Saturday, April 2, 2016

The Forum - Vol. 131 - The Power of Words

Hello all. Welcome back to this week's meeting of the Disciplined Husband's Forum, our on-line gathering of men and women who are participating or interested in Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationships.  I hope you all had a great week.

This week's topic is about the power of words.  Specifically, those words or phrases that enter the lexicon of our spanking and FLR relationships and really get our attention.  Perhaps they signal that we have crossed a behavioral line.  Or let us know that a spanking session is about to begin and we should do something to prepare.  Or, maybe a word that is particularly good at bringing about control or submission or that functions as a clear assertion of authority.
"I'll give you something to cry about" seemed to be especially popular when I was growing up.  Today, one that is gaining a more prominent place in her FLR vocabulary is "Understood?"  As in, she directs me to do something or gives me some order or direction, and follows it with the question, "Understood?"  Making me answer seems to serve multiple purposes.  It makes it a lot harder for me to later claim confusion or forgetfulness as an excuse for non-performance.  It also makes me a participant in the humbling process, forcing me to openly and verbally acknowledge her authority.  It also serves as a simple and direct assertion of that authority.

Another one she uses relative frequently is, "Not as sorry as you are going to be," following some expression of remorse or regret on my part for some bad act.

"I'm sorry for not doing the dishes [for the third time this week.]"

"Not as sorry as you are going to be."

Powerful words that make it clear that the excuses are over and a trip to her "woodshed" is imminent.

So, what words or phrases spoken in the FLR context does the disciplinarian in your relationship use to assert her authority or signal a punishment is going to happen? What words or phrases get your attention or make you go weak in the knees?  Maybe something she uses in public to let you know what you are in for -- something with meaning for just the two of you?

Let's try to put together the biggest list that we can, which I will then post in the Tips & Methods section of the blog.  It will also give us something we can pass along to our disciplinarians as suggestions for ways to verbally assert and reinforce their authority or help us get into that more submissive space that fosters these kinds of relationships.

Have a good week and, if you are new to the blog, please drop by the Guestbook (see tab above) and tell us something about yourself.


  1. We might be out somewhere and she'll make an innocent statement " we will discuss this later ". To us it only means one thing. When we get home she has a certain tone when she says " bring me the paddle " that will make my knees buckle.

  2. Dan- Interesting idea, and this could be a good list! i have to say, your comment about "Understood?" where you wrote "forcing me to openly and verbally acknowledge her authority" really resonates here... that's it exactly!
    i have to admit, at a loss for words this early in the morning..must think back this week (or listen more closely!?) A couple:
    "....Now" - when i'm delaying things. When She say "now" it means NOW...or else! Really goes directly to my brain when She says this!
    "We can talk about this at home" - Out or at a restaurant, when She has had enough dialog from me on a topic. i know what to expect.
    "Okay...go upstairs and get the paddle" - Yep, this is when things stop (abruptly!), and i know there's a big change coming.

    Keep up the great work! (She added light "breast biting" to a session this week, but otherwise it's been pretty quiet!)


  3. i'll add this... oddly, just found it..."angry women" tumblr captions. A fair bit seem to fit this topic :D

  4. The look my wife gives is first, then she states "Young Man, we will talk later if company is present or out, if at home "Young Man" which means best get to the bedroom, be standing with hands on head when she comes in, pants and underpants off.

  5. Probably my favorite is "You have done it now" my wife will say "Go upstairs now, or "Wait until we get home", or "You are going to get it good" John

  6. I wish my wife would say more she usually just walks in the bedroom and locks the door. So one of two things is going to happen. Either way I get excited. But if she open the closet door I have to strip and put my hands on my knees.

  7. Dan
    Annie's favorite in front of others or the boys is to say in a super calm voice, "Why don't we discuss this
    at length, on Friday over dinner. Friday's our boys stay at my folks overnight, One night at dinner I made
    some crack that Annie was annoyed by. She got up from the table and went into the kitchen. My son tapped my arm and said "Guess you will be discussing this on friday over dinner."

  8. "I'll give you something to cry about" - was one that I too heard from my Mom as a small child.

    "And you're going to be even sorrier" is another one that I also heard often enough as a child - but undoubtedly even more often from my wife over the last dozen years or so, usually in the midst of a sound bottom blistering.

    "Conversation" is the public code word that has evolved for us. When she tells me that we will have a conversation about something later, we both know that I will in for a good sound paddling as soon as we get home.

    "Don't you recall our conversation about that just yesterday?" would mean "you know - you just got a sound spanking for that very thing yesterday - am I really going to have to paddle your bare ass again tonight for the exact same thing?" Susan actually enjoys making veiled references about our "conversations" as we socialize with family and friends - and does so quite often as she enjoys watching me squirm. Because although I know better (intellectually), it always feels like that those listening know exactly what she is talking about - and they all know that Susan is actually talking about that paddling I got last Friday...


