainly enjoyed watching a lot, a huge number, of "tight female bottoms" jumping, twisting and squirming under those paddles!) All very public, which was the point -- maximum "deterrence" value)
I know Dan doesn’t wasn’t to discuss religion and race and it’s affects on spanking, but unfortunately it plays a serious part into some of our DD lives now. It’s a subject that unfortunately can’t be overlooked.
DeleteYou should watch the opening of season 4 of Fargo.
DeleteYes, in the schools in the Deep South, most of the teachers had a paddle in the classroom when I was growing up. It was not unusual for a teacher to take a student out in the hall and paddle them (they were limited to a few whacks - don't remember the exact number).
Delete--al
In fact, I recall having a conversation with a teacher friend a few years ago, and she told me that she was still taking middle school kids out to the hall to paddle them as recently as the 1990's. --al
DeleteI recall that too, in my Bible Belt first hometown. In my later hometown in the Southwest, I don't recall individual teachers ever paddling. Instead, kids were always sent to the principal's office.
DeleteGoogle's "spam monster" struck again: Devoured my post!
ReplyDelete
ReplyDelete* What is your DD orientation? (spanker/spankee/switch)
My orientation really is switch, but since my wife is purely spanker, I am actually only ever spankee.
* How prevalent was spanking in the community/communities you grew up in? (very prevalent/moderately prevalent/not prevalent at all)
Non-existent
* How open were parents and kids in your community about spankings, including talking openly about the subject and/or spanking in public? (very open/moderately open/it was known but kept mostly/it was not discussed or performed in public at all)
See above. N/a
* How frequently were you subject to corporal punishment at home? (frequently/a few times but not regularly/not at all)
Not at all
* If you were subject to corporal punishment at home, who was the primary disciplinarian? (mother/father/both mother and father equally)
See above, N/a
* Were you subject to corporal punishment at school? (yes/no)
No
* Were you spanked by relatives or third parties outside your home or school? (yes/no)
No
* At what age did you develop an interest in spanking or being spanked? (pre-teen/teen/20s/30s/40s or older)
Teen
* At what age did you develop an interest in Domestic Discipline or DWC-style spankings? (pre-teen/teen/20s/30s/40s or older)
Late 40s
TG
I should add my DD interest was triggered - like so many others - by discovering the DWC. If I’d found it earlier I may have been interested at a younger age. TG
DeleteTG:
DeleteYES! My own interest in corporal punishment, for myself, both erotic and disciplinary, was triggered by the DWC. I think I was "primed" by many life-events before that, but reading the "Real People's" accounts on the DWC was truly "transformative."
You do seem to be one of the very few who seems to have had virtually no exposure to spanking early on and yet developed an interest by your teens.
DeleteLove the 'Barb' drawing - I asked Chat GPT to write a story about the image with very entertaining results!
ReplyDeleteWhat is your DD orientation? In reality strictly spankee as my wife has no interest in being t the receiving end (and I have no interest in spanking her or any lady). In fantasy I could go either / both ways.
How prevalent was spanking in the community/communities you grew up in? (very prevalent/moderately prevalent/not prevalent at all). Very, it was a constant serious and half -serious threat although rarely executed in my home. Spanking language was frequently used as a threat...
How open were parents and kids in your community about spankings, including talking openly about the subject and/or spanking in public? (very open/moderately open/it was known but kept mostly/it was not discussed or performed in public at all). I overheard spankings as a child, from neighbours houses fairly often. Some friends were very open about what had happened to them
How frequently were you subject to corporal punishment at home? (frequently/a few times but not regularly/not at all). Almost never - the very occasional 'smack' and I knew then to behave.
If you were subject to corporal punishment at home, who was the primary disciplinarian? (mother/father/both mother and father equally)
Were you subject to corporal punishment at school? (yes/no) Almost daily at the hands of the Christian Brothers. Hand strapping was an everyday occurrence with the occasional OTK session from the head brother ...
Were you spanked by relatives or third parties outside your home or school? (yes/no) No
At what age did you develop an interest in spanking or being spanked? (pre-teen/teen/20s/30s/40s or older). Early teens, at the onset of puberty
At what age did you develop an interest in Domestic Discipline or DWC-style spankings? (pre-teen/teen/20s/30s/40s or older) Late 40s
TB
TB, I also love the Barb drawing, and the matter of fact expression on the woman's face is the main attraction for me. On to the survey.......
Delete1) switch - I spank her for sex and pleasure, she spanks me for DD
2) spanking was not prevalent in the community where I grew up
3) spanking was not discussed openly
4) I was never spanked at home
5) N/A
6) I was spanked often in elementary school, and a few times in Jr high.
7) Never spanked by relatives or 3rd parties
8) Interest in spanking began in my 20s
9) My interest in DD began after I became aware of this blog, post retirement
Had I been aware of DD much earlier, I would have had a much more stable life, and would have been a better partner. Better late than never.
"Very, it was a constant serious and half -serious threat although rarely executed in my home. Spanking language was frequently used as a threat..."
DeleteThat's a pretty close description of the way it worked for me. It permeated one of the environments I grew up in, it was a constant threat, though while it happened to me a few times it wasn't that often and certainly wasn't a regular thing.
