Spanked as a Result of Peer Pressure and Carelessness (Meeting 524)

“Carelessness is inexcusable, and merits the inevitable sequence.” - James Anthony Froude

Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club.  Our weekly on-line gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.

 

I hope you all had a good week (or two). Mine’s been busy, and a little annoying.  For the second time in two weeks, an unforeseen mechanical problem put an abrupt end to a planned motorcycle trip.

 

Though, truth be told, I was starting to feel like I was packing a few too many things into a compressed end-of-summer schedule.  But, many of my summer adventures have included friends made through our common hobbies since my retirement.  They say there can be “friendship drought” for middle-aged men, especially after retirement.  It felt like that a bit for the first year or two, though I’ve developed an unanticipated network of new friends since then.  Although as an introvert it sometimes seems easier to dodge social engagements, including trips with others, I have been reminded this year that you get out of relationships what you put into them.

 

 

That sentiment is in-line with something ZM observed about last week’s undirected (by me) interactions:

 

“All it takes for there to be good discussion is for people to show up and comment on what others have already written. Naturally, Dan replies to almost every comment (which is certainly appreciated, especially considering that it is quite time-consuming to do so) and that in itself keeps the blog quite lively. But I think it is a bit unfair that we look to Dan to create a long, well thought out blog post every week, since that is quite a chore. Rather, as long as anyone contributes almost anything at all, and if others reply, it can turn out being a very dynamic conversation.

I don’t worry much about any “unfairness” as, in the end, I write the blog mainly as an outlet for my own creative needs.  I don’t have many other creative talents in my life, but I do like writing, and I like exploring this thing we do.  And, I like “talking” to others about it. 

 

So, when TB alluded to the prospect that I might stop blogging and the blog would end absent my appointment of a successor, I responded that I don’t see that happening.  Since I started blogging on this subject, I’ve seen several DD and spanking blogs come and go, and I’ve seen more than a few of them come back after their authors had declared they were finished for good.  For that reason, I don’t see any chance that I would issue some definitive “It’s been fun, but I’m done” message anytime soon; it’s too likely I’d go back on the decision, so why announce it in the first place?

 

As I said in response to TB, if the blog were to suddenly stop, it’s far more  likely it would be because Blogger took it down, which has happened to more than a few DD blogs.

 

In terms of his reference to a possible successor, I haven’t thought about it a lot, in part because I’m not sure any of the longer-term commenters who I could see in that role have the time or interest. Oftentimes, even if the interest is there, the timing may not work. It wasn’t until after she had passed that I learned “Aunt Kay” had talked to her husband, “Jerry”, about me being her choice of successor. But, at the time I was drowning in work, and my total lack of technical skills made it impossible for me to get the website up and going again. And, honestly, I’m not sure any man could really step into the unique role Aunt Kay filled.

 

Anyway . . .

 

I didn’t have a discreet topic in mind for this post.  Instead, I’ll jump around with some thoughts on last week’s discussion and also relate some personal DD and FLR anecdotes that have been on my mind.  If something resonates with you, please jump in.

 

First, thanks to those who weighed in on the Tumblr audio series I linked to, entitled The Spanking Mom Next Door.  It was the perfect example of how much the quality of this blog, and my interest in it, hinges on participation.  For a number of reasons, I was at a low ebb where DD interest was concerned, right up until I logged in and found a series of thoughtful comments from ZM regarding that audio series.  It’s also a testament to how much readers bring to any fictional work, as I’m sure that the discussion back and forth with ZM plumbed depths that the author of the series may have never intended. In fact, if the whole thing is AI-generated, then it may not make sense to talk about author’s intention at all and, instead, reader reaction is literally all there is. 

 

One of ZM’s observations in particular matched my own experiences:

 

When talking about the aftereffects of a spanking, the story also mentioned somewhat the post spanking dynamic that many of us have talked about here, where for the days after being spanked we find ourselves quite calm and contrite or almost submissive, while our wives tend to continue to subtly show their authority. I know that I find myself almost in awe at my wife’s ability to bring me to heel, as well as her much better self-control that makes up for some of my lack of self-control in some areas.

 

I think her starting to use her authority to address things that matter to her is also basically inevitable. Once your wife realizes the power she has to effect change, expect that sooner or later she is going to start using it!

