Saturday, May 13, 2017

The Forum - Vol. 206 - Fantasy Versus Reality

There are moments when one has to choose between living one's own life, fully, entirely, completely-or dragging out some false, shallow, degrading existence that the world in its hypocrisy demands. - Oscar Wilde

Hello all.  Welcome back to The Forum.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, domestic discipline or Female Led Relationships.

Thank you all for the enthusiastic reaction to last week's posting.  People do seem to like it when I tell more personal anecdotes.  So, let me explain why I don't do it that often.  The primary reason is because, believe it or not, I would very quickly run out of material.  One of the things I've said is somewhat lacking in my own DD relationship is consistency.  When men first decide they want this lifestyle, I think there can be a tendency for it to become kind of all-consuming, and there can be an expectation that spankings and other forms of discipline will happen very frequently.  Then, along comes real life with all its competing commitments and distractions.  While I write this blog every week, real disciplinary spankings happen less than monthly.  There also is not a huge amount of variety in the sessions.  They tend to happen in the same place, using the same basic set of tools. So, if I tried to build this blog around personal anecdotes, I would quickly run out of anything interesting to say.  Also, some of what my wife and I deal with as a couple is personal, and while there is obviously some exhibitionism involved in talking about something like this in a public blog, there are some limits on things I will share, such as private conversations with my wife about our relationship.

But, I will share personal stories and thoughts from time to time, because I do sometimes just want to talk to people.  That's always been my goal for this blog.  I want it to encourage real conversations about this interest that we share.  That is also why I get so mad at some of the trolls and the obsessive compulsive verbal diarrhea that some are intent on spewing onto the pages of this blog.  As I pointed out to Tomy in a response to a comment he left yesterday, it's not that I have a problem per se with comments that may reflect something that didn't really happen.  It's that those comments tend to not have anything at all to do with the conversation that is happening.  Oh, the person may throw in one line at the beginning that kind of sort of responds to the topic.  But, it then quickly degenerates into minor variations on whatever obsessive fantasy the troll is fixated on at the moment.  It is basically just masturbation passing for conversation. It's the lack of interaction that really vexes me, along with the attempt to take the  blog in the direction the obsessive commenter wants it to go, instead of in the direction I want it to go.

But, that doesn't mean that I do not want to hear about people's DD-related fantasies, and that's kind of where I want to take things this week.  Though, not really fantasies per se, but more about goals, desires, wishes for where you want your DD or FLR relationship to go, or something you would like to experience. Or, things that you might not want to experience in reality, but that you still find compelling or intriguing.  Maybe it's being brought to tears.  Or, being spanked in front of a witness.  Or spanked in public.  Or in the woods or along the side of a road.  Or maybe visiting a professional disciplinarian.
So, what DD scenarios get me going? Those who have read the blog for awhile know that I have a thing for barns and woodsheds.  I'm not really sure why, but I do.  A story about being taken to the woodshed gets to me every time.  I think it may have been Peter who shared a story about being spanked by an uncle in a barn or shed when he was a teenager (though I may be confusing my commenters).  That whole scenario is something that definitely causes a strong reaction in me.  And, for me it's both the setting and, frankly, the M/m aspect of it.  For reasons I probably will never understand, DD was so compelling to me from the first time I read about it precisely because I found it so incredibly threatening both physically and, more fundamentally, on an ego level.  I am anti-authoritarian to my core and absolutely hate even thinking about being forced to do anything I don't want to do.  Yet, the prospect of that happening was what I found so morbidly fascinating about DD.  I think the thought of being subjected to a spanking by a father figure or uncle is part of that.  In my mind, that scenario is less consensual and more "get down to business" than something in the context of a marital relationship, where there is always going to be more of an erotic component and also the element of something I could resist if I really wanted to.

See, there I went sharing about myself again.  😀  I hope you all will do the same. 

Have a great week.  If you are new to this Forum, please stop by the Guestbook (tab above) and tell us a little about yourself and your DD or FLR lifestyle.


