The Forum -- Vol. 111 -- Happy Halloween & Poll on Implements

Hello. Welcome back to the Disciplined Husbands Forum.  Our weekly gathering of men and women engaged or interested in F/m domestic discipline and female led relationships.  I hope you all had a great week.

As a preliminary matter, I hope you all have a sexy and fun Halloween.

But not TOO fun.

And maybe a little adult action after the trick-or-treating crowd is in bed.

Last week was one of those humbling experiences I get as a blogger two or three times a year.  A topic that I think is really interesting, and maybe even a little important in terms of helping budge the needle on helping women become more comfortable with assuming leadership at home, just kind of flops.   We got some good stuff at the end, but it was kind of like pulling teeth.  I'm still a little surprised we didn't get more discussion on the core question of whether being perceived as aggressive or bitchy holds women back from taking on a stronger and more powerful role, because I know for a fact this is an issue for many women who get into this lifestyle.  The reason I know it is some have mentioned in past posts, or in their own blogs, and some have contacted me off-line and talked about it.  Yet, the core issue just didn't seem to resonate with many.  Oh well.  That's one of the things I like about this weekly process -- some things work, some things don't, but even if the discussion doesn't always go exactly where I thought or hoped, it still was more fun and informative than most of the other things I did that week.

We also finished up another poll last week. This one on our favorite "implements of ass destruction"  phrased as "Spankings are most often with. . . ."  Here are the results:

Hand	47 (23%)
Hairbrush	60 (29%)
Bath brush	28 (13%)
Wooden paddle	82 (40%)
Leather strap or belt	52 (25%)
Rubber strap	6 (2%)
Other	35 (17%)

A few things of note.  First, the response rate on this one was really high.  While nowadays we often get 1,000 visitors a day, many don't take time to do the polls.  Response rates are usually around 100 people. This one drew over 200.

Second, I once again really blew it in constructing the poll, because I left out one really, really obvious choice: the cane.  It occurred to me shortly after I posted it, but some people had already voted, and the Blogger polling tool doesn't let you change the choices after someone has voted.  I suspect that a lot of caning enthusiasm is showing up in that 17% "other" category.

It does appear that the wooden paddle wins hands down as the implement of choice for our community, which gives me some hope that this blog is being visited by a lot of people who are truly into this as punishment, discipline and correction, as the wooden paddle is something I think of as a serious disciplinary tool.

I also learned, much to my disappointment, that I am one of only 6 people who are either the recipient or wielder of a rubber strap.  People are missing out, though for the men on the receiving end, that may be a good thing. We added multiple rubber straps to Angela's arsenal over the last year, and they are sooooooo much more painful than a comparable leather strap.

It is just an entirely  different and utterly more miserable experience than anything we have used before.

They carry all the force of a wooden paddle or bath brush (and then some), but without as much numbing.  The pain of the swat seems to sink in deeper and radiate. I truly, truly hate them with a passion.

So, tell us about your most and least favorite implements?  Do you have some you reserve for a spanking that you really want to convey a particularly painful lesson?   And, while you're at it, tell us if you have any special plans for Halloween.  I will be staying at home handing out candy. Boring.

As we go into high-gear with the presidential debate season, I've also posted a new poll, this one on political affiliations.  I note in advance that I probably won't have a discussion on this one beyond just noting the results, because I suspect that I'll lose half the readership in one fell swoop if we start talking politics.  Rather, it's just part of my ongoing attempt to figure out who comprises this community of ours.

Have a great weekend!

Dan

The Forum - Vol. 110 - Bitchiness

Hello. Welcome back to the Disciplined Husbands Forum.  Our weekly gathering of men and women engaged or interested in F/m domestic discipline and female led relationships.  I hope you all had a great week.

