“Only the disciplined ones in life are free. If you are undisciplined, then you are a slave to your moods and your passions.” — Eliud Kipchoge
Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Wives Club - Tribute. Our weekly on-line gathering of women and men who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.
I hope you all had a great week. Mine was uneventful, yet uncharacteristically painful, as I’ll recount more below.
Thank you to those who participated in our discussion about a “more is more” approach to spanking. There were several good comments, but I especially liked this one from Mike:
What I long for is to feel the reality of a domestic discipline relationship in my everyday life. I think for me it also has a lot to do with control. I grew up in my childhood with massive authority but without emotional security. Then, at around 20, I had complete freedom in the sense that I had to organize myself entirely and had no authority at all anymore. That’s probably why I long for an authority that provides safety and stability.
I believe that consistency and continuity signal to me, again and again, that the dynamic is real, intact, and functioning. There’s no uncertainty about whether she is still fully committed or not. With every spanking, she reaffirms that she is still there and willing to put me in my place when necessary.
His first sentence resonates for me. I have a hard time articulating exactly what it might look like in practice, but I think it’s connected to why I gravitate so strongly toward the DWC's emphasis on "maternal" discipline. To me, the essence of a “maternal”-style disciplinary relationship—as contrasted with something purely utilitarian and focused only on behavior modification—is the continual, pervasive feeling that you’re always at least a little bit at risk of earning yourself a spanking. It’s that background feeling of always being subject to someone else’s decision making. I associate that with maternal, or really parental, control, and it's an edgy feeling that I'd like to experience on a more regular basis.
Anyway . . . onward.
It’s pretty rare for me to build entire topics around recounting my own spankings. But, every once in a while, something out of the ordinary happens. Or, something happens that seems to illustrate particularly well some of the things we talk about. I feel like last week’s session was all that.
So, here’s the background. For a long time, I’ve struggled with what should happen when there have been multiple offenses, each of which would merit a trip to the woodshed if it had been the only recent transgression.
In the past, regardless of the number of offenses or how little they were related, they tended to get lumped into one spanking. That was kind of a problem because, although I do try to observe the rules and don’t engage in bad behavior for its own sake, I’d be lying if I said there was no element of, “I already have one coming, so I might as well . . .”
So, at my suggestion, we’ve tried giving multiple spankings spread across multiple days. That solution made sense in the abstract but didn’t work well in practice for multiple reasons.
First and foremost, the spankings after the first often just didn’t happen. Real life would get in the way. Or, Anne would forget about it, and I wasn’t always inclined to remind her.
Second, the last time we tried it, I had this unhelpful emotional reaction to it. There had already been a few days between the offenses and the first spanking, and my perceived need for atonement was already starting to diminish. After the first spanking, there was little if any of that emotion-laden need for accountability left. There was then a day’s break before the next spanking and, by the time it happened, I was just not in a headspace to receive it as anything like real imposed accountability. In the abstract, we had agreed to multiple spankings for multiple offenses, yet in practice it felt like the slate had been wiped clean with the first spanking. The second felt gratuitous and pointless.
Finally, one reason I had suggested multiple spankings for multiple offenses was that intuitively it seemed like the second one—given on an already sore bottom—would hurt much more and, hence, serve as more of a deterrent. Yet, every time we tried it, it never seemed to have that additive effect.
So, a couple of weeks ago, as we were coming up on one of the physical therapy milestones that probably would see me released from some of the restrictions I’ve been under and that would make a return to disciplinary spankings possible, we had a talk about how to get back on track and increase her strictness, which we’ve been talking about for a long time.
I told her I felt like “multiple spankings for multiple offenses” was an important principle, but that doing them on separate days wasn’t working. I suggested that we probably should try two (or more) on the same day, separated by at least an hour or two.
My thinking was that (a) same-day spankings would make those after the first more likely to actually occur; (b) they probably would be less intrusive on her time and attention, as they wouldn’t be spread out over more than a few hours; (c) knowing I had two coming the same day—and given that any numbing would go away in the time between spankings—they might serve as a very effective deterrent.
Always more practical than me, she asked, “Do you really think you can handle that?” I told her that I really didn’t know but that, if we were serious about ramping up her strictness, it might be something to try.
