Monday, April 22, 2024

The Club - Meeting 474 - An Update on Performance Improvement Check-ins, and Certainty vs. Immediacy

“It's not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives. It's what we do consistently.” – Tony Robbins


Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly meeting of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline and/or Female Led (FLR) relationships.


Once again, before we get started, I would like to extend a specific invitation to our female readers to move from “lurker” to “commenter” status. We miss having you around.


I hope you all had a great week. Ours was pretty sedate.  Though, things do continue to develop on the disciplinary front.  So, I’ll kick things off with some updates before moving on to this week’s topic.


First, our discussion here about tears—particularly the comments by Alan and others regarding how essential the wife wanting or expecting tears is to achieving them—led me to feel Anne out about it again.  While talking in bed about some DD-related issues, I told her that I still hoped crying would happen at some point.  In the past, when I brought it up I always felt her response was equivocal or non-committal, in a way that indicated she had concerns about how she might react.


This time was different. When I told her it was something I still found compelling and hoped would happen, she said simply, “Good. I’m glad. I want you to.  You can’t read a lot into seven words, but the tone was very different this time. There wasn’t any equivocation. It was simple and direct.



I asked her how she thought she might react.  She said something to the effect of, “I think I’ll see it as gratifying that you finally got over that threshold and gave in. I would probably acknowledge it and tell you I was glad you were crying. But, I don’t think it would make me stop.” 


I don’t think she’s determined to make it happen in the way, say, ZM’s wife was when she made it clear that a spanking wasn’t going to stop until he cried for the first time.  But, I think she does want it to happen and, at the very least, won’t have any adverse emotional reaction if and when it does.


Second, with our family commitments finally out of the way, we resumed our “check-ins” around performance goals.  I knew she had been mulling some tweaks to what I had proposed, but I wasn’t at all sure how weighty the changes might be.  As it turned out, it was nothing earth-shattering, but that doesn’t mean they weren’t meaningful in terms of her increasing comfort with being in control, as well as for what they forebode for the state of my butt going forward.   


Her changes included:


·      adding an agenda item to deal with day-to-day household planning on things like places we want to travel, home improvements, family finances, etc.  It has nothing to do with DD expressly but does recognize that sometimes my procrastination and lack of direction result, in part, from us not taking the time to coordinate plans as a couple;

·      using the meetings not only to address the performance improvement/goal-setting items I had identified but also as a more general “check-in” on my behavior over the preceding week;

·      adding a discussion of things she characterized as “pet peeves,” i.e. things that apparently have been grating on her nerves but haven’t been identified as “spankable” before now.


As I reported before, she also changed the frequency of our meetings.  I had suggested that we do these check-ins monthly, because I thought weekly might be more of a burden than she might want to sign up for.  But, she has not only scheduled the meetings weekly but tightened up on the deadlines I had proposed for hitting some of the action items on my “life goals” list. That’s consistent with Alan’s recent advice about deadlines:


I want to make a general suggestion about deadlines.


What we have found to be highly effective is setting the deadline as close as possible to the present. This not only keeps the task at the forefront of the assignee's mind but also ensures timely completion.


For instance, instead of giving him a week, consider setting a deadline within a day or two, and specify the time as 'by Tuesday noon'. Threatened punishment is an abstraction if it's too far in the future or going to happen “some time,” But “ I am going to warm your ass if that is not finished by dinner tomorrow” focuses the mind.


As I said, none of her tweaks to my original suggestions are earth-shattering, yet cumulatively they add up to something different not just in degree but in kind from what I proposed.   



Moreover, although we had agreed that it would be good for both of us if she stepped up her strictness and control, when it came to the specific items to be covered at these check-ins and their timing, she didn’t ask my opinion. She simply told me how it will work going forward. 


And, it’s not just a change in process.  At our most recent meeting, she identified behavioral issues that she determined added up to two spankings.  She also informed me of one “pet peeve” that would earn a spanking going forward. This is something that annoys her but that I don't see as a real issue. But, it's clear that she's decided that what matters is her annoyance, not whether I think that annoyance is reasonable.

She delivered one of the spankings that evening and said the second would come later in the week.


The, the next day, I got a text with a picture that showed I had violated the “pet peeve.".  It didn’t explicitly order a spanking, but a couple of days later I said something that she took as snarky, and she said, “You’re talking big for someone who already has two spankings coming.” 


Honestly, given that it was a “first offense,” I thought forgetting about the pet peeve would result in a warning not a spanking.  Instead, it was like Al’s Even More story, in which the husband immediately forgets the rule they had just implemented regarding toilet seats.  He argues a warning would be “more fair,” but she sticks to her guns and spanks him anyway.


All of which is a segue of sorts into this week’s topic.



The combination of these weekly check-ins and her increasing strictness seems to be creating a situation in which spankings are no more immediate but are substantially more certain.  In fact, while it’s a little too early to tell, the weekly check-ins might lead to her putting off some spankings for a few days, since there will be a meeting at which they are discussed and later dealt with.


Yet, regardless of what happens with immediacy, I find the likelihood of increased certainty to be pretty intimidating, particularly given that increased certainty will inevitably result in increased frequency. It's been on my mind a lot since that last check-in meeting.  In fact, I feel like, for maybe the first time in 20 years, we've hit on the combination that really gets my attention and makes me think twice before acting up.

We’ve talked about “consistency” a lot here over the years, though we’ve seldom defined it.  


“Certainty” seems to be inherent in the whole concept of consistency.  If bad behavior doesn’t get consistently punished, then there is no consistency.


Immediacy is, in my view, perhaps important to the effectiveness of DD as a deterrent but it’s not intrinsic to the concept a consistency.  And, I use the word “perhaps” because I’m not really sure how necessary immediacy really is.


Last week someone equated DD to training a dog.  I admit I’ve used the analogy myself, though it is an imperfect one at best.  A dog is incapable of mentally linking a punishment with a behavior unless the former happens close in time to the latter.  So, with dogs, immediacy is critical to behavior modification.


Humans, on the other hand, by virtue of both memory and imagination, can project thoughts about behavior and consequences forward and backward in time.  We also are capable of thinking about behavior and consequences abstractly.


I don’t know whether more immediate punishments would result in more behavioral change.  What I do know is that the prospect of more certainty—both in detection and punishment—by virtue of our new check-in system feels more intimidating than thoughts about how increased immediacy might feel.  And, there also is the almost guaranteed linkage between the formality and regularity of the check-in system, the resulting increase in the certainty of punishment, and the further almost inevitable increase in the frequency of punishment.


