Spanking Style/Technique and Effectiveness (Club Meeting - 527)

“If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.” -Tallulah Bankhead

Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club.  Our weekly on-line gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.

 

Happy Labor Day to those in the U.S.  I hope you’re getting some time off to enjoy it.

 

I hope you all had a good week.  Mine was pretty punishing, in a non-DD sense.  I attended a big gathering of old friends. It was fun, though I got this sense that we hadn’t changed as much this time as the last time we got together, which was almost a decade ago.  It was a little depressing recognizing that we’ve all gotten old enough that the major life changes are starting to be mostly in the rearview mirror.  I did get the sense that I’m digging in my heels a bit more than others when it comes to settling into middle-age.

 

 

But, a good time was had by all.  Perhaps a little too good, if my bedtime after the events was any indication. I definitely don’t rally the next morning after a long night as easily as I did back then.

 

Thanks to those who joined in on the discussion last week.  I didn’t have many takeaways from it, other than I’d note that few, if any, people expressed any big concerns about “undeserved” punishments or being subjected to discipline we don’t really agree with.  I think we all recognized that there might be times when she thinks something should be punished and we don’t fully agree, but no one seemed to see it as a significant problem.  That should be reassuring to any of the wives who are sometimes held back by concerns about fairness.

 

I’m not sure we got anywhere with the discussion of whether disobedience is something separate and distinct from being punished for specific misbehavior.  It seemed to get side-tracked onto the question of what is and is not an FLR, which we’ve kind of beaten to death over the years and are unlikely to ever resolve.  As I said in a response to Alan, I think the vast majority here are more or less on the same page with what a DD relationship is, but there is clearly no consensus around what distinguishes it from an FLR, and it seems clear to me that the connotations we draw from (or impose on) the term differ dramatically from one individual to another, perhaps especially with respect to whether and to what extent “led” has some dictatorial connotation. 

 

Anyway, it’s probably something where we’re never going to come to much of a consensus, and that’s fine.

 

I did find Al’s comments about the Disciplinary Wives Club and the extent of authority exercised by the wives to illustrate the problem we seem to have in defining what an FLR might be.  He stated:

The focus of discussion was always on "maternal style" F/M DD - in essence "to keep the husband well behaved". There was not really any significant discussion on the wife's leading the marriage in general or with absolute authority.

 

So, on other hand, there wasn’t much discussion about the wife leading or having absolute authority, yet the archetype they were always focused on was the “maternal”. To me, one of the defining characteristics of the maternal archetype is the mother is charge and child is not. It seems to be a very hierarchical relationship, with one having a lot of power and the other having very little.   

 

 

So, again, there doesn’t seem to be a clean way to characterize the extent of the wife’s authority.  Oh well . . . it’s not like the semantics really matter very much.

 

Near the end of last week’s discussion, Norton proposed a future topic:

 

We have recently gone through a change in how she spanks, as requested by me. She used to start and stop, lecturing me when she stopped. It never occurred to me, but that kind of spanking allowed me to be able to handle it better, and not loose control. Then recently, she spanked me without stopping for about 3 or 4 minutes. Within the first minute, I was quite overwhelmed, and had obviously lost control, kicking and making noise. It seemed to me that a much more effective way to spank, as I don't really want to feel in control. It does make a spanking much harder to take, but it also makes even a maintenance spanking an event I will not feel too blasé about, as I have in the past. Possible future topic?

 

 

(Glenmore, is that one yours?  The version I have isn't signed, so I wasn't sure.)

 

Alan concurred on making it a topic:

 

This might make a future topic. We have talked about various spanking styles or techniques, but never or not recently about their relative effectiveness. I suspect one style of spanking becomes habitual in mature relationships. But it could be eye opening to discuss which style, if any, works best in any given situation - and what style is most common or rarest. There are a lot of moving parts implied, such as the spanking tool(s) used, purpose of the spanking, the wife's preferred style, the history and experience of a couple, etc.

 

We can make that this week’s topic, though I may need others to carry a lot of the conversation because, as I’ve said many times here, Anne’s spankings tend to be very binary, without much variation in style or technique.  Oh, it’s true that the positions and instruments have varied over time, but overall style or technique hasn’t varied much. It’s always been hard, relatively long (usually between 200 and 300 swats), with no warmup.

 

She doesn't really do "quick" spankings?  They all seem to fall into a range of about 150 swats on the low end and around 300 on the high end.

 

Although I do feel that, in general, a real punishment spanking has to pass some threshold of severity and duration to get the point across, I can see how a very quick spanking could work for minor offenses.  Moreover, I can see how it might have a role in fostering consistency, since a spanking could be over and done in a minute or two, instead of always constituting a big "event" that takes a lot of time and effort on her part.

One thing that has changed a bit recently is some stopping between volleys to lecture. For most of our DD relationship, that didn’t happen very much.  Instead, she generally spanked at a steady, relentless pace, with few breaks and seldom any discussion. Over the last year or so, she’s started pausing a few times during the session to make her main points verbally.

