Out For a Week

Hi all. I hope you're having a good weekend.  We're going to be hitting the road for a full week, maybe a bit more. 

So, I don't plan to post this weekend and probably not next weekend.  Perhaps I'll get around to something early in the week after we get back.  In the meantime, feel free to keep commenting on last week's topic or explore something else.

The Club - Meeting 453 - A Picture (or Video) is Worth a Thousand Words

“To succeed in life requires a total inability to do anything that makes you uncomfortable when you look at yourself in the mirror.” - Nassim Nicholas Taleb

 

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly meeting of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline relationships.

 

Before we get started, I would once again like to extend a specific invitation to any of our female readers, if they still exist, to move from “lurker” to “commenter” status. While I’ve always said the blog is open to both men and women, one of our commenters suggested I try to be more expressly inviting in order to get a little more female involvement. So, here’s another try.

 

I hope you all had a great week.  Ours was pretty uneventful, except that on the Domestic Discipline front, it kind of wasn’t.  We’ve been at this almost 20 years and, yet, sometimes some small thing happens that seems like a big change.  Or, at least it seems like it might become a big change if it became a regular practice.

 

It all started with a conversation about the lull we had gotten into where DD was concerned, which was partially the result of a back injury I sustained a few weeks ago.  I let her know that things were sufficiently better that nothing physical stood in the way of us trying to get back on track. 

 

I also screwed up my courage to finally just ask outright whether I was right in intuiting that she's been missing the DD action and that she seems to actually want to spank more often.  

 

Well, she admitted that's the case.  She said she's been particularly frustrated lately with my tendency to be snarky and sarcastic and that she recognizes that she needs to be much quicker to deal with those issues and to order a spanking as soon as they happen.

 

The problem is, we’ve had these discussions about her stepping up the level of consistency and being especially strict about disrespect (usually in the form of snarky or sarcastic comments) a hundred times before, but it never seems to happen.

 

Well, the very next day, right before dinner we were talking about a problem I've been having that's kind of like tennis elbow. She asked where the pain was after I'd already pointed to it (twice), and without thinking I let loose with something to the effect of, “The same place it was when I pointed to it the last two times.”  No sooner had the words left my mouth than she responded, "There you go with the snarky tone!  Just last night you said I shouldn't let you get away with that. So, guess what? After dinner, you're getting spanked."

 

It ended up being delayed until almost bedtime, and at one point I thought that maybe she actually had gotten wrapped up in something else and forgotten the whole thing.  That suspicion was reinforced when, about 15 minutes before our usual bedtime she changed into the nightgown she almost always sleeps in. Very functional and not at all designed for sexual titillation. And, she invariably spanks me fully clothed in whatever she happened to be wearing that day.

 

  

So, I was surprised when she told me it was time for the spanking.  But, in another departure from our normal routine, she decided to conduct it in one of our guestrooms instead of our bedroom because, of all things, one of our dogs was hanging out in our room and she decided she didn't want to kick him out.

 

Our bedroom has an ottoman we almost always use for spankings, while the guestroom isn't set up for such activities.  I preceded her into the room and started to close the window shade. She was following right behind me and, when she entered the room said emphatically, "What are you doing?  Why are you closing that?" I didn't say anything and, after a pause, she on her own it was better to close them, because the neighbors on that side of the house have teenage kids. 

As I’ve related before, several months ago she started leaving the shades open during some spankings. But, that was in our bedroom, where the windows face into our backyard and the nearest house is a good 75 yards away with trees in both yards. While not impossible, it’s not likely those neighbors could see into our bedroom and, even if they did, we don’t know them at all. The neighbors adjacent to our guestroom, however, are people we know pretty well, and their house is separated from ours only by two very narrow side yards. So, it is VERY possible that a spanking in the guestroom could be seen.  While she ultimately thought better of it, the fact that she initially was unconcerned about the prospect that someone might see (even if it was still somewhat unlikely, given that there weren’t lights on in their windows that face ours), seems like a big deal.

