Tuesday, December 21, 2021

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays 2021

Christmas is a season not only of rejoicing but of reflection. - Winston Churchill

Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club.  Our (mostly)m weekly on-line gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.  I hope you all had a great week.

Thanks for joining me for what is likely to be the final post of 2021, as we’ll be traveling and spending time with family through the first week of the new year.

 

I don’t quite know how to describe this year and whether to label it “good” or “bad.” We all probably hoped to put 2020 in the rearview mirror but, unfortunately, 2021 brought us more of the worst from 2020 including pandemic deaths and disruption, political dysfunction and divisiveness, and here where I live our warm, brown, snow-free Christmas seems to portend the arrival of climate change that even the former skeptics are having a hard time denying. Yet, despite the challenges things seemed at least a little more normal.  While things never got exactly “good,” at least it wasn’t things getting progressively worse continuously throughout the year.  If 2020 was a long, slow downward grind, 2021 felt like a bad habit you’ve gotten into and can’t quite muster the energy discipline to break just yet.

 

My personal life in 2021 reflected some of the “stuckness” of 2020’s continuing influence. I finally quit a career that had seemed more or less toxic for the last few years, yet I haven’t really replaced it with anything yet. I keep thinking some new hobby or compelling interest will present itself, but so far it’s been a lot of book reading and Netflix binging.  Though, maybe that’s a phase I have to go through before getting on to something different and better.  Though, the last few months have reinforced to me that inertia is a powerful force and that things can and will just drift along absent a deliberate, focused application of energy in some different direction.  Thankfully, our wives are fully capable of deliberate, focused application of energy.


I’ve also discovered that stepping away from a career while the other spouse is still working is a mixed bag.  I have more time on my hands and am no longer feeling chronically stressed. However, a lot of that newly discovered free time is spent doing the chores and errands that we used to split a bit more equitably (though, I suspect Anne’s view is it was split inequitably before, just in the opposite direction).  But, again, maybe that is a phase—and a form of humbling—that I need to go through before moving on to something better.   

Early in 2021, I’ll probably go through my usual process of goal setting and resolution making, and more of it than usual may revolve around humbling and discipline.  We really have no excuse for not exploring that more deeply and diligently given our empty nester status, and through a lot 2022 we both will be more or less retired (unless some new job-like interest does arise for me), and then there really will be no excuse for not shoving through and past some of the inertia.

 

Still, as I said at the end of last year, I can give thanks for a few simple things.  We didn’t lose any immediate or close extended family members or close friends this year, though I did lose a couple of people who were big influences on me in high school and college.  Most of our family and friends are in pretty good health, though one extended family member did have a very bad health event.  And, while I honestly missed some of the hustle and bustle of business travel and the office environment, my better office friendships remained intact, and my health is sooooooo much better now that I’m not living on airplanes. 

 

In fact, while I probably deserved to be spanked more often than I was in 2021, the fact is I am leaving it in much better physical and emotional health than has been the case in several years.  After literally hobbling my way through 2019 and 2020, this year I was out climbing very tall mountains, getting one of my motorcycles out into some very challenging dirt riding, and I was no longer on a first name basis with the bartenders in airport lounges on both sides of the continent.  So, while far from perfect, all in all there was some forward momentum.

 

 

One down note for 2021 is the blog has been more than a little stagnant, and I need to think about what can be done, if anything, about that it 2022.  Yet, I’ve also once again deepened a few friendships that began here and that I think would survive even if the blog were to stop entirely.

So, as I said last year, as we all run around buying those last-minute gifts, let's think a little about what a blessing it is to have people in our lives to buy those gifts for. Maybe try to do something nice for a friend, family member or stranger who may not be as lucky. 

Until next year, I hope you all have a restful, peaceful, fulfilling holiday season.  

 


 

41 comments:

  1. Seasons greetings to you and yours Dan from the other side of the pond where a distinct case of deja vu is setting in as 2021 staggers to a close.

    p
    x

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    1. It really is feeling that way, isn't it?

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    2. Buck up guys; there is light at the end of the tunnel -and the light is getting brighter and the tunnel shorter. By next Christmas we will have a whole new set of things to worry about
      Alan

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    3. Alan, hopefully you're right, and you probably are w/r/t Covid. In the parts of the world that have been dealing with Omicron for a while, it has led to a surge in cases but not really in hospitalizations or death. Maybe this is the virus morphing into a much less lethal strain. If that's the case, the surge in cases could, paradoxically be a good thing if this becomes the dominant strain and out competes the more virulent forms. Fingers crossed.

