The Club - Meeting 442 - More Strictness, DD and Real-Life, and Untimely Spankings

Men always remember a woman who caused them concern and uneasiness. - Coco Chanel

 

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couple’s Club.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are, or would like to be, in a Domestic Discipline relationship.

 

I hope you all had a great week.  Mine was OK, though our weather has been extremely rainy, which is putting a damper on some outside activities, like motorcycling.  

 

Speaking of which, the above meme popped up in an on-line motorcycle forum.  While it doesn’t have much relevance to our debates here about the prevalence of adult punishment spanking, perhaps its appearance in such a vanilla forum says something about the prevalence of FLR-like arrangements or, as KOJ has put it a few times recently, the prevalence of “pussy-whipped” husbands?  In any event, I thought it was pretty funny.

 

We had a good discussion last week. It sounds like, in general, many of us are on the receiving end of our wife's "business-like" demeanor.  Although I do sometimes think Anne should let her emotions rip sometimes, on the whole I think "business-like" reflects both of our preferences.  I even lean toward "abrupt."

 

 

It was an interesting week for me where DD is concerned.  Sometimes, I get in these moods where I want (or think I want) to experience a significant “crackdown” from Anne in terms of strictness, consistency, etc.  I talked to Anne about it after one of my spankings this week, and I think we both generally agree it should happen. But, we’ve had many such conversations over the years.  Though, I’ve come to appreciate that with DD, as with most things in life, timing is everything, and that can include the big-picture context.  For most of our DD relationship, we were both working and had kids around.  This is our first full year where neither of those limiting factors are in play anymore.  

 

Has that resulted in a sea change in terms of consistency, openness, etc.?  Not really, but KOJ’s experiences show how quickly that can change.  He has talked about how open, and downright bold, his wife became after retirement. Last week, I asked whether that was a gradual, iterative process or, rather, something more abrupt.  He responded:

 

“It was shockingly abrupt with my wife, with no explanation. She must have been thinking about it for a long time. She had been hiding her authority over me due to concern about both of our careers. I had no idea that she wanted to display her authority, or at least not hide it. But suddenly she was making the same demands and comments in public that she did in private. I was taken aback. Eventually we talked about it. She was her matter-of-fact self. "You'll just have to accept it like you do your spankings," she said.  I came to realize that power is more powerful the more people know about it!”

 

I admit, her statement--"You'll just have to accept it like you do your spankings,"--stirs something deep inside me.  I suspect that some of KOJ’s comments about how his wife became far more open, bold, and demanding after retirement struck a deep chord and led to some of this week’s introspection about what I really want from this lifestyle. 

 

The introspection also probably resulted, in part, from some old DWC materials I received from Aunt Kay’s husband, including Word versions of portions of the DWC website and some of the old pamphlets.  Most of it wasn’t anything I hadn’t seen before, but seeing it aggregated in one document gave me a few things to ponder, including:

 

·      Unsurprisingly, I tend to think of the DWC mostly in relation to corporal punishment.  But, I think I sometimes I forget just how much Kay stressed the wife’s “authority.” It’s true that she emphasized it mainly in the context of the wife having unchecked authority to determine the “why, how, and when” of punishment.  But, that is pretty sweeping in its own right, particularly with respect to the “why” element. And, it seems to be that she tilts pretty strongly toward the wife making more non-disciplinary decisions as well.

·      She stresses the “maternal” element in her management of her husband (“Jerry” for DWC purposes) and in the DWC philosophy as a whole, more than I sometimes remember. 

·      Her view of the extent of the wife's authority, and the extent to which it shouldn't be questioned once the couple decide to enter into a DWC arrangement, can include being pretty dismissive of the husband’s qualms or concerns.  While she clearly thinks communication is key and the husband and wife should try to get on the same page, there also is a real “if he doesn’t like it, too bad” element in there, very similar to KOJ’s wife’s “You’ll just have to accept it . . .” enforcement of her authority.

 

The combination of KOJ’s comments and the DWC materials was stimulating for sure but also kept me deeply aware that asking Anne to take over more and more could have ramifications that go far beyond getting spanked more often. 

 

For example, when I suggested that her taking more verbal control would probably augment the effect of her punishments, she was very, almost disturbingly, enthusiastic about it.  But, that’s also what I mean about timing being everything.  It’s not like we haven’t talked about her becoming more verbally dominant and controlling before, but this time something seemed to resonate for her with greater force.