 

It's hard for me to say much about how style might influence effectiveness as, like I said, ours are pretty binary, so I don’t have much to compare to.  And, the comparisons I can make aren’t that helpful when it comes to effectiveness.

 

One area where Anne’s approach may vary from others is around warm-ups.  The Disciplinary Wives Club website advocated easing into the spanking:

 

“Once he is across your knee, give him a few moments to get used to the fact that he is about to be spanked. Begin by giving a couple of hard smacks, then stop. The initial sting will be quite a shock to his system. If you were to keep on, he would struggle so much out of reflex action it would be difficult, if not impossible, to hold him in place. This pause after the first few whacks will give him a chance to mentally gear himself for the ordeal to come. Give him a few more hard smacks and pause again. He will have started to squirm, but the smacks will have been given before any serious movement takes place. His body will be very tense as he awaits the next round of spanks. Wait for him to relax, and tell him to do so. Then resume the spanking.”

 

For some reason, Anne has never been into the idea of warm-ups. Her swats begin hard and stay that way.  In terms of effectiveness, I often think that Aunt Kay’s advice was sound, as starting hard from the outset can cause me to very quickly “man up”.  From that point forward, it’s all about resisting the pain and trying to get through it, as opposed to really processing what is happening to me and trying to absorb a helpful lesson from it.

 

On the other hand, starting hard from the beginning can make for a very, very painful spanking, and one could argue that’s the whole point, right?

 

In terms of pace, Anne is pretty steady, giving a swat, usually with the bath brush, about every second or two.  What she hasn’t done often that I see depicted fairly often in spanking videos is a super-fast, concentrated volley of swats.  I can see how that could be overwhelming in the way Norton describes, though I would also anticipate that it might make me go numb even faster.

 

As I said, I don’t have a lot to talk about on this one, so hopefully many of you will give us your thoughts on style/technique, and effectiveness.  Does there tend to be one prevalent technique used, or do they very from spanking to spanking? If they vary, is there one technique or style you find particularly effective?

 

I hope you have a great week.

The Dangers of Infrequent Spankings, Obedience, and Spanking "Fairness" (Club Meeting - 526)

“Reasonable orders are easy enough to obey; it is capricious, bureaucratic or plain idiotic demands that form the habit of discipline.” - Barbara W. Tuchman

Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club.  Our weekly on-line gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.

 

I hope you all had a good week.  Mine was pretty sedate.  Although it’s still August, I’m detecting a whiff of autumn in the air.  There are even a few trees in the early stages of turning yellow.  

 

 

Although I’m a little sad to see motorcycle season winding down with several contemplated trips left untaken, I’m kind of in the mood for a seasonal change. It’s likely to be an unadventurous fall, as I’ve been putting off some surgery to repair an injury from last summer, and it feels like it’s time to get it done, even though the recuperation process is kind of going to suck.

 

Although my week was easygoing as a whole, it got started with a bang. After a summer that passed with surprisingly little disciplinary action, on Monday I got a somewhat surprising, and surprisingly hard, spanking. 

 

The surprise was really about the timing.  I reported on this to this group, including this text making her intention clear, in my August 11, 2025 post.   

 

 

A full week had gone by with no further mention of it.  In typical Disciplined Husband fashion, I felt relieved but also disappointed at what seemed to be developing into another instance of inconsistent enforcement and “punishment delayed is punishment denied.”  So, I was a little bit surprised when, on Monday, she announced that it was time for my bottom to pay the price for something that had truly pissed her off.

 

 

Part of me was glad for the follow-through.  That feeling lasted until the first few swats with her bath brush.  It was really, truly excruciating. 

 

It’s yet another reason why delayed punishment is a problem.  I do want consistency for its own sake.  I think we both embody this whole lifestyle more deeply and effectively when punishment naturally and predictably follows bad behavior, particularly if she’s actually told me that I will be punished.  But, it’s also in my butt’s interest that punishment happens fairly regularly if it is going to happen at all, because the spankings that come after a substantial period in which discipline slips simply hurt way, way more!

 

So, that’s one topic for this week:  Have you experienced the phenomenon in which spankings hurt way worse if there is a long time between them?  If so, is that additional pain enough to make you prefer being spanked more regularly?

 

Another topic raised by this incident is spankings we don’t agree with.  In previous posts raising the issue, I’ve labeled these “undeserved” spankings, but that label could be a bit misleading in some situations. Including, perhaps the spanking I received this week.

 

As I related in the post a couple of weeks ago, the incident that got me spanked involved throwing away some boxes for some electronic gadgets Anne had bought.  She had left the empty boxes in a dresser, in a room that doesn’t have enough available storage.  I wanted to put some clothes in that drawer, so I threw the boxes out.  As luck would have it, a few weeks later one of the units seemed to be failing. Anne had left a charger that came with the gadgets in one of the boxes, and I apparently threw it away, not noticing that it was in the box.  So, when Anne went to recharge and reset the gadget, there was no charger and no instructions.

