Reasonable orders are easy enough to obey; it is capricious, bureaucratic or plain idiotic demands that form the habit of discipline. - Barbara W. Tuchman
Hello all. Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couple’s Club. Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, Domestic Discipline relationships. I hope you all had a great week.
Mine finished better than it started. I reported a couple of weeks ago that after making some substantial progress on the behavior front, particularly with respect to over-indulging, there had been some troubling signs of backsliding. Unfortunately, it happened twice over less than two weeks, with Anne present at both. The first was a work event that turned into a total booze fest. Anne and I left by 10:00, and the party was still in full swing. Then, last Sunday we had dinner with friends, and the husband was very diligent in refilling glasses. The result was a painful Memorial Day. In more ways than one. I’ll explain in more depth, as it relates to where I am going with this week’s topic. It also serves as a bit of a follow-up to last week’s topic as well.
Anne wasn’t mad at all about the first incident. I really wasn’t drinking much more than others we were hanging out with, and at no point did I get out of control or do anything embarrassing. So, it really was a “problem” only in that I really have been trying to learn to moderate, and there was not much moderation on display that evening. She wasn’t mad about the second event either. I wasn’t really drinking more than the other couple—or at least the husband, who was the one who kept pouring—and I again didn’t get out of control. But, when we got back home, I decided I wanted to stay up and listen to music, which is always a bad idea for me and almost always results in even more drinking (alone) and a very tired and painful morning. Therefore, she insisted I come to bed. I eventually did, but only after a fair amount of initial resistance.
So, the next morning she announced that I was going to get spanked that night. I didn’t really argue or try to get out of it. In my mind, I deserved it for failing to moderate my drinking on not just one, but two, recent occasions. But, in announcing that I was going to be spanked, she did not link it to the over-indulgence. In fact, she said she wasn’t concerned about my behavior at dinner the night before. Rather, she was going to spank me because I didn’t mind her when she told me to go to bed. I was to be spanked for disobedience and for not complying with something she told me to do or doing so only after first resisting and evading.
I thought about trying to get out of it for at least a day, as I really wasn’t feeling great most of that day. But, I also kind of wanted to take my medicine and get it over with. As with the last time she spanked me, she used the vintage hairbrush, and this time we also tried it OTK. For someone wired as I seem to be, it was a pretty powerful combination, emphasizing her feminine, maternal authority. OTK with a hairbrush is about as iconic as it gets where maternal spankings are concerned, and adding to that dynamic in a major way was the fact that I was being spanked specifically for not minding her when she told me to go to bed. We talked about it after it was over, and she agreed that the position added to the dynamic and reinforced her feeling of authority.
She also noted that using a single instrument that was readily available (we had been leaving it in open view on the bathroom counter) and a simple position, with her sitting on an ottoman that was already in place, just made the whole thing easier for her. In the past spankings have always been kind of a ritualized event, with me going upstairs, setting up the ottoman in the middle of the room and putting pillows in it to elevate my butt. Then, I’d get out a suitcase in which we keep her tools. I would disrobe. She’d come up and lecture, then tell me to get in position, then she would work her way through a variety of tools. . .. It kind of went on and on and on, taking a lot of time and preparation. I had suspected for a while that all the ritual might be getting in the way of consistency, because if each spanking was such an event, it might come to seem almost like a chore. It sounds like she is now seeing it that way as well, as she commented that this simplified process will probably make it more likely for her to spank more often and more immediately after the offense.
I don’t really have a set
topic for this week and welcome any comments on the above or any thoughts that
it raises. In preparing to write the
post, I looked back at past posts that might touch on similar themes. I was a
little surprised to discover that even though we talk a lot about authority,
obedience and related themes, I really have not devoted many actual topics to
them. This week’s spanking puts authority
issues—maternal or otherwise—front and center in my mind. There definitely was an added emotional
element connected to the fact that she was spanking me specifically for not obeying
her instructions. For not “minding” her
as the parents would say in my part of the country. Some of these authority issues were also
plainly on the minds of our commenters last week.
I think the routine we have established of paddling him every Monday (except when the kids aren't in school) has been good for Art. He knows what to expect. And it is good for me too, to remind myself of the authority I now hold in our marriage. I don't have to and won't accept his arrogance any more. Maybe we both need weekly reminders of that!
Liz
Belle’s comment about Jimmy not liking the idea of preventive spanking suggests another benefit of the practice that I hadn’t really thought about. But it teaches obedience especially when a husband initially thinks the spanking is unfair or unwarranted – but still submits to her authority. Thinking back I have probably learned more about obedience in those situation where I have been punished despite disagreeing with her reasons. As I have mentioned before and several other husbands have also recounted, it is amazing how often a guy moves from resisting a punishment before it happens to admitting it was necessary afterward. My feelings before a spanking are completely genuine but a brush or paddle (or strap) are great persuaders as well as great truth serums.
Alan
Alan’s comment nicely ties together last week’s “preventative” spanking topic with this week’s emphasis on authority and obedience. As a short follow-up on the former, after drafting that post I thought several times about asking Anne to spank me prior to both gatherings where I ended up over-indulging. One would have been logistically difficult, but one would not. I honestly regret not following through, because I do think that a preventative spanking would have helped me make the alcohol consumption more mindful, i.e. I would have thought more as I was drinking instead of just feeling the ill effects after the fact.
On a non-spanking topic, the world continues to open up, thanks to increased vaccination rates. Thanks to this new freedom of movement, we may be out and about—and largely offline—for a week or two. So, I may not post for a couple of weeks; I intend to play it by ear. By the way, for those on the fence about whether to have kids vaccinated, this from Benjamin Franklin.
[Those who have tried to politicize vaccinations, sometimes citing the Founders’ supposed superior devotion to personal liberty, might want to do some reading up on George Washington’s use of smallpox vaccinations on his soldiers during the Revolutionary War. There is a pretty good argument that we won that war not because of Washington’s superior battlefield acumen but, rather, because he did a much better job than his British counterparts in responding to the pandemic with vaccinations and social distancing.]
I hope you all have a great week.
This is Liz,
ReplyDeleteFor us, DD is all about giving me authority in the marriage. My husband had such a blind spot about the way he was speaking to people, with his sarcasm and arrogance. And while he is a good husband, he would NOT listen to me about this issue. He often would just ignore that I had said anything and go right on with his sarcastic comments.
It got to the breaking point, where I felt I needed to protect my children from him. So I took them and left. That was the saddest day of my life. But I felt so helpless and I did not know what else to do.
My blind spot was that I knew all about DD (though we never called it that). All the kids were spanked in my family, and my parents used corporal punishment on each other! But for some unexplainable reason I never considered that as an option until Art suggested it to me as a way for me to curb his arrogance.
It has worked wonders. Art has dramatically reduced his sarcasm toward the children, and also made improvements at work. Now I don't feel helpless. I KNOW I can get him to listen to me because he knows that he will get paddled if he doesn't. I only wish we had implemented DD years ago and saved me and the kids all of that heartache from his arrogant mouth.
