The Club - Meeting 484 - Aging, Injuries, Interruptions, and Getting Back on Track

“Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.” - Tom Stoppard

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly meeting of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline and/or Female Led (FLR) relationships.

 

Once again, before we get started, I would like to extend a specific invitation to our female readers to move from “lurker” to “commenter” status. We miss having you around.

 

I hope you all had a good week.  Ours was . . . well . . . honestly, kind of shitty.  And, the nature of the shittiness portends a difficult second half of the year and the strong possibility of getting WAY off track with respect to the DD and FLR aspects of our relationship.

 

A couple of weeks ago, I alluded to the fact that I was having trouble recovering from a recent motorcycle adventure and that Anne was also struggling with an injury.

 

Without going into detail, I banged myself up pretty good while on one of my recent motorcycle adventures.  A month later, it’s still a problem. I saw an orthopedist, and it was pretty clear he thinks I’ve torn something.  I have a definitive imaging test scheduled for next week.  If it does turn out I need surgery to repair the damage, I’ve had the same kind of surgery before and, frankly, it pretty much sucked.

 

It's really irritating and demoralizing.  I’ve talked about how last year I felt like I let myself get really stagnant and slipped on all sorts of measures around fitness, activity levels, and adventuring in early retirement.  I’ve been feeling like I was making up a lot of ground this year. 

 

 

Now, instead, of living retirement like the above meme, I’m likely going to be limping into the new year, with some substantial restrictions on physical activities lasting well into next year.

 

Meanwhile, Anne’s situation is even worse and entails a really crappy year-end for both of us, particularly for her.  We knew there was a substantial chance that her injury could require surgery, but we thought it likely would be minor. Nope.  Turns out her problem is way worse than mine and likely will require a very serious surgery with an equally serious recovery period.  So, instead of engaging in some joint adventuring in the RV over the rest of the summer and into the fall, we’re likely to both be convalescing, in her case with some very serious mobility restrictions that will ensure I’m acting as chauffeur and maid for months.

 

With all that venting off my chest, it seemed like a natural segue into a topic Norton suggested a few weeks ago, namely:

 

“Another topic that we could explore is how to get things back on track after taking a break from spanking. We are dealing with that now, and in some ways, it feels like we are starting over.”

 

Anne and I had already been experiencing a bit of a lull ourselves, and I had been mulling over how to get us back on track.  So, the topic is timely for me and I am interested in what others have done after experiencing a significant break or hiatus.

 

I’m also curious about how, for those of you who aren’t getting any younger, the aging process has affected your Domestic Discipline and FLR relationships.

 

For the most part, I feel like aging has been a good thing for us on all sorts of levels, including but not limited to DD.

 

In some ways, the older demographic we are in is more consistent with the thing I’ve had for older women, going back to at least high school.  Anne looks a lot younger than any of the “older spanker” pics I have collected and posted here, but I continue to experience a certain vibe from older, authoritative women that I just don’t experience from younger ones.

 

 

I also feel like Anne’s confidence and openness about her role have grown by leaps and bounds as we moved into the post-kids, post-retirement phase of our relationship.

 

She hasn’t reached KOJ’s wife’s level of openness (see previous posts describing commenter KOJ’s wife spanking him at a party within earshot of guests), but she has started being very cavalier about spanking me in broad daylight, with the shades open, where neighbors could at least theoretically see in.  That would not have happened when she was younger and much more concerned with reputational ramifications at work and among our social set. If I bought her a cup like this today, I'm not sure that she wouldn't be pretty comfortable using it openly (though she doesn't drink coffee):

 

It's also almost certainly the case that she spanks as hard or harder than she did when 20 years younger.  I think it’s also true that she isn’t nearly as concerned about my reaction to punishments as she might have been in her younger days.  She’s far more comfortable exercising her authority without letting concerns about my reaction paralyzing her or causing her very much angst or self-doubt.  She carries herself differently than she did 20 years ago when she's in disciplinarian mode, and that's a good look on her:

Yet, it’s also true that we seem to have become more injury-prone as we’ve gotten into our 50s. If I do need surgery for this current injury, I will have only one limb that doesn’t have some artificial parts.  And, looking back at past posts, it was only about a year and a half ago that I posted a topic about “surrogates” in connection with another injury Anne had suffered that might result in a lengthy hiatus from her DD role.  It has me thinking about that issue, and how much more consistent and flexible things might be if we had something like the real DWC, in which men could be and were sent to other women in the group for discipline when needed.