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  2. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, Dan! I hope you have a great time with your family. I, probably more than most bloggers,know the struggle to keep content fresh and flowing. It's a constant struggle. My wife and I each write every day. You are a frequent inspiration to me. y suggestion is to widen your view. After all, there is only so much you can write on dd and spanking. DD permeates my marriage and affects it far beyond the punishments. I'll bet yours does too.

    I love the comments on your blog! The readers here are great!

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    1. HI Dan,
      Picking up on Lions noting the difficulty of producing fresh material: consider devoting a weekly topic in the new year to suggested topics from Blog readers. Such a list , if typical of "brainstorming" will produce a lot of topics that are non-starters. But there will be some treasures too if people participate. You have been truly prolific in choosing and developing great topics over the years. But like all good intellectual efforts, another set of eyeballs might come up with some intriguing material
      Merry Christmas
      Alan

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    2. Thanks, Alan. I have done that in the past, and it did sometimes produce some interesting topics. I'll queue that up for the new year. I've also played with just getting away from the topic-based format, though I always seem to drift back to it.

      Merry Christmas!

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    3. Hi CL. Thanks for the suggestion. I have thought about widening the kind of things talked about on the blog, and that has some appeal. But, I also worry about then watering it down to the point that it doesn't have much focus. It seems like some of the blogs that take that approach--talking a little about spanking but also about all other sorts of things--don't do so well at attracting or maintaining commenters. But, I'll think about it more.

      I hope you and Mrs. CL have a happy holiday season!

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    4. Wishing you all a happy 2022!

      I love the focus of this blog. Curious what you end up having in store for us. Glad you've been able to deepen friendships from it. You're in a lucky position to be able to do so. It pains me that there are probably similar people somewhere in my neighborhood but connecting is effectively impossible.

      For me, the year was a mixed bag, especially professionally, but in the spanking department, we had a few breakthroughs understanding each other and building up the courage of both of us, and that's most important since it should turn into motivated gains in the professional department.

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    5. Hi Dan,
      Merry Christmas (belated) and happy New Year! I hope that this coming year will be better for all of us and for the world in general, since 2021 mostly just was an extension of the suckiness of 2020!

      Regarding topics, I agree that brainstorming here might yield a lot of topics, but I think that is only half the battle since you need to find topics that resonate with you at the moment. Coming up with topic ideas is relatively easy; several times over the years I have written quick lists of the first topics that come to mind and usually end up with 10 or 20 or so. Finding topics that resonate with you at a particular time is probably harder.

      One way to deal with that is to just pick topics that seem kind of interesting, and if they happen to resonate with you, then write your typical posting complete with current thoughts on the topic, experiences, and fitting pictures and quotes. If, on the other hand, a topic seems potentially interesting but you don't have all that many thoughts on it at that time, maybe just throw the topic out there without too much framing, and kind of see where it goes and maybe you will have thoughts about it as the conversation develops. That would also save you a lot of work on weeks that you don't really have time for a proper blog posting, and would still keep some forward momentum in the blog.

      As far as widening the subject matter, you of course can do so, since after all it is your blog. However, I think that the tightness of focus that you maintain on "men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship" is one of the things that makes this blog unique and sets it apart from (and above in many cases) the many other blogs out there.

      Finally, maybe this sounds fatalistic, but perhaps when it comes to the whole matter of finding fresh topics for each week, maybe it doesn't really even matter much. How often do you craft a beautiful, well thought out masterpiece of a blog posting only to have nobody comment on anything that you wrote? I know I far too often read what you have written and then never even comment on anything you wrote. And I expect that at least 50% of the weeks, the conversations end up drifting far off the original topic, or at the very least into one tiny subset or offshoot of the topic. These conversations seem to have a life of their own...

      Anyway, I wanted to say a big THANK YOU for all the hard work you put into the blog! This blog has been and continues to be the best resource I have encountered for navigating the realities of DD relationships, and I not only have learned a lot here, but I also genuinely enjoy the time spent here interacting with others.

      -ZM

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    6. “How often do you craft a beautiful, well thought out masterpiece of a blog posting only to have nobody comment on anything that you wrote? ... at least 50% of the ... conversations end up drifting far off the original topic, ... to have a life of their own...”

