Saturday, October 18, 2014

The Forum - Weekly Topic #61

Hello all.  I hope you had a good week and are enjoying what is proving to be, in my neck of the woods, a really gorgeous Autumn. 

Our poll related to professions is closed, so let's make that the subject of this week's Forum.  The results are in, and they are:

Doctor/Medical Provider
  3 (2%)
  13 (12%)
  4 (3%)
  5 (4%)
Other Profession
  14 (13%)
Business Executive
  12 (11%)
Business Non-Executive
  5 (4%)
  17 (15%)
Business Owner
  16 (14%)
  18 (16%)

Admittedly, this poll was about as unscientific as it could possibly be, suffering from among other things, a small sample size, a self-selected set of respondents, selection bias on the part of its author in choosing the categories, and probably a host of other problems that a trained statistician could point out.   But, even with a sample of only 107 self-selected respondents, a few interesting points worth discussing emerge.

First, members of the medical community either are not very interested in domestic discipline, do not visit domestic discipline or spanking oriented blogs very often, or are very shy when it comes to filling out polls.  I am, I admit, a bit puzzled by that one, because I have always believed that DD appeals to a lot of Alpha Males and guys with "control freak" tendencies or high-pressure jobs, and the medical profession seems to be chock full of those.  Or maybe I'm just projecting the attributes that seem to drive my own DD-oriented needs onto others.

Among those who are into DD, lawyers, business executives and business owners are over represented.  I also am a little surprised at how many engineers and technology professionals are represented, as I don't associate that group with the Alpha Male and "controller" archetypes that I usually associate with DD.  But, again, that observation may be, and likely is, no more than my own biases shining through.  Of course, the biggest problem with this poll is that the percentages may not reflect relative interest or participation in DD as much as being in a profession or personal situation that lends itself to having time and freedom to explore the blogosphere and find things like our Disciplined Husbands Forum.

Finally, "other" and "other professional" are, in combination, the largest block of respondents.  Which could indicate either that we have a very diverse group of visitors to this blog or that I did a really poor job of selecting job categories and left out one or two large segments of the DD community.

So, let's focus on that as part of this week's topic:  For those who are willing to share, what job, career or profession are YOU in, and what, if any, connection do you think there is between that job and your interest in DD?  Did the same personality factors that lead you into that career also influence your interest in DD?  For instance, if you are inclined to submit to your wife's authority, are you similarly submissive to authority at work.  Or, is the inverse true and you feel attracted to DD as a way of giving up the control you exercise on the job or, particularly for our Disciplinary Women, does exercising power and control in your marriage reflect any power dynamics in your work life?

I know that talking about jobs and professions may be sensitive for some, given that many do not want to reveal too much about themselves.  If there are sensitivities on that score (and there are for me), I would suggest posting your comment anonymously and not signing the name or pseudonym you usually use when participating in this blog. 


  1. I am a teacher. One reason the poll numbers may have been low for teachers is it is a young person's profession, and an open interest in spanking seems to be something that happens later in life. It also is a profession with many young women, and they may not visit these kinds of blogs as much. There also may be a reluctance to openly admit to being interested in this kind of blog because of all the rules governing teachers' personal behavior in and out of the classroom. It is a little ironic that the response among teachers was so low, given the number of spanking fantasies involving student-teacher settings.

  2. I'm in logistics for the construction industry. It pays extremely well, but one missed shipment and all Hell breaks lose. So stress is often high. For instance, I once got a call late one evening and they needed a 18 wheeler load of lumber (in specific sizes and quality) delivered the next morning by 6:30 AM. It got done, the price was incredibly high, but the project stayed on track. Needless to say, I did not get any sleep that night and I still had a full day's work ahead of me.

    I work very long hours (some projects require 7 day week workloads at certain times), have a family and kids, so I don't really have time to decompress, unless I ignore my family. When stress gets too high, I turn into a bear; which is good for no one. A good spanking is a fast way to bring me back. I do not have a "she's in-charge" relationship with my wife. We have a very traditional relationship, she is a stay at home mom; which we both really value. When I really screw up she can spank me. But screw up doesn't mean "forgot to fill up the gas tank or take out the trash" or a problem that causes me to be absent from the a special event, e.g. I had to fly out to correct a problem and missed the birth of one of my kids. Screw up means I forget our wedding anniversary (which did happen).

    1. HI Anonymous. Thanks for the comment. When the stress turns you into a bear, do you ask for a spanking to get rid of it, or does your wife order one because you've been behaving like a bear. Like you, stress turns me into a jerk, but it also is at those times that I am probably least likely to ask her for a spanking, because I'm trying to deal with the stressful situation.