It could even be in Anne's presence.  When I look at my vast collection of "witness"-tagged spanking art (it's probably the biggest category I have, demonstrating how prevalent that fantasy must be), it's easy to imagine some of them as involving one wife giving another a helping hand (pun intended).

 

One thing that is different this time around is Anne’s injury is not to her hand or arm. So, it’s theoretically possible that after a recovery period of a few weeks, we can get back on track, though I’m guessing the OTK position may be out for a while.  Our recent discussions about furniture and implements turned out to be timely, as I’m guessing it may be time for her to explore the cane, and the strap and large paddle might be seeing more use, with me draped over the bed or bent over a chair.

 

How about you?  Have you experienced long breaks in the DD part of your relationship, whether from injury, illness, or just the various impediments “real life” tends to present?  Or, maybe you just fell out of the habit. If so, how did you get back on track?

 

Has aging played a part in any of those breaks?  What other aspects of your DD relationship has the aging process played in your DD, for better or worse?

 

Have a great week.

 

 

The Club - Meeting 483 - Who is really in control? Safewards and, Conversely, Restraints?

“A kite needs to be tied down in order to fly. I learned how important restrictions can sometimes be in order to experience freedom.” - Damien Rice

 

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly meeting of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline and/or Female Led (FLR) relationships.

 

Once again, before we get started, I would like to extend a specific invitation to our female readers to move from “lurker” to “commenter” status. We miss having you around.

 

In that vein, welcome to MC and AE, Disciplinary Wives who over the last week or two have decided to join in our discussions.  Welcome! 

I hope you all had a good week.  This summer has been all about ramping up my life-long motorcycle fetish, and this week was no exception.  I won’t go into the details, but I ended up calling it quits a day early, which is why I am able to get around to posting this weekend.  I felt like I needed a breather.  And, I'm still feeling the effects of an injury from my other recent adventure trip and strongly suspect I have a surgery in my near future.  Oh well.  . . .  Motorcycles may not be exactly safe, but I can think of more dangerous pursuits at this age.

 

Any way, on to this week's topic. It's a two-parter.  As you'll see below, the second part was suggested by a couple of reader comments, including one from the newly joined MC.  But, I didn't have a lot of material with which to turn it into a full post, and these to parts seem to me to fit together naturally.  

 

The first part is basically a verbatim re-posting of a topic from five years ago.

 

That topic is “safewords.”  Here is how an urban dictionary entry describes it: “In BDSM, begging to stop increases pleasure and reality. A safeword is used to actually mean "stop", since screams for stopping aren't sincere. The safeword is usually a normal word, like "pink", "banana", or "door" and is determined before starting play.”

 

 

While safewords may seem like a pretty straightforward topic, unlike in the BDSM context where they seem to be treated as more or less mandatory, in DD there are some layers to peel back.

 

 “Consent,” "consensual non-consent," and true non-consent have been on my mind a lot lately.  I’ve always known that part of what initially attracted me to DD was the prospect of losing control to someone or, more accurately, having control taken away from me. 

 

When I discovered the Disciplinary Wives Club, the stories that appealed to me most were those in which the corporal punishment regimen was imposed by the wife, as opposed to initiated at the husband’s request.

 

Similarly, stories in which a spanking goes on way past the husband’s self-perceived limits were and are morbidly attractive to me. 

 

Being spanked when I really, truly do not want to be has always been part of the perverse appeal Domestic Discipline has for me.  Same with being taken way past the point of mere discomfort, to the point that it feels like I simply cannot take anymore.  Yet, take it I must.

 

 

Safewords are not part of our relationship and never have been. To me, they are inconsistent with my need for disciplinary spankings to be as “real” as we, as consenting adults, can contrive.

