Saturday, April 22, 2017

The Forum - Vol. 203 - Spanking in Anger

 Know what? Bitches get stuff done. - Tina Fey

Hello all. Welcome back to the Forum. Our weekly gathering of me and women who are participating or interested in Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationships.  I hope you had a great week.

I find myself pretty tired at the end of mine.  Work has been insane, my sleep patterns are once again all out of whack, and here I am on a Saturday morning, awake at an insanely early hour for no reason. Spankings aren't really stress relievers for me, but right now I kind of wish they were.  This morning's insomnia resulted from residual anger about something that happened at work yesterday, which leads me to this week's topic.

In the last couple of weeks there have been some comments about anger, i.e. do or should our Disciplinary Wives spank in anger.  Marisa extended it a little and talked about being bitchy during a spanking, hence the quote above, which I've posted before but it's one that's worth repeating.  Merry, on the other hand, says she never spanks in anger.

My wife is somewhere in the middle.  She rarely spanks in the heat of the moment, but on some occasions her frustration is still pretty palpable as she swings her paddle or strap.

Personally, I like it when my wife displays emotion before or during a spanking.  I think it is part of her learning to express her emotions and gain the confidence to say what she means.  I want her to know that it is OK to hurt not just my bottom but my feelings, because it may be that the reason I am bent over getting by bottom strapped or paddled is because I hurt hers.  During our last spanking, she lectured me while I was facing away from her, and I think that gave her the freedom to cut loose a little more than usual, and that in turn helped me get into a more submissive mindset.  Also, my ego is pretty strong, and I need more than just a cold, clinical application of the paddle to break down my defenses and really accept accountability. It also helps me to accept her authority if she is expressing herself like she really is in charge.  So, while I do understand the need for making sure that anger is under control in order to avoid things going far, I am fine with the anger being present and openly expressed.

How about you? Do you prefer "all business," or are displays of anger and emotion something that helps establish your roles or help you get to the emotional state  you need.

 I hope you have a great week.  If you are new to this Forum, please go to the Guestbook (tab above) and take a moment to tell us about yourself and your Domestic Discipline or FLR relationship or aspirations.

Speaking of the Guestbook, please take a moment to read the very thoughtful and engaging comments from our new Forum participant, Tina.


 


40 comments:

  1. When she's angry it definitely hurts more. The usual thing is that she will award swats for offences throughout the week, and then one day per week she will give me the swats that have built up. But if she is really upset and the situation lends itself to it she will tell me to go and bend over and wait for her - and those spankings are always harder/longer. I will get more of a lecture with the normal spankings, but with the angry soankings it is the brush that does the talking...

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  2. It's a combination here. Dev doesn't usually spank when angry but she really hates it when I talk " ghetto". I do it just to irritate her and recently she started the spanking immediatly when she was mad. She said she was tired of being upset for hours. It's fast, hard and very painful. Other times it's different. I'm told to bring her the paddle. As I stand there she explains why. Once I'm in position the lecture begins. I feel horrible for upsetting or hurting her and think the lecture is sometimes worse than the spanking. We've heard the term " you're going to get a good spanking ". A " good" spanking doesn't mean it has to brutally hard. When the time is right and there is a valid reason the two parties connect on a psychological , emotional and physical level before , during and after the event. At the conclusion when everyone's needs are met. I would call that " a good spanking "

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    1. Hi Jr. That seems to be a real milestone experience for Disciplinary Wives. That day the figure out that DD is a tool they can use to avoid staying upset for hours or days.

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  3. My Wife is like your wife, she rarely spanks when she is angry or in the heat of the moment. There are times though, and depending on the nature of the infraction, that the spanking significantly more than other times. I have yet to realize what the level of pain would be for a really serious infraction like unauthorized masturbation and ejaculation. I have often wondered (and have asked her) what the spanking would be like if was unable to prevent ejaculation and orgasm when are having sex. Her answer is standard .... "you don't want to know".

    I enjoy the "all business" aspect of accepting the consequences for my behavior, but I also enjoy the variety and unknown that comes from does of emotion and anger. How's that for not answering the question directly? *smile

    Have a great week too!

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    1. Hi Sub Hub. Nothing wrong with saying "yes" to everything!

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  4. Rosa, like anyone I suppose, does tend to hit a little more emphatically when upset. Since we are both serious about this, doing so at certain times just seems to make sense. I also find that knowing she is that upset has an almost equal effect as the added sting. I don't like having been the cause of something that upsets her to that degree.