 

That last paragraph is consistent with where things seem to be going with us lately, though it has been a work in progress. In the past, I’ve always been puzzled by how little connection there was between the things that mattered to Anne and what she actually spanked for. Often, she seemed least inclined to spank for the things that seemed to irritate or anger her the most.

 

At least with respect to being verbally strict and stern, that seems to be changing. A couple of days ago, when we were with a weekend guest, I made a comment that Anne considered snarky and disrespectful.  Later that morning, a text arrived from her stating in no uncertain terms what the consequence would be if it happened again.

 

Then, today she got angry because I threw out some product boxes that were taking up a bunch of storage space. In the process, I seem to have thrown out a charging cable and operating instructions.  To some extent, she was mad about those things being tossed out but, in reality, it was probably more about her long-simmering anger at me throwing out things without asking her.  Although in this case I hadn't argued with a specific order or instruction from her, one could argue that throwing out the boxes was a form of generalized resistance to her authority and disregard of her preferences.  For that reason, this captioned meme highlights, in mild form, what's probably going on in her mind with respect to me doing something I know she has a problem with.

 

My perspective is the only way anything leaves our house is if I throw it out, because Anne has some packrat tendencies.  But, in her mind, I should be consulting with her before throwing out anything that she might want.  Hence, this text received earlier this morning:

 

 

We aren’t together today, so the spanking won’t happen until tomorrow at the earliest, but the text is an example of her recent moves toward more verbal strictness.  

 

Do I feel like I should get spanked for this?  Regarding throwing stuff out, I do still feel like the boxes were taking up a bunch of room and needed to be disposed of. So, on the substance I don't feel like I was wrong.  But, it echoes ZM's observations about how we feel more contrite and appropriately submissive after an exercise of authority, even if we don't fully agree on the "why" involved in that exercise.

 

 

And, it dovetails with another issue that I've asked her to come down on harder, namely carelessness. 

 

As I said, I think the real source of her anger is that I threw away something without asking, but it makes it doubly bad that I may have carelessly thrown away something that was in the boxes, apparently because I never really looked inside them.  Several weeks ago, I was angry with myself for some other act of basic carelessness and asked whether she would amp up her strictness where that was concerned. 

 

We’ve had similar discussions about other areas needing improvement, but this time, something about that particular issue seemed to take root in her mind.  Although it didn’t lead to more frequent spankings, she did dramatically step up her game in terms of verbally chastising me for acts of carelessness that she observed. There were even times that I would mention casually some lapse of carefulness or attention, and she would immediately respond with some comment about whether I should be spanked for it.

 

Now, it is important to note that there wasn’t much forward movement on actually spanking me for those instances of ordinary carelessness, but I still think her increasing verbal assertiveness is an important step, precisely because it’s something she has struggled with in the past.  

 

Increasingly, she is much more assertive about speaking her mind when she’s angry or annoyed with me, and I think that spanking more frequently is almost certain to follow, assuming no intervening health or personal disruptions.

 

The whole carelessness thing has been nagging at me since my first aborted motorcycle adventure a few weeks ago.  It’s probably no coincidence that one of my first posts on carelessness happened about a year ago, and it related to carelessness in relation to my favorite pastime.  I noted:

 

For some reason, it’s [carelessness] shown up a lot in my hobbies and recreational activities.  The first time I recall really wanting a significant spanking for an act of carelessness was on a group motorcycle trip a couple of years ago. The trip included some tough terrain.  Unfortunately, one of my tires was significantly worn, but I didn’t notice it until it was too late to get it replaced.  I decided to risk it and, while no great disaster ensued, it did cause some significant problems and made certain parts of the trip much more dicey than they should have been. I also forgot to bring some necessary equipment, despite having an exhaustive checklist to work from.

 

This year, when I went on a similar trip, I did a better job with ensuring everything was maintained and that I had the right equipment, yet there were still some problems that occurred as a result of not maximizing some things I knew I should, in face, maximize.  There was also one fairly significant incident in which, though I didn’t initiate the carelessness, I went along with a traveling companion’s insistence on something that I knew in my gut was going to cause us a significant problem, and it did.

 

On this year’s aborted trip, the problem presented itself in a slightly different way.  I did experience a mechanical failure while on a difficult portion of a route, but it wasn’t anything I could have prevented. However, the fact that we were on that part of the route at all was as a result of me giving into the wishes of my riding companions to ignore some threatening weather conditions.  Now, the weather conditions have nothing to do with the mechanical failure that ensued.  But, I knew at the time that ignoring those conditions was a mistake and that something bad could have happened as a result of not pushing back on my companions’ risk-ignoring preferences.

