Saturday, February 9, 2019

The Club Meeting #284 - For Each Crime, A Punishment

"If the same punishment is prescribed for two crimes that injure society in different degrees, then men will face no stronger deterrent from committing the greater crime if they find it in their advantage to do so." - Cesare Beccaria

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, Domestic Discipline relationships.  I hope you had a good week.

While tiring, this week was a little better than last.  Not as much socializing.  Things settling into a bit more of a routine, though I don't think there is any way to make business travel easy or healthy.  It's just a grind.  But, with the return of that grind and the temptations to unhealthy living that go along with it, the ebbing interest in Domestic Discipline that happened over the holidays is resurgent.  While I can’t say I am quite “ready” for, or “wanting,” a spanking, I definitely am due for one and probably "need" it in that twisted way that those who are driven to this thing we do understand.

Anne and I have been talking about how to get back on track; a conversation we've had perhaps too many times over the years, to such an extent that it's hard to deny that what we are lacking is not thought and planning but, rather, commitment and diligent execution.  Both my business life and my personal life impress that that truth upon me -- intention, planning, strategy -- all are absolutely worthless without committing to something in a real way and actually doing it even when inconvenient or hard.  It happened to us again this week.  For once, I carried through on my goal of self-reporting on Saturday morning, entering the week's bad behavior in the journal I bought her for Christmas. When Saturday night came around, she didn't order the spanking and I didn't bring it up.  And, honestly, that seemed OK at the time because we had not seen each other for most of the week, and some non-spanking intimacy seemed more important.  But, she did say she intended to do it the following day.  Then Sunday came around, and I managed to avoid punishment again. So, despite a step forward on the reporting front, and despite us both agreeing it was earned, and both agreeing it would happen, and both making efforts to make it happen . . . it still was avoided.  I’m not blaming at all.   We both were responsible for this fail.

It got me to thinking that we often focus on things we need to add to our DD routine to encourage effective and immediate punishment, but what we really need to focus on are the the impediments to it, i.e. the things we need to subtract in order to make room for discipline and also to make sure our commitment to it overcomes all the distractions and temptations.  One really obvious impediment is timing.  For whatever reason, we have almost always carried out her Domestic Discipline sentences on the weekends.  Part of the reason is, we both have busy jobs and our evenings are often filled with catching up on work related tasks or preparing for the next work day.  But, Sunday nights often aren't much better, nor are nights when I will be traveling the next day.  Those days are the WORST for making discipline actually happen, because we both are busy catching up on work stuff, preparing for the work week, and basically taking care of everything we need to get done in our "real" lives.  Laundry, dishes, grocery shopping, left over tasks from the week before, packing for travel, etc.  It just doesn’t leave enough time for much of anything else.

The challenge lies in the fact that my work life is getting busier and busier, and as a result I really need to be disciplined right now.  Not in the sense of corporal punishment, but in the sense that if I don't act in a disciplined way, i.e. don't focus at work and execute on the most important tasks day in and day out, I am going to fail.  And, if I can't manage to be self-disciplined, then that is where the corporal punishment does come in.  In light of those things, I made a couple of proposals to her.

First, our "rules" have always included things that focus on "personal improvement" and goal setting. I think of these things falling into the  category of "coaching" or "tough love."

With this new job, I need her "firm hand" more than ever.  Last year, there were times I was not performing all that well (largely because of boredom), but now the demands on my time are greater than ever.  I absolutely must pare down on the distractions, get focused, and stay up with things that I've shirked on in the past.  

Although in the past I have had lengthy lists of things on which I want to improve, when I look at the things that sap my time and energy or hold me back, there are really a handful that matter.  To be successful in this role while maintaining balance, I really need to focus on three things:

(1) Administrative shirking: There is one work-related activity that I won't specify here, as it is too revealing of what I do for a living, but it is an administrative task that is core to what we do but also incredibly annoying and distracting.  Ideally, I would keep up with it no less than daily, but because it is so annoying, I tend to put it off all week then spend way too much time every weekend trying to catch up. If I want to have time to unwind when I am home on the weekends, it is critical that I keep up during the week.