 

With a safeword, I would remain in control, and that is the exact opposite of what I want.  For us, spanking is all about accountability, consequences, punishment, and payback.  Giving me the ability to shorten the duration of a spanking or lessen its severity by simply uttering an agreed-upon word or phrase seems inconsistent with those motivations. This cartoon from KD Pierre illustrates it nicely.

 

For us, the whole point of DD is putting my butt's fate in her hands, letting her decide when enough is enough, and making sure that some punishments are way more than I want to repeat. 

 

Now, that doesn’t mean a spanking should ever be pushed to a place where it is unsafe or risks causing real injury.  But, for us, a safeword isn’t necessary even in that context.   

 

 

We have been married for a third of a century. We’ve been doing Domestic Discipline for almost 20 years.  We know each other’s actions and reactions so well, if I felt something was really wrong, I’d just say so.  There is no doubt in my mind that she would pause and, if something was wrong, stop the spanking.

 

Also don’t tend to verbalize a lot during spankings, at least not with words.  I do plenty of grunting, groaning and yelping, but I don’t beg her to stop.  Now, we’ve talked a bit about me vocalizing more, and maybe if we did a safeword would minimize confusion. On the other hand, I feel like I can accomplish the same thing simply no not saying “Stop, something is wrong!”   

 

What do you think?  Yes or no on safe words?  Are there some situations (medical emergency, real injury, etc.) where it is appropriate but others (the spanking just hurts a lot) where it is just trying to avoid the punishment itself and should not be allowed?  If you do use one, care to share what it is?

 

Safewords are all about empowering the recipient to end a spanking on their terms.  Last week, a couple of comments related to the converse, i.e. doing something to control a spanking recipient who may be struggling to take what he knows he is due.

 

 

In discussing some modifications he made to a dining table, Adek had the following topic suggestion:

 

“We have solid oak dining table with very chunky legs. I made some minor modifications (a couple of eye hooks hidden under the table top) as the biggest issue with me is moving when receiving a spanking. The idea was that with legs secured at the knees to the table legs and hands cuffed and secured to the eye hooks this would prevent moving. I’m also fascinated by the description here where a the woman is able to give the larger man a severe spanking despite apparent resistance. https://www.spankinglife.com/how-i-spank-my-husband. I think restraints and restraining are very interesting as removing the husband’s ability to resist for me would seem very humbling and step up the realism of a punishment.

 

Later in the week, MC described her preferred spanking furniture set up:

 

I tend to use a backless wooden barstool. I can drape my husband over it in either direction, and he can hold onto the cross bars to support himself. I have a long belt that can go around him and the seat to hold him in place, but I only use it occasionally. For our respective heights, it works well, as his bottom is stable and I have room for a good swing.

 

Late this week, AE also brought up restraints, noting that she and her husband do not use them, as she expects him to hold still and cooperate without them.

 

To me, using restraints to immobilize the spankee is the converse of using a safeword.  Restraints emphasize that the spankee is not in control and does not get to get up or thrash around in a physical declaration that he has had enough.

 

 

Yet, even though I do crave being taken outside of my comfort zone, restraints aren’t a part of our DD practice.

 

We did experiment with them a few times. I bought some cuffs that attached to a strap and a small bar that could be used to secure the cuffs to the top or bottom of a door.  When the kids were young, we would often conduct discipline sessions in the basement, after they were bed.  There was a large storage closet that was accessed through a door in the basement bathroom, which provided a double layer of security and sound-proofing.  We experimented with draping me over a small foot stool, binding my hands in front of me with the cuffs and securing them to the underside of the door using the attached strap and bar. 

 

Given that it did render me pretty helpless, I thought it would add to the sense of being completely under her control, subject to whatever severity and length of spanking she chose to deliver, whether I agreed with it or not.

 

For whatever reason, it didn’t have the anticipated psychological impact.  Perhaps my lack of emotional reaction is rooted in the same dynamic that has always led me to reject safewords:  No matter how hard the spanking, I’ve never tried to resist by thrashing around to get out of position.

 

Now, if I did, I would want her to solve that in some concrete way, perhaps something like the belt MC sometimes uses to secure her husband to the bar stool.