      I do agree with this and –speaking as someone who has done a bit of moderating from time to time) I also can sympathize with some frustration from seeing a well-aimed missile seem to miss the mark.

      But what really happens sometimes is that a stimulating topic stimulates still other topics so that a dialogue can veer into some very rich material previously inarticulated or even conscious. A good moderator (and Dan is a good moderator) often lets the conversation find its own way with a gentle push here and there.

      So “the beautiful well thought out masterpiece” is really neither lost nor ignored.And has probably been the catalyst for some of our best conversations.
      Alan

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    7. Hi Alan,
      I agree that Dan is a great moderator, and even more so that a stimulating topic stimulates still other topics, so as such no posting is ever really wasted. It is Dan's skill as a moderator that helps these conversations lead to something productive, even when we veer far from the chosen topic. Considering his ability to guide conversations, it may not be all that important to have the perfect topic every week; as long as conversation keeps going, it is likely to yield some good insights.

      -ZM

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    8. Note: all that was not to say that good topics aren't important or beneficial since they certainly are, but rather just that I don't think it should be a source of stress if on occasional weeks nothing is really resonating, since you can never really know which topics will result in some great conversation, even if it might be a little off topic.

      -ZM

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    9. Reflecting on the notion of staying on topic, I sense that our female commenters week after week and subject after subject are much better at staying focused and speaking to the topic being addressed. Could it be that women are more self-disciplined than men??? Maybe someone should do something about that. Just a thought …
      Alan

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    10. There is definitely a lot of merit with your suggestion that women are more focused than men! What were you proposing someone do about that Alan? Punishments if we stray from the topic being addressed?

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    11. Hugh said:” women are more focused than men {what do you propose doing} about that”
      Hugh, I don’t know but it seems quite a problem. After all you can’t just spank them like naughty boys, can you?
      Alan

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    12. "Reflecting on the notion of staying on topic, I sense that our female commenters week after week and subject after subject are much better at staying focused and speaking to the topic being addressed. Could it be that women are more self-disciplined than men???" - It is possible, though considering some of the women I have known over the years I would be hesitant to make a blanket statement that women are more self-disciplined than men.

      I do think that child-rearing and other responsibilities that often rest more heavily on women due to societal pressure and expectations result in many (but certainly not all) women becoming increasingly responsible and self disciplined during their adult years. I think that with age most men also become more responsible and self-disciplined, but perhaps often this starts later and progresses at a slower rate than for women. But these are generalities, so obviously there are some women who are much less self-disciplined than some men, and vice versa.

      In female led DD relationships, I wonder:
      - If the woman is usually more self-disciplined than the man?
      - If the man is less self-disciplined than average (compared to other men)?
      - If the woman is more self-disciplined than average (compared to other women)?

      Perhaps less self-disciplined men, or at least those who desire DD, might be more attracted to more self-disciplined and responsible (and for that matter powerful) women. If that were the case, considering the dynamics of this group and the natural self-selecting that takes place, it is entirely possible that women participating in this group might be more self-disciplined than men who are part of this group.

      One other possible contributing factor that could cause women to stay more on topic here - if that is indeed the case - is that of fantasy. It has been reasonably well established that usually DD is instigated and promoted by the one who wants/needs to be punished, though the other partner might indeed determine how quickly and how far it goes. And almost always - at least in female-led DD - the discipline recipient is the one with the fantasy. Some wives are not only willing to become disciplinarians, but even become enthusiastic about their newfound role and power. My wife fits squarely in that category; she talks about DD at least as much as I do, and the whole thing turns her on. However, even though she gets turned on by being the disciplinarian, it is still much more my fantasy than hers. Also, I have had most of a lifetime to think about it, whereas it is still quite new to her.

      The fact that usually female-led DD and FLR are almost entirely driven by the fantasies of men not only means that we get a lot more male posters here but it also affects how well men stay on topic. Whether the topic is whether it hurts more to be spanked while wearing tights than bare, how you feel in the time leading up to a spanking, or about how short the days are in the winter, I - driven by my many fantasies - am likely to find some way to link that to witnesses, tears, or the several other topics that are never very far from the forefront of my thoughts!