 

 

Having lowered the shades, she simply sat on the bed, motioned me to get over her legs, and got down to business.  The swats were hard, but she stopped after two or three minutes, which is maybe 1/3 of a normal spanking for us, and said, “Since it was a moderately snarky comment, I’ll let you go with a moderately long spanking. This time.”

 

That in itself is a new development, as Anne has always been very “binary” in her approach to spanking.  All are more or less equally long and hard, regardless of the offense.

 

A couple of nights later, I brought up the changes, telling her that somehow they added up to a spanking that felt both unusually "business-like" and, at the same time, unusually maternal.  She said that was exactly how it felt to her too, characterizing it as being like a mother who was tired of dealing with a mouthy teenager and, therefore, took matters in hand.  

 

  

I observed that part of the maternal vibe for me was her blasé attitude toward neighbors who know us observing, because it was so much like mothers when I was growing up.  They would very commonly take a misbehaving kid out of the room, deliver a spanking, then come back as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.  Or, they would deliver on the spot, not caring a whit who might see. There simply wasn’t any concern about anyone knowing a spanking was in progress. It might be embarrassing for the recipient, but from the disciplinarian's standpoint, it was no big deal.

She agreed it had that vibe, but added something to the effect of, "You could also think of it as a wife who has had enough of certain conduct and has decided she will do literally whatever it takes to make you decide it is in your best interest to stop. If that means the neighbors find out, maybe you'll find that sufficiently embarrassing to change your behavior.”

 

While where all this goes over time is unknown, it does seem like a spanking that was one of the mildest I’ve received in a while might be fairly momentous in terms of what it may portend.  Only time will tell.

 

Onward to an actual topic.  Last week, I provided a link to a spanking video Aunt Kay’s husband sent me that included a very strong “lecture” component, from a wife who seemed genuinely pissed off.  It led Alan to observe:

 

I have seen a couple of tapes from this couple before. It could, of course, be role-playing by an especially talented pair of amateurs. But I think not. What we see here instead is a couple in some sort of DD relationship involving spanking who have set up taping equipment in advance of offensive behavior, agreeing to film the real thing when it comes along. This scene and two or three f others produced by them resonate too deeply with my experiences to not be genuine.

 

One other point, for those who have not recorded discipline, is the surreal effect that is produced by watching yourself get a real spanking. My wife has no interest in recording, but my former girlfriend was interested in it, and we did a few pretty crude tapes.

 

Crude they were, but watching her in action and my response (both verbal and physical) was like the equivalent of having an out-of-body experience. I became the “third person” in the room, seeing it as if I was watching someone else get spanked rather than me. I suspect that the “third person” effect wears off if a couple does a lot of taping, but I don’t know for sure.

 

That led to a few comments around whether people had taken videos of a spanking, and it seemed few have. We have not, though I admit to a perverse curiosity about it.  I would like to see some of the mechanics, like exactly how hard is she swinging, and I’d also like to see the look on her face. Though, I think I’m most interested in seeing my own reactions.  I suspect it would have that “third person” quality Alan references, though I have no way of knowing.

 

 

So, my first topic is really just a continuation of the comments from last week: Have you ever taken a video of you taking or, for the wives, administering a spanking? If so, what was that like?

 

The discussion of the spanking video also led to a topic suggestion from Alan:

 

Re filming a session: It might be interesting if Dan selected a spanking video like the one noted in the introduction (i.e., plausibly real) -and then offered commentators a chance to comment on how much it resembled their typical spanking, in what way, how it did, how it didn’t, etc. Alternately, a series of similarly plausible spankings could be linked, and commentators invited to choose their favorite or most typical one or the one coming closer to their typical experience and why and how. In this way, folks might learn a lot both about what is “normal” for others and what is ideal. What made me think about this is that talking some this week about the spanking Tomy cited made me realize I don’t really have a good sense of what others experience, and I have some pretty strong ideas as to what constitutes a “ real and effective” spanking for me. We all could learn from that.

I like the idea, though doing it justice is going to require some real participation from the group, including providing some of their own clips.  And, let’s not limit it just to “plausibly real” videos, since the reality is almost all the content out there is stage in one way or another. Instead, I would ask commenters to provide videos that reflect either of the following:

 ·     a spanking that is close to what you receive in terms of severity, duration, etc.