 

As the text above demonstrates, she was livid.  Why?  Well, her stated reason was the missing charger and instructions.   

 

 

The real reason is almost certainly that this is an ongoing battle between us, with Anne having a reluctance to throw things out that approaches (in my opinion) a hoarding disorder, while she thinks it’s presumptuous, arrogant, and (in this case) careless of me to throw away “her” stuff without asking. 

 

So, did I “deserve” the spanking I got?  It’s debatable on one level, though maybe not on another.

 

In terms of the substance, was I careless in not noticing I was throwing out a charger with the boxes? Perhaps, though it was kind of “no harm, no foul”, as it’s not like we don’t have a plethora of USB-C charging cords laying around, and instructions are easy to find on-line.  And, the plain fact is that asking Anne to throw things out is often futile, so if I want clutter out of the house, I have to toss it myself, often banking on the fact she won’t notice.  While I see that as a justification, she sees it as part and parcel of the problem.

 

 

In many cases where we’ve had a disagreement and she’s spanked me, I somehow “saw the light” by the end of the spanking, literally coming around to her perspective on whatever it was that got me in trouble.  Did that happen in this case?  Not really.

 

I still believe that the boxes should have been thrown out, and I think it is fair to observe that I didn’t ask permission precisely because when I do ask, she almost always comes up with some reason why something has to be kept or, better yet, "donated", which really means it moves from one part of our house to a staging area for taking it to a donation center, then it stays there for weeks or months. Basically, me throwing things out without asking is in direct reaction to her undermining efforts to throw them out at all.  Again, I see that as justification; she sees it as the problem.

 So, in one respect, we disagree on whether the spanking was "deserved".

 

Yet, in another sense, we don't.  If you treat disobedience itself as spankable, independent of the objective rightness or wrongness of the underlying conduct, then I clearly did deserve one, because I do know how she feels about me throwing things out, and chose to ignore it. I ran the risk of doing something I know she gets angry about, I got caught, and my ass paid the price.

 

Honestly, it speaks well of Anne’s judgment that, over the course of twenty-plus years of Domestic Discipline, I can't think of a circumstance where I have been punished for something I really didn't do or something that I didn't know in advance was a problem for her. 

 

There have been a few other cases in which I didn’t fully agree with the premise underlying her decision to spank. And, there have been a few times when a spanking was harder than I expected, given the nature of the offense.  Admittedly, those times left me feeling at best unsettled and, at worst, somewhat resentful, as I pulled by pants up over my very sore bottom.

 

However, in virtually all those cases, there was an offsetting increase in the respect I felt for her and her disciplinary authority. I have a similar reaction to her spanking for something because it was an act of disobedience, regardless of my attempts to justify it.

 

Spanking for disobedience—independent of any agreement on the rules—probably moves us a little further over whatever the line is that separates DD from FLR.  It’s hard to deny she is increasingly in charge of the relationship if the standard for whether something is spankable comes down to, “Because I said so.”

 

 

I'm OK with that. When I first discovered The Disciplinary Wives Club and became instantly obsessed, I recognized from the beginning that I had an attraction to the idea of being held accountable for bad behavior.

I also think that I had some awareness that I was most fascinated by stories where the discipline--and sometimes the entire disciplinary relationship--were imposed regardless of the husband's views on the matter.

 

What I don't think I appreciated much at all at that time was that DD was attractive to me not just because of the accountability aspect but, independently, because of the raw exercise of power and authority, i.e. by the the wives' insistence on obedience. I knew I desired discipline; I've come to learn I also desire to be made to obey.

 

There's another reason I'm OK with her spanking for disobedience regardless of whether I think the underlying conduct makes it objectively "fair": Her being overly concerned about “fairness” is one of the sources of the inconsistency that so many of us complain about.   

 

When I addressed the topic of “undeserved” spankings a few years ago, Alan had this comment:

 

My wife is an experienced disciplinarian who had experienced both sides of the brush, but the woman who introduced me to adult spanking was not so experienced. Early on in our relationship she was somewhat "hung up" on the idea of fairness, until it sometimes paralyzed her, preventing her from administering discipline that was badly needed. The notion of fairness was very important to her at the same time inhibiting her from doing what she knew was needed.

 

I see that in my wife, too.  Too often, instead of ordering a spanking when she thinks it is deserved, she’ll ask something like, “Do you need a spanking for that?” or she’ll make a statement that’s really a question about her own authority, like: “Maybe you should get spanked for that next time.”  It’s like she’s opening a negotiation regarding the scope of her authority, even though we’ve agreed many, many times that making ALL decisions regarding what should be punished is within her authority.

 

How does this work in your DD relationship?  Is disobedience spankable in and of itself?  Do the wives worry about “fairness”? Do they maybe worry about it too much?  How much does your agreement about the underlying premise for the spanking affect whether it happens?

