Strong women intimidate boys and excite men. – unknown
Hello all. Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club. Our weekly meeting of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline and/or Female Led (FLR) relationships.
Once again, before we get started, I would like to extend a specific invitation to our female readers to move from “lurker” to “commenter” status. We miss having you around.
Ours was pretty uneventful, which was nice after a busy few weeks.
We had a good discussion last week. Something interesting about DD and consistency is it seems to be almost universal that those who don’t have consistency want it and those who have it seem to like it that way. Many of us are subjected to very painful spankings that we genuinely do not want at the time they are happening. Yet, we all seem to aspire to a level of consistency that ensures we seldom get away with anything. Further, in ten years of blogging on this stuff, I don’t think I’ve ever heard a husband express any angst about having a wife who was too consistent or strict.
Consistent strictness is something I associate with maternal discipline, which is interesting because consistency is the antithesis of my real-life experience with maternal discipline. In fact, I strongly suspect that the erratic approach to rules and discipline that I experienced is one reason I crave a much firmer hand today and it probably was at the root of my incredibly strong attraction to the Disciplinary Wives Club when I first discovered it.
Although I didn’t recognize
it for a long time, there definitely is some kind of psychological entanglement
between my current DD needs and my teenage years when there was an unmet need
for discipline and structure.
Oddly, for a long time I didn’t focus on the extent to which the DWC website and Aunt Kay’s pamphlets were replete with references to both the maternal nature of the discipline the group advocated and the ability of a hard spanking to reduce a husband to the mindset of a boy. Here are just a few examples:
“Just as a mother corrects her young child, the DWC woman guides and mentors her man in loving strictness. Firm, fair, unrelenting and demanding should be words that describe the DWC woman. Repentant, tearful, humbled and calm should describe the man.”
“Always remember that when you are in your disciplinary mode, he is in his spoiled brat mode. Remember when you were a child, was discipline or punishment fun? No. So you must think of punishment as something which will have the effect of making him think quite a while before challenging you again. And keep in mind that he is not, in fact, a small child. He is a grown man and needs an extensive spanking.”
You
will have to learn to obey her and to do so cheerfully. I recommend to the
wives that they avoid “play sessions” at first, until you have come to realize
what her punishment sessions really mean.
First, you have to learn that she can spank you until you are a
“sorry little boy,” who wishes those spankings would be over a whole lot
sooner.
You asked your wife to please take over your discipline. You have empowered her to assume the maternal role and have agreed to take the child role with respect to discipline. You want, more than anything else, for her to be powerful, assertive and in control.
You will have to put up with closer supervision than you are used to, and she will demand answers and evidence of your performance. This is perfectly normal and how it is supposed to be. If you feel resentful about this or don’t want that kind of accountability, remember how maternal discipline occurs in a “child -parent” situation. The child cannot simply wiggle out of his Mother’s watchful eye. If you are honest with yourself, you will admit that when you get your spankings, it is that bratty little boy part of you who is getting it.
For whatever reason, these maternal references went right over my head until someone pointed them out to me a couple of years ago.
I also shied away from talking openly about this issue, even though it is plainly a part of some couples’ DD dynamics and even though I came to recognize it as a key part of my own DD motivation.
And, not just with respect to discussing it on the blog. I also avoided talking about it with Anne. At least not directly and forthrightly. It wasn’t so much that I was embarrassed about it, but I wasn’t sure how she would react. It raises all sorts of controversial psychological and social issues. Oedipal theories. Manliness and sexuality.
That started to change a few years ago. We had talked from time to time about particular disciplinary archetypes. Things like strict teachers and principals. But, we never really talked about the obvious one – strict mothers.
Then, one night she said something about liking how her giving me orders reduces me to a little boy who has to do what he is told. I think she was tip-toeing around the issue in the same way I was. The nurturing but strict mother archetype resonates with her in ways that other DD images do not.
As I started to be a bit more open about it, she started doing things like talking in positive terms about using DD to reduce me to a "teen-age boy who needs a spanking from his mom." She also has compared me to a teenager who mischievously pushes buttons just to do it, then is surprised when she actually does something about it.
The emphasis in our new reporting system on her assigning tasks and being more assertive about addressing things like “pet peeves” also has a decisively maternal quality.
The maternal element that I gravitate to isn’t all about spanking and discipline either. It’s about having someone else’s will imposed on me, preferably with an authoritative tone. Several years ago, a commenter described how his wife took control of him at parties:
“When she comes up to me at a party and takes a drink out of my hand and says "You are done, dear," with a smile and tone that will not be bucked, it touches something deep inside me. She calls it the ‘eternal mother’. I don't know exactly what that means, but I know that it feels like her authority is from something more than ourselves. I even think that those around me feel it. None of my friends has called her a B or teased me about it. They respect her for having the knowledge and the guts to cut me off. One friend said to me, ‘Wow, your wife knows how to use tough love.’ And I agree: It's the same authority she uses to swing the paddle, just exhibited verbally and publicly. In those moments, I would do anything she told me to do. I feel her mother power.”
Part of me craves Anne taking me in hand with that kind of confidence and strictness, no matter how much I know I will hate it as it is happening. I also have a powerful attraction to being lectured/scolded in a way that has a strong maternal vibe, especially when it comes to ordering or threatening a spanking.
And, while it hasn’t happened so far, I wonder sometimes whether thinking of Anne in an openly maternal role during a spanking might move the perceived power dynamic in a way that might make me more open to crying. Crying in front of non-maternal figure is embarrassing, but doing so while over the knee of a mother--or someone who has expressly adopted a maternal role--is almost expected, right?
Yet, while I am increasingly open about being attracted to Anne assuming a much more openly maternal role, I don’t really experience spankings as “bringing out the boy” or reducing me to feeling like a boy. It’s more like the maternal authority is being extended into a very adult context. I'm not looking to regress to boyhood; it's more like being subject to the same kind of discipline a misbehaving teenager would but as a grown man.
“To my mind, the best thing is for DD to "refine masculinity", rather than taking it away, a bit like the boys' boarding schools of yesteryear. There were heavy punishments for infractions, but they encouraged masculinity, not always in a good way (e.g. hazing), but they did. Even the now-King Charles III was reported to be afraid of his governesses. To my mind, DD done best is DD that also enhances masculinity, but maintains the accountability into adulthood. A grown man should be able to take even more pain than a schoolboy and I think the best DD is focused on pain (which builds men up), rather than humiliation (which knocks them down).
I don’t have a well-defined topic related to this, but I welcome comments about anything in the post that catches your interest.
Have a great week.
BTW, if anyone wants to continue the discussion regarding post-orgasm spankings, feel free. I almost made that the week's topic, but the discussion had already been robust, and I didn't want want people to feel like they needed to repeat their previous comments.
ReplyDeleteLove the deeper look into the maternal archetype. My husband and I definitely fall into this role. Ive always been drawn to the nurturing, caring, but strict disciplinary ‘mother figure’ mentality, and he grew up with “mommy issues”. He never had a nurturing mother, nor fair discipline (only abuse), so from the time we met, we naturally fell into that archetype. My husband is even younger than me as well, as Ive always been most attracted to younger men and he has always liked older women. Once getting married he called me mommy one day as a joke and it struck a chord. Now we openly use the term. That being said he doesnt ‘regress’ in age or to a little boy as neither of us are into that…we both still want it to feel as if we’re both grown adults. But I like the power imbalance of not only being older, but also raising/training/guiding him as I see fit, while also providing that nurturing care that has been absent his entire life.