      -ZM

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  3. Merry Christmas, All! Alan - just a quick note to let you know that I will respond later to the thought you posed on Dan's last post. It's an interesting point - and I do have an comment or two to suggest. But, I did see it - just have not had time to write, but will reply sometime in the next few days. --al

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  4. Dan, Alan,
    "You have been truly prolific in choosing and developing great topics over the years."

    I agree with Alan. You have presented many great topics. I think there is always a risk of getting some suggested topics that are not in line with the intended purpose of the blog, if you were to solicit suggested input, but those topics could be merely ignored. One topic suggestion can lead to other suggestions that are more workable or attractive.

    Happy New Year all...
    Carol H.

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  5. Joe2 here,

    My comment is about the image concerning the Christmas Carol. I always find these comparisons as dishonest. The Christmas Carol was set in the 1840s- the beginnings of the Industrial Revolution. Everything was handmade, so everything was very expensive. All of your clothes and shoes were handmade, even the cloth was hand woven. You were well off if you had three sets of clothes and two pair of shoes. Your food could not be preserved, so it was common to have to eat spoiled food. Forget about buying vegetables in the January. No running water, light was by a handmade candle, etc… The work week was usually 12 hours a day six days a week. A modern lower middle-class family live better than a very prosperous family in the 1840s. If I want the temperature in my home to be 65 F in the summer, all it takes is to turn a dial and wait 10 minutes. The very rich couldn’t do that before WWI. And medical care- they used to die of injuries and diseases that only take a quick visit to the doctor’s office today.

    Lastly, minimum wage jobs are supposed to be starter jobs. You are expected to get the skills to move up. I’ll give you an example. I had an acquaintance that started as a cashier at a fast-food restaurant. Due to diligence and initiative, he went to be the cook. Within two years he was the promoted to an assistant manager position. He took evening community college classes and later became a manager. He now owns several franchises and does extremely well. Oh yes, he has never worked 40 hours a week- 50 to 60 is the norm. I tell my kids, “I am certain the there are very successful people that only work 40 hours per week. I just have never met them.”

    Thanks for letting me go off topic.

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  6. A GOOD EXAMPLE
    I have to share this as an example of why in an established disciplinary relationship a wife doesn’t need to spank that often to get the results she wants

    Her mother is staying with us for a few days. She has known that her daughter spanks me almost from the beginning but it’s never actually been discussed in my presence.

    For Christmas I received a much lusted for pair of boots and to keep them mud free have been washing them in the laundry tub without cleaning the tub afterward. Honestly I had not realized I was leaving the tub a disaster area but I was.

    But I guarantee I won’t be doing it again and not because I got a spanking for it.

    What my wife did instead at breakfast this morning without warning and with her mother in the kitchen: calmly and without raising her voice she told me that if she found the laundry sink in that condition again, she would take my pants down and I would clean it while bare bum to her satisfaction – and then I would be spanked.

    That was it. No angry threats, no yelling, and quick results. The sink is now pristine. She didn’t need to spank me and yes I was and still am embarrassed that her mother heard it , but actually almost as embarrassed that she felt it necessary to correct me in that way.

    But this is the way I like to think that most DD relationships work rather than the fantasy image that a wife spends half her time paddling a naughty husbands behind.

    I am really proud of her and the way she handled what could have been a nasty exchange and hard feelings. And she liked the way I responded to the correction and I won't be surprised if we end up tonight in bed "discussing" that
    Alan

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  7. Alan,
    "But this is the way I like to think that most DD relationships work rather than the fantasy image that a wife spends half her time paddling a naughty husbands behind."

    Happy New Year Alan. That's what I like about giving my husband alternate punishment, or warning him when he's on thin ice. I shouldn't be constantly spanking him. And my hubby has a spanking fetish anyway. Punishment needs to be effective. I've gotten my way or corrected my hubby simply by warning him that he'll be grounded or prohibited from doing something. His mouth gets him in trouble often. Writing lines sounds like it's the type pf punishment they gave out in school. Giving a grown man an assignment to write "I will not raise my voice to my dominant wife" 500 times or more times stops being kink and becomes a chore, especially if I threaten to make him do it when he would like to be doing something else.
    Regards,
    Carol H

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    1. Carol wrote: “Writing lines sounds like it's the type (of) punishment they gave out in school. Giving a grown man an assignment to write "I will not raise my voice to my dominant wife" 500 times or more times stops being kink …”

      I must agree –but why do you want to stop the kink if you are getting what you want with the kink. Kink after all is part of most DD relationships, maybe particularly F/M relationships.