In fact, there is something very humbling and intimidating about the fact that she is keeping closer track and that, even if a week or two had passed, there is a very good chance the spanking will happen.  In some ways, the fact that I might feel less of a connection between the particular spanking and the particular offense feels like it is one more step in removing my judgments and preferences from the process and substituting her as the sole judge of timing and frequency, which in turn feels more like how I’ve always envisioned the DWC wife’s authority should work.



Of course, it’s not an either-or. In the past, immediacy felt like a loose prerequisite for certainty.  If a spanking didn’t happen relatively close in time to the offense, it was likely to be forgotten or “real life” would intervene.  But now, it feels like our formal check-ins will end up playing a bigger role in bringing about certainty and making “immediacy” less of a necessary component.


I also get the sense that our formal check-ins lessen any lingering concerns my wife may have about “fairness.”  She is running the agenda, but it’s still a two-way street in terms of communications.  If I don’t agree with her factual premises, I have the ability to raise those kinds of issues, but I get the sense so far that as long as the facts are as she perceived them to be, she isn’t going to be asking for much input from me on whether a spanking has been earned.



It also seems like she is coming down on the side of certainty and not worrying as much about immediacy.  Including the “pet peeve” offense, she ordered three spankings in a single week but didn’t schedule them all for the same day.  Between the offense, the check-in, and the execution of the sentence, almost two weeks could conceivably pass between the first offense and the last spanking.   



Yet, it seems to be more important that each spanking actually happen than that they happen on a particular timetable.


I’m reminded of something a friend of mine, Rhiannon, who is the “top” in an FLR marriage said about consistency on her blog:


“I often struggle with balance or worrying about my husband feeling something is unfair or that it could be "too much."  The vast majority of contributors all suggest just taking control, owning it and acknowledging that while resistance or "unfairness" may happen, it is kind of what we each signed up for in deciding to walk this path.  In fact, my husband does not want an equal relationship. He wants me to lead. So in spending countless time and energy trying to make it seem or feel equal or worrying too much about the impact something will have, I am really just spinning my wheels and depriving us both of what we actually need/want. It was this realization that got me back on the path of leading.


While I feared increased control or strictness could breed resentment, it has the opposite effect.  He needs the structure and the clarity. He needs the consistency and knowing what is expected. I also think, although probably less so in the moment, that he craves the accountability as well.  Being in this type of relationship really requires some shifts in conventional thinking and finding ways to make sense of concepts that perhaps seem counter intuitive.  It is the difference between viewing follow up as being a nag or as holding him accountable.


It also is not just better for him. It is better for me.  It is easier for me to know that when I make a decision, it will be followed because I am not leaving room for resistance. It is also easier because I have control over my own life and can be responsible for the choices I make, which also means I have no one to blame but myself if it turns out not to be the best choice.  It is just simpler and easier.”


I think the formality of the new check-in system removes some of the second-guessing my wife previously subjected herself to.  Like my friend, she recognizes that I need both strictness and consistency, and she seems to have arrived at the conclusion that, for us, the best recipe for consistency is:


·      certainty of having a direct conversation each week about my behavior, met and unmet goals, procrastination, and any annoyance or hanger she’s experienced as a result

·      certainty of punishment

·      separate punishments for each significant offense, even at the expense of immediacy



Let’s explore this topic of consistency in all its angles.  What level of consistency have you achieved in your DD relationship? Is consistency even a goal, or are you content with an on-again-off-again approach? For those for whom consistency is a desired state but remains challenging, what are the big impediments to getting there? What are you and your spouse willing to do, if anything, to overcome those impediments?


Do you see any tension between certainty and immediacy?  Is one more important than the other?


For the wives, what are the challenges in achieving more certainty and consistency? Is it practical things like lack of available time, or is it more an attitude issue? Do concerns about “fairness” cause you to second-guess yourself? Or, is being consistent and strict freeing, as my friend Rhiannon describes?


I hope you have a great week.


  1. Great post Dan, things are really changing for you! I'm not sure that I'm in a situation to comment as we seem to be in a lull with little discipline or FLR, however...

    For me, both certainty and immediacy are essential. During my early years both home and school, except for very isolated incidents, the (discovery of the) offence and the punishment occurred very close together - usually the same day. I think that this means that the punishment can be a "reaction" done and dealt with immediately, rather than a chore hanging over the wife's head. In both environments, an offence came with certainty of punishment.

    I admit to liking the uncertainty and insecurity that comes with knowing that one can be going about one's business and moments later receiving a severe punishment for an offence that has just been discovered.

    When we have been successful living with DD, punishment has come swiftly; when it lags the process falls down for us. Letting an awarded punishment drift, as you say, means that it has a greater chance of being forgotten and next thing all consistency is lost...

    1. "I think that this means that the punishment can be a "reaction" done and dealt with immediately, rather than a chore hanging over the wife's head."

      I agree that could be a problem. The counterpoint though would be that my wife has said that she sometimes would stress out trying to figure out how to work a punishment into her schedule. If the emphasis was on certainty and not immediacy, she would have had more scheduling flexibility and perhaps it would have seemed like less of a chore.

      I'm speaking in the past tense because, with both of us retired, working in punishment sessions really shouldn't be that much of a chore. Though, I'm kind of surprised at how much we both do still seem to have fairly full days sometimes.

  2. Oops sorry, last comment was Mark.

  3. We have had a discussion on Immediacy many times. I can only think of one or two times when she actually took the time to deal with an infraction immediately. There's two reasons:
    1) Her anger over my behavior.
    She doesn't like to punish me when she is that angry. She doesn't like being angry so she needs time to calm down
    2) circumstances! My behavior most often manifest itself when we arebusy or are around others. She may or may not be not say something at the time but when we get home she will announce that I need a spanking which usually means before bed but if she is particularly busy it could be a day or two
    However she often recognizes and mentions how she might have handled things differently. She Just this week we were with her family at the amusementShe park and I was not feeling well. I was whining about everything and making my displeasure known. When the time to leave was approaching I asked if I could get the car and pick her up at the exit. I She agreed and when she got in the car she announced a spanking would be coming and the time I ruined her an outing I would be sent to wait in the car immediately.
    I did get a spanking the next day for once again acting up in front of her family and embarrassing her.