    Most of the time my punishments are more of an equation of justice and are not loaded with the extra emotion........but that works too. I don't think I'd want EVERY punishment to be mere methodical justice, but neither would I want every one to be a major, mutual, emotional catharsis. Besides , if every punishment was THAT serious, I'd think our relationship would be in trouble.

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    1. Yes, I suspect that the emotional catharsis thing is something best experienced in isolated doses.

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  5. I keep it strictly business. I schedule weekly behaviour check-ins when I review my husbands journal and sternly administer an appropriate amount of CP. I do not allow any affection prior or soon after a discipline session. I use discipline to correct behaviours that I do not like and to get the best results I display disappointment, rather than anger.

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    1. Thanks, Blaze. I am sure that in many ways disappointment is even more effective than anger at bringing about real remorse

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  6. I don't know if this is speaking to anger as much as ....the impact (no pun intended) of her getting to the stage of addressing things "in the heat of the moment". I think that is actually a bit of a milestone that also carries a degree of a psychological impact as well. Once she gets to the point of addressing your behavior on the spot, it is that clear sign that her disciplining you has become a natural and genuine aspect of your lives and relationship. It clearly demonstrates how engrained discipline has become in her mindset. It shows that it is now her reflexive response to your behavior and how it is to be handled. It's no longer as much of a mental after thought to her initial reaction to what you did. The processing and deliberation of..."ok.....i'm not happy with that and come to think of it i feel that is something he should be punished for"...then circling back to him. It's when you get to the stage that she yanks those pants down and turns your butt RED at the time of the offense (or the moment she becomes aware of it) that I'd say you've officially become a disciplined husband in a FL DD relationship.

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    1. Hi Darren. I think there is a lot of truth in this. Even 10 years into this, there are times when my wife's first reaction is something other remember that she has authority to deal with it then and there. Hard habits to break.

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  7. I never spank my husband when I am mad I set a time for him to report to me if he has been naughty that gives him time to think about what is going to happen ,I like to be calm so I can give his bottom a sound spanking ! Janet

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    1. Hi Janet. That sounds like an effective combination for you. Order immediately, but execute after the anticipation builds.

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  8. Dan
    I never begin spanking Peter in anger. I do confess however, when he complains about having to spend corner time naked for two long it automatically arouses my ire. In my mind DD is part of a contract that both he and I have agreed upon. Therefore I expect his total cooperation and his acceptance of whatever
    rules I choose. Another thing that can arouse my anger is when Peter cries out with fake moans or begs for it to stop.That sort of behavior makes me move from belt to a caning. DD is punishment. Hopefully after, it leaves some sort of impression on him.
    Anna
    ( Good to be hack )

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    1. Hi Anna. Glad to have you back!

      My wife doesn't really do corner time, though I admit I get similarly annoyed if she keeps me waiting a long time after sending me to the room to wait for the spanking. But, one reason I've brought it up is I think she believes that doing it that way adds to the punishment as anticipation builds, but it doesn't really work that way, probably because of my short attention span. after 10 minutes or so, I just end my getting bored and my mind starts wandering to everything but what is about to happen

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    2. Dan
      I think you are missing the point of being made to wait a long time for discipline. It is the first step into accepting your submissive role!
      anna

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    3. Hi Anna. i do get the point, but it just doesn't seem to work that way for me., Making me wait for some period of time, five or ten minutes, does make me feel more submissive. Beyond that, it tends to have the the opposite effect.

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    4. I find myself agreeing with both of you. Anna is correct that waiting can make an alpha male more accepting of discipline and obedient to authority. But much beyond 10 or 15 minutes starts being counterproductive. I actually received maybe the worst spanking of my life or one of them from a former girlfriend who left me in the corner for at least a half hour while she gardened outside. I ( to my shame) started to masturbate waiting in the corner and thinking she was still outside. She wasn't I was busted and her anger knew no bounds ( and my bum no mercy) I learned a lesson that day but so did she and corner time was always limited after that.
      Alan