ReplyDeleteIt's interesting to me that men arrive at a need for DD sometimes from completely opposite starting points. Some men who experienced strong, consistent maternal discipline end up wanting something like it as adults, while some of us who had inconsistent, erratic or even abusive parenting end up craving what we didn't have. My experiences probably weren't quite as dramatically negative as what your husband experienced. Looking back, my mother clearly had some form of bipolar disorder which led to self-medicating. She could be emotionally abusive during parts of that cycle, but the damage was more from the erratic parenting style. I think it left me with a strong need for consistency, while my own sometimes intense personality needs a certain amount of strictness. I personally think it's great that you actually enjoy the power imbalance and the raising/training/guiding role, which he may need even if he doesn't always want it at the time it is happening. That last part is a strong part of our reality, too. I absolutely do NOT like being "trained," i.e. disciplined when she is setting rules, giving directions, or carrying out a spanking. But, deep down inside something in me likes that structure.
Delete"I absolutely do NOT like being 'trained,' i.e. disciplined when she is setting rules, giving directions, or carrying out a spanking. But, deep down inside something in me likes that structure." - Well stated. I too do not like being trained, but yet also somehow take some comfort from having that structure in place. Sometimes what we want (or think we want) and need are not exactly the same things.
Delete-ZM
There are so many analogies that work for that process of taking a bunch of erratic inclinations and behavior and focusing them, through rigorous training, into something more focused and productive. As you know, I like military analogies, though I never served. I'm sure few recruits ever "like" basic training and the structure of military discipline, though I'm sure many of them ultimately "liked" the result of going from undisciplined boys to disciplined, accomplished men.
DeleteI never thought of my spanking wife as maternal in any way. I was a bit surprised that some couples feel that way, but I am learning that there are many, many variations in disciplinary relationships. I certainly understand how Miss E and her husband find it appropriate in her role as guide and nurturer.
DeleteTom, as the discussion shows, I think it's something that varies a lot from couple to couple. And, as I said in the post, it's something that I either didn't recognize in my own leanings for the first several years of our DD relationship or it's something that developed over time.
DeleteWhilst I have nothing to contribute on post-orgasm spankings (Mrs GL left the sexual life nearly a decade ago as menopause hit and orgasms/sexual elements are not required in my occasional use of disciplinarians) I do have plenty to say on the maternal element in any F/M relationship. Over the last decade I have thought long and hard about where maternal considerations lay with my present day needs and interests. Coming as I did late (about 53/54 years of age) to the idea of being chastised a lot of my thoughts about this are clouded by "what if" considerations and in my case a couple of specific events that could be classed as sliding door moments. I have previously, some time ago, expressed things on here that shine a light on this (whilst threatening to go into classic Odipus territory) and if I recall correctly I was comforted that people treated it with respect rather than judgement. Basically if I could go back in time to when I was 12 I would have a conversation with my mother (who wasn't the child hitting type then), timing it for just after a child psychologist has told us both some unhelpful stuff about her restraining affection towards her then partner (we are 1 year after leaving my abusive father), where I would tell/ask her to punish me in the traditional mother/son style and to do so regularly, continue to do it no matter how much I grew and with intent. I'd explain why she should and then really complicate things by saying it should only be known to us. I have this day dream on and off, in this alternative universe I am subject to this regime till my 40's (or until she passes the baton on). My Mother passed three years ago, it was quite hard knowing what I was occasionally thinking whilst she was still with us. We did have one conversation in her latter years where on the phone she spontaneously suggested she should have been firmer with me and spanked years ago to which I joked back, "well then we both missed out on that" but didn't push further.
ReplyDeleteHow does this fit with here and now for me? Firstly it helps explain why I prefer role-play with disciplinarians. I usually choose "Auntie/nephew" but have chosen "Mom/son" with a trusted practitioner. Most, but not all of the surrogate mother/auntie figures have been younger than me, it doesn't cause me any issues that is the case. At home, as anyone who has read my contributions will identify, a different kettle of fish is in play. Mrs GL is younger than me by 7 years, doesn't like articulating on any element of my needs and would tell me she has enough on with our own late teenagers (non spanking upbringing, as it should be) without bringing me up, and yet is really good at pulling me up in a very maternal style in our normal day to day interactions. Such is life and it's contradictions.
Where is this leading? I think openly accepting that when a man is over a women's knee for anything else but fore-play then a maternal element is in play whether acknowledged or not. I personally think that is a good thing but completely understand that it causes concerns in some. Personally I like to think all relationships with F/M spanking involved are stronger by design and that acceptance of the maternal drivers strengthens even more. Of course it is easy for me to say this, I may think long and hard about these matters but the reality checkpoint is I don't push this in my life for fear of losing what I do have. I never opened up fully with my mother, I regret that, I have tried to open up with Mrs GL but not got very far. Don't want to end on a negative so whilst their is potential regret still to come the last 8/9 years are better than nothing. Thank you Dan and this place for letting me articulate (badly) something very difficult. Cheers GLM.
Thanks for the thoughtful comments. I don't spend a lot of time on "what ifs," though I think your exploration of them in this context is a very interesting process. The main reason I don't engage in a lot of it is I kind of like where my life has ended up, and had things been different growing up, I don't know where I would be today, but I know it wouldn't be here. I can't say I enjoyed my childhood, and my parent's erratic relationship and erratic parenting definitely left some scars. But, on the other hand, the anti-authoritarian contempt I have for rules probably came from never having them, and in some aspects of my career, it served me well. In others, not so much. It very well could be that better parenting might have helped me avoid some of the landmines I planted for myself, but it also could have made me less driven or so much of a rule-follower that I would have stayed in line, taken a more traditional path, and not succeeded in the early years in a way that made a huge difference in where I ended up.
DeleteInterestingly, the ideal might be something somewhat close to where I did end up -- an upbringing that led to an inclination to break rules, think outside the box, take risks, etc., but with a stabilizing force as an adult to rein me in. Now, I don't think we lived that ideal. DD came into our marriage after we had been married for a decade, it wasn't easy to apply it to things like work and career, and the consistency I could have really benefitted from is something I'm getting only now when it is probably going to be less consequential than it could have been if applied earlier.
I can't really see opening up to my mother about the past. She isn't who she was back then, and neither am I. It's water under the bridge at this point.
But, it's an interesting fact that I don't dream about spankings very often, but the two most vivid ones both had my mother in them, one with her present at a work event as I was being taken out to be spanked, and the other with her driving a car and preparing to pull over to give (the adult) me a spanking.
Hi Dan, some random comments:
ReplyDelete"I don’t think I’ve ever heard a husband express any angst about having a wife who was too consistent or strict." - Very true. In fact, while I often hoped our check-ins wouldn't happen on schedule - especially if there was a shortcoming in some area - at the same time, I really wanted them to happen like clockwork, and was disappointed when one didn't happen.
"...there definitely is some kind of psychological entanglement between my current DD needs and my teenage years when there was an unmet need for discipline and structure." - Same. Though at the time I enjoyed the freedom (at least most of the time), I think somehow it also left me feeling very unhinged. I needed enforced boundaries and for actions to have consequences for the world to make any sense.
Regarding the maternal nature of our DD relationship, I too tended to de-emphasize it, probably for fear that it would freak my wife out. But as we have progressed, we have talked about it some, and I think that one thing that she really likes is that when she exerts her authority, I automatically become somewhat the chastised little boy.
"I wonder sometimes whether thinking of Anne in an openly maternal role during a spanking might move the perceived power dynamic in a way that might make me more open to crying" and "I don’t really experience spankings as 'bringing out the boy' or reducing me to feeling like a boy. It’s more like the maternal authority is being extended into a very adult context." - I'm not sure how these fit together. In a way, I think that the attempt to hold on to masculinity also squashes any real chance of tears.