I like many of Barb's drawings but you may notice I seldom post them, for a couple of reasons. First, she has now put up a lot of her work on a pay site, which indicates that unlike most of the spanking artists out there, she's trying to turn her art into an income stream. I try to respect that, posting only those drawings that have been out there for a long time and before she started selling them. (Though, I'd also note that many--and almost all of her recent drawings--seem to be taken from photos and other works, to which she has applied some kind of filter to give them the look and feel of a drawing. So, it's a little hard to get very concerned about copyright with respect to works that are almost all derivative works of someone else's work.) Second, her subjects tend to be on the younger side. There are a couple of her works that I really like but the subjects are so young that it crosses a line with me. I won't post them and I really wish she would have elevated the age a bit. I figured in this particular case, the entire post is about how our early exposure affected us as adults, so this drawing was directly relevant to one of the sub-issues, i.e. how "out in the open" spanking was in our communities.
Norton, it sounds like you have very limited exposure early on, but you didn't develop an interest in it until later, after you had experienced spanking in school.
Delete1. Switch in spirit, spankee in practice
ReplyDelete2. Very prevalent
3. Was known, but so common it wasn’t discussed much
4. More than a few times, but not frequent
5. Mom
6. At risk of but never received. I heard it almost daily in 7th Grade working in the office
7. No, but I do recall babysitters being empowered, not that I ever recall that happening.
8. Puberty onset, so just preteen
9. 40’s
-3pops
"Was known, but so common it wasn’t discussed much." That's kind of the way it was for us. It was discussed quite a lot, but mainly by the adults. There were constant threats about it.
DeleteOverhearing it while working in the office is a fairly unique experience. Do you attribute any of your later interest to that experience?
It is hard to recall exactly when the interest began, but I recall asking my Dad for a spanking one night without any reason and he declined. This was likely while still in elementary school, but I can’t be sure.
Delete7th grade was my first year of Jr High, I was 12 and the hormones were rampaging by then. I volunteered to work in the office as opposed to first period study hall which seemed dreadful. I didn’t really understand what I was signing up for, but watching everyone wait outside the Principal’s office, then hearing them get their 3 pops and seeing their expressions/tears afterwards wasn’t so much a spark as a blow torch igniting my interest.
"...watching everyone wait outside the Principal’s office, then hearing them get their 3 pops and seeing their expressions/tears afterwards wasn’t so much a spark as a blow torch igniting my interest." - Wow, this would have been huge for me, since the school paddling thing was such a morbid fascination. And to this day, I love spanking pictures that show tears.
DeleteBTW, is this the origin of the username "3 Pops"? If so, I just caught it.
-ZM
I can understand the "blow torch" that must have been if you were already so inclined. Tears and real emotional expressions are a HUGE thing for me in spanking drawings and pics.
DeleteYes, that’s where 3pops came from, and yes it is no surprise that school/judicial stories get me going. Accountability, rules, deadlines are what I strive for in our relationship. The maternal vibe, even though mom was the chief punisher growing up, does nothing for me.
Delete100% spankEE until several years ago when I was asked to spank a few ladies. I now enjoy being a spankER at times but still a spankEE about 80% of the time.
ReplyDeleteChildhood spankings were quite prevalent when I grew up.
Fairly well known. Spankings were at times given in public and the topic was talked about between us kind and neighborhood parents.
Most punishments at home were corporal punishments. Usually spankings.
Both parents shared the duty of administering spankings.
Yes. In my era, schools still practiced paddling for discipline.
Mostly by parents. I can only recall one spanking I got from my Aunt.
I did not develop an interest in spankings until late 40’s or early 50’s.
My interest in DD began soon after my interest in adult spankings. Since then I have lived in an FLR with DD.
Given your current 24/7 lifestyle and extensive experience, I'm kind of surprised that you are one of my fellow late-developers.
DeleteWhat is your DD orientation?
ReplyDeleteSwitch. My wife and I are in a modified Spencer Spanking Plan marriage.
How prevalent was spanking in the community/communities you grew up in?
As far as I could tell, very prevalent.
How open were parents and kids in your community about spankings, including talking openly about the subject and/or spanking in public?
Very open.
How frequently were you subject to corporal punishment at home?
Interestingly, even though I grew up in a community where spanking was used frequently, my parents didn't believe in spanking - I was never spanked as a child.
If you were subject to corporal punishment at home, who was the primary disciplinarian?
N/A
Were you subject to corporal punishment at school?
No.
Were you spanked by relatives or third parties outside your home or school?
No, but I had an Aunt who spanked her kids once threaten me with a spanking when I got in trouble with her son (my cousin).
At what age did you develop an interest in spanking or being spanked?
Teen, when I started dating my now-wife.
At what age did you develop an interest in Domestic Discipline or DWC-style spankings?
Teen, when I started dating my now-wife.
"Interestingly, even though I grew up in a community where spanking was used frequently, my parents didn't believe in spanking - I was never spanked as a child."
DeleteI've wondered whether this might be a recipe for developing a strong interest in it -- being around it a lot but never experiencing it personally. It would seem to make almost anyone in that situation more than a bit curious.
This made me think of a different twist on my possibly crazy hypothesis that I threw out several weeks age:
Delete(original hypothesis): "Suppose that there were always a certain percentage of people who were hardwired to want or seek discipline/spanking/etc. If that is the case, then because spanking in schools and homes was such a common thing up until the past few decades, what if somehow many/most of those who were hardwired that way experienced the reality as a child and either it somehow scratched that itch so the desire went away or at the very least, for most who had that need or want, spanking just became a matter of fact punishment which never transitioned into a sexual desire, since they simply didn't think of it that way? Then, as childhood spankings began to become much less common in society, the people who are hardwired that way were left with this smoldering desire that they didn't understand, which manifested as interest in adult spanking, mostly with erotic tones. If this (admittedly far-fetched) theory is correct, then spankings frequently occurring in schools and homes could have actually de-sexualized spanking for most, and actually kept adult spanking from becoming a thing!"
