"Do you want to have an easy life? Then always stay with the herd and lose yourself in the herd." - Friedrich Nietzsche
Hello all. Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club. Our weekly meeting of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline and/or Female Led (FLR) relationships.
Once again, before we get started, I would like to thank the female commenters who have recently joined us and to extend an invitation to all others who may be inclined to move from “lurker” to “commenter” status. We like having you around.
I hope you all had a great week. Mine was better with respect to keeping to my diet, exercise and drinking goals. Though, of course, there is one day of week left.
It was an up and down week on one of my other long-term problems: displays of temper. It’s election season, of course, and for me that includes an immersion in some small town political issues for the first time. Community engagement in the Facebook era really does illustrate the best and the worst of our democratic system. I will say that despite getting provoked pretty badly and baldly at one point, I did better at keeping my cool than I might have in days past.
That’s despite the fact that while Anne has started issuing spanking threats again—a good sign regarding her medical recovery—given her objective physical condition those threats are pretty empty and will remain so for at least a few more weeks.
I'm also disappointed that summer is hanging on tenaciously where we are. I'd usually have a yard full of Halloween decorations up by now, but with my sprinkler system still on to keep my grass from dying, it's not really workable. It also inhibits the fall celebratory mood that usually leads me to posting a ton of Halloween inspired naughty pics and artwork.
I thought we had a good discussion last week. Thank you to all of you who provided topic suggestions. Some of the comments that didn’t suggest topics also gave me some ideas. So, I feel like I have enough to work with for a little while, but keep them coming.
One request around topic suggestions, however. When I say that I’m out of ideas and could use suggestions, and people are good enough to provide me with some, please DON’T respond to their suggestions during the then-current discussion. The whole reason I ask for suggestions is to use the results for FUTURE topics. It can sap the energy from that future discussion if everyone works it over prematurely. And, after ten years, it’s pretty damn hard to generate continuing energy.
Anyway, one topic that seemed to attract a fair bit of attention was “pegging” or using a “strap-on” for disciplinary purposes. I immediately locked onto it as the topic I wanted to do for this week, not because of the substance but because I thought I might be able to save some time and recycle an old post instead of doing a new one from scratch.
Thus, I was surprised when I searched all the old posts and found that I’ve never really done a full topic devoted exclusively to strap-ons as disciplinary tools. It has come up and, in fact, has been discussed pretty thoroughly a few times. But, it almost always happened in the context of a post on “alternative” (to spanking) punishments.
What struck me about some of those earlier posts is that I would usually focus in the post on grounding as an exemplary alternative punishment, but strap-ons seemed to grab the most attention in the comments. That pattern seemed to be on display again last week, when several people, including some of the wives, jumped in with comments or questions after Alan suggested strap-ons as a full topic. And, in looking through my art collection, it certainly does seem to be a prevalent subject. In fact, I have way more examples than I can use in one post. In fact, I have to work in this one by Paulo Serpieri because I love his stuff, even if this one doesn't have any facially apparent disciplinary angle.
So, since the interest level seems to be high, let’s do it.
As seems to be the case here more often than I like to admit, some of you seem to be a lot more adventurous when it comes to exploring various disciplinary angles than we have been.
We have done strap-on play, but that’s what it was – play. And, that was several years ago. Anne has never used it as a disciplinary tool or for role enforcement. In fact, I’m struggling to recall whether we had even started exploring DD the last time we tried it. I’m fairly sure we had, given how long that’s been, but I don’t think we were very far along in exploring any sort of explicit FLR orientation.
I’m very sure that when we
did it, I was the one who initiated it, which may be some further evidence that
even if I wasn’t consciously pursuing an FLR at that time, some of those
dynamics were percolating in my subconscious.
I don’t think either of us had a negative reaction to the experience, but since we haven’t done it again in many years, that says a lot about how much it interested us at the time.
I think that might be different today, at least it might if the express purpose was either as a form of punishment or if it were being used for role-affirmation purposes.
In
either case, I think it would involve Anne consciously trying to make it an
unpleasant experience for me, through some combination of the size of the
strap-on and the vigorousness of her use of it.
I also think there would have to be a very substantial change in her usual demeanor, with her taking on a very Top-like, dare I say, masculine persona.
When reviewing the old “alternative punishment” posts that led to robust strap-on discussions, I found this from Marisa, one of my favorite former commenters:
“I have used a strap-on several times as an alternative punishment and I will probably use it again as necessary. I first got the idea from Elise Sutton's blog during a period Jay was having some serious attitude issues. She is over the top on much of her female superiority themes, but she is right about the strap-on. It is very effective in inducing obedience and submission and the effects are long lasting. The problem with the strap-on for discipline is the time a session takes. If I need to I can administer a sound spanking in ten minutes or less. But punishing him with a strap-on takes an hour or more. Hygiene requires preparing and administering at least one enema which is time consuming. Actually, penetrating a man not used to it takes even more time as does making sure he is getting the message I am sending. Also, Jay at least needs much longer after care when receiving a strap-on compared to a spanking. I don't see the strap-on ever replacing a good spanking but when I need to get his attention it really does work. It also is something that can be used with family or friends in the house. A wife that is looking for an alternative to spanking might try it ,keeping in mind the time issues. If you have the time, it can be a good option.”