    1. Thanks, al. I can see that being a very effective code word

  9. What I hear when we are home alone and Susan has decided that the time has come for me to drop my drawers in pretty straight forward:

    "Time to bring me the paddle" - delivered in that matter-of-fact, no-nonsense tone - even after years in the lifestyle, the order to bring her the implement that will soon be blistering my behind always brings on butterflies and weak knees. Of course - the actual sentencing is usually preceded by a brief explanation and reminder of what to expect: "I cannot believe you have embarrassed me in public yet again. I promise this is going to be ass blistering that you won't soon forget - you'll be lucky if you can sit down for the next week." (True story - and she delivered as promised).

    Or - "Now go cut me a switch" - even worse - and it actually has to be 3 stout switches, in case the first two should break.

    But all I can is say "Yes, ma'am" and do as I am told. There is never any point in trying to talk her out of it - and it is an absolute certainty that she will, in short order, set my ass on fire with whatever implement I am ordered to fetch (paddle, switch, strap). Her requirement is that I present the implement to her, and then respectfully ask for the spanking - which she promptly and very effectively delivers.

    Here are some specific applications that she has used on many occasions:

    When a discussion starts to turn into an argument, "Al, you're just not listening to me - now go fetch me the paddle, and we'll try to talk again later." (Note - we do have regular adult discussions about important matters where we both have input. And she is reasonable, and does not win by default on important matters. The problem is that if the discussion doesn't go my way, I start go get argumentative, talk over her, etc. That's what costs me a blistered behind).

    When the discussion suddenly becomes heated, and I start to lose my cool or raise my voice, she will say, "Time for a break. Take as long as you need to cool off, and then bring me the paddle when you're ready". (For those times when there may be real anger involved and it is best to delay the paddling - but she won't talk to me again until I bring her the paddle and take what's coming to me first. So much harder to bring her the paddle an hour or two later when I've had time to think about it, than when I am just ordered to fetch the paddle right then - as is usually the case).

    Before certain relatives arrive for a visit, "Our company should be here soon, dear. Time to bring me the paddle so we can make sure you remember to behave". (The "preventative maintenance" or "remember to be good" spanking. Not only does it subdue me emotionally, it leaves me sitting on a sore bottom for the event - a constant reminder of the message - and that I will get another later if I don't behave).

    Similarly if we are going to a potentially volatile gathering (certain relative and acquaintances) - "Almost time to leave, hon. Get me the paddle - time to remind you to be on your best behavior."

    (As time permits this week, I hope to add some more thoughts to the conversation).


    1. We haven't done "preventive spankings," but I do see how they could be really effective behavior changers.

  10. There was quite a bit of talk early in our marriage (about house rules, about the consequences for breaking them, about her choice of "tools", about my "aftermath" behavior, etc.), but, over the years "-and given that all such rules were understood, "body language" is usually sufficient: she will show up with her hairbrush (or the kitchen spoon) in hand, retrieve the martinet from its perch, fetch a maple switch from the crock where it has been soaking, etc. A snap of her fingers signals that I must lower my trousers and present my backside to the 'treatment' she has decided to deliver... Verbal exchanges while this goes on include her scolding, my begging -and, ultimately, my thanks and my humble promises of improved (future) behavior...

    1. My wife is enjoying this thread. She really like Dan's post about the use of the word "understood" - and she has already started employing it. And she also liked this idea as well - dropping my drawers at the snap of her fingers - I suspect that may also work its way in to our routine.

      I do relate to your post - I am required to respectfully ask for my spanking (after being told to bring the implement) - and then sincerely thank her when she is finished with me. As with you - and probably most of us - in between there is a lot of scolding, begging, and promising. --al

    2. Unlike you, al, I am not expected to "ask for my spanking" (she is the one who decides when it's needed). The only exception is when I am guilty of a "spankable" offence that she hasn't yet spotted (e.g. because she is away from home) - in which case I will quickly lower my pants and "assume the position" - i.e. kneeling, and bottomside up - the moment I hear her pulling up in the driveway... She needs no further explanation -other than figuring out what happened - and will then proceed with the "appropriate" response" (as she sees fit)

    3. "Asking for the spanking" is actually just a formality for adding to the humility of being spanked. Prior to that point, she has already sent me to fetch the paddle- most of the time. Occasionally, she will call me into a room where she will be waiting for me with the paddle - but I still have to ask for the spanking - and always thank her afterwards. I like your approach to confession - waiting in the position as she walks in the house! --al

    4. Being ordered to fetch the paddle (or, in our case, the martinet, the leather strap, the rattan cane, or the maple switch) doesn't add up to "asking for it": it means accepting her authority - just as it does when she picks a strurdy switch while we are out for a walk in the woods - or when she grabs the martinet or the hairbrsush she never fails to pack in her suitcase whenever we are are traveling - and may decide to use in a hotel room...

  11. My wife recently used "You're too smart for your britches, and those britches are coming down" And they did.

  12. Simply put, she says "Infraction" is all she needs to say and will say it anytime, anywhere in front of anyone.

  13. Since it's mostly my mouth that gets me in trouble, any tone or remark that Rosa doesn't care for gets a "really?" response in a way that lets me know I had better rephrase whatever I just said........unless it's already too late.

    As for 'catch phrases' Rosa is keen on "I'll take care of that". That's the phrase that let's me know I'm in trouble.

