Saturday, February 22, 2014

The Forum #36

Welcome back everyone.  This was a strange week, and it caused me to mull some DD thoughts around a bit.  Step back and do a little self-assessment, as it were.

As you'll see from the posts below, someone using various names kept posting comments that were off-topic and just sort of juvenile.  My reaction was, first to get angry when it kept happening, and second to take my email address off the website and start moderating all comments.  Simple enough and not a big deal, right? Well, as I thought about it more, the exchange with the little pest raised a couple of issues requiring some self-reflection regarding the state of my DD efforts.

First, it became clear that what really lit a fire under me with this particular commenter was that the postings were not just silly and off-topic, they were essentially confrontational and territorial.  This blog is about domestic discipline, but this person wanted to steer everything in a very different conversational direction. That direction included starting to hurl taunts my way, call me silly playground names, etc.  In short, this person was trying to set the tone for my blog.  Reacting to that with some annoyance may have been natural, but here's the thing:  That flare of anger and resentment at someone messing with "my" area is EXACTLY the kind of Alpha Male, Type A over-the-top reaction that I have wanted to rid myself of using domestic discipline.   It is exactly the kind of behavior that has, from time to time, gotten me into trouble and limited my upward mobility in my career.   Someone invades my territory or throws an elbow, and I instantly start seeing red.  They throw a passive-aggressive elbow, and I hit them with a baseball bat.   That's the way it's been throughout my adult life, and mellowing out that need to control everything really was one of the primary reasons I wanted to explore domestic discipline.  In handing control over to my wife, I hoped to reduce my own reactivity and Type A behavior.  Well, my over reaction to a garden variety pest certainly showed I have a long way to to go.

Second, the exchange also served to highlight a distinction I have explored on this blog a couple of times, namely that between domestic discipline and Femdom.  I am obviously an advocate for exploring domestic discipline of the F/m variety, and for extending that to exploring Female Led Relationships.  That means trying to accept my Wife's direction and discipline, and encouraging her to step into that role and take control of me.   But, wanting to submit to the authority of my Wife is very different from some kind of gender-based submission to ALL female authority.  That distinction was evident in spades in the exchanges (all of which have now been deleted) with my little blog stalker.  Although I strongly suspect the poster was actually a man, he/she did claim to be woman, and I at first assumed she was.  When "she" started getting aggressive and demeaning, my reaction was not submission.  Very far from it.  This blog was my thing, my area, and I was damn sure not going to let someone dictate to me the direction it was going to take, whether that person was male or female.  And, while my territorial reaction was indicative of a problem I need to work on,  I'm fairly comfortable with this second aspect of my behavior.  I am very interested in submitting to a woman, namely my Wife, but that is a very different thing from being subservient to some other random person just because they happen to be, or claim to be, a woman.

On a related note, it occurred to me that my suspicion that my little pest is a man is itself little more than a subtle form of sexism.   I have a hard time seeing those posts as coming from a woman because they were rude and juvenile, and most of the females in my life are professional and smart.  Therefore, I just have a hard time envisioning a woman as the author of stupid and aggressively rude postings.  But, of course, men hardly have a monopoly on boorish behavior, though it admittedly sometimes seems so.

So, that has been a very long introduction to this week's  Forum question, which is related a bit to the first issue I pondered above.  Assuming you are in a real domestic discipline relationship, or want to me in one, and your goal is to use spankings and other disciplinary measures to correct bad behavior, what are some of the behaviors you are trying to correct?   You can answer from the perspective of the giver or receiver.  To get the ball rolling, here are a few of my own behavioral issues:

  • Generally, letting go of control and being more open to accepting authority and direction from superiors, even when I think they are full of shit.
  • Showing my wife more respect, to the point of submitting to her will even when I am convinced that I am right and she is wrong.
  • Becoming more self-disciplined regarding some personal behaviors, such as over-indulging at the pub with work colleagues on too many occasions
Have a great weekend.



  1. First a note on the pest. Not always but sometimes ignoring the pest will make the pest go other places and be a pest. What do I get from my wife spanking me. First a very sore and red bottom LOL. Also I'm a type A person and we have both found I'm more relaxed after having my bottom attended to, along with my wife finding I'm more helpful around the house. She finds I seem to listen to her more and understand her point.

  2. I agree. Ignoring the minor annoyances in our lives is almost always the best policy, and it is what I should have done in this case.

  3. My wife told me the day I handed her the remote control for the television was the day she knew i was serious about relinquishing control of our daily lives. I have always been a control freak and now see that often acted without listening to what she thought. I am learning through submission a calm that is liberating.
    peter b.

  4. My wife and I use spankings and CP for FUNishment, mostly. She enjoys spanking me, and I enjoy the ritual and feeling that comes before and after spankings (not so much, during...).
    On rare occasions, she has used CP for PUNishment, and those are not 'happy' memories.
    However, she usually resists using CP for punishment, as she knows I am a masochist, and not matter how hard she applies it, I tend to enjoy it.
    So, she has other methods she employs for behavior modification.
    The first behavior we are trying to modify is, my smoking, or worse, lying to her when I do smoke, and she asks me if I smoked, and I did, but I say no.
    Another behavior is, my frequent 'smart' mouth, and know-it-all attitude.
    Another behavior is, my tendency to retreat and withdraw with my feelings, rather come out and talk about 'things'.

  5. Over the past few years, as I have increasingly given in to my wife’s leadership and dominance over me, I have become a better person. I have become more attentive, a better listener, and a better conversation partner. From small things like my manners and posture to more tangible things like my wardrobe and workout regimen, I credit my wife with all sorts of improvements that have made me a better husband for her. Whenever a rule has been broken or I have misbehaved, I receive a punishment spanking. Always bare bottom and over her knee.
    After nearly two years of enforced orgasm control, in which my wife totally decides everything about our sex life, my wife is completely happy with our sex life and is generally seeing an improvement in my behavior as a submissive husband. I have learned to ask permission to orgasm and it is always her decision as to whether or not I have earned the right for release.

  6. What started out as CP games to fulfil my 'need' has developed into a regime of domestic discipline because I tend to be overbearing, selfish and too controlling. Mistress says that she finds that subjecting me to CP keeps me in my place and I'm generally more respectful to her, and pander to her needs and instructions without question. We have strict rules and if I break them, then I'm punished with quite a degree of severity.

  7. There is an important difference between domestic discipline (to which I have been willingly subjected for years) and 'FemDom' in that, while I get spanked or whipped often enough, it is always as the result of a specific misdemeanor on my part. There are times when I may feel that the breach is not one that deserves such punishment, but I have learned to submit to her "better judgement" - and to her authority.


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