Al and Alan gave some great comments as well, but I hope they’ll join in this week with their experiences and latest thoughts on them.
So, what are your experiences with pegging? For those of you who have engaged in it, was it purely for pleasure, or for disciplinary purposes? If disciplinary, what is/was the primary goal? Punishment? Role affirmation/reinforcement? Displaying her dominance and his submission?
If it is about role affirmation or displaying dominance or conversely submission, was the strap-on used only anally?
If you’re willing, please give us some details. How did you determine the size to use? Was there a goal to use something large enough to make it uncomfortable?
What is/was her demeanor like? What was the emotional impact on her? On him?
For those of you who haven’t done it, is it something you are interested in? Why or why not? If you did give it a try, do you have a vision for things like the parties’ respective demeanors, how hard or aggressive it should be, etc.?
I hope you all have a great week.
I think pegging is a good way to finish after a good spanking..it really shows that the woman is in charge!! I want my wife to peg me but she is reluctant to do so..too bad!!
ReplyDeleteAfter my wife and I had been in our FLR with DD for about a year I for the first time in life and in my late fifties began playing around with prostate massage. This led me to some sites that talked about and sold pegging materials. I bought a couple of pairs of pegging panties for my wife and a few strapless strap ons designed for pegging. I shyly asked my wife if she would explore this with me sometime and she reluctantly agreed. I told her that it would likely give me an intense prostate orgasm and also reinforce her authority and dominance, but we agreed not to do it as punishment because we don’t mix up punishment and sexual pleasure. Punishment is serious business. That’s not to say that afterwards, during after care and the intense intimacy that comes with that and subspace that sex doesn’t usually occur after a real punishment spanking. It usually does. It is hard to describe but the events are kept very much individual and distinct in our marriage. Anyway, she pegged me and it went pretty well. She had a difficult time keeping it in and never really found the right angle to stimulate the prostate enough for orgasm. I thoroughly enjoyed it though and particularly the arousal associated with being totally controlled and dominated by my wife penetrating me and the whole role reversal thing. It was hot! She didn’t get much out of it, and at one point it got a little messy and that turned both of us off. We cleaned up and laughed and made great love. We really are best friends. If it ever happens again I guess I’ll do an enema, but that has to upset normal bowel flora and can’t possibly be very healthy for you. I don’t think it’s something we would ever use for punishment. I do think it would be highly effective though especially if she were angry and used a large dildo. We only used it anally. Honestly, I think I would have to convince her pretty hard to try it again. She would do it to please me, but not on a regular basis.
ReplyDeleteThere was a point where I was attracted enough to trying it--before we got into discipline--that has always made me unsure whether I could really keep the kink pleasure separate from discipline were we try it again. If we were to do it again, I suspect we would have to take your approach and simply agree it isn't for discipline. I do think the whole role reversal thing would be powerful to me, though neither one of us has been very into role play, and I think we would almost have to be for such a reversal to feel real.
DeleteI appreciate you covering this topic Dan and I look forward to reading everyone’s stories and advice.
ReplyDeleteI do enjoy pegging and have often fantasized about getting to have my husband that way. Up until this point he was not ready to do so, but a few months ago he told me he wanted to let me peg him and give all of himself to me. I’ve been extremely excited but also nervous as I want to make sure it goes smoothly and is enjoyable for him. I know exactly what it means to him to give me this.
I’ve never thought of using pegging as a disciplinary measure, and probably won’t ever do so, but I definitely could see myself using it as a tool to reinforce his submission. Maybe one day we can work up to incorporating it after an intense disciplinary spanking.
Miss E:
DeleteYes Dan thank you for covering this. I do think I have some unresolved, unmet needs around pegging. I would participate occasionally for pleasure, but that would be more often than my wife would enjoy, so I think I am going to approach her about incorporating it rarely and after a particularly intense punishment spanking where she is really angry with me and wants to give me more, but the spanking has reached its peak and use a larger strap on than she would for pleasure, but not so large as to be dangerous and really put me in my place. I do think that this would cement the dynamic and drive her points home with exclamation points. Drinking more than allowed and sloppy behavior has been a continuous, persistent issue. Although discipline has improved it a lot. I think with an occasional pegging and brutal spanking it might be permanently resolvable with FLR/DD alone. Drinking is a large and complex problem, and I used to think those were not really solvable with FLR/DD, but since we have made certain every spanking is a brutal memorable event with surrender and submission at its end I think I could be disciplined in to moderate drinking. I am much improved already. maybe pegging is what is needed (but rarely). Dan maybe a topic sometime is can FLR/DD solve big complex issues, but not here and now. Let’s stick to pegging.