I also told her that, although my proclivity for binge drinking had dropped like a rock last year, I felt like it was slowly sneaking back up, particularly my habit of sneaking a few additional drinks after we got back from dinner out. I asked her to help me nip that one in the bud by making it an automatic second spanking on top of any for drinking to excess.
Well, last week demonstrated what an unpleasant combination those two proposed changes to our rules could be for my butt.
The problem started when I went out to happy hour with a friend. She usually drinks a bit less than me, but not that day. We ended up having four drinks total over about three hours. That’s not a huge deal, and Anne wouldn’t have treated it as such.
But, after I got home and had dinner, I hung out in my home office and had a couple more. Later in the evening, Anne came in and asked whether I’d been having more.
And . . . you probably know where this is going . . . I said no.
Now, at the time, I don’t think I saw it as “lying” exactly. I think of lying as something said with the expectation that the other person will believe it. To me, this was something more mischievous; basically, telling her something untrue, knowing that neither of us expected her to believe it.
The next morning, she asked how I was feeling. I told her not bad, which was more or less true. Although I’d had quite a few drinks, they had been spread out over several hours, and I’d snacked during happy hour then had a full dinner at home before having a couple more. And, I’d gone to bed only a little later than normal.
Her response was something like, “You’re feeling better than your ass will be later.” I responded with a simple, “Yes ma’am.” We both knew I had it coming, and I wasn’t going to argue. In fact, I was kind of relieved that after a four month hiatus, something had happened to give her a reason to get the DD part of our relationship started again.
A few weeks ago, someone suggested putting a spanking instrument out on open display after a spanking has been ordered. I thought at the time it sounded like a great way to encourage follow-through. I suggested as much to Anne, and she was all for it.
It proved very difficult, as I suspected it would be. After some delay, however, I finally did place a fraternity-style paddle on a small table in the foyer, where it would be visible to anyone coming into the house. I’m sure Anne saw it when she returned from some errands, though she didn’t say anything.
For the next few hours, it was on my mind constantly. Finally, I did something very uncharacteristic. She was working on something at the kitchen table. I interrupted and asked, “Ma’am, could we please get my spanking over with now?”
Although asking for one so directly was as hard as it has always been on those few occasions I’ve done it, the anxiety was offset a little by feeling good about accepting what I had coming.
But, those self-congratulatory feelings came to an abrupt halt when, without missing a beat, she replied, “Your first one? Sure. Let’s go take care of that right now.”
Gulp. “I’m getting more than one, Ma’am?”
“Oh, yes,” she laughed. “I honestly didn’t care that you drank, as you didn’t act out or anything. And, I didn’t even really care that you drank at home, even though you’ve asked me to be stricter on that. But, lying to me about that drinking . . . You don’t get to lie to me. So, you are getting at least two spankings.”
So, we went upstairs. I put her ebony hairbrush and bath brush out on the ottoman and got undressed. I was prepared that it would be extremely painful, given the four month break we’d had while I was recovering.
Well, it proved to be every bit as painful as I anticipated. I was fighting not to beg her to stop from pretty much the first swat, and they went on and on. But, finally it was over.
She didn’t say anything about when the second would happen, but I assumed it would be around bedtime, which is when the vast majority of our spankings happen. I was again left to anticipate what I had coming. And, that was surprisingly emotional.
After 20+ years of hard disciplinary spankings, some of the edge around waiting for one is going to subside. But, this time, the anxiety was running extremely high, almost like it did when we were first starting out and I really didn’t know what to expect from a spanking. Although I’ve been spanked dozens and dozens of times over the years, this was the first time I was to have two on the same day, and I was appropriately scared about what that might feel like. "Anxiety" seems too modest a word for it. It was something closer to real fear of what she was going to do to my butt.
Around 9:00 pm, she was hanging out in the bedroom. I came in and, in a voice that was probably trembling a little, asked, “Do you know what time you want to do my second spanking?”
“You want to do that one today?” she asked, sounding genuinely surprised.
“Well, that is what we discussed a couple of weeks ago . . . that any multiple spankings would happen on the same day. I assumed that was what you intended to do today . . .”
“Well, okay then," she replied. "We can do that in about 30 minutes.”
I couldn’t believe that she had forgotten about our discussion from a couple of weeks ago. I had just sentenced myself to a spanking that I really, really did not want, given how hard the first had been!