 

 

I wrestled with that for a few days: I didn’t speak about someone else’s risky behavior and, instead, went along with it against my better judgment.  At first, I felt like it probably shouldn’t be “spank worthy”, since nothing bad resulted directly from it.  Yet, I also felt like that was perhaps putting too much emphasis on consequences and too little on whether I should have pushed back harder on what was, essentially, peer pressure.

 

So, that all leads me to two questions for possible discussion.

 

First, in determining whether something you do or fail to do will earn a spanking, to what extent does it depend on whether something bad happened as a result of that act or failure?  In other words, especially with respect to something like carelessness, does the consequence of getting spanked depend on whether your actions or omissions resulted in some other bad consequences? Or, is it more the act or omission itself that matters and not whether anything bad resulted from it?

 

Second, most of us who are active on the blog seem to be at a stage in life in which one might think that “peer pressure” was no longer a thing.  Yet, I know in my own life, it often still is a factor influencing my behavior.  It has been an issue when it comes to things like over-consumption of alcohol, though in fairness to my boozy friends, we tend to enable each other’s worst excesses. I can’t really hold them responsible for it.

 

 

When it comes to risky behavior on motorcycle excursions, however, as related above I have often let my companions’ risk-taking preferences take me into situations that I had big reservations about. Absent peer pressure—if only the subtle sort involved in not wanting to be seen as less skilled or more tentative than one’s more adventurous friends—I would have acted differently than I ended up doing.

 

I realize I have an out-sized need for personal accountability and that sometimes we need to treat a mistake as a mistake, and it seems reasonable to do so when nothing bad results.  Basically, “no harm, no foul.”

 

Yet, I also believe that lack of accountability on even genuine mistakes has

ripple effects. If I’m careless—or don’t show sufficient backbone in rejecting temptations—in one area, it can lead to a breakdown in self-discipline in other areas. 

 

For me personally, I feel like there need to be consequences for both the nature of the act and the result. The spanking consequences should be independent of the “real world” consequences, and sometimes otherwise consequence-free incidents of inattention or carelessness should earn a very bad spanking, particularly if a seriously negative result was foreseeable and avoided only by sheer luck.

 

Given my strong leanings toward DD with a maternal vibe, perhaps it’s inevitable that I feel like giving in to peer pressure should result in a spanking, regardless of whether something bad resulted.  In fact, although I have very few memories of getting spanked by my mother, behavior she saw as risky or trouble-making would have gotten me spanked, and it was even more likely to happen if someone else was involved.   

 

 

In fact, in that time and place it would have been fairly likely that both of us would get spanked by whichever parent witnessed the bad behavior, and a call might have been made to the other culprit’s parents.  So, perhaps that childhood experience of communal guilt and punishment still motivates me today.

 

 

What about you?  What role, if any, does peer pressure play in the things you get spanked for today?

 

Hopefully those DD-related scenarios that have been playing out in my life and rolling around in my mind will stimulate some discussion.

 

I hope you have a good week.

Probably No New Post This Week - Possibly for Next Two Weeks

 Hi all.  I hope you're enjoying the weekend.

It's been dead, dead, dead here at the Disciplinary Couples Club.  I assume it's because everyone is out enjoying fun summer stuff, which is as it should be.  Still, with participation this low, it's leaving me with less than zero motivation to spend a few hours writing up a post.  And, I'm not really inspired to talk about anything in particular anyway.  So, I probably won't be posting this week.  I also have some plans for next weekend, which could mean no post that week either.  I'm just going to play it by ear.

FYI, if you're looking for a summer distraction, the Spanked2realtears Tumblr has been doing a somewhat entertaining series of audio stories about a man who ends up getting disciplinary spankings from his attractive, single mother neighbor.  Give it a listen if you're looking for spanking content in a medium (audio) that we don't deal with much here. https://www.tumblr.com/spanked2realtears.  There are four segments in the series, each entitled The Spanking Mom Next Door.  I enjoyed them, perhaps because I'm more audio than visually oriented.  Feel free to comment on it below if you find it interesting.

Have a good week.