I can see how it might reinforce his submission even if not used in a disciplinary way. Maybe even more so, it might reinforce a wife's dominant side.
Delete"Drinking more than allowed and sloppy behavior has been a continuous, persistent issue. Although discipline has improved it a lot. I think with an occasional pegging and brutal spanking it might be permanently resolvable with FLR/DD alone."
DeleteSame here, as I've been pretty honest about here over the years. For me, I've come to doubt whether DD will do much for it, though in fairness (a) I do think it has some modest role in imposing some guardrails, even if I crash through them every once in a while; and (b) we've never achieved a really high degree of consistency and certainty. In some ways, that reflects the nature of my issue. I'm not remotely close to a daily drinker. It's just that when I do drink, it can turn into a binge. Since the drinking is so episodic, the spankings have been too, only more so.
But you're right, we can do a larger topic discussion on it. Just fyi for now, a few months ago I started using an app and service called "Sunnyside." It actually has had a material effect on some of my alcohol-related issues. Definitely more than spanking ever did.
Pegging is great fun and very intimate. Yes, there's obviously a strong element of male submission, but we would never think of it as punishment even if it happens right after a spanking. Graham
ReplyDeleteFor Punishment it's a no from me but if requested as a form of intimacy (very highly unlikely from Mrs GL) I'm open minded enough to try. My reasoning for the no part is thus, I couldn't engage in a penetrative act which is designed to cause distress without accompanying pleasure and therefore I don't want to be on the end of one. In terms of the trying side it would help if the images of dildos used weren't a bit like penis in Second Life (was on between 2014-2018) i.e. massively oversized and very unreflective of real life. If Mrs GL wants to take me with a view to mutual pleasure then she will need to ensure I'm getting about the same length I used to give her (pardon the pun). In terms of punishment I'd rather the rest of the padding around my anus was utilised. Cheers GLM.
ReplyDelete"My reasoning for the no part is thus, I couldn't engage in a penetrative act which is designed to cause distress without accompanying pleasure and therefore I don't want to be on the end of one."
DeleteIt makes sense, though in my case the same logic would rule out spanking as well.
Hence the word penetrative in that reasoning Dan. And anyway, as it happens, 99% of my received spanking experiences so far have pleasurable elements regardless of severity. Cheers GLM
DeleteWe have used pegging somewhat rarely in our FLR and it has always been for role reinforcement. It greatly reminds me of and increases my submission factor. I would say about once a month or whenever she feels my submission factor needs a boost, I am pegged with a spanking prior or following or both. She has used various sizes and shapes of dildos, but does not like a strap on. She prefers hand held ones to vary the angle or actually rotate the dildo once inside me. Jackson mentioned his pegging never actually got the correct angle to pleasure his prostate. A hand held is perfect for that and rotating the dildo increases the pleasure. I grant the strap on is better to deliver the 'superiority over submission' scenario or the use of pegging for discipline.
ReplyDelete"I grant the strap on is better to deliver the 'superiority over submission' scenario or the use of pegging for discipline."
DeleteI think this is why, when I think about dildo action, it's really only the strap-on scenario that I find intriguing.
Yes. We’ve done it a few but not for discipline. After a spanking I remained across Devs lap. She used a small device that could be used. After lubricating she slowly pushed it in. A moment of uncomfortable but soon becomes very pleasurable. It’s a unique sensation but also a feeling of giving her even more control. JR
ReplyDeleteI totally get how it would give her even more control.
DeleteWell I am happy to have made the first comments about Pegging. I employ a strap on after inappropriate comments about women’s bodies.after scolding mouth soaping , spanking and chores , done in his chores apron . I place a jar of vaseline on the kitchen island and follow him with the strap on on.I have not employed an enema but have used shaved ginger before inserting a large dido. After the pegging he wears ladies panties again to further masking my point about inappropriate comments ir staring
ReplyDeleteTo me, this is clearly using pegging as part of punishment. Others have made similar comments to those expressed by Miss C. And still others have apparently used pegging for its sensual possibilities or to reinforce her authority.
DeleteMy sense is that the user's intention, i.e., a wife or a girlfriend, determines the use of pegging. So it can be punishment, it can be used to underscore her authority in the relationship or it can be used for sexual fun –and maybe all three at the same time. It is a versatile tool.
Alan
Although I've never experienced it, I think the mouth soaping would probably cure me of any inappropriate comments or bad language pretty quickly.
DeleteI’m interested in being pegged but my wife dislikes ‘toys’ so it’s a non-starter. In a related topic I have been exploring prostate orgasms during a period of sexual inactivity due to (her) temporary medical issues. Using one of the Aneros devices, Mindgasm app and increasingly simply a form of focused meditation on the prostate I have been achieving some excellent results with multiple ‘dry’ orgasms. A whole new dimension of sensation which I would highly recommend exploring… TB
ReplyDeleteA "dry orgasm" would be an interesting thing to experience as a man.
