No (Real) Post This Week

When we try to be something that we are not, we become the slave of a rigid, fixed mind, following a rule about how things have to be. The violence and the anger in us remain unnoticed, because we are caught in our pictures of how we should be.” ― Charlotte Joko Beck

Hi all.  I apologize for not posting anything substantive for two weeks in a row, but Tomy gave me a two-week dispensation.  KD advised that I post something that isn't spanking related in order to just mix things up a bit.  He gave me permission to use one of his cartoons, which illustrates that some of us on the receiving end of a DD relationship probably do need to work a little to ensure it isn't a bit all-consuming. 

But, while I think KD is right about my need to rebalance a bit in terms of my focus when it comes to creative endeavors, I think I am going to take Tomy's advice and just lay off of blogging entirely for another week.  For the last month, it has seemed more like a chore than it should, and it also has been taking up WAY more time than I can comfortably give right now.  I'm staring down five or six weeks of pure hell at work, and I just don't have hours a day right now to spend on this, particularly given how much of that time has become just plain not fun or productive.  So, while I do plan to post again soon, the posts may be pretty short for the next few weeks until I get past this incredibly busy period.  I am also noodling other things I might want to do that are DD related, but that are both wider in subject matter and narrower in venue.  We'll see . . .

In the meantime, I leave you with this.  Not because it has any meaning at all, but simply because I thought it was pretty damn funny.

 

Have a good week!

Dan

Delayed Post

Today's regularly scheduled post will be delayed.  Probably until next week.

The Club - Meeting #267 - Après Spanking

"Immorality: the morality of those who are having a better time." - H. L. Mencken

Hello all. Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, Domestic Discipline or Female Led relationships.

I hope you had a good week.  Mine was pretty decent, right up until last night.  It sometimes seems like self-control is a finite resource, and once it is used up over the course of a few days, it's just gone and the pendulum swings dramatically in the other direction.  Very disappointing.  A line from the movie Tombstone keeps playing in my head.  "My dear, it appears we may need to re-define the nature of our association."  But, it's not easy re-defining oneself, is it?  As Oscar Wilde observed, "But, then one regrets the loss even of one's worst habits.  Perhaps one regrets them the most. They are such an essential part of one's personality."  

This week's topic is, as  promised, an extension of a discussion kicked off by Alan.  In discussing the role sex plays--or does not play--in his disciplinary arrangement, he observed:

[E]arlier I did experience lovemaking immediately after spanking which I remember as a passionate and intimate experience. My wife feels strongly about this, believing that sex works against the disciplinary effects of a spanking and so I am unlikely to change her mind. But it would be interesting in this community to know how much or little lovemaking is allowed by our wives and girlfriends. From reading I have the impression my situation is pretty common and Helen’s rare, but could be wrong.

 I honestly don't know which approach to sex after a spanking is common and which is rare. I definitely appreciate the view that discipline should be separated from sex, in order to make the discipline more effective and to make sure that discipline really is, well, discipline.

Many men who are attracted to this lifestyle seem to crave "authenticity."  They need it to be real.  Real discipline for real offenses. It's why there really is a danger of "be careful what you wish for; you might get it."  Some wives, like Alan's, decide that there really does need to be a clear separation between discipline and sex.  As I recall, Anna and Peter also fall into that camp.

Although I appreciate the logic of that position and intellectually it makes perfect sense to me, our practice is different.  We almost always do have sex after a disciplinary session, though we seem to be drifting a little in the opposite direction.  It hasn't been so much a conscious choice and, like so many other things in our life, our practice in this area may have been influenced by the presence or absence of children.   I suspect that we often had sex after discipline sessions not because the two were linked together in our minds, but because there were limited times when we were (a) both physically present; (b) not working or occupied with other things; and (c) kids were in bed or gone.  So, both sex and spanking happened on those rare occasions when the stars aligned on all three of those factors.  Now, with longer periods in which the kids are not around, she is free to "take care of business" when the need arises, and it isn't followed by sex as often.  And, like Alan, I do get very into my wife's power and authority after a spanking and feel a strong need to express that with real intimacy.

There also seemed to be a current in the comments last week of some women simply not being turned on after a spanking.  Quite the opposite.  His behavior has pissed her off, the spanking is serious business, so sex is simply not an option for her at that time.

And, then there are those women who flat-out get aroused by the whole thing, whether by the actual act of punishing their husband in this undoubtedly intimate way or by exercising their own power.

Which approach to sex governs your relationship?

 

The Club - Meeting #266 - All Dressed Up . . .