 

I hope you have a great week.  FYI, I have an out-of-town event this upcoming weekend, so I may post later in the week.

Healthy Fear of Disciplinary Spankings and/or the Disciplinary Wife Giving Them (Club Meeting 525)

“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek” – Joseph Campbell

 Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club.  Our weekly on-line gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.

 

I hope you all had a good week. Mine was pretty quiet, which I think I kind of needed. This has been a tough year on many levels, including my physical resilience. I felt like maybe a week off, hanging out mostly by myself and not doing much beyond hikes with the dogs, helped me gain a little ground back on that front.

 

It also felt like the participation on the blog ticked up a little, which is a great thing, even if it’s still a little quieter than I'd prefer.  It’s not just about having a good discussion on a discreet topic.  Rather, I’m not sure readers fully appreciate how much I rely on one week’s discussions to provide good launching points for discussions the following week. It’s why I’m supportive (within reason) of people meandering from the official topic, because it’s often those departures from the main topic that give me ideas for future topics.  Even if a topic has been done to death, a reader comment may suggest a new angle or point of approach.

 

It's also interesting how we each bring our own perspectives to something as simple as a spanking meme or piece of spanking content.  Two weeks ago, I was surprised at how much meaning ZM managed to extract from a fairly simple audio series on Tumbler. Last week, it was Glenmore seeing the picture of three guys drinking juxtaposed with three wives holding spanking implements as involving the three guys knowing they would be spanked but choosing to throw caution to the wind.  On the other hand, I took it to be three guys with alcohol-related amnesia regarding the likelihood they would get spanked.  In retrospect, Glenmore's interpretation does seem more viable, but it is still interesting how much we each read into simple memes and pics.

 

So, I appreciate those who jump in and participate, even if the official topic doesn’t resonate that much with them.  Even if it's simply providing your own spin on one of the drawings or memes.

 

In that vein, one of the comments that did resonate with me last week came from Jackson, and it involved his reaction to his wife’s increasing strictness and the increasingly severe spankings she delivers when he disobeys her:

 

“I have been in a pretty strict FLR/DD with Lauren for almost 3 years, and I have noticed that in just the last 8 months or so that I almost never misbehave or break rules in Her presence. As the spankings have become more and more severe (as She has become very comfortable with causing pain and leaving marks) I am quite honestly afraid of Her. I know on one level that I need and have earned the Discipline when it is delivered, I Do Not want to provoke it.

 

In that same comment, he qualified a bit what he meant by being “afraid of Her.”

 

Her Discipline has always been real and severe, but there are some sessions that stand out and have truly changed my view of Her. Don’t get me wrong I don’t go around in fear of Her all the time, but I have gained the perspective of having a very healthy respect for what I know she is capable of doing and especially what I don’t know about how far She will go.

 

A few months ago, I copied down a comment from ZM, which also addressed the topic of fear and its role in DD.  Although the specific topic it addressed was caning and whether the cane is truly among the most fearsome instruments, his observations about fear and spanking were more general and included:

 

One common thread that I have noticed this week among commenters and our early exposure to spanking is the word "fear." Most of us were somewhere between being somewhat scared of being spanked and being terrified. While each couple's DD or FLR relationship varies, over the years I have mostly heard that we are not particularly afraid of upcoming spankings. We might feel some butterflies in our stomach or something like that, but not the deep knot of fear. There are many reasons that we are not necessarily as afraid of being spanked as adults, including but certainly not limited to:

 

- more emotional maturity

- more ability to see things from a wider perspective

- higher pain thresholds

- less humiliation or embarrassment (due to the generally private nature of adult spankings)

- more feeling of control (since even consensual non-consent is still consensual, and we COULD always stop it if we wanted to)

- a whole lifetime of experience telling us we will survive

and so on and so on...

 

Whatever the reason, our wives might be able to command respect, but not necessarily instill immediate, real fear. As CalSpanking mentioned a few weeks ago, many of us who are wanting this are at least partly motivated by wanting to feel strong emotions. There is nothing that is stronger than fear. Sometimes, the thing I want (and at the same time don't want) the most is to feel that visceral fear that spanking used to instill in me. I think that is at least part of what makes me want the humiliation of having witnesses so much, because I am afraid of that.

 

I was thinking about Jackson and ZM’s comments in light of my own recent desires to crank up the intensity of our DD relationship, meaning I’m going through one of my not infrequent phases in which I (think I) want her to be much more strict and severe, similar to what Jackson describes.  

 

And, yes, I am aware of the very big "be careful what you wish for . . ." danger where strictness is concerned.  Yet, that doesn't stop me from wanting to experience it.

 

Does a desire to feel a stronger sense of fear or anxiety play a role in that?

 

I think it does. 

 

Maybe it’s about, as ZM alluded to, a desire for strong emotions in general; fear being among the strongest of emotions.  That’s possible. I do think that I sometimes have an outsized desire to feel things intensely, even “negative” feelings.

