The Club - Meeting 480 - Spanking Instruments You Prefer or Dread

“We shape our tools and afterwards our tools shape us.” - Marshall McLuhan

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly meeting of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline and/or Female Led (FLR) relationships.

 

Once again, before we get started, I would like to extend a specific invitation to our female readers to move from “lurker” to “commenter” status. We miss having you around.

 

I hope you all had a good week.  I’m still neck-deep in planning for a motorcycle trip.  At this point, I probably have more time into planning and buying stuff than the trip will actually take. But, hopefully, that will make the next trip like this more of a turnkey process. I also had to research and buy some additional safety gear, largely to keep Anne happy.

 

 

Just a heads-up about my plans for posting the rest of this month:  I’ll be around most of the upcoming week, but from Friday on I’ll be off-line for the better part of eight or nine days.  So, I won’t be posting next weekend, and there’s a pretty good chance that a one-week hiatus may turn into two. 

 

Near the end of our discussion a week ago, Antonio had the following topic suggestion:

 

It seems most of us are both aroused and terrified when we know a spanking is imminent. Or some emotions along that line. My question is for those whose partner has an assortment of tools in their arsenal: When you are about to get disciplined, is there one implement that you hope she uses and one that you are terrified that she might use?

 

Alan added:

 

That might be an interesting topic. But excepting the rubber paddle or strap, I think my wife can use any of the paddles, brushes or straps in our collection and reach the same END result. Put differently they are hurt like hell if she wants that to happen. So, to me an interesting part of it would be why you prefer one instrument or dread another. What is going on there?

 

I admit, I’m usually not super enthusiastic about tools/instruments topics.  But, people do seem to respond to them. And, they don’t take much work on my end, and since I’m fairly busy this weekend . . . let’s go with those.

 

Implicit in Antonio’s articulation of the topic is the assumption that the wife chooses the implements she will use for each session.  That used to be how we approached it, but not so much anymore.

 

For several years, I kept a huge variety of paddles, straps, and brushes in a small locked suitcase.  When told to prepare for a spanking, I typically would bring out the whole suitcase, and she would choose among them.  Often, she would go through five or six instruments each session.  But, back in those days we rarely used OTK, so she was usually on her feet and able to move back and forth between the tool suitcase and the ottoman or whatever other piece of furniture I was draped over.

 

These days, her bath brush and ebony hairbrush are always on open display in our master bathroom.  When she orders a spanking, I often bring her just those two instruments, placing them beside the ottoman where she can easily reach them while I’m draped over her lap. In addition to being more effective for an OTK session, I think we’ve both concluded that keeping things simple this way seems to help with consistency, as each session feels like less of a big production than was the case in the old days.

 

Alternatively, last year I bought her a personalized knife/chefs roll, which I loaded up with several small paddles and straps.

 

Interestingly, Anne seems not to care whether I bring her only the two instruments or the full roll.  I’m not sure why, but perhaps it relates to Alan’s observation that virtually all of her tools can be effective disciplinary instruments if used with sufficient determination and enthusiasm.

 

Moreover, since the bath brush has become by far her “go-to” instrument, I know that every single spanking is going to hurt like hell.  Interestingly, when preparing this post, I found this post from 2018, in which I noted that Anne typically did not gravitate to the bath brush even though it was extremely effective.  My how things have changed, and it’s a good lesson about being careful what you wish for.

 

The first part of Antonio’s question was “When you are about to get disciplined, is there one implement that you hope she uses . . .”  As phrased, for me the answer is no.  When I’m about to be disciplined, I know it’s almost certainly going to include the bath brush, and no amount of hoping is likely to result in her using only some milder instrument.

 

During the spanking, however, I often hope that she will switch from the bath brush to the ebony hairbrush midway through, because the latter doesn’t hurt quite as much no matter how vigorously she uses it.  

 

As for which instrument I want to avoid at all costs, Alan noted that rubber straps and paddles are in a category all their own.  I agree with that.  There was a time when we had several rubber straps, including one kind of like this:

 

 

It was a truly terrifying instrument but, while undeniably effective, it also had a tendency to break the skin and Anne was not OK with that.  I eventually tossed all the rubber instruments into the trash can.

 

So, thankfully, rubber instruments are no longer something I need to dread. However, there is one other instrument that Anne uses that I believe tops her trusty bath brush when it comes to delivering a wicked, deep sting.  It’s this custom paddle I bought from a vendor on Etsy:

 

 

It’s roughly the same length as her bath brush, but the head is smaller, which concentrates the full force of the swing onto a smaller surface area.  I think the hardwood also is denser than the lighter wood her bath brush is made with.

 

One other tool I don’t like one bit is a short leather paddle like the one in this pic, which I received as a gift from Aunt Kay’s husband.  