 

But, I don’t think we would use something like the cuffs again.  Over the last couple of years, we’ve simplified the whole spanking “ritual” a lot and, as I explained last week, I think that’s been a good thing in that it has encouraged consistency and frequency. Cuffs and elaborate restraints are a complication I don’t think either of us would really want.

 

 And, of course, there is nothing that says being restrained requires a piece of equipment.  While Anne has never actually used it with me, I find the whole “arm behind the back” thing perversely attractive.

 

Perhaps augmented with a leg-lock.  

 

 

Or, for those who have experienced or fantasized about witnesses, perhaps those witnesses could have a more active role in securing cooperation? (I realize that's probably not quite the scenario depicted in this drawing, but I like it a lot and wanted an excuse to use it.)

How about you?  Have you ever been tied down or restrained during a spanking or restrained your partner, whether with implements like straps, belts or ropes  or using body positioning like an arm or leg lock?  Are restraints--implements or bodily--part of your usual routine or reserved for certain occasions, such as when a spanking is going to be especially severe or the recipient is already sore from a previous session?

Does the recipient have a strong emotional or psychological response to being restrained? Does it make the spanker feel more powerful or in control?

 

Have a good week.

The Club - Meeting 482 - Pervertable Furniture Pieces and Spanking Rituals

“Purification and redemption are such recurrent themes in ritual because there is a clear and ubiquitous need for them: we all do regrettable things as a result of our own circumstances, and new rituals are frequently invented in response to new circumstances.” ― Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

 

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly meeting of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline and/or Female Led (FLR) relationships.

 

Once again, before we get started, I would like to extend a specific invitation to our female readers to move from “lurker” to “commenter” status. We miss having you around.

 

I hope you all had a great week.  Mine was pretty sedate, but I’m having a hard time bouncing back and recovering from my recent adventure trip.  Anne’s also working through an annoying injury. It feels like we’re both kind of limping our way through the summer.  This getting old thing isn’t for sissies.

 

I thought the post on our respective ideas about the “ideal” domestic discipline or FLR arrangement might generate a little more interest, but apparently many of our readers are as distracted with summer activities as I have been.  But, thank you to those who did participate.  A couple of common themes—neither of which I found surprising—is most of our participants’ “ideal” seems to include a high degree of consistency coupled with a high degree of initiative/control on our wives’ part. In other words, our ideal seems to be a wife who is consistent and strict and who initiates that strictness instead of responding to our prompting/pestering. 

 

I was also heartened that multiple emphasized that the few “tweaks” they might like to experience did not mean that they were not highly satisfied with their current DD relationship and are, instead, very grateful for their wife’s willingness to take part in it.

 

For this week, I’m once again not getting a lot of inspiration. And, it doesn’t seem like many of our regulars are paying attention right now anyway. So, I thought I’d follow up on a topic suggestion that may or may not add up to a full topic.  Several weeks ago, MW made this suggestion.

 

“This might not deserve a whole topic, but: upgrading the spanking-compatible furniture is surprisingly tricky! First, it has to look innocent and work with the room. Second, it has to fit a large man draped over it nicely. How exactly do you test this? Third, what do husband and wife each want from the positions and moods encouraged by the furniture?”

 

Al added:

 

"There are some interesting ideas here. Combining a spanking furniture topic with a spanking ritual topic might contain enough discussion points for a good week of discussion - they seem to go together. . . .”

 

So, let’s go with those.

 

We’ve never seemed to have much trouble adapting our existing furniture for spanking purposes.  At one time or another, I’ve been spanked laying over her lap on a sofa, over the arm of a sofa, over the back of sofa, propped up on pillows on a bed, bent over a bed, over a footstool, and even draped over a large exercise ball.

 

 

For most of our DD relationship, we were not doing OTK. That changed over the last couple of years, to the point that it’s now our preferred position.  When we’re at home, virtually every spanking is with her seated on a large ottoman that is at the foot of our bed.  Kind of like this one. 

 

Before we started using it for OTK, we would place a thick, solid meditation cushion on top of the ottoman, and I would drape myself over them. She would stand over me with her preferred instrument, and strike downward.  These days, she sits on the ottoman, and I drape myself across her lap.

 

 

Other common furniture items have their upsides and downsides. The arms of a sofa are generally relatively comfortable for longer sessions and at the right height for a paddle or cane.