So yes, like Anne, I insist that my husband obey me when it comes to how he treats others. And like Dan, he knows the benefits of corporal punishment, that it does improve his behavior.
Unlike many couples, we are extremely consistent with our DD. It happens once a week (though now that the kids are almost out of school, it will be more difficult). But Art and I like this consistency. He knows he is going to get a painful reminder to behave every week, and I know I get to exert my authority every week.
In regard to the maternal nature of DD, I think that every time a woman spanks a man there is some maternal element. But we try to keep that to a minimum. I especially do not want to feel like his mother. So we do not do over the knee, and I do not use a hairbrush or a wooden spoon or any other implement that seems especially maternal.
It seems to me that the husband in a marriage has some built-in authority over his wife. He is usually physically stronger, for one thing. For another, our culture and the Christian religion both have given him marital authority.
The wife, however, often has to struggle to find authority over her husband. I certainly did for many years. Now I have a simple tool that gives me authority over him. He feels it, literally. I feel it symbolically. Every time the paddle lands it says to us both that Liz has a way to control Art's arrogance. And we both know that I will use it.
Thanks, Liz. It is interesting that you are one of the few wives who have commented here who had DD parents, yet it didn't occur to you to use it yourself. I can think of one other commenter whose parents used it and who did not initially use it herself, but in her case it was a conscious choice. She ultimately became frustrated enough with her husband to give it a try.
DeleteIt is mysterious to me. I never have felt I had as much authority as my mother. And my parents DD was never front and center. In our house it was much more about the kids being spanked. And I do believe in my husband as leader of the family. All of those things and maybe more conspired to keep me from considering spanking my husband.
DeleteLiz
DeleteI wouldn't think of ignoring or disoberying an order from her as I know now she means business and will enforce it with a spanking.
ReplyDeleteDisobedience is the highest form of disrespect in her eyes.
I fully concur with your comments regarding the otk position , it really emphasizes her power and your lack of it , and sets the proper tone.
Using a single implement gives her more 'spanking time's, allows her to lecture as she spanks, and produces lasting results.
You didn't provide details on the intensity, but 100 -200 spanks with a good hairbrush makes you wish that spanking would end!
I suspect Ann enjoyed it a lot more than you think !
Yeah, I think my proclivity for buying multiple spanking implements hasn't served any real purpose other than wasting a lot of money.
DeleteI'm sure you can sell them on Kijiji Dan!
DeleteThe hairbrush is also very 'portable' so Anne can pack it for vacations and road trips.
This comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteI too am not sure about the effectiveness of buying countless spanking implements. However, I do think that it has been overall positive since it has allowed her to experiment with many different things and see which she prefers.
DeleteIn the end, we have probably 30 different spanking implements, of which she almost always incorporates about 2, uses another 5 with some consistency (at least when any spanking is actually going on), and maybe another 5 or so get used from time to time. So we could have made do with a whole lot less than we have, but it also would have required us to get it perfect when we were initially purchasing things.
-ZM
I'm in agreement with both posters here. In our relationship, her authority is unquestioned and my obedience is demanded. In your case, Dan, my spanking would have been immediate or at least early the next morning. I read with interest the difference in the practice of 'setting up' a punishment becoming a chore and her immediately using what was available for a fast administering of discipline. We try to punish immediately following the offense or as soon as possible. Noting from another responder, the concept of spanking before going out. We have incorporated this as well. She said spanking me after an event seems to not have been effective, so I am spanking you before we go out. Then if you still misbehave, heaven help you when we return home. This practice was actually the forerunner of the regularly scheduled maintenance we now use. We both also agree with Anne, that you were not spanked for the drinking, but for not obeying her direct order. Disobedience is high on our list of infractions. Ranking just below disrespect or lieing.
ReplyDeleteI suspect that an immediate spanking after an offense that was alcohol-related would not be very effective for us. I probably would comply, but I don't think it would be nearly as effective if I were less than fully sober. Also, I really discourage anyone from giving or receiving DD after drinking, particularly giving. There are lots of sensitive parts back there, particularly the tailbone, and I think as a safety measure it is critical that the disciplinarian be in full, sober control when delivering a spanking.
DeleteThat is the one time I wait to spank, when Jimmy has been drinking. I want him to feel the full effects. He does not at all like being spanked the next morning with a hangover! But oh well, he should have behaved himself the night before!
DeleteOtherwise I am very much into immediate punishment. You touch the stove you get burned!
No question that in most cases (except perhaps when either of the parties is under the influence) faster would be more effective. Or at the very least, punishment should be pronounced immediately. That way, even if the recipient doesn't get to immediately feel the burn, they get to stew over what they know is coming.
Delete-ZM
Jimmy doesn't like waiting at all. Once he knows he is getting punished he wants it over as soon as possible.
DeleteDanielle here:
ReplyDeleteI have zero tolerance for disobedience. What would be the point of a FLR if my husband could choose whether or not to do as he’s told? I should say that having zero tolerance for disobedience doesn’t mean I have to spank Wayne often for that. He generally does what he’s told.
Dan, the mental image of you over Anne’s knee getting your bottom smacked with the hairbrush for disobeying an order to go to bed made me smile in solidarity with Anne. One of the first rules I made when I agreed to a FLR was that Wayne would come to bed with me when I go to bed. There was a practical reason to that. One of the things that brought about a crisis in our marriage was that he was constantly coming to bed late because of his internet porn habit. Putting an end to that had a really positive effect. He was no longer waking me up by coming to bed late, and coming to bed at the same time as me renewed our sexual intimacy. Not only did he have to come to bed when I did, he had to give me a foot massage every night. The intimacy of the foot massages often led to sex, especially in the early days of our FLR.
Nowadays, I sometimes prefer to have the bed to myself, and Wayne will sleep in the guest room. In that case, he is allowed to stay up as late as he likes. We got out of the habit of nightly foot massages for a while, but we have started doing that again…at Wayne’s suggestion. He told me that if he is going to sleep in a separate room, he likes to have 20 minutes of intimacy massaging my feet before he goes to his room. I thought that was really sweet, so I have started to require nightly foot massages again. When he has finished the foot massage, he asks me where I want him to sleep. Sometimes he asks for permission to sleep with me, and that is a cue that he is horny and would like to do something more intimate than a foot massage. I like this arrangement!
Dan, I think you said that Anne sat on an ottoman to spank you OTK. I also use an ottoman for OTK spankings because the ottoman gives my legs good support when Wayne, who is quite a bit bigger, is OTK. I agree that a traditional, maternal style spanking OTK with a hairbrush is perfect for disobedience. I have rarely had to spank Wayne for disobeying an order to come to bed. But if I did, I would be tempted to add some other consequence, like sending him to bed early for a few days.
I guess it’s relevant to this topic to say that I like using phrases that demonstrate my authority and my expectation of obedience. They are the kinds of things that parents often say to children. For example:
- I didn’t ask whether you WANTED to do it.