 

When used in the OTK position, it’s fairly tolerable. But, Anne used to use it a lot with me draped over the ottoman and a thick cushion, elevating my butt to meet her downward swing.  That little paddle doesn’t look that intimidating, but the end had a tendency to find its way right between the cheeks, delivering a devastatingly painful sting right in the crack of my ass.

 

So, how about you? Are there particular instruments you prefer or, conversely, an instrument you particularly dread?

Post Unlikely This Week

 Hi all. I hope you had a good weekend and that your week is off to a good start.  I'm distracted by some other things right now and, frankly, I'm kind of burned out on writing at the moment.  If inspiration strikes me out of the blue, I may post later.  If not, have a great week.

The Club - Meeting 479 - Before and After the Spanking

“Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.” — George Bernard Shaw

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly meeting of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline and/or Female Led (FLR) relationships.

 

Once again, before we get started, I would like to extend a specific invitation to our female readers to move from “lurker” to “commenter” status. We miss having you around. 

I hope you all had a good week.  I’ve been neck deep in planning for a challenging motorcycle trip. Although I can’t help feeling some discomfort at being so effectively spied upon, my on-line shopping for motorcycle gear seems to be having a nice influence on the kind of stuff that shows up on my Tumblr feed, such as this little gem that follows on the similar pic I posted last week:

 

 

Last week’s discussion was—what’s the word I’m looking for?—I guess “irritating” will do.  Hence my relative lack of participation. 

  

I’ve learned over the last ten years that one challenge in running a topic-oriented blog is drawing the right line between enforcing the weekly topic, on the one hand, and letting the conversation develop organically, on the other. I actually like when a weekly conversation goes in different, unanticipated directions. It keeps things interesting and is one of my best sources of ideas for future topics. 

But, there is some line, even if I can’t articulate exactly where it is. Last week, the very first comment was from someone clearly from BDSM world, who either didn’t read the post or consciously ignored the topic, turning a topic about using pre-spanking orgasms to enhance punishment into a comment on using spanking to punish orgasms.  As if there is any connection at all between those two.  One of the very next comments flipped the topic to post-spanking sex, which again, other than sharing the general concepts or orgasms and spankings had absolutely zero to do with the actual topic, and was itself kind of BDSM-ish in emphasizing the role of spanking in enhancing sex. Then, the multi-part description of what was basically a BDSM encounter. 

I guess it’s true that no good deed goes unpunished, and I blame myself to an extent for opening up the discussion the previous week to BDSM.  I was really happy that the discussion that week stayed focused and pertinent to the relationship between BDSM and DD, i.e. on the actual topic on the table.  But, it seems that opening it up to BDSM at all created a negative pillover effect the following week. 

  

Oh well.  Sometimes you have to give something a try, see what happens, and adjust as necessary. 

The unfortunate thing is, I really was interested in the topic of post-orgasm spankings as part of a DD regimen, even if we haven’t done it ourselves.  It’s one of those topics I have a morbid fascination with, though it’s one that I have enough real fear around that I’ve never even secretly hoped to experience it.   

 

Apparently, many of you feel the same.  I especially liked this comment from Alan regarding how it seems to arise, when it does:

 

In my experience, men don’t bring it up—at least, I never did. My wife knew about it from prior relationships, and my former GF discovered it similarly to the way you first encountered it. Both women who have disciplined me would have accepted it as a hard limit while not being comfortable with that position. My wife’s position is that it should be something she can use if she thinks necessary. My former Gf’s position was that putting it off bounds was a limitation on the authority “You told me was unlimited”

Our ongoing agreement is that my wife can use it in a couple of clear and well-defined situations. But she would be happier if there were no limits, not because she would use it often but because it is a powerful deterrent. I can’t disagree with the latter.

 

Indirectly, I have sort of brought it up to Anne, by making it a weekly topic a few times, as she does read the blog fairly regularly.  She has never brought it up, though I don’t read much into that, because it’s pretty rare that she does bring up my blog posts or your comments.

 

I have, from time to time, thought about bringing it up to her directly, exclusively on the premise that it would be, as Alan has called it, the “nuclear option,” to be used for highly problematic conduct that “normal” spankings have not succeeded in eliminating or substantially moderating.

 

What holds me back?  Well, first, because somehow without ever experiencing one, I can intuit how bad a post-orgasm spanking would be.  Second, as I’ve described, Anne tends to be very binary in her spanking approach. It’s either nothing or 100%.  So, I share some of Alan’s concerns about whether it would come to be used on a too-regular basis or for less serious behavior. Third, as I said, Anne does read the blog, so it’s not like I’m hiding this option from her. 

For this week’s topic, I’m going to turn to Alan again.  He recently suggested this topic idea and helpfully included enough detail that this week’s post virtually wrote itself: 

"A possible future topic: The before and after of disciplinary spanking.

 

Context- Before and After studies are practically a fixture of any new product, process, behavior, or phenomenon. Spanking isn’t new, but its impact (pun noted) on both the spanked and the spanker is a bit of an unknown. 