    Certainty is another issue. While circumstances may delay a spanking. There's not much of a chance of getting out of a spanking or punishment that she has announced. In fact she expects me to remind her before bed of any announcement she has made so she can decide to deal with it before bed or the next day. I have received a spanking for not reminding her of an announcement or time in the corner. I have also received a longer harder spanking for failing to remind her that she announced I had a spanking coming she also tacked on time in the corner for that.
    She knows I'm being deceitful and trying to avoid it if I don't remind her. She has determined to make the punishment longer and/or harder for the deceit.

    1. "My behavior most often manifests itself when we are busy or are around others." That's a really good point. One reason my tally of spankings got as high as it did recently was we were around other people for the better part of two weeks, and several of those people actively encouraged--and exemplified--the behavior that gets me in trouble. Though, it's also possible that I got off easy because my behavior looked better in comparison to that of several other guys we were with.

  4. My wife were to punish for each of her 'pet peeves' I'd be in for a spanking every day.
    I suppose you don't know yet but was wondering if the intensity of each spanking is the same or will Anne make some spankings more or less severe depending on the seriousness of the offence?
    A lot of my 'pet peeves' I woul consider pretty minor but a couple would be serious.
    Would it be be more effective to have one 'epic' spanking than to have one for each offence?

    1. Hard to say. She tends to be very "binary" -- on or off.

      For me, a spanking for each offense seems to be a far greater deterrent than lumping several together.

  5. There is an account on Aunt Kay's DWC website where a wife uses a timer for his spanking and the spanking time increases by the number of offences.
    One offence earns him a 10 minute spanking and she adds 5 minutes for each additional offence.
    So 3 offences would be a 20 minute spanking.
    If the spanking time is long , she breaks it into two consecutive sections , putting him in the corner after the first section before resuming his spanking.
    From the photos she really blisterd his butt for a two offence spanking of 10 minutes.

    1. For me, unless they were broken down into separate sessions, it would be kind of pointless. Regardless of the implement used, at some point I inevitably go numb.

  6. A bit different in our 24/7 FLR than most. We surely have consistency as I am spanked regularly for maintenance and for every behavior infraction. Both of us being retired helps with this as we are together most of the time. No check ins needed as my punishment is administered immediately after the offense. Being together nearly always helps along with my being kept nude whenever in the house. After an infraction, either she or I get an implement, no time wasted getting undressed or baring my butt, I am bent over and spanked. This is true when away from home as well; everyone is familiar with my spanking at a friends home. True, she took me to an adjacent room, away from the others, and the fact we had no implements made no difference. She removed the belt from my jeans and spanked me soundly. The only time there is any time between the offense and the punishment is when she learns of the offense at a later date/time. For example, she may enter the garage and see something not done and say... 'Didn't I tell you to take care of this two days ago'. I am immediately spanked for that infraction. So consistency is always the norm and immediacy is paramount in our FLR. It is the way I have learned to live and like it. I can relate my punishment to my behavior as it is immediate for the most part.

    1. Daily nudity wouldn't work for us. Way too many big windows and too many neighbors' houses looking directly into those windows.

    2. At the risk of being contrary Is certainty a good thing I wonder? Most of life has little guaranteed certainty so does DD need to be different? My situation would suggest I have certainty because the cycle is so regular as to be almost clockwork and yet I still get nervy and uncertain as to whether I am or not getting chastised. I have to read the signs to be sure, of which Mrs GL has a couple which tell me I definitely am. I think that is a good thing rather than me taking things for granted?

      On immediacy, the occasions where Mrs GL feels the need to punish outside our cycle I find she prefers to let me stew for a day or two. I think it goes back to her rationale to never reward me for bad behaviour. I, of course, hate that.

      Good luck on the new regime Dan. Cheers GLM

    3. I don't personally see a big downside or trade-off involved in certainty. I can't say the same for immediacy -- I think that it often is good for me to have at the very least several hours, and maybe as much as a few days, of anticipation. So, maybe we need to separate out two categories of certainty -- certainty that it *will* happen vs. certainty of *when* it will happen. I don't see an advantage for her or me in there being doubts about whether it will happen. In fact, that kind of inconsistency has probably been our biggest problem over the course of the DD part of our relationship. But, I do see an advantage in her keeping me on edge about the exact timing of a spanking.

  7. Always thought it a great shame that your friend Rhiannon stopped writing her blog, dan. I found it a breath of fresh air. Anyway, I agree with Ward here - my wife likes to be calm when she's beating me and expects a reminder if for some reason she has needed to wait to administer discipline and it has slipped her mind (a rare event).

    jay (anon)

    1. Yeah, it's too bad. I'm still in touch with her. Life just got busy, and she's at the stage of life/career where it tends to be the busiest. Her blog is also about the only F/m-oriented one out there that I can confirm really was written by a woman.

  8. Loved reading your post Dan! Per usual..

    Your friend Rhiannon’s comment really stuck out to me, so much so that I screenshotted it to refer back to later.

    It sounds like your flr journey and dynamic is going well! Im excited for you both!
    If having a set spanking per specific infraction is what works best for you, with this new list of rules, is it possible you could ever get ‘backed up’ or ‘behind’ on spankings to the point where it is so frequent the fear of being punished loses its potency?
    Im curious too, you’ve previously mentioned that you are the head of your household and leader of your relationship. How does this flr journey play into those dynamics for the both of you? Is she now more so in the role of HOH?

    As for me, my previously stated doubts are what cause me to hesitate and falter with consistency. That and just life being life. We both just recently switched our career paths (same week actually), have had very fluctuating financial and family situations, overcome major health issues, and yada yada yada all in the past few years. I keep waiting for it to get boring but Im beginning to think life just never does. Regardless, I have been working to overcome the impact I allow external situations to have on our dynamics consistency/stability. In fact, I spoke with my husband last night about our dynamic and where he is with everything. This conversation and pause lately has all been due to some intense familial situations that he and we are dealing with. He told me that while he doesnt need this dynamic like I do, he does want it, as much as if not more than me. The conflicting messages and hesitancy on his part is due to his own individual issues with how to be a man, what it means, being submissive, and giving himself to me in this way.
    Definitely was a productive conversation, and hes in the process of picking a therapist so hopefully that will help.
    My goal is to eventually view our dynamic much how Rhiannon describes, with confidence.

    1. Miss E, I think when Rhiannon talks about "leaving no room for resistance," she nails the heart of the matter. A man either submits to his wife, including her discipline, or he does not. He does not have a menu from which he can pick and choose. If he accepts her authority, he accepts it because he chooses to. After that, he may have input put he has few choices. In my case, my wife is head of the household and controls my time, money and everything else. She wants my input but she does not want resistance to her authority. Outright disobedience would always be a deal-breaker....