- I’m not going to tell you again.
- I said NOW!
- Do I have to get the hairbrush?
If Wayne shows any inclination to disobey or to drag his feet, just saying one of those things generally establishes my authority, so I rarely have to get the hairbrush.
Authority and its power to demand obedience is the foundation of what I like about the FLR. Without her possessing an actual enforceable authority, she may still be leading, I may be happy to follow, but it doesn’t cross the line into the exciting side of the dynamic. When I obey her because of the trouble I’d be in if I didn’t, or because she taught me the error of my ways through applied discipline, that’s the fuel driving this fulfilling relationship. The maternal aspect is very important because the nurturing of her “child” is profoundly humbling. I’m not into age regression or acting in childish ways, but her authority modeled after parenting feels like being parented, and that’s what I’m looking for. Nothing provides that more explicitly than an over-the-knee hairbrush spanking when she has been disobeyed.
DeleteI’m thinking here of an ideal FLR. Danielle describes a regime that I like. Because it’s real and not a game, and is so impactful in the quality of real life, we must be compatible. The way she wields her authority is everything, and the alignment of our values and sense of justice must be sufficiently in sync, or the excitement of the dynamic is not going to be strong enough to hold it together. It’s about finding the kind of authority I want to be under, and then obedience is to that strict but benevolent power.
Danielle wrote: “I have zero tolerance for disobedience.” This might sound excessively severe but if this attitude is clearly and consistently communicated, it actually makes it easier for a husband (or boyfriend) under feminine discipline – easier to obey and easier to avoid misbehavior. There is just no ambiguity about it and no opportunity for the naughty boy to come out and get into mischief.
DeleteMy wife is a very effective disciplinarian but sometimes she uses verbal and /or nonverbal warnings before deciding to spank. She is very confident of her authority and confident she can control me when she wants to, so she sometimes lets things ride a bit. This can induce my naughty boy to push the boundaries and skate on the edges. But my former girlfriend maybe having less confidence in her control (because we lived apart for a long time) might have had less confidence in her control but she reacted to any real or perceived challenge to “my authority” quickly and strongly. I might hear “you are getting close” right before my pants came down but not much before and not always. I was more likely to hear “you are being disobedient” or that was disobedience” followed by an order to bring her brash or having my pants pulled down. I can’t say looking back that direct action approach was better than my wife’s more nuanced system. They both are very effective but Danielle’s “zero tolerance” is easier at least on the husband.
Alan
Hi Danielle. "One of the first rules I made when I agreed to a FLR was that Wayne would come to bed with me when I go to bed." This really would not work well for us. Generally, she seems to need much more sleep than I do. I'm wide awake at the time she normally goes to bed, and on weekends I'm usually up and out of bed a good hour or two before her.
DeleteI like those authoritarian phrases, and I think DD wives would be well served to keep several such phrases in their verbal arsenal.
Alan: "This might sound excessively severe but if this attitude is clearly and consistently communicated, it actually makes it easier for a husband (or boyfriend) under feminine discipline – easier to obey and easier to avoid misbehavior." I think this is something that many people in positions of authority--whether at home or work--just don't get. Strong, unequivocal directions are generally *easier* to obey and engender more respect. It's why I love the Machiavelli quote on the picture of the wolves, above. It emphasizes that being obeyed is a function of the attitude of the one with authority more so than the person who is supposed to do the obeying. If you are in a position of authority and your commands aren't being followed, you probably should first look to how you are behaving as a leader instead of whining that the other party isn't doing as they are told. If they aren't obeying, then act like a leader and do something about it.
DeleteDan wrote: “Strong, unequivocal directions are generally easier to obey” Yes, I remember with my former girlfriend early when she was tentative and seemed almost to be asking me if I would submit rather than telling me what was going to happen. The discipline during that period just was not effective and put stress on our relationship. But when she started to be firm and confident it all came together. My wife understood that from spending time on the other side of the paddle. We ask a lot of the women in our lives and learning to issue commands and expect to be obeyed against the cultural norms that inhibit that, must be difficult. But if I could offer a single line of advice to a woman just starting a female led DD, it would be: be as firm and commanding as you can and expect to be obeyed because you will be.
DeleteAlan
I an amazed at how obedient Jimmy is when I am firm with him! I still can't quite get over how much power I have over a macho man with a hundred pounds on me. It is so empowering. And sexy.
DeleteAs always, Danielle, you have captured the essence of a pretty ideal FLR, at least from my perspective.
DeleteI agree totally about the phrases. Words are very powerful, and the combination of words and tone can immediately cement authority. My wife is still learning about the verbal part, though she seemed to pick up the physical part pretty quick.
And Dan, you said "Strong, unequivocal directions are generally *easier* to obey and engender more respect." I couldn't agree more. I am still learning this, even after countless years in the workforce and a couple of C-level positions.
-ZM
I have noticed this too. It's almost like he doesn't want a choice. And when I do give him one, he is guaranteed to choose the easier of the two options. So there's really no point. I am better off just announcing what I need him to do. And the more powerful my tone, the more likely he is to do it immediately without comment.
DeleteBelle,
DeleteExactly. Spot on!
-ZM
Hi guys! I haven't chimed in for a while. Hope all have been well. Was just curious, does anyone know what happened to the Consensual Spanking blog?
ReplyDeleteHermione on Hermione's Heart blog posted something saying that it was temporarily taken down by Google because of some kind of virus or technical problem and that Red (the owner) is working to get it back on-line soon. I hope that's the case. His shared memes often make my morning.
DeleteHEY DAN!!!! Hope you're having good start to summer! Oh thats good to hear..i'm the same way. Its always a fun start to my day...part of my routine w my coffee!
ReplyDeleteSame here. Hope you're doing well.
DeleteI like the word power rather than authority but they are pretty much the same thing. I like feeling powerful, including over my husband. In my first decade of marriage I wanted to feel protected and he did that very well. But I realized that protection without any power is not enough.
ReplyDeleteLike most DD couples, as I understand it, my husband initiated the spanking relationship. He wanted me to take some of the control in the marriage, to have more power, which is exactly what I needed!
I do punish severely for disobedience, and that happened just recently. He does certain chores now but we have been having an issue about when they are to be done. I want them done sooner, he wants to do them later. I recently gave him a time of night by which a chore needed to be done and the very first night it was not. I took that as willful disobedience and he got one of the worst spankings of his life. And yes, it was him ignoring my authority that precipitated the severity, not that the chore was undone. I can tell you it has been done on time since!
Our DD is new and I would not feel comfortable announcing something like preventive spankings when he doesn't agree with them. I get what Alan is saying about the positive impact of a husband being punished even when he disagrees, but I am not looking to beat my husband into submission. That is not what I am looking for. I want him to agree that he has earned it so there is no resentment. So far it has worked well. If we do have a severe disagreement about whether punishment is warranted, I plan to wait a day and see if his guilty conscience helps him see that he really does deserve to be spanked.