(revised hypothesis): Same hardwired people as above, still growing up surrounded by spanking. Of those that got spanked with some frequency, it generally scratched the itch or at least satisfied their curiousity, so it ended up de-sexualizing spanking for almost all of them. But for those who either were spanked infrequently or not at all, the thought of spanking became a very sexually exciting thing.
-ZM
ZM,
DeleteI plan to post a working theory later in the week after everyone has had a chance to post. --- ( actually more a hypothesis looking for a theory) based partly on your hypothesis. I hope you and others will take a look and comment on it . We do need some framework for understanding all of this
Alan
Alan:
DeleteDan asked (previous, deleted post --this week's discussion) that we delay posting "apparent pattern," "hypothesis" and "theories" until next week's forum; he said that many members often wait to last one or two days to respond. He said he wanted to give EVERYONE a chance to respond before we did any analysis.
Note, I took down that comment, as it was clearly causing confusion about how much discussion was allowed.
DeleteOrientation: spankee.
ReplyDeleteGrowing up, spanking was moderately prevalent. It was known but kept mostly private.
Experienced fairly frequently from both parents. Never at school or by third parties.
Developed an interest in being spanked by girls shortly before puberty. Domestic Discipline interest hit in the 20s.
Do you recall what it was that led to the DD interest in particular? I'm very sure that in my 20s I didn't even know DD existed.
DeletePretty much a lurker these days, the DD has largely lapsed so I can't add much. However on Friday night we had the wife's brother, sister, and sister-in-law over to watch the rugby and I did something to wind up my wife. She told me very firmly and loudly to behave myself or she'd be giving me a good thrashing. My sister-in-laws face was a picture, followed by slightly uncomfortable laughs all round.
ReplyDelete1. I'm definitely spankee, but would switch if the opportunity arose. Wife is strictly spanker only.
2. I believe very common. My friends were spanked at home and at school, and one boy's parents had a strap hanging on the wall in the lounge ( noticed when I visited and stuck in my mine - I can still see it 50 years later). New Zealand in the seventies.
3. Community was reasonably open but it wasn't really much of a thing until high school. Then canings were compared and discussed.
4. Punished at home a few times... hand spanking or wooden spoon only.
5. Usually spanked by my mother but one notable remembered and scary spanking from father.
6. Yes, was punished at both primary and high school. Primary school was either the strap on the palm or a hand spanking on the backs of legs. High school was exclusively caning.
7. No, was not spanked by others outside home or school.
8. Interest in spanking definitely arose pre-teen. At that stage it was more that I had an unhealthy fear of being spanked.
9. Interest in DD arose in my early forties.
"Interest in spanking definitely arose pre-teen. At that stage it was more that I had an unhealthy fear of being spanked." That's interesting, and I think unique among our respondents so far. Though, it's not too far of my own views as a kid. I don't know that I would go so far as calling it an "unhealthy" fear, but I definitely had a lot of fear about it ever happening at school. Looking back now, I'm not sure though whether it was fear of the paddling itself (though I'm sure that was a big part of it) or the fear of embarrassment about everyone knowing it was going to happen or had happened.
DeleteI'm not sure what it was for me. They certainly loomed large in my mind and in those days it was more a matter of when not if you were going to be spanked. Two instances where I can't remember that they were at all harsh, but can remember nonetheless were that I was strapped on the hand and another leg spanked... but occurred at the front of the class, so maybe embarrassment was a big part of it.
DeleteMerk said: "Interest in spanking definitely arose pre-teen. At that stage it was more that I had an unhealthy fear of being spanked."
DeleteThis kid of rhymes with what I wrote a couple of months back: "As far as I can remember, I had a morbid fascination with spanking since I was a child. Probably this was true of all spankings, but what I remember are school spankings. I was always very interested in hearing the details of friends sent to the principal's office, and there was a deep fear I had of facing that myself someday - which never happened. While I remember all this in retrospect, at the time I don't think I would have considered it a spanking interest, and certainly not in any kinky way since I was still pretty clueless about all things sexual."
I often wonder how it might have changed things had I actually received a paddling or two at school.
"Looking back now, I'm not sure though whether it was fear of the paddling itself (though I'm sure that was a big part of it) or the fear of embarrassment about everyone knowing it was going to happen or had happened." - That is a great question. I am guessing for myself, fear of the pain was at least a significant part of it, but at least as big as that was fear that I would cry. And even bigger than the fear of the pain or my response to pain was the fear of the embarrassment of everyone knowing it was going to happen or had happen, and probably at least equal to that was the embarrassment of everyone knowing I did something to deserve a paddling.
Ironically, much of this that I so feared is exactly what I want more of now; I want to feel the much stronger emotions of having witnesses or even another participant, and I want tears to be a much more common component of spankings I receive.
-ZM
-ZM
I don't really recall fearing that I would cry, as it was just so expected. I do think I've always been *extremely* fearful of being embarrassed or humiliated in front of others. I don't think I had any qualms at all about everyone knowing I did something to deserve a paddling. By junior high especially, I was becoming a bit of a troublemaker, and that was definitely the case by high school. If anything, I kind of got off on the image of being one of the chief corrupters of my fellow youths.
