Hello all. I hope you had a great week. Last week's question provoked some great responses that entailed some reality testing regarding the extent to which each of us is really willing to take on a 24x7 Domestic Discipline role, whether as the giver of discipline or the receiver. This week, I underwent a bit of unexpected reality testing of my own regarding the extent to which I am really ready for a full-on Female-Led Marriage, including in the context of being directed or led, but without spanking involved.
How am I reacting? It's mixed. Part of me is elated that she is stepping up into a role that we have talked about and talked about and talked about. But, when she is actually bossing me around and I have to drop what I am doing to serve her, I resent it to my core. I have always had such deeply ingrained anti-authoritarian tendencies--to the point that one could truthfully call it my defining characteristic--it is just really, really hard for me to take orders from another person without bristling. I've learned to do it a bit in the work world (but only enough to avoid getting summarily fired), but to be subjected to someone's orders at home is a new experience.
Well, at least, it is a new experience when it is happening as part of our daily interactions, as opposed to when she is informing me that I am going to be punished or when we are in the middle of a punishment session.
Which brings me to this week's question: Would you still be into the idea of a Female-Led domestic discipline relationship if it did not involve spanking? What if the spanking aspect were wholly removed and it was, instead, just about living under someone else's direction or control? Or, for our Disciplinary Wives, is the spanking element of your DD relationship a necessary part of it for you, or would you be OK with the relationship if you got to exercise control over your mate but spanking was not part of the picture?
I hope you all have a great weekend. As always, take a moment to leave a comment in the Guestbook or contribute something to the User Stories.
Dan
Saturday, June 28, 2014
Friday, June 20, 2014
Question of the Week #49 - And Re-Opened Poll
Happy Friday to everyone. I am not going to be close to a computer for most of the day tomorrow, so I decided to get an early start on this week's question. Before we get to it, however, I wanted to point out the poll on the right side of this blog page. I put it up some time ago, but Blogger's poll gadget was not working for the last several weeks. It now appears to be working again, so please take a couple of seconds to tell us your status.
This week's question is a bit of a reaction to one of the comments on last week's question. One of our readers had commented that his wife spanks him after he has an orgasm, as it takes the "fun" element out of the spanking. I quipped that we have not done that, and I really don't want to, as I want to be disciplined, but perhaps not that much. Another commenter then observed: "Dan to say you want to be really disciplined .. but not that much doesnt show to me at least, that you are ready to hand over control or even have controlled seized from you."
For the most part, I disagree with that comment, but it depends a bit on what the commenter means by "ready" to hand over control. I am ready in terms of knowing that I do want to give up control. And, if my wife would simply seize it from me -- even better. But, that doesn't mean that I find giving up control to be easy. Not in the slightest. And, for us, that is kind of the point. I am a naturally controlling personality, and my intensity level is pretty high. But, I know I would be a happier, better adjusted person if I could learn to temper my controlling nature. And, that is why I was so fascinated by domestic discipline when I first stumbled across the concept. Fascinated, but also truly terrified at the thought of giving up control in that way. Particularly when I read stories about men crying from their wife's spanking. Sobbing during a spanking would, in my view, be the ultimate act of surrendering to my wife's authority. But, the fact that it still has not happened is some indication that I have not fully surrendered.
So, I am "ready" to hand over control, in terms of I do want to do it, but I also recognize that it is a work in progress, and part of me really resists it. And, I find the non-spanking elements of a DD or FLR relationship the hardest part. My wife and I have talked a lot about her being more dominant outside the context of a punishment session. Really taking control 24/7, bossing me around more, telling me exactly what she wants me to do, etc. And, we've talked about trying non-spanking punishments, such as grounding me for bad behavior. I do believe that our relationship will go in that direction over time, but I also find it very, very hard to submit to it now. When she does order me to something, I resent it and always feel myself wanting to rebel. At those times, my commitment to DD is shaky.
So, that is my question for those who are in a DD or FLR relationship: Does it ever just seem too hard sometimes? Do you ever regret adopting a DD or FLR lifestyle. Or, on the other hand, is submission something that you find natural and easy? Also, I've asked this before, but I still want to get more answers: If your partner did not start out as the dominant, controlling party, how did she grow into that role, and were there particular things you did to reinforce it?
I hope you all have a great weekend.
Dan
This week's question is a bit of a reaction to one of the comments on last week's question. One of our readers had commented that his wife spanks him after he has an orgasm, as it takes the "fun" element out of the spanking. I quipped that we have not done that, and I really don't want to, as I want to be disciplined, but perhaps not that much. Another commenter then observed: "Dan to say you want to be really disciplined .. but not that much doesnt show to me at least, that you are ready to hand over control or even have controlled seized from you."
For the most part, I disagree with that comment, but it depends a bit on what the commenter means by "ready" to hand over control. I am ready in terms of knowing that I do want to give up control. And, if my wife would simply seize it from me -- even better. But, that doesn't mean that I find giving up control to be easy. Not in the slightest. And, for us, that is kind of the point. I am a naturally controlling personality, and my intensity level is pretty high. But, I know I would be a happier, better adjusted person if I could learn to temper my controlling nature. And, that is why I was so fascinated by domestic discipline when I first stumbled across the concept. Fascinated, but also truly terrified at the thought of giving up control in that way. Particularly when I read stories about men crying from their wife's spanking. Sobbing during a spanking would, in my view, be the ultimate act of surrendering to my wife's authority. But, the fact that it still has not happened is some indication that I have not fully surrendered.