      If the line writing is eroticized -- as Danielle has described that process -- it could be a win - win for each partner. But if the kink is really removed you also are removing his motivation to obey you and submit to your discipline, something neither of you probably want to lose.

      If you really want to remove the kink from spanking, then spank him immediately after he has orgasmed. Just for the record that is not something I am really recommending although apparently some couples use it. But if stopping the kink is your objective that will do it

      I do get it why some disciplinarians want alternative punishments available. There are times when spanking just isn’t practical or even possible. But I don’t get why one would use alternative punishments very often when spanking allows you to punish him while also eroticizing the experience for both of you.

      Since its football playoffs time I will offer a football analogy: spanking is the star you want out in the field for as many plays as possible. The longer spanking is on the field the more points you will score. But occasionally spanking needs a break and so you go to your “bench” for a breather –and put players in the game like “writing lines” and “grounding” . They won’t win many games for you but at least they can keep the bench warm.

      Alan

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    2. Hi Alan,
      "...why do you want to stop the kink if you are getting what you want with the kink. Kink after all is part of most DD relationships, maybe particularly F/M relationships."

      Absolutely agree! Before saying more, I want to say that it seems that Carol and her husband have found something that really works for them, so that is great and I certainly am not criticizing her or them, as there is no one "right" way to do DD!

      But for me, I don't really understand why people want to reduce or minimize the kink of DD. Perhaps this is driven by some subconscious feeling that in order for it to be "real" it shouldn't be kinky? Or maybe it is because there is a feeling that if being spanked (or punished in some other way) is someone's kink, it cannot be used as punishment for them?

      I personally feel just the opposite. For me, the whole reason that DD is so powerful to me and is able to affect real change is BECAUSE it is fueled by my desires and fantasies. So if my wife wants DD to work well for us, she is better off doing things that stoke my fantasies, rather than suppress them. And I am definitely a spanko, yet can assure you that for me, spankings can be (and are) real punishments.

      Regarding the primacy of spanking in DD, I agree with you, but I could see that it might vary from person to person. If someone has a spanking fetish of some sort then probably spanking would be the key part of DD for them. I will define a "spanking fetish" here as "if I see a spanking or spanking reference in a movie my heart rate increases and my mouth goes dry." I guess if someone didn't have a spanking fetish, but rather a fetish for something else, like mouth soaping or something equally unpleasant, it might turn out to be the key part of DD for them.

      -ZM

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    3. It's not often that I find myself disagreeing with both ZM and Alan, but I'm with Carol on this one. I do agree that the erotic energy underlying the desire for DD is what usually kicks off the interest in it and keeps it going. And, I do agree that when it is happening it can be a serious deterrent and something you do want to avoid. But, the fact that I want to avoid a spanking doesn't mean there aren't things that I may want to avoid even more. Those things may be even more coercive and make me want to avoid a repeat of the punishment precisely because they are devoid of any erotic energy and because they take longer and are more drawn out. To paraphrase Danielle's response to Alan about why not just get it over quickly with a spanking, what if she doesn't want the unpleasant element to be over quickly for him? Danielle phrased it mainly in terms of perhaps she wants to drag it out for her own erotic gratification, but it also very well may be that the wife wants a particular punishment to feel long and drawn out and without any erotic element because she wants to maximize its overall punitive or deterrent effect. Let's face it - one reason the topic of alternative punishments always draws such a negative reaction from the men is probably because we prefer a punishment that is quickly done and over and we are sent on our way and really don't want one that might really disrupt our preferences for some substantial period of time, like being told we can't go to an event we've been looking forward to, or being made to do menial housework for a couple of days straight.

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    4. Hi Dan,
      I am not sure that we disagree as much as you think on this, though apparently we are not as well aligned as we often are.

      I agree that there might be times where the wife wants the punishment to stretch out over a longer period of time. I have mentioned before that while my wife has not used punishments like grounding, they obviously can be effective since they provide a lot of opportunity for thought at reflection. And I of course fully agree that much of the negative reaction us guys have to alternative punishments is that we much prefer the "get it over with quickly" element so it doesn't restrict us too much. I am sure that alternative punishments work well, and probably sometimes better than spankings, so I wasn't trying to address them specifically with my comment.

      I also agree that a wife might occasionally want to minimize or even remove the erotic element from a punishment.