Maintaining the DD and FLR Spanking Dynamic With Kids, Social Commitments, Travel and Other Distractions (Meeting 523)

“A man who can't bear to share his habits is a man who needs to quit them.” ― Stephen King, The Dark Tower

Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club.  Our weekly on-line gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.

 

I hope you all had a great week.  Mine was kind of a mess.  I was supposed to be adventuring on my motorcycle for the better part of a week.  Unfortunately, the trip came to a sudden and unanticipated end when I ran into some mechanical difficulty in a very inopportune place. It took about a day to get it fixed, which turned into a fiasco in its own right.  There was enough trip left that I probably could have caught up with the group I had been riding with, but I had also banged myself up a bit, and the entire trip felt cursed.  So, I gave up and rode several uneventful hours back to homebase.

 

 Oh well . . . I keep telling myself that the whole point of adventuring is to put oneself in uncomfortable and potentially painful situations.  Sounds a bit like Domestic Discipline, doesn’t it?

 

A couple of weeks ago, when Anne and I were out on a more sedate adventure, MissE left this topic suggestion:

 

I was reading back over the comments posted on last week’s post and wanted to throw this out there for possible future discussion - Dan, you mentioned that the DD front has been quiet for you both as you’re currently traveling and staying in other people’s homes. How does everyone handle keeping at least the dynamic and accountability alive when staying or being around others for extended periods of time, especially if spanking is not necessarily an option?

 

For instance, my husband and I are in the home stretch to buying a home, so in a few months we are going to go live with my family for a year to save the last bit needed. Obviously, this will provide new challenges, especially regarding our DD. But even aside from that, those of you with children too, or an active social life with your community, how do you reinforce her authority when alone time is limited?

 

We’ve talked a lot about maintaining a Domestic Discipline lifestyle with kids in the house.  Much of that conversation has centered on what kids should know and when, and I think making a conscious decision about that is probably necessary if one of your goals is keeping up a consistent DD dynamic, because I’m not sure there really is a way to do that without being somewhat open to, well, openness.

 

Now, in offering that opinion, I’m definitely in “do what I say, not what I do” territory.  Anne and I were NOT open about the DD aspects of our relationship when we had kids in the house.  But, our paranoia about others knowing, including our now adult children, is something that, with the benefit of hindsight, I see as a mistake.   

 

It led us to accept inconsistency as the price of parenting while in a DD relationship, and I now believe the trade-off was more voluntary and, perhaps, more unnecessary than it felt at the time.

 

I also often wonder whether it may have been pointless.  Kids know more than we think they do, and I have a hard time believing that neither of our kids put two and two together.

 

In fact, I know one of them did draw some conclusions about the overall power dynamic, because once she became an adult and was out of the house, she did ask Anne some probing questions about the fact that Anne seemed to have taken on more decision-making authority.  That was the result of Anne getting somewhat more comfortable with displaying her authority, but it was still pretty subtle.

 

It was a lesson that I could have learned a few years earlier from a commenter named Holly, who had these observations based on her own childhood in a household headed by her disciplinary mother:

 

“Kids know or suspect if you are in a serious disciplinary relationship, even if no spanking is involved, and for sure if regular spanking occurs. Living in the same house you cannot not know a spanking is being administered or that one has been administered. Even if you don't hear it you know from the way everyone acts. (I will admit boys are a little dense about this, as I knew well before my brothers did.) My mother was probably more open than most women and probably spanked more often than most. But ALL spankings were in private and as far as I know she never talked about it until well after we were grown. Before my marriage in my case and after marriage in the cases of my brothers and their wives.

 

As you have described your wife, she actively uses her authority, gives you orders, expects to be obeyed, and more and more acts in charge. A woman is not a disciplinarian only when she is holding a strap. Your kids are aware of that relationship between you even if they are not aware that you are punished with spanking. She is in charge. I grew up knowing that and believe I chose a husband who allowed me to behave much as my mother. (Actually, he chose me, but knowing my mother spanked made a big impression on him.) Your wife may be correct that the kids don't know about the spanking. But the physical discipline is only part of "passing it on." It’s the presence or absence of real DD in the relationship. My three brothers also chose women who controlled them. Two of them are spanked by their wives, while I am not sure about the third. But they are all happy (so are their wives)."

 

We did manage to keep our DD going despite not being consciously open about it, but it did come at the price of both consistency and her inability to fully explore and display her authority.