Related to this is the end of J's comment: "To my mind, DD done best is DD that also enhances masculinity, but maintains the accountability into adulthood. A grown man should be able to take even more pain than a schoolboy and I think the best DD is focused on pain (which builds men up), rather than humiliation (which knocks them down)." - I totally understand this perspective, and don't even know that I disagree with it. But I kind of like the way Alan put it a few weeks ago:
"When it comes to discipline, it's important for a wife to address the alpha male's ego. This doesn't mean 'humiliation', which has no place in a loving relationship. Instead, it's about fostering 'humility ', a mindset that allows the alpha male to accept and learn from punishment. Engendering humility is a necessary but probably not sufficient condition to bring on tears." and then later he said "It is sort of amusing that we want to demonstrate how tough we are when our wives have us bare bum bent over for chastisement. That is probably not the best moment to reprise our inner John Wayne. Many, if not most, wives want us to be strong, but not when they are punishing us. Then, most of all, they want to see acceptance, obedience, and contrition."
Anyway, I do think that the goal should not be humiliation, but at the same time, if the husband is able to retain his male ego completely intact during a punishment, I question whether any real punishment occurred, and certainly think that an opportunity was wasted.
-ZM
"Though at the time I enjoyed the freedom (at least most of the time), I think somehow it also left me feeling very unhinged." Exactly the same here.
Delete"I'm not sure how these fit together. In a way, I think that the attempt to hold on to masculinity also squashes any real chance of tears."
It's hard to articulate, and I obviously didn't do a great job of articulating it in the post. To me, there are two different mindsets at play, hers and mine. In the DWC materials I quoted, the wife takes on the demeanor of the strict mother, and the husband takes on more of the mindset of a boy. I experience and am attracted to the former but not necessarily the latter.
My attraction to the maternal discipline archetype is all about her demeanor, tone, and approach, and those elements have a strong attraction to me. But, I don't feel like any attraction to the age regression aspect. It's sort of like my near-lifetime attraction to older women. Their confidence and higher place in the power hierarchy (most in my real life were teachers or work superiors) triggered something in me, but without making me feel younger or more childlike.
As it applies to crying from a spanking, I *think* (I don't really know), the important part is Anne having that "strict mom" demeanor and, most importantly, the strict mom's comfort with--and, indeed, expectation that--the spanking ending in tears. I think that feeling her in that role as the spanking is happening may bring me closer to tears, as it's like her giving permission for it to happen, only it's more than giving permission; it's her acting with the maternal expectation that tears are a natural consequence of what she is doing.
But, I do get what you are saying that holding on to the manly self-image could be part of the impediment. But, don't kids and younger adult males also try to "man up" when being punished? I'm not sure I was any more open to crying from pain as a kid than I am now. What was different was really the demeanor and expectations of the parents, teachers, principals, etc., not me feeling like a little boy.
Not sure whether any of that makes more sense, but it's the best I can do.
Hi Dan,
DeleteI thought you did a very good job articulating all of that. I totally get where you are coming at with regard to the two mindsets at play.
I'm really not sure where I am on all this. I definitely like my wife to have the maternal demeanor, tone, and approach as she exercises her authority. And when I think about it, I am not sure what to make of my own statement above: "I automatically become somewhat the chastised little boy." I don't necessarily feel younger when this happens, so in a way I am still approaching everything as an adult, but at the same time I do definitely feel shy and very put in my place, which in a way makes me feel small. So maybe I feel small but not necessarily young? I will have to pay more attention in the future to just what I feel in these cases.
I fully agree that the wife having the strict mom demeanor and clearly expressed comfortableness with or expectation of tears are probably vital for tears to actually happen. I really like the way you said "it's her acting with the maternal expectation that tears are a natural consequence of what she is doing." This makes a lot of sense. It's just sort of matter of fact, "of course a proper spanking likely ends with tears..."
As for kids and younger adult males trying to "man up" when being punished, yes, of course they do. It is interesting that in the cases of parents, teachers, principals, and so on, their demeanor and expectations were different than in DD, but also the underlying reality was actually a huge age and power difference between the spanker and the spankee. Maybe we tried to minimize that difference by "manning up," but probably more than anything else, that just looked ridiculous to them, since clearly the reality was that we were young and powerless. On the other hand, in female led DD, there is probably very little if any age difference (in most cases husbands are a couple years older than their wives), and usually no power differential or if there is one, it is usually slanted in the husband's favor. This is a rich topic for further thought and reflection.
-ZM
"It's just sort of matter of fact, "of course a proper spanking likely ends with tears...""
DeleteExactly.
Talking about "manning up" in the face of pain brought back a memory that sheds some light on my stoicism in the middle of a spanking today. When I was around 6 or 7, I took a bad fall and broke my shoulder. I not only didn't cry; I didn't tell my parents about it. It wasn't until the next day that my mother noticed I wasn't moving that arm. I don't have a clue why I didn't just tell them about it when it happened, but I apparently even then thought that pain was something you should just gut out.
This anecdote makes me wonder how much socialization /culture shapes a reaction to physical punishment and how much biology has to do with it. (There is a field called social biology that speaks to issues of determinism.) Personally, I believe, based on my own experience, that crying after a hard spanking ( or long one) is a natural behavior that seems repressed on a gender basis. Women apparently do cry more readily from a spanking)
DeleteBut accounts like this, dating to an age when socialization was beginning, point to a biological reason why a man may not cry as readily.
Alan
I'm always a little skeptical of social biology. I'm not saying it doesn't provide theories worth considering, including many that seem very plausible. It definitely does. The problem is that it's always easy to look at an existing trait and come up with a narrative about how it might have been beneficial in our long ago past and, thus, got coded into our genes. I've done it myself with respect to DD, postulating that a desire for accountability could increase survival by making one sensitive to adverse consequences of stupid actions. Also, I've speculated that the population tilts toward fairly submissive people programmed to follow authoritarian leaders, because a ratio of more than 1:10 or 2:10 leaders-to-followers probably would end in disaster, as leaders gave conflicting orders resulting in paralysis of the tribe which, in the old days was a good way for the tribe to get killed. But, in the end, it's almost impossible to falsify, so it fails as a good factual hypothesis.
DeleteI remember “manning up” for punishments when younger. At school, it got to a point where I refused to cry from a paddling. It hurt to holy high hell, but I refused to show any emotions while being paddled. At home was completely different. I cried often during the long bare bottom spanking. I think it was the combination of shame and humility that went along with the punishment. I agree with your statement that I don’t take in the mind of a boy, but my wife becomes maternally driven when punishing me. She’s very beautiful to me when she is upset and angry about screwing up. For me DD wouldn’t be much without the maternal driven aspect of the process as a whole.
DeleteT
T., your distinction between how you reacted to school paddlings versus home resonates with me re: how authority works in general. Not all authority is the same. At work, I was extremely anti-authoritarian, but at home I'm not. I can't fully explain why the two are different, but I think within families there are (or can be) natural hierarchies. It's like some teenage boys accept a father's authority long after they probably could take dad in an actual fight. But, in a different context, like school or a job, there may be more of a "who are you to give me orders," two "men" in a pissing contest dynamic that leads to "manning up" and other forms of resistance.