      Now the caveats. If the wife wants to remove the erotic element from a particular punishment to send a stronger message, that is just fine, as long as it is not rooted in some misinformed notion that "if it is erotic, it can't be effective punishment." I am absolutely certain that line of thinking is not correct; If it were, then DD would only be effective for those who are not turned on in the least by spanking and yet somehow chose to turn to spanking to improve their marriage, which at least for F/M DD would be just about nobody!

      Also, while I agree that longer, drawn-out punishments can be effective, I would be cautious to not resort to them too frequently because I believe there is a much larger risk of them causing resentment. Also, of course, it undercuts one of the biggest advantages of spanking - the ability to quickly deliver a message, clear the air, leave a clean slate, and bring immediate closure.

      So, I do think there is plenty of room for alternative punishments, and even for the occasional clearly non-erotic punishment, but I would suggest that there is more inherent risk in these things so they should be used with caution and not too frequently.

      -ZM

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    5. This is an interesting discussion. I agree with Carol and Dan. And Brett in the thread below. However, in the context of my FLR with my husband, I don’t think the distinction between “erotic” punishment (spanking) and “non erotic” punishment (grounding, loss of privileges, etc.) is clear cut. I think various forms of DD work for my husband and me because they are all erotic on some level. I think it would feel less erotic if spanking was the only form of discipline I felt empowered to use.
      Danielle

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    6. Hi Danielle,
      This was an interesting discussion indeed. I hope 2022 has started out good for you!

      "However, in the context of my FLR with my husband, I don’t think the distinction between 'erotic' punishment (spanking) and 'non erotic' punishment (grounding, loss of privileges, etc.) is clear cut." - The same is true for my wife and I, or at least I think it is true since she hasn't really done too many "alternative" punishments. For me, the erotic part is the exercise of authority, more so than the actual punishment method employed. So, at least for me, most anything my wife does to punish or discipline me is going to be at least somewhat erotic, even if the means chosen is quite un-erotic in and of itself. I think that was pretty much what Brett was saying as well.

      "I think various forms of DD work for my husband and me because they are all erotic on some level." - Again, same for us. I think that much of the power of DD, at least for my wife and me, is that there is some built-in eroticism. This is the part that I was more trying to address above. I wasn't trying to say that alternative punishments were less valid, but rather I was saying that in general, I would try to embrace the erotic element, rather than diminish or remove it.

      -ZM

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    7. Danielle: "I think various forms of DD work for my husband and me because they are all erotic on some level. I think it would feel less erotic if spanking was the only form of discipline I felt empowered to use."

      I like this thinking, Danielle. If you were restricted to using a particular form of punishment, then it wouldn't really feel like you're the one in charge. It doesn't make sense that you can't use your own judgment in these matters. This works well for me, and to me spanking can still be at the center of discipline if it remains a threat. I might be relieved to receive an alternative punishment, and it all relies on what my wife decides is needed.

      ZM: "…most anything my wife does to punish or discipline me is going to be at least somewhat erotic, even if the means chosen is quite un-erotic in and of itself."

      That sums it up well, ZM. My fetish for disciplinary spanking is always present, but most important is not that it happens, but that it is possible and not under my control. Grounding or loss of privileges would also not be under my control. Alternative punishments are still humbling and, as part of the disciplinary regime, an erotic element of the dynamic.

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  8. Alan,
    You asked, "–but why do you want to stop the kink if you are getting what you want with the kink. Kink after all is part of most DD relationships, maybe particularly F/M relationships."
    It may be hard to explain. My husband asked me to keep him on track and hold him accountable. Feeding his kink might not be punishment to him. It depends on the situation. Hubby gets plenty of kink and he loves it. I love it too. But punishment, when justified, is punishment. There's no need to always resort to spanking or caning him. I try to avoid being cruel. I hold a weekly discipline session, which happens on Saturday or Sunday evenings. We make it a ritual - he shows up showered, shaved and properly dressed in whatever I leave out for him that afternoon. How easy or tough the session goes depends on him. We both look forward to it as a D/s session, although there have been a few sessions I know he wishes had been canceled.