 

Both our kids were young when we started DD, which allowed Anne to conduct sessions in the basement after they were asleep.  In the teen years, they stayed up later than we did, so DD sessions had to be relegated to times they were both out of the house. Often, working sessions into a hectic, unpredictable schedule meant taking the rare opportunities whenever they presented themselves.

Another option is to deliver a quick session with an especially quiet instrument.  Though, I still have a hard time believing that kids won’t put two and two together if mom is frequently calling dad to the bedroom for a quick “discussion”.

 

 

There were also a few times when I would be called home from work for a spanking while the kids were in school. Or, work schedules allowing, an early morning spanking once the kids were off to school might be workable.

 

Honestly, I wish I had better advice for maintaining the dynamic with kids around but, apart from being OK with a greater degree of openness about it around the house, I really don’t. The fact is, it was hard to maintain any regular DD dynamic.

 

Our social life has not been a big impediment to reinforcing her authority.  In fact, in one limited instance, it’s allowed her to more openly display that authority. I’ve talked a few times about an incident that occurred a year or so ago, in which we were out to dinner with another couple, and Anne believed I was dominating the conversation and behaving boorishly.  When the husband and I stepped away from the table for a few minutes, Anne told the wife—a mutual friend who is the only person I’ve told about our DD lifestyle—that she intended to spank me.  I’m sure it reinforced her sense of her own authority, and it humbled and embarrassed me, which further reinforced our dynamic and our respective roles in it.

 

But, again, the only reason the dynamic was reinforced was because we had opened up to someone about it. In order to really grow the dynamic, I think we would have to explore other opportunities for her to more openly display her power.  

 

I’m always fascinated by the story our former (and hopefully future) commenter KOJ has told about his wife become much more openly assertive once they retired, and how that culminated with her spanking him at a party taking place in another’s home:

 

“The "anywhere, anytime, for any reason" grew out of our shared belief that the best way to break bad habits is with immediate consequences -- similar to the gentleman who got spanked in front of the light switch he forgot to turn off. For years those immediate consequences happened only when we were alone, but as I have mentioned she became much more brazen after our retirements, including threats in front of just about anyone and punishment in earshot of others. She never invited witnesses but there was one accidental witness, a story I will tell someday.”

 

"Then came the shock of my life that I have previously mentioned when she took me upstairs during a party and set me on fire with a hairbrush that could be clearly heard, and then we returned to the party. Now that was a surprise! But I must say that it dramatically improved my behavior out in public because I did not want a repeat of the embarrassment."

 

Another small step toward maintaining the dynamic while socializing has been warning me, while out socially, about what will await me if I don’t toe the line.  There have been many occasions when my behavior was starting to drift and Anne would whisper a reminder to behave and a threat of what would happen if I didn’t or would pantomime a spanking motion while others weren’t looking.  

 

 

Couples might also choose to use their social calendar to reinforce the dynamic by incorporating “preventative” spankings into their preparation for social events. Although Anne hasn't done this often, she has a few times, and I can attest it kept me thinking about our dynamic throughout the event.

MissE also asked about maintaining consistency while traveling.  We have not done a good job of that. I usually bring an innocuous “pervertable” item that can be used for spanking—such as a heavy leather belt—when we travel together.  But, it rarely sees the outside of my suitcase.  Although she has used it a few times, it’s very apparent that she is squeamish about other guests overhearing.

 

Also, given that our roadtrips are often in a van, there is very little real excuse for not simply pulling over somewhere convenient to take care of attitude and other problems on the spot.

 

 So, I’m clearly not the best person to talk about how to maintain and foster the DD dynamic in the face of kids, social, work, and other distractions.  Hopefully some of the rest of you can give MissE some concrete advice. 

 

In light of her upcoming move back into the parent’s house, and the references in this post to being spanked at a party, I’m also curious whether any of you have been spanked in another person’s home.  If so, I hope you’ll share some details.

 

 

Have a great week!

 

 

 

 

 

What If You No Longer "Needed" Disciplinary Spankings? (Meeting 522)

“Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it.” - Salvador Dali

Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club.  Our weekly on-line gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.

 

I hope you all had a great week. Or two.

 

It’s been a while since we had a real post, and I almost canceled this one.  We were on the road for about 10 days, staying with friends for a few nights, and the rest living out of van and hotels with two adults and two dogs.  In temperatures capping out well over 100 degrees. 