DeleteProbably not for this forum but the 'Super O' and 'multiple male orgasm' are both very interesting topics .... TB
DeleteButt Plugs in DD
ReplyDeleteRelated to strap-ons but not mentioned so far is “butt plugs.” Judging from the sites selling them, they must be popular. But do they have a use in DD relationships? We don’t use them now but have experimented with them and may do so again. My former G.F. used them often, sometimes instead of spanking. I don’t remember the DWC website discussing them, but they seem to be a good fit for DD. Maybe they have been too associated with BDSM and so eschewed by the DD community. In any case, does anyone have any thoughts about Butt Plugs?
I'm confident the DWC website didn't mention them. "Aunt Kay" seems to have been pretty rigorous about keeping overtly kinky content other than spanking off the website.
Delete“Aunt Kay" seems to have been pretty rigorous about keeping overtly kinky content other than spanking off the website.”
DeleteI agree. But at that time, strap-ons, too, were a little outré as was anal sex. We have moved along since then. Given her views on “reinforcement” of spanking, I suspect she would have some positive views on butt plugs.
Alan
Possibly. Al is probably a better source than me, and he's emphasized a few times that she was very quick to close down discussions that went into the more sexualized areas.
DeleteDan wrote: “she was very quick to close down discussions that went into the more sexualized areas.”
DeleteShe was zealous about it. But looking back, she was working in the dawn of awareness of the extent of spanking interest and practice of female-led spanking and discipline. To me, she seemed aware of the PR need to separate DWC from BDSM and overt sexuality. She wanted to rescue spanking ( or protect it) from being lumped into “kink.”
But spanking today has been mainstreamed to a degree that might have amazed her, and wrapping it into other “kink” is not the threat she ( correctly) perceived then. Talking about strap-ons in the context of consensual discipline and punishment is evidence of that. I don’t see butt plugs at all as a bridge too far.
Alan
Yes, I basically agree that Aunt Kay was quite rigorous in keeping almost all "non-spanking" kink off the site.
DeleteI my recent reviews of ALL of the posted contents (first time revisiting in many years) I could only find:
(A) Two instances in all of the "Real People" essays where there was any "bondage" or restraint of the male;
(B) Two instances in the "Member Fiction" section where there was any "bondage" or restraint of the male;
(C) Three accounts of "bondage" or restraint in the "additional, written comments" that were included as part of Aunt Kay's "Second Survey" of Member's demographics and practices.
Basically, from the overall tone of what she chose to publish, it appears that Aunt Kay was a strong believer in men exerting extraordinary control during thrashings, supposedly to prove their true consent and true submission and obedience to the women. However, Aunt Kay did not mind recounting women using bondage (or strong "arm locks") when necessary to ensure a man was properly punished.
(On a side note, I did find three instances in the ""additional, written comments" from the Second Survey where members briefly talked about either pegging or butt plugs as forms of discipline. There were many other comments, to many to count, that Aunt Kay chose to NOT publish as part of those surveys. Apparently Aunt Kay was not so opposed to such anal-activities that she excised them from the survey's comments.)
Donn, thanks for culling through it. Based on comments he made on this blog and other conversations I've had with him, I don't think it's true that, at least in real life, Aunt Kay expected men, or at least HER man, to exert extraordinary control. He has said he was far from stoic during his own spankings.
DeleteI expect removing or banning references to restraints, strap-ons, etc., was more about wanting a distinct line between DD and Femdom, especially since many women would be turned off by the latter.
Dan: I didn't necessary, or particularly, mean "stoic" in terms of "verbalization," of which there are many, many examples of men crying, begging and whimpering throughout the "Real People" essays that Aunt Kay chose to be "publishable."
DeleteI meant instead that the men were almost always expected to "hold position" to fully receive what was due punishment. To basically, by maintaining position, to bully cooperate and "to prove their true consent and true submission and obedience to the women."
I'm not so sure that Aunt Kay actually "banned" references restraint, and bondage, as she certainly published four essays containing descriptions of same. (I guess we can never really know if she only received four essays with such "soft" examples, or many more that were to over-the-top "BD" to be published.)
Pegging can absolutely be used for “punishment”. You must be safe, of course, with a well cleaned-out bum hole (an enema can be part of the “punishment”), plenty of lube, and entering slowly and carefully. Then a safe word also.
ReplyDeleteAll that having been said, it can be more punitive even within the context of safety and everything above. A somewhat more aggressive penetration is more punitive. A thicker and longer dildo is more punitive. Faster and deeper thrusts are more punitive. An extended session is more punitive. A good session of oral before is more punitive. There is an art to taking it just beyond their comfort level. By the time you are almost done, they will ABSOLUTELY want it to stop. They will sweat, they will grunt and cry, they may beg for it to stop, and if they do, make them beg for it HARDER and DEEPER before considering stopping.
They will feel VERY punished, and will have that same dread/craving afterwards as for spanking.
