Friday, July 4, 2014

The Forum - Question of the Week #49

Happy Independence Day!  I hope you all had a relaxing, abbreviated work week.  Thanks to all the contributors to last week's discussion.  It was illuminating.  For me, it also was a bit reassuring.  When I started this blog, I really wanted it to be focused not on spanking per se, and not on Femdom to the extent that entails some kind of overall female superiority, but on Domestic Discipline.  I don't care a lot about how that is defined, but in general I want the blog to be about relationships in which the husband is subject to his wife's discipline when he strays into bad behavior.  That discipline sometimes, though not always, takes the form of corporal punishment, i.e. spanking. 

All these terms are fluid, and I try not to use them as part of an exclusionary process resulting in putting people into little boxes labeled "Us" and "Them." There is more than enough of that in the world.  But, I have wanted this blog to stay true to its original Domestic Discipline focus for the simple reason that there are plenty of blogs out there devoted to spanking, to Femdom, and to BDSM, but there just aren't that many that really focus on Domestic Discipline.   For years, it was just the Disciplinary Wives Club and a handful of Yahoo groups. 

Therefore, what I found reassuring about a lot of the responses to the last post was that the majority of the comments reflected the core elements of Domestic Discipline, i.e. using corporal and other punishment for disciplinary purposes.  While the element of the wife's dominance is inherent in a F/m DD relationship, it seems like a lot of this group are not interested in a more Femdom-oriented relationship in which it is more about female superiority and service/slave relationships. 

Now, I say this recognizing that my wife and I are injecting more of those "service" elements into our own relationship. But, we're really doing it not for its own sake but, rather, to help increase her confidence and assertiveness as a Disciplinary Wife.  While we have made a lot of progress over the years, we have just never quite gotten to where we want to be when it comes to her naturally, conspicuously and consistently assuming an assertive role.  So, we are over-compensating for awhile until the state we are aiming for becomes more natural.

I began this entry with the observation that there just aren't that many blogs devoted to Domestic Discipline of the F/m variety.  And, some of the best ones have fallen by the wayside.  (Recidivist, are you out there among our readers?)  So, this week's question is, why aren't there more blogs out there that focus on Domestic Discipline, and why do so many of the people who contribute to blogs like mine do so in wholly anonymous fashion, without even using a pseudonym? Is the lack of blogs in this area a function of the fact that there really aren't many people practicing Domestic Discipline?  Or, is it something else, like a fear of being outed?  And, what about those who post anonymously?  Is it, again, fear of being outed?  For the record, I too have that fear, but it's offset by a compulsion to communicate, as anonymous as they may be in the world of pseudonymous blogging, that doesn't seem to work as well without an identity that people can communicate with.

Hope you all have a great holiday weekend. Be safe!



  1. It's Susie. I know I explained to you why I use the anonymous feature. Honestly, I'm not shy in the least bit about my activity. Even my neighbors know I have an "unconventional" household, and the few male neighbors who see me smile and nod like they're jealous.My guess is that they wish they had the balls to live how we live.

    This week has been full of spankings and it gives my inner sadist joy. I've read a few FLDD blogs but most of them focus on other things too. Maybe I should write, but I'm to busy living my life to focus on an aspect that is only a tiny part of who I am.

  2. I think the reason that there aren't there more blogs out there focussing on Domestic Discipline is that not everyone finds it easy to express themselves in terms that they think will be interesting to others. I struggled with this in my blog since there’s not always new stuff to talk about.
    Not everyone has the time or inclination to blog either – especially about something this personal. It’s very difficult psychologically for a man to admit that his Lady wife/partner runs the house and punishes him physically for any mistakes. It’s even more difficult to write about. That’s my feeling anyway.
    I think those who contribute to blogs like ours in an anonymous fashion, without even using a pseudonym, do so largely out of fear of being outed, which, as I say , is also a reason not to blog.
    Let’s face it, nearly all of us who blog use a pseudonym to hide our true identity – and I’ve often had panic attacks wondering what might happen if I was outed.
    I think, like you, I must have some kind of compulsion to communicate (your term) which drives me to continue with the blog – and I like the fact that blogging, and contributing to other blogs, allows Mistress and I to get feedback on what we do - and understand how others deal with similar situations that we face because living a FLR is no more plain sailing than a vanilla relationship.
    Some of the anonymous posters offer inspirational comments and ideas, and it’s just a shame they don’t embrace the blogosphere to share more of their experiences
    It’s impossible to say if the lack of F/m DD blogs is because there really aren't many people practicing DD. I’m also on FetLife and there seems to be many men who take a submissive role – many of them with DD regimes.
    I’d like to think that there’s a lot more FLRs than we imagine. For years women have controlled households – by their sheer authority, and by holding the whiphand! Women are more empowered now than any time in recent history so I imagine there are lots of men like us in FLRs and many having living to a strict DD regime.

