Saturday, April 14, 2018
Vol. 246 - What Is It We Disciplined Husbands Want
Can freedom become a burden, too heavy for man to bear, something he tries to escape from? Is there not also, perhaps, besides an innate desire for freedom, an instinctive wish for submission? – Erich Fromm
Hi all. Welcome back to our little gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, Domestic Discipline (DD) or Female Led Relationships (FLR).
I want to start by thanking all of you who spoke up about Aunt Kay and the impact she and Tomy and their Disciplinary Wives Club efforts had on you. “Impact” being a particularly apt word for those of us on the receiving end of the paddle or strap. Tomy also reminded all of us that his wife led by example and that her approach to life fostered not only discipline but also tolerance and acceptance of others.
I hope that you all had a good week, or at least a peaceful one. Mine was not. It was kind of a whirlwind. Or, more like a rollercoaster. I had a small but satisfying work triumph early in the week, then the following day it was one bad thing after another all day long. And, almost all of the bad stuff was connected in one way or another to two very dysfunctional relationships. One of them is with someone who thinks he can make me submit but can’t. I know I can’t make him submit, which really leaves beating him as the only option. Metaphorically of course, though he is one of those guys who really could profit from a really good ass kicking. The other is with someone who I probably should submit to but won’t. That is the tricky thing about DD and FLR for those of us who are not “submissive” by nature – there is a sense in which it’s real only if it’s unpleasant and difficult. Though, in this case while my self-interest really would suggest submitting, I kind of went in the opposite way and fucked and toyed with this person. Probably what I have referred to with the corporate acronym “CLM,” or Career Limiting Move. But, you can’t really tell in advance whether things that seem limiting or even catastrophic at the time are really all that, or will they turn out to be exactly what you need in order to move onto a new, and better, phase. So, we’ll see where things go.
A few weeks ago JGirl over at https://ashrewtamed.blogspot.com and I tried to coordinate a topic between her blog and mine, hopefully teasing out whether male and female participants in the “bottom” role in these DD relationships have different drives or motivations for this lifestyle. Our first joint topic focused on who wants it more, the discipline receiver or the discipline giver, i.e. whether we disciplined husbands and wives feel the need for this more than our disciplinarians, Heads of Household, Tops . . . whatever terminology you prefer. This week, I want to focus not on how much we each want this, but what the “this” is that we want. We’ve talked about this before and taken polls on it, but it’s been awhile and I’d like to explore it more, particularly in conjunction with the disciplined wives that JGirl’s blog serves. So, I kicked this off a few weeks ago with a poll that asked the disciplined husbands to identify why they want DD. We got 137 responses. Here are the results:
Giving up control to another person 52%
Accountability or penance 37%
Changing bad behavior or breaking habits 35%
Boundaries and rules make me feel secure 27%
Stress relief 44%
My wife being in charge is attractive 67%
Improving performance in some area of my life 27%
I like pain 14%
It's mainly a spanking fetish 32%
As usual with these polls, there are some outcomes I would have predicted and others I would not. I assumed that having an “in charge” wife is a turn-on for many of us, but I underestimated how many. Hopefully, any of the wives who are concerned that if they become more dominant their husbands will reject that confidence and power as “bitchiness” will read this and see that, no, that attitude is very, very much what he wants from you. So, bring it.
I assumed giving up control was a big part of the motivation for many, particularly the Alphas among us. I’m a little surprised that “boundaries and rules make me feel secure” didn’t score higher. I’m not sure that “secure” is the right word for how enforced boundaries make me feel, but it definitely is a major part of the attraction DD had for me and continues to have. I was a little surprised that “stress relief” was a factor for almost half of the respondents. That isn’t a big part of my motivation, and I can’t say that stress relief is really something I get out of DD, other than I do think that giving up control reduces my sense of responsibility, which is probably good if not taken to an extreme.
What are your personal rankings regarding what motivates or drives you to pull down your pants, bend over, and let yourself be subjected to a painful disciplinary spanking?
I hope you all have a good week.