DeleteBut, I totally get what you mean about the irony of so much of what you feared then becoming what you want today. In addition to the enhanced emotions involved with witnesses and tears, I'd add the whole power dynamic of being under another's control. For virtually my entire life, I've absolutely hated the idea of anyone else controlling me, and yet her in my late 50s, I've developed a strong desire for it, at least in the context of DD and FLR.
Merk, I think for me, both were a part of it. As I said in reply to ZM, I've always had major issues with being embarrassed. But, I do think I also feared the pain of corporal punishment, particularly from a paddle. Even today, I always seem to have in my mind the idea that a fraternity-style paddle is a particularly fearsome instrument. I think that must come from the fear of school paddlings, because a paddle was never used at home, and in our adult DD relationship I've found other instruments (the bath brush in particular) to be at least as painful.
DeleteThanks both for your perspectives. I genuinely think that fear was the predominant emotion for me. Particularly by the time that I got to my teens. I was terrified of the cane and at school it was a random ever present threat. I generally behaved, but regardless of that as a 24/7 boarder you could easily do unintentionally do something that was caneworthy. I was only caned at school twice (so not "never" ZM) but the fear of the cane has had a lifelong effect. It is our preferred implement now, and still terrifies me - despite although different it is not necessarily more painful than other well applied instruments.
DeleteAt school it was regularly discussed between the boys and some were caned many many times each year... as a kid this was baffling to me. But they were certainly respected for their ability to be unfazed by the experience - maybe they discovered their kink early...
"I've always been *extremely* fearful of being embarrassed or humiliated in front of others." - Same
Delete"I don't think I had any qualms at all about everyone knowing I did something to deserve a paddling. By junior high especially, I was becoming a bit of a troublemaker, and that was definitely the case by high school. If anything, I kind of got off on the image of being one of the chief corrupters of my fellow youths." - I too caused troubles, but somehow (almost miraculously) I almost always evaded consequences. Consequently, I kind of viewed myself as "above the law" a bit and generally took prid in my ability to dodge bullets. So, getting publicly called on something I did and having everyone know I was punished for my actions would have greatly hurt my feeling of invincibility that I so treasured. I don't think I was afraid that I would be ashamed of my actions so much as I couldn't stand the thought of others knowing that I was just as subject to authority as everyone else.
-ZM
That's a good distinction
Delete"maybe they discovered their kink early..." haha!
DeleteI started out fearing the paddle at school. It then became apparent to me that everyone was getting paddled at school. Of course, with the exception of the goody-two shoes. I then stopped fearing the paddle. I was one of the few that never cried. My teachers paddled hard and must of been pissed that I showed little emotion. I was going through the steps. At home was a different story, I was embarrassed by my actions. I hate disappointing my Mother. We were generally spanked on the bare bottom. This was taught on the pulpit believe it or not. I would always cry from a strapping from my Mother. Tears would flow freely. I doubt that will ever occur during our DD. I never feel embarrassed or humiliated by my wife. I also don’t feel that I do enough wrong to feel that need to release if that makes any sense. When ZM describes the chief corrupter of fellow youth, that describes my best friend and I. I found great ways to hide or sneak around and get away with my actions. I was very good at not getting caught doing anything foolish.
DeleteT
I have no problem believing it came from the pulpit. Someone else mentioned being spanked by their pastor. That didn't surprise me either.
DeleteThe "corrupter of fellow youth" comment was mine. ZM quoted it approvingly. Sounds like the three of us played pretty similar roles and suffered a similar lack of consequences. In my case, it wasn't so much that I didn't get caught. It was pretty openly known much of the time. But, my mother was never much of a disciplinarian and by high school wasn't even trying, while my dad more or less approved and took the position that he wasn't going to get concerned unless and until I got myself into some kind of trouble that I couldn't get myself out of.
I think I see a pattern developing in these answers; a pattern that agrees with some previous discussions here in the forum over past years.
ReplyDeleteI don't want to "bias" or "skew" members answers, so maybe it's best wait to discuss any "overall pattern" to these answers until the final few days (Fri, Sat) of this week.
However, I am curious, and maybe future responders (an any past respondents) might include:
(1) The "decades" that accompanied there "youth" (e.g., 60's, 70's, 80's, etc.); and
(2) The primary (or range of) geographic locations of their youth ("UK," "Oceania", US, Canada, etc.)?
I agree, it will be interesting if we can correlate to location next week. TG
DeleteIt's OK. Honestly, my preference not to try to come up with a grand theory before everyone has had a chance to respond is probably going to just cause confusion.
DeleteMy answers to the questionnaire:
ReplyDeleteWhat is your DD orientation?
Answer: Spankee (But I could potentially switch).
How prevalent was spanking in the community you grew up in?
Answer: Very prevalent. (That was the 60’s).
How open were parents and kids in your community about spanking, including talking openly about the subject and/or spanking in public?
Answer: Very open talking about it; moderately open about spanking in public
How frequently were you subject to corporal punishment at home?
Answer: frequently
If so, who was the primary disciplinarian?
Answer: Both mother and father. My mother more until I was 6 or 7, shifting more to my father when I was 7 or 8, and my father exclusively by the time I was in middle school (approaching puberty).
Were you subject to corporal punishment at school?
Answer: Yes.
Were you spanked by relatives or third parties outside your home or school?
Answer: No, though I think there was a realistic threat that it could happen.
At what age did you develop an interest in spanking or being spanked?
Answer: pre-teen.
At what age did you develop an interest in DD or DWC-style spankings?
Answer: 30’s.
Doug
Doug, was there something specific that led you to the DD or DWC-style spankings in your 30s?