  14. The power of words! For me 'Strap', 'Strapping', 'leather Strap' are very strong reminders of who has control. The very mention of those words instantly bring back lifelong memories of being punished, being made to stand, wait, bend, bear - all at another's command. The strap almost uniquely has only one purpose - to inflict controlled pain in order to change behaviour.

    Of all the phrases the most powerful end with 'take you upstairs and pull your pants down' i.e 'Do you want me to ...' or 'One more word and I will ...'. Those words will stop me (and also send a nervous quiver like an electric shock through me. Then there are the threats when we are out 'You are going to get such a sore bottom when we get home'. And 'You just carry on with that cheeky attitude, just carry on...'

    Then we get into words that leave no doubt as to what is about to happen - We are going upstairs now as you DEFINITELY need a resetting' is a favourite (of hers.


  15. The most scary thing she can say is lose it when I present an erection before a spanking. She doesn't always do that and I don't always get erect before. But when she does I know I have to go into the bathroom and relive myself ( fast) and then report back to her . There is nothing sexy or fun about these spankings and sometimes I resent them.I know it would be worse if I disobeyed her so I do it. We have talked and I understand why she feels it is sometimes necessary but this is a part of discipline I could really do without.

  16. These are phrases or words I remember used to announce a spanking or begin a spanking. Some are used a lot, others occasionally or in the past.
    1. “Alan, who controls your bum”? This is a regular way to warn me when we are in private that I am “cruising”
    2. “Alan, that’s spankable”
    3. Making me say before a spanking, “I am a naughty boy who lacks self - control”
    4. “There are no limits on my authority to spank you, anytime, anyplace for any reason –got that”.
    5. “Alan, you have a naughty little boy inside you and when he comes out it’s my job to teach him how to behave”
    6. “You are going to be severely punished”. This almost always means she is very angry and one spanking probably will not settle it.
    7. Nonverbal: When we are out, she might put her hand firmly on my fully clothed bum and force eye contact without saying anything. It's all nonverbal but I know what has happened. She does something even more powerful alone when she forces eye contact while slowing lowering my pants. That one can literally make my legs tremble.
    8. If she brings up discipline when we are out, it depends on whether we are around people who we know or strangers. If we are with friends it might be something innocuous like “I thought we discussed that” (yesterday, or last week or last month) referring to the last time I was spanked ,something only the two of us know. But in public settings like restaurants, hotels or sporting events she is not so careful. Many times in a restaurant where she seems most unconcerned I have been told I would be spanked when we get home. I am sure waitresses have heard that. She also has a way of pointing a finger at me in a gesture vanilla’s might think was a sign of disapproval but almost always means a spanking
    9. Threatening to spank me in front of a witness: “Do I need to invite (her sister) over to discuss your behavior”. (Her sister has witnessed me being spanked several times. (Also regarding her sister. “Of course I will tell her if she asks what got you in trouble”, which is threatening to tell her sister she caught me masturbating.
    10. Aren’t you embarrassed (a successful professional) whose wife needs to take his pants down and spank him like a naughty little boy. What if they (co-workers) knew?
    11. . Making me repeat over and over short and simple phrases expressing submission or obedience while in the corner (or sometimes while getting spanked. (e.g. “I am being spanked for disobedience”
    12. Making me repeat back to her instructions she has issued or sometimes during a scolding repeating what I did wrong to get in trouble.

    13. “Alan I really don’t like spanking you “usually announced before a major spanking.

  17. You guys may enjoy this. This is an interview with a woman who discusses how "exhilarating" the language that goes along with spanking is:

  18. My wife likes to use phrases that emphasize the attention paid to my backside - and she will mix up the words that refer to my posterior - she sometimes will use ass or butt, but more often will use bottom or behind, or bare bottom or bare behind - so she might say "blister my behind" (blister or blistered are among her favorites) - or say that I will have my "bottom set on fire". She will use these phrases for a variety of purposes - to remind me to behave ("a threat" or "promise", if you will) - to tell me that I am going to be spanked - or during the course of spanking.

    Phrases that come up during a spanking - "and you are going to be much sorrier", "I bet you will be good - after I finish blistering your behind", "I sure hope you won't do it again - God help you if you do.", "Stop? (with increduality) Oh no, dear, we're just getting started?", "You really should be ashamed that I'm having to paddle your behind like this - will you ever grow up?" "Of course it hurts - you should have remembered that before misbehaving again". Phrases along those lines. -al

    1. Oh yes! "on fire" is VERY popular around here! (I don't know how I would have forgotten to mention that in my post?) The thing is, Rosa never says this one in a serious tone. It's always in a falsetto, almost musical tease. And "on fire" is typically used when she's either talking to someone else about me or to me in front of others. And it's typically said AFTER a spanking, as in....

      "so what did he do this time?" And Rosa will answer, "he ____________ and now his butt is on fiiii-iiiire."

  19. Dan

    Before I punish Peter I always say to him …

    “Down on all fours and dont get up until I see tears of remorse.’

    Often, if he is not breaking, I will add …

    “ I dot hear tears, does that mean you need the cane?”



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