Saturday, April 12, 2014

The Forum 41 - More on Beginnings and Others Knowing

 Hello all.  Welcome back to the Forum.  I hope you all had a good week.  We had some great exchanges last week, branching beyond the original topic, which is how a good conversation should flow.  Our original topic began with kids knowing about their parents' domestic discipline activities, and we ended up exploring that and a lot more, including how people arrive at their fascination with disciplinary spankings and others knowing about your DD lifestyle.  

So, this week, let's explore those themes a little more, and I'll deviate slightly from our normal practice by raising two topics.  Both come from exchanges from reader and new contributor Bart Stone, whose comments on last week's topic included the following related to an early spanking from his mother-in-law: 

"I know most of your readers are here to exchange stories about as you call it funishment. What my wife and I have mostly falls into that category. What I wonder about is how many readers trace their fascination to some real disciplinary spanking as a child or some interaction with a female authoritarian figure. I am now in my sixties and have carried the feeling of my first experience for more than forty years. It is a powerful memory and being able to interact with others who might get it is very valuable."

- and -

"It was really humiliating, and I was so worried that she would tell someone. As far as I know she never did. It took sometime before I could bring myself to tell my wife because I thought she would not only think it ridiculous but also that I was some kind of weakling. That night as I sat with a sore bottom I was embarrassed thinking the family some how knew. A few times over the years my mother in law made some comments and gave me a look that made me go weak in the knees."

The second of those comments drew this response from me:

"I really can't imagine how embarrassing that would be. Though I've never had a real desire to be spanked in front of someone else or to have others know about our DD relationship, there is something I do find more than a little intriguing about the posts from you guys who have other female relatives who know about it. It has to add to the sense of vulnerability, that you are not only spanked by your wife, but have also been spanked by other women or the family and could be again, or at least that others know about the situation, know you are subject to a woman's discipline, etc."

So, for this week's topics, tell us about:

(1) Whether your fascination with spanking started with some early disciplinary spanking or encounter with a female authority figure; and

(2)  Does anyone other than your current or former DD partner know about your spanking and F/m discipline lifestyle?  If so, how did that come about?  How does it make you feel that others know.

I'll kick things off with some observations from my own experience.  See below.  Also, a reminder that the poll I instituted at the start of this blog closes soon.  (See poll on the right side of the blog, just below the picture.)  If you haven't done so already, please take a minute to let us know your status as disciplined male, female disciplinarian, someone who would like to explore either of those, or just curious. Also, please take a moment to go to the Guestbook section and tell us a little about yourself. 


  1. To answer my own questions:

    My fascination with domestic discipline does not, at least consciously, relate to any early disciplinary spankings or encounters with dominant women. If anything, it may be the opposite. While my mother was a very strong personality, I grew up without anyone imposing many real boundaries on my behavior. And, while it may have seemed kind of fun at the time, it came with a downside. I often felt out of control and like the only one who could impose any control was me. I think part of my fascination with domestic discipline was an odd comfort associated with the prospect of someone else imposing those boundaries on me. But, unlike a lot of men who enter into this kind of lifestyle, I did not have an early fascination with spanking or female control. I don't recall having any feelings about such things, or about having thought of them at all, until I was in my mid-30s.

    One other person knows about our domestic discipline lifestyle. One day over a few beers, I told a friend of mine from college about it. We'll call her Jamie. Over the years, she had become a mutual friend of mine and my wife. I don't recall exactly how it came up. I think we were just talking about how things were going in our respective relationships, and I told her that things had gone in a very different, and good, direction in my relationship with my wife. I ended up describing the whole thing. She thought it was very interesting, though not really her cup of tea. Some time later, I admitted to my wife that I told Jamie about our DD activities. She was shocked and more than a little embarrassed, though not as angry as I had thought she might me. And, a few weeks later, embarrassment payback was fully rendered when my wife and Jamie went to a ball game together. They had a few drinks together after the game, and on the drive home my wife called from her cellphone, with Jamie in the car, to tell me that had talked all about our DD activities, this time with my wife telling her about it from the female perspective. With Jamie listening in, she told me that even though she and Jamie had a great talk about the whole thing. she was still mad that I had told someone without permission and, therefore, I should expect a hard spanking that night. I could hear Jamie giggling in the background. I was mortified, though I absolutely deserved it.