A few weeks ago, I was at happy hour with a group of junior executives of our company.  Happy hour being my much preferred format for mentoring.  A discussion ensued in which a couple of our higher potential female executives bemoaned the fact their male subordinates treated them with less respect than they showed to male superiors, including not doing their work in as timely a manner, reacting badly to constructive feedback, and not prioritizing their work assignments.  I asked what seemed to me to be a fairly logical follow-up question: "Why do you let them get away with it?  If you repeatedly let them treat you with disrespect, don't you share some of the blame for letting that power dynamic fester?"  An awkward silence followed.  So I pressed forward a bit, pointing out that it isn't like they don't have tools at their disposal to slap someone down if they are ignoring orders, not responding quickly, etc.  Pull them into your office for a stern lecture, don't put them on key projects, give them a lousy annual review, etc.  If these guys weren't showing appropriate respect to female superiors, then why weren't those superiors making them pay a price for it? After another uncomfortable silence, one of them offered up a very honest answer: "Because they will see me as a bitch and call me one when I'm not around."  To which I answered, "So?"  Another awkward silence, and a bewildered look on the collective faces around the table.  "Seriously," I said, "do you think that a male superior would put up with that shit? And, after that male superior slaps a subordinate down, do you think that subordinate doesn't call him a dick, or an asshole, or some similar derogatory word behind his back?"  They continued to insist it just isn't the same thing, and I continued to ask why, without getting much more than, "It just is."  It was one of those discussions where the perspectives of the people on opposing sides of the conversation were just so different that there plainly wasn't enough common ground for us to really get anywhere.  So, we dropped it and went back to talking about whatever.

So, the topic for this week is largely directed at our Disciplinary Wives, though the husbands can always jump in to the extent they know their wives' feelings on this:  Is the prospect of being seen as a "bitch" or being overly assertive an impediment to you taking on a DD or FLR leadership role?  Do you hold back in ordering discipline or in making decisions in your relationship because you are, deep down inside, concerned about being seen as "bitchy" or overly aggressive? Do you have those feelings even where he has told you he wants you to be more stern and strict?  I wonder about this from time to time, because I think it does have an impact on my own DD relationship.  Angela is candid that she does enjoy exercising power over me, yet she can't ever quite adopt it as her daily approach to me, even though I've told her that I too want her to be the one in control and want her to feel more free to exercise that power and control as she sees fit.  I really do think we are both on the same page about what we want, but I also think that deep inside, she lacks a certain comfort level with being perceived as strong and commanding.

I hope people find this one fun and that it triggers an honest exchange of views on things that can be done to help foster the kind of power exchange that many of us are looking for in these DD and FLR relationships.

By the way, you may note that for the first time in these posts, I gave my wife an actual name.  It's not her real name, but it just feels too distant and vague for me to always refer to her as a generic "my wife."  For whatever reason, the name Angela has always seemed like a power name to me.  So, for purposes of this blog, Angela she will be.

Have a great weekend!

Dan

The Forum - Vol. 109 - What is "Punishment"?

Hi all. Welcome back to the Disciplined Husbands Forum -- our weekly discusssion group for those practicing or interested in Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationships.

So, have you noticed that the name of this blog seems increasingly like a misnomer?  What began as a small group of like-minded men has really opened up lately, with a substantial jump in the number of Disciplinary Wives participating actively in the conversation.  It is a great trend, and we welcome them all.

Last week, one our anonymous commenters raised an interesting question that merits a full topic. We often talk about the differences between erotic spankings, maintenance spankings, and punishment spankings. But, I don't think we've ever really discussed what a punishment spanking consists of for each of you.  I'm sure that this varies tremendously from couple to couple as a result of all sorts of factors, including natural pain tolerance, experience and comfort level with delivering a truly hard spanking, and a host of other factors.  So, let's talk about what a punishment spanking really consists of for you.

I will kick this one off.  My wife does not do non-punishment spankings, so they are all very hard.  Typically, she will use somewhere between three and five implements, including a leather strap, a wooden "fraternity"-style paddle, a bath brush, a "loopy johnny" and, more recently, one or more really brutal rubber straps.  The number of swats varies, but usually no fewer than 30 per implement, and often double that.  When it is over, my bottom is swollen and red, with prominent bruising.  While that has been the condition of my bottom since virtually our very first disciplinary spanking, the intensity and number of the swats have increased substantially over the years.  When we first began, sixty or seventy swats seemed terrifying.  Today, that is just a warm up.  My bottom also doesn't bruise as easily as when we first started this journey.  Early on, any session with the wooden paddle would leave large, ugly bruises.  Now, the bruises are smaller and seem to fade faster.  Regarding duration, I've never timed one of our sessions.  While they seem agonizingly long at the time, I'm sure that in reality they last 10 minutes or less from first swat to last, though the ritual of getting ready, preparing the room, laying out her tools, undressing, etc. makes the entire event last around 20 to 30 minutes.  Mine do not end in tears, no matter how long or hard the spanking. So far, I just can't let go enough to get there.  I also do have a higher than normal pain tolerance, though I think the inability to cry is more a function of emotional resistance than pain tolerance.