    1. I understand the challenge in coming up with new content. It is one reason I decided to use a question and answer format; less pressure on me to come up with something original to say all the time. And, that concern is intertwined with the other you identify, i.e. the fear of being outed. One solution to the first problem is to treat the blog as a journal in which you record events in your DD life and also your deepest thoughts, desires, etc. But, those kind of personal revelations both increase the odds of someone figuring out your identity and also make being outed all the more embarrassing if it were to occur.

  3. I had a blog for a short time when we were just taking the beginning steps in our DD life, but both fizzled out pretty quickly (though it has recently been rekindled). As the interest died out in my wife, so did my desire for publishing anything on my blog. I felt like I didn't have anything to say that would be of interest so I let it die. I suspect there are many couples out there who embrace this lifestyle, but writing about it takes time and discipline, something that's not always easy to fit into day to day life. I do think your format of Q & A is a good one because it invites commentary and discussion.

  4. I, for one, have a blog (nine or ten of them, in fact), but the relevant one, merryslavesdiary, is a great method of putting into words, my emotions and feelings of what happens in our relationship, that I am often unable to vocalize to her, and she is thus able to read for herself.
    It started out as a slave's diary, me as a slave to her, but we've shifted into more of an FLR-DD relationship. Whatever the name of the relationship is: she is the HoH, and she spanks me whenever she wants to, not that I mind a bit.
    My opinion: women are less inclined to blog about being HoH; they're happy in the relation
    So that leaves the men, who do most of the blogging.
    And how many of them are or are not embarrassed to come right out and say, "My wife is the boss in my household and I am the husband that gets spanked by her?"
    I gotta think, that there's some, or plenty, of guys, who would just rather not blab or blog about it.

  5. Certainly, during spankings, just before and after I am in the mode of a disciplined husband. Over the thirty years of my wife spanking me, there has been an evolution. I started as a spanko and she really had a hard time accommodating me. Now the spankings have evolved from spankings for the relief or thrill to rather hard bare bottom hair brush spankings in which she is clearly spanking me for my own good. Recently she has spanked me for whining about what I feel are my short comings at work, or not taking care of myself. The last spanking she gave me with the belt and paddle came from her frustration with me. She spanked because she wanted to spank. It was very deep down meaningful and exciting as well. Most all my spankings leave me feeling intensely intimate.

    So in the rest of our marriage it is pretty equal . Although I never spank her.

    Even though I do not live a HoH female life , this blog fits exactly with domestic spankings for me with the women leading and dominate. So I am not into other aspects of domestic discipline with other punishments. But I feel close to they philosophy if you can call it that of this blog.

  6. Dan
    This blog is needed. I am sure for every response you get that there are many who never comment but need to have this one place to read about their needs and struggles. If you are ever looking for a new topic, one area that isnt explored much is how a couple can manage discipline and children. Our boys are almost nine and I am aware of making sure they arent aware of any
    punishment session and more important how i speak with their dad. perhaps an area others may have info to share.
    Thanks for this blog. IT IS IMPORTANT !


    1. Anna and Tommy, I very much appreciate the comments and the compliments. It's sort of a strange thing for me. I never really set out for the blog to be important to anyone, but I also recognize that the website I see as the predecessor of this blog--the Disciplinary Wives Club--really did have a profound impact on my life and my marriage. Hell, I came across it one day and within a week, after talking to my wife about it. our marriage went in a completely different direction that we are still exploring 10 years later. But, the thing I wanted to do diffently with this blog, and why I appreciate your comments,was to use it to open up a real discussion. I think a lot of these blogs, website and groups break down when someone appoints themselves as an "authority" on a topic. So, I hope this blog is, in fact, a place for people to hang out and weigh in with their own views.

      Regarding managing discipline with children around, I had a topic on that several months ago, and it did generate some interesting discussion. It's probably time to explore it again, so I'll do a post on it again in the very near future.

  7. I agree with Anna. It really is a great blog Dan. Thanks to your effort and imagination that you put into it. My thanks to you.

  8. I think you are doing a great job too Dan. There are very few blogs that encourage comment like yours - and the discussion is always interesting as it's good to get an understanding of how DD works for others. Thanks


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