DeleteI would say our DD is driven and related to my strict religious upbringing. Unlike Dan and GLM, I was held accountable for my actions in my youth. A firm paddling or strapping was immediate after an offense. I’m drawn to my wifes authority when she puts her foot down on an issue. The maternal aspect of DD is extremely important to me. Just like in my youth, I need to feel embarrassed and ashamed of my actions. I didn’t get to comment last week, but I do wish my wife would administer my punishment immediately. I like Dans point, if I screw up, I wish she would take out her anger on my bottom. I feel the lesson would be driven home much better than waiting. My Mom and for that matter the school never waited to deliver the punishment in my youth. So my brain correlates punishment being met out immediately after or close to the offense. We have never had a post orgasm spanking. I don’t think there is a need for it. I’ve commented before and communicated to my wife that sex or cuddle time doesn’t have to happen after a thrashing. If I’m being punished for an issue, then I certainly shouldn’t be rewarded. This doesn’t always occur in our marriage and I’m ok with that. I’m just happy I found a wife willing to fulfill my desires and needs. DD has definitely helped me to control my temper and also to be careful not to say anything that hurts her emotions. I’ve learned after a few long and hard thrashings to watch my mouth. It brings me back to my youth, when my Mother would say, “have you learned a lesson yet, well let’s make sure”. I remember a few years back, we were shopping in a specialty shop and my wife was upset about a comment and we were with my Mother. They had large wooden spoons and my wife said maybe I should buy one of these to beat you with. I know I blushed and made a remark like “whatever”. My Mother said he probably deserves it. The subject was changed after that as we continued to shop, but that’s the closest the three of us have discussed about my youth and punishment in a group setting. GLM thank you for sharing your comments. I feel for you not getting truly what you want out of the whole kit and caboodle per say. It’s been work for us as well. I will say our intimacy and sex has increased since DD has started and I think that has to do with the emotional side. It’s allowed me to open up a bit more.
ReplyDeleteT
"I would say our DD is driven and related to my strict religious upbringing. Unlike Dan and GLM, I was held accountable for my actions in my youth."
DeleteInterestingly, very early in my life I was in a pretty religious environment. It was the heart of the Bible Belt, and that part of the background environment was pervasive. We moved when I was about 8 years-old, and my parents eventually stopped going to church entirely. But, during those early days I definitely was immersed in the environment where parents, teachers, and principals were all very prone to spanking for any offense, and churches were the place you got taken to the "cry room" -- an unintentionally literal name with a double-meaning.
That's a pretty damn interesting exchange between your wife and mother regarding the spoon.
Yeah Dan, we had a cry room as well and i witnessed many a spankings bring given in that room. A Mother of two boys use
Deleteto carry around a thick wooden
spoon at church. The spoon
would stick out of her purse. She wielded that spoon severely on those boys. Our school principal had a paddle that would straighten you up.
After two swats, you were hoping in would end rapidly.
I don't have the adamant opposition to corporal punishment that some here have, but it really is amazing how much the world has changed on that issue since I was a kid. Probably no one thought twice about that mother carrying a wooden spoon in her purse. That sure wouldn't be the case today.
DeleteDD is adult parenting to me. The desire is for the dynamic to resemble a parent-child relationship. I don't want a BDSM relationship where power is for the sake of power. At the very heart of it, parent-child is not Dom/sub, Master/slave, or Top/bottom. DD it also not "play." A parent is in a position of authority, and they wield control in order to protect and nurture. We choose adult DD because husband and wife have a complementary desire for this specific kind of relationship.
ReplyDeleteSo how does this actually work? I'm not a child who needs a parent. Role-play is not for me, so age regression is a non-starter. What would be the point of taking a fictional character's punishment? I am not naturally submissive, and I have an autonomous adult life to live. It would seem then that DD must fall far short of the parent-child archetype that appeals to me.
I'm not sure how this works, to be honest. All I can do is acknowledge what appeals to me and the urges I have. My childhood has shaped my desires, and now I'm stuck with them. I, too, obsess about how I was raised. Adolescence was a minefield of experiences, what was and might have been. Through DD, I want to somehow relive or reconcile with the teenager I was and, in some ways, is still a part of me. I'm nowhere near perfect, so there can be legitimate reasons for discipline. My fetish demands legitimacy.
"I am not naturally submissive, and I have an autonomous adult life to live. It would seem then that DD must fall far short of the parent-child archetype that appeals to me."
DeleteI'm not so sure that a maternal archetype is inconsistent with not being a naturally submissive recipient. I'm not naturally submissive as an adult, but I wasn't naturally submissive as a child either. I've been strong-willed from the day I came out of the womb. What I've realized over time is that part of my craves someone with authority being even stronger-willed, such that my own will gets overruled decisively and with consequences.
I had no father from age of five, my mother was very strict but in a non-physical way - a telling off from her was punishment enough. I had several older sisters & I was sent to a strict religious school where the strap was in daily use as my mother was advised that I needed that kind of environment to make up for the lack of male discipline / role model.
ReplyDeleteI learned to be anti-authority as a default, always in some sort of trouble but nothing serious. The school beatings stopped at about age 14, only a minor overlap with puberty at which point my interest in spanking came to life as a fantasy.
Thirty years later I broached the subject with my wife & we soon moved to a DD relationship which we are still fine tuning. There is no maternal element for us, it does nothing for either of us. It is purely focused on our adult relationship, my behaviour towards her and my mood/attitude. I get a proper strapping at least once a week, more at the minute. It is painful but I love being in a relationship which has this sanction as it appeals to me on so many levels. For my wife the strap provides her with an almost instant mood & behaviour regulator. There is no role play, she will usually delay the strapping until she is calm and ready, but occasionally she will order me upstairs in the heat of the moment to apply an instant ‘reset’.
It works for us. TB
I lost my biological father at around that same age. A few years later, he was replaced with a step-father, but until I became a teenager he and I tried to ignore each other's existence as much as possible. It's kind of ironic that I ended up modeling my anti-authoritarian tendencies directly on his. I don't know how I would have reacted had my mother tried to impose some other "male discipline" on me like yours did with a religious school, though I'm sure many mothers back then would have gone along with the basic philosophy that boys need male discipline. The whole "wait until your father gets home" probably was a lot more than just mothers wanting to shirk the disciplinary role themselves.
DeleteI guess I’m way out of step with the majority here but for me, there is absolutely no relationship between DD and anything that is remotely maternal. In fact I’d go so far as to say that if it started to feel maternal in any way, that would shut it down completely for me. I grew up at a time and place - or at least a place - where there really was no corporal punishment. There was simply no need for it, I don’t remember anyone I knew ever getting into any trouble, behavior was consistently good and punishment simply wasn’t needed. I can’t even imagine either of my parents giving a spanking. I don’t believe I ever spanked my kids when they were small, and if anything I’d say they are even less inclined to any kind of punishment now with their kids than we were with them. So I’ve never been in an environment where it would be regarded as normal for a parent (or a teacher, or anyone else) to spank a kid, so to regard adult DD as in any way maternal is a huge problem for me. My wife grew up at a place where I suspect spanking may have been more common than I saw as a kid, although she’s never mentioned it happening when she was growing up. We’re both second time around but have been together well over twenty years and I’d say during that time she probably spanked our kids (technically my step-kids) once each - again they’re both adults now. So neither of us developed our interest in spanking and DD as a result of our childhood environments. TG
ReplyDelete"I don’t remember anyone I knew ever getting into any trouble, behavior was consistently good and punishment simply wasn’t needed."
DeleteWhere did you grow up - Utah? :-)
London suburbs. Everything I read and hear suggests it was a very different experience to growing up in much of the US at that time. TG
DeleteI don’t think I’m revealing too much personal information if I say I still have kids and grandkids in the UK but I’ve been living in the US for a long time. TG
DeleteI don’t think I’m revealing too much personal information if I say I still have kids and grandkids in the UK but I’ve been living in the US for a long time. TG
DeleteGood point, I don’t know anyone children who are good 100 percent of the time. By the way didn’t the cane originate in England and was used liberally throughout the 70’s and 80’s?
