"To do great things is difficult, but to command great things is more difficult." - Friedrich Nietzsche
Hello all. Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club. Our weekly meeting of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline and/or Female Led (FLR) relationships.
Once again, before we get started, I would like to extend a specific invitation to our female readers to move from “lurker” to “commenter” status. We miss having you around.
Wow, it seems like a long time since we’ve gotten together, doesn’t it? Or perhaps my sense of time is just warped after over a week of adventuring in areas where the day of the week didn’t matter for much. We got off into some pretty desolate areas, including long, long stretches in which we didn’t see other human beings for many hours.
It turned into a pretty rough adventure. One of those that reminds me that some things are just a hell of a lot harder in my 50s than they would have been when I was a decade or two younger. I came back from the trip very wiped out, and it’s taking me longer to recover than anticipated. I also took a fall that was pretty bad and may have done some lasting damage. But, all in all, I came back in a better frame of mind than I did the last time I did something similar. This time it felt more like a real growth experience.
Last time, there were some careless mistakes on my part that left me very pissed off and disappointed with myself. Nothing on that scale happened this time around, though there was one instance in which I acceded to someone else’s risk-taking decision, we paid a pretty significant price for it, and it could have been a lot worse. But, all in all, it was an improvement over last time, and I feel like maybe focusing some attention on “carelessness”—and to some extent making it a focus for our DD—may be paying off a bit.
Probably because I came back so exhausted from the trip, I’m at a low-ebb where DD interest is concerned. Thankfully, I have a small backlog of topic suggestions. A couple of weeks ago, TB suggested this one:
“In terms of future discussions, I am interested in what people see as the 'ideal' DD relationship? What would it look like, feel like, how would your partner behave, talk, act, what changes would they ideally like to see in their current DD relationship? May have been covered before but I have tried to describe this many times to my wife with varying success...”
I’m a little leery about this topic because, although it hasn’t been a huge issue, from time to time we get commenters who like to complain about all the ways in which their wives are failing to cater to every aspect of their spanking fetish. I get the sense they are constantly asking their partner to step it up in way or another, despite the fact that few women find being pestered attractive.
On the other hand, I believe that communication is key to these relationships. Our wives aren’t mind readers, and if handled in the right way, letting them know what we want or think we need can be helpful.
So, I think this is a topic worth exploring, and hopefully it won’t degenerate into a bitch session about each and every thing we find lacking in our DD and FLR relationships.
I will kick it off.
Strong maternal element. Over the last couple of years, I’ve come to some realizations about the extent to which I want the DD aspects of our relationship to have a strong maternal element. However, it’s easier for me to say that in the abstract than to articulate how that would look in terms of TB’s specific questions as to how my partner would behave, talk, and act.
Preliminarily, I think it would involve an element of her having the undisputed primary role in making and enforcing the rules. Ideally, it would be close to the “my house, my rules” attitude many of us experienced growing up; almost arbitrary assertions of authority that put one in one’s place far more than agreed-upon rules.
It would also entail an increased level of strictness around the rules and an increasing emphasis on obedience for obedience’s sake. Again, that dynamic would emphasize the hierarchy inherent in a real maternal dynamic.
When it came time for discipline, there would be a more explicit adoption of a full-on maternal dynamic, with both the words and the tone emphasizing her maternal role, with me being reduced to something like a surly teenager who has earned a real blistering and is going to get one.
I want to emphasize that, while we are not living this maternal “ideal,” we have taken steps in that direction this year, and I very much appreciate Anne’s efforts in exploring it with me.
Strictness and control. Independent of the whole maternal dynamic, for me the ideal includes more strictness and less letting me get away with excuses and explanations. It means setting high standards and then enforcing them rigorously. It also means that the strictness would ideally be something she initiates, as opposed to me asking for or suggesting it.
There would be a real, “This is how it’s going to be, and it’s going to happen whether you like it or not” aspect to it all.
Consistency and frequency. “Consistency” is probably just another word for strictness. It’s always been a challenge for us. Rules and standards get set, but the consequences are unpredictable and often all-too-easily avoided. I also think there probably needs to be some increased frequency.
A few weeks ago, I was over Anne’s knee, receiving a well-deserved butt blistering for an offense that has happened many times. During a short pause she asked, “Do I just need to spank you more often?” Although her question was rhetorical, the literally true answer is almost certainly “yes.” When I’m being honest with myself and her, it’s a rare week that I don’t do something that would probably merit a spanking in an ideally strict environment.
Yet, they tend to happen more like monthly than weekly. It seemed like we were moving toward a regime emphasizing more frequency, but it kind of sputtered out.
Openness. Part of me really wants her authority to be on more open display. In the past, I had strong negative reactions to being embarrassed, yet paradoxically I often feel a need to have others know or suspect the nature of our relationship. Moreover, I find her rare open displays of authority sexy as hell. At least in retrospect.
Again, I want to emphasize that overall I’m very happy with our dynamic. I don’t need the “ideal,” and I appreciate all her efforts over the years.
I also recognize that asking for the ideal carries a huge “be careful what you wish for; you might get it” risk. With that in mind, I’ll add this to TB’s questions: "Have you ever pushed for your ideal, gotten it, then found it was too much or very different from what you thought it would be?”
Have a great week.