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  9. Being angry and expressing anger are two different things. My wife has often said she would never punish me when angry ( meaning so mad she feels out of control). So some of my spankings have been delayed as long as a week or so because she was livid.But here is where it gets complicated. Once she picks up her brush or strap and begins, something very much like anger takes over as she spanks especially accompanied by scolding. I can heae it in her voice when she scolds and can sense it in the rhythm of the tool she is using. I am saying that the majority of my spankings are administered with a lot of emotion ( from both of us). It can be sadness, disappointment, revenge or simply the desire to punish. But mixed in there is anger. I don't believe she has ever been out of control or over the top with it but the anger is there and like some others have noted above this makes the discipline both more serious to me and more effective. I have looked at many of the videos on spanking tube where the disciplinarian almost robotic like spanks and the husband or boyfriend stoically takes it without hardly a movement or peep out of him. This is not what I imagine real DD is like in the homes that practice it and it sure has never been what happens in our home
    Alan

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    1. So very nicely said Alan. I agree wholeheartedly

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    2. Hi Alan. Nor would I want the clinical, robotic approach. That sounds too much like going to some kind of professional.

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  10. It may be a fine line, but while I may be (and often am) irritated by L's misbehavior, I am seldom (if ever) truly angry - mostly because I expect him to "breach the rules" (and to accept the consequences).
    Of course, I try to "make the punishment fit the crime", but I would never let "anger" lead me to punish him harder than he deserves.

    J.

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    1. Sounds like a perfectly reasonable distinction to me. I would be surprised if most real disciplinary spankings didn't involve at least some amount of irritation by the spa kerr.

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    2. J. handles minor transgressions with an on-the-spot OTK spanking (whether by her own hand or -more frequently - the hairbrush or the wooden spoon). For more serious cases, however, I am often assigned some preliminary - and bare-bottomed - "corner time" while she decides on the verdict... and on the choice of "tools" to be applied. This (I believe) allows her to - somewhat - temper her anger, but the outcome is nevertheless a stinging reminder (the effects of which usually last for a couple of days)...

      L.

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  11. We do not have kids living in the house so I do get random spankings on occasions. The random one usually happen almost immediately after I did something to warrant the the spanking. The nice thing if you can calli t that she is no longer angry or pissed.after the spanking.
    Frank

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    1. "Clearin the air" certainly does seem to be one big advantage of a DD relationship.

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  12. I'm disciplined at bedtime. Until the moment of execution the momentary anger was gone.

    Well

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  13. In 26 years of spanking my husband I have never spanked him in anger. It was part of the contract when we started this life style. No spanking in anger and no spanking if ill. However if he makes me really frustrated by something we have either discussed many times or he does something really childish I instruct him to go to our punishment room and strip. I love the immediate change in his attitude as he realizes that he has pushed the limit but even so I can still be angry. I let him stew for about 15 to 30 minutes while I calm down - then I stamp upstairs knowing that he’ll get more nervous. I stand in front of him and just stare at him as he fidgets like a naked little boy. I instruct him to kneel in front of me and look at me. I quietly inform him that he has gone beyond making me angry and that he has earned himself a serious disciplinary spanking. I lecture him about all his promises and how he has disappointed me. I allow my anger to be expressed by how saddened I am at the way he has not only let me down but primarily himself. Sometimes I advise him what penalty he is to receive and at what time I will carry out the sentence and at other times I just let him know that I will choose when, with what and how long and hard I will punish him. Then I instruct him to go to bed early and think about how he has disappointed me. The time between the offense and the punishment may be as long as two days to a week depending on our respective calendars but as the time draws near I often text him and leave phone messages advising him to be prepared for a very painful whipping. I still give him hugs, go out to dinner and laugh together about daily activities - since, after all, the whole purpose of this alternative disciplinary life style is to avoid the silent sulking treatment - but he knows that he will be required to present his bottom to me to assuage my initial anger. It amuses me to see how the tension builds as the time for his thrashing draws near. I even pass behind him while he is preparing dinner and caress his cheeks patting them and asking him if he is ready for his spanking – with those inimitable words “I’m going to hurt you” This careful and calculated control of my emotions has him quivering with fearful anticipation and this, to me, is a fundamental part of his punishment.

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    1. Hi Tina. Thanks so much for joining in the conversation. Welcome! Yours is a very interesting approach, and one I don't think I have seen before. Mine sends me upstairs with instructions to strip and then comes stomping up the stairs, but always as prelude to an actual spanking. It's interesting that you put him through that then don't carry out the sentence, so to speak, until some later date. What an interesting way to impose some immediate consequences while also letting anticipation build

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    2. Tina,
      Your description of your process/thinking was a real eye-opener for me. I have been on the receiving end of my wife's seemingly random "tension-building" for so many years and I never really thought about it as being done on purpose. I have no idea what I will do with this information. But it is quite a revelation.