 

The back of a sofa also works well, though its height can be (a) an advantage in that it may stretch the muscles taut, resulting in a harsher spanking; or (b) a disadvantage if it’s just too high to be manageable. Also, with a sofa you may be limited by its position in the room and, of course, they tend to be located in more publicly accessible parts of the house.

 

 The bed is a very flexible piece of spank-friendly furniture.  In the early days, I received many strappings while laying on the bed, with pillows elevating my ass.  But, it required a lot of movement on her part, walking around from one side of the bed to the other, to ensure equal treatment of both cheeks.  And, since we have a king-size bed, she sometimes had to reach a bit or I had to move around more. 

 

More generally, it wasn’t a position either of us seemed to like. I felt like the bounciness of the bed absorbed or dissipated too much of the force, and I had to have my head to one side or the other in order to breathe.  We still use it occasionally, most often when we are away and there is not another good alternative, and then usually with her sitting on the bed and me over her lap.

 

 

There are also stools in any variety of heights.   

 

 

Although I have pictures and drawings of the spanker sitting on a stool, they don’t look very stable and would seem to be better for draping the spankee over than as an OTK-friendly piece.

 

 

Of course, one of the most iconic pieces of spank-friendly furniture is the common kitchen chair.  However, in all these years, I’m not sure we’ve ever used one for that purpose.  No matter how traditional, it always seemed like a fairly awkward piece for OTK.  

 

And, I’m not a very tall guy, which made draping myself over the back a big challenge, though it obviously depends on the type of chair and the size of the man.

 

 

I do see how it could be a very useful as a means of bracing oneself during a paddling.

 

 

And, of course, one thing I have to give to the common chair is the shock and intimidation factor if you come home and find one positioned suggestively in the middle of the living room. Placing an implement on it seems almost superfluous.

 

 

How about you?  What items of furniture have you adapted for spanking purposes? Have you ever shopped for a piece of furniture with its spanking potential in mind? How did you go about evaluating its spank-friendliness while in the store?

 

Regarding Al’s suggestion to explore spanking rituals, please describe any rituals you and your partner follow immediately before, during, or after a spanking.  

 

 

I’m not going to go into a lot of detail around ours, as I’ve referred to bits and pieces of it so many times.  Instead, I’ll make the more general point that over the years, we’ve reduced or eliminated much of the ritual, and I think we’re both glad.  It sometimes felt like spankings were a big event with dedicated locations, multiple instruments, multiple changes in position, etc.  I think it subtly influenced Anne’s consistency in a negative way, by making each one feel like an elaborate and somewhat laborious, time-consuming affair.  I get the sense that we both feel it’s become much more manageable now that we’ve simplified things down to OTK, the ottoman, and a couple of tools, for the vast majority of spankings.

 

I hope you all have a great week.

The Club - Meeting 481 - The "Ideal" Domestic Discipline or FLR Relationship

"To do great things is difficult, but to command great things is more difficult." - Friedrich Nietzsche

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly meeting of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline and/or Female Led (FLR) relationships.

 

Once again, before we get started, I would like to extend a specific invitation to our female readers to move from “lurker” to “commenter” status. We miss having you around.

 

Wow, it seems like a long time since we’ve gotten together, doesn’t it?  Or perhaps my sense of time is just warped after over a week of adventuring in areas where the day of the week didn’t matter for much.  We got off into some pretty desolate areas, including long, long stretches in which we didn’t see other human beings for many hours.

 

It turned into a pretty rough adventure. One of those that reminds me that some things are just a hell of a lot harder in my 50s than they would have been when I was a decade or two younger.  I came back from the trip very wiped out, and it’s taking me longer to recover than anticipated. I also took a fall that was pretty bad and may have done some lasting damage.  But, all in all, I came back in a better frame of mind than I did the last time I did something similar. This time it felt more like a real growth experience.

Last time, there were some careless mistakes on my part that left me very pissed off and disappointed with myself. Nothing on that scale happened this time around, though there was one instance in which I acceded to someone else’s risk-taking decision, we paid a pretty significant price for it, and it could have been a lot worse. But, all in all, it was an improvement over last time, and I feel like maybe focusing some attention on “carelessness”—and to some extent making it a focus for our DD—may be paying off a bit.