"I can take care of my enemies, but Lord protect me from my friends."  -- Voltaire

Hi all.  I hope you had a great week.  It was an interesting one, on all sorts of levels.  The discussion was interesting, though probably a good reminder to me that, while I reserve the right to post about politics when I feel the need, it probably won't be something I do very often.  And, when I need that outlet, KD's blog almost always serves as one.  Thanks again to him for letting me borrow his artwork.  

Regarding the actual topic, ZM wins the prize for most astute observation: "Having said all this, probably most of us are just fooling ourselves anyway, because our very perceptive offspring probably can put together the subtle clues and may be much more aware of our activities than we think they are!" Well said and almost undoubtedly true.

As is all too often the case, I find myself totally worn out on this beautiful Saturday morning, and while it is mostly my fault, not entirely.  Unless peer pressure is just never an excuse and I must be 100% resistant to temptation all the time.  

As usual, it all comes down to me liking alcohol just a little too much, and having too many friends who fit in that same category.  I had some mid-week business travel, culminating in a business dinner.  Interestingly, it began with all of us refusing the bread basket at the beginning of the meal based on our low-carb diets, and ended with us demolishing that bowl, and carbs with our dinners, and then dessert!  Along with a bottle of wine.  I suspect sometimes that my fondness for booze really is just another aspect of sugar addiction, and they certainly seem to at least be mutually enforcing.  Unfortunately, the night didn't end there, as I went back to the hotel with the intention of having "a" nightcap.  Then, a work colleague called regarding something we needed to cover.  She too was in a hotel bar, and we ended up having real drinks "together" in the virtual world of a cellphone conversation separated by several hundred miles.  I had to fly again the next day, getting an unanticipated upgrade to First Class, and the flight attendants seemed particularly attentive in refilling my glass.  The net result was total exhaustion and, frankly, one of those "why the fuck do I keep doing this to myself" moments of self-awareness in which I promised to get on the right track and seriously pondered getting started on a belated Sober September, which I understand is kind of a "thing" these days.  And, I really meant to do it.  Then, my wife set up an an unanticipated get together with another couple, at an Oktoberfest of all things, and I'm just not wired to stay perfectly sober when surrounded by a bunch of people wearing lederhosen and carrying tankards of good beer.  Hence, the Calvin & Hobbes cartoon and the qoute from Voltaire.   But, I really do need to pick myself up, dust myself off, and try once more to get my shit together.

Perhaps because my mind is basically jello after several days of abusing myself, but also because finding topics remains challenging, this week's topic is probably one some will find a little boring, but I just can't think of anything more profound or worth covering right now.  And, as is often the case, comments from one week help feed the beast for a subsequent week.  A couple of weeks ago we got off-topic to a discussion of canes (and I have since bought several, some of which may get tried out this weekend).  TommyTucker observed:

 

"When C canes she invariably dresses in a sleeveless dress or shirt because she has found that a completely bare right arm enables her to swing that cane with no interference from loose clothing. I personally find it very erotic when C dresses in a sleeveless dress on a normal day or evening, because I am reminded of those occasions when that bare right arm has come down hard on me."

Similarly addressing the issue topic of spanking-devoted dressing up by our Disciplinary Wives, ZM discussed his wife's adoption of a camouflage shirt as her signal that a spanking was coming:

"The camouflage shirt was her idea, and it flowed out of us making this an extended boot camp time where she would intentionally be more demanding and significantly raise her expectations. The idea was to make a big deal out of small details so that I would become more conscientious, and hopefully as I learned to take care of small things, some big things would improve as well. We were joking about her being the drill sergeant, and she was like "I have just the thing to wear!"

Once we had ascribed special meaning to that shirt, it suddenly became a very clear signalling device. This has been especially useful during these summer months, when our house has been full. If she walks in the room wearing that shirt, nobody else will notice in the least, but for me, time stops. I then know that I have dome something wrong and she has decided to punish me as soon as we are alone. One additional "benefit" (though I am not really sure it is positive), is that once she puts on the shirt, she is also basically committed because she knows she sent the signal."

For women more than men, clothing really seems to hide as much as it reveals,

 and you certainly cannot judge a book by its cover.

We really don't have any such ritual, though it has been on my mind a lot since ZM brought up the camouflage shirt.  As was the case with for some of us with certain tools, certain aspects of Domestic Discipline do seem to take on a ritualistic significance, and I can see how dressing a certain way could become significant in that way.  And, while we don't really incorporate a particular kind of dressing up into our Domestic Discipline activities, I have noted that when my wife is having particular success in becoming more dominant, her daily dress does become more professional and structured, which I personally love.

Do the Disciplinary Wives adopt any special outfit, whether to signal a spanking is coming or for purposes of carrying out the disciplinary event? Do you find the ebbs and flows of disciplinary dominance are reflected in your partner's dress?

