Saturday, August 9, 2014

The Forum - Question of the Week #54

Hi all. Welcome back.  Hope you had a great week.  Mine was a bit hellish on the work front.  Not the environment, just the workload. Which accounts for the brevity of the question last week and also the tardiness of my replies to some comments.  In any event, the storm, has not passed, so this week may also be a bit shorter on timely interaction with all of you than I would otherwise like.  Anyway, with than whiny apology out of the way . . .

One of our readers suggested a few weeks ago that we haven't had a lot of topics related to dealing with children in the context of a DD relationship.  We've touched on those issues a few times, but let's open it up for a wider discussion.  If you have children, how have you dealt with things like when, if ever, they should learn that the wife wears the pants?  How have you kept spanking sessions private?  Or, do you think that DD-FLR side of your marriage even should be private?  Also, were you the product of a DD or FLR marriage?  When and did you learn about that aspect your parents' relationship dynamic, and what effects do you think that had on you back then and today?

Have a great weekend.



  1. My parents are in a female led marriage. I am 19 and discovered all of this last winter. Was supposed to go home for a holiday weekend, but then cancelled. At the last minute changed my mind and chose to surprise my parents.
    Walked into kitchen to find my dad bent over the table, pants around his ankles and my mom paddling his ass. I froze for a moment not sure what to do. I was about to walk out when my Dad
    called me back. Was very awkward. Very very awkward.
    Went up to my room, and sat there till my dad came up. As I sat there i realized that my folks who are very middle class had shown signs that Mom was in charge. I had a thousand emotions but when Dad came up i merely said " I love you " He hugged me and suggested i read up on
    female led marriages. I did . He also suggested I begin reading your blog. I do !
    After great thought I am so proud that my folks have found a way to have a happy and committed marriage.

  2. Your reaction was very mature and accepting. I'm glad you not only didn't reject your parents because their relationship was a little unconventional, but that it actually made you proud of them. That's great!

  3. Hi,

    I am married to my wonderful Mistress/Wife, we have two children who have now grown up and basically left the nest. We have never let on about our FLM/R, it's just not right to burden children with this. If it was more mainstream and accepted by society we may have thought differently about our decision.

  4. I have been in a female led marriage that includes weekly discipline sessions for almost four years now. I am a man of 45 and this marriage and my mistress/wife has been the answer to my prayers.
    I have two boys 20 and 21. Before I married my wife I chose to tell them about what our marriage was going to be about. My sons are bright and merely smiled and told me to be happy. We dont discuss what we do but they are aware and by telling them it has made it easier for me to say I need to check with Beth before accepting a date with them.
    It has worked out. They love Beth and see my contentment. As time passes and we are all more familiar with it they become aware at small things. When I dont go to a ball game or go play golf they understand I am being punished for something.

    First time contributor

    1. Welcome first-timer. Thanks for contributing. Hope to year from you again soon.

    2. I think you make a very good point. Sometimes, possibly an acknowledgement of an FLM is enough. It is nobody's business what a loving couple does in their privacy. If it were a vanilla relationship I'm certain there would be general conversation about how that couple has sex, or doesn't have sex.

      Good point.

  5. The kids have known for a long time that mom is in charge. They don't know how she enforces that and I don't plan to tell them anytime soon.

  6. My Mistress Wife and I are in a WLM of course. As to your first question, we don't feel that is ever any legitimate reason for there to be any obvious outward expression of a Female Dominance in our household. That being said, there is no expression of male dominance either. We are 24/7 and when we are not in a private situation (and that will always include being around the kids, at whatever age they may be), we simple interact in an always mutually respectful vanilla manner. If there are issues that during those vanilla like times that should be dealt with (like punishment for infractions), they are dealt with at the first possible private moment. Spanking and punishments are never, ever carried -out when the children are around. Mistress K. would be mortified if her children where to stumble upon such an event by accident.

  7. As I've stated here on another related question, we are very "out". In my past marriage we tried to keep things secret and until recently I thought things were unknown, but my current adult kids have both told me they had figured it out long ago, without ever being told.

    With Rosa, she expressed a desire to be open as a family right from the start. Her kids definitely know and all are fine with it. Granted that acceptance might be far less if the roles were reversed and it was their Mom being punished for behavior, but as it is they seem to enjoy the knowledge that their Mom is in charge. Each has personally benefited from the situation in that over the years each of them has had at least a few instances where I did something to hurt their feelings and their Mom took their side. As a result, I found myself in a little family discussion where Rosa would not only have me apologize but assure the offended party that I would be punished for my behavior. In these instances she would even solicit their input on "how many I should get". None of them ever had a problem offering a number and seemed very pleased when I'd then be led to our bedroom and spanked behind closed doors....but within easy hearing.

    1. Isn't it interesting how the gender roles impact people's reactions to this question. As you point out, some kids might be accepting of a woman disciplining her husband but would see the opposite as domestic abuse even if consensual. Conversely, many commenters are insistent that children should not be exposed to the FLR aspects of a marriage, yet for thousands of years women were treated as the subservient party in most marriages, and few express a real problem with children growing up in that "traditional" marriage environment.

  8. Thank you kdpierre for your very interesting testimony. Your lifestyle looks balanced and healthy, especially because it is accepted by the whole family.

    However, as Rosa is in charge, I wonder if it’s normal that she asks to her sons to say “how many you should get” when you did something to hurt their feelings. It should be up to her to decide, even if hers sons are aware. How old are her sons? Can you give a concrete example when you were punished in this case? How is the family discussion?

    Doumik, french reader


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