(2) Productivity: Despite having much I could be doing, I find myself distracted and unfocused, spending too much time surfing the ‘Net, chatting with colleagues, etc.  I spend too much time in the office for so much of it to be pissed away.

(3) Workouts:  I also need to stay healthy despite all the negative dietary and workout temptations that travel entails.  I am pretty self-disciplined when it comes to working out during the normal work week when I am working out of my regular office.  But, things really fall apart when I am on the road.  I regularly wake up at 5:00 am to workout when I am not traveling, but for some reason I just can't bring that same self-discipline to things when I am traveling.  Yet, it is those periods when I really need to workout more, because my diet also tends to get worse when living in airports and hotels.  So, if I don't find a way to exercise regularly, my health will suffer.

So, while there are other "personal growth" goals that are important, the preceding three really are the ones that matter the most right now, and they are the ones on which I have asked her to show me the most “tough love,” taking on the role of "success coach," and holding me accountable.  Much like getting spanked for a bad report card.


It is one of those things that fall comfortably into our discussion last week of maternal discipline.  Bad grades may not affect a mom directly, but she can have an important role in helping the failing or floundering student take responsibility, maintain focus and achieve important goals. 


In an entirely separate category is “payback," i.e. those things that have nothing to do with helping me perform for myself and everything to do with punishment for failings in my relationship with her.  This category is all about her having the ability to express her displeasure or annoyance with me in the most concrete way.  For those things that affect her personally (disrespect, eye-rolling, attitude, chores, etc.) she should always be empowered to spank or impose other punishment and to do so at her absolute discretion.  And, since those happen in her presence and both of us are available then and there,  ideally there should be immediate consequence for my behind.
       
Now, all of this got me thinking about some exchanges we had on this blog a few months ago with "Helen."  She talked about how important it was that each offense got its own punishment.  Spankings for each offense might be separated by only a few minutes, with him doing intervening corner time, but there was that separation.  This made a lot of sense to me, because otherwise there is almost a perverse incentive to keep offending after one spanking has been earned, since I am going to get one anyway.  Looking back, we did something a little like this at the very beginning of our DD relationship, when we would tally up offenses and the minimum number of swats associated with them.

So, I have suggested to my wife that we try to remove some of these impediments, get back to basics, and make sure there is always a disincentive to further offending after one spanking has been earned,  My suggestion to her is as follows (I have yet to get her input on this plan):

Every Saturday morning, I will fill out our journal by 10:00 am and bring it to her.  The key is that it will be filled out and discussed that morning before we run off to do errands, etc., and then an actual disciplinary "appointment" set.  If there are issues that need “addressing,” she will tell me that and set a time when we both will make ourselves available that afternoon or early that evening.  In the rare event that we just cannot make that day work, it has to happen on Sunday.  But, the key is there has to be an actual time set, so we both commit to it and know it is going to happen.  We can then plan our day around it, completing our errands and other commitments, or interrupting them as necessary so she can "take care of business."

In order to ensure each offense gets the treatment it deserves, there should be a “separate” spanking for each offense, separated by corner time or other waiting on my part.  We have a small sand dial, and my suggestion is that she she use it to measure out strappings in five minute increments.  So, each significant offense (such as each day I don't complete the annoying administrative task by the time I head home from the office) gets a strapping for five minutes.  Or, perhaps instead of measuring the time spent spanking, there might be some set number of swats with the paddle or strokes with the cane.  After each set is delivered, there would be a significant break, such as 5 minutes of corner time or time spent sitting at the foot of the bed.  During that period, she can go back to working on whatever tasks she needs to accomplish, or just watch TV or read a book.  But, the idea is to limit the impact on her time but maximizing it for me.  The intervening breaks also would serve to limit any numbing from the immediately previous spanking set, thereby maximizing the deterrent effect on a per-offense basis, ensuring that there is always an incentive to limit bad behavior because each offense gets treated separately.  Let’s say I missed four days of my annoying administrative task:



She would give me four separate "sessions," of five minutes each, for a total of 20 minutes but also with 20 minutes of intervening corner time.  So, she loses 20 minutes, but I lose 40. This could make for some very frustrating afternoons for me, and unlike our current “one size fits all” sessions, it would give me a real incentive to keep the number of offenses low. Given my issues with short attention span and the annoyance I feel when someone interrupts something I'm doing, imposing wait times that stretch what used to be a a 5 or 10 minute session into close to an hour could be more of a punishment than the spanking itself.