      Like you, we don't have a "get spanked for not taking out the trash" kind of relationship. I don't think I would like one either. We tried something along the lines of that kind of "service submissive" kind of relationship, but it didn't work well for us.

  3. I'm a lawyer. I do think my profession is connected to my interest in discipline in multiple ways. Practicing law requires trying to control everything. Even simple things like drafting a contract can be stressful, because to protect your client you have to make sure that you cover every conceivable loophole and pitfall. If you do litigation and trial work, the parties are in active conflict, so you are trying to control someone who is actively trying to oppose you. I feel like I spend most of every day trying to keep everything from spinning out of control. Paradoxically, giving some of that control to my wife makes me feel more free. So, I definitely think submission and discipline helps offset some of the negative aspects of my career.

    My profession also is often the cause of me being disciplined, because it leads to "bad" behavior. I am in private practice, and there is a never-ending need to generate clients. That means lots of networking, socializing, forming and maintaining relationships, etc. A lot of that occurs over drinks, and drinking too much is one of the things my wife spanks me for.

  4. Dan, Logistics guy here. In answer to your question about whether my wife "orders one." I had to ask for the first ones. And we talked a lot. My wife saw a vast improvement in my "well being." One day she got very mad about something I had done, so she said I needed a good spanking. I consented since I was wrong, sorry and I wanted her back to normal. Over the next six to nine months, she spanked me more often for less important things. She thought she had found the magic bullet. I went along for it, because I started it.

    But one day she got really mad about something that was really small and blistered my butt, I still believe that she had had a stressful day and my act had sent her over the edge. After it was over, I was very resentful. Later I sat her down and we had a really good discussion. One of the defining moments was she stated that she unwilling to have me spank her if she made me mad and she realized how hypocritical it was (since we were not in a HOH relationship). Now she can state "I think you should spanked" and as long as I don't object I get spanked. I rarely get spanked for something I do wrong. And she has gotten really good at figuring out the moment that my stress level crosses over to "bear like behavior," so I almost never refuse a spanking and almost never need to ask her for one.

    One very memorable time was when I was on a job out of state, weather had caused us to get behind and a supplier over promised and could not meet our deadlines. We already needed to work 14-17 days straight to catch up from the weather and this supplier put us in the ditch. That night I was talking to my wife and I was cursing- a lot. I almost never curse (I stopped even before I met my wife). She listened and just let me vent. The next night she showed up at the hotel unannounced. She had flown her mother in to take care of the kids and she flew to me. After many hugs and kisses, she asked, in a very loving tone, if she could spank me. It caught me off guard, but I consented. After it was over, she just pampered me. She stayed until we finally got the work schedule/deliveries straightened out and she spanked me almost every night. That was the defining moment when we both knew we had found the right balance.

    Is it perfect? No, but I think we have a much closer relationship than almost most of our friends. As it stands now I probably refuse a spanking a couple of times a year and she never tries to force one on me.

    1. Logistics guy, this sounds like a really healthy relationship. Thanks for sharing.

  5. Hi Dan!

    I answered Other, simply because nothing else really seemed to apply. Prior to my forced medical rretirement in 2000 (Yes, I was VERY young) I was a psychiatric nurse. Retiring was something I resisted, because, believe it or not, I LOVED my job. Not many people can say it and mean it. In fact, I finally quit taking my required CEUs about 4 years ago, resigning myself to fate. I can no longer work in my field because I no longer hold a professional license. It's not like I could do it anyway...

    So, I'm 53 and officially retired. On the other hand, I'm a lifestyle Mistress with a 24/7 BDSM relationship with Shilo. We've just recently opened a Clips4Sale store, and I'm enjoying it. Who knew people would pay to watch my discipline sessions with Shilo? I keep a log of our videos, sales, and customers. I even made a Twitter account for it. Could this become a career? I'm not sure, but I enjoy it, and I feel productive.

  6. Dan

    My very first job, fresh out of college, was as a sales associate for a large urban
    real estate firm. I was assigned to the residential branch of the firm. My first boss
    was a woman. She was the daughter of the frames founder and had become a
    vice president of the firm by hard work and not heredity. She was 8 years older than
    I but we hit it off at once. I quickly became one of the firms top salesmen. At my end
    of year review I was given a large bonus but was told I needed to learn to deal with
    my moody behavior. If things were going well I was Prince Charming but let a deal
    fall apart or if the pressure got to be too much I would become a bear to everyone
    around me. This had been my MO since childhood. Boss Lady as I called her was
    the first that called me on it. I learned to control my temper and my earnings soared.
    So much so that I left the firm and started my own company.
    The pressures of a new firm made me very tense and I began barking at the sales
    force as well as anyone in view. My business fell apart and I ended up going back
    to work for Boss Lady. Within 6 months I was back making the best deals and became the salesperson of the year. Always Boss Lady kept me in check. I fell in love with
    her humor and her common sense.