"They will sweat, they will grunt and cry, they may beg for it to stop . . ." I haven't experienced it in that way but I have no doubt it could be used to make all that happen.
DeleteI hope Julie will expand her comments here or on her web page. It sounds like she is talking with some knowledge of using strap-ons punitively, possibly even as substitutes for spanking ---rather than simply to reinforce authority or deal with attitude issues. I would like to hear more, particularly in the context of how using a strap-on aggressively can be done within the confines of safety.
DeleteAlan
Well, I have experience from both ends!
DeleteMost guys either have a small cock, or cums too quickly, or loses the erection. My husband came too quickly when he was younger, but with age now takes too long to cum, but stays hard, and is big (there’s photos/videos on my site). A good long fuck for a woman has all the qualities I described above. Oh, it’s sexy, but you kinda want it to stop. And when it’s in the bum, you want it to stop even sooner. My husband does now sometimes use punitive bum fuckings on me as an adjunct to punishment.
Now, a woman with a strap-on? As big as she wants. Stays hard forever. Never cums. And it’s always up a guy’s bum. I’ve fucked him to multiple playings of “Maniac” from Flasdance!
I’ve definitely given my husband punitive bum fucks, usually after a strapping. The strapping makes him very submissive, and the punitive bum fucking drives home our relative positions at that moment. He’s temporarily turned into the submissive “girl” at my hands. It messes something fierce with his sense of self. Knocks him down a peg to be “squealing like a girl” as I enforce my dominance.
Of course, as you know, we’re scening when we go that way. But our “scenes” are almost always pissed off wife and naughty hubby, usually using something real as the predicate, so, ‘kinda real too?
I rewatched Flashdance for the first time in like 30 years just a few weeks ago. It holds up surprisingly well. And, I don't care what anyone says, that's still the best musical era of all time. Well, maybe that and the mid- to late 70s.
DeleteVery true. My wife has become a believer in the punitive powers of the strap-on when used in conjunction with her paddle. It has become standard practice for a (roughly) weekly review she has started doing to put me in my place so my attitude stays “right” in her mind. She’s not dominant per se but likes the benefits of being in charge and keeping my cockiness/confidence under control.
DeleteOn review days I wear a chastity cage and panties. There is no scheduled time- I am just expected to be available. She’ll tell me about an hour ahead to be in the corner at a certain time.
I put a butt plug in to warm up my rear and then give myself an enema to clean out and am standing nose in the corner at the designated time. She will go through her list of transgressions and “inappropriate tones” and let me know what has to change for the next week. She paddles first as she says likes to look at my red bottom when she fucks it.
When she feels the paddle has appropriately reddened my behind, I help her put on the strapon, lube it up, bend over the bed and then she fucks me- slow at first to get used to the size but after that it is aggressive and forceful. It is very humbling and she has become very proficient at it- I am always ready for it to end. It is punitive.
The combined effect of the paddle and strapon leaves no doubt in my mind of my position in our relationship. I watch my tongue a lot more now than I used too and she’s noticed the change. FF
"She’s not dominant per se but likes the benefits of being in charge and keeping my cockiness/confidence under control." That accurately describes my wife's attitude toward DD.
Delete'Maniac is just over 4 minutes long and 160BPM. It must be an agonizingly long 4 minutes for him.
DeleteI'll bet he squirms if he ever watches Flashdance!
It definitely is a fast moving song. I bet Julie's hips are sore afterward.
DeleteFF: It is very humbling and she has become very proficient at it- I am always ready for it to end. It is punitive." It does seem like something that would take some practice, and maybe that is why it didn't appeal to us that much when we tried it years ago. It was just kind of awkward, which I assume might get better with practice.
DeleteIt’s a great workout for me! Really tones the legs and glutes. I quickly relube between plays.
DeleteYou play Maniac twice ?
DeleteDan - yep it was a bit awkward at first for us too the first time but surprisingly she liked how she looked with the harness and a bigger dick than mine in it - said it made her feel powerful. So she got something from that and then obviously having me at her mercy gave her a power boost too.
DeleteShe’s not a big person - so being able to look and feel powerful made the difference. Now she LOVES it. It’s only really happened once the kids were out of the house. So now she feels free and has embraced being in charge much more. It’s been a long journey - married over 35 years- it took time to get comfortable and a lot of conversations. FF
FF, good to know females also get Big Dick Energy. :-)
DeleteActually, it was three times once. The full 15 minute vigorous bum fuck! I worked up a real sweat, but him more!
DeleteI agree with Strict Julie she knows what a man deserves when he needs to be punished!!..Soreassboy
ReplyDeleteYup!
DeleteNot sure how I would feel about it. I just know that it's something she would never do. Just too far over the line for her.
ReplyDeleteProbably true for many other wives, too.
DeleteWe have been gone the last 8 weeks on a long RV trip. Lots of fun but I was not able to check in every week or really post. Looks like lots of good discussion lately.