  2. My wife has disciplined me since about a week before we were married over 20 years ago. Her daughter was 14 when we were married but I've raised her as my own and we are very close as father and daughter. She was disciplined by her mother for misbehavior and would be sent to her room when needed to wait for her mother to come spank her. I have never witnessed her spankings nor did I have a desire to. My spankings would come after her daughter was in bed or when she was out of the house.
    One day when she was about 16 we were joking with each other and she told me she knew her mother spanked me. It's a long story but this was the bottom line. At first I was mortified but she eased my mind some by saying she had never told anyone else and never would. She said she had told her mother about a week before. After her mother found out that I knew that she knew, she said there was no need to wait til late night or til she was gone. I would be disciplined when needed just as her daughter was. At first it was embarrassing and awkward to be sent to the bedroom to wait while her daughter was sent to the den to watch tv or something else. As time went on though, it became the norm.
    That was over 20 years ago. Our daughter is a beautiful woman in her mid 30's, married and good career. She and I have shared many stories over the years and at times been a comfort to one another. She is a wonderful daughter who loves and respects me as her own father. We are very close. It's been a wonderful 20 years of marriage beyond anything I could have imagined.


    1. Jim, thanks for the contribution. Sounds like a great family dynamic. Do you know know whether your daughter has carried on the F/m domestic discipline tradition?

    2. Yes, she does carry it on but of course he has no idea that I get spanked too. Our daughter would never let that be known. Of course, she tells me about them and sometimes tells her mother when he has really acted up. She and I have always talked to each other about our own spankings so it's just normal conversation for us.
      Also, just because she is grown and out of the house she knows that her mother will still take her to her room if she deems necessary. Her husband of course doesn't know this.
      Yes, it's a great family dynamic that very few could relate to I think.

  3. I cannot relate my interest to some childhood event....though my interest definitely started in childhood.

    As for others knowing? In our circle most everyone now knows.....both family and certain friends. The key to anything is "know your audience". My honey, Rosa, is also not terribly shy about people knowing and kind of enjoys telling select people. So far it has never been an issue and in fact has resulted in some great conversations and interactions. Our neighbors were very receptive, with the wife even being interested in living similarly. Unfortunately her husband doesn't seem receptive to being in my position, so I think she sort of gets a vicarious thrill through her interactions with us. Rosa has said that she wouldn't plan a joint venture, but if our neighbor ever happened to wander over when I was being punished, she would not hesitate to have her see it happen.

    1. You are braver than me. I'm not quite there yet regarding others knowing, and my wife is very much not there. If we do share with anyone else in our social circle, I think it will be years away. But, you never know.

  4. Our domestic discipline has no foundation in my childhood, although I received many discipline spankings over those years. It was a coworker of my wife’s who got my wife interested in DD. My wife admired how her husband was a “perfect” husband and wanted to find out how she was able to get him to act the way he treated her. Her friend gave her written material regarding DD and femdom and female led marriages etc. At the time, I was a free spirit with no consequences for my actions. My wife slowly implemented DD into our relationship while being coached by her close friend. A huge turning point came when my wife explained to her friend that spanking me was not effective and I laughed it off. My wife was instructed to stop spanking me as if I was a child and to use a wooden spoon or paddle and … “blister his ass”. True effective punishment spankings began! At the same time she took charge in the bedroom. She took control of when, where and how I would achieve an orgasm. The two of them are still close friends and she knows everything regarding our DD lifestyle and how I am punished. I have to admit that my marriage would not have survived if my wife didn’t take charge when she did and took control over my behavior and activities.