    2. And has this ever led to you feeling like youre not being the ‘man you could be’ or reaching your ‘full masculine potential’?
      Do you ever resent her for having that amount of unilateral power?
      Or feel as if you bring nothing to the table as she does everything?

      I know Ive referenced these questions before previously, just curious to get a better understanding from a male’s perspective. My husband struggles with wanting our dynamic and the fears depicted in those questions due to other experiences.

    3. "If having a set spanking per specific infraction is what works best for you, with this new list of rules, is it possible you could ever get ‘backed up’ or ‘behind’ on spankings to the point where it is so frequent the fear of being punished loses its potency?"

      I really doubt it. If anything, I think the threat of a "backlog" would probably lead to me asking her to spank me, as the threat of them coming daily or more would be too much.

      "I'm curious too, you’ve previously mentioned that you are the head of your household and leader of your relationship. How does this flr journey play into those dynamics for the both of you? Is she now more so in the role of HOH?"

      I think you may be confusing my comments with someone else's. I've never considered myself the head of our household or the leader in our relationship. Early on, I think that others could have thought that, because my personality was more assertive than hers and because my job made me the primary earner in the family. But, I've never considered myself to be HoH or "the" leader in the relationship. I would say we have consciously moved her into something closer to that position, though when it comes to non-disciplinary decisions, we tend to make most of them together. Where one of us has a more prominent decision-making role, it tends to be based on relative level of interest or experience, not a formal allocation of authority.

    4. Miss E: “Do you ever resent her for having that amount of unilateral power?”

      Resentment or resistance often exists early during the disciplinary process and before punishment begins, but for me, it is a defense mechanism rather than a durable feeling. I am confabulating ( which everyone does at one time or another) to avoid a punishment that I most likely both deserve and need. And 99% of the time, after the punishment has been administered, I will agree with her that it was fair and necessary.

      But if you hope in time he won’t harbor some resentment at the beginning, be prepared for a surprise. As much of a strong advocate as I am for my wife’s discipline and female authority in general, when I am standing in front of her, pants down and acutely aware of what is about to happen—I too often ( not every time) try to delay it or avoid it altogether.

      This male behavior was discussed on the blog earlier, so I will not elaborate. But a man about to be spanked will often do anything he can to avoid or delay being spanked –anything other than outright defiance of her. The best thing you can do if confronted with this behavior is to ignore it and move quickly to spanking. That saves both of you stress and gets you faster to the place where he is praising you for doing what just minutes ago he was calling “not fair” or “not necessary “

  9. No, because I am much closer to the 'man I could be' with her guidance. I was miles away from that before I realised that obedience to her will brought me the peace and strength to fulfil my potential.

    I never resent her power - that's a matter of knowing her so well and trusting her completely. her nature is not to settle for anything less than the best - and she doesn't see how an obedient husband can ever be truly obedient if he doesn't submit to her wishes after due discussion.

    I never feel as if I'm doing nothing or making no contribution - the limits she places on me enable her to fly and that's a wonderful thing to see. I hope your husband will see his way to a similar way of thinking. I've always said that being at my wife's feet, so to speak, places me higher than any other man I know!

  10. Sorry that last answer and this one was from


  11. Miss E said: “He told me that while he doesnt need this dynamic like I do, he does want it, as much as if not more than me.”

    This is a rather amazing statement from someone who ( apparently) doesn’t share the kink ( i.e., the erotic dimension)but nevertheless “wants it” intensely. As a spanko, I can’t claim full empathy with him because some of my needs/desires for my wife’s authority are indeed erotic. But as our relationship has matured, I do feel I understand what I will awkwardly call a “platonic spanking”, a disciplinary spanking without overt eroticism. The post-orgasm spanking that several commentators have described probably comes closest to what my imagination conjures –when I think of your husband's lived experience with corporal punishment discipline.

    Another shorter way of saying what I am attempting is that I understand completely why you use spanking to discipline, but I don’t understand completely why he not only submits to it ( that part I do understand reasonably well). But why does he submit to it and also say he “wants it, as much as if not more than ( you)”


    1. In my case, it's certainly true that there is a lot of erotic energy bound up in the idea of wifely authority exercised via spanking. But, I can understand how some men could make the decision that they needed it or benefitted strongly from it, even if the eroticism is absent. I kind of have both aspects in my makeup. Emotionally, eroticism is a big part of the drive. But, I honestly think that when I discovered the DWC and presented it to my wife as option, I genuinely believed that my lack of guardrails was causing big problems and that a DWC-like relationship might be good for both of us, independent of any erotic motivation.

    2. Dan wrote: “I genuinely believed that my lack of guardrails was causing big problems and that a DWC-like relationship might be good for both of us, independent of any erotic motivation.”

      Assuming that you still feel that way, here is a thought experiment that I have applied to us:
      Assume that Anne sat you down and told you that she felt she needed to up the severity to make discipline more effective (Dan, I have to spank you too often). However, she was not comfortable just making them “harder and longer.” She had decided to require an orgasm before each spanking so she could make her point without actually spanking you any harder. “No, Dan, I have made up my mind. I am not going to allow any resistance to this. If you want to continue the benefits, we both get from discipline, you will obey me”

      Would you continue to think that a DWC relationship was worth it? The thought experiment isn’t entirely theoretical. My wife has wanted more latitude in this area for some time. I told her about a recent comment on the blog (from K?) in which one commentator recounted a post-orgasm spanking with a rubber strap. Her comment was something like, “That should be us.” We can’t be the only one for which this is an issue. There have been a small but steady number of men on this blog who report experiencing it (and a few women saying they use it). Part of me wants to give in on this issue, and part keeps saying, “DON’T DO IT!”. Is this maybe the ultimate act of obedience in a DD, or is it really a bridge too far that will cause more problems than it solves?


    3. Alan, for me it's a little too theoretical for me to know in advance whether I would see it as "worth it." Unlike you, I've never had a post-orgasm spanking, so while I have trouble imagining that it is exponentially worse, it's not something I've actually experienced.

      I'd also note that, from what I recall about K's comments, his wife appears especially rigorous, with fairly routine spankings that are along the lines of what most of us get for real punishment, while she reserves the post-orgasm and rubber strap for very rare "true" punishment spankings.