ReplyDeleteWe use pegging with a medium dildo for fun sometimes, but usually she uses a large dildo specifically to show and establish dominance and remind me of my place in our FLM. She will show me the large dildo she has chosen and then make me hold it in my mouth while thrashing me and lecturing me on my sctions. It further reinforces her dominance. Then the pegging occurs. There is no "reach around" nor am I allowed to touch myself or orgasm. It is purely domination. She will ask me during the pegging who is in charge and when is she in charge. The answers being "her" and "all the time". If I am too slow to answer or don't sound sincere, the pegging gets harder. She usually orgasms while pegging me, but if not, Domino will have me pleasure her some other way after the pegging. In these sessions I am not allowed to orgasm to show she has total control. Frequency varies, but she tends to do it to me when I start getting bossy or snippy. So as long as I behave it doesn't happen much, but every four to five weeks is probably the norm.
"She usually orgasms while pegging me . . ."
DeleteI don't have a lot of experience in this area, but I wonder how typical that is? I would assume not very. Lucky Domino!
Her "pegging panties" have a pocket that holds a small vibrator against her clitoris. The harder she pegs me the more it pushes the vibrator against her.
DeleteI haven't heard of anything like that. You don't happen to have a link to a place to purchase them? Not that I think Anne and I are going there, but who knows what the future holds, right?
Deletehttps://fascinations.net/collections/harnesses-strap-ons/products/packer-gear-brief-harness
DeleteThis is one she uses, there are a couple to choose from.
Frankly, I would consider pegging abhorrent and would never consent to it. I asked my wife, who does not read here but knows I do, and she feels the same way. And she said with a laugh that spanking works just fine for us, with an occasional switching when she thinks that's needed.
ReplyDeleteI have spoken with my wife and this is our collective response.
ReplyDeleteAgain, I qualify this by saying that most of us (I assume) live in free countries, where people are free to subscribe to either viewpoint.
Pegging has never appealed to us personally, because F/M DD spanking was always about enhancing my masculinity and refining it, rather than doing things that blur the lines between genders. After a spanking has concluded, we tend to do things the "normal" way around, where I express my love for her, the offences having already been dealt with in full.
Regarding the later questions about how it would be done if, hypothetically speaking, it were to happen, I suppose it would follow the normal patterns for when my wife administers physical discipline on me, spanking or otherwise. I would express affection to her both before and after and she would administer the punishment calmly and rationally, knowing that she has the means available to deal with the offence. There are other physical punishment methods that she uses that I can discuss if and when they come up.
J.
I've been out of town for a few days so just now had a chance to sit down and reply to this topic.
ReplyDeleteFirst - I will add that Aunt Kay was also very strict in the the DWC private Yahoo group (that required a phone interview to join) about keeping the conversation focused on spanking and other domestic disciplines (corner time, grounding, writing sentences, etc).
She did not allow discussion of other "femdom" activities - or "sex talk" - in the group at all - period. For a while I assisted her with the moderation of the group and she was very clear in her direction to me that she would not allow such discussion on the group. To Alan's point, times have changed so if she were still alive and active today, it is possible (but perhaps not probable) that she would be more amenable to the discussion of other "bottom centered" discipline (enemas, pegging, plugs).
After we became a DWC couple with her administering regular disciplinary spankings, we were both fascinated by power exchange in general which led us to both researching Femdom beyond spanking. Chastity (and devices) held absolutely no appeal for either of us, and I have a hard line on bondage (not sure why - but I refuse to be tied up - although my wife would have been ok with doing so). My wife did very much like the idea of anal discipline, however - and although I was nervous about it - agreed that it would be an appropriate power exchange discipline to augment spanking.
So we purchased the equipment, and in those early days I got pegged quite regularly following my weekly maintenance spanking. While being pegged could be quite uncomfortable if performed with a large dildo in a forceful and prolonged manner, it was not truly painful in the same sense that a spanking is painful. It was more about a discipline of the mind - submission - a reminder that she was the boss when it came to keeping me in line. --al
I have the same reaction to chastity. There seemed to be enough overlap with DD among some of the people on the blog that at one point I did buy a device once. Tried it on once, threw it away, and never thought about doing it again.
DeleteAll in all, I suspect Kay was right to draw the lines she did. She was clearly trying to establish something that would appeal to range of couples and that focused on relationships. I think it's possible to do that and venture out a bit beyond spanking, but it does seem like as soon as you do get much beyond spanking, in comes the BDSM and Femdom crowd. There are going to be overlaps, and some have a bit of a foot in both camps. But, there IS a difference in the vibes, and I do think that the BDSM vibe would have turned off many of the DWC wives.
I will briefly add that I do still get pegged occasionally after my weekly maintenance spanking - a few times a year - as a reminder. --al
ReplyDeleteMy experience with pegging resonates with this. It has been mostly a “let's review and get clear who is really in charge here” rather than punishment (she has not used it after spanking), But it also sometimes brought on an intense intimacy.