DeleteIt may have been in some places but not in the community I grew up in. And yes, of course all kids misbehave to some extent but I never saw anyone get into any real trouble or receive a spanking as a punishment. Minor misbehavior might have got you a telling-off or a short stint in your room but that was about it. Any serious misbehavior was unthinkable - it just didn’t happen. As I said, a very different environment. TG
DeleteI lived in a few places growing up with different demographics, and attended a variety of schools in the USA. One thing they all had in common is that some kids were getting into some kind of trouble. I gravitated to this, and never had any problem finding it. With older rebellious kids, behavior was often significantly unhealthy and irresponsible. It was the norm in my youth. The issue of punishment, whether it was spanking or other methods of discipline, was an ongoing conscious factor to be considered in everyday life.
DeleteI figure the environments we grew up in helped shape many ideas about, and associations with, parental discipline and other traditional authority figures that have been carried forward into countless DD relationships. However, I've also seen numerous examples of younger people who were not spanked growing up who yearn for parental (maternal and/or paternal) discipline. Not a universal for sure, but I think it is understandable for adults to have these kinds of feelings and desires regardless of their background.
Removing types of punishment from the public sphere obviously doesn't remove the conduct that led to the punishment. In fact, it might exacerbate it. So, it's not a big surprise to me that people end up craving for some kinds of punishment, otherwise known as "consequences", even if they had little if any personal exposure to certain means of punishment, such as spanking. The need for consequences, and the expression of hierarchies of authority, are unlikely to ever disappear, and they are going to continue to find expressions in our adult environments regardless of how benign the environment we grew up in may have been. A few years ago, one of the women I worked with had her first child, and she explained to me her parenting philosophy of never telling her kid "no". I knew it was pointless to try to talk her out of it, but in my head I was thinking, "It's all great that you won't tell your kid no, but I guarantee the world is going to do so. A lot. And, he's going to be utterly unprepared for it because he never heard it from you."
DeleteInteresting post and comments. Appealing maternal aspects for me are being business-like and maintaining her household status quo.
ReplyDeleteThis may be controversial, but it makes a difference that she is *a* mother even though I don't want her to mother me. Many of her skills and experiences raising children apply to coaching me (see, also, how many mothers start successful businesses once their children are grown!) Her concern for my health has a multi-generational perspective.
Fascinatingly, she has seen my flaws reflected in my children and dealt with them. Then she turns back to me and sees what? The same nonsense, still a problem decades later, protected from real change by a lack of authority, too much comfort, layers of defense mechanisms learned over the years. She doesn't infantilize me but she sees the parts of me that never grew up.
I agree with the above commenter. My wife being “a” Mother has made it easier to transition her discipline from the kids to me. I definitely don’t want her to Mother me, but when she scolds me about my behavior, I feel reduced to a small child that’s done something wrong. The other 99 percent of the time, our relationship is very traditional.
DeleteMoms can see right thru the BS.
T
"Appealing maternal aspects for me are being business-like and maintaining her household status quo."
DeleteSame here.
Your last paragraph dovetails nicely with the last captioned photo in this post and explains why that photo resonates with me.
That maternal image is what got me started so many years ago. I’ve avoided analyzing it too much and generally just enjoyed the feelings. A powerful woman is an irresistible force in my world. There. I said it. My current partner, the only one who has ever embraced my deeply held urges is just that woman. She’s also a mother and thrives in that role. I worry about pushing even more ‘mothering’ on her. Except this little game we play has seemed to empower both of us in our lives outside of each other in a way that sort of defies logic. It’s not just the act of spanking but the spirit in which it is offered. It’s so much more than just the physical motions and the pain. It took me a long time to realize that.
ReplyDelete"I worry about pushing even more ‘mothering’ on her."
DeleteI've had some of those same concerns. But, I wonder whether the positive trade-off is that, for some wives, they would go from a mother with kids who were under her control but a disruptive and frustrating relationship with her husband, to a situation in which she had an incremental about of responsibility (disciplining her husband in addition to the kids) but a huge jump in her overall control over her household.
I vividly remember spankings from my mom, especially the ones that happened after my parents separated and then divorced. My mother was the real disciplinarian in our house anyway, but as a single mom, she used the hairbrush more than ever to get me through those difficult years. She had plenty on her plate at the time and if I was giving her more problems, I'm sure I deserved every punishment.
ReplyDeleteSince mom loved to share my childhood stories, my then fiancee heard her say more than once how effective spanking had been with me. These kinds of comments generated smiles and more stories, but also led to further conversations when we got home. It was totally my idea to try the same approach on some problems we had been facing as a couple, but to my surprise, Beth was intrigued by the idea. It wasn't easy for her, but a new hairbrush helped us resolve some issues that had been on the back burner for quite some time.
There is no doubt that my spankings have a maternal vibe. We both prefer to have them given over her knee and accompanied by a good scolding and a lengthy lecture. I won't deny that there is an erotic element to this, but Beth makes certain that the spankings are painful enough to dampen any desire on my part. Besides hurting like hell in the moment, the lingering soreness makes me regret my poor decisions for quite some time (like every time I sit down).
The maternal connection is awkward to talk about, but I am blessed with a wonderful wife who has never raised the "mommy issues" red flag. Instead, we treat this part of our relationship as something that is just between us and a measure of the trust we have in each other.
Kevin
I don't have the kind of relationship with my mother that you describe in your first two paragraphs, but something about your description of your mother making comments that then led to deeper conversations between you and Beth evokes a really powerful response in me. I doubt that kind of conscious "hand-off" of maternal authority happens all that often, but I don't know that more subtle forms of it are all that rare either. For example, while the details are different, inn some ways KOJ's origin story has a similar trajectory. He was getting into arguments with his wife, and at some point she got frustrated and asked how his mother would have dealt with his attitude, and he honestly replied that she would have blistered his bottom. They then had a real talk about importing that dynamic into their marriage. So, the maternal connection was there, but without the actual conversations with the mother going on. I also wonder how often it happens that a husband was raised with a strict mother, and then his wife picks up on those vibes when observing adult mother-son reactions.
DeleteFor me, it didn't play out that way, and in some ways maybe it's almost the opposite dynamic. I don't think my mother has ever said much around my wife about her parenting style. In fact, my paternal grandmother was kind of a nightmare in trying to dictate to all the incoming daughters-in-law how she thought they should act as wives, to the point that my mother very consciously has stayed away from anything that might involve "interfering" in our relationship. But, as my wife's assertiveness has ramped up, she has gotten less shy about letting some of that show through around my parents. On a recent visit to them, my wife was talking and I interrupted, and she very forcefully cut me off with an, "Excuse me, I'm talking" and moved on with her story. It seems subtle when I write about it here, but there was nothing at all subtle about it at the time.
I can relate with Kevin. The first paragraph describes my Mother as well. She was the disciplinarian and did not take any sass, back talk, or failure to follow the rules. Although very loving, she had children to rare the correct way. She refused to let us stray off the wrong path. I am like you that I oppose authority, even though I am in a position of power and authority. Although not disrespectful to my superiors, I do not go above and beyond. I limit my interactions with them and complete my tasks. This limits my interactions. I brought up the wooden spoon in the store story. I was definitely a touch worried that the conversation would carry further but it did not. I don’t think my wife would want to embarrass me or put me in a situation. Although, my wife knows I was spanked often growing up and my Mother had admitted she spanked in a conversation with her. My wife has used the Mother/maternal phrases, “you won’t sit for a week”. I’m going to thrash the naughtiness out off you”, I’m gonna whip your bottom but good”. All the usual phrases that my Mother would use on me. I wouldn’t say my wife and I every really argued a lot, but my short fuse and disrespectful tone at times was appalling. DD has made me watch my mouth much more carefully after feeling the paddle or strap on my bare butt.