    1. Thanks Anonymous. It's amazing how much more open some women are, though my wife is not one of them. It is hard to imagine two male co-workers sharing that the secret to their marriage is receiving disciplinary spankings. I have one close friend from work who I think desperately needs his wife to take that kind of control, but I would never dream of suggesting it to him.

  5. My thoughts that I should be spanked started around 9. I had a strict mother but she did not believe in spanking, so I would have long drawn-out punishments like stay in my room all day and washing dishes every night for a week. I had seen two cousins spanked, one a girl I saw two times and a boy once and this was about the time I started the third grade and we had a female teacher who really believed in paddling student a LOT. With my cousin once they were spanked it was over, they were not punished beyond the spanking, the same was true with the students and it just seemed right that I should get a spanking and it would be over. I remember thinking that my bottom wanted a spanking. Maybe if I would have been spanked/paddled then, I would not have had the need/desire later. I started thinking of doing something bad around 7th grade and on to get paddled in school but always shied away from it because boys were not to cry then; I should have done it in the lower grades when boys could cry.

    Looking back I think the third grade teacher was either a spanker (and enjoyed it), or was just sadistic. I was never paddle in school but that year I would have to think that 60 to 70% of the class was and it was done in the front of the class. Paddling was done all through my K-12 school years, but I never saw any teacher paddle as much as she did. The state I was raised in dropped paddling in the mid 70’s.

    Who knew about my getting spanked; when I was married my mother-in-law and my wife’s best GF. Over the 35 years since I was married 5 people knew, 3 of those I no longer see, they have moved away form the area.


    1. I grew up in an area of the country where spankings were similarly prevalent, and had a few teachers who were not shy about using the paddle. And, in most families, the rule was that if you did something bad enough to get paddled at school, you could expect an even worse one when you got home.

  6. Nothing in my childhood brought on this desire for me.
    It hit me, during my senior year in high school, with the purchase, out of curiosity, of illustrated books related to spanking and corporal punishment...and ...I was hooked.
    But, back then, I fancied myself as the spankER of female backsides.
    It took time and ..more time... until I realized, my real fantasy and desire was to be ... over the lap of a female spanker.
    And, years passed before it became ... real.
    Through a fortuitous series of events, I became the masochistic submissive play partner to a sadistic dominant woman....who became my wife, just less than six months from the day we met.

    IT's a rather large 'fetlife' community, here in Southern Cal, and we are both active on that site, and attend frequent parties, so all the folks that know us in the community, know our relationship.
    My wife is active in a number of groups that are offshoots from the Masons, and so has many 'vanilla' friends around us.
    I know she has told at least one of those friends about our DD relationship.
    I have one friend who is a driver by trade, and drops by our house when he is passing by with time available, and we play chess.
    The second time he was over, he noticed the spanking bench in our living room, and my wife made it clear that I am the one that spends time kneeling on it, not her.
    How do I feel about others knowing ..that I'm on the receiving end, in a DD relationship?
    Well... it does not bother me, not even a bit.
    I just don't... get embarrassed ...or humiliated... about ... anything.

  7. While I have always been interested in being spanked, my parents never did. I tried to get them to and they even treathened but never did. I remember my mom saying she was going to use the woodenspoon and also spank the top of the thighs where it really hurts so i wouldn't be able to sit down but she never did.
    My doctor knows. I went in for a routine check up and he wanted to do a prostate exam. I told him next time but he said I know guys and they always say next time so we are doing it today. He told me to take down my pants and underwear and bend over the exam table. My wife had spanked me about an hour before, so there i was bent over the exam table bare bottomed and a bright red backside for him to see. He didn't say anything but definitly stared. At first i was embarassed but then i enjoyed it. Told my wife and she got a kick out of it