  1. To me it is a traditional otk spanking. Having my pants and underpants pulled down, being scolded, and feeling the sting of her hand and hairbrush. I have dream of walking into the room, naked, a friend visiting, and getting a spanking. I also dream of dating a girl, we both mess up, her mother spanks her and give me a choice and I take the spanking also. In my late 20's and time running out, just thankful for blogs such as yours, and for the magazines and stories along with pictures, help a lot. Dennis

  2. I am in a relationship where my partner spanks me basically for fun. Some time ago we answered an ad from a couple who are in a DD relationship. After exchanging a few emails they invited us to their place one afternoon. We chatted for a bit and they said they have been into spanking for years. It started as play and then moved on to discipline. The wife keeps a cane hanging on the wall. When people who do not know about their lifestyle call by, they put it in a cupboard, but a lot of their friends do know about it, so most of the time it is on display. They then said they would show us how the wife uses it. She took it from the wall while the husband lowered his trousers and underpants and bent over a table. She gave him ten hard strokes on his bare bottom. It would have made me yell, but he hardly made a sound. I said afterwards that it seemed very severe to me, but he said it was mild by their standards, just a demonstration to show us. When he misbehaves, his wife punishes him with a caning and then she gives him at least twenty strokes, sometimes more. It is not always punishment though, sometimes she spanks him with her hand or a hairbrush just because she is in the mood for it. Any time she feels like spanking him, he has to present his bottom, whether he likes it or not. I do not think I would like this lifestyle myself, but I certainly find it exciting as a fantasy.

    1. This might be a good subject for a reader poll sometime -- how many of the readers are like you and enjoy the fantasy of being in a DD relationship but do not really want one. Thanks for contributing.

  3. Wow! Definitely a topic that could open the Pandora's box... !

    As a boy educated by the Christian Brothers I was subjected to almost daily corporal punishment, which I did my best (and generally failed) to avoid. It was unpleasant, painful, bullying abuse but did create an 'us & them' camaraderie. At puberty I discovered girls and confusingly that M/m OTK or similar got me going almost equally. Even more confusingly there was an overlap between this awakening and still being subjected to the strap at school. I categorically got no pleasure or release from the school punishment even though variations of same filled my fantasy world (and still do to a lesser extend!)

    Only once I was happily married for a number of years did I feel comfortable enough to explain my inner world to my lovely wife, and between us we worked out that the F/M dynamic could be very useful in satisfying my need, controlling my behaviour and creating a new balance in our relationship.

    That is not to say that the other M/m fantasies have gone but they remain fantasies and I am very grateful for the current reality ... except for now when I know that sometime today / tomorrow I will be at the receiving end for a rude outburst on Friday.

    Be careful what you wish for, as the wise man said!

    1. Hi TB. Your comments illustrate why it is probably a losing effort to figure out why corporal punishment ends up being compelling to some and not others or take particular forms. M/m is a thing for you, and you experienced it. It is kind of a thing for me, and while I did experience it, not to any great extent. Alan has often speculated about there being a "spanking gene" that predisposes us to want this. I wonder if instead we are somehow hard-wired to want accountability, the form that takes may depend on other experiences.

  4. I live in a DWC home. So in most ways I would have to say my fantasies are my reality. But as I pondered Dan's question I found a few things I can contribute.

    When I watch a hot OTK video I sometimes wish I was the one being spanked by that woman. For example, some of the Mom's Knee videos are stunning. But at the same time, I doubt that I could endure all of that. (But we know the truth is, we do somehow survive even very harsh discipline.)

    Another fantasy area I would love to try out is Role Play. Much like a home theater piece with a scenario and clothing to fit it. Have not really done it and I suspect it would require practice to leave present reality and be fully in the role play.

    1. Hi Tomy. Prior to reading the second comment above, I might have quipped that many men who come here would love to be able to make a comment similar to your first sentence. But, maybe given that comment I need to rethink how many of our comments want to be in DD relationships, versus like to fantasize about being in one . . .