      Because Anne is so binary in her approach to spankings--they all are very hard, almost without exception--I probably would balk in the way it sounds like you are doing. If she decided to apply it for truly egregious misbehavior or some repeated offenses, I'm sure I would cooperate. But, I really don't know how cooperative I would be if she applied it to every spanking.

  12. Certainty : Yes. Immediacy : that’s a tougher one. I think immediacy is a curve rather than an on / off switch. Too immediate can be a bad idea, as several others have pointed out, she probably doesn’t want to spank when she’s still angry so the best time is after that has subsided and everyone is thinking with a cool head again. If that’s the peak ideal time, then it’s a steady downward trend from there. It’s better done in the first day or two than after a week, better after a week than after two weeks and so on. Certainty on the other hand is digital - either you know it’s coming or you don’t. My personal viewpoint on this is that I want certainty. If I’ve said, done or failed to do something, I don’t want to be in any doubt that it’s being dealt with. It may take a day or a couple of weeks but I want to be certain it’s coming. In practice, we don’t quite have that situation. She’s inclined to let things ride sometimes when I feel that a punishment is warranted. Like some others here, we do practice maintenance and I’d say that most spankings tend to be that. On those occasions when a spanking is genuinely disciplinary, then it’s probably more likely that I’ve triggered it because I’m feeling guilty about something. Genuine punishments triggered by her are far less common and less certain than they should be. TG

    1. I agree there are pros and cons to immediacy. Though, I often feel like my wife should spank more often when she's angry. For reasons I don't totally understand, she seems to simply forget about DD as an option when she's really pissed about something. But, I do get what you mean that cooling off can be better sometimes. And, it's not just the wife cooling off. In the heat of an argument, I likely will be sticking hard to my view that I'm right and she's wrong. Even if I still have that view a day or two later, a spanking at that time, instead of in the middle of a dispute, is far more likely to bring me around to seeing her point of view.

  13. In the brief time we practiced DD my wife very often forgot to follow through on the promised spankings. This in turn annoyed me a great deal because then DD didn't feel real to me. I tried to remind her at times but she got upset cause I was interfering with her authority to decide when a spanking will take place. We solved it with a list I had to keep. If I screwed up she would call a strike and I had to add it to the list of my infractions.she would then decide when to deal with the infractions (usually on the weekend about every 2 to 3 weeks). I never knew when I would be in for it and seeing the list getting longer and longer made me quite anxious. I remember one saturday evening when we were in bed both reading something and I turned around to go to sleep. All she said was "don't get comfy yet, we still have quite a bit to take care of." A moment later I was bent over the side of the bed for a dose of the cane and bathbrush. Would an immediate spanking after breaking a rule be more effective? Of course. But this way still worked for us and still helped improving my behaviour quite a bit. It was the compromise that woeked for us. At least for a time. Mike

    1. "I tried to remind her at times but she got upset cause I was interfering with her authority to decide when a spanking will take place."

      I understand the frustration. When forgetting to follow through becomes chronic, it's hard not to interpret as a lack of commitment. Husbands put themselves in a very vulnerable position asking for this kind of relationship, and I totally get how it feels like it didn't mean much if the wife agrees to do it then chronically forgets. I have zero sympathy for the position that addressing that problem is "topping from below." In these relationships, both partners have taken on responsibilities, and I see nothing wrong with having honest discussions if one partner is simply slacking but calling it their "authority" in action.

  14. We practice both levels. My relationship is non-spousal so we don't live together and therefore there are less chances to misbehave or annoy. Once I brought up the idea of DD and FLR she quickly came around and is enjoying the empowerment, something she missed in her marriage. We meet for maintenance spankings once a week but sometimes they are more of a reward since I have been a model boyfriend lately. The intention is to provide a reminder about various performance/growth related habits we have agreed upon. I intend to impress upon her that more severity might be in order even though the idea does give me pause. The effect on my awareness and optimism during the week is much greater when the spanking is more intense. There is little sense of certainty though. Her mood at the moment generally prevails. I miss the looming anticipation of an announced future spanking.
    She is a cleanliness devotee and that is one of my weaknesses. So most times when she visits we peruse the kitchen, bathroom, floors, etc. and immediate pants down hair-brushing commences. Generally quick and crisp stingers. She has taken to carrying the hairbrush around in her purse which is absolutely thrilling knowing her propensity to eschew the idle threat and also her growing taste for maybe allowing others to get a hint of what is going on. This part is mutual by the way.

    1. "I intend to impress upon her that more severity might be in order even though the idea does give me pause." As I've said to myself a few hundred times over the years.

  15. Now that the kids are grown and we are both at least semi-retired, my wife will often spank me immediately when she deems that I have done something to earn one. As I have shared before, she does administer a weekly maintenance spanking to "maintain morale and a proper attitude", so to speak. Occasionally, she will include extra swats or scolding for something specific as well - if something has not been addressed already. And sometimes she will ask if I have anything to confess - prompting me to make sure I don't miss something that she may know about, especially since she does not routinely ask me that.

    We do not have any specific procedure for me to self report misbehavior. On occasion - not often - I may if I am feeling particularly guilty (and sense a need to "atone") or think there is a good chance that she may find out anyway. A spanking is a certainty following a "self report" - so I sometimes have to mull it over a bit. But - if it is something she may likely discover later, the spanking will be much more severe if I don't - so that is always a factor.

    And, on occasion, when we may have had a bit of a spat, and I know that I am in the wrong, or that a spanking will clear the air (wrong or not), I will apologize and ask her if I "should get the paddle out" - even if I may not really expect a spanking over the "spat". (This often happens by text on my way home from somewhere as many times these "hurt feelings" episodes seem to happen when we are apart). She always accepts my apology and always tells me that "yes, I should get the paddle out". --al

    1. "A spanking is a certainty following a "self-report" - so I sometimes have to mull it over a bit. But - if it is something she may likely discover later, the spanking will be much more severe if I don't - so that is always a factor."

      For us, it's not quite a certainty after a self-report, but close enough that I do find self-reporting very hard. Even when I am feeling a need for, as you said, atonement I still very often manage to wimp out of self-reporting. I think about it and plan to do it, yet in the end, I just don't. Part of the reason may be that I don't think her discovering something on her own makes any real difference when it comes to severity, so there isn't a big built-in incentive to report.

  16. Great post Dan and lots of good comments! I started not to post because I didn't think i really had anything to add to what has already been said, but Domino said something to me last night that made me want to post.