There's yet another strategy Aunt Kay used. I had pretty much forgotten about that.
DeleteThere were a few times in our years when that's exactly what happened. During the "in-between" period she remained her warm self. Maybe a bit "formal" now and then but just enough to keep me wondering, not icy or anything.
After a while, days, I got more and more disturbed and she waited until I specifically asked; which let me tell you was so difficult I could almost have broken out crying from it. Plainly and specifically asking is not in my make up and it was more then embarrassing.
If there was ever a time I felt like I was facing a strict teacher or something that was it. I guess something was building up in her too because I got it really good. Just writing this I can still recall one of those sessions.
Hi Belle. I too like the word "power," and I like that you can admit you enjoy having it. Many women can't. I also like it because like Alan, I gravitate toward the DD dynamic feeling more real when it feels at least somewhat "imposed," i.e. applied whether or not I agree with it.
DeleteTomy: "Plainly and specifically asking is not in my make up and it was more then embarrassing." Same here. I have done it, but even after initiating the DD relationship as a whole and after 15+ years of being in it, I still struggle with asking for it even when I know I really, really deserve one.
DeleteDan, I'm sure you know you are eyeball to eyeball with the enemy within - he who thwarts more fulfillment in your life. There's no tangible obstacle or circumstance. Courage and good luck. Your whole blog group is watching Ha! (but true.)
DeleteTomy,
DeleteYou are wise in the ways of discipline and male behavior and I know at least some wives and girlfriends like it when a guy acknowledges his guilt or confesses misbehavior and asks for a spanking. Both my disciplinarians have made it clear many times than they liked me to ask -- not for an erotic spanking -- but a real disciplinary one for real misbehavior I am confessing. And sometimes it does work to do that. I have done it .But most of the time, like Dan I need to feel it is being imposed on me and my wife is exercising her authority. It’s really not embarrassment or avoiding punishment that inhibits me from asking. But my wife firmly and decisively using her disciplinary authority is a big part of the DD dynamic for me. Sentencing myself to punishment-- which is what asking feels like -- just doesn’t work
Alan
Jimmy has never asked for a spanking but I do believe he tells the truth when I interrogate him. It still feels like a confession. The other day I had him go get the bath brush *before* I asked him about his behavior, so we both knew that puishment was extremely likely. I enjoyed that power of asking him questions while holding the brush. And of course there was misbehavior to report.
DeleteBelle,
DeleteI talked about this before when I remarked the paddle can be a truth serum and for sure elicit confessions.I don't really understand why even voluntary confession is so much easier when I am over the bed or over her lap in the close proximity of a brush. But it definitely does work. Even gentle probing on her part when I am in tha situation prompts truthfulness to the point of babbling.Sometimes all she has to say is " is there anything you need to tell me?, delivered in that lilting, soft but firm feminine voice. Maybe I am seeking a catharsis. I don't know. But it works.
Alan
Catharsis for sure.
DeleteBeing vulnerable and releasing your truth - a truth that would never be revealed to anyone else - is deeply intimate and requires love and trust. I think maybe there is something in that moment, the willing surrender to her "authority", that so deeply nourishes that it IS worth the consequences. I put authority in quotes because I feel it is not only that, but so much more.
It's worth it!
Alan, you said "Both my disciplinarians have made it clear many times that they liked me to ask."
DeleteThen you said "But my wife firmly and decisively using her disciplinary authority is a big part of the DD dynamic for me. Sentencing myself to punishment-- which is what asking feels like -- just doesn’t work."
This translates to me as,(and Alan,I am not trying to be insulting or anything). "I don't wanna do it cause I don't like it. I want my discipline delivered my way." Not that I find fault, who doesn't want it all served up as we prefer?
And I'm not being holier than thou either. Just last week I think it was, when I was in the space of needing a spanking for risking a house fire, I was complaining that the high-class disciplinarian I wanted would never be affordable for me and the one I could afford wasn't "suitable" for me. I finally realized I was basically being a spoiled brat who had to have it all my own way - only do "what worked" for me - fulfilled the fantasy aspect if you will.
It was embarrassing to admit it and I promised that if/when I became careless again I would make an appointment for discipline with the woman who "doesn't work for me". And now that's going to be the case even if I can afford one of the "more desirable" ones at that time.
Tomy,
DeleteYou raise two interesting points. I will respond to the latter first and circle back to the former Yes, both women have told me they liked me to ask for a spanking (when I deserved one, it was purely disciplinary and I was ready to be punished, i.e. not for an erotic spanking). And yes, I have much trouble doing that, but I is not because “I want my discipline delivered my way.", but because asking doesn’t trigger all the things in me that transform me from a hard charging alpha male to a naughty husband who needs spanked –this is what I called the “dynamic”. In a perfect world I would request to be spanked when I had broken a rule, disobeyed or misbehaved – and I know from reading many internet accounts that apparently many men are either trained to do that or naturally inclined to do it. For me submitting to female authority is an intensely strong need; at the same time somewhat paradoxically it takes an assertive, confident and strong woman to bring that out. (B.T.W, I appreciate the dialog, sharing thinking with other males who understand female led discipline -- and are themselves experienced in the reality of it -- is very enriching)
Alan
Yes Alan, this is a good conversation and I suspect valuable to some other blog visitors, we'll of whom we will never hear from.
Delete...and at the risk of getting tiresome, I'm going to add to our conversation regarding your circumstances. One point I will reiterate is that THEY like it, right? It means they want it, right? Get it?
Point two. All it takes is a tiny bit of reorientation in your brain. These women who spank your naughty butt with impunity ARE "assertive, confident and strong woman" and should not need to prove it; they deserve to be always respected for it. and if you can tweak your brain to stay aware of that fact, you will have an enriched life experience. I'm downing a tequila in your honor.
Prosit!
DeleteAlan
My drink of choice. Some friends gave me a special bottle as a gift recently, and it may be the most heavenly liquid I've ever had.
DeleteFor sure. The really good stuff is indeed sublime.
DeleteSince Jimmy really doesn't like talking about how our DD works for him, it is very elucidating to hear you gentlemen talk about your specific "dynamics." Jimmy has never asked for a spanking and I doubt he ever will. At the same time, he has never objected when I have announced he is getting one. He seems like Alan in this respect; he responds very well to my authority. He also answers my questions quickly and completely once the bath brush is in my hands, though he would much prefer being over my knee or over the couch rather than face to face, which he finds embarrassing and uncomfortable.
DeleteWe also like tequila. Margaritas are my favorite.
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DeleteI enjoyed this thread. I too am very, very much in the "really needs to be imposed" camp. Thankfully, my wife has told me specifically multiple times that she does not ever want me to self-report. If she wants a report from me, then she interrogates me, and it goes without saying that I will answer truthfully and completely, regardless of what that might mean for my bottom.
Delete-ZM
I have never told Jimmy to self-report, but if he chooses to that is fine with me. I don't get why I would discourage that, since the ultimate goal is behavior improvement.