    2. Dan said "I need to rethink how many of our comments want to be in DD relationships, versus like to fantasize about being in one.

      There is a third option; which is like me I guess, doing both. I know one thing for sure. When a spanking begins, I would much rather be fantasizing about it

    3. True, though that might suggest there are actually four or five options: (1)those in DD relationships; (2) those who want to be in DD relationships; (3) those who are not and don't want to be but fantasize about it; and (4) those who are, and how think, "What the hell did I get myself into?" :-)

    4. Tomy Nash & Dan

      And dont leave out the few who NEED DD!


  5. Dan
    Peter here. Yes it was me who told you a while ago about a discipline session in my Uncle Rick's barn.
    It was really a stable for his horses but very much like the photo you used this week I was leaning over a bale of hay and he applied his belt as well as a riding crop to my very bare bottom.
    The images, stay with me today. Anna feels that the idea of submitting to a older male authority figure is understandable. I grew up with a dad who cared little about what I did. My uncle took me to the stables twice that summer. Both times were for good reasons.
    I wont lie over the years I have masturbated recalling that feeling of submission. Unlike submitting to Anna when my uncle took me to be stables, he was twice my size and there was nothing to do but submit.
    Perhaps that is the attraction. I confess when Anna gives me a harsh working over I have taken my brain to that place I went with my uncle.

    1. Hi Peter. I totally get it. There is something about being punished when there is no real choice involved -- where it is going to happen whether you cooperate or you don't -- that is morbidly fascinating.

  6. Hi Dan and everyone. This is my third FLR incorporating DD. The first was only for short periods, a weekend or short trip here and there. The second was a more traditional full time DD relationship. She became my wife and we lived a true 24/7 DD relationship. The marriage died after about 10 years, but I knew then it was the kind of lifestyle I wanted. Upon meeting my now life partner, I explained my desire for this kind of relationship. I was unaware that her extended family was into a BDSM manufacturing company, so she knew the ins and outs of the BDSM and spanking community. We hammered out an agreement and life in a full time 24/7, female-led, D/s, DD relationship. I have covenants, duties, chores and rules to live by. I am spanked for discipline and maintenance. It is the way I wanted to live and I would not change anything. When friends ask me how I became involved in spanking, I refer back to a teenage spanking I received from my Aunt. It was for discipline and I did not enjoy it at all. I think it turned on a switch in my mind and as an adult I enjoy the spanking lifestyle and the Domestic Discipline household I life in.

    1. Hi Spanked Cowboy. I'm always intrigued by men like you and Alan who have pulled off multiple DD relationships, when at least according the stats on the polls I've run, men who are interested in DD seem to outnumber women who are interested in it by about 10:1. Yet, some of you plainly beat the odds

    2. Perhaps I have just been lucky or just happen to talk to the right women. All three relationships I have had, the women were happy in the relationship and eager to be the dominant partner in the household.

    3. Dan, this could make for a good topic. I have been in several also, and while a DD relationship is certainly harder to develop and cultivate, it is FAR from impossible. What would be impossible for me would be to settle for a relationship without D/s-DD elements....regardless of how otherwise wonderful the woman is.

    4. Dan,
      I don't disagree with you citing the ratio at 10 to 1 men to women interested in a FLR style DD relationship as long as you qualify it to refer to natural "spankos" as we all use that term. But the actual number of strong take charge women willing to build such a relationship with a man they love and care for is much higher and if you slice the demographics a little ( at least late 30's, probably college educated, professional background, independent thinker, etc, the numbers are still higher.I would bet that many of the women who contribute to this blog are not true spankos in the sense they originally associate eroticism with spanking ( most of us males certainly are) My wife is probably a natural dominant and my former girlfriend may have been but I have met many more women earlier in life who were not " naturals' but were very willing to spank. Ultimately I am challenging the notion that most women are just not interested in DD. I don't have the correct numbers ( no one does yet) But its much larger than believed with the right partner.

