The Forum - Vol. 118 - Rules

Hi all.  Sorry for the late start today.  I would love to attribute it to Christmas travel or something of that sort.  Or, just forgetfulness.  In an even worse display of a "senior moment," I sort of lost track of the day of the week.  Apparently, not working much throws off my entire sense of time, because I somehow got it into my head that today was Friday.  I didn't realize my error until I logged on to check for comments, and saw that Hermione had updated her weekly brunch, which happens on Saturdays.   Well, now I am thoroughly bummed knowing I have one less weekend day ahead of me than I thought!

Not having thought of any topics myself, I am going to take Fred's timely suggestion that we talk about rules.  Many of us in disciplinary relationships maintain some list of bad behaviors that are likely to earn a session with her (or his) paddle.  When we first began this DD journey, we tried to build in some formality, with a list of prohibited behaviors, which was accompanied by a presumptive minimum number of swats for each offense.  Over the years, some of the formality has dropped away.  Though, I'm not sure the number of rules, officially recognized or otherwise, has dropped much. In fact, this last year arguably included an increase, as she had never before punished me for things like not doing the dishes.

In Fred's comment, he included the following list of rules/infractions:

Must control temper(very serious if wife is recipient).
Demean or criticize wife (on golf course or in public -very serious)
Must be considerate.
Must be nice to wife's friends (including some I don't like)
Must not dominate conversations when with others
Must limit alcohol to two drinks when out.
Must not drive after drinking more than two drinks.
Must treat wife and other respectfully.
Must go to the gym at least twice each week.
Must not start smoking again.
Must not interrupt wife while talking on telephone.
Must do specific chores around the house.
Must listen to wife when she wants to talk to me.
Must not treat wife like a secretary.
Must not drive unsafely or too fast when with wife, family or friends.
Must never be critical of own children when with others.
Must not be overly negative or grumpy especially if it affects wife or others.
Behavioral indiscretions that I should know better than engage in.

Our list would be pretty similar, though perhaps a little more vague.  Things that will usually earn me a paddling include:

--  Too much alcohol (more than 2 or 3 drinks)
--  Showing her disrespect
--  Not doing various chores around the house.
--  Doing or saying something inconsiderate that hurts her or the kids' feelings

We talk about things like not working out regularly, and work-related behavior like losing my temper or getting into a quarrel with someone I shouldn't, as qualifying for a spanking.  In reality, however, those things never really seem to result in punishment independently, i.e. they are punished only as one more item on a list that includes something that has an immediate impact on her.

How about you? What rules govern your disciplinary relationship?  What are the big "no-no's" that land you on the Naughty List?

I hope you all had a great Christmas!  Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

Dan

Merry Christmas

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year..  I hope you all get what you need for Christmas, regardless of whether it is what you want.

Dan

The Forum -- Vol. 117 -- Labels

Hi all. Welcome to this week's edition of the Disciplined Husband's Forum, our weekly gathering of men and women who are practicing or curious about a Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationship.

I hope you all had a great week.  I can really feel 2015 winding down.  It has been one of the busiest, if not THE busiest year I have had in my adult life.  It has been a roller-coaster start to finish and, for the most part, that is really good.  But, in all honesty, I am not unhappy to feel the pace slow a little as the holidays come upon us.  I hope you all also have had a great year, and one of the highlights of mine has been the weekly conversations with you all.

In addition to the frenetic pace, 2015 was a year of transformation, both personally and in terms of my DD relationship.  As I have talked about a bit in past posts, we have been practicing DD for close to a decade, but the overall dynamic really didn't change much over that time.  Corporal punishment was used for offenses, but that was really the extent of the exchange of power and authority.  That changed this year, and it was really the result of this growing little community.  My interaction with commenters and bloggers who were in Female Led Relationships involving a more substantial transfer of authority got me interested in going down that path, and while we are not very far along it yet, there has been progress.

With this change in the underlying nature of our relationship and, to some extent, the focus of this blog, has come more interactions with people who are in more classical Dominance and submission relationships.  While what they are doing is similar to what we have always talked about on this blog, the vocabulary is a little different.  When describing the roles in DD, I have tended to use labels like Disciplinary Wives and Disciplined Husbands, and I still feel like the latter is a good descriptor for what I am.  But, I am increasingly engaging with people who use more D/s style labels.  Dominants.  Submissives.  Tops.  Bottoms.  TIHs.  Many of the "subordinate" parties, for lack of a better word, have adopted the label Submissive.  I'm not there yet, and part of me really rebels at that label, even though it is increasingly where I have chosen to try to take the relationship.

All this is very long-winded way of asking, what terms or labels do you use to describe your role?  Are you a Dom, a submissive, a Leader, a Disciplinary Wife or Disciplined Husband?  Also, do you have a name or title you use with your significant other?  Ma'am, Mistress -- something like that?

I hope you all have a very, very happy holiday!

Dan

The Forum - Vol. 116

Hi all. Welcome back to the Disciplined Husbands Forum.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are practicing or interested in domestic discipline or Female Led Relationships. 

It's good to be back.  Sorry for missing last week.  Things were a little hectic. They still are, but bad habits are often acquired through small lapses, so I know I can't let missing or delaying postings become a habit.  And, I would miss all of you.

I will begin this post with a confession of sorts.  We have been in a real lull where discipline is concerned.  It has been at least two months since my bottom was last warmed, and I wish I could represent that it was because my behavior has been pristine.  Hardly.  It has just been a crazy busy time for both of us.  One big impediment has been holiday parties and other social gatherings.  Seems like we have had a social engagement virtually every Saturday for weeks, and most of our discipline happens on the weekends.  With such socializing comes over-indulging (always an issue for me and the number one reason I get punished), so at exactly the moment I most need to be reined in, it is the least likely to happen.

So, this week's topic is those lulls or pauses in the disciplinary relationship.  Have you gone through one?  Did the issue eventually fix itself, or did you change something to get the process back on course?

One option I was mulling today.  We have always waited for the bad behavior to occur, then she would order a spanking to address it.  I was considering suggesting that we instead simply presume that I will be spanked on a pre-set day each week, and the only way it will not happen is if I have been well-behaved.  It would really turn our current system on its head, because I would really need to earn my way out of each weekly spanking.  Any thoughts on whether that would be a good thing to explore?

Have a great week!

Dan

The Forum -- The Floor is Open

Hi all.  Sorry for the short--or, more accurately, belated--notice on this, but I had something come up this weekend that deprived me of the chance to come up with what I'm sure would have been a mindblowingly novel and profound weekly topic.  Unfortunately, the entire weekend is going to be a mess.  So, for this week I pass the baton to you all.  If you have anything you would like to talk about, have at it.  I will respond if and when I can. Otherwise, I look forward to chatting with you again next week.

Dan