DeleteHi Belle,
DeleteI think there are several reasons that she doesn't like self-reporting (except if she interrogates me), including:
- if I self report knowing she will likely spank me, it is like asking for a spanking
- her ultimate goal is not behavior improvement, but rather relationship strengthening
- she feels like if she didn't see it and if it didn't bother her, why should she even deal with it?
- maybe she likes the inherent game in "will I be caught?"
- and probably primarily, she doesn't give a lot of spankings for behavior specifically, but rather mostly for attitudes and for failing to meet goals.
-ZM
A bad attitude is behavior. Missing goals is behavior. A stronger relationship is based on behavior. To me it is all about his behavior! Actions speak louder than words, and actions have consequences.
DeleteI also don't get why a wife would give a pass on misbehavior just because she didn't see or hear it. Certainly she wouldn't pass if the misbehavior was reported by her mother. So why would she pass when she learns of it sone other way, including self-reporting?
And what is wrong with asking for a spanking if the husband feels guilty and wants consequences for his misbehavior?
Belle said:“And what is wrong with asking for a spanking if the husband feels guilty and wants consequences for his misbehavior?” There is nothing at all wrong with it if a wife welcomes it, it works for both and if the guy’s motivations are disciplinary and not just erotic. But a guy with a spanking fetish is likely to get erotic and disciplinary mixed up. Eroticism is present in almost every adult spanking encounter. But if your objectives are primarily disciplinary, you don’t want the erotic component to run the show because if it does there is no real discipline going on. That is one reason I think it is far better for a woman to make the decision to spank, where, when, with what and so on.
DeleteAs I said earlier asking doesn’t work for me, but apparently it does for some couples. But very few men (or women for that matter) will sentence themselves to real discipline- So if a guy is asking on any regular basis the chances are his motivation is erotic. And where is the female authority in that?
Context is important here, so I want to make it clear I am not talking about asking for a spanking during an interrogation or after a scolding. These are both disciplinary events and asking is appropriate. When I remarked earlier that both women who have spanked me liked me to ask, that was the context I was thinking about. If I approached my wife tonight and asked for a spanking out of the blue, she would probably make me sit down while she took my temperature.
Alan
Jimmy has never asked for a spanking, though like many on here he does find it erotic before and after (but definitely not during). Nor do I think he has ever misbehaved on purpose in order to get a spanking. I agree that the erotic component should not be running the show, and I am definitely the one who decides when, where, and with what the spanking occurs.
DeleteHonestly, it is me who has on occasion had the urge to spank him when he has done nothing to deserve it. That is because the power exchange is such a high for me, erotically and otherwise. So far I have curbed my desires because I do not *ever* want to treat him unfairly. And I also want spanking to always be disciplinary. The behavior improvement is much more important to me than the erotic element. Neither of us has any trouble feeling erotic about the other.
I will say though that our sex immediately after spanking is a bit different. He is still soft from the spanking, so he usually begins by going down on me, which is less frequent when he has an erection from the beginning. This is fine with me, as I like him being the initiator without having to ask him, and him servicing me continues the feeling of power I have over him during the disciplinary process. From then on, however, he runs the show in bed, which is how I like it as I also find it highly erotic to be taken by my big strong man. May he never lose his swag!
Husband has agreed I have the authority to dictate certain things to him and he has to obey. If he doesn't, he knows the consequences. Because of our work schedules, I have to schedule Disciplinary Sessions. For some couples, that wouldn't work, but it works for us. Husband says the delay does make him think about his disobedience. I've noticed his behavior gets better and he does try to butter me up in hopes of getting let off or a milder Disciplinary Session. No such luck for him.
ReplyDeleteI make husband say things during the Disciplinary Session to reinforce the idea he has to obey me. When he's brought me the implement and is standing in front of me with his panties pulled down, I show him the implement and ask him if he knows why he's getting this. he has to say specifically what he did, then I ask him what I told him about that. He has to say I told him not to do it. Then I just ask him "So you disobeyed me?". He'll answer "Yes,Ma'am", but that's not good enough for me. I want him actually to say he disobeyed me in those words, so I just say to him "Let me hear you say it." He actually has to say, "I disobeyed you, Miss Cecilia.". Then I ask him again "Why are you getting this?". He has to say he's getting it because he disobeyed me.
It reinforces the idea he has to obey me and it reinforces My Authority to discipline him if he disobeys.
Similarly to what I replied to Belle, having to verbally admit what I did and/or why she is going to punish is so hard to do and it without doubt puts the authority in bold relief. This was often embedded during a scolding in which she would make me answer things directly to her.
DeleteI am sure making him say he is being spanked because he disobeyed must be very empowering for you and role-enforcing for him.
DeleteMiss Cecilia,
DeleteThat's interesting how you make him state his misbehavior and admit that he disobeyed you while standing in front of you naked from the waist down. It certainly puts him in a vulnerable position in relation to his disciplinary wife. Are you seated in this scenario and holding the spanking implement?
I want my husband vulnerable but I am not into adding embarrassment to the physical punishment, which your description seems to do. So usually whatever conversation we have is with him already in position, where his package is not staring me in the face and we are not making eye contact. But I can see the possible benefits of the ritual you describe in terms of reinforcement.
Hi Dan,
ReplyDeleteAnd now I will weigh in a bit on the topic of “authority.” It is interesting, because when I used to think about all this a long time ago, before I was with someone who actually makes all my dreams come true, I really thought that this whole thing was about spanking.
However, now I have realized that it is only about spanking only to a very small degree. Sure, spanking probably needs to be part of it for it to be super impactful (in a non-punny way) to me, but really it is almost completely about authority. I need to feel subject to my wife’s authority.
And what makes it all the more interesting is that normally I am someone who hates and very actively fights authority in almost every way. It is a core part of my make-up, and I think even a key part of my success. I always fight, and I usually come out the winner, even though occasionally a bit scratched and bruised. :-)
Yet somehow, despite the fact that I seem to detest authority and will aggressively rise up against any authority, especially if it seems imposed, somehow I seem to feel the absolute need to willingly submit myself to my wife and allow (in fact NEED) her to impose her authority at will. I am pretty sure I will never understand myself!
One interesting thing happened this last week, which was making me think some about the whole authority thing. My wife is visiting family and friends in another state during our US time, and her close friends from many years back through a party for her. As she was with them, she did exactly like she did a few months ago with her sister and other close friend (the one who we both agreed would be the one we would tell if we had to tell someone). She talked about roleplay and about spanking, and they all had a great laugh about it.
I remember that I used to tell Dan that for me I thought it would be easier for someone to know that my wife has authority over me than to know that she spanks me. As time has passed, I have realized that - just as Dan said - the opposite is actually true, and not just for me but also for my wife. She can talk all she wants with close friends about spanking or anything like that, and nobody hardly bats an eye. And it is really not even all that embarrassing for me. However, what she cannot do is talk about the authority part (or maybe “power,” since she has no problem with the fact that she likes power). The fact that spanking can be quite easily talked about but authority would be almost impossible to mention firmly cements in my mind that authority is key to everything we do, since we almost never are able to openly talk about the things that are most important to us.