 

I was more than ready to get home. But, after a couple of days sleeping in my own bed, I’ll be off on a motorcycle adventure for a week starting this weekend. 

 

As an introvert, I hate feeling over-scheduled, even when it is fun stuff and by choice.  I’m hoping that the last part of the summer is more settled than the first.

 

As for the trip we just returned from, it was generally good, even if it involved too much time on the actual road. Anne and I got along better than we usually do when traveling, possibly because my attitude was a bit better than usual.  But, it’s all relative.  I have definitely had my moments of temper vis-à-vis other drivers.  And, although I always feel justified when I get into a bad mood when traveling, in retrospect I also almost always recognize that some of it was childish and merits a childish punishment.  So, if she decides to spank for it, it’s more than warranted.

 

Since I am going to be out again and unable to respond promptly to any comments or requests to release captive mis-identified spam, I decided to post this one a little early, and it will have to be sufficient for probably another 10 days or so.

 

Norton has brought it up a couple of times, though last week it was introduced with this anonymous comment:

 

As a possible future or sub-topic I’m curious what happens in a DD relationship when the reasons for punishment disappear or are eradicated? I have been punished on average I estimate every 10 days since we started many years ago. Sometimes more frequently, occasionally less. Recently we seem to be in complete harmony and even when we are not, I have controlled my usual irritations, sarcasm and/or rudeness. My wife has even commented how pleased she is that there have been no reasons for a session.

 

How long this will go on I don’t know… I’m curious about other people’s experiences or thoughts?

 

Norton responded:

 

There were several comments r.e. what happens to your DD if you become a changed man, and the need to be spanked largely disappears? My current experience is much the same as the first commenter's, as I said in the last post. Of course, I still have fantasies about being spanked, and they seem to be a core part of my sexuality. However, for the last 6 weeks, I haven't felt the need for a spanking, and have been very careful to not do anything to earn one. We continue to have a check in every week, but it no longer includes a spanking, which it has every week for the last 5 years. She still has the authority to spank for any reason, and that could even include stress relief for her. I could also ask her for a spanking, and will do so, if I realized I needed one. She enjoys being spanked foreplay, which is a turn on for me, but she doesn't want it to be the least bit real. She doesn't get turned on by spanking me, but she does enjoy some of the other benefits, such as having a better behaved, more vulnerable, partner, and having more power in the relationship. It seems like this may be a relevant topic to explore, since three of us have commented on it already in this post.

 

Alan illustrated how his DD relationship has developed over time with respect to how often he needs—or, how often his wife decides he needs—a spanking.

 

Every couple probably carves out their own timetable for “how long it takes” to get to that point where the need for spanking is extinguished or sharply diminished. But I expect that most couples experience a gradual decrease in the use of punishment spanking over time, not a full cessation of spanking: it always remains a part of a relationship. My wife has said she expects always to need to spank me at least occasionally. For us, disciplinary spanking frequency reached its initial maximum within about two years and stabilized there for several years. Somewhere around six or seven years, she tightened the boundaries on a lot of things I was doing (not doing actually), and the frequency of spanking shot up again for several years. Somewhere between our 12th and 15th year of DD, it gradually declined again to what became our long-term “norm”. (3-5 spankings a year).

 

That norm can fluctuate a lot from year to year. So, until last year, I had been getting 3-5 punishment spankings a year for several years, but last year I probably got more than one a month on average. But during the pandemic, I went over a year without being spanked, so there was a lot of fluctuation.

 

So that’s the big picture. Within that big frame, however, there were phases. One phase, still operating with us, is that the scope of her standards and expectations kept enlarging. Chores and responsibilities around the house kept increasing (not unreasonably), and strictness in enforcing rules tightened up. Things become “spankable” that originally were minor offenses or not even within the scope of discipline. Some once minor spankings became major ones, and so on.

 

A separate phase was the rebellions I put on when she tightened the screws on me or clipped my wings in some way. These bothered her initially, but she learned to expect them (and how to deal with them). We both consider those “mini” rebellions part of a healthy dynamic, although very early on, they did put a hit on her confidence (as well as my ass).