·       a spanking that may deviate significantly from what you receive but that reflects your “ideal” or something you genuinely want to experience.

 

As Alan suggested, let’s get into specifics about what is similar to what you receive (or want) and what isn’t, since it’s probably the case that no video is going to perfectly match what you do or desire.

 

I can kick it off and will provide a few clips.

 

I’ll start off with the spanking clip from Aunt Kay’s husband.  This one actually does have some similarities to one of our “typical” spankings.  The duration is probably close to ours, and the position is somewhat similar, except Anne never locks my leg down with hers.  Where it differs is:

 

·      Anne never gives hand spankings.

·      I am always completely naked.

·      While Anne has started lecturing more during the spanking, this video has WAY more of it.  Anne’s lecturing tends to be during very short breaks in the action and, overall, it’s a much more limited part of the experience.

·      Anne’s go-to instrument these days is the bath brush, which would have resulted, I think, in a harsher spanking than this depicts.

 

This next video is one of several I’ve seen from this spanker, and it depicts something pretty close to our actual spankings. While clearly staged, I think this woman’s spankings often have a very realistic feel. It feels very close to ours in terms of duration (around five or six minutes of actual spanking time) and severity. She cycles through three instruments, while these days Anne uses two and sometimes three. The instruments she uses are themselves pretty similar to the ones Anne would use. The primary areas where it differs are:

 

·      Obviously, the recipient is female, but my focus in watching it is generally on the spanker, not so much the spankee.

·      The recipient is way more verbal than I am during a spanking. I exclaim a lot (grunting and gasping, mostly) but not that amount of verbalizing and emoting.

·      The spanker’s pace is very quick.  Anne’s is more deliberate, usually with a second or two between each swat. I admit to being a little curious about how a “fast and furious” approach like this one would feel.

·      The spanker emphasizes caring for the spankee and they hug at the end. This is purely my thing, but I would find that very off-putting during a spanking.  It works best for me when Anne’s words and demeanor emphasize that I am there to be spanked and hard, and I don’t need or want after-care.

 

This last one (actually, more than one) is a compilation from a commercially-oriented service and, thus, the scenes are obviously staged.  My focus is mainly on her bath brush scenes. She clearly is laying into him hard, especially in the one near the end of the compilation. 

 

This clip from the same source includes an acted scene that includes a fake lecture, but she is very upfront that it’s a scene and not reality, so I’m not focusing at all on plausibility.  What I find notable about this one is the very strict tone and the way a simple hairbrush becomes a very effective instrument in her hand.

 

The reason I included the clips of this particular woman’s spankings is, while her spankings are maybe harsher than Anne’s, it’s a matter of degree not kind.  Her swats seem somewhat harder than Anne’s, though it’s not a night and day difference, with the caveat that her clips of paddlings (here is a teaser) do seem quite a bit harder than what Anne delivered back when she used a fraternity-style paddle.  (She hasn’t done a stand-up session with one in a long time.)  I would characterize this woman’s spankings not so much as something I “want” Anne to match in terms of severity and very strict tone, but they are at a level I would like her to feel prepared to go to if she thought it were necessary. 

 

So, forward those favorite clips guys (and gals) and let us know how they do and don’t reflect the punishments you receive or maybe aspire to experience. And, of course, feel free to comment on my clips.

The Club - Meeting 452 - How and When do You Know You're Going to Get Spanked?

“I think on some level, you do your best things when you're a little off-balance, a little scared. You've got to work from mystery, from wonder, from not knowing.” - Willem Dafoe

 

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly meeting of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline relationships.

 

I hope you all had a great week. Mine was pretty sedate, which was actually very nice.  Sometimes it’s great just having time at home without much to do.