 

Probably because I came back so exhausted from the trip, I’m at a low-ebb where DD interest is concerned.  Thankfully, I have a small backlog of topic suggestions.  A couple of weeks ago, TB suggested this one:

 

“In terms of future discussions, I am interested in what people see as the 'ideal' DD relationship? What would it look like, feel like, how would your partner behave, talk, act, what changes would they ideally like to see in their current DD relationship? May have been covered before but I have tried to describe this many times to my wife with varying success...”

 

I’m a little leery about this topic because, although it hasn’t been a huge issue, from time to time we get commenters who like to complain about all the ways in which their wives are failing to cater to every aspect of their spanking fetish.  I get the sense they are constantly asking their partner to step it up in way or another, despite the fact that few women find being pestered attractive.

 

On the other hand, I believe that communication is key to these relationships. Our wives aren’t mind readers, and if handled in the right way, letting them know what we want or think we need can be helpful.

 

So, I think this is a topic worth exploring, and hopefully it won’t degenerate into a bitch session about each and every thing we find lacking in our DD and FLR relationships.

 

I will kick it off.

 

Strong maternal element. Over the last couple of years, I’ve come to some realizations about the extent to which I want the DD aspects of our relationship to have a strong maternal element. However, it’s easier for me to say that in the abstract than to articulate how that would look in terms of TB’s specific questions as to how my partner would behave, talk, and act.

 

Preliminarily, I think it would involve an element of her having the undisputed primary role in making and enforcing the rules.  Ideally, it would be close to the “my house, my rules” attitude many of us experienced growing up; almost arbitrary assertions of authority that put one in one’s place far more than agreed-upon rules.

 

It would also entail an increased level of strictness around the rules and an increasing emphasis on obedience for obedience’s sake. Again, that dynamic would emphasize the hierarchy inherent in a real maternal dynamic.

 

 

When it came time for discipline, there would be a more explicit adoption of a full-on maternal dynamic, with both the words and the tone emphasizing her maternal role, with me being reduced to something like a surly teenager who has earned a real blistering and is going to get one.

 

I want to emphasize that, while we are not living this maternal “ideal,” we have taken steps in that direction this year, and I very much appreciate Anne’s efforts in exploring it with me. 

 

Strictness and control.  Independent of the whole maternal dynamic, for me the ideal includes more strictness and less letting me get away with excuses and explanations.  It means setting high standards and then enforcing them rigorously. It also means that the strictness would ideally be something she initiates, as opposed to me asking for or suggesting it. 

 

There would be a real, “This is how it’s going to be, and it’s going to happen whether you like it or not” aspect to it all.

 

Consistency and frequency. “Consistency” is probably just another word for strictness.  It’s always been a challenge for us. Rules and standards get set, but the consequences are unpredictable and often all-too-easily avoided.  I also think there probably needs to be some increased frequency. 

 

A few weeks ago, I was over Anne’s knee, receiving a well-deserved butt blistering for an offense that has happened many times.  During a short pause she asked, “Do I just need to spank you more often?”  Although her question was rhetorical, the literally true answer is almost certainly “yes.” When I’m being honest with myself and her, it’s a rare week that I don’t do something that would probably merit a spanking in an ideally strict environment.   

 

 

Yet, they tend to happen more like monthly than weekly.  It seemed like we were moving toward a regime emphasizing more frequency, but it kind of sputtered out.

 

Openness.  Part of me really wants her authority to be on more open display. In the past, I had strong negative reactions to being embarrassed, yet paradoxically I often feel a need to have others know or suspect the nature of our relationship.  Moreover, I find her rare open displays of authority sexy as hell. At least in retrospect.

 

 

Again, I want to emphasize that overall I’m very happy with our dynamic.  I don’t need the “ideal,” and I appreciate all her efforts over the years. 

 

I also recognize that asking for the ideal carries a huge “be careful what you wish for; you might get it” risk.  With that in mind, I’ll add this to TB’s questions: "Have you ever pushed for your ideal, gotten it, then found it was too much or very different from what you thought it would be?”

 

Have a great week.