DeleteI think it was the Internet. I had spanking fantasies from early childhood. I engaged in a bit of play spanking as a teenager, most notably making bets where the winner got to spank the loser. When I got married in my mid 20’s, the idea of giving my wife the power to discipline me would have seemed ridiculous to me, even though I still had spanking fantasies. When I got my first home computer with Internet in my mid 30’s, I searched “spanking” out of curiosity, and the online spanking community blew my mind. I was hooked. But I didn’t immediately think of actual real life DD. I think that it was the Disciplinary Wives Club website that made me realize that wives disciplining their husbands was a real thing for some people. Then I discovered some other FLR-themed websites that talked about wife led DD. The thing that really turns me on about DD is the idea that it isn’t fully consensual because it is based on the wife having real authority over her husband, the way parents and teachers used to have real authority over kids when I was growing up. In my fantasies, which began when I was a kid, spankings were always non consensual, like the spankings I got for real. (I hated the pain and embarrassment of real spankings, but for some reason I eroticized those things in my fantasies). Once the idea of DD was planted, I couldn’t stop thinking and fantasizing about it, but it took me a while to bring it up to my wife because I was embarrassed by my need for it. It still embarrasses me a bit. I sometimes wonder whether my desire to be punished like a little boy by my wife is Oedipal. I know Freud’s theory isn’t taken very seriously anymore, but I have to wonder about the reason I need DD, the more “maternal” in format the better.
DeleteDoug
"The thing that really turns me on about DD is the idea that it isn’t fully consensual because it is based on the wife having real authority over her husband, the way parents and teachers used to have real authority over kids when I was growing up."
DeleteI know realize that's a very big element for me, too. Though, I'm not sure how much I appreciated that at the time I discovered the DWC. Back, then, I think that my primary attraction was to the whole authenticity thing, i.e. that the DWC involved real spankings for real misbehavior. I think, on a more intellectual level (as opposed to gut level), I thought that it would help equalize an imbalanced relationship, as I tended to have a big, dominant presence while my wife had issues asserting herself (other than in passive-aggressive ways). But, I don't think at that time I really got just how much the authority I wanted my wife to wield in order to balance out our respective power was also a desire for it be employed in a way that felt like it was something I couldn't argue with overcome, i.e. how much I need it to be something that--like parental spankings--was going to happen even if I really, really didn't want it.
I agree with Doug how hard it is to sometimes talk to ones wife about it. It goes back to the, “I can’t bring myself to ask for one, even when I need one.” I wonder about the whole Freud thing as well. Dan, it’s also pretty apparent that almost everyone on here has been spanked, witnessed spanking, talked about it as kids, ect. There is no one who hasn’t had any type of interaction with zero spanking around them. I think it boils down to the age, race, school, religion, and area where you grew up.
DeleteT
Almost everyone. TG is the major exception so far, though Norton didn't have much exposure either. And, given how prevalent it was in society until recently, I'd be surprised if pretty much anyone over the age of 30 in the US had NO personal exposure to it, even if they never experienced it personally.
Delete"Dan, it’s also pretty apparent that almost everyone on here has been spanked, witnessed spanking, talked about it as kids, ect. There is no one who hasn’t had any type of interaction with zero spanking around them."
Delete"And, given how prevalent it was in society until recently, I'd be surprised if pretty much anyone over the age of 30 in the US had NO personal exposure to it, even if they never experienced it personally."
Exactly right. The challenge with a poll like this is very easy to see correlation: "all the people into this were surrounded by spanking during their formative years." But correlation is not the same as causation, nor does it even imply cause. The correlation is a sure thing, because the people on this blog are in some way into spanking in at least some form, and the majority are from the USA and over 40 years old, so almost all are going to say they were surrounded by spanking as a child.
The problem is, if we were to ask the same questions to the exact same demographic group, but those who are not interested in spanking, their answers to
all but the first two and last two questions are likely going to be exactly the same.
So, the lack of a control group (i.e. most of the general population who are not into spanking or DD), could easily lead us to incorrect conclusions.
-ZM
I think we would all acknowledge that this is only an informal poll and any conclusions certainly cannot be considered definitive. But - it will likely lead to an interesting discussion. --al
DeleteCheck out my planned post at end of week that offers a framework to think about all of it including Al's comments and ZM'S.
DeleteAlan
ZM (and Dan):
DeleteI think I would have to disagree about the ubiquity of "spanking exposure" among residents of the US (and Canada) who are over 30-40 years old.
My own experiences were that there was little if any (known) spanking among my friends before I was roughly ten years old. That period was spent in the upper-Midwest, and partly in the Northeast United States.
There seems to be a very high correlation between (1) spanking in homes/churches, and (2) practice of spanking in public schools. To my personal knowledge, there was no (or very little) spanking in public schools in Ohio, Pennsylvania, Norther Illinois, spanking in Wisconsin, Minnesota during the 1960's-70's. From what I've read, it was very similar in the northeast states like New York, Connecticut, Main, Massachusetts, etc. This is not to say lack of school spanking perfectly predicts what occurs in some homes in those regions. But I could easily accepts and understand that many children and teenagers ONLY exposure to spanking in such communities would be "rumors" and exposure in literature / mass-media.
We may be projecting our own early experiences onto large groups of other residents of other regions who were not exposed in childhood / adolescence, never developed either a spanking or discipline "kink," are are thus not part of our group here in this blog.
(I hope no one considers the natural implication of these statements to be "premature" analysis of the data still incoming.)