 

ZM’s comments also suggest that there is something fundamentally different about the feelings aroused by adult spankings, no matter how severe, as compared to what some of us experienced as kids.

 

 

I’m not sure I fully agree with that one.  Perhaps it’s because I came upon the concept of DD so suddenly and unexpectedly when I stumbled upon the DWC, but I have very distinct memories about the nature and intensity of the feelings it caused to roil up within me.

 

It wasn’t subtle in the least, and part of it was definitely fear-based.  So much so that it took about three days for me to build up the courage to broach the subject with my wife.  Not because I thought she would reject the idea. To the contrary, while there was a lot of ambivalence, I think I probably was more concerned that she would NOT reject it.  I had instantly become obsessed with the idea of getting a “real” adult spanking along the lines of what Aunt Kay described in her Tips & Methods session, yet part of the obsession lay in acknowledging how bad the “real” spankings she described seemed to be.  I was obsessed with it, to the point that I could not NOT bring it up to Anne, but that's not quite the same thing as "wanting" it.

 

Although it’s hard to remember how I felt when a spanking was coming (or I thought one was coming) when I was a kid, I’m not sure the fear involved in the prospect of a real adult spanking was all that much less than what I experienced back then.  At least, not the fear or anxiety I felt when we first started down this DD path.

 

In fact, I think one aspect was probably even more fearsome for me, i.e. the possibility of losing emotional control, culminating in real crying. 

 

When we are kids, crying from spanking—or from any significant physical pain—was simply expected.  Although it might have added to the embarrassment, it wasn’t like your spanked peers didn’t cry from a spanking, or perhaps even from the mere threat of one.  Even if it happened with others present, the embarrassment factor probably wasn't as strong, because it wasn't that uncommon and the role of parents and kids made surrendering to the whole thing more palatable in the sense that ego wasn't as tied up in it as much.

What I recall being anxious about when spanked as a kid was the pain and, moreover, the inevitability of it all.  Even back then, the anxiety of being spanked by adults centered in large part on the fact that there was no way to get out of it. I think that's what made school paddlings so emotionally impactful (no pun intended).  Someone had decreed you were going to get spanked, so you were.  But, it was also the case that a swat with a hard paddle hurt like hell.

 

As an adult—particularly an adult male—it’s different.  The spankings I receive today are much, much harder than anything I received as a kid.  Yet, when I came upon the DWC, it wasn't really the severity of the spanking that obsessed me so much. 

 

It was more about the fact that the wives were imposing them whether the husband agreed or not and, even more so that it often seemed to result in full-blown sobbing tears.  The tears depicted in the DWC stories weren't unlike those experienced in childhood spankings, but the context was very, very different in terms of the ego hit involved.

Turns out, being spanked like a child when you are a one is very different than being spanked like a child when are an adult.

 

The context is so obviously different. And, unlike when we were kids, it isn't a context shared by our peers.  We experience getting spanked for being bad.  As far as we know, they do not.  Further, as kids, most of us were in the same boat; there was a certain egalitarianism in knowing pretty much everyone got spanked from time to time.  As a disciplined husband in this modern era, however, we are usually the only one in our household who gets spanked.

 

In short, there are all sorts of ego and embarrassment issues associated with being spanked as an adult that weren’t in play to the same extent as a kid, including especially for me, the prospect of crying in front of my wife as a direct result of her exercise of authority over me.

 

For me, the embarrassment surrounding the very prospect of being spanked to tears seems to be way more about the exercise of authority—and my submission to it—than about the pain of the spanking.  In fact, I think one reason I reacted so strongly to some of the DWC stories was because tears were not just a byproduct, they often were the wife's stated goal.  I've used this spanking meme a lot over the years, because it summarizes how those stories made me feel: being spanked to tears is embarrassing, but being spanked to tears because the person spanking you told you to cry is so much more so.

As ZM’s bullet-list suggested, as adults we DO have higher pain thresholds. Or, at least we’ve been socialized to react less dramatically to physical pain.  But, the opposite is true with respect to control and power hierarchies.  As kids, we are expected to surrender to authority.  Perhaps that’s another reason why there is less embarrassment and shame when being spanked as a kid – surrender was natural and expected, including the demonstration of surrender involved in full-blown tears.

 

As an adult, however, we’ve been socialized that surrender is equated with weakness or with being lower in a relevant power hierarchy. Our egos—or at least mine—rebel more at overt displays of surrender to someone else’s authority than at giving in to physical pain. 

Another way to articulate the distinction might be that, for me, being "disciplined" is more fear-based than merely being spanked, because the former involves someone else setting rules for me, someone else holding me accountable, someone else making me do or not do what they want.  I'm not sure I was really aware of it at that time, but I now think it was that real change in the power hierarchy that caused me such fear when I first read the DWC stories, and the hierarchy change was most embodied in the wife being so thoroughly empowered as to cause real sobbing tears.