So, thirty minutes later, I found myself once again over her knee. I didn’t really know what to expect and was secretly hoping that it would be like the multiple spankings spread out over a day or two, i.e. painful but not exponentially more the second time around.
Well, that proved NOT to be the case. From the very first swat, I was in agony. It hurt unbelievably badly no matter where on my cheeks she struck, but there was one place near the “sit spot” on one cheek that was just excruciating.
I also thought that maybe she would go easier on me, given how hard the first one had been and that she’d given one that hard without planning to do the second so soon after. Nope. It probably was shorter than her usual single spanking, but not by a lot.
The other notable thing that occurred was I think I got closer than I ever have to crying. I yelped and cried even more than usual, and although some of that was about consciously trying to surrender myself to the possibility of crying, it wasn’t contrived.
She noticed it as it was happening, and afterward she said she had thought I actually was crying. I felt like I got very close, and it might have happened had she verbalized something expressing a desire to see it happen.
The next day provided other proof this had not been a typical spanking. After twenty years of this, I don’t mark very much. But, this time, parts of my butt were still a deep red, and others were visibly bruised.
Further, that iconic spanking phrase, “You aren’t going to be able to sit tomorrow when I’m done with you,” which is usually hyperbole, was almost true this time. I technically could sit down, but it did hurt. A lot. In fact, the more ambitious spanking threat of, “You won’t be able to sit down for a week . . .” proved close to true.
The second day after the spanking, I rode the exercise bike at the gym. Sitting on it didn’t hurt as much as I expected, probably because those seats are so narrow that it wasn't touching the most tender parts. But, when I would get up on the pegs, my butt would brush against the front of the seat, and that was VERY painful.
For the next three days after the spanking, I felt it every time I sat down. And, I don't mean it was just a little tender. I really felt it, deep in my butt, every time I sat down. For the next three days after that, I could still feel it whenever I pushed against my glutes, and it stung whenever I showered.
I started drafting this post on the one-week anniversary of the two spankings, and the pain is finally mostly gone, but not entirely.
Oftentimes, Anne and I talk about a spanking in bed after it happens. This time, she openly declared there would be no sex afterward, and we went straight to bed. Therefore, it was a couple of days later that we finally debriefed a bit.
I asked whether giving the second spanking had been challenging for her in any way. She said something like this:
“When you first went over my knee, I was a little squeamish about giving you another very hard one, mostly because of the condition of your ass. It already looked pretty bad, and that did make me a little reluctant.
“But, then I thought, ‘No, you earned exactly what you had coming. You asked for multiple spankings, on the same day, for drinking too much and drinking at home alone. And, you lied to me, which really did piss me off. So, you literally asked for it, and you had it coming. From that moment on, no, I was totally fine giving it to you.”
I asked her how she felt when she thought I might be crying, as in the past she’s seemed a little bit tentative about that, and I've always thought it was about the possibility that she would feel bad about making me cry. She said that she’s mostly come around on that and now sees spanking me to real tears as a goal.
She said that's about giving me the kind of catharsis she knows I've wanted to experience for a long time.
Honestly, I’m not sure that the desires I’ve had around being spanked to real tears are about catharsis. Rather, I think it’s more about a morbid attraction to the embarrassment of crying like a little boy in front of my wife as she gives me a very business-like spanking that she has determined I deserve.
I do think that giving a spanking in which she thought I was crying probably ended any reticence Anne had about witnessing me sobbing over her knee.
So, did the “two in one day” spanking for multiple offenses check all the boxes I thought it would? I would have to say yes.
Regarding deterrence, I certainly think it will make me think twice before doing something to deserve two in one day again. And, I think it hardened Anne, in a good way, and made her much more likely to give me whatever she thinks I deserve regardless of its impact on me (pun not intended).
And, while it’s hard to articulate the feeling, her willingness to take it to the next level and deliver a really, really bad spanking and be totally business-like about it did lead to a feeling of respect for her authority that does feel very maternal to me.
Also, as predicted, knowing that a second was coming in short order, I didn’t have that feeling that the second was superfluous or pointless that I’d had when there was a days-long gap between them. And, it was clear that Anne saw the drinking and the lying as separate issues, and she clearly wanted to make sure the lying was treated separately and seriously.
Finally, the gap between the two was more than sufficient for all the feeling in my butt to return, and then some.
I don’t have any specific topic related to this. Feel free to talk about anything that comes to mind.
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