  8. Dan
    I wrote last time about our situation. As I said last time my wife spanking me began before we married. She felt very strongly that she wouldnt go further in a relationship with someone who tended to be " a smart mouth " I adjusted to her taking me over her knee and we married. Spanking continued into our marriage and when our
    sons were born 22 years ago we adjusted our scenes to when they were not in the house or we would sneak away for privacy.
    As I related this past holiday season we thought we were to be alone both boys had other plans. It was then
    that one or our boys walked in on us in the middle of the session. We were all embarrassed by it but I got a note
    from our son saying it was fine with him that we were good parents and he loved us
    Well he and his brother came back here this past weekend and well I chose to tell both of them that i was open to any questions. Was so happy how well the adjusted to it. So now both our boys know and I am no longer feeling i have disappointed them.

    a spanked dad
    Later we had twin sons who are now 22

    1. Wow! That is a huge step. I'm glad it turned out so well.

  9. I found these responses interesting. While my kids came across my wife's tools and clearly surprised us during a session. The idea that they know their mom spanks me is somehow less embarrassing then the idea that they might find out that their grand mother spanked me. As they are adults now they might be able to rationalize what a husband and wife do in the course of a relationship. The idea of them thinking about their grand mother disciplining their dad with his pants down is still too embarrassing.

  10. I have been interested in spanking as long as I can remember. I was spanked at home but it usually wasn't much. I never liked the thought of my parents spanking me. I 5th grade I had a crush on one of my teachers. She was a spanker. I managed to misbehave enough one day for her to paddle me. Wow did it sting. I was staying with my aunt at the time while my little sister was in the hospital. My aunt met me at the school bus. She marched me inside, pulled my pants down, laid me flat on the bed, got my uncles belt and gave me my first real spanking. I had friends that I played spanking games with over the years until I met my wife. The first real spanking she gave me was on my 25th birthday. She has been spanking me ever since. The only one who knows is her sister. Who knew sisters would talk about such things?

    1. There was the same system in place where I grew up; If you got paddled at school, you could expect another at home that night.

  11. I think I had a fascination with spanking from a pretty young age, but can't imagine why. Spankings were not uncommon in our house growing up and usually all it took was for our mother to threaten to get the paddle to rein one of us in. She was the disciplanarian of the family. When the paddle did come out (or a hairbrush), it was always on the bare and over her lap. There were infrequent times when one of us got it in front of the others, but usually it was in private. Funny how after all these years I can still remember the last one I got from her when I was about 7 years old, yet don't remember any others before that. Can still see that paddle resting on a pile of laundry as she came into my room to deal with me. As for anyone else knowing about our F/m situation, the answer is no. Don't think my spouse would tell anyone and I've kept it to myself.

    1. My experience is similar with respect to spanking by my mother. I remember only one, also at about the age of 7. I'm sure I got others before that, but I don't remember any before or after.

  12. I can trace my interest to childhood, but not to any spanking I received myself. My mother did not spank me. She was a yeller. My siblings and I often yelled back. There was plenty of argument in our household. She often threatened with "your butt will be sore when your father gets home" but usually the spat had blown over by that time.

    My friend was raised my a single mom. His house always seemed very peaceful to me. His mother seemed very friendly but he and his siblings were almost always very respectful. I learned why one day when his little brother got mouthy about something. She gave him a stern warning about watching his lip but he didn't take the hint. After another outburst, she calmly grabbed him by the arm and marched him off to another room. After the sound of a few swats, we heard him start to cry. After a good many more, he went off to his room and the mother calmly returned and picked up the conversation. She never lost her temper as seemed to be the case when my father decided to take me or my siblings over his knee.

    At that time, I assumed everyone got spanked the same way I did: with a bare hand over the seat of my pants. Later, he was over when I got it. (I actually got it fairly often since it was hard to predict what would make my dad do it.) After I recovered, he asked me if that was how my dad always did it or if he just left my pants on because I had a friend over. He was as shocked to learn that some kids got it with their pants on as I was to learn that some kids got it on the bare bottom.

    I always had a crush on my friends mom. She was kind and yet strong. The crush grew stronger after I overheard her giving a spanking and stronger yet after I learned that she did it on the bare bottom. I often fantasized about having her spank me but it never happened. Frankly, I couldn't bring myself to mis-behave around her.


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