    5. Hi Alan. I'm not sure that is quite apples to oranges though, is it? You are comparing men who begin interested in it, to women who may be *persuaded* to engage in it, many of whom might not have ever thought about it or pursued it on their own. I do think there are probably many women who, once in a relationship with a man who wants it, might be persuaded to give it a try. I'm not saying you are wrong that the right number is "much larger" than 10:1, but I'm not sure there is any way of knowing it. The only "stats" I have to base by 10:1 on is the reader poll results, but those are fraught with problems, starting with the low number of people who visit this blog as compared to the general population, the low number of those who respond to the poll, etc. I have no idea how representative those figures are of the total population. Also, you may be the right that the number tilts based on age, educational background, etc., but isn't the hidden assumption in that you are suggesting those variables apply to one sex but not the other? In other words, they would change the 10:1 ratio only if those variables somehow changed the 1 but not the 10.

      I am, btw, totally speculating. As I've said, I have no idea how many couples out there actually practice these lifestyles. What I have said though is that I have *no* non-speculative basis for saying it is a lot.

    6. If you look around, you'll find the DD crowd is small..........with a much larger M/f population. F/m-FLR is a minority within a minority. The thing is, percentages are deceiving for practical purposes. For example, in 2016 the U.S. population was over 324,000,000. Assume a subculture of just 1% , which seems hopelessly small, and that's still over 3 million people. That's a lot of people.

      In my own situation I have somehow always managed to "find" willing dominant females who were also attractive to me and at least somewhat compatible..........with Rosa being the "jackpot". And at least 4 were right under my nose. (though it is admittedly a pretty big nose)

    7. Agreed, though if I had to guess at the F/m DD population, it would be way under 1%.

  7. We're expecting more empty-nest time in the near future - my goal is to regularize my naked chores, followed by a 'weekly review discussion' and the application of rewards and punishments.
    My wish is to have my bride integrate discipline into improving my fitness and reaching other goals.

    1. Thanks, CrimsonKing. I'm sure empty-nester status helps many DD fantasies become reality

  8. My "fantasy" is more of a frustrated "reality". For a while now Rosa and I have included trusted outsiders in having limited but genuine authority with regard to my behavior. Two people in particular have been given a "carte blanche-pending Rosa's approval"............ (which is pretty much going to be a given) authority to impose punishments and even deliver them personally. Each person has an interest AND a willingness................AND spouse-related hesitation!

    I guess you could say Rosa and I did almost as much as could be done to open the door to this and yet neither person has taken full advantage and actually done anything more than suggest punishments for Rosa to deliver to me and act as amused witnesses to the aftermath. These things are pretty cool in and of themselves, but I have this deep interest in having these ladies take the next ....bigger....step. Both are very different and I have different reasons for wanting each of them to act on their authority. The unanswered question is "will these two ever take matters into their own hands?"

    1. Obviously keep us up to date on how this works out. I can understand their hesitation to some extent. Even if the friend is willing, spouses can be way less open-minded.

    2. I don't intend to be dense here. But just to clarify. Does "Each person has an interest AND a willingness................AND spouse-related hesitation!" mean each of their spouses is against it?

    3. Very true. That is certainly the case here. And it's not so much being 'open-minded' (because I would have to say the two spouses are) but rather having a visceral comfort in understanding of how such an activity need not be "sexual".

      The two 'candidates' get that completely. They know that their participation would be a combination of a bit of genuine discipline blended with some amusing adult fun...........but that none of t would be leading anyone to further temptations or trips to the bedroom! One spouse in particular is very odd in her thinking because on one hand she can't see how anyone would want to do such a thing..........but then think that if they do it must be some sort of odd foreplay. And both know that Rosa would be present and in full endorsement of the act, and yet they still are uncomfortable......which has then made their willing spouses uncomfortable.

    4. Their attitude does still seem understandable. While a DD spanking may not lead to sex, that doesn't mean it isn't in some way sexual or erotic. I think it is, in fact, hard to separate the two. If I had a desire to be spanked by a third-party, I don't think there is any way I could ever convince my wife that it was not a form of infidelity. I'm not saying it is, but I definitely understand how someone would not feel comfortable with or or would feel that it has a pretty strong sexual component.