Anyway, great topic. I hope that someone sees this since I am posting very late in the cycle.
-ZM
ZM,
DeleteI find your post interesting because with my girlfriends it is just the opposite. We talk together about power over our husbands, usually "pussy power," though husbands will also do almost anything for a blowjob, but we do not discuss actual punishments such as spanking. It's as if it is OK to dangle the carrot in front of hubbie, but not to use the stick. When spanking is discussed it is the erotic form, and almost always the wife being spanked as part of foreplay.
But in terms of authority, in my generation it is OK for wives to have it and to talk about it.
I will add that the above situation is when girlfriends are in a group. One on one is a bit different and I have told a couple of girlfriends individually about our domestic discipline.
DeleteZM wrote: “I seem to feel the absolute need to willingly submit myself to my wife and allow (in fact NEED) her to impose her authority at will.“ Great comment and one I understand completely. It is authority exercised, imposed, accepted and obeyed that I respond to as seems to be so for you too. I like to describe it as loving female authority because it must be part of a loving committed relationship and it must be administered by a female I love and respect. Spanking has been the trigger for me but as several of our female contributors have noted, other discipline can be mixed in as well. It’s the firm and natural exercise of her authority as disciplinarian rather than any specific discipline that makes it all work.
DeleteBut the paradox as you say is the alpha character of our everyday life outside that authority exercised by our wives. One way to think about the apparent paradox is to remember that we humans are a mosaic of contradictions and anomalies. It is perfectly possible for two contradictory drives to exist in the same person - the powerful needed to submit to the discipline of your wife or girlfriend-- while at the same time remaining in every other aspect an aggressive alpha male. I have many times performed what I will call powerful social functions either sitting on a recently spanked bum or knowing I am going home to a reckoning over her lap. Both roles are me .It’s also romantic as hell when one considers that submission to loving female authority is to one women and one only. When our women discipline, they are giving a huge gift; but when we obey and submit to that discipline, so are we
Alan
Hi Alan,
DeleteExcellent thoughts. These contradictions are just beyond amazing to me, but they seem to characterize this whole thing we do.
And Belle,
I totally agree that it is socially acceptable for women to acknowledge that they have power over their men (the "pussy power" you alluded to), and also that when spanking is talked about it is almost always in an erotic context, and again it is socially acceptable.
I think this shows some of the difference between power and disciplinary authority. Power is something that you have intrinsically as a woman, because ultimately power is influence, and you have the pussy so you can influence a man greatly through his own desires. But disciplinary authority is something that is given by someone (except parental discipline, which is another whole different story), either by a spouse in an FLM/DD relationship, or in different times and contexts, by schools to principals, etc. In the end, I view the whole pussy power thing as basically being a form of bribery (and an effective one!), whereas disciplinary authority is more threatening. Both can get you what you want, but in different ways.
Anyway, while I can't seem to articulate exactly what I am thinking, I would sure love to explore the topic of authority further and get more people's inputs, since I think it is a large part of what makes me tick.
-ZM
Alan,
DeleteA teenage boy can be very independent and dominant in most situations but still very obedient to his mother. Maybe the wife is just stepping into that role of maternal authority in which many males feel comfortable. It helps him be alpha in the rest of his life when he can relax under that maternal authority. Maybe you all are still teenagers for life!
You think?
DeleteBelle said: “Maybe the wife is just stepping into that role of maternal authority…” I think that is true as far as the nature of the authority a wife assumes. It does resemble maternal authority in many ways. And if a husband has actually been under maternal authority at home it probably makes his wife’s job easier because he has been in the words of my former girlfriend “well trained” already. But that’s where the teenage analogy stops working because an adult consensual DD relationship is a unique situation in at least three major characteristics.. It is consensual. It is adult. And it is sexual.
DeleteNone of these are part of maternal authority or for that matter, being a teenager. But if you think of your husband as an eternal teen, you tend to infantilize him as well as implicitly rationalize his behavior. If a wife wants to deal with a forever teen that works probably but in our DD the goal is discipline toward better behavior and a stronger relationship. So when she punishes me it is as an adult who acted immaturely or childish or selfish but can and will improve and not as a naughty teen who will always be a naughty teen
Alan
Well, it's not an either/or, black/white thing. We are all so complex that there is plenty of room to accept and enjoy all aspects.
DeleteAnd teenagers are not infants.
I agree that our DD is adult, consensual, and sexual. At the same time, Jimmy often acts like a naughty teen. He drinks too much, he gets loud and obnoxious, he pinches my butt at the wrong times, he leaves his underwear on the floor. He is very responsible mostly, a good provider and protector but still with that fun-loving teen personality. I think a lot of guys are like that, including some here. And there's nothing wrong with it as long as the wife can rein it in when she needs to. Hence domestic discipline.
DeleteI see spanking as a juvenile form of punishment used to address juvenile behavior. That’s just what fits the world in which I live. An adult who acts immature or irresponsible, and a spanking is received in order to bring about awareness or change is basically, for all intents and purposes, a teenager under parental authority. Of course, it’s consensual, and may be sexual but, as punishment, the adult is not being treated as an adult. I see it as punishment of an inner child. Maybe that child learns the lesson and never needs to be punished for that issue again, or maybe it’s something that can only be partially and temporarily managed. I can relate to that as an actual teenager, who still required punishments for immature behavior and believed I was too old for spanking. The main difference with an adult is that they are in agreement with their partner’s authority, but I’m not sure why when getting spanked for that kind of behavior, they would not see themselves as, essentially, juvenile.
DeleteAdults spank each other for all kinds of reasons, even as non-sexual discipline, but in a DD or FLR lifestyle, the discipline aspect of it for me would be described as a parent-teen dynamic. Otherwise, we would handle all issues as two adults.
I agree with this ckmpletely, Brett, and Jimmy's immature teenage wildness is one of the things that attracted me to him and I still find it attractive at times and have no desire to curb his personality. But I do want/need to curb specific behaviors and know that I have power over him when I need it. DD has given me that power and right now we are more compatible than we have ever been. And as I said once before, I metaphorically kiss Dan on the cheek for this blog's role in our DD (as long as Anne allows it).