DeleteT
"...she got frustrated and asked how his mother would have dealt with his attitude".
DeleteThose may not be the precise words that my wife used with me, but it certainly captures the spirit.
Kevin
I agree with many of the comments and I definitely want her to be strict and consistent in a more maternal manor. The strange thing is that it doesn't happen near enough for my liking but when it does I seem to buck against it becoming even more rebellious. Lately I have had a real problem listening. When I get a plan in my head that I think aligns with her. I'm going to ececute it and I think I'm being obedient but if I had listened more carefully i would realize that I was not following her instructions explicitly. This happened several days in a row each time she got frustrated with me and I became depressed with my lack of ability to please her but instead of immediately apologizing I poutted like a little boy. Thinking about it later I wished instead of just telling me to stop pouting she would have spanked me because I was already close to tears and I know a spanking would have gotten me there. We were extremely busy and she said if I didn't straighten up I would be standing in the corner when we got home. I continued to pout for a few hours and she told me that I had earned 30 minutes in the corner. Due to being so busy she forgot about it it until last night. Sometimes she will use corner time instead of spankings especially when the spanking don't seem to be effective. I crave that maternal instinct I want her to spank me to tears when I don't listen but because I rebel too much she thinks I don't really want to obey her no matter how much I try to tell her I need and want to obey her but I can't always control myself.
ReplyDelete"The strange thing is that it doesn't happen near enough for my liking but when it does I seem to buck against it becoming even more rebellious."
DeleteHonestly, for me that's what makes it real. As I said in response to a comment above, it's not like I wasn't rebellious and strong-willed as a child either. There aren't many kids who enjoy being subject to discipline or having rules imposed. Yet, for me, the essence of the parental vibe is that the rebelliousness is forcefully overcome.
Corner time is the one "punishment" that is totally pointless to impose on me. I almost always go quickly into a kind of meditative state and could stare at the wall for an hour with no real angst.
Even as a child, I never did "corner time." I don't know that my parents were even aware of such a thing. We also never got mouth-soaping, maybe because they thought it unhealthy. Basically, misbehavior worthy of punishment was worthy of a spanking, and relatively trivial things were handled with warnings and scoldings, which were listened to with spanking as a threat. The power of spanking was that other kinds of punishment were not really needed to influence behavior, or at least it provided lots of motivation to not get caught.
DeleteI would never bring the subject up myself, as standing in the corner is not a punishment I think about. However, I can see the psychology of it being effective. If it was my wife's idea to impose this otherwise boring discipline, it would be her way of saying that I am being punished like a child, and that is the kind of mindset I want her to have.
Brett,
DeleteMy Mother didn’t do corner time as well. We would have to go to our room. She would come in with spoon, paddle, or strap. You would get spanked and then you could not leave your room until she said so. I was mouth soaped a few times and it was not pleasant. This was after a spanking, so the punishment was two fold. I agree with providing motivation not to get caught. I remember sneaking out at a friends house just to roam the neighborhood. We got caught and his Father paddled us. We were much more careful moving forward.
T
“I crave that maternal instinct I want her to spank me to tears when I don't listen but because I rebel too much she thinks I don't really want to obey her no matter how much I try to tell her I need and want to obey her but I can't always control myself.”
DeleteI love the way you wrote that. Definitely hits home.
Dan & Brett,
DeleteI agree that corner time isn’t usually effective by itself. However, weaving it into a disciplinary spanking produces a different experience. So, she will sometimes assign short corner time in the middle of a spanking, breaking up a punishment with the expectation that I will be further scolded when called out of the corner and possibly interrogated (why are you being spanked, what are you going to do in the future, and so on). Knowing the spanking will resume, after serving a relatively short time in the corner is anything but boring. My mind is very focused on what is going on). I think the total duration of punishment is probably related to its impact on behavior. And corner time, if occurring during a spanking, is a way to lengthen the punishment without her wearing out her arm or your ass.
I agree that corner time used as a stand-alone punishment is not that much of a deterrent unless it is being used as a warning of imminent spanking, and if not overused, that does work for us. Likewise, any lengthy corner time after a spanking is probably useless. Also, she usually emphasizes aftercare and conversation, and post-spanking corner time doesn’t fit that very well. Corner time after punishment is anti-climatic
I have had some experience with pre-spanking corner time, although comments on the blog suggest to me it is not widely used in DD. My former GF used it explicitly to allow me time to “settle down,” as she put it, to lose my alpha dog attitude and get ready for her hairbrush. And it really did work for that. My wife uses it more to ease us both into a disciplinary role and signal what will happen. With neither woman, has pre-spanking corner time been more than 5-10 minutes, with a few exceptions?
This needs to be summed up for some coherency. I believe that pre-spanking corner time can have its place in effective discipline but not as a stand-alone punishment. Mid-spanking corner time can be very effective if it is not too long and is connected to the spanking continuing. It is by far the best use of corner time in DD. Post-spanking corner time seems the least effective, although it can have a role depending on the dynamic. Stand-alone spanking is the least effective, although combining it with a credible threat and embarrassment can probably work, but it doesn’t work with us.
Alan
I think that if Anne were trying to use sheer duration to bring about tears, corner time or some equivalent break between multiple sessions would almost have to be a part of it, in order to allow her arm to recover and the numbness in my butt to go away.
DeletePre-spanking corner time would probably be counter-productive for me. Being in our fairly large bedroom, naked and exposed, adds some degree of nervousness and embarrassment. Looking at our the flat surface of a wall would almost certainly cut down on that part of the anxiety-producing ambiance. And, if it went too long, I would simply get bored.
I may have screwed myself. We've agreed that she can declare my driving to be excessive speeding or tailgating at her sole discretion, with no grace period. She also brought up an attitude I've had towards her that's increasing in the last few years. She doesn't want to spank for it yet because she is still slow to realize it's happened, but it's on the table for after we've seen improvement in my driving.
ReplyDeleteWe also talked through her hesitancies to really punish me, and how her being fully on board and watchful could actually reduce her stress over time if each punishment really counts. Excited and nervous.
"Excited and nervous." That's my state every time I propose a similar sort of "stepping it up."
DeleteSo, this is not 100% pertinent to this week’s discussion, however I wanted to share this story.
ReplyDeleteA couple nights ago my husband and I had a breakthrough with our dynamic. The past few days he had repeatedly disobeyed me by putting off completing a certain task and then forgetting about it. So Tuesday I told him we would discuss it when I got home. I was in the kitchen cooking a special meal for him as a reward for previous behavior, so I told him to bring a chair in and bend over. We have a window in our kitchen, and though the blinds were fully closed I think he felt exposed. There was no warmup and it was intense. After a few hits he started panicking and saying it wasnt right, it didn’t feel right, etc. He said the location felt wrong so I told him to go to the bedroom. Once there we sat down for a minute and he just kept apologizing. He said he didnt know why but he just felt so embarrassed and anxious. When I pushed him on if he’d ever felt that before he said no. Then I remembered what one of you had said a couple weeks ago about the difference between using DD to guide and bring up your man, vs using humiliation and it tearing him down. As soon as I asked him if he felt humiliated he immediately said that was exactly how he felt. He said he might be open to playing with humiliation one day but right now its too much.