 

 

As a preliminary matter, I wanted to specifically invite any Disciplinary Wives, or women who are interested in this topic even if they haven’t crossed the actual DD threshold yet, to join in on our conversation here. A few weeks ago, someone suggested that I make the questions less male-centered, and also less centered on people who are actually in the lifestyle versus those who may be very interested in it, but that interest is largely aspirational at this point.  I will try to be more open in the way topics are described, though it is, in fact, kind of awkward structuring questions for women to answer when we have no women participating at the moment. It’s a real “chicken and the egg” problem.  Anyway, there have been times in the blog’s history when we had several female commenters, and I hope that no female readers have felt excluded.  You are, in fact, very welcome. (Though, if you’re a man pretending to be a woman, I promise you will be sniffed out at some point.  It always happens. . . .)

 

I get the sense some of our regulars are distracted with the usual end-of-summer stuff, but we did have several people weigh in on the subject of “warnings.”  It doesn’t seem like any clear pattern emerged.  Some of the wives seem to be very into warnings and some go right to the spanking.  Though, it does seem to be one of those “verbal strictness” things that so many of us seem to crave.

 

[Speaking of wives who are very verbal, Aunt Kay’s husband sent me this video recently.  The wife’s continuing lecture throughout a six-minute spanking was quite impressive.  It certainly would have kept my attention.] 

 

Of all the comments, the one that resonated the most with me was this one from T:

 

My wife’s great line is “You’re cruising for a bruising.” That way it’s just us that knows what she means. Anytime we are around others, they think it’s a joke. We were at a dinner party and I said something that I perceived was funny. My wife did not find it funny and gave me that look. The next morning when we were leaving, she said in my ear, that when we get home, “I’m beating your ass but good.” She followed through and gave me a serious thrashing. I won’t be sitting comfortably for a few days. We are empty nesters now, so warnings are not necessary. It’s usually, go upstairs and bend over. I’m gonna thrash the hell out of that bottom. I usually just get the look or the line above. I love the maternal aspect and scolding while delivering the thrashing. She usually scolds how immature I am when delivering the spanking and that I need to grow up. I also knew I was in for it, as she was very quiet in the car ride home.

 

I love that “cruising for a bruising” line, because it is so literal when used on a disciplined husband, yet so seemingly innocent and innocuous when spoken in front of others.  A few times over the years, I’ve also experienced things like her announcement that “I’m beating your ass but good.”  It hasn’t been all that common, but it has happened, and that time between the pronouncement and when we get home, with my anticipation running at fever pitch, is unbelievably uncomfortable.  I also totally get what T. means by, “I also knew I was in for it, as she was very quiet in the car ride home.”

 

This week’s topic is pretty closely related to warnings, to the point that I almost combined the two last week.  Yet, it’s so damn hard to come up with new topics regularly, it’s really against my own self-interest to combine two. 

 

So, this week’s topic comes from a suggestion Norton made a few weeks ago:

 

Dan, another topic for later might be "when do you know you are in for a spanking and does she always let you know immediately?" Many of you seem pretty clear about that, but I often get "the look" or a vague word of disapproval and wonder if I crossed the line. The need for clarity probably stems from a chaotic childhood where I never knew what to expect.

 

While somewhat similar to warnings, I think Norton’s suggestion is, in fact, a distinct topic.  To me, a warning implies that, if it is heeded, punishment may be avoided.  Norton’s topic, on the other hand, seems to entail situations in which she has already made the decision that a spanking is going to happen. It’s just a matter of when and how she lets you know about it.

 

 

Does Anne always let me know immediately that I am in for a spanking?  No.  But, it’s pretty seldom that there is a substantial delay or that it comes as a big surprise.

 

In fact, if anything, I’m surprised when I’ve done something that I think probably merits a spanking, but she doesn’t bring it up.  That happens fairly regularly, and I’m never quite sure whether she didn’t think it was a big enough deal to merit a spanking or just got busy and forgot about it. 

 

There have been a few times—very few—when she announced a spanking and I really had not seen it coming. Those tended to be things like failing to do some bit of housework repeatedly or for a long time and, at some point, she clearly lost patience or had simply had enough.

 

The fact that there have been so few surprises—and so many instances in which we both know one has been fully earned—probably is a testament to her innate fairness.