DeleteBrett wrote: “The discipline aspect of it for me would be described as a parent-teen dynamic”, Brett.I agree with everything you are saying including the last (quoted” description of female led DD having a “teen dynamic” But I think the perspective or expectations a couple have in terms of whether the discipline is “reactive” or “proactive” is important. A reactive wife expects her husband to remain a teenager and she uses discipline to manage and punish him when necessary but sees him as a forever teen emotionally. The proactive wife used discipline to manage the behavior also but seeks in various ways to move him permanently into adult function. She expects discipline will move them in that direction. Proactive discipline is dynamic bringing growth and insight into behavior .It doesn’t necessarily mean she is spanking less (it hasn’t for us) but she’s not spanking (very often) for the things she was five or ten years ago
DeleteAlan
Alan, I think the proactive for me is how I envision the parent-teen relationship. A parent would tend to be trying to move a teen towards being an adult, and that’s what I would want in a DD dynamic. There is the expectation that the lesson will ultimately be learned. If I was being punished, the message I’m receiving from her is “Look what I’m having to do. Grow up already.” However, I understand Belle’s situation. Some people, in some ways, remain eternally immature - that inner child never grows up - and we can acknowledge and accept the cycle of misbehavior, spanking, temporary improvement until starting the cycle over again. I think as long as the cycle isn’t allowing dangerous behavior, and the couple thrives on the power exchange, it can be very rewarding. I haven’t experienced it, so I’m not sure where my own inner child is capable of growth or not.
DeleteFace it, guys, if you were mature in all ways you wouldn't need to be turned over your wife's knee and have your bare bottom spanked like a naughty little boy. If you were self-disciplined in all things, you wouldn't need discipline imposed upon you by maternal authority. You may be an adult in 95% of your behaviors but you are not adult - and probably act like a teen - the other 5%. And your bottom pays for it. Sure, inspited by your wife's authority you may become more mature in some areas, but since it seems that very few DD couples get to the point where the wife thinks it is completely unnecessary, then some form of immaturity must linger. 50 going on 15. Bend over, hubbie!
DeleteWell, Belle, I think that is what most guys committed to, or looking for, a DD lifestyle want to hear. If a wife is convinced that her husband is 100% adult, and never needs the imposition of maternal authority, then DD, and even more so, spanking, is going to be irrelevant to the relationship. I believe, in my case, and probably many others, a spanking can significantly alter behavior. The reason for that could be growth and maturity, but at least as likely is the desire to avoid the punishment. I tend to think it’s more the latter. As adults, we’re typically either set in our ways, or we have the power to change what we want to change. Whatever immaturity or lack of discipline we’ve retained into adulthood, and hold on to regardless of our awareness of it, behavior can be improved because a strict wife is the assurance that there will be unwanted consequences. Why we consent to this is a puzzle for each of us to try to answer for ourselves.
DeleteBrett,
DeleteIs changing behavior to avoid punishment a sign of maturity? Or just coersion? I don't know and maybe it doesn't matter much as long as the behavior changes.
To me, the husband consents to DD because on some level he doesn't want to disappoint his wife any more than he wanted to disappoint his mother. He feels guilty for his immaturity, so accepts punishment.
Also, it's a turn-on for most DD husbands. So it's the best of both worlds: guilt is assuaged while erections are raised!
Belle,
Delete“Is changing behavior to avoid punishment a sign of maturity?”
I would say, no. When I was growing up, if a 5-year-old got a spanking, they learned to not do that again, but they were still that child. The idea is that plain reasoning with the child is not possible, or at least not persuasive enough. The hope is that the child will be guided and protected until they mature enough so that spankings are no longer needed. When an adult acts immature as a matter of routine, one has to wonder if that is correctable without professional therapy or counseling. Is a consensual spanking really going to get to the root of the problem? I think not, in-and-of-itself. That adult will have to find the answers within. The punishment is only a self-imposed consequence to act as a deterrent. It takes a strict DD wife to hold her husband to that consequence.
I can see where DD can be therapeutic, and with many possible practical benefits for both partners, but at the core of the whole thing for me is that it’s an arousing set of circumstances.
If arousal was the core of our DD, I wouldn't do it. Arousal is a side benefit. Behsvior modification is the core. Jimmy suggested it because we had been apart for more than three years and he wanted to get back together but knew I wouldn't agree without changes in his behavior that he did not know how to make on his own. The bath brush has helped him make them.
DeleteBelle, it’s a paradox for me. Without the core sexuality, I wouldn’t be interested in DD. But, without actual discipline, and the genuine intention of punishment and behavior modification, it wouldn’t be a turn on. So, if my wife told me she wouldn’t do it unless behavior modification is the central point of it, my answer would be, yes, you’re the person I’ve been looking for.
DeleteZM,
ReplyDeleteMy girlfriends and I see sex in three ways: 1 is romantic, you want to share this intimacy with someone you love. 2 is animalistic, you have this primal urge to copulate with someone you find attractive. 3 is transactional, you are exchanging sex for something you want from the other person. That 3rd form is the pussy power we use to bribe our husbands. In addition to being a bribe, it can be a punishment by threatening to withhold it if the husband does not do as the wife wishes, though we agree that pussy power works better when presented as a bribe. But it definitely can be used to wield authority, and the threat of withholding pussy is much more powerful than the threat of a spanking.
Where I see the difference is that when I withhold pussy I am punishing passively and causing emotional pain, whereas when I spank I am punishing actively and causing physical pain. The latter is a more obvious and direct demonstration of my power (authority) in the relationship. And a more obvious and direct show of my husband's submission. This is one of the many reasons I prefer spanking to withholding sex as a punishment.
Belle wrote: “Where I see the difference is that when I withhold pussy I am punishing passively and causing emotional pain, whereas when I spank I am punishing actively and causing physical pain. The latter is a more obvious and direct demonstration of my power (authority) in the relationship “
DeleteThis is very thoughtful and something I agree with strongly. In fact I consider withholding sex to(usually) be passive aggressive behavior and toxic in a relationship if it is chronic. Spanking is honest, active and positive, it gets issues out front immediately rather than smoldering and can resolve the problem (which withholding sex rarely does). This is a valuable insight. Thanks for sharing it with us
Alan
The male mind is so interesting. I can use transactional sex with him but it works much better as a promise rather than a threat. So if I say, "If you go wash the car I'll be naked and waiting," he hustles outside. But if I say "No sex until the car's washed," he pouts and resents it. Yet the transaction is exactly the same, and on some level he must know that.
DeleteYet with our domestic discipline it's just the opposite. The threat works better than the promise. If I say, "Do you need to go get your bath brush?" his behavior improves immediately. But if I say, "Be good and I won't have to spank you later," it has little effect. Threat over promise where with sex it is promise over threat.
DeleteSo promise pleasure and threaten pain to control the male psyche. Hmmm. Maybe it makes more sense than I thought.
Think of it like the terminals on a car battery: positive and negative. Sex is positive, so positive incentives like a promise of love-making work; punishment is negative, so negative incentives ( like a threat to spank)works. Remember he may like to fantasize about you spanking him -but he really doesn't want the spanking itself when it happens, so if he is at all like me he will sometimes dance close to the edge but he doesn't want to get too close.
DeleteAlan
Part of my macho man's personality is that he does not like to talk about or think deeply about these personal issues. And I need to respect that. The main reason I participate here is that all you spanked husbands give me great insight into mine. It is almost like you are speaking for him.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI'm replacing my original comments with further thoughts about all of this. The whole issue of "managing the inner teenager" if that is indeed what it was, and I'm perfectly OK if it was, only consumed a small portion of our relationship and an even smaller portion of the disciplinary relationship.