    Two years later we ended up marrying. Shortly thereafter she left work to have our son.
    MY mother was visiting us right after the birth of our son when I came in one day after
    a terrible day at work. As my wife was feeding the baby, my Mom said something that
    annoyed me and I barked at her. My wife glared at me but my Mom laughed it off.
    "Don't worry dear, he will get over it . When he was a boy the only way I ever got him
    out of his moods was to spank him." We had dinner that night and it was in bed with
    the lights out my wife said. " If I ever see you behave like that or hear about you acting
    out like that I promise you I will spank you. I wont have my son growing up around that."

    About a week later I came in with what she calls the black cloud over me. She ignored it put the baby to bed then came down to living room with a hair brush in her hand.
    We argued a bit but long story short I bent over the arm chair pants around my ankles and took a harsh spanking with a brush.

    That was three years ago. We have adjusted and we talk but I know for some reason its what works to jolt me back to reality.

    1. Hi Anonymous. Your relationship has a great work-to home-to DD trajectory. I very much sympathize with the impact of temper on career advancement and need to take it firmly to heart. My own career arch has been similar to your early efforts -- initial success followed by temper-related decline. You apparently learned a less than I still have a very hard time coming to grips with. I know in my heart that you are absolutely correct and that learning to keep my temper in check is key, but when the moment hits there is always that excuse for why "this time" the temper-fit is justified.

      Thanks for sharing!

    2. as myt wife says when i make excuses .. no excuses bend over and take it ...

    3. My wife has the same philosophy - no discussion necessary, just drop 'em and get over my knee - take what you've earned like a man. From hanging around on forums like this for many years, I have realized that many couples cannot engage this lifestyle because the husband's masculinity would be diminished in the eyes of the wife, and one can certainly understand how some folks would see it that way. Fortunately for me - or not, depending on your point of view - my wife does not see it that way. For her, when a husband takes his licks for what his misbehavior has earned him, he is being responsible and "taking it like a man" . It doesn't matter if he is kicking, begging, and sobbing before the deed is done, he is still taking the spanking he has earned. --al

    4. That's a great way to look at it. I have wondered whether our DD relationship could make my wife see me as less manly. So far, doesn't seem to be the case. And, it's kind of the balance thing I've alluded to. Maybe the spanking makes me less Alpha, but that's not necessarily bad in her eyes. And, it increases HER power. So, my "masculinity" may go down a bit and hers goes up so, again, there is a balance.

    5. Dan
      Anna here. Let me just say it takes a " real man " to admit he needs his wife to bring him back to being a civilized person. More than anything I would say men need to stop needing to demonstrate how " Alpha " they are.
      love u really

    6. Hi Anna. I don't disagree that the world would probably be a better place if men were less Alpha or felt less need to demonstrate their Alpha bona fides. But, something tells me such a day is a long, long way in the future. But, I'm sure you and all the other Disciplinary Wives will be happy to lead that revolution. :-)

    7. Dan
      Indeed we ladies will both lead the revolution and take on the rear with a good firm hand!

  7. Hi Dan!
    I am a dispatcher in ground transportation/chauffeured car services.
    We work in teams of two or three, and due to my 20 years of experience in this, I am expected to take charge, take lead.
    And, I wouldn't have it any other way ... at work.
    At home, it's a relief to have Merry in charge.
    After some shifts, I come home ready to kick the dogs around (figuratively only... please, no hate mail, I dearly love all four of our dogs....and our cats move too fast!) or punch a wall or something equally stupid...and it's great to have Merry there to 'talk me down' AND set me straight.

    1. Seems to be a common theme developing in the comments -- taking charge at work = wanting to be taken charge of at home

  8. As I have posted before, I am a mid-level exec - with a position that makes me an active boss to a number of lower level managers and employees. It is a relatively high stress position but well suited to my normal alpha male personality. There is no doubt in my mind, though, that my inclination to F/M discipline is definitely related to a need to give up the control on occasion - an in a very real dramatic way. --al

    1. Thanks Al. Same here regarding needing to let go of control.


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