 

I also tend to “get in trouble” in bunches. Historically, the winter holidays have been a very dangerous period for that, and multi-day travel by car is similar. Interestingly, these instances of high risk have gone down over time as she has handled them more decisively, but they still do occur

 

So “what happens when there seems no need to spank …)? Each couple must work that out –no cookie-cutter formula exists for it. Apparently, some couples use maintenance spanking or (as my wife has done) increase the use of “preventive spanking.” These can fill that void while keeping things on an even keel. In any event, if we were at a point where we were missing the absence of spanking, I hope we would sit down and decide together if that was a problem and, if so, what to do about it. What can help heaps is a wife or GF just expressing pleasure at your good behavior and maybe including an implied threat about the consequences if that behavior doesn’t continue.

 

I admit I haven’t thought a lot about what would happen if I suddenly no longer deserved spankings periodically?  It’s because I don’t really foresee that happening.  Or, I don’t see it happening until I’m old enough that it will be more about lack of energy than about a fully reformed character. 

 

That’s why I led with the quote at the top of this post.  I know myself well enough that I seriously doubt that I will reach a point where I don’t do stupid, imprudent things.

 

And don’t lose my temper when driving, especially on long, hot trips.

 

Or, do careless things that result in wasted time and diminished bank balances. Or any of the myriad of other things I do that push or buttons or have a tangible negative impact on one of our lives.

Now, the question of whether a time will come when I don’t deserve spankings is different from the question of whether I might reach a point where I don’t feel like I need that part of our life anymore.  But, the two issues are intertwined. 

 

There have been times when I thought maybe I had matured to such a point that I no longer needed imposed boundaries and guardrails. Then, as if merely by having that thought I jinxed my own development, I would always do something that reinforced that no, I had not reached some new pinnacle of personal development that made DD unnecessary in my life.

 

Norton’s question is, in some ways, probably a litmus test regarding our respective primary motivations for wanting this kind of relationship in the first place.  Is it about the accountability?  The need for penance?  The need for boundaries and limits?

 

Or, is it just a spanking fetish?  If our behavior improves to the extent that we don’t “need” a spanking in the sense of deserving one and profiting from the boundaries one imposes, would we still “need” one in the sense of desiring it even if consequences were not at issue.

 

For me, that’s a tough one. A few years ago, I probably would have said that my desire was so inextricably tied to the need for accountability that spanking without that element would have no attraction.

 

I think that’s still mostly true, but I think over the last few years I’ve also come to appreciate how much my need for accountability is intertwined with a need to be under someone’s authority and to experience the vulnerability that entails. 

 

Moreover, even if my behavior did improve by leaps and bounds, I suspect the goalposts would keep getting moved, either in the sense of her getting more consistent and strict in punishing agreed upon behavior or in coming up with entirely new areas to address.   

 

 

And, in my opinion, that’s how it should be.  I don’t think there will ever be a point where I’m wholly satisfied with my behavior and accomplishments, and I doubt a time will come when I don’t want my wife to have the power to push me along.

 

Although our DD relationship began at my request, over the years she's reached a point where she enjoys her control and authority, both in terms of its effect on my behavior, and also for its own sake.  Therefore, I don't foresee a time in which she suddenly decides that she has the perfect husband and, therefore, she no longer feels a need to exercise control - regardless of how I assess my own level of reformation.

I’m reminded of a couple of comments left by KOJ (I hope this is just one of his periodic long absences and that he comes back around soon).

 

“Here's a paradox. In the first years of our DD (until I was well-trained), the better I responded to my wife's spankings, the more spankings I got!

 

Why? Two reasons.  One, she saw that they worked to improve my attitude and subdue my male ego, but I still had a long way to go in her eyes. Two, she saw that spankings worked, so she kept adding issues covered by DD. 

 

 

First it was all about respecting her. Then she added treating the kids better. Then she added respecting others. Then she added punctuality. Then she added my drinking. Then she added picking up after myself. Then she added actual chores. Then she added procrastination. On and on -- a seemingly receding horizon of new issues that guaranteed me an almost constant sore backside for a decade.  And she was right about every single issue.” – KOJ

 

“I think one of the reasons that our DD really took off is that my wife truly did have goals for me; it wasn't me asking her to hold me accountable for goals I was setting. She decided the goals, and she enforced them with hairbrush and bath brush. I knew these goals were good for me, or for our marriage, so I did not object.

 

She would just announce them: ‘You're going to lose 20 pounds over the next three months. You're going to start exercising five times a week. You're going to stop saying the F-word. You're going to ask permission before you have a third drink. You're going to call me when you have to stay at work late.” On and on and on.