DeleteThere is a sharp distinction most folks sense about penetration in sex. It embodies a dominant hierarchy. Whether this is simply cultural or rooted in evolutionary biology, I don’t know. But the act of penetration seems to denote dominance and submission feelings. It does confer feelings of intimacy but also submission, making me very eager to please her, not from fear of punishment but a powerful emotion nonetheless.
That feeling of submission is not limited to strap-on but comes with any assertive anal play, including dildos. One of my most vivid memories of this dynamic goes back to when we were experimenting. She had seen a picture of a large dildo glued or attached somehow to a stool.
She set one up and made me do my “corner time” impaled on it while sitting. (we did this a few times) When she released me from the stool, I remember feeling both excited sexually but also very relaxed and obedient.
Alan
Let me see if I can approach this numerically. DD, FLR, FemDom, TTWD are all great, but complicated by being a confluence of many different factors and aspects: sexual, psychological, sociological, emotional, physical, etc - sort of like the Mississippi River is a confluence of many other rivers. I score the relation between spanking/paddling (discipline) and pegging (dominance) like this:
DeleteDiscipline Dominance
Spanking/Paddling 90% 10%
Enema (& anal play) 50% 50%
Pegging 10% 90%
Opinions (and percentages) may vary, but his is just my 2 cents worth.
Carl H
Carl (and others), should you not also score an erotic element? I would say it is always present in over the knee spanking, especially in a lengthy one accompanied with scolding.
DeleteAgreed Alan. As well as dominance, I also see it as communicating love: the man expresses his love with penetration, which the woman receives.
DeleteJ.
A bit late to the party this week. A very busy week for us with family obligations as well as multiple functions going on at a time. I’m longing for a weekend of doing nothing. It seems as you get older, your obligations or responsibilities are much more in demand. My wife and I have done prostate simulation many a times. I will say that the orgasm is quite more intense than a normal one.
ReplyDeleteAs far as pegging, my wife has wanted to try it a few times years ago and was willing to, but we never got around to it.
We do have some toys that I’ve used during play with her. I agree that if it occurred it wouldn’t be for punishment but for play. I could see pegging being utilized in a full FLR with chastity. We are on the opposite side of the spectrum.
T
"It seems as you get older, your obligations or responsibilities are much more in demand." I always assumed that would change after retirement, yet it's amazing how often I still feel like my time isn't always my own. But, I'm also an introvert, so pretty much anything that involves an interruption of my chosen routine gets an initially negative reaction, even if I end up enjoying it.
DeleteOk…This thread on pegging has made a materiel difference in my FLR. My Wife is pretty much repulsed at the whole pegging thing while I am turned on by it and also put in my place by it….
ReplyDeleteI am in my 60’s and my wife is not far behind….I am an Extremely lucky man. My wife allows me 3 drinks a day, great sex (once a week) including oral for both of us….a brutal spanking after an oral review of my weekly behavior. The pegging thing is just a deal breaker for her…She does Not like it. I’m not going to throw away all that I have over pegging! I pledged to her deference and obedience in our FLR >>>Thoughts though? We had an argument about it….I am ready to toss the pegging stuff and take my punishment for pushing too much….Thoughts? I am really interested in thoughts from both men sub-missives and especially dominant ladies…
"The pegging thing is just a deal breaker for her…She does Not like it. I’m not going to throw away all that I have over pegging!"
DeleteI think you answered your own question.
This is an opportunity to show your commitment to DD and obedience to her. Take your punishment and accept where she is now. I know the power of pegging and why you feel you need it. But, at least for now, your wife has decided that she has other ideas. This is her prerogative, and you should obey and respect it. All may not be lost for you.
DeleteIf you graciously accept her decision, she may gradually open up to the possibilities of pegging. Apparently, many women have discovered they enjoy it, and time could bring about that for you.
Minds are quick to close and slow to open. But if you wait, they often do open.
Alan
She ought not knock it until she tries it. Many women (myself very much so) feel EXTREMELY empowered (beyond all rational explanation) doing it. Besides, it’s your desire to be pegged, and easy and painless for her to accommodate yu,, and if you clean yourself out properly, absolutely no mess. She ought to. Ask her to read my Advice for Wives column - https://strictjuliespanks.blogspot.com/p/advice-for-wives.html - it does not cover pegging, but covers the receptive mental attitude.
DeleteThanks to all! Great advice. Thank you Julie! I love your blog and all things Strict Julie. I would be very afraid to meet you in person…excited but Afraid!😂🖤
DeleteWell, time for my "two cents."
DeleteMy own wife is very "uninterested" in pegging, to say the least.
However, she is much more open to using her "command authority" to "force" me to peg myself win various ways. Ordering, and often watching me, use various "butt-plugs" and "realistic dildos" either punish or stimulate myself, according her mood.
