Hello all. Welcome back to The Forum. Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, a Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationship. I hope you all had a good week.
I feel some slight stirrings of my DD interest, though it's not back even close to where it was. But, that's OK for now. Honestly, it was starting to consume too much time anyway, during a period when I don't have a lot of time to spare. Also, I haven't been in a very submissive headspace. To the contrary, I have been in a very dominant headspace and, unfortunately, it's kind of a necessity for me right now given some happenings at work. I'm sure it will all sort itself out over time.
A few weeks ago, we talked about humbling him. This week, let's talk about the converse -- how to empower her. Some women are born empowered. Others have to learn it. While people may be born with, or quickly socialized into, different levels of confidence and different senses of themselves and their inner strength, I do believe that leadership is a skill that can be learned and power can grow over time. But, it takes work and practice.
As I've said before, my wife is not a naturally dominant person. Between the two of us, my personality is by far the more brash and aggressive. But, largely because of our domestic discipline relationship, her confidence in herself and comfort level with her own power have grown and developed over time. But, it's also something we've worked on. To some extent, submitting to her disciplinary spankings is a virtuous circle. As she spanks more often and sees me always submit to them, even when I may not want one or may disagree regarding whether one has really been earned, her confidence in her own authority builds. In exercising more power, she grows more powerful.
As I said, it has been a work in progress for several years. Very early on, we implemented one process that helped her quickly get comfortable with giving real disciplinary spankings. We had agreed that certain offenses would earn a spanking, and we agreed that each such offense would earn a certain number of swats with the paddle. Regardless of how many it was, we both knew she was to give at least that many. For the first several weeks, the number of swats was around 6 at the low-end to 20 at the high. Then, I had one especially bad week. I swallowed hard as I tallied up that week's offenses and realized it came to 60! I told her that I wasn't sure I could take that many, and without missing a beat, she replied, "Then, I guess you shouldn't have acted that badly. You will take every single swat you have coming." And, she delivered. By building some non-discretionary rules into the process, she was freed to grow into her own sense of power and authority such that the rules became superfluous to her.
On a less spanking-oriented front, I've tried to find ways of mitigating her tendency to seek affirmation instead of just saying and doing what she wants. Sometimes, it's little things. In restaurants, she always wants to know what I am going to order before she decides what she wants. I often just won't tell her. She shouldn't need to know what I am going to do before she decides on something consistent with her own preferences. On a larger scale, a couple of years ago she needed a new car. She knew what she wanted, but she expected me to go with her to bargain for and buy it. She was not very happy when I refused, but I did. I made her to to the dealer, choose the car she wanted, bargain for it, buy it and drive it home. She ended up driving a much harder bargain than I ever would have done, and I think that incident really did help her learn that she didn't need a man for most things.
How about you? What ways have you found to empower your disciplinary partner and help them feel empowered and strong?
I hope you have a great week.