    We don't do "check ins" because she tells me what is expected and when I screw up my impending punishment is immediately announced. She is consistent in that, and I appreciate the consistency. Normally I get the thrashing right away, immediacy, unless circumstances prohibit it, then it will happen before we go to sleep, consistency once again. (Last week someone said that their wife called it a "thrashing" and I told Domino about it and it has become our new term. So very descriptive!)

    As to what led me to post, we just purchased a new RV trailer and are taking it on the initial shakedown cruise leaving next week for 8 days. We have been busy this last week getting things ready. Last night she called me into the bedroom and standing there with her most severe paddle, told me to strip and bend over the bed. I protested as I stripped that I had done nothing wrong, in fact, I have been very well behaved the last four or five days. She just said obey me and administered a good thrashing. After it was over, she put her arms around me and said, "I am looking forward to this trip and I am going to keep you in line because I don't want anything to spoil it." Then the real kicker, "You are better behaved now than at any time in our marriage. You should know how much that means to me." To understand, we have been married 47 years and she has said before that she wished she had known about DD many years ago. It would have saved her lots of grief. So, I appreciated her telling me that and it makes the thrashings worthwhile to make her so happy. As she often says before a thrashing, "This is going to hurt you more than me, but it will be so good for us."

    1. Anne hasn't done many "preventative" spankings, which is what it sounds like your wife was doing in giving a spanking before an RV trip, but she has done a few. If she were to increase the frequency of that time of spanking, before travel would be a fruitful scenario. I'm not a great traveler (and we too have an RV), and it is very common for me to get grumpy before or during trips.

    2. Before a trip, I always get anxious, and a preventative spanking will help reduce my anxiety. I find preventive spankings very erotic, as they clearly demonstrate her authority. Recently, she has suffered a setback, and we have taken a break from spanking, which seemed appropriate, because she needed to not have to be in charge for a while. We are going on a trip next week, and I hope she orders a preventative spanking before we take off. During our spanking break, I haven't broken any rules, of given her any reason to discipline me. Before that, I asked her to be more strict and consistent, which she did, resulting in my first post O spanking. After my maintenance spanking, we had sex, and then I did some errands. A few hours later, she sent me a text with a photo of the toilet seat up and told me to come home for a spanking ASAP. She delivered a sound paddling, and it wasn't as bad as I feared. Of course, it would have been different if I was punished immediately after an orgasm, and I hope that never happens. Because I seldom give her any reason to be annoyed with me, she doesn't give me many disciplinary spankings any more. When I do break a rule, it is usually because I forgot to do something, such as putting the toilet lid down or forgetting to turn off the stove burner. She has not always been consistent, but she was starting to more consistent before our spanking break.

    3. Dear Miss E, as others have noted, a post orgasm spanking separates the sex from the discipline. Yes, it is very hard to take and is very effective. For clarity, we usually start with a regular disciplinary spanking. Most often, but not always, that is followed by me giving her oral sex before intercourse. So she is fully satisfied, and I'm left empty. Bending over for the cane in those circumstances certainly makes me focus on the errors of my ways, as it were. Best regards, Graham

    4. Ive never tried preventative spanking, but Ive been considering them as my husband has a business trip in a few months and I want him to not only be on his best behavior while away, but also ‘feel’ me as a reminder.

      Graham, do you feel an elevated and heightened level of submission to your wife after orgasm denial and a spanking? Or does it leave you feeling irritable or angry?

    5. The former, Miss E. It never makes me irritable or angry, as it's part of our agreement and what I bargained for. It makes me feel very close to her afterwards, which may lead to her getting a second oral orgasm if she would like one.

  17. All of the points made above were very helpful to read. So thank you for the comments above answering some of my questions. I enjoy getting a glimpse into everyones lives.
    The idea of a spanking post orgasm is a concept Id never heard of until on here.
    I plan on eventually trying it, but for those of you that have, what about it makes it such a difficult and charged event? Is it just due to the fact that all erotic or sexual energy is gone from the situation? Do many of you feel a sexual energy before/during a spanking or is it rather you are trying to avoid one and only when looking back do you feel that rush.

  18. I left a comment earlier and it seems to have disappeared into the abyss.
    At any rate, reading through all the comments has been very insightful. I enjoy getting glimpses into your lives and way of doing things.
    I also appreciate the responses to my questions.
    I had never heard of a post orgasm spanking until here. For those of you that have experienced it, what about it makes it so difficult and charged? Is it just due to the lack of sexual and erotic energy? During a normal spanking do you often feel that sexual energy before/during the spanking, or merely afterwards looking back?
    For me personally, I feel a certain level of exhilaration and hunger before I spank him - the anticipation leading up, occasionally during the spanking, and then for says afterwards when I think back to it. Generally during the spanking Im focusing on his body, how his breathing sounds, his limits, my techniques, etc

    1. Yeah, for some reason the Blogger spam filter really likes you. It likes Alan a lot, too.

    2. Miss E

      We don't do post O spankings very often, actually rarely, but after a man has an O he is about as into his satisfied manliness as you can get. It is then that he is most selfish and the least likely to care about what you want. To make him submit to a thrashing at that time is about as humiliating as it gets. He has to put all of his satisfied alpha male self aside, and bend over and take it. At least that is my experience and humble opinion. Ymmv

    3. Also, post O spanking is probably another shade of O denial which is probably beyond the scope of this blog discussion.

    4. Miss E:

      I should only speak for myself and my own experiences, but I have read some other men's experiences that appear similar to my own.

      If I am ordered to orgasm before corporal punishment (e.g., a "thrashing,) that orgasm does release almost all of the erotic desire that has built-up over the previous days (weeks/months?). For some reason, during corporal punishment, I can use that built-up erotic desire to "channel" some of the pain; use that erotic desire as kind of a "pain-sink" (like "heat-sink") to reduce the intensity of the pain. I believe this loss of "pain-sink ability" is why the corporal punishment is so much more painful, powerful and effective after an orgasm. I've notice that the orgasm does NOT have to be immediately before the corporal punishment; for example, an orgasm hours, or even a whole day, before a spanking will reduce the erotic desire somewhat, and thus increase the apparent intensity of a later thrashing.

      The other thing I've noticed is that, immediately after an orgasm (0-20 minutes), I appear to become much more "sensitive;" particularly my genitals, but also other areas. I become more sensitive to touch pretty much everywhere on my body, but particularly around my hips and buttocks. I'm not sure why this is, but it might have something to do with a neurotransmitter depletion/imbalance in the dorsal root ganglia of the spinal cord. These same "ganglian roots" serve the nerves of both the genitals and the buttocks. (I have read in multiple places that this "common-root-node" is one reason so many people find spanking (at any level) to be erotically stimulating: Cross-signaling in the close environment between those sets of nerves.