 

When uncertainty about whether I will be punished for something does creep in, it tends to be situations in which she has already pronounced a spanking but, because she’s not always consistent in carrying through, I have good reason to doubt whether it actually will happen.  In that case, I may spend a day or more in the state of uncertainty Norton describes though, in my case, I know that a line was crossed; I’m just not sure whether there will be an actual consequence for that line-crossing.

 

In terms of how she communicates a spanking is coming, it’s often verbal.  But, she also tends to text her unhappiness with something I’ve done, and the text usually includes a very direct statement that I will be spanked for it.

 

Back when I was working, after announcing that a punishment was going to happen that night, she often would do some kind of follow-up communication by text or telephone, teasing that she hoped I was enjoying sitting, because I wouldn’t be able to after I got home.

 

One form of communicating that a spanking is imminent that Anne has not done but that really intrigues me is simply leaving an implement in plain sight.  

 

When I see pictures of an instrument displayed in such a way that it is clearly meant to send a message, it gets an immediate reaction.  But, as I said, it’s not something Anne has actually done.  It’s probably a holdover from when we had kids around.  As I’ve related here a few times, these days she does leave a bath brush and heavy hairbrush on prominent display in our bathroom, but because they are always on display they don’t serve as a communication that a spanking is coming; more like an ongoing reminder of the disciplinary relationship itself.

 

 

How about you? For the disciplinarians, do you let him know immediately that he is in for a spanking, or do you sometimes sit on it for awhile then take him by surprise?

 

For the disciplined husbands, do you usually know immediately that you are in for one, and how is that communicated? Are you satisfied with the way the communications take place or, like Norton, would you crave more clarity? Has she ever taken you completely by surprise? 

I hope you have a great week.

The Club - Meeting 451 - Warnings and Threats in Domestic Discipline

“In spite of warnings, change rarely occurs until the status quo becomes more painful than change.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

 Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly meeting of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline relationships.

 

I hope you all had a great week and, for those of you in the U.S., are enjoying the first day of a three-day weekend.  Just don’t let that extra day of freedom lead to consequences you’ll regret later!

 

 

For me, it was a pretty good week, all things considered. No existential crises related to aging, health, resilience, confronting challenges, etc.  In fact, I feel like maybe those couple of rough weeks, when I came to doubt my mental and physical toughness, were part of a “bottoming” process I needed to go through to get past a “flat spot” in this little post-retirement journey I’m on.  In any event, it was a fairly drama-free week, where I made some strides toward getting back to some healthier habits, and that’s all good.

 

 

We had some good observations last week on what was admittedly a pretty narrow topic.  It seems fair to say that while some have experimented with using Domestic Discipline as something akin to personal “coaching,” it’s not that prevalent.  I gravitated personally to the way MW described his and his wife’s respective mindsets and how it plays out in the DD aspects of their relationship:

 

The thing about these goals is that while she agrees the benefits (as I describe them) are important, she will never be as opinionated as me about the best way to do them. She is obviously not an experienced coach who has taken other men to their potential. She just wants a healthy husband who is pleased with how he spends his time. The details of that and the taste for excellence have to come from me. So while those goals help me stay the course I've set and scratch an itch to be brought into line with spanking, they aren't really led by her, nor can be right now.

 

By contrast, and like other commenters often mention, she has a keen sense of when my character is hurting others or when I'm unhelpful in her domains of expertise, especially around the home. when she brings up these things, she is confident about judging what I should be doing, and understands the consequences of my misbehavior better than I do. Submitting to those kinds of spankings puts me under her leadership.

 

ZM is one of the few who has implemented such a set of goals systematically, so his feedback on how it worked is especially enlightening:

 

At the same time, I did struggle with this quite a bit along the way, even as I was the one promoting it. I think this is largely because DD when used in this way seems to lack the "punch" of when it is used to punish bad behaviors. Somehow, the whole being momentarily reduced to being a "bad little boy," as would happen when misbehavior is punished, really pushes my buttons a lot more, so these weekly check-ins didn't play much to my punishment fantasy/fetish/whatever it is.