 

There also were some minor developments on the “spanked more often” front this week.  As I said to someone here last week, we have talked about the benefits of making sure that each major offense gets a separate punishment, but the reality is most of the time they get lumped together. Or, there is an intention to deliver multiple spankings in the same week, but only one actually happens.  Unfortunately for my butt, that wasn’t the case this week.  In my most recent journal entry (which Anne insisted I do), I reported three separate offenses, though one was fairly minor.  That resulted in two hard spankings, separated by about five days, though her original plan was to do them with one or two days in-between.  So, real life did kind of get in the way, but this time not fully.  These circumstances suggested a couple of topics to explore this week.

 

The first involves the interplay between our DD goals and “real life.”  I feel like we talk quite a bit about how real-world factors—children, family obligations, work, travel, illnesses and injuries, to name a few—sometimes interfere with our goals or desires around more consistency, openness or strictness in the DD and FLR aspects of our relationships. 

 

But, what about the reverse? Does our DD lifestyle ever interfere with “real life” or cause us to adjust other plans?  A comment from Mark got me thinking more about this:

 

“I have to be careful when and how I discuss spanking with my wife as it can result in the offer "do you need a spanking"... cue the rabbit in headlights. I always need a spanking, but I certainly don't want one when it is imminent! Back to your quote - my last caning was especially hard (marks for a week) because one of the reasons for the punishment was for not using my words which is something that she has punished before. She thought that I was quiet on Saturday because I needed a spanking and didn't talk about it. Actually, I was quiet because I expected a spanking (because she had threatened it during the week and they often turn up when she has time on the weekend), and I was horny but damned if I was going to masturbate and then receive the spanking post orgasm!!!”

 

Have there been times I haven’t masturbated because I didn’t want to risk a post-orgasm spanking?  Probably, though honestly, I don’t masturbate very often.  There have, however, definitely been multiple times when I wanted sex but didn’t initiate it, because I knew I due for a spanking and I was afraid that bringing up sex would result in Anne saying, “Sure, but you have a spanking coming first. Go get ready.” 

 

Another, very non-sexual example, is working out.  There have been lots of times that I’ve delayed or skipped a leg day in the gym when I knew a spanking was coming, because I didn’t want the residual soreness of a hard glute workout to cause an upcoming spanking to be even more painful.

 

There have also been times that I skipped happy hours at work or adjusted scheduling social get-togethers because Anne had ordered that a spanking would happen that evening.

 

Another example might be things like doctor appointments and the desire to avoid inadvertent discovery. I don’t think I’ve ever changed one because I didn’t want to risk the doctor seeing a well-spanked bottom. But, I am overdue for a colonoscopy, and I might suggest to Anne a spanking hiatus in the week prior. 

 

How about you?  Are there times when you’ve had to adjust your “real world” commitments or routines because of an upcoming or recent spanking?  

 

The other issue I thought we might explore relates to timing and its interplay with certainty.  As I said, my second spanking this week was five days after the first one. That meant one of the underlying offenses was from almost three weeks ago.  We’ve talked a lot here about it being preferable for the punishment to come immediately after the offense, but I’m rethinking that bit.  A few weeks ago, Alan had this to say about delayed punishments:

 

“The other issue you raise is the length of time before discipline is no longer needed or appropriate. This taps into one of the purposes of punishment that we don’t discuss as often as we do deterrence and behavior modification. I am thinking of “retribution,” which is punishing simply because the person committed an offense where the suffering should be proportionate to the severity of the offense committed -- punishment for punishment’s sake aside from or absent any other purposes of the punishment –and no matter how long it has been since the offending behavior.”

 

It's a legitimate point.  And, maybe we shouldn’t be so quick to dismiss the corrective power of even a delayed punishment.  Yes, when training dogs, and children, it's important that consequences (positive or negative) follow quickly after the behavior we’re trying to reinforce or dissuade. Adult humans, however, are complex creatures with complex brains.  We can and do appreciate negative consequences on a longer time scale.

 

An untimely spanking may not be ideal, but neither is a lack of consistency. Certainty of punishment may be just as important as timeliness, right? 

 

Further, a lot of my need for discipline is tied to feelings of guilt or remorse and to a deep-seated need for accountability.  It is true that as more time passes between the offense and the punishment, I feel less and less need to be held accountable.  However, it’s also true that on some level, feeling remorse and wanting to be held accountable make the spanking easier to take.  Conversely, a long gap between the offense and punishment negates some of the emotional relief I get from being held accountable, which can make cooperating with the disciplinary process emotionally frustrating. But, that frustration itself reinforces my view of her power and authority, and it also serves as an ongoing reminder that I shouldn’t be quick to assume that I’ve gotten away with some bit of bad behavior.

 

I hope you all have a great week.