 

So, for me it’s not quite true that adult spankings entailed none of the fear involved in being spanked as a kid. In the earliest days of our DD experimentation, I think I did experience something similar to that degree of fear, and perhaps with an even stronger fear around losing all emotional control and crying hard from a spanking. 

 

What changed over time is that I came to realize how unlikely I was to cry from even very severe adult spankings.  Paradoxically, I suspect the same fear that I might surrender to the whole situation and cry during a spanking is exactly what keeps me from actually doing so. Twenty years into this thing we do, I think I’m still so resistant to the embarrassment of letting myself go in that way that I can’t bring myself to do it, despite the fact I’m still more or less fascinated by the prospect.

 

So, when Jackson talks about being afraid of his wife, I get the perverse attraction to it, and for me the attraction lies in his characterization of how the fear lies in not knowing how far she might go.

 

For me, the “how far” isn’t really about the pain level itself.  It’s more about the level of control and strictness. It’s about the ego threat that would be inherent in her really assuming the maternal role we talk about; a role that is more or less limitless in its authority.  

 

I don’t really fear the pain of being spanked more often, but I do fear the emotional challenge that would result from her really tightening the reins and challenging my autonomy much more consistently than she has to date.  What I fear isn't so much frequency or severity but, rather, the prospect of her spanking me more frequently and more severely because she has decided on her own that she wants to spank me more often for more things that she cares about, whether I do or not.

Though, that fear does include that at some point she might simply announce that she wants me to cry, expects me to cry, and will prolong a session (with as many breaks as necessary to get around any numbing), until I finally do cry.  Honestly, after twenty years, the prospect of that kind of emotional surrender still scares the hell out of me.

 

So, in that sense, I am still very much afraid of being spanked, and I am still perversely attracted to the idea of having a “healthy fear” of my wife.

 

How about you?  What role, if any, does fear have in your DD relationship? Do you genuinely fear being spanked by your wife?  Or, are there other aspects of being a husband in a DD or FLR relationship that scare you?

 

Do you feel like behavior improvement requires a certain amount of fear? Do you feel that spankings need to be hard enough to make you feel genuine fear, or at least strong anxiety, about her spanking you again in the future?

 

 

Do you feel a healthy fear of your wife or of her authority? If so, do you find that fear to be attractive or something you want her to consciously cultivate?

 

A couple of notes regarding the pics/drawings I chose for this week’s post. First, I usually mostly use pictures depicting males as the disciplinary recipient.  However, in my collection spanning thousands of pics, drawings, and spanking memes, those in which a male has a facial expression approximating anything like real fear or anxiety are few and far between.  So, when illustrating "fear" as I intended in this post, I was forced to use more drawings where the person about to get a spanking was a female.

 

Second, although I find myself increasingly turned off by AI-generated spanking “drawings”, I had recently downloaded a few in which the subject about to be spanked looked very fearful/anxious about what was about to happen.  But, again, the subject was female.

 

I hope you have a great week.

Spanked as a Result of Peer Pressure and Carelessness (Meeting 524)

“Carelessness is inexcusable, and merits the inevitable sequence.” - James Anthony Froude

Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club.  Our weekly on-line gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.

 

I hope you all had a good week (or two). Mine’s been busy, and a little annoying.  For the second time in two weeks, an unforeseen mechanical problem put an abrupt end to a planned motorcycle trip.

 

Though, truth be told, I was starting to feel like I was packing a few too many things into a compressed end-of-summer schedule.  But, many of my summer adventures have included friends made through our common hobbies since my retirement.  They say there can be “friendship drought” for middle-aged men, especially after retirement.  It felt like that a bit for the first year or two, though I’ve developed an unanticipated network of new friends since then.  Although as an introvert it sometimes seems easier to dodge social engagements, including trips with others, I have been reminded this year that you get out of relationships what you put into them.

 

 

That sentiment is in-line with something ZM observed about last week’s undirected (by me) interactions:

 

“All it takes for there to be good discussion is for people to show up and comment on what others have already written. Naturally, Dan replies to almost every comment (which is certainly appreciated, especially considering that it is quite time-consuming to do so) and that in itself keeps the blog quite lively. But I think it is a bit unfair that we look to Dan to create a long, well thought out blog post every week, since that is quite a chore. Rather, as long as anyone contributes almost anything at all, and if others reply, it can turn out being a very dynamic conversation.

I don’t worry much about any “unfairness” as, in the end, I write the blog mainly as an outlet for my own creative needs.  I don’t have many other creative talents in my life, but I do like writing, and I like exploring this thing we do.  And, I like “talking” to others about it. 

 

So, when TB alluded to the prospect that I might stop blogging and the blog would end absent my appointment of a successor, I responded that I don’t see that happening.  Since I started blogging on this subject, I’ve seen several DD and spanking blogs come and go, and I’ve seen more than a few of them come back after their authors had declared they were finished for good.  For that reason, I don’t see any chance that I would issue some definitive “It’s been fun, but I’m done” message anytime soon; it’s too likely I’d go back on the decision, so why announce it in the first place?