    5. I can add to this from our real life experience. Let me start with Dan's comment "While a DD spanking may not lead to sex, that doesn't mean it isn't in some way sexual or erotic." I would have to say that's probably often true.

      But there is a whole lot more than that. For one thing, the shared interest, the understanding and recognition, between couples of their similar unique preferences often leads to excellent friendship. The sharing of kind of "secret society" membership is way more thrilling than the aforementioned erotic element.

      I have been to many spanking gatherings, parties and events. What Kdpierre calls adult fun is pretty much the pervading atmosphere.

      Oh sure I have seen some things I thought were kind of "out there" and definitely not in my comfort zone or interest. But at the big parties I got even more comfortable with everyone having fun and doing their own things. At the end of the day "being weird together" with others is a step into another world.

      I am sure it's not for everyone. But I have been expanded as a person and become far, far, more tolerant and less judgemental of others because of it.

      In my mind, at the end of the day, we ARE all adults.

    6. I think any time we engage in something we didn't envision ourselves doing before we become more tolerant and less judgmental, or at least one would hope so. It sounds like the partners KD is dealing with aren't being judgmental, but also aren't comfortable engaging in it. Those are not necessarily inconsistent. I don't judge people who want to attend group spanking "parties," though I don't have any desire to do it myself. For me, it is both a genuine lack of interest (the thought of being spanked in a group session does nothing for me at all -- it doesn't excite or offend me -- I just don't have any emotional reaction to it one way or another) and also that for me personally it is important to keep DD as something other than a game or something "fun." I want to keep spanking and punishment and "fun" gatherings as very different things in my mind. So, for me, I'm adult enough to not care what other people do in their own relationships, but that doesn't necessarily mean I want to be part of it. Now, I honestly don't know how I would feel about my wife spanking another man, as long as it was really for discipline. It would probably depend on the circumstances.

      I did have an interesting experience recently involving third-parties. A DD wife I am in touch with was aware of the incident that led to my double spanking last week. She called me out on it very firmly and directly, and without any hint of playfulness or fun. She was disappointed in me and let me know it. That did make me take it even more seriously, but had she mixed it with anything hinting at sex or eroticism, I think it would have totally spoiled the message she was trying deliver.

      None of this is to say that I don't have an attraction to meeting other people who are into DD. I do want that at some point. There is some chance I will be doing so sometime in the near future. There just won't be any spanking involved.

    7. All makes perfect sense to me. In fact, in the case of the closest friends we have made through the DWC; truly like family, the wife has never disciplined me. In the past my wife did spank the other husband. But that eventually ended. So we still have a couple who completely understands our lifestyle and we can talk freely about it. It's a great thing for us.

    8. You both touched on an aspect that is valid yet in my case, almost "Catch 22-ish": 'play vs. fun'. I had an issue with one of these people where I went through great lengths to suggest that her punishment of me BE exactly that. More serious, more stern, less playful....or not even really playful at all. I did that specifically to make her more comfortable so she'd know I wouldn't be 'getting off' on the spanking..........although Rosa and I did admit that HER own motive and enjoyment could be whatever she wished. It backfired with her thinking that taking the spanking out of the realm of 'play' made it too intense. However, when I then talked with her again and said it was only a suggestion and that we could make it more 'fun' if that worked better for her, she seemed more is only her spouse that is the obstacle now, and even that is very subtle discomfort rather than angry disapproval.

      I found it interesting that my attempt to sterilize the situation into something purely punitive and asexual............actually sexualized it even more for her.

      The other thing about sexuality is that we as humans are sexual beings from birth...........way before even puberty.............yet we seem to be so ashamed of those urges. I don't understand why? Playing sexually, with flirtation, risque party games......or even a birthday spanking, all seem to be relatively innocent ways to channel our ever-present sexualities into something more manageable. As a parent I have found that demystifying things for kids takes the thrill out of doing dangerous things in secret. I wonder if we as adults allowed ourselves more outlets for our sexuality that was socially acceptable.....if it would make things better or worse?