That was a very long introduction to this week's topic, which is whether you have implemented some similar program to ensure that separate offenses do not get lumped together into one session and to ensure that there is always an incentive to behave better, even after one spanking has been earned but has not yet been delivered?

For me, the prospect of separate spankings really does affect my mind-set and, I think, my behavior. While on the road this week, I had already done some things to earn a spanking.  However, on Thursday when I was tempted to sleep an extra hour and skip a workout in the hotel gym, the thought came into my head that I was just earning myself another five minute strapping by doing that, and that the tally was already unpleasant to contemplate.  So, I got up and did the workout.  And, I am about to go do one now!

Have a great week!

53 comments:

  1. Hi Dan... good topic for those still working. In our case, both retired, we solve the multiple spankings issue, by delivering the punishment as soon as possible after the incident. We spend most of our time together so when misbehavior occurs, a spanking follows immediately. We cannot wait for an evening or weekend day to punish for the weeks infractions. I fully realize this concept will not work for working couples or those with children about the house. We do however agree there should be one spanking for each offense and if two offenses were committed at one time, I would receive two punishments separated only by enough time for her to announce the next punishment is for XXXXX.
    When I said immediately after the incident, immediately means as soon as possible. I have been punished when away from home, but most often at home even for an offense committed away from home if a spanking is not possible where we are. I have been spanked at a friends home before when she did not want to wait until we got home. Anyway, all this means is how we handle the issue of multiple infractions.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi SC. In addition to those who are still working or have kids in the house, it also may be good for those who, for whatever reason, just can't or don't want something more 24x7. I also imagine some disciplinary wives would prefer to concentrate on one session a week and might feel that more than that was too much of a chore. Though, I agree the ideal would be immediate consequences.

      Delete
  2. And I am sitting here (and have been for over an hour) waiting for Shilo to get out of bed so I can wash the blankets and other bedding so we can sleep in a clean bed tonight. It only promises to get worse.Let's just say this is my punishment for not getting it done on his work nights this week.

    Discipline hasn't been consisting of spankings, but instead, moments of exasperation over things that I am faced with, and concern over his health. What does a Disciplinary Wife do when her Husband is seriously ill, and knowing that it may well be a permanent thing? I don't have anyone that I can consult with on this situation.

    If there is someone, anyone with this type of experience, it would be helpful.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Merry. While I feel for you and hope things improve, I'm not much help in that particular area.

      Delete
    2. It's okay.

      I'm just taking it one step at a time.

      Get a PSA test, please?

      Delete
  3. Alot of good thoughts Dan. I can relate on a few items...work is insane and when I am hope doing a spanking versus reconnecting is not a choice we enjoy making. Add that #4 is due to be born next month you would expect things to be languishing. However, for us the opposite has happened.

    Starting back in Nov I started struggling with some of those same bad habits that were close to resolved due to our arrangment. Throughout Dec and early Jan we talked alot about what discipline does and does not do, getting very specific and ripping off some old scabs on my part. We took an accounting of where I had been and where we are now. She realized this is a real way to help me. It is like something clicked for her. So frequency has not picked up but she is intentional about doing it. It is like she understands better now that we dug one level deeper.
    For us each infraction does usually get a separate punishment. However, when they pile up I get other punishments (no alcohol, lengthy timeouts, no screens except for work, etc.). But we recently did 3 minute spankings each night before bed...which I think is worse than doing 15 minutes at once, getting a paddle on a day old sore bottom is unforgetable.

    We do time versus number of swats. She can vary implement, intensity, speed, etc. This keeps me from just "sucking it up" and pushing through. It is more effective for us.