Answers that I believe J. would have given if he were here:
ReplyDelete1) He was solely a spankee
2) Spanking was very prevalent
3) People around him were quite open, as far as I recall him saying
4) Yes, he was subject to corporal punishment at home
5) It was overwhelmingly done by his mother
6) Yes, he received corporal punishment at school
7) I don't recall him mentioning spankings from others
8) He started developing an interest in being spanked particularly when he hit puberty in his early teens
9) He developed an interest in F/M DD and similar things as he passed to the second half of his teens
L.
Thanks, L.
DeleteDan,
DeleteDid any answers strike you as being out the ordinary?
L.
L:
DeleteJust a reminder: Dan's question were directed at BOTH husbands and Disciplinary Wives. It's helpful to everyone to know how both genders developed their interests in disciplinary spankings. (Please see the responses to these questions from "Miss E".)
• What is your DD orientation? switch
ReplyDelete• How prevalent was spanking in the community/communities you grew up in? very prevalent
• How open were parents and kids in your community about spankings, including talking openly about the subject and/or spanking in public? very open
• How frequently were you subject to corporal punishment at home? frequently
• If you were subject to corporal punishment at home, who was the primary disciplinarian? both mother and father equally
• Were you subject to corporal punishment at school? no
• Were you spanked by relatives or third parties outside your home or school? no
• At what age did you develop an interest in spanking or being spanked? pre-teen
• At what age did you develop an interest in Domestic Discipline or DWC-style spankings? pre-teen
I listed switch, although my preference is to be spanked.
Thanks, David.
DeleteOrientation: Spankee
ReplyDeletePrevalence in the community: I would say that it was moderately prevalent, at least in our circle.
Openness: It varied, but we always knew which kids got it at home. My mother wasn't shy about telling others that she believed in it. I wasn't spanked in public, but threatened with others present. On a few occasions, I was taken into another room and given one.
Frequency: It was a fairly regular occurrence with me, as it was my mom's preferred method of discipline.
Disciplinarian: As you can tell, that was my mom. My father left much of the parenting to her anyway and then they separated and divorced when I was an adolescent.
School: My school didn't use corporal punishment.
Relatives and others: Not really. I recall a few swats from my aunt, but not real spankings. That same aunt watched me fairly often and if I misbehaved for her, I'd get a spanking from my mom.
Interest in spanking: I was always interested in the subject, especially other kids' spankings, but it definitely took off as a teenager.
Interest in DD: That happened in my 20s. My wife was interested in my experience growing up and that led to further discussion. It was clearly my idea, but I was surprised by her openness to trying it.
Kevin
"My mother wasn't shy about telling others that she believed in it." In my case, it would have been odd for any parent to announce they were for it, as pretty much all of them were. Had anyone said they were against it, they probably would have been labeled some kind of weird hippie heretic.
Delete"On a few occasions, I was taken into another room and given one." While I recall very few details from any childhood spankings, I do have some very dim memories of being taken to a "cry room" or outside for being disruptive during church, and I'm sure those involved at least a few swats and a strong lecture about how to behave.
Al here:
ReplyDeleteWhat is your DD orientation? (spanker/spankee/switch)
---Spankee
How prevalent was spanking in the community/communities you grew up in? (very prevalent/moderately prevalent/not prevalent at all)
---Very prevalent (Deep South of the 1960's and 1970's).
How open were parents and kids in your community about spankings, including talking openly about the subject and/or spanking in public? (very open/moderately open/it was known but kept mostly/it was not discussed or performed in public at all)
----Very open, especially among the parents. Kids might not necessarily volunteer they got a specific whooping, but certainly we all knew it was part of all our lives.
How frequently were you subject to corporal punishment at home? (frequently/a few times but not regularly/not at all)
--- Fairly frequently as a small child, but not at all after about age eight (primarily due to family issues) - with the exception of the one memorable spanking by my aunt at age ten, which was probably what imprinted the attraction to F/M spanking.
If you were subject to corporal punishment at home, who was the primary disciplinarian? (mother/father/both mother and father equally)
---My mom. My father became ill shortly after I was born and passed when I was young.
Were you subject to corporal punishment at school? (yes/no)
---Paddling was very common in the schools of the Deep South back in the day - but I was never spanked, being a "well behaved good student" (and when I wasn't, I was sneaky enough to get away with it).
Were you spanked by relatives or third parties outside your home or school? (yes/no)
---Only once - by my aunt when I was ten (mentioned above).
At what age did you develop an interest in spanking or being spanked? (pre-teen/teen/20s/30s/40s or older)
---Probably at age 12 when puberty struck, and the memory of the otk paddling by my aunt in my underwear (pulled up into my crack) morphed into a sexual fantasy - which was eventually projected on to other women as well.
At what age did you develop an interest in Domestic Discipline or DWC-style spankings? (pre-teen/teen/20s/30s/40s or older)
---My generalized interest in F/M spanking became focused on F/M DD in my thirties when the Net came online for the general public. As I began to read spanking stories on the Usenet spanking group, I found myself most intrigued by the stories that featured wives spanking their husband for disciplinary and punishment purposes. This specific inclination cemented when I encountered the DWC website.
--al
"Whooping" is definitely a word that outs one as being from the South!
Delete"Paddling was very common in the schools of the Deep South back in the day - but I was never spanked, being a "well behaved good student" (and when I wasn't, I was sneaky enough to get away with it)." That pretty much sums up exactly how I navigated through schools where paddling was common but without getting one myself.