    9. Very well explained, Professor KD. I took notes. Will there be a test?

      Notice: I am being "playful" here. But I am also liking the message. I agree that we can have it all. Or we can have just a particular slice of it that fits for us. For some people, engaging in play spanking dilutes, or obliterates the overall milieu of being in a genuine disciplinary relationship.

      Personally I do enjoy the "social aspects" of being spanked by others. But if I was forced to choose one way or the other, I would stick with the disciplinary aspects of the DWC lifestyle.

      But what I totally agree with, Professor, is that it's a great goal to have the emotional freedom to genuinely choose and express our complete selves without guilt. Like I said in another post, I find the idea of organized spanking role plays intriguing. Living theater :)

    10. I don't disagree with either of you, but I also think you may be mixing up some things when trying to figure out why there is resistance to some of what you are suggesting. Just because someone doesn't want to engage in group spanking situations doesn't mean they are ashamed of themselves or what they do. It may mean they just aren't into doing what they see as private or intimate things in groups. Different strokes for different folks. Their desire for privacy or lack, or lack of desire to put their sexuality on display, is no more a personality or socialization defect than is your desire for the opposite. Just different proclivities and interests resulting in different choices. Like I said above, I don't have any problem with anyone who wants to engage in spanking parties, though the prospect does nothing for me at all. It doesn't mean I'm more prudish or more judgmental -- it just means I'm not interested in something you are interested in. I totally agree that there is nothing at all "wrong" with things like risque party games. But, it becomes an issue if you insist that because you like risque party games everyone else should and, if they don't, there is something wrong with them.

      As we've talked about before, I also don't really agree with the goal of demystifying any particular kink or making it more mainstream. I think in doing so you risk taking away exactly the things that make it compelling. You're right that by demystifying things for kids you may take away the thrill of doing "dangerous" things in secret, but I'm not so sure that is a good thing. I did a lot of dangerous things in secret when I was a kid, and I look at some of those things with very fond memories, and the secrecy and danger were exactly what made them thrilling.

    11. Dan, You are misreading me. I have zero agenda with regard to judging how others ought to feel or act. Complete emotional freedom does not imply that someone would then choose to do what I like.

      Where does anyone say there is something wrong with people who don't want to get involved in social spanking anyway?

    12. It seemed to be implicit in the comments to the effect that people were so "ashamed of their sexual urges" and that this was reflected in things like not participating in certain group activities, and your statement that you liked the message. You seem awfully easy to offend today.

  9. Hi Dan

    I just wanted to check before I post anything further that my rather long contribution last week about my success in achieving tears from my hubby does not fall into your category of "compulsive verbal diarrhea". I'm new to blogs and I don't want to offend you or any of your readers by being too detailed.

    1. Hi Tina. Not at all. The issue is not length that makes a posting diarrhea. It's repetition and mindless regurgitation. Your stuff was anything but.

    2. Hi Dan, thank you for your reassurance. The main reason I decided to contribute to your forum was its evident integrity and honesty – something that seems to be generally lacking in society these days – so I’m pleased that you are trying to protect your forum. As I explained in the guest book section of your blog DD has played a powerful part in our domestic harmony. These days it is mainly Tim who earns serious punishment and when I have sentenced him to a whipping it is conducted with severe formality and I doubt that he would describe it as his desirable fantasy. I, on the other hand, get intense pleasure from beating him hard and watching him writhe under my lash so to a large extent it is my fantasy. When I have no reason to seriously discipline him we do enjoy fantasy play which may involve various scenes or role playing. I have a series of different wigs and each wig represents a different character. We have discussed our most intimate fantasies and Tim described how as a boy he fantasized repeatedly about a specific woman teacher who he imagined ordering him to her study and then punishing him by having him bend over in a series of different positions while she beat him with a cane. So to make this reality I ordered him to come home one day and take a letter, that I would write and pin to the door, and abide by its instructions. The letter instructed him to come in - go to my office, strip and bend over my desk to wait for his “teacher” to arrive. Then dressed in a short black wig, a pair of dark rimmed glasses, short black skirt and white blouse I arrived swishing a cane through the air. I instructed him to take a deep breath since I was about to beat him hard and then proceeded to whack his bottom having him change positions after each six strokes. Afterwards he shared that his teenage fantasy had just become reality and he loved it.