    I am curious how getting spanked for things at work go. I suffer from many of the same issues at work but we dont spank for them. Keep us posted.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi SR. Those "something just clicked for her" moments are great. Mine had one last year after reading The Hesitant Mistress book. She said that for the first time she really and truly got that I really want this. I thought that was funny, given that we have been at it for close to 15 years! But, she said she just always had this nagging feeling that I would walk away from it, because who would really want to be spanked and punished and bossed around like this? But, somehow reading that book helped it all click for her. That's really great that you were able to dig that one level deeper.

      Delete
  4. Since you and your wife have a very full communication about your needs, and you already plan together to try to make things happen in an optimal way, I wonder what, aside from the logistics you wrote about, is still interfering. She reads this Blog. So heaven knows it's not more information sharing.

    It seems like you need something "out of the box". Something beyond what the two of you, with so much communication and intention, are already doing or trying.

    You have written before about accountability and that's where I am going with this. If we were talking about issues in a vanilla relationship one suggestion would be couples counseling. And at least one useful part of couple's counseling is that both parties know they will be reporting on their follow-through the next time.

    If you two could find a way to really connect with another DWC couple, a disciplinary woman, or possibly a wise and compassionate pro, and enroll them as a coach, that might be a game changer.

    Yes Dan, what I am suggesting is definitely out-of-the-box for you for so many reasons. It is out of your comfort zone and, at least in your mind, risking the danger zone. But there is my recommendation.

    Have a nice day, both of you....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Honestly, your suggestion is *not* very far out of *my* comfort zone. My wife likely is another matter. But, even if she were open to it, the logistics seem daunting:

      (1) There is only one person that I am personally in direct contact with who is in a DD and FLR relationship, but she struggles with consistency even more than I do. It's really hard in practice to even consider connecting with another DWC couple, because so few who participate here are remotely OK with blowing their confidentiality. I honestly don't know how you and Kay succeeded in that -- please weigh in on that if you are so inclined.

      (2) sCouples counseling is something I've thought about, not because our relationship is bad but just because it can always be better. But, the challenge would be finding a counselor who is familiar with DD or who, at the very least, would be cool with being an active participant in facilitating such a lifestyle. I will admit, I have thought from time to time about whether such a "life coach" role could be an option for me in the future, but it would have to be a virtual kind of coaching . . .
      (3) The "wise and compassionate pro" also sounds good in theory; the challenge is finding one that is wise and could be a real facilitator for a DD relationship, and not just someone getting paid to act out a Femdom fantasy.

      Delete
    2. Search for the Kink Aware Professionals Directory.

      Delete
    3. I found the KAP directory and searched. There seems to be quite the market niche for anyone looking for a second career. In my state, there were a handful of people offering "life coach" services, but nothing that mentioned DD or anything like it.

      Delete
    4. "I honestly don't know how you and Kay succeeded in -- please weigh in on that if you are so inclined.

      During all those years there was never, even once, an issue of anyone violating anyone else's confidentiality. We had visitors from all over the globe. If we didn't have a good feeling about someone we were in communication with, we just kept it all virtual. But those phonies or trolls, if you will, were a minute minority. So what I am saying is there was, and probably still is, an intrinsic shared respect in most of our little world niche. You can tell after a few rounds of communication.

      Delete
    5. Can you? There have been a few recently, where I look at what they were saying a couple of years ago about how they got here, and I look at what they are saying now, and they aren’t the same thing. Like, they just aren’t reconcilable. And, that change is happening after a few hundred blog entries. So, while I think I have a good feel for a few who I absolutely think are genuine, I think there are a few others who seemed very real at first, and now I’m just not sure.

      Delete
    6. I agree with Tomy re the "intrinsic shared respect". My experience is the same. I had only good experiences.

      Delete
  5. “The best laid schemes o' mice an' men / Gang aft a-gley.”---Robert Burns

    No matter how carefully we carve out an agenda, there is no guarantee things will play out as we planned. DD is a prime example of this......for all of us. Iis dependent on willingness along with mood, opportunity, and a multitude of factors. But having any kinf of DD understanding in effect is already an accomplishment beyond what many may ever achieve, So.....