DeleteWe were life partners and both of us always did everything we could for the other person. She willingly took on doing a lot of stuff I wasn't good at or really hated to do. I literally did anything and everything I could figure out for her. So at the end of the day, while the whole spanking thing was valuable in building our closeness and trust, the meat of it was love and a commitment to being a team that had each others back - always and always.
This is a much more balanced portrait of a female led DD relationship. Belle’s 5 percent estimate of immature “teener” behavior is probably fair, although the incidence of that sort of behavior is probably substantially reduced over time with consistent discipline. A serious DD wife or girlfriend will want to see progress and if it doesn’t happen my guess is that she gives up on DD if not the entire relationship. So a female led DD more than a year or two old is likely to produce a pretty well behaved husband in terms of her original discipline objectives The one caveat to this in my experience is the number of disciplinary encounters doesn’t go down so dramatically both because she has become stricter about enforcing rules and she has moved the goalposts some as she became more comfortable using her authority .So I am today subject to spanking for behaviors not originally on her list especially attitudinal and housekeeping issues. But these kind if issues fall more into the category of disobedience or defiance rather than blatantly immature behavior
DeleteAlan
On tax day April 15 I celebrated one year of spanking my husband. He was drinking with me, but didn't exactly celebrate, haha.
DeleteI agree that his behavior has substantially improved since DD began, maybe 80% on the issue of respecting women. But we still have a ways to go on the respect issue because I am taking a no tolerance stand. And yes, I have gotten stricter.
I also have "moved the goalposts" some. I have realized that I can incorporate virtually anything I want in our DD. For instance, when we started household chores were not part of it, but now they are. I asked Jimmy how he feels about being spanked for not meeting my standards and timing on chores and he said he didn't love it but that "We fight less and have sex more, so I'm not complaining."
So as Alan mentions, the disciplinary encounters have not gone down. We probably average 1-2 per week. That means Jimmy's bottom barely has time to recover before it's getting spanked again. That's no problem for me.
Tomy, I hope our marriage gets to the ideal place that you describe for you and Aunt Kay. I envy your description. We are not yet at the point where we always have each other's backs. But we are in our mid-30s, so we hopefully have time to grow. After three years apart, we are both trying much harder, which is good.
Our marriage is much better this time around. We both are more mature, which is part of it. But a bigger part is that I now have more power in the relationship, where formerly he had more power (basically all of it). He might not want to admit it, but we are both much happier this way. This power transfer might have happened without domestic discipline, but for sure not as quickly or easily, and maybe not at all. And no way would our DD have happened without this blog. Thank you to every spanked husband (especially Dan and Tomy) and spanking wife who has participated here in the last 14 months. I owe you, which is one reason why I have increased my input.
Belle
This was confusing Belle....ScoldedHubby source of post?
ReplyDeleteLooks like she is a he
DeleteOh no! Our trust is violated and it makes me feel like a real fool for allowing my self to believe those compassionate-sounding words.
DeleteI feel like my confidence in reaching out and making new connections is set back.
Tomy, I don't know what's going on here, but I suspect that, with anything sexual in nature, men posing as women online is common. Oddly, I guess, is that the other way around is probably rare.
DeleteOne must wonder what his point was. Kicks and giggles I suppose. but what a lot of work just to produce a tacky charade. Call me naive but I still believe the vast number of contributors to this blog are authentic.
DeleteAlan
Hello ! Longtime french lurker outing with poor English. Some weeks ago, I'd say months, some very regular contributors expressed politely some serious doubts towards the reality of this person and ,as an avid and attentive reader, I thought they were probably right. The recent crescendo was embarrassing like a road to sadness. Please Tomi, don't feel ashamed or even betrayed by this fake person because his life is wide. I found the DWC in 2000 and learned important things about myself with Real people, and you were part of it ! Thank you !
DeleteI enjoy the fantasy of this subject, so I can understand the appeal of giving voice to the female side of the dynamic. I wouldn't do it, as it wouldn't feel right to mislead people, but considering the culture in which we live, it's going to happen and often.
DeleteThat is quite disappointing, since I really can't see any way that this doesn't shoot down his/her credibility.
Delete- If it is really a guy, and if he is really into spanking captions, then obviously his "female" perspective is going to be beyond useless, especially with all the claims that "she" is not motivated by fantasy, but rather desire for real behavior improvement.
- If it is really a woman, and the other profile (the one that she posts under as a guy who is into spanking captions) is obviously fraudulent, plus it undercuts the claim that she is not motivated by spanking fantasy.
- And of course if it was just her accidently posting using "Jimmy's" profile, then that makes everything she has said about Jimmy untrue, since he would obviously be a spanking fetishist.
Anyway, this is the ever-present danger of these online forums. As far as I know (unless we have some seriously good hackers here!) only Dan knows who I am in real life, and I only know who Dan really is as well as of course KD, who is out there for the whole world to see!
I don't think we should be disillusioned by the occasional poster who pretends to be someone they are not. It is common everywhere else in the online world, and so it will sometimes happen here as well. And when it does inevitably happen, it is often going to be a male poster pretending to be a female, as I will explain below.
It has been pretty clearly established by now - both here and elsewhere - that it is almost always the one who is wanting to be spanked or otherwise punished who has the fantasy (or whatever you want to call it), and the person doing the spanking, while they may even be turned on by it, generally does not have any deep-seated fantasy motivation, except perhaps in more S&M type play, and even then I believe the "bottom" is generally more turned on by it than the "top." In the case of domestic discipline where the husband is the one being spanked, it will then almost always be the man who is really turned on by it or fascinated by it, rather than his wife/partner. Following this blog regularly and posting many posts here is work (enjoyable work, but work nonetheless) so most people who do not have some sort of fantasy or sexual motivation are unlikely to keep coming back here and posting with much regularity. And since it will almost always be the spanked men who are much more motivated by desire or fantasy, it is reasonable to expect that the vast majority of posts here will always come from men, regardless of what name or gender they claim to be.
-ZM
And I agree with Alan, " the vast number of contributors to this blog are authentic."
ReplyDeleteI also believe we are basically a community of genuine people. All of society has it's weirdos so really we can't expect to be different.
DeleteI'm a little too sensitive for my own good. But by now I have shaken off most of the bad feelings associated with being scammed long-term.
Courandair's comments were very much appreciated by me :)
Thank you Sir, from the heart.
DeleteOkay. I still have a few residual feelings about the whole "Belle" scam. And it's just this. I would so enjoy seeing this guy, who has probably never experienced an F/m spanking in his life, be introduced to what that Bath Brush really is all about. Oh that would be wonderful!
ReplyDeleteThat might constitute the misuse of a good Bath Brush.
ReplyDeleteAlan
Good one Alan. I'll take humor 100% of the time :)
DeleteHow about a nice sturdy switch instead of a valuable manufactured implement?
Delete