      My wife does not use "post-orgasm corporal punishment" very often. For her, it is kind of the "nuclear option" for times when I really need to be "put in my place." "Direct Insubordination" (e.g., really forceful "backtalk") or refusal to immediately accept punishment seems to be her most common reasons.

      Something else to consider: If a husband is under some type of "orgasm restriction program," where it can take upwards of three weeks of chastity to closely approach full effect (extreme submissive attention toward the wife), such "punitive orgasms" can require the entire chastity period to start-over from scratch, depriving the wife of the benefits of such orgasm control program!

      I know other members of this forum have had their own experiences with "pre-punishment orgasms. I'm curious if their observations/self-explanations are similar to my own?

    5. Oh that explains it :D
      Well thank you for pulling it from spam.

      I never thought of it like that Antonio! But that completely makes sense. Because it is a much harder ask for the man do you feel a stronger sense of anything afterwards as compared to a normal spanking? Like maybe more submissive? Or stronger sense of affection for your wife? Or more pride in yourself?

    6. Dan: Apparently my last entry (response to Miss E) was also caught in Google's SPAM filter. Appreciate it if you could flush it out. (Don't know what's happening; been a very long time since one of my posts was last quarantined.)

    7. Miss E. Good to have you here. A spanking can certainly have a sexual component, so it’s quite possible to want a spanking. That may change during the spanking itself, but leading up to it, it may seem an attractive and exciting prospect. However, there will be not the slightest hint of attraction or excitement for a spanking after an orgasm - at that time, it’s the last thing you want to think about. A post-orgasm spanking therefore achieves two things : firstly, it’s very definitely disciplinary, it couldn’t be anything else. Secondly, if he puts himself over your knee on command he clearly has accepted your authority and gives your instructions a greater priority than his own inevitable reluctance to be spanked at that moment. TG

    8. Donn, nope, nothing of yours in the spam mailbox.

    9. Dan: My comment "disappeared", then "reappeared" about ten minutes later. Don't understand it!
      -- Donn

    10. Miss E

      If I am understanding your question correctly then for me, after a usual thrashing my anger or resentment at the thrashing is gone and is replaced with a need to be hugged by her. My submissive side takes over and I see her as my Goddess who has my, no our, best interest at heart. It is then that I am very submissive and love only to please her.

      This same feeling, along with a full body and soul desire to worship her both emotionaly and physicaly, after a couple of days of edging and denial will overwhelm me as well.

      To the contrary, a post O thrashing for me does not bring about those same feelings. Instead it brings feelings of humiliation and some anger. I will be careful to obey her, but the desire to serve and please will not be there. She will only use that in a very worst case scenario.

      The other thing not discussed, happens occasionally with us, and that is after her O she will administer a thrashing and then either allow me to have an O by hand or deny an O all together. In those cases my whole body and soul go into submission to her and my only desire is to please my Goddess. My whole bring craves her and her approval.

      For her to have total control over my pain and my pleasure sets up a yen/yang situation where the opposites compliment each other and merge to where they both provide a balance that places me in total and complete submission to her, worshipping, craving, desiring, and fearing her all at once. Almost a nirvana type of state of balance.

      I am still trying to understand and quantify this dynamic, but thus far have made little progress, so I just accept it as truth and exist in the wonderful feeling of love and comfort it creates. Hope that isn't too metaphysical.

    11. I wonder, Miss E, if that sense of exhilaration you feel in beating your husband is one that may inspire him if he picks up on it. To please the one you love to such a degree is a rare privilege after all...

    12. I offer a tip from my wife to use or ignore as you choose. Insist that after you've finished he thanks you for your trouble!


    13. Donn, Blogger's spam algorithms are a mystery. I frequently find comments in the spam folder that were posted and live for weeks, then for some unknown reason Blogger retrospectively flagged them as spam. It also does seem to be quicker to flag some posters as potential spam, but it doesn't do it according to any discernible formula -- sometimes their comments are posted and sometimes they are diverted to spam, often within minutes of each other such that it doesn't seem like it would be an issue with different connections.

    14. Your comment just appeared for me Donn. I didn’t see it yesterday. The scientific reasoning behind spanking with the ganglian roots is fascinating. I never knew.

      Antonio, the way you described the feelings, sensations, and headspaces painted a beautiful picture and connection you share with your wife. I wonder if the residual anger/humiliation from a post o spanking is a common distinction for everyone who has experienced this form of punishment.

      Jay, Ive recently been more vocal to my husband expressing how much his willingness to be spanked, his obedience, his submission feed me. Im naturally a more reserved person when it comes to feelings and because this is such a vulnerable/intimate thing for me as it reveals my deepest self, then I consciously have to make the effort to open up and show him what he does for me.
      Also, great tip! I usually make him thank me.

    15. Miss E,

      Post orgasm spanking can be an extremely sexual idea to those who are aroused by authentic punishment. More fuel is added to the fire when the disciplinarian is the controlling force in seeing that this is the condition under which a spanking will be administered. It is a deliberate and conscious act to make punishment more realistic and difficult.

      It's a simple idea when the desire for discipline is a sexual desire. Fueled by the arousal, that gravitational pull is stronger than all the regret I am feeling about actually now submitting to the pain and humiliation of punishment. The sexual motivation is what draws moth to flame. Remove the motivation right before the punishment, and what remains to draw me in? At that moment there is only regret and a natural desire to run. Pain is just pain. Shame is just shame. Why go through with this?

      The attraction then must rely on something bigger than the moment, and it is still sexual. Intellectually, it is knowledge of the future reward. In that remembered moment, having gone through the fire, the reality of what happened will satisfy the desire that was temporarily masked in order to make it punishment.

    16. Miss E wrote: “I've recently been more vocal to my husband expressing how much his willingness to be spanked, his obedience, his submission feed me..”

      When my wife does this, especially during a spanking or just after, it unleashes a powerful drive in me to obey her and please her. If she does it at the “right” moment, it all almost feels like a whole-body orgasm –the desire to please her and hear her acknowledge it is very strong.

      My first disciplinarian was a former GF. She started grading me after a spanking based on how well I accepted it and cooperated with her. She used a paper log for a while, grading every spanking with a comment.