We've practice some very long periods of orgasm denial, without cages (totally incompatible with riding a motorcycle). Such long periods obviously require "prostate milking," but without any possibility of orgasm. That can be quite "erotic, "challenging" and "punishing," all at the same time. She certainly seems to enjoy watching me, watching my suffering, that she controls through verbal commands, without her ever becoming physically involved; without any physical contact from her.
You own wife might find some of such activities interesting to command, control and/or observe. Who knows, any such interest might blossom into a desire to exercise more "direct control."
Everyone has to start somewhere. It's all a matter of various degrees, and slow progression.
Best of luck finding a "starting point" agreeable with your wife.
In the meantime, it sounds like definitely pushed too hard. Take your punishment, then and plan for a later, gentler attempt she might find interesting.
Donn…Thank you so much! I really appreciate your suggestion of backing off and trying to help her find her starting point. So far, she doesn’t really seem to get anything erotic from our FLR/DD. She is willing to spank me and has become quite good at it, with the goal of having a better husband. It has really worked too. I am so happy to have found this lifestyle….We used to argue and bicker a lot. We could go weeks or months without sex and a coldness between us. That is ALL gone now. Once a week we assess any issues…she takes action and when it’s over…it’s over. We make love and go about our day. If the pegging never happens…I’m good with that…who knows I might really hate a punishment pegging anyway. Sometimes you have to be careful what you ask for right? I never enjoy the spankings while it’s happening…mostly I wonder “why did I ever ask her to do this? This is terrible! Is she ever going to stop? OMG she’s picking up the pickle ball paddle again!” The time she did peg me it was to feel good not for punishment, and it did feel good, though I have a really difficult time achieving prostate orgasm even stimulating myself with devices designed to bring about prostate orgasm. I doubt anyone else could get it done for me. We’ll see what happens, but either way I still consider myself one of the luckiest men on the planet! My wife recognizes my need to be disciplined and is willing to take action to address that need in a very unconventional way. FLR with DD has also taken our sex life from some years single digits to at least once a week. I really am grateful to everyone for commenting and offering help. I have not talked to anyone live about this and it just feels good to interact with like minded men and women.
Delete"So far, she doesn’t really seem to get anything erotic from our FLR/DD."
DeleteIt's really hard to predict where that will go over time. As I said in the new post I put up last night, I strongly suspect Anne started getting off on it earlier than I thought. When we very first started, I think that like any pretty conventional person getting hit with something like that out of the blue, she thought it was weird. But, not so weird that she wouldn't do it. And, she did take to the spanking itself incredibly quickly, and with a surprising lack of empathy for the plight of my butt. Within a very short amount of time, and once we got a serious instrument like a fraternity-style paddle, some sessions would leave me *very* bruised but, almost from the very first time that happened, she seemed to see it as the natural result of my own choices. For a very long time, however, she claimed she didn't get any kind of sexual turn-on from it. After a few years, she admitted that she did get a sexual thrill from telling me I was going to be spanked, directing me to go ready, basically all the prelude to the spanking when she was giving orders and watching them be followed. But, she said the spanking itself didn't really excite her. Today, I am pretty sure it does, whether she fully admits it or not. It's odd, because she's not at all an uncommunicative person, but where DD is concerned, it's always been the case that I have to be proactive in asking her how she's feeling about it, and I often suspect I'm not getting the full story.
FYI, I think I'm going to post this as a comment on the new post too, since it does relate nicely to post-spanking communications.
For us, the amount of discussion after a spanking increased in the first couple of years. Even though my wife became comfortable giving me a hard spanking more quickly than I would have expected, she didn't like to talk about it. She knew I wanted to be disciplined and she was getting personal satisfaction out of it, but wasn't fully comfortable with our new roles. I was prepared to talk about it more than she was at that time.
ReplyDeletePre-spanking lectures came more naturally for her - no doubt because she was eager to express her displeasure with me. Gradually though, we continued the conversation after my punishment had been administered. I began by thanking her for the discipline and that led to more measured discussion on why it had been warranted. Neither of us would be capable of that before the spanking.
As forgiveness starts to set in, there can be a certain amount of cuddling right then, but Beth insists on no sex at that point. She's not that ready to forgive and wants no mixing of punishment and pleasure. I'm sure she also likes being in control. An erection will generate a rather curt response from her that I need to wait. We often treat it as makeup sex later that day or the next and both enjoy that immensely.
Kevin
"I began by thanking her for the discipline and that led to more measured discussion on why it had been warranted. Neither of us would be capable of that before the spanking."
DeleteI think that's kind of how our post-spanking discussions developed, too. It's been so long ago, it's hard to remember. But, I do think it started with me saying thank you, mainly as positive reinforcement to keep the dynamic going. That led me to actually asking her how the experience was for her, again as positive reinforcement and also to make sure we were on the same page and that I wasn't missing any negative thing that was coming up for her. It's odd in some ways. Somewhat stereotypically, in non-disciplinary spankings she can sometimes drive me nuts with the desire to talk about everything, but after a spanking I was, from the beginning, the chatty one.