    3. Hi Tina. That is a great case of the fantasy becoming the reality. We haven't gone the role-play route and, personally, I don't know whether I would be able to separate out "real" DD from fantasy or "funishment" DD. Though others obviously can keep that separation.

    4. Hi Dan. You raise an interesting point - the difference between real punishment and funishment. We use both and I’ll explain why. Tim is the love of my life but early in our marriage I discovered some realities of living with a hard driven alpha male. Pressures of work caused him to have a short temper, moodiness and, when I tried to comfort him, sharp words. Driving with him was a nightmare always cursing other drivers. In more intimate times I raised these issues with him and he was very apologetic. He realized that he was taking his angst out on the person closest to him and suggested that since we both had the spanking kink, maybe I should try disciplinary spankings. This proved to be the time for introspection and caution. As with most women I was very sensitive to his male ego and feelings. I worried about how hard I should hit him, with what and for how long. I did not want to hurt him and nor did I want him to resent me. In discussion with him later he admitted that he was scared that I would think less of him as a man if he submitted to the humiliation of a genuine bare bottomed spanking. So we agreed to progress slowly and used scenes to create almost realistic situations where intensity and emotions were explored. I learned how to read his body under punishment. I recognized his limits and I developed certain immunity from the worry that I might hurt him and he may resent my actions. He meanwhile received my reassurance that I loved and respected him even more when he submitted to me. It did not take long to develop a domestic harmony contract after which true disciplinary whippings were administered with specific serious ceremony and none of the fun scene talk. He accepts and understands a real punishment and becomes genuinely contrite and apologetic as the strokes go way past his recognized play limits. It’s been an educational ride but we now understand each other implicitly and our life together has no sulky, quiet or moody moments – and yes we do still play with scenes.

    5. Hi Tina. Are you sure you aren't my wife writing under a pseudonym? Your Tim and I seem like twins separated at birth. :-)

      On "funishment," I do hope readers get that I don't have any problem with it, even though we don't engage in it. The reason we don't is two-fold. First, my wife has no interest at all in being spanked, and my own interest in "fun" spankings is pretty low. In terms of kinky sex acts, spanking just isn't way up there in terms of things that get my motor running. Second, I do think that for me being spanked for pleasure would detract from its effectiveness as a disciplinary tool.

    6. Tina's description of their role plays sounds amazing. I love the creativity involved and their ability to "willing suspend disbelief" to the point that they are in their own movie.

      If she is so inclined, I would love to hear more about that.

  10. N., my late first wife, first threatened (rather playfully) to spank me months before we were married, and soon proceeded to do so -all the more so after I confessed that I had had some prior "experience". N. quickly acquired a number of "tools" and set up a list of house rules, the breaching of which would earn me some "appropriate" rewards. In due time, she also decreed that I might be chastised in the presence of some (few) of her close friends - one of whom was J. whom I ended up marrying after N's untimely death, and who (predictably) soon revived the household disciplinary regime to which I had been (willingly) subjected... with some of her own additions (and "tools") and the occasional "assistance" of her sister...


  11. In the past I've fantasized about a witness present while being disciplined but in reality I would hate it unless perhaps it was a complete female stranger that we'd never have contact with again.
    I say this because my wife, at times, has been vocal about discipline or threatened me with same in front of others. I in turn get the message loud and clear but try to laugh it off as a joke out of embarrassment. Though it's not an everyday occurance, over the years it's been "joked" enough around some family and friends that I tend to wonder if anyone suspects it may not be a joke at all.