While sitting down, him kneeling on the bed, I felt a huge shift in our dynamic, especially regarding all the uncertainty that has been plaguing me lately.
He just kept apologizing over and over saying that he didn’t not want the spanking, just didn’t feel right about the position, and that he didn’t want me to think that he didn’t want this. I could feel the moment the energy shifted, it was magical. Hard to explain maybe, but I finally believed him that he wanted this too.
Remembering what Alan had said previously about telling that tears are expected and he is free to open up, I proceeded to not only tell him that the spanking would start over (this time over my lap) but that I wanted him to be vocal, allow his emotion to flow, cry, and break down.
I told him there would no safe word anymore and that he could take it, he would have to trust me to know him. Then I proceeded to spank him harder than Ive ever spanked him with a tool that hurts him the most.
He stayed over my lap for the entire thing, and what made it and him even more remarkable is the fact that in the entire time we have been together I have Never pushed him like this. We’ve built up to it lately (before all the family drama started), but never quite pushed all the way. Because of his past, we both have been scared that a spanking too intense would be more than he could handle - it would trigger his ptsd and flashbacks. So this night was a huge accomplishment for us. And he proved to himself he can handle it.
In addition, this was all a post orgasm spanking. Not intentionally, but it had only been about an hour prior, so its convenient we’ve been discussing that here!
While he didnt cry during the spanking, afterwards, during aftercare he completely broke down. Right before he let go we almost went to the hospital because he was having shooting pains in his chest. Turns out it was emotional stress. He broke down and sobbed about everything, his family, his past, all these fears, hurts, and worries hed been stuffing down.
Afterwards we spent the rest of the night just connecting and doing lighthearted things.
I just wanted to share because not only was it such an amazing night to experience and I wanted to tell people who would understand but also because the advice, conversations, and tips you all have shared on this blog came in handy :)
Wonderful, Miss E. You took a significant risk given all the history, but you obviously know him well enough to push things to a very satisfactory ending for you both. Best wishes for continued progress. Graham
DeleteIncredible breakthrough!
Delete"...he had repeatedly disobeyed me..." Miss E, that seems very strange when an FLR relationship has been clearly established.
DeleteYou were correct to administer real punishment, but did you figure out why he would behave in such a way that it was inevitable?
DeleteDisciplinary spanking can be the most intimate and bonding experience between partners. Personally, I've always thought it would be even more meaningful than conventional sex. It is very satisfying to hear that you have shared these special moments with your husband, and that your future in this regard looks bright.
DeleteMy wife and I have never had a safeword either. She will punish until she feels I’ve learned my lesson. I was informed I would be paddled tonight for my attitude two nights ago. Due to time restraints, she was unable to do so immediately. She told me last night, I haven’t forgotten about your attitude adjustment.
DeleteT
Tom, this is how I read it. One of my biggest struggles, even under threat of punishment, is to positively complete a task when I'm not feeling like it. DD helps me get going in days rather than weeks. It would not happen with a slate of general tasks. In that case I'd rush to do all but one or two and then run into a wall on the hard one. Since she said her husband put off a task and then forgot about it (same task) I wondered if he has similar bugbears.
DeleteMW, that's sort of what happens with our recent performance improvement regimen. I haven't intentionally blown off anything she's asked me to do, but there have been times that I've suddenly remembered I had to get something done and then scrambled to do it on time. That was one reason, however, for implementing the system. I was leaving all sorts of to-dos undone and forgetting things left and right.
DeleteThank you all for the well wishes and as I said previously, advice!
DeleteAnd yes Tom, we’re in the process of rebuilding our FLR dynamic so alot of things are in fluctuation currently and alot of research is being done :)
But in this instance it was a case of what MW and Dan describe. Not intentional disobedience, just repeated general forgetfulness to complete a task.
Miss E, that sounds like a really great breakthrough. I just wanted to pick up one point, that you said you abandoned the availability of a safe word. That’s a huge step forward in itself as it implies and relies on an absolute level of trust between you. We are the same - have been for years. I have no input as to what I can take, that’s totally her decision. TG
ReplyDeleteMy wife and I have never had a safe word. She has always determined the length and severity of my spankings. Afterwards I almost always wish she had spanked me longer and harder. I have told her many times that when I'm begging for it to stop is when in reality it should just be starting. She will usually give me additional swats after I'm begging but still not long enough or hard enough for me to break down to tears. I know that the pain alone will not bring me to tears. The only time I have cried much during a spanking was just a couple of days ago when I lost my temper yelling at her and hanging up on her. I got spanked and it hurt but the lecture hurt more. I loved the story from miss E when her husband broke down afterwards. I have cried after a lecture she gave me for not listening to her instructions.
DeleteTo be honest, I had toyed previously with the idea of not using a safeword but it was largely brought to the forefront of my mind reading you alls testimonies and how it increased the level of trust. We had always used one because most of my initial research into FLR and inherently DD was based on BDSM where safewords are key. In addition, when we first met, because of his childhood trauma and the fact I was still getting to know him, we both needed to know he could stop it if it was too much mentally. So it was honestly a really big move to remove it. And we had been working up to it in some ways, but still, im extremely proud of him for going all in and submitting in a deeper way this week because of it.
DeleteAre you content with the lectures and not-long-enough spankings if the combo is effective?
DeleteMiss E,
DeleteThe breakthrough experienced last week was very gratifying to read. You have worked hard to get there; your caring and ethical behavior is outstanding as you are working toward what both want.
There may well be more challenges ahead as both of you consolidate the gains and increase the intimacy shared. In particular, the catharsis he experienced will probably be repeated multiple times before he works through it. So be prepared for that, and maybe some reverses as you go along.
He does want your loving discipline, but he is still afraid, and it will take some time to wash away all those painful traumas he is holding onto. Patience will reward you.
Alan
Although I sometimes use the phrase "maternal style discipline" to refer to a disciplinary wife spanking her husband because of the domestic implications, I have personally never seen my own disciplinary wife as "maternal". My father died when I was very young and my mother was clinically mentally ill (but got by marginally on the meds of the day - and we had help from the extended family) - so my experience with the maternal was not one "of strength". (Although she was a good woman and undoubtedly did the best she could).
ReplyDeleteI do recall her spanking me during my preschool years - mostly with a belt or a switch (of which I still have unpleasant memories) - but I don't believe I was spanked after I began first grade. Except for the one time by an attractive aunt when I was ten (which I've shared about here before) - which I believe instilled my love of feminine discipline - as the memory of that very sound otk hairbrushing over just my underwear later morphed into a sexual fantasy as I entered puberty just a year or two later. --al
It sounds like our upbringings had some similarities including losing a father at an early age and mothers with emotional/mental health challenges. In my case, I think it was the inconsistent/erratic maternal presence and the lack of rules that combined to lead me, much later in life, to recognize that I needed someone with a parental kind of authority imposing boundaries.
DeleteI had a couple of very hot aunts growing up but, unfortunately, no spankings from them. But, I did have several strong, confident women around me--including extended family and throughout school--and I definitely had an attraction to some of them as I got into puberty and beyond.