 

She always had at least one goal for me in addition to frequent ‘attitude adjustments.’ When I developed one habit she wanted, she would start on a new one. It became a challenge for me; a game but a real one -- to achieve the goals she set. When I got lazy or forgetful, my butt got the reminder. It worked for us!”

 

In terms of frequency, ours is roughly similar to Alan’s, with probably about 5-6 spankings a year, though it fluctuates a lot.  Where we may or may not differ is that I see that average as less than ideal. That level of frequency is more closely tied to our challenges with consistency than to my actual behavior.  In other words, the fact that I get spanked only a half-dozen times a year or so does not mean that I don’t deserve to be spanked way more often than that, and it definitely doesn’t mean that a half-dozen times a year is sufficient to address all the areas she has indicated she’d like to change.

 

For us, the ideal is probably something much closer to what KOJ describes – escalating levels of control on her part, more frequent spankings to reflect her desires for my behavioral change, and a generally heightened inclination on her part to use the power that I know she has come to enjoy.

 

How about you?  What do you think would happen to the DD aspect of your relationship if the behavioral changes you both initially wanted to address were fulfilled?  Do you think that’s even likely? In the possibly unlikely event that it did happen, would she simply move the goalposts?  Is that something you would want?  Or, would the spanking aspect of the relationship continue but without the linkage to behavior correction and being held accountable?

 

Have a great week-to-10 days.

Taking Some (More) Time Off - Happy 4th.

 

Happy Independence Day for those of you in the United States.  We're still on the road, so I won't be posting this week (again).  Enjoy the holiday and be safe.

Taking Some Time Off - Happy (Advance) Independence Day

Happy Saturday.  I hope you all are enjoying your weekend.  We are heading out on a trip this weekend.  We're playing our return by ear, but it will be sometime after the July 4th holiday here in the U.S.  

Everything has been pretty dead here anyway.  Maybe a couple of weeks without a topic to address will give everyone a chance to recharge their interest in all things Domestic Discipline.  I hope you're all getting to spend some of the summer relaxing with family and friends, and I hope all of you in the U.S. get a long weekend off.  Behave yourselves and be safe.

No Post This Week, But Feel Free to Comment on This

Happy Saturday to you all.  

I'm taking a small trip over the weekend with an indeterminate end date.  So, I won't be posting this week.

When I don't post, I usually feel a bit guilty for slacking, but if last week's comments were any indication, maybe everyone needs a break anyway.  Man, was it ever quiet.  I don't remember the last time I've gone a full day, and then some, without a single comment.  

Thank you to those of you who did weigh in on a topic that clearly wasn't seen as compelling by enough people to get much of a conversation going.

Instead of just going silent for the week though, I thought it might be an opportunity to post this sequence of AI-generated memes I saw a few days ago on this Tumblr.  I'm not sure which AI platform he's using, but it could definitely use a spellchecker.  Still, I liked the scenario he came up with.

The last frame doesn't resonate for me, as it plays into too many concerns some have about what might happen if kids, including adult kids, were to find about the parents' DD relationship.  I'm all for mixing up hierarchies, but adult kids getting the full visual crosses some visceral lines for me.

I do, however, have a strong positive reaction to the wife's straightforward, business-like declaration: "I paddled him for not doing his chores."

I also like her explanation in the penultimate frame: "This is his idea. Dad needs accountability when he messes up. He expects me to discipline him."  I like it because, unlike so many spanking memes, it's true to how most of these relationships work in real life.  He brings her the idea because he feels like he needs imposed accountability, and she at worst accommodates and at best actively embraces it.

Anne had one conversation with our adult daughters that was a much less direct version of the above.  One day out of the blue, one of them made a comment about how Anne seemed to increasingly be "wearing the pants" vis-a-vis her relationship with me.  Anne replied with something to the effect that it was what I wanted; that I had a job that required me to always be in control and make all the decisions, and that I didn't want that at home and, in fact, kind of wanted the opposite.  As I said, it was much more vague than the scenario above, but somewhat parallel and basically true even if some important parts were omitted.

Anyway, I guess I kind of ended up writing a post, didn't I?  Feel free to post about the memes above and any thoughts/feelings the scenario raises for you, or feel free to continue the conversation about last week's post.

Have a great week.  FYI, there is some chance I may need to do something like this again next week, as Anne and I are going on a roadtrip that may cover a couple of weekends.