 

As I said in response to TB, if the blog were to suddenly stop, it’s far more  likely it would be because Blogger took it down, which has happened to more than a few DD blogs.

 

In terms of his reference to a possible successor, I haven’t thought about it a lot, in part because I’m not sure any of the longer-term commenters who I could see in that role have the time or interest. Oftentimes, even if the interest is there, the timing may not work. It wasn’t until after she had passed that I learned “Aunt Kay” had talked to her husband, “Jerry”, about me being her choice of successor. But, at the time I was drowning in work, and my total lack of technical skills made it impossible for me to get the website up and going again. And, honestly, I’m not sure any man could really step into the unique role Aunt Kay filled.

 

Anyway . . .

 

I didn’t have a discreet topic in mind for this post.  Instead, I’ll jump around with some thoughts on last week’s discussion and also relate some personal DD and FLR anecdotes that have been on my mind.  If something resonates with you, please jump in.

 

First, thanks to those who weighed in on the Tumblr audio series I linked to, entitled The Spanking Mom Next Door.  It was the perfect example of how much the quality of this blog, and my interest in it, hinges on participation.  For a number of reasons, I was at a low ebb where DD interest was concerned, right up until I logged in and found a series of thoughtful comments from ZM regarding that audio series.  It’s also a testament to how much readers bring to any fictional work, as I’m sure that the discussion back and forth with ZM plumbed depths that the author of the series may have never intended. In fact, if the whole thing is AI-generated, then it may not make sense to talk about author’s intention at all and, instead, reader reaction is literally all there is. 

 

One of ZM’s observations in particular matched my own experiences:

 

When talking about the aftereffects of a spanking, the story also mentioned somewhat the post spanking dynamic that many of us have talked about here, where for the days after being spanked we find ourselves quite calm and contrite or almost submissive, while our wives tend to continue to subtly show their authority. I know that I find myself almost in awe at my wife’s ability to bring me to heel, as well as her much better self-control that makes up for some of my lack of self-control in some areas.

 

I think her starting to use her authority to address things that matter to her is also basically inevitable. Once your wife realizes the power she has to effect change, expect that sooner or later she is going to start using it!

 

That last paragraph is consistent with where things seem to be going with us lately, though it has been a work in progress. In the past, I’ve always been puzzled by how little connection there was between the things that mattered to Anne and what she actually spanked for. Often, she seemed least inclined to spank for the things that seemed to irritate or anger her the most.

 

At least with respect to being verbally strict and stern, that seems to be changing. A couple of days ago, when we were with a weekend guest, I made a comment that Anne considered snarky and disrespectful.  Later that morning, a text arrived from her stating in no uncertain terms what the consequence would be if it happened again.

 

Then, today she got angry because I threw out some product boxes that were taking up a bunch of storage space. In the process, I seem to have thrown out a charging cable and operating instructions.  To some extent, she was mad about those things being tossed out but, in reality, it was probably more about her long-simmering anger at me throwing out things without asking her.  Although in this case I hadn't argued with a specific order or instruction from her, one could argue that throwing out the boxes was a form of generalized resistance to her authority and disregard of her preferences.  For that reason, this captioned meme highlights, in mild form, what's probably going on in her mind with respect to me doing something I know she has a problem with.

 

My perspective is the only way anything leaves our house is if I throw it out, because Anne has some packrat tendencies.  But, in her mind, I should be consulting with her before throwing out anything that she might want.  Hence, this text received earlier this morning:

 

 

We aren’t together today, so the spanking won’t happen until tomorrow at the earliest, but the text is an example of her recent moves toward more verbal strictness.  

 

Do I feel like I should get spanked for this?  Regarding throwing stuff out, I do still feel like the boxes were taking up a bunch of room and needed to be disposed of. So, on the substance I don't feel like I was wrong.  But, it echoes ZM's observations about how we feel more contrite and appropriately submissive after an exercise of authority, even if we don't fully agree on the "why" involved in that exercise.

 

 

And, it dovetails with another issue that I've asked her to come down on harder, namely carelessness. 

 

As I said, I think the real source of her anger is that I threw away something without asking, but it makes it doubly bad that I may have carelessly thrown away something that was in the boxes, apparently because I never really looked inside them.  Several weeks ago, I was angry with myself for some other act of basic carelessness and asked whether she would amp up her strictness where that was concerned. 

 

We’ve had similar discussions about other areas needing improvement, but this time, something about that particular issue seemed to take root in her mind.  Although it didn’t lead to more frequent spankings, she did dramatically step up her game in terms of verbally chastising me for acts of carelessness that she observed. There were even times that I would mention casually some lapse of carefulness or attention, and she would immediately respond with some comment about whether I should be spanked for it.