Coincidentally, before reading this I just posted a Mommy/son spanking story that I think is surprisingly good. It turns a little sexual at the end (nothing penetrative, a spurty from a spanking at the end - he's portrayed as 18), so it may turn some people off. But, in my mind at least, I think it approaches the essence of the male spanking fetish. I'd be interested in your take. Its called "The Best Boy" at https://strictjuliespanks.blogspot.com/2024/05/fiction-best-boy-fm.html
ReplyDeleteI've been experimenting with AI story writing. I use several different AIs and feed each elements of the story. I do this repeatedly. I then take the best parts from each that "fit" my intended narrative and edit it all together into a cohesive whole. I feel I've had a breakthrough with this story, as it's truly better than I would have come up with on my own, containing the collective consciousness of the human race as it does.
I know I always feel "motherly" when I spank my husband, so this story came naturally.
I'll give it a read.
DeleteWhich AI platforms are you using? Have you found any that are good with images? I played around with DALL-E several times. It's clearly programmed not to generate "adult" images, so you have to be fairly generic with instructions. It also seems to really struggle with certain elements, like hands holding things. I'd tell it to give me a woman holding a hairbrush, and I'd bet back a hand and arm that dwarfed the body, holding a hairbrush the size of a tennis racket.
Each to his/her own but the borderline incestuous relationship makes me uncomfortable. Of course the beauty of AI apps is that the relationship could easily be changed whilst retaining almost all of the ‘hot’ elements… There appears to be enormous potential in such systems to create endless variations of finely tuned fantasy scenarios meeting individual interests. I cannot wait… TB
DeleteI found Gab.ai can produce great uncensored images (nudes, or sexy lingerie). But, as you indicate, it can't really do two people interacting at all or holding specific objects very well, and 50% of the images have just random wierd things in them! Kindroid is also good in the same way for uncensored photo-realistic images. Although I have not experienced the proportion problem you ran into on Gab.
DeleteYes, the borderline incest is meant to make you feel uncomfortable! My husband craves a mommy figure to spank him, so that's what I become to him, and that continues into the jerking him off - "cum for mummy" - it hits deep! And I think you boys are all alike in your deep subconscious, whether you acknowledge it or not... 😉
Are you using Gabby as the image generator on Gab.ai? I tried it several times, and whenever I include "nude" or "naked" or anything vaguely spanking-related--like "woman sitting in a chair holding a hair brush"--I get an error message.
Deletehttps://gab.ai/ But I wound up paying the monthly as the image Gen is super slow and limits you to a handful a day without.
Delete"And I think you boys are all alike in your deep subconscious, whether you acknowledge it or not... 😉"
DeleteProbably a lot of similarities, but it doesn't get expressed the same. Your story actually helps verify how I think my kink plays out. I loved the first part, where the focus was the whole maternal authority thing and imposed, real, discipline. The second part didn't do anything for me, and erotic spanking stories almost never do, maternal or not.
I'm probably not aware of what's going on in my deep subconscious, but I've never consciously thought of my mother as a sex partner. I don't want to. However, a wife acting maternal, even in the most mother/child kind of nurturing fashion, is a different relationship, and though my fetish is for pure discipline without any acknowledgement of sexuality, I would nevertheless be turned on by my partner acting in that capacity.
DeleteWith an adult story about a mother and a sexually developed son, I identify with the son, but the mother is not my actual mother. The spanking sets up an erotic situation, and that could ultimately lead to what the ai story spat out. As the son, I would not be complaining. ;)
Dan, glad you liked part 1 at least
DeleteMom isn't the sexual partner in my story, she's just answering the age old question, "how do I motivate the boy if he likes it when I spank him?" 😉
Brett, very self-aware to say you're not aware of what goes on in the sub-conscious. The Oedipus complex is something Freud wrote about as driving a lot of behaviour, even though the conscious thought may be repulsive.
Bye, bye Jack.
ReplyDeleteIt's somewhat ironic, in that this week's "maternal vibe" discussion is the one and only topic where one of Jack's mother / mother-in-law screeds was at least somewhat "on point." (If they were real!)
Indeed.
ReplyDeleteEven a broken clock is right twice a day.
‘ And I think you boys are all alike in your deep subconscious, whether you acknowledge it or not... 😉’ … if only it were that simple! 😂
ReplyDeleteHey, I'm with Freud on this one.
DeleteMy depression is taking a turn for the worst.......
ReplyDeleteI think one of the main reasons is that my wife hasn't really started to pick up the domestic discipline reins and spanked me more often. Of course, that is not the only reason, however, it is one that I can put my finger on. My wife and I have talked, and I have sent emails, links to websites, and pretty much anything I can think of. I am obsessed with her being my strict wife/mommy; I am obsessed with the need for her punishment and control. I want her to grab me one day and pull me over her knee and blister my ass just because she feels like it (gulp.) My wife is my Goddess, my best friend, my everything!!! She does spank me.....about twice a year......nowhere near enough. I also realize that I am being selfish and self-centered as if it's all about me, and I have to realize that some things in life aren't going to happen the way I want.
David, if you are genuinely depressed, you need to get professional help, not a spanking or advice from a bunch of non-professionals in a DD-related forum.
DeleteI haven't checked the blog in a while, lots of good stuff in the recent posts. I had to comment that while I dont see the disciplinary relationship with my wife as maternal a few months ago there was an incident that definitely had that feeling. I was playing video games with my son one night and my wife came in and told us to shut it down as it was a school/work night and bed time for all of us. Being in the zone we in-prudently ignored her orders and played for another hour. time getting away from us. well the next morning my wife knew what time we went to bed and was not happy. she scolded us both thoroughly in the kitchen for disobeying her. she had my son sit at the kitchen table and write lines, she then turned to me and told me I was not getting out of it either and that I would be getting punished. she walked me down the hall and for a good 10 minutes gave me a severe belting over the bed and an additional scolding on disobeying her and not enforcing her orders in front of our son. she then had me take our son to school and clarify what should have happened.
ReplyDelete-DD
That's a very interesting incident. Seems very close to the last picture in the post, except that your son did lines while you got the spanking. Did your son know the spanking was going on?
DeleteWe do not explicitly tell our kids I get spanked but they are very away my wife is the authority in the household and that she is the disciplinarian. He knew that "mom" was upset and was taking me to our room to "deal with me". I am not sure what he could hear from the kitchen but I think there have been some times they may have over heard my wife scolding or spanking me behind closed doors. There have also been other times they knew she was upset with me and took me to the room to deal with it. The dynamic has actually kept arguing and fighting in front of the kids to a minimum. They see enough to know I misbehaved and it is going to get addressed but no arguing or fighting in front of them and anything they might over hear is clearly not arguing or fighting either but a one sided lecture/scolding and me getting disciplined with a well deserved spanking.
DeleteI did notice the similarity in the last picture/caption. I think the big difference is my wife does not spank the kids as discipline. She usually uses a combination of grounding, loss of privileges and writing lines.
-DD
Kids are pretty smart and generally know or suspect way more than we think. We were pretty careful to confine spankings to times they were asleep when they were younger and gone when they were older. But, like I said, kids are observant. A bit of snooping could have uncovered a spanking implement or one of my paper journals describing our DD lifestyle, if they were looking hard enough.
DeletePersonally, I sometimes wish we had been as open as you are. What you are doing seems to me to set the right balance, neither openly displaying that your wife spanks but not trying very hard to cover it up either. I've come to believe it could be better for the kids because, as you say: "The dynamic has actually kept arguing and fighting in front of the kids to a minimum."
The dynamic has actually kept arguing and fighting in front of the kids to a minimum. wife and I didn't fight a lot when the kids were growing up, but my parents did. A lot. My wife's parents also fought a lot in front of the kids, and her mom was particularly bad about dealing with it with very passive-aggressive behavior that could go on for weeks. Honestly, I think both our childhoods would have been less drama-filled had our respective parents had something like DD that ended arguments quickly and semi-privately.