 

Also, I think it was really hard because even though I LOVED my wife exercising authority in this way and me being subject to her control, I also kind of hated that I lacked the self-discipline to make these improvements on my own.

 

It’s a good point about how very utilitarian spanking scenarios might not scratch our erotic itch, precisely because they are so utilitarian.  But, as I replied to ZM, something I've struggled with this year is accepting that the scoldings and punishments that LEAST play to the erotic part of my DD drive probably are the most effective when it comes to actual results. 

 

It's the hard thing about a wife taking up authority for real. Once things are left to her discretion, who knows how she will decide to use it?  Deep down inside, we think/hope/wish our wives will use that authority in the ways--and only the ways--we want, but that may not be the way it turns out.  At all.  

 

  

On to this week's topic. A few weeks ago, someone (the comment was anonymous, but I suspect it was one of our regulars who forgot to leave a name) suggested the following:

 

Dan, something I am curious about is the role of warnings and spanking threats in DD relationships. My wife threatens spankings more often than she actually gives them. I guess that’s because she has found that just threatening or warning me has the effect that she desires, so she doesn’t have to follow through. I haven’t seen much discussion from other guys about warnings and threats, so I wonder whether that is a unique feature of DD at our house. Maybe I am more responsive to threats than most guys?

 

As a preliminary matter, one thing I like about this topic is it gives me an excuse to use this drawing, which seems to depict a school headmaster “warning” or “threatening” a group of incoming girls about what may be in store for them. 

 

 

The looks on their faces are so intriguing, ranging from fear and intimidation to various forms of fascination, whether positive or negative.  When I viewed it again before this posting, it also occurred to me that in girls’ boarding schools, the senior girls often had responsibility for disciplining younger girls. So, those who seem intrigued might also be pondering the possibility of giving canings.  Anyway, I thought it was a very compelling drawing, much more so than your typical spanking art.

 

This isn’t the first time we’ve talked about “warnings” and “threats,” though it has been a couple of years. 

 

At that time, Aunt Kay’s husband talked about her system for warning him about public behavior:

 

“Indeed, those "warnings" had become very effective for me too. Often she would, if we were in public settings, subtly make a gesture on her palm indicating "that's one." It was her counting to "three," which was a definite point of no return. I didn't make a game of her getting to "two". But if she did I was very vigilant to avoid "three."

 

Anne has done that a few times, but it’s taken more of the form of a pointed glance than a verbal warning or sign language.

 

In fact, warnings really haven’t played a big role for us, unless you count times when she seems to order a spanking but it doesn’t actually happen.  Just a couple of weeks ago, she found the damn garage good open again, said I would be getting a spanking for it, then it didn’t actually happen.  I don’t really see those as “warnings” or “threats” as those terms are properly understood, even if they may have a similar impact in terms of bringing me up short and reminding me of possible consequences.

 

Personally, while I know I wouldn’t like it at the time, I would welcome Anne being more aggressive and proactive with warnings and threats.  Clearly, there are times when my behavior is trending in a bad direction, and a timely warning might nip that in the bud.  

 

 So, what role do threats and warnings play in your DD relationship?

 

Are they something the wife uses commonly?  If not, do you wish that were a bigger part of your dynamic?

 

Do they happen more often in private or in public?

 

If in public, does she use some kind of sign or signal, or is there a direct, verbal communication involved?   

 

Has she ever given you a warning that has been overheard by others? Was the warning obvious enough that others would understand exactly what was going to happen to you if you didn't come into line?

 

For any wives who are lurking but would like to participate, do you commonly issue warnings or threats before resorting to an actual spanking?  If so, is it one warning then on to the spanking, or do you have a longer fuse than that?  

 

 

Do you find the use of warnings and threats empowering or confidence-building? Are there different or more severe consequences for him ignoring a warning? 

 

 

By the way everybody, when I provide a subset of specific questions for a topic, I’m not suggesting that people address each of those questions or stick to only those questions.  The questions are only meant to stimulate ideas for how you want to address the topic. I mention that because it sometimes seems people treating the questions like a written quiz.

 

Have a great week.