My former girlfriend told me that there was a direct line between my bum and my brain. That may be more than a metaphor. Recent neurological research has been discussing a “second brain,” not quite in the glutes but in the bottom, adjacent to the intestinal system. That’s close enough for me.

 

Several commentators on this blog have noted how their wives have changed their minds or views in the aftermath of a spanking. I have experienced this personally -being spanked when I thought she was wrong but feeling very differently when the spanking was over. 

So, it might be interesting to ask for descriptions of the difference, if any, in the way a male under female discipline feels before he is spanked compared to after he is spanked. Equally interesting would be the difference, if any a female disciplinarian feels before and after.

 

The underlying topic here is the effect on the male of receiving a disciplinary spanking from a female. This question is distinct from the cumulative effect of multiple spankings over an interval of time. This might be an interesting topic, but it's not what I am proposing now."

 

So, let’s go with that. It's interesting to note that as some of the memes in this post illustrate, it often seems to be the wife's express purpose to bring about the kind of attitude change Alan's girlfriend noted. It may include the express goal of making him accept her view on things.

 Or, she might be focused on punishing the "before" attitude itself.

 

 

The old adage that "talk is cheap" might also be in play.  The husband may have apologized profusely for some bit of bad behavior, but she has come to believe that it's important to take firm action that guarantees he is really sorry, i.e. that a professed "before" and "after" change is real.

 

 

 As for how I personally change, I’ll begin with the specific example Alan raised of feeling my wife was wrong about something before she spanked me for it, but changing my mind during or after the spanking. 

For me, the mental shift Alan described has happened, but it’s not quite that black and white.  It’s been rare that our views on the rightness or wrongness of either my behavior or her punishing it were diametrically opposed.  More often, it’s been that we’ve had a big argument about something (rare for us), and my ego and obstinance during the argument led me to reject her view of things out of hand, even though it should have been clear there were two sides to the issue. Often, when the spanking is over, I will be much more open to her point of view, even if I still recognize the validity of my own.

 

There have also been a couple of times when she gave me a strong, stinging lecture and a hard spanking for behavior that she had big problems with but that I didn’t see as an issue at all or didn’t feel like it should be “spankable.” In those cases, I did often come around closer to her view after a spanking—or at least I was more able to acknowledge her perspective—though in a couple of cases it took days or even weeks after the spanking. 

 

 The biggest delta between my “before” and “after” state has probably been when Anne has spanked me for something that I’ve seen as spankable but fairly trivial, while she spanked me as if it was a major offense. Things like failing to do an assigned chore.  Because that sort of thing is minor in the scheme of things, I tend to go into the spanking anxious about what is about to happen—or on at least one occasion not feeling particularly anxious because I wrongly anticipated a minor spanking for a minor offense—but feeling no particular remorse or need for penance.  After what turned out to be a very hard spanking, I still didn’t feel a lot of remorse, but I felt much, much more vulnerable to her exercise of her power and authority, and unsettled about the fact that she made a decision to spank so hard for something that mattered to her if not to me.  It reinforced the reality of the power shift in a very profound way.

 

Conversely, the least delta between my “before” and “after” mental state happens when we both are on the same page that what I’ve done is both serious and spankable. In those cases, I generally come into the spanking feeling anxious about the spanking but also recognizing its necessity and “rightness.” When it’s over, I usually feel like my need to be held accountable has been met, and I'm grateful for it.  It’s more a sense of relief or closure. And, I often feel very physically wrung out.  The last sentence of this meme does a remarkably good job of identifying how I usually feel a few minutes after a "normal" spanking. 

 

 How does Anne’s mental and emotional state change “before” and “after”? It’s hard to say, because she doesn’t open up about such stuff very much.  So, my comments are confined to how her demeanor appears to change, if at all, before and after. 

Ninety percent of the time, there is very little outward change in her demeanor.  She’s usually pretty business-like from beginning to end. If she displays any change of emotion before and after, it’s probably a hint of self-satisfaction at what she considers a job well done.

 

 

On the rare occasions when she’s very angry about something, there is perhaps even less “before” and “after” change in demeanor on display. She displays her anger and seriousness before, during, and to some extent after the spanking. Unlike a “normal” spanking, which very often leads to sex, after a spanking for something that has made her seriously mad, she is more likely to simply dismiss me at the end with a terse statement like, “That’s all. For now.”  This Jay Em illustration does a great job depicting a wife who is still pissed off after the spanking is over, and my own feelings of feeling physically "wrung out" after a really hard spanking.

 

 Tell us about the change in your mental or emotional state before and after a spanking?  This topic would be a great one to hear from the wives directly on but, if your wife isn’t interested in weighing in, please tell us about your perception of any “before” and “after” change you think she experiences. 

Have a good week.