 

Now, it is important to note that there wasn’t much forward movement on actually spanking me for those instances of ordinary carelessness, but I still think her increasing verbal assertiveness is an important step, precisely because it’s something she has struggled with in the past.  

 

Increasingly, she is much more assertive about speaking her mind when she’s angry or annoyed with me, and I think that spanking more frequently is almost certain to follow, assuming no intervening health or personal disruptions.

 

The whole carelessness thing has been nagging at me since my first aborted motorcycle adventure a few weeks ago.  It’s probably no coincidence that one of my first posts on carelessness happened about a year ago, and it related to carelessness in relation to my favorite pastime.  I noted:

 

For some reason, it’s [carelessness] shown up a lot in my hobbies and recreational activities.  The first time I recall really wanting a significant spanking for an act of carelessness was on a group motorcycle trip a couple of years ago. The trip included some tough terrain.  Unfortunately, one of my tires was significantly worn, but I didn’t notice it until it was too late to get it replaced.  I decided to risk it and, while no great disaster ensued, it did cause some significant problems and made certain parts of the trip much more dicey than they should have been. I also forgot to bring some necessary equipment, despite having an exhaustive checklist to work from.

 

This year, when I went on a similar trip, I did a better job with ensuring everything was maintained and that I had the right equipment, yet there were still some problems that occurred as a result of not maximizing some things I knew I should, in face, maximize.  There was also one fairly significant incident in which, though I didn’t initiate the carelessness, I went along with a traveling companion’s insistence on something that I knew in my gut was going to cause us a significant problem, and it did.

 

On this year’s aborted trip, the problem presented itself in a slightly different way.  I did experience a mechanical failure while on a difficult portion of a route, but it wasn’t anything I could have prevented. However, the fact that we were on that part of the route at all was as a result of me giving into the wishes of my riding companions to ignore some threatening weather conditions.  Now, the weather conditions have nothing to do with the mechanical failure that ensued.  But, I knew at the time that ignoring those conditions was a mistake and that something bad could have happened as a result of not pushing back on my companions’ risk-ignoring preferences.

 

 

I wrestled with that for a few days: I didn’t speak about someone else’s risky behavior and, instead, went along with it against my better judgment.  At first, I felt like it probably shouldn’t be “spank worthy”, since nothing bad resulted directly from it.  Yet, I also felt like that was perhaps putting too much emphasis on consequences and too little on whether I should have pushed back harder on what was, essentially, peer pressure.

 

So, that all leads me to two questions for possible discussion.

 

First, in determining whether something you do or fail to do will earn a spanking, to what extent does it depend on whether something bad happened as a result of that act or failure?  In other words, especially with respect to something like carelessness, does the consequence of getting spanked depend on whether your actions or omissions resulted in some other bad consequences? Or, is it more the act or omission itself that matters and not whether anything bad resulted from it?

 

Second, most of us who are active on the blog seem to be at a stage in life in which one might think that “peer pressure” was no longer a thing.  Yet, I know in my own life, it often still is a factor influencing my behavior.  It has been an issue when it comes to things like over-consumption of alcohol, though in fairness to my boozy friends, we tend to enable each other’s worst excesses. I can’t really hold them responsible for it.

 

 

When it comes to risky behavior on motorcycle excursions, however, as related above I have often let my companions’ risk-taking preferences take me into situations that I had big reservations about. Absent peer pressure—if only the subtle sort involved in not wanting to be seen as less skilled or more tentative than one’s more adventurous friends—I would have acted differently than I ended up doing.

 

I realize I have an out-sized need for personal accountability and that sometimes we need to treat a mistake as a mistake, and it seems reasonable to do so when nothing bad results.  Basically, “no harm, no foul.”

 

Yet, I also believe that lack of accountability on even genuine mistakes has

ripple effects. If I’m careless—or don’t show sufficient backbone in rejecting temptations—in one area, it can lead to a breakdown in self-discipline in other areas. 

 

For me personally, I feel like there need to be consequences for both the nature of the act and the result. The spanking consequences should be independent of the “real world” consequences, and sometimes otherwise consequence-free incidents of inattention or carelessness should earn a very bad spanking, particularly if a seriously negative result was foreseeable and avoided only by sheer luck.

 

Given my strong leanings toward DD with a maternal vibe, perhaps it’s inevitable that I feel like giving in to peer pressure should result in a spanking, regardless of whether something bad resulted.  In fact, although I have very few memories of getting spanked by my mother, behavior she saw as risky or trouble-making would have gotten me spanked, and it was even more likely to happen if someone else was involved.   

 

 

In fact, in that time and place it would have been fairly likely that both of us would get spanked by whichever parent witnessed the bad behavior, and a call might have been made to the other culprit’s parents.  So, perhaps that childhood experience of communal guilt and punishment still motivates me today.

 

 

What about you?  What role, if any, does peer pressure play in the things you get spanked for today?

 

Hopefully those DD-related scenarios that have been playing out in my life and rolling around in my mind will stimulate some discussion.

 

I hope you have a good week.