    "Enough is as good as a feast."-----English Proverb

    It's a tricky balancing act to decide when to just smile, accept, and appreciate what one has and when to strive to further mold things closer to our desired ideal. Maybe working towards consistency is a noble goal, but maybe just going with the flow and not worrying about ramping things up is an equally noble one?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I totally agree that no matter how we plan and strategize, things rarely work out according to our schemes. But, my (perhaps Pollyanna-ish) hope is that it is kind of walking up a circular staircase -- you may return to the same horizontal point, but at a slightly higher elevation. Or to use perhaps a better metaphor, even if it is two steps forward and one step back, that still is moving forward over time.

      I don't agree as much that not worrying about ramping things up is a noble goal, at least not given where we are now. I do think we both want this and we both do want to ramp it up. It's just hard to overcome distractions, resist temptations and step firmly out of our respective comfort zones. I agree that we can't be too hard on ourselves when things do interfere, because they always will and because we are human. But, that's different than saying the status quo is noble.

      Delete
    2. >>>>"I don't agree as much that not worrying about ramping things up is a noble goal,"<<<

      I thought for sure that would appeal to your Zen inclinations.

      Anyway, I'm not saying that it's not worth working towards improvement, but sometimes I think it's counterproductive for me to think that way. I can easily create an almost DD-Utopian image of what a perfect arrangement would be......and then subsequently become increasingly depressed as our own DD fails to live up to the ideal.

      And then I think: "why am I doing this to myself? I am living a DD life with people who also enjoy it and while not perfect, it's better than what a lot of DD-desirers have going." And then if I just relax into appreciating what I have, things tend to even work out better.

      Like I said, it's a tricky balance of knowing when to seek contentment and when to push for improvements. Perhaps improvements are a noble goal, and what I should have said was that maybe seeking contentment is an equally noble one?

      Delete
    3. It could be the “noble” part I quibble with, but more profoundly the goal. Most Zen people I know would say that having the “goal” to attain a different state of enlightenment, including contentment, is itself an impediment to such enlightenment. :-)

      But, more seriously, that is always the issue, right? Is contentment a good thing because it recognizes what is and makes that OK, or is it just giving in and giving up. I think the answer to that is pretty simple — does it feel like you are really fine with what is and the striving is being imposed from outside or, conversely, does it feel like you really want something *more* and people just keep telling you that you should be content with the status quo?

      I am spitballing here, but I think the answer may depend on, do you think that you have really surrendered to your current situation and are, thus, content? Or, do you feel like to bring about that surrender you need someone to push you harder, challenge your limits, and basically push you until you really surrender in a way that is really about giving up the the control and the ego and the desire to sort of let go but not really? I know where I fall on that spectrum. I have not really surrendered, because I cannot quite get myself there. If I could, I’d just do it. Because maintaining the illusion of control kind of sucks. So much better to genuinely let go, yet so much easier said than done.

      Delete
    4. I think it comes down to this: I recall a few instances where you said Anne initiated a punishment without any prodding from you. That clearly says she's in control when she chooses to be and that is a defining act. So really, while consistency is a definite goal, how frequently or consistently it happens may not be as important as knowing it has happened and may well happen again? I sometimes look at it that way with Rosa. Sometimes things just lead her away from thoughts of DD and I drift into the weeds.........but if she is in the right frame of mind, she needs no goading from me, and THAT does define her authority, making her control real. Just a thought.

      Delete
  6. This is Elizabeth. As I have related, we only have one session a week. But we do not lump separate offenses into one punishment. Frank maintains his weekly list, and we address each offence separately although consecutively. He reads his list to me. For each item, I assign a number of strokes. That is based on the offense and also how recently it has been committed previously. I also decide on the implement. We primarily use my sorority paddle and a long strap that Frank made for us. But I may assign other implements as well.

    Ironically it is my concern about the frequency of punishment sessions that led to our weekly consistency. At the beginning, he was reporting to me daily, and almost every day there was something deserving of punishment. But with children in the house, that was impossible. And in addition, I began to feel resentful about how domestic discipline was monopolizing our relationship.