So, I am "ready" to hand over control, in terms of I do want to do it, but I also recognize that it is a work in progress, and part of me really resists it. And, I find the non-spanking elements of a DD or FLR relationship the hardest part. My wife and I have talked a lot about her being more dominant outside the context of a punishment session. Really taking control 24/7, bossing me around more, telling me exactly what she wants me to do, etc. And, we've talked about trying non-spanking punishments, such as grounding me for bad behavior. I do believe that our relationship will go in that direction over time, but I also find it very, very hard to submit to it now. When she does order me to something, I resent it and always feel myself wanting to rebel. At those times, my commitment to DD is shaky.
So, that is my question for those who are in a DD or FLR relationship: Does it ever just seem too hard sometimes? Do you ever regret adopting a DD or FLR lifestyle. Or, on the other hand, is submission something that you find natural and easy? Also, I've asked this before, but I still want to get more answers: If your partner did not start out as the dominant, controlling party, how did she grow into that role, and were there particular things you did to reinforce it?
I hope you all have a great weekend.
Dan
Saturday, June 14, 2014
The Forum Question of the Week #48
Hi all. Welcome back.
Confession time here at the Forum. As is often the case, I come into this weekend tired and in recovery mode. My job requires a lot of traveling, and a lot of socializing with customers and others. And, when I'm not out with customers, there are the constant temptations to go out to discuss something with a colleague, over a drink. Or a junior member of the team wants career advice, over a drink. Or we got a major victory and everyone wants to celebrate, over a drink. The net result is that most weeks, I hit Saturday and, instead of being able to really enjoy it, I'm trying to recover enough energy such that I can start the whole cycle over again on Monday.
I bring this up in the context of our domestic discipline situation. My tendency to let the workplace alcohol consumption, the late nights, and the intensity of the job get out of hand were some of the reasons we started down this DD path in the first place. Yet, while we've made progress, ten years down the line the original problems still have not been fixed. While I have to take 90% of the responsibility, I will place the remaining 10% on one factor: lack of consistency in our FLR and DD activities. We have never quite gotten to where my wife really is exercising her power over me 24/7, fully embracing it and making me submit to her wishes, including her wish that I stop some of the unhealthy habits and pull back on the frenetic pace. And, a lot of my bad behavior goes unpunished, often because our lives are so busy and there are kid and other distractions.
So, this week's question is really two related questions, one of which appeared recently over on Hermione's Heart. First, have you had times when bad behavior went unpunished, and you knew you really needed a spanking, but it didn't happen? Did you do anything about it? How does it make you feel and impact your FLR or DD relationship? Second, for those of you who have made that jump to a real, consistent FLR relationship, where the wife exercise firm, consistent control, how did you get there? On the latter question, I would love to hear from some our DD wives on how they made the mental leap into the full-blown leader in the relationship.
Have a great week.
Dan
Confession time here at the Forum. As is often the case, I come into this weekend tired and in recovery mode. My job requires a lot of traveling, and a lot of socializing with customers and others. And, when I'm not out with customers, there are the constant temptations to go out to discuss something with a colleague, over a drink. Or a junior member of the team wants career advice, over a drink. Or we got a major victory and everyone wants to celebrate, over a drink. The net result is that most weeks, I hit Saturday and, instead of being able to really enjoy it, I'm trying to recover enough energy such that I can start the whole cycle over again on Monday.
I bring this up in the context of our domestic discipline situation. My tendency to let the workplace alcohol consumption, the late nights, and the intensity of the job get out of hand were some of the reasons we started down this DD path in the first place. Yet, while we've made progress, ten years down the line the original problems still have not been fixed. While I have to take 90% of the responsibility, I will place the remaining 10% on one factor: lack of consistency in our FLR and DD activities. We have never quite gotten to where my wife really is exercising her power over me 24/7, fully embracing it and making me submit to her wishes, including her wish that I stop some of the unhealthy habits and pull back on the frenetic pace. And, a lot of my bad behavior goes unpunished, often because our lives are so busy and there are kid and other distractions.
So, this week's question is really two related questions, one of which appeared recently over on Hermione's Heart. First, have you had times when bad behavior went unpunished, and you knew you really needed a spanking, but it didn't happen? Did you do anything about it? How does it make you feel and impact your FLR or DD relationship? Second, for those of you who have made that jump to a real, consistent FLR relationship, where the wife exercise firm, consistent control, how did you get there? On the latter question, I would love to hear from some our DD wives on how they made the mental leap into the full-blown leader in the relationship.
Have a great week.
Dan
Saturday, June 7, 2014
The Forum Question of the Weel #48
Hi all. Welcome back. I hope you had a good week. Let's keep this week's topic both timely and simple: Tell us about the last spanking you received or gave. What did you do (if anything) to deserve it? Where did it happen? What implements were used?
So, share with our little group: What was your last spanking encounter, whether on the giving or receiving end? I may move some comments to the User Stories tab, which is still pretty light on content, so please let me know if you would prefer I not do that.
And, as always, please take a moment to fill in the Guestbook.
So, share with our little group: What was your last spanking encounter, whether on the giving or receiving end? I may move some comments to the User Stories tab, which is still pretty light on content, so please let me know if you would prefer I not do that.
And, as always, please take a moment to fill in the Guestbook.
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