The Forum - Vol. 103 - How Did You Learn About DD

Hi all.  Welcome back to the Disciplined Husbands Forum -- our weekly gathering of individuals and couples who are involved or interested in domestic discipine and female-led relationships.

I hope you had a great week.  Mine was a little busy, which caused me to get behind in responding to comments on the last topic.  I apologize for not getting to them sooner and for not responding in greater length to some of them.  Just another one of those times when worked had to take precedence over other, more pleasant, activities.  Anyway, I hope you all had a good week.

This week's topic extended from one FLR/DD wife's account of an incident with her husband that set the stage for their FLR relationship.  I won't go into any details, because they are hers to share or not share, but the short version is he did something that made her so upset that she finally just blew up and took over.   It recently occurred to me that, while I knew the details of the incident itself and that it caused her to start seriously exploring an FLR, I didn't actually know how the two came to be connected in her mind.  In other words, what was it that caused her to link the problems in the relationship with the solution of FLR and DD. 

At an even simpler level, what I am asking is, how did you first learn of DD and FLR as possible tools to use in a relationship, or as possible lifestyle choices?   I recognize that I ask this coming from the minority perspective of someone who did not have a pre-existing obsession with spanking that later naturally extended into DD, and I definitely had never heard of the concept of DD until well into my 30s.  Had I not seen some reference to the Disciplinary Wives Club, I'm not sure I would have ever come to know the concept even existed.  So, for me, the progression went in short order from not thinking at all about adult spanking, to seeing an episode of Real Sex on HBO that focused on erotic spanking and that caused some reaction in me and led to a short and fairly unfulfilling period of experimentationwith erotic spanking, to finding the DWC and becoming very fixated on the whole concept. And, were my wife to answer this question, she would say she heard about DD from me after I found the DWC website and very tentatively asked her to look at it.

So, how did you first learn about DD and FLR as lifestyle concepts?  The internet?  If so, was there a particular website?  Maybe read about in an erotic magazine or book?  Knew a friend in the lifestyle?  Had a dramatic blow up fight with your spouse and one of you somehow came up with the idea of using spanking to fix the situation?

I hope you all have a great weekend.  Also, please note that I posted a new poll that seeks to test the frequency of spanking, and I also re-started the poll that seeks information on whether our readers are in an active DD relationship.

The Forum - Vol. 102 - Fetish

Hi all.  Welcome back to the Forum -- our weekly discussion group on Domestic Discipline and Female Led Relationships.  I hope you all had a great week.

This week's topic extends from one of last week's comments,  it's probably something we have covered a bit before.  Unfortunately after two and a half years of blogging about a single overarching theme, it's getting increasingly hard to think of a truly original topic.  But, let's give this one a try and see if, given all the new contributors, we can do something different with it.

This week's question is, to what extent is your domestic discipline or FLR relationship motivated by a fetish for spanking?  Is spanking a tool you use to serve the higher purpose of imposing discipline and correcting bad behavior, or is all the talk of a higher purpose really just a gloss imposed on what is really a deep seated need for a good bottom warming?

I do reject the notion that I personally have a spanking fetish per se, at least to the extent that a fetish typically involves some long-standing compulsion or interest.  I realize I seem to be an exception, but I really don't think I ever once thought about adult spankings, whether erotic or disciplinary, until I was in my late thirties.  I'm very confident that I didn't have a fetish for F/m domestic discipline, as I had never even heard of the concept until I saw a reference to the Disciplinary Wives Club.  Now, I do admit that I found that reference while looking for spanking-related material, but we had only recently began incorporating some playful spanking into our erotic relationship and it was really just something to spice things up.

So, how much of your interest in domestic discipline is really motivated by a desire to be spanked, versus a need to be subject to other authority, a desire to be led by your wife, or some other factor?

Have a great week.

The Forum - Vol. 101 - Maintenance Spankings

Hi all.  Happy Saturday.  I hope you had a great week.  Welcome back to the Forum -- our weekly gathering of men and women practicing or interested in domestic discipline and female led relationships.

We had a nice good discussion brewing at the end of hte last topic.  It's one I want to follow up on at some point, though it hasn't quite gelled into a topic in mind yet.  Something about the responsibilities of leadership or learning to be a leader.  Anyway, I'll let that one marinate for awhile.

In the meantime, let's talk about maintnance spankings.  I'll define them loosely as spankings that serve some disciplinary functin, line reinforcing the respective roles, but aren't to punish or correct specific behavior.  But, that is just my definition.  Do maintenannce spankings play a role in your relationship?  What are the positives and negatives?