    Over time we gravitated towards Friday night sessions, because that's when our teenage children usually were out of the house at high school football or basketball game followed by a party.

    Now we meet every Friday and review his list and mine. I do agree that there would be an advantage to immediate correction, but I think for most couples that is just a fantasy. And even though he has to wait a week to be punished for some offenses, there is no question that the paddle and strap are effective in improving his behavior.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Elizabeth. I totally get the sentiment expressed in your second paragraph. Domestic Discipline clearly requires a lot of work, and FLR even more so, at least if it is in any way "real." I agree that no matter how attractive the idea seems to me sometimes, daily reporting just doesn't seem realistic, because it is too burdensome on her and, as you say, risks monopolizing the relationship. Yet, immediate correction plainly is more effective in most contexts. Therefore, the balance I was trying to strike with the plan proposed above was (a) working on "my" stuff, i.e. things that are really for my own improvement or performance enhancement, would happen only once a week; but (b) things that impact her or piss her off can--and ideally should--be dealt with immediately or at the first opportunity that is convenient for her.

      Delete
  7. Dan,
    We actually have a similar arrangement. I can call for a punishment session at any time. It hasn't happened for a while, and I try to avoid it because it usually means I am swinging the paddle in anger, and I swing hard enough as it is. The last time it happened he was way late from work when we had a dinner date with my best friend and her new beau. He had totally forgotten about it. I had already let them know we would be 90 minutes late, which gave me 30 minutes to set his behind on fire with both the paddle and the strap. Which I did. For once we did not count strokes. Then at the restaurant I asked for a table rather than a booth so he had to sit on a wooden chair instead of a cushion. It was a delightful dinner and my husband was extremely apologetic to the other couple. He also did an awful lot of wriggling in his seat ...
    Elizabeth

    ReplyDelete
  8. Lovely anecdote Elizabeth. Thanks for sharing it

    Dan and K.D.s conversation is a gift for all readers. As for me, I continue to have things I strive for in life. But my years of contentment were probably the best of my life.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Tomy. I am beginning to think Dan and I should have our own radio talk show or online podcast. We'd naturally discuss DD .....but also include a brief political recap of the week and end with a booze recommendation. ;-)

      And I think you have a great outlook.

      Delete
    2. That’s the best semi-retirement plan I’ve heard yet!

      Delete
  9. Dan
    I have read this week's blog several times. Perhaps it is just me, but you seem in desperate need for the
    benefits of discipline. Perhaps i am wrong but it seemed to me in your writing especially about administrative
    shirking and productivity there is a plea for the need for discipline.
    I often recognize in Peter those signs of shirking etc. I now take that him asking for discipline at once. After
    talking with him about it I suggested we try a new approach. When he feels that need for spanking to reset
    his mind, I suggested he just come to me and ask for it. We tried it this past sunday He was feeling he
    needed a spanking asap. I sent the boys to the car wash with Peter's car as well as mine. It gave us an hour.
    While I sent the boys off Peter stripped and waited in our bedroom.
    Using a belt 10 hard ones then a pause for him to talk. If words didn't come 20 with a belt. Long story short after 40 with the belt and 10 with a paddle. He talked.
    I think trying to understand how and why it works, doesn't matter. If Peter came to me and told me he was ill
    I wouldn't try to arrange a time in a few days to get him help. Men like you and Peter need this. Let your wives
    be help. I know Peter doesnt want to be a submissive and I certainly dont want that. I want my partner back!
    anna

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Anna. I absolutely need the benefits of discipline. I think the more open issue is whether asking for it gets me there. I get Peter's need for a spanking, but it seems like from what you are saying that is what he craves . . . the spanking. I think what I crave is the spanking that is *imposed*, i.e. ordered almost against my will. The more I direct the action, the less it is meeting whatever the need is that I have. Not that there aren't times that I feel the need to ask, but even then it is more about the need for penance and accountability.