      Early on, she also made some disparaging remarks comparing my behavior under the hairbrush unfavorably. These comments actually triggered a competitive feeling in me because I remember thinking I was going to prove to her how well I could take a spanking. It's pretty amusing remembering it, but it may illustrate how much a man under discipline from his lover wants to please her and be praised for obedience.


    17. Miss E - I am very much enjoying and appreciating your comments here. My wife also loves to spank just for the joy of spanking - so spanking has been a regular occurrence in our home for the last 20 years or so, since we adopted the disciplinary wife lifestyle.

      In regard to post orgasm spankings - this is not something we ever practice. In fact, I recall reading about this practice in spanking stories even before I became a spanked husband, and thinking that surely this must be pure fiction and fantasy (and it had no appeal to me at all as a fantasy or otherwise!) - and then being quite surprised that during a discussion here on this forum to find out that apparently a number of those in that discussion had experienced an intentional post orgasm spanking. So apparently it is more common than I would have suspected.

      Although - I did receive a post orgasm spanking once very early on in disciplinary relationship - only because I did something to earn a spanking almost immediately after we had sex. And it was an absolutely miserable experience - much more so than I had even guessed it would be.

      One might argue that this makes it more of a "true discipline" spanking and perhaps for some it is, but for me (and I'm sure others as well) it also removes all the "buy in" for submitting to the spanking. Not that a "buy in" means that we are going to enjoy a long and hard paddling while it is happening (it is often said that the idea of a real disciplinary spanking can be erotic before or after a spanking - but not so much during the spanking) - but that we do appreciate the fact that we are being spanked for our own good and the good of our marriage. But the orgasm completely removes that (for me, at least) - and I would only be assuming the position out of a sense of obligation. I have discovered that I need about an hour after orgasm before that feeling passes. Thankfully, my wife does get this and gives me this limit - as she wants my complete buy in when she spanks me.
      Just another perspective - others mileage will vary. --al

    18. I've never had a post-orgasm spanking, and it's one of the few things aimed at ramping up severity that I've never seriously considered asking for.

    19. Do any of you find that the spanking feels less pre-orgasmic if she's made clear there will be no sex any time soon afterwards? Knowing sex is likely puts me in a different mindset.

    20. No sex after punishment is also a very stimulating idea for discipline fetishists. It definitely appeals to me. Like post-O spanking, it shows a deliberate intent on the disciplinarian's part to remove the sexual gratification from punishment, and thereby purify the entire notion of what is supposed to be happening. There is no completely getting around the messy paradox of a fetish for punishment, but there are methods that can better separate pain and pleasure.

      Of course, there is the concept and the realization. To me, the concept is exciting, however, the experience of punishment would possibly be too unappealing to engage in this way. It's one of those scenarios that requires a truly dominant partner who will push boundaries. No, I don't want it, but a very dedicated wife might realize that I can't get where I need to go without her providing the firm motivation. Certainly not for everyone, but that's what real dominance is.

    21. It gets complicated because there is the anticipation and the reality of the low-endorphin spanking. I mean, regardless of your kink, the anticipation must be incredible as you have sex or masturbate thinking you are deliberately causing yourself incredible imminent pain. Wow!

      Then, anticipation meeting reality. Perhaps it doesn't actually hurt that much, and you'd be disappointed, or relieved, since you've built it up in your mind.

      Then, the intriguing female-led aspect as you sublimate managing your varying expectations and emotions so that her control remains steady and her life smooth.

    22. Oh, and if it does hurt a lot, then that you have that memory creating a new dynamic the next time she wants to do it or threatens to do it.

  19. Sorry that was Jay again

  20. I was looking over the original post again, and had to stop and smile when I noted that one of the memes said "The more regular your spankings, the better your behavior". That has been one of my wife's favorite sayings for years. --al

  21. Dan, I posted this morning, but must have wound up in the spam folder

  22. I would say that we strive to take care of my discipline as soon as possible, but quite often that isn't feasible. I'm especially thinking of times when my offensive behavior is when we are with friends and family or out in public. Embarrassing my wife in those settings is probably the surest way I know to earn a spanking. We both know it's coming later, but that might not be until the next day. We haven't discussed a "not under the influence of alcohol" rule like I've heard Dan mention, but I guess it's just common sense with us. Never has a spanking threat, spoken or unspoken, been forgotten. My wife is a model of consistency in that respect.

    When the moment does arrive, I agree with Alan that there is an intense desire to please her through my compliance. This seems especially true when I've had time to think about whatever got us to that place. By then, I'm craving love and acceptance from my wife and hearing her praise me for taking my medicine without a fuss is a great motivator.

    1. "Embarrassing my wife in those settings is probably the surest way I know to earn a spanking."

      This wasn't a big issue for us until last year, when those kinds of incidents earned me two of the worst scoldings and spankings she's ever delivered.

      There are two aspects to my "not under the influence of alcohol" rule. First, it's a safety thing. I've had a bad injury to my tailbone, and it was an excruciating experience I never want to repeat. A misplaced swat with a hard instrument could do some real damage. Second, when under the influence, I don't think I would take the spanking or the message it is intended to deliver very seriously.

    2. We have similar rules for each of us regarding "intoxicants" before and during formal discipline and punishment sessions: NONE!

      Partly it is for safety reasons, as Dan noted. Partly, for me, it is to ensure that I am not receiving punishment while in any way "anesthetized" or otherwise removed from her intended severity. We have a somewhat similar policy for NSAIDS (Aspirin, Ibuprofen, etc.); they can interfere with sensation (during and after). Plus I already tend to bruise easily, and all NSAIDS at lower doses tend to "thin the blood" / increase bruising.

  23. Interesting discussion. Yep - embarrassing your disciplinary wife in public is a sure fire way to get yourself a good sound paddling when you get back home - if not before! I can speak on this from experience.

    And, yeah, drinking and spanking is never a good idea. One sees this advice in the general bdsm/kink world as well. Although, ironically our disciplinary wife lifestyle was launched when we both had a bit too much wine one evening when we had the house to ourself and started swapping fantasies. When I confessed to a "mild interest" in being spanked, she grabbed the ping pong paddle and obliged me - an event which very quickly led to her assuming the role of a disciplinary wife.

    We seldom have sex after spanking these days. There has never been sex after a serious punishment spanking, but occasionally there has been after the weekly maintenance spanking - more often in days gone by - when there was also some experimentation with other femdom practices (which still happens now and then, but not regularly). --al


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