So, that is what a punishment spanking is for us.  How about for you? What characterizes a "punishment" spanking specifically, in terms of severity, duration, number of swats, implements, etc. Please share!

Have a great weekend.

Dan

The Forum - Vol. 108 - Correcting Small Things

Hello all.  I hope you had a great week and, for those of you who get the benefit of the Columbus Day holiday, I hope you enjoy the three-day weekend.

This blog focuses on disciplinary spankings.  Last week we talked a little bit about where we are spanked.  This week, let's focus again on "for what"?  When we first began our disciplinary relationship, it was focused on addressing larger issues and things that had a tendency to piss her off in a big way.  Drinking too much.  Giving her attitude.  Those kinds of things.  Until recently, she didn't use disciplinary spankings to address "smaller" issues.  Like dropping the ball on household duties.  As she gets more assertive, that is changing.  A few weeks ago, she texted me a picture of some pans I had left on a stove, having failed to clean up completely after dinner.  She voiced her displeasure.  A few days later, she texted me a picture of a rice-cooker that I had forgotten to clean several nights before.  This time, the picture was accompanied by a terse statement that I would be spanked that night.  And, she carried through on the threat that night, giving me a very thorough butt blistering.

This seems like a small incident in some ways, but it really impacted me in a much deeper way. It was the first time that she had really taken me to task not for something related to some larger failure in personal discipline, but for something that simply dipleased her or failed to live up to a standard she expected.  While minor in the scheme of things, it seemed like a fundamental turning point in our relationship, and a huge advance in her growth as a Female Leader.

Another recent example.  A week ago, I stayed up late watching a movie.  I got up the next morning and left to run some errands.  While I was out, I got a very angry text:

"You left the refrigerator door open last night!  Everything in it is spoiled!"

I replied with a heartfelt, "I'm sorry."

"Not nearly as sorry as your are going to be!" was her response.

And, once again, she carried out her threat, leaving me sore for several days.  Now, this one was not really a failure to do a chore or some task, but it was a very stern warning to pay attention or there would be consequences. 

So, how about you?  Are you spanked for simple screw-ups, like forgetting to do a household chore, or because some lack of attention or diligence lost some ? If not, do think that is something you would like to explore?

I also wanted to take a few minutes to thank some of our new commenters, including John, Ed, Carl, Dave and others. And, especially our new Disciplinary Wife contributors, including Dan and Holly.  Hope I didn't miss anyone.  Thanks to you all for your contributions, and welcome to our little club.

The Forum -- Vol. 7 -- Poll: Where do Your Spankings Happen

Hi all.  Welcome back to the Disciplined Husbands Forum, our weekly discussion group of topics near and dear to the hearts of those practicing or interested in Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationships.  I hope you all had a great week and have a fun and relaxing weekend ahead.  Doesn't everything just feel better now that football season is back in swing?

One of our polls closed last week.  It asked where most of your disciplinary spankings occur.  We got 123 responses, which is about average for our polls, whcih I usually leave up for about three weeks.  Here are the results:

Bedroom	87 (70%)
Basement	6 (4%)
Living/family room	20 (16%)
Kitchen	5 (4%)
Other	5 (4%)

Not unexpectedly, the bedroom won this one decisively.

 The living room/family room came in a distant second.

The kitchen got a handful of votes.

I neglected to ask about the bathroom, which is another obvious candidate.

 Or for those lucky few, something earthier, like a barn or woodshed.

 

For us, it's the basement.  For most of our DD relationship, we have had kids in the home. The layout of the house makes bedroom spankings less than ideal, as they can be easily overheard through a door or a wall.  Fortunately, our current house has a small storage room in the basement, which we have converted to a makeshift discipline room.  It is barely large enough to serve the purpose, but we've made it work. It is currently in a cluttered state, but over time I would like to make it a bit more ornate and formal, to suit the seriousness of the disciplinary instruction that she delivers there.

So, tell us all about where you get spanked the most, and why that particular room or place was chosen.

Have a great weekend!