      Delete
  10. Dan,
    If your wife agrees to the Saturday accounting and it becomes regular, then the punishment will not only feel imposed, it will be - because you have to report each Saturday whether you want to or not. What has been her response?
    Elizabeth

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Elizabeth. As I will report more in Saturday's posting, she agreed to it. Though the spanking was delayed until Sunday. As a result, three days later I am sitting on a still very sore ass.

      Delete
    2. A very sore behind and hopefully very improved behavior. If so, wear your marks with pride and a sense of new motivation, as Frank does!
      Elizabeth

      Delete
    3. Will we ever get a report from anne regarding any changes in attitude this week?
      So proud of you keeping at it.
      Love to you both
      Anna & Peter

      Delete
  11. Dan, you have heard this many times before. But here it is.

    Voltaire, the French writer, said, “The best is the enemy of the good.” Confucius said, “Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I generally agree, and I've used that Voltaire line very often in my business, we also admire the Steve Jobs of the world who seek perfection in everything, and while their products and works never attain perfection, the pursuit of perfection means what they do achieve is usually better than the achievements of those who were less demanding. As Vince Lombardi said, "Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence."

      But, as came up in the above discussion with KD, the line between contentment and complacency is indistinct.

      Delete
    2. "I am little concerned with beauty or perfection. I don't care for the great centuries. All I care about is life, struggle, intensity. I am at ease in my generation." ----Emile Zola

      While I don't agree completely....since I am a bit more than a little concerned with beauty and a degree of perfection, it is an interesting alternative perspective.

      Delete
    3. Great quote. And, while I try really hard to go Zen, the fact is I remain a Nietzschean striver at heart — all about the struggle and intensity.

      Let’s keep talking like this. It seems to bore the trolls and make them seek spankier pastures

      Delete
    4. Struggle and intensity IS a spanker pasture.
      Elizabeth

      Delete
  12. The line may be indistinct. But the territory on either side is very recognizable.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Is it? I agree that if you’ve found contentment you know it. I’m not sure that those on the complacent side of the line can tell the difference

      Delete
    2. Complacency includes an element of contentment. But it is a contentment that derives from ignorance or self-delusion. Ambition does not preclude contentment in my thinking - or apparently Zola's.

      Delete
    3. I have noticed that too. Those on that side of the line tend to defend complacency by claiming it's contentment. But we all use different forms of self-delusion to get through a day, so who's to say they're wrong? I mean if complacency 'feels' like contentment...... then isn't it? ;-)

      Delete
    4. KD, definitely some truth in that last sentence

      Delete
    5. There are many sources of contentment which are not healthy, like complacency. For me it used to be food. For Frank, spanking porn. Neither is the case since we began DD. Which brings up what could be an interesting topic: How has the disciplinary wife changed since she began wielding the paddle? (This could be answered by either spouse or both).
      Elizabeth

      Delete
    6. My point is that holding him accountable has improved my ability to hold myself accountable.
      Elizabeth

      Delete
  13. If I were chairing this meeting, this is about the time I would clear my throat and ask if maybe we should return to the agenda (if anyone remembers what it was)
    Alan

    ReplyDelete
  14. Yes, and those who stray too far off topic perchance are due for punishment. A separate punishment, of course ...
    Elizabeth

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Definitely. We all should note that offense in our journals

      Delete
  15. This is Elizabeth's Frank. It occurs to me that the cheerleader in the picture appears to have just paddled Joe Montana orJohnny Unitas (the two most famous football players who wore number 19). If either of them deserved a paddling, then every man does!

    ReplyDelete
  16. We have trouble with this also. My wife has a tendency to scold me as I'm getting spanked and she will bring it up. Once she's done however I am assured that in the next day or two we will get to the next issue. She is usually good about following through although not always. It was easier to find the time when she started spanking me in front of a couple of her close friends. It wasn't my favorite solution as it's very humiliating but her response to that is that I'm the one who earned the punishment so if it was worse for me too bad. But then we have no kids at home to worry about.

    ReplyDelete

This blog is a curated resource for those genuinely and positively interested in DD and FLR lifestyles. Comments that are rude, uncivil, inconsistent with the blog's theme or off-topic may not be posted or may be removed.