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  14. "It is not how hard the spanking is given, It is how long it last" Spank not in anger, but spank to be remembered. Ask my husband, he knows fully well after a trip across my lap. Mary

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  15. Yes I have and do spank when I'm angry. Sometimes I don't get over the anger quickly and the spanking is coming asap so he gets it asap.
    If we're out and he really does something that warrants discipline I let him know he's going over my knee when we get home, and he does. The ride home can calm my anger some or all but I'm still as stern as ever. If I calm down and then make sure he knows what he did to go over my lap, the explaining of the issue by either myself or my husband can get me going again. Either way I don't want him able to sit comfortably for a good while afterward.
    If I'm upset or angry and it's pretty much an immediate spanking then I'm usually spanking his bottom on every word as I scold. I also tend to concentrate on the thighs and lower bottom.
    I'm also very much aware, and amazed, at the complete lack of resistance, backtalk, negotiating or even apologies when I'm angry and announce the spanking he's getting. I'm sure he's nervous, afraid and doesn't want to make it worse by even attempting to say something inappropriately.
    My husband has learned "resistance is futile" and not smart at these times. I can literally bark out one word commands and they are followed in silence.
    For example once he made me very angry and was going to be spanked, I ordered him as follows and he complied; (FYI it was a serious issue and had to be dealt with.)
    Upstairs! (Husband quickly went looking back as I followed, removing my belt.)
    Strip completely! (I stood strap in hand watching him strip nude)
    Face Down! I pointed to the bed with my belt.
    I whipped his little butt and thighs good!
    Get Up!
    Brush! I pointed toward the dresser. He did as told and stood rubbing his bottom as I scolded his behavior.
    Over my knee! I locked his legs and held his wrist.
    I proceeded to beat his strapped backside, he really got the spanking of his life!
    As my husband yelled, pleaded and promised it was one of the few times he teared up and cried a little.
    I let him up and consoled him. I then got a towel and lube and made him masturbate in front of me. He was taking long and was trying to rub his bottom at the same time, he was not yet composed. I took hold of his penis and unceremoniously jerked him off quickly until he came onto the towel. He wiped himself and kept the towel as I took him back downstairs. It was possibly the first of only a few times that I put him into the corner. He sniffled and rubbed his extremely red and sore looking rear as I watched him, the tv and called my sister on the phone. She was involved in the incident that was lewd, rude and childish by my husband towards her.
    I told her straight out "I handled it and he got his ass beat!" I didn't go into details and was never sure how she interpreted that. There have been a coupe of times since that she has said regarding my husband, "maybe he needs his ass beat" or you need to beat his ass."
    She doesn't know it but I do. Most definitely and it works!
    Shannon
    PS I like your blog, stumbled upon it and will read older posts as time allows me too.

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    1. Hi Shannon. Thanks for dropping by. Your response makes an important point about being stern. I think some wives get overly concerned about whether he will balk if you talk to him sternly and say what you want decisively. The opposite is true. He is more likely to comply and accept what he has coming the more stern you are and the less it seems like a debate.

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  16. I think we are all "bitches" to our husbands when the rubber hits the road ( so to speak) I reconciled myself to this long ago. The amusing thing is that growing up I thought my mother was a bitch for spanking too often and severely. Now I find although I probably do not spank as often as she did, I certainly spank harder. If a wife wants results she does need to be a bitch sometimes (As Tina Fey said " Bitches get stuff done" ) I am not saying that being a bitch is necessary to be a good disciplinarian. But sometimes being a bitch is just what is needed and don't be intimidated by the fact that someone ( like your husband) might think you are a bitch once in a while
    Holly

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    1. Hi Holly. I couldn't agree more. That attitude is often exactly what we need, whether or not we like it at the time. Your statements about growing up with a spanking mother always fascinate me. We have tried so hard to insulate our own kids from it, largely at my wife's insistence. Her concern does not seem to be about them thinking of her as a bitch but, rather, thinking it will make them think less of me. I don't really think it would though, honestly, I could prevent that pretty easily by not misbehaving as much. It is interesting that you once did think of your mother as a bitch for spanking so often and severely, but now you don't. I'm not surprised. The reality, kids are always going to think their parents are doing something wrong, until they are married and face the same situations. Then a lot of that "wrong" behavior suddenly seems pretty wise.

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  17. As someone in his 50's in the early stages of a monthly maintaince spanking regime (with occasional "punishable" spankings) my biggest bugbear is my wife does it far too "dry" and unemotional.

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