    A sample of phrases or partial phrase my wife has used would include; "I'll deal with you (or this) at home, "Just wait until I get you home", "He'll be singing another tune when I get him home" or the stronger "Do you want me to deal with you at home or would you prefer I handle things right now?"
    These on their own are pretty benign. Stronger warnings voiced that could cause others to suspect that my wife is serious have been; " What you (or he) needs is a beating!", I told him if he didn't stop I'd pull him across my knee", "Your about 2 minutes from a paddling." One of the more embarrassing is her direct question that often she demands an answer, "Do I need to spank you?" I ALWAYS answer no but laugh while making a joking comment.
    In the presence of others I have received a firm swat and sometime 2 swats to the seat of my pants with a warning or reprimand.
    I guess the most that was ever revealed was while in Miami on vacation,lying by the pool with the beaches visible. I commented on some skimpy bathing suits and pointed out topless bathers. My wife was patient but told me to stop a couple of times and later warned me and again told me to stop. When she'd had enough she got up and told me to come with her. I got up asking what was up, she ignored me and asked the woman next to her if she'd watch our chairs (with towels, drinks etc.). I asked again where she was going? Within earshot of the woman,and possibly a couple of other people near-by as well she answered, "To the room for a trip across my lap!" I felt myself flush and with sunglasses on I saw the woman look at my wife then me. I didn't turn my head towards her so she didn't know I saw her look but I wanted to die from embarrassment. I made a joke quietly so the woman heard but not my wife now a few feet in front of me.
    To add insult to injury I was sent back to our lounge chair to get the hairbrush from our beach bag. I grabbed the bag as my wife watched from about 40' away. She called out, "Not the whole bag just my brush." I started to say I'd just take the bag but was stopped as my wife yelled again but a little firmer, "Just the brush!"
    I guess any doubts were cleared as the woman watched me head back to my wife with just the wooden hairbrush in hand.
    My wife took the brush in hand and held mine with the other telling me "I needed a good paddling!"
    Once inside the room my suit came off immediately and over my wife's knee I went. It was hard and deliberate and I didn't want to sit down anywhere for awhile.
    Unfortunately I was taken back to the pool where I quietly hid my face behind a newspaper feeling like everyone could tell the color of my sore butt.
    Relief came first when we entered the cool water of the pool and next when the woman next to us got up and left while we were in the pool.
    We saw the woman around the hotel a few times without any interaction but I think I blushed each time. I didn't completely stop ogling but I sure didn't point anything out to my wife,
    That's how I know fantasy involving a witness would always be much better than reality!

  12. I agree the thought of a witness is thrilling but not something you would want in reality , especially if the witness was someone you know and will see again.In your situation at least it was a stranger who was aware you were spanked.
    My wife also enjoys dropping the veiled threats of a spanking in front of others .
    My situation was a little different as the 3rd party was a good friend and neighbour.My wife's girlfriend and I have always liked to tease and banter with each other when she comes over but it's mostly in good fun.
    However , one day I pushed it a little far touching on a sensitive subject to her friend ( which I was not aware of) and my wife told me to stop.
    Thinking she was kidding ,I continued my playful barbs and received one of those veiled threats something like ,"You're going to get it when 'J'leaves."
    J smiled at this and I'm sure she knew what my wife meant as she actually baited me to continue.
    Of course I took the bait and my wife rose from her seat.
    "OK that's it!" she said and strode off to the bedroom and returned with the paddle.
    "Go to the bedroom and get ready for a good dose of this once J leaves!"
    My face went so red it must have lit up the room and J had that 'gotcha' look on her face.
    I waited in the bedroom for a good half hour or so before J finally left.
    Needless to say my wife gave me one heck of a paddling which had me not wanting to sit.
    We saw J at church the next day and it was clear I was having trouble sitting on those darn wooden pews !
    J found this amusing and said, "I hope K wasn't too hard on you?"
    Interestingly I found the whole thing more exciting than embarrassing. Displaying the implement in front of others has to be one of the most effective tools a wife has.


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