DCC Meeting #265 - Implements, The Final Hiding

“We gather to mourn the passing of American greatness — the real thing, not cheap rhetoric from men who will never come near the sacrifice, those that live lives of comfort and privilege while he suffered and served. America does not boast because she has no need to. The America of John McCain has no need to be made great again because America was always great.” – Meghan McCain

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or want to be in, Domestic Discipline or Wife Led Relationships.  I hope you all had a great week.  Mine began with a bit of remote, though genuine, mourning.  I was always a huge fan of John McCain.  He was one of my political heroes for many years, which is why it pained me so much not to vote for him in the general election in 2008.  I just couldn't bring myself to cast a vote to put Palin anywhere near the White House.

But, though I was disappointed in McCain as a candidate, he remained a role model for me as a person.  So, I do genuinely mourn his loss, along with the loss of a view of politics that honored statesmanship over tribalism.  He really does seem to be virtually the last of an era of politicians who would, at least every once in a while, elevate the national interest over party politics.  And, at least he made up the whole Palin thing to me in the end by not inviting her to the funeral!  

Now, on to less profound thoughts, and last week's "implements" topic certainly fits.  As dry and boring as a conversation about spanking implements can be, we did with last week's topic what we could.  At least a few people talked about the actual topic, which was whether particular implements were associated with particular emotional responses, but I guess it was inevitable that much of the conversation would drift into each implement's respective merits as a correction tool. Perhaps that collective advice was, at a minimum, helpful for any DD newbies who might have been visiting here last week.

This week's topic extends our discussion about implements, but looks at the opposite end of the temporal DD spectrum, focusing on those who have been in DD a long time.  A very long time.  It also sort of ties into the above discussion about funerals and the passing of our elders, though definitely a less serious and somber aspect of that theme  I'll illustrate the topic with this cartoon by our own KD Pierre.  I hope he doesn't mind me plundering his works--which you can find at http://mattmansfigures.homestead.com/cartstart.html--without his advance consent, but I had the inspiration for this topic this morning and didn't have time to ask him.

Most of us put a lot of thought and planning into making sure our kids don't find out about our Domestic Discipline practices, but have you but that same kind of thought and planning into making sure they don't find out about it after you pass? Or, do you even care if they find out once you're gone?  Are you horrified, amused, or just plain uninterested at what such discovery might mean for your legacy?  Perhaps it's not an issue for those whose DD "tools of the trade" are confined to brushes and kitchen spoons, but what about those with a more exotic collection?  Have you made any arrangements to ensure your family and friends won't stumble across your DD activities when they are divvying up your stuff after the funeral?

We once did have such a plan, though it is so outdated now that I doubt it would actually work if we both passed without warning.  I have talked about the fact that there is one person who knows about our DD lifestyle; a mutual friend I told about it some time ago.  When I told her about our activities, she asked how we kept my wife's tools hidden, and I told her we keep them in a locked chest, along with some other adult "novelties."  She's a very smart lady, and she asked whether we had a plan in place to get rid of that chest if the worst should happen.  We didn't, and she volunteered to take possession and get rid of it if something should happen to us. That would, of course, involve making such arrangements in a will, and therein lies the gap in my plan.  We do have a will, but it's outdated and I haven't added anything dealing with disposal of our little adult toy collection.  Also, over time I migrated much of the collection to a locked suitcase, but I also have left other tools in more accessible places where they would inevitably be found if someone goes pawing through all our stuff after we're gone. As things stand, if something were to happen to us unexpectedly, I have little doubt that family and friends inevitably will find the evidence of our extracurricular activities, though they may be left scratching their heads about who was spanking whom.  Though, even that might be revealed if anyone were to find old written journal entries, forms we've used for weekly reports, etc.

Also, part of me hates the thought that this thing that has meant so much to us would just be tossed aside literally, in a locked box bound for the garbage dump, after we're gone.  Helen talked last week about wishing she had the brush her mother used on her and her brothers, and Anna talked about using a belt that came from Peter's grandfather (though she didn't say whether the belt was ever used for anything more than holding up his pants).  The idea of such inter-generational disciplinary use of high-quality tools--in which they become kind of a kinky family heirloom--is something I find both amusing and satisfying.  Further, I have invested a hell of a lot of money into some really nice paddles and straps over the years, and I hate to think about them being thrown into some landfill.

How about you? Have you taken any steps to ensure your spanking anonymity even after death?  A morbid topic to be sure, but given that most of our little community seems to be over 50, one that deserves some thought and attention, since you just never know when your own time is up.

With that comforting thought, have a great week.