Your last paragraph kind of reflects my own journey to F/m DD, but mine was a much, much more compressed timeframe. In my late 30s, a segment on adult spanking on the old HBO "Real Sex" series sparked an interest that I'd never felt up until that point. It interested me enough that I started looking for spanking-related content on-line, including the Usenet group you mentioned. Though, in my case the Web had become a thing by that point and there were some websites devoted to spanking. In the course of that exploration, I found the DWC. While your journey from generalized interest to DD-specific took decades, mine was less than a year. Probably less than 6 months.
What is your DD orientation? (spanker/spankee/switch) - Absolutely spanker, at least with regard to DD spanking. If my wife wanted to receive play spankings, I could do that, but certainly not disciplinary.
ReplyDeleteHow prevalent was spanking in the community/communities you grew up in? (very prevalent/moderately prevalent/not prevalent at all) - Very prevalent.
How open were parents and kids in your community about spankings, including talking openly about the subject and/or spanking in public? (very open/moderately open/it was known but kept mostly/it was not discussed or performed in public at all) - I would say somewhere between very open and moderately open. Spankings were often mentioned by both adults and children, and certainly whenever anyone got a spanking, that was talked about by everyone, including the unlucky recipient. Most spankings happened in private, but it was certainly not uncommon to see children receive a few swats in public, and it wasn't unthinkable for even more extended spankings to be given in public (or at least not completely private) places. Overall, it wasn't that everyone was so open about talking about or giving spankings, but certainly there was no real effort to hide it.
How frequently were you subject to corporal punishment at home? (frequently/a few times but not regularly/not at all) - a few times, but not regularly
If you were subject to corporal punishment at home, who was the primary disciplinarian? (mother/father/both mother and father equally) - mother, I think. Interestingly, the only couple of times I remember being spanked are when my dad spanked me, but there I don't even remember the spankings but rather the moments leading up to the spanking. I know my mom spanked me from time to time, but don't remember any spankings specifically.
Were you subject to corporal punishment at school? (yes/no) - subject to? Yes, absolutely. Received? No.
Were you spanked by relatives or third parties outside your home or school? (yes/no) - probably by an aunt, but again I don't remember
At what age did you develop an interest in spanking or being spanked? (pre-teen/teen/20s/30s/40s or older) - I wrote more about this in an earlier comment. I had a morbid fascination from childhood, but I didn't recognize it as a sexual thing until puberty. I remember the exact moment I saw spanking as a sexual thing for the first time, and since that day, spanking has occupied my thoughts at least most days of my life.
At what age did you develop an interest in Domestic Discipline or DWC-style spankings? (pre-teen/teen/20s/30s/40s or older) - 30's, but that is because that's when I discovered the DWC, and because I hadn't been getting the spankings I thought I wanted, so hadn't yet discovered that I really wanted something different than I always thought I wanted.
-ZM
"mother, I think. Interestingly, the only couple of times I remember being spanked are when my dad spanked me, but there I don't even remember the spankings but rather the moments leading up to the spanking. I know my mom spanked me from time to time, but don't remember any spankings specifically."
DeleteThat's almost exactly the case with me. I do have a very dim memory of a time I wandered off from the house to play with an older boy up the street, without telling my mother. I am 99% sure I received a spanking from her for it, but like you and your spankings from your dad, what I recall is the context preceding the spanking and not the spanking itself.
And me Dan. The memorable spanking that I referred to from my father was that I ran from him, I remember his anger, and I remember exactly where he caught me. I can't remember any details of the spanking itself. He was a big man with farmer's work hardened big hands so I guess that it wasn't pleasant.
Delete1. What is your DD orientation?
ReplyDeleteFormer M/F, now firmly F/M
2. How prevalent was spanking in the community you grew up in?
Moderately prevalent
_________________________________
3. How open were parents and kids in your community openly discussing the subject and/or spanking publicly?
It was implicit but mainly was not discussed or performed in public
__________________________________
4. How frequently were you subject to corporal punishment at home? Frequently
_________________________________________________________
5. Who was the primary disciplinarian at home?
Mother
____________________________________________
6. Were you subject to corporal punishment at school?
Subject to -Yes Actually spanked --No.
__________________________________________________
7. Were you spanked by relatives or third parties outside your home or school?
No
__________________________________________________
8. At what age did you develop an interest in spanking or being spanked?
Spanking was of intense interest as early as second grade. Adult interest (M/F) in the very early 20’s evolved into F/M by the late 20’s
____________________________________________________
9. At what age did you develop an interest in Domestic Discipline or DWC-style spankings?
I was in my very late 20s after a disciplinary spanking from a girlfriend.
ALAN
* What is your DD orientation? (spanker/spankee/switch)
ReplyDeleteDefinitely spanker.
* How prevalent was spanking in the community/communities you grew up in? (very prevalent/moderately prevalent/not prevalent at all)
I grew up in an ultra conservative community so it was very prevalent for parents to spank.
* How open were parents and kids in your community about spankings, including talking openly about the subject and/or spanking in public? (very open/moderately open/it was known but kept mostly/it was not discussed or performed in public at all)
They were moderately open about spanking, pretty much everyone did it, but the actual spanking was generally private.
* How frequently were you subject to corporal punishment at home? (frequently/a few times but not regularly/not at all)
Quite frequently. Especially when I was young.
* If you were subject to corporal punishment at home, who was the primary disciplinarian? (mother/father/both mother and father equally)
I remember it was both my mom and dad but more often my mom.
* Were you subject to corporal punishment at school? (yes/no)
No.