    You said, "But I don’t get why one would use alternative punishments very often when spanking allows you to punish him while also eroticizing the experience for both of you."
    He has a spanking fetish, which I obviously fed over the years. Quick spankings don't necessarily make improvements in his behavior. Hubby knows Mean Carol might just give him a serious caning for major disobedience, but punishment like being grounded works too. He procrastinated about hanging a picture for me when we first moved from another house. I'm boss and I decided we would lightly discuss the picture at our discipline session. I told him at the session that he was grounded for the upcoming weekend and would remain ground each weekend until the picture was hung. Like magic, he hung the picture the same weekend and provided an apology we both...ummmm, enjoyed. I also think alternate punishment, and withholding spanking, is often very effective punishment.

    Carol H.

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    1. See my comment above. Meant to post it under this one.

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    2. Hi Carol and Happy New year to you in a year I strongly believe will be a better one. I have enjoyed the ongoing exchange with you and want to thank you for perusing it.

      `A dear friend of mine often liked to say when impasses had been reached: “where you stand depends on where you sit” –which I later found out has actually been tagged as a “law”, the so called “Miles law” after one Rufus Miles.

      What it means I think is that your position on many issues is really neither right nor work, but depend upon one’s personal relationship with the issue. Facts matter but your unique perspective on those facts matters most. You have had much success with using alternative punishment; We have not. It’s all good.
      Alan

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    3. Hi Carol,
      Thank you for your good explanation. It seems like you find a healthy balance between spanking and alternative punishments. Also, I like that fact that you seem to recognize and fulfill your husbands need for kink.

      One thing that I am constantly reminded of as I am learning more about DD is that we are all wired differently, and there is no "one size fits all" approach that works well for everyone.

      I hope 2022 will be a great year for you!

      -ZM

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    4. The way I see it, spanking is the most powerful and erotic method of discipline, and nothing says a punishment can't be both erotic and effective. However, an important aspect of the kink is that my wife has authority, is strong and in charge, and employs her genuine nurturing instincts in providing discipline. Another important aspect is the humility that punishment causes. So alternative punishments are not necessarily divorced from the kink. She should use whatever methods she believes are effective, and that's still a turn-on. If the discipline relationship somehow does become tedious and unfulfilling from an erotic standpoint, then it wouldn't last for me.

      Hope everyone is having a happy new year, such as it is.

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  9. STATUS UPDATE:

    Hi all. I didn't intend to engage much over the holidays anyway, but getting re-engaged has been delayed and frustrated. We had some things happen over the last few days that threw "normal" life out the window, and we're still working our way through things. In my case, that included a Covid diagnosis and quarantine, though it says a lot that the Covid itself has really been the least of my concerns. I'm not sure I've ever had a chain of events that has pushed my "control freak" buttons quite as much as the events of the last few days. I will get re-engaged soon, hopefully with a post in the next few days, but right now things are still really up in the air.

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    1. Dan,
      Hang on their friend. this ship is going to right itself soon and as Gerald Ford would like to have written our “long national nightmare” will be over. Many of us are struggling and beyond fatigue with it all. Hope all goes well for you soon. We miss your new posts but they are always well worth waiting for
      Alan

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    2. Thanks, Alan! I'm reminded of the Rolling Stones lyric: "Meet the new boss. Same as the old boss." It seems to apply well to the transitions from 2020 to 2021 to 2022 . . . Oh well. Nothing lasts forever, for good or ill.

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    3. Hi Dan,
      Sorry that the new year didn't start out so great for you. Maybe you will be in the enviable position of having the worst days of the year out of the way? :-)

      -ZM

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    4. Hang in there, Dan, and no haste needed. We have all year to talk shop.

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    5. Thanks guys! It took a while, while I still have a few symptoms, for the most part I'm back on my feet mentally and physically

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  10. Dan, Alan and ZM,

    I really liked our discussion. There is no "one size fits all" as ZM said. The fact that my husband wanted a real FLR probably makes discipline different and more complex, whatever a 'real FLR' is. It's what you make of it I think. Hubby didn't expect me to do so much research on FLR relationships, though he's happy I did.

    Alan, my husband cleans the showers and tubs. He would be the last one I would ever suspect would make a mess cleaning boots in our home. lol.

    ZM, when you wrote, "I like that fact that you seem to recognize and fulfill your husbands need for kink" it made me want to admit that my husband is also fulfilling some kink I enjoy.

    Dan - I also hope you feel better quickly for the new year. A relative tested positive for Covid over Christmas but she experienced very light symptoms. I hope your symptoms are minimal.

    Carol H.

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