I will lead off by saying we don't use them, at least intentionally.  I've always been concerned that they would send a mixed message, transforming a spanking that for us is supposed to be about punishg behavior, into something else. Now, there sometimes is such a delay between the act and retribution that the spanking feels more like maintenance than correcting a specific offense, but we're working on that.

So, tell us about your experiences or thoughts on maintenance spankings.  And have a great week.

Dan

The Forum - Vol. 100 - Advice to Aspiring DD/FLR Couples

Happy Saturday to you all.  It is hard to believe, but this is the 100th edition of our little weekly get-togethers!  As of this morning, wrapped up in that number are 2,528 individual comments (though probably 1/3 of those are my responses) and 652,009 pageviews. Quite a growth path, given that when I look back at the first few months of its existence, it was not uncommon for weekly topics to draw one or two comments at most, and sometimes none.  Anyway, thank you all for helping make this a place where some very interesting people come to spend a few minutes each week. 

When I started this blog, I was not at all sure what I wanted it to be.  The most heartening feedback I have gotten is when someone has described this as a "relationship" blog.  It's great that it has developed that way, because it wasn't really what I was thinking when I started it.  As the title reflects, I initially saw it as a place for some disciplined husbands to get together and talk about, well, being disciplined husbands.  It has obviously grown both wider and deeper.  As my own relationship has gone from pretty straight DD to something incorporating more aspects of a broader Female Led Relationship, I've tried to expand the blog topics accordingly, while also trying to maintain some focus on that subset of FLR relationships that use corporaral punishment and other disciplinary tools to foster her leadership and his submission to her authority.  It also has expanded to include several regular Disciplinary Wife contributors, and some of them have, in turn, brought their husbands into the conversation. Or vice versa.  So, what began as a forum for a few disciplined men has expanded into something a little more.  Something that hopefully faciliates an exchange of experiences and ideas among disciplinary couples.

Now that I've gone all self-important and pretentious--  :-) --let's get to the real source of this blog's success, namely the experiences of our disciplinary husbands and wives.  In honor of the 100th iteration of this participatory forum, I want to ask everyone to contribute to our community in this way:  If you could give one piece of advice to other couples who are exploring a DD or FLR relationship, what would it be?  Conversely, if you are interested in having such a relationship or just getting started in one, what is the one question that is most on your mind and that our forum participants might be able to help with?

I hope you all have a great week!

Dan

The Forum - Vo. 99 - Apps & Other Tools

Hello everyone.  Happy Saturday, and welcome back to the Forum.  I hope you had a great week. 

Particpatory spanking blogs like this one often host topics relatedt to implements and tools.  The discussion almost always centers on those tools that are applied directly to our upturned bottoms.  This week, let's talk about tools of a different sort.  Tools that facilitate our DD and FLR relationships in a slightly more indirect way.  Let's talk instead about the various apps, programs, communucation tools, etc. that our wives can and do use to control or monitor us, and other such DD and FLR facilitators.

I will kick things off with a couple of apps we use.  The first is a very simple little calendaring app called Streaks.  From its App Store description: "Streaks is a motivational calendar application.  It is a simple tool for fracking the consecutive days it takes to reach a certain goal.  For each day that you accomplish your task, you mark it on the Streaks calendar, motivating yourself to keep the streak going."  I use it to enter some self-improvement goal I want to accomplish or, in the DD and FLR context, some rule we have agreed to.  Like "No Excessive Alcohol" or "Daily Exercise."  Every day I check off whether I accomplished it or blew it, and I can show her the status at preset times or whenever she demands.

Another app we started experimenting with recently is called Chorma.  It is described as: "Chorma is an easy and fun way to organize chores with your partner, kids or roommates. Chorma synchronizes between devices, so it's easy to cooridnate who does what . . ."  We have just started to play with this, but it seems to be a great tool for any Head of Household, as it is basically a chore assigning tool that can sync across multiple devices.  When installed on multiple phones used by household members, it allows the administrator to assign tasks to each person, and they must check things off the list as they are done.

One other tool we use is an electronic journal.  We had experimented with paper journals tracking my behavior, etc., but there was a two-fold problem. First, they could easily be discovered and read if left around the house.  Second, the logistics fo exchanging them were not always ideal or convenient.  They also didn't work well given my business travel schedule, which made daily updates virtually impossilbe.   The solution we struck upon that seems to be working pretty well is I keep the journal as a password-protected word processing file, which I then send to her via a daily text message.  If I were ever to accidentally send the text to the wrong person, they wouldn't be able to open it without knowing the password.  Same with prying eyes looking at her phone or tablet -- unless she leaves the document open, all anyone can see is a blandly named, password protected file.

So, how about the rest of you?  Are there any similar apps and tools that you use to facilitate your DD or FLR relationship?

Have a great weekend.

Dan