* Were you spanked by relatives or third parties outside your home or school? (yes/no)
No.
* At what age did you develop an interest in spanking or being spanked? (pre-teen/teen/20s/30s/40s or older)
I remember having an extreme interest in spanking around the age of five. I would feel excited to see or hear my male friends get spanked.
* At what age did you develop an interest in Domestic Discipline or DWC-style spankings? (pre-teen/teen/20s/30s/40s or older)
I didn’t know bdsm, flr, dd relationships existed until I was in my late teens, but I knew then that that was the only kind of marriage that I wanted.
Miss E.
DeleteYou are definitely in the minority.
It's interesting that the one woman we have who initiated the spanking-DD aspects of her relationships has a profile very like most of the men who are recipients, including an interest in it that began in the pre-teen years.
DeleteOnly with respect to being a female spanker who initiated that kind of relationship is she in the minority. In every other respect, her history of association with and interest in spanking seems almost identical to most of the male respondents.
DeleteDan,
DeleteI admit I perceive it to be relatively uncommon for an interest to start aged 5.
L.
I can trace my fascination with spanking back to second grade
DeleteAlan
I agree, I find it interesting that many of us had similar childhoods regarding corporal punishment but from there it diverged to different outcomes and timelines.
Delete1. What is your DD orientation?
ReplyDeleteI’m the spanked husband in FLR marriage of 35+ years
2. How prevalent was spanking in the community you grew up in?
Prevalent - went to public schools early and then Catholic schools after that and paddling was used.. Parents and kids talked about it frequently.
_________________________________
3. How open were parents and kids in your community openly discussing the subject and/or spanking publicly?
Talked about in public but performed in mostly performed in private
__________________________________
4. How frequently were you subject to corporal punishment at home? Not frequently but occasionally a few swats over clothes when I was young.
_________________________________________________________
5. Who was the primary disciplinarian at home?
Mother but dad would too when he was around. Never anything memorable.
____________________________________________
6. Were you subject to corporal punishment at school?
Paddling was used - but I did not get paddled at school.
__________________________________________________
7. Were you spanked by relatives or third parties outside your home or school?
No but was threatened with it by relatives and neighbors.
__________________________________________________
8. At what age did you develop an interest in spanking or being spanked?
Early - like in kindergarten.
____________________________________________________
9. At what age did you develop an interest in Domestic Discipline or DWC-style spankings?
I discovered that spanking was something people did in a relationship by reading letters in Penthouse when I was about 12 or 13 and always wanted it from then on. I never brought it up with anyone until I did with my wife once we were married. She didn’t get it at first and it took multiple attempts to explain it. I wrote out my desires and all the background out in a letter for her to read about 10 years into our marriage once more became available to read on the Internet and she agreed to try it more once the depth of my interest / longing was spelled out in black and white. We’ve tried it on and off for the next 25 years or so with decidedly mixed results. Considering her starting point (which was zero on this topic and sexuality in general) , we’ve made progress - but it took the kids leaving the house for it to settle in more consistently. It’s just not a natural mindset for her although she likes the benefits of being the boss. We’ve both made adjustments and it’s helped us build better communication over the years - it’s not perfect and never will be but it’s better.
My wife has made a number of comments here. Even with the benefit of anonymity, I am reluctant to discuss/ admit my very long history of wrestling with my submissive role. I grew up in the midwest US. I was never spanked by my parents as they were detached owing to the challenges of just putting food on the table, I was by age7 a free agent, At sge 10 I was spanked nsre bottom otk with a hair brush by the woman next door. I was paddled once at school st age 12 by the woman principal who before the paddling washed my mouth either sosp for calling a teacher a cow. Noth experiences left me feeling a sense of relief once the immediate effects of the spankings subsided. My strongest reaction was concerned others knowing .Shortly after the school paddling I began to masterbate about the spankings. I was fascinated by sny mention or reference to. Spanking, at 20 against the strongest objections of both of our parents we married, My new mother in law found good reason to confront me and after a calm be detailed scolding i agreed to what she called an attitude adjustment, The moment she appeared with a short leather strap in hand I went weak in the knees. The spaking that followed left an impression that has lasted more than 50 years. My wife uses that strap on our DD now. I am still modt worried of being exposed
ReplyDeleteMiss C’s Hubby:
ReplyDeleteYes, I agree. I think I am myself both sexually and domestically submissive, or at the very least I very much prefer strong female leadership in both of these contexts.
It seems like way to many members of the general public, and unfortunately too many women who might otherwise be willing to consider a DD relationship, have been propagandized through the patriarchy's control of mass-media (television and films) in this country. One could understand why a lot of powerful men with such control of public opinion (through media) might repeatedly portray any type of submissiveness in men as being "all encompassing" of a man's life and interactions with the world; might repeatedly, and most unfortunately, portray strong women, who might guide and control their marriages, as "bitches and 'battle-axes'." I remember so so many films (and TV shows) from the 40's, 50's and 60's where it was almost the only such portrayal of any, even minor, power-reversal in a marriage. And much of that propaganda still lives on in current society.
Basically, such "media moguls" were vehemently opposed to any portrayals of men not being able to control women, much less men actually submitting to women. (And we wonder how and why the "me too" movement originated in Hollywood?)
Miss C’s Hubby, I hope you can understand how you yourself may have been so propagandized (and many others around you, likewise), and how it might be generating some of what you are feeling. I also hope your participation here, with many other strong men who submit to their wives, helps you "balance" your feelings.