Saturday, July 22, 2017

The Forum - Vol. 215 - Resources


A woman in love will do almost anything for a man, except give up the desire to improve him.
Nathaniel Branden. (US psychologist)

Hello all.  Welcome back to The Forum.  Our weekly gathering of women and men who are in, or would like to be in, Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationships.  I hope you had a good week.  Mine was busy.  A little too busy, and it hasn't ended yet.  My business is project-oriented, and it can be feast or famine.  Just a few weeks ago I was whining that I didn't have much to do, and now I'm so busy I can't see straight.  Seldom is there a happy medium.  I've also been having some employee issues.  One in particular involves a very headstrong guy who has a lot of great qualities, maturing not being among them.  At forty years-old, he's still locked firmly in "Bro" culture, with one foot in the professional world and one firmly in the world of college frat boy culture.  He's one of those guys who could really profit from a steady relationship with a woman wielding a big paddle.  But, unless you happen to get "lucky" and end up with a woman who introduces you to such things, you need to have at least enough self-awareness to realize you need help with goals, boundaries, maturity, etc. and then you have to make the move to ask someone to help you attain those things.  Unfortunately, this guy is not remotely self-aware enough to even own up to the havoc his immaturity and judgment issues wreak on himself on those around him.  So, I suspect his life may become a series of very hard lessons.  Which is maybe an irony about these DD relationships versus something more vanilla.  Some may recoil from DD because it seems harsh or the consequences of breaking the rules are just too painful.  But, it is a pain with a finite start and end.  In contrast, an undisciplined lifestyle can result in all sorts of long-term pain and angst and negative personal and professional career impact. The same thing obviously applies to the overall relationship.  Lots of non-DD couples are living Thoreau's lives of "quiet desperation," grinding their way through simmering resentment and hurt feelings, while most who have tried DD report that one of the key benefits is problems are dealt with quickly, then the couple moves on.  So, do you want your pain now and all in one dose, or long and slow and grinding?

After that philosophical lead in, I'm going to go in the opposite direction for this week's topic and keep it very grounded.  TB brought up the issue of FM fiction and suggested a topic involving the best sources for it. I'll expand that a little.  Do you have favorite blogs, websites or books that have inspired or guided you when it comes to DD or FLR relationships?  I admit that most of the stuff I've found out there is pretty dreadful, to the point that I've thought about writing my own "how to" book, though I've never found the time to do it.  I don't spend a lot of time with DD-related fiction, because again I don't have a lot of free time, and I haven't found much out there that is worth the little time I have. But, I do think that  some of it can serve a purpose beyond entertainment.  I have sent a lot of DD-oriented journal entries to my wife over the years, but I've noticed that when I have sent along some DD-oriented fiction that seems to illustrate the severity or tone I wish for, she seems to respond more than when I just say it directly in a journal or even face-to-face.

Anyway, as I said, my own list is not extensive, but here are a few thoughts on resources I may not have referred to before or in awhile:
  • The "real" DWC website:  www.auntkaysdwc.com
  • Spanking Life:  http://www.spankinglife.com.  I recently ran across this.  The stories are a little repetitive and only some of it is DD or FLR themed, but there are a few I liked.
  • The Hesitant Mistress (this book is probably the most realistic book I've found on setting up a real world FLR)
  • The Good Wife's Guide to Taking Charge
What about you?  Are there particular blogs, websites or books that have been particularly helpful, or entertaining, for you or your spouse as you explore and experiment?

I hope you have a good week. 

49 comments:

  1. I have worked very hard to write fiction that is fun and fresh......and very rooted in real life experiences. Some of the situations are lifted right out of past experiences with only minor changes. Granted, as a writer, some of my stories venture a little further out and explore other issues and situations, but even then, the characters are based on real people and the action well within the realm of how things actually work.

    It has been one of my greatest frustrations to have my work only appeal to a very narrow subset of a subset. Those lucky few who live the lifestyle seem to like my stuff much better than the huge audience of spank-virgins looking to satisfy their itch through reading titillating stories.

    And considering how long my work has been 'out there'..... and in two locations (the LSF and my website), it is depressing how few people have read them.

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    1. You and I are much alike in some ways, but the frustration with audience size isn't one of them. I think you must be far more of an exhibitionist than I am. :-)

      But, in all seriousness, you expressed frustration that your work appeals only to a subset of a subset, while I get frustrated at the commenters who try to push this into a general spanking or "funishment" blog, when I don't *want* it to focus on spanking in general or as a fetish divorced from any disciplinary context. I very much want to focus on that subset of a subset that uses spanking as a tool in disciplinary spanking dynamic. Yet, sometimes half the comments are from spanking fetishists whose relationships have little or nothing to do with spanking as real adult corporal punishment and who go out of their way to explain that they are *not* in a DD relationship and don't want to be. I would much rather of 10 readers making on-point comments than 10,000 who just have a spanking fetish.

      On a more practical note, I also wonder how good Google and other search engines really are at picking up some spanking-oriented websites. As you know, I have a thing for woodsheds, and I have from time to time looked for spanking stories with that as a theme. I'm always surprised at how little comes up, other than YouTube videos. There may be a "needle in the haystack" thing going on. The Bloggers "stats" screen shows the top search terms used to find this blog, and it's pretty clear that most people are looking specifically for this blog (they are using terms like "spanked hubbies") or the terms are very tightly focused -- terms like "spanked husbands." I'm pretty sure that any more generalized search would lead to this blog only on the third or fourth page of results, if that. Which is fine with me for the reasons just discussed. But, in your case, I wonder if the problem is exacerbated by the titles of your blog and website, which don't refer or allude to spanking or discipline or husband's being spanked. I'm no expert on search engines, but I wouldn't be surprised if a more generalized title makes it less likely to pop up in response to F/m spanking related searches.

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    2. I have thought about that wording might be keeping me from coming up in searches, but I do so like the "Collected Submissions" tag. Oh well. Maybe someone here will see my reply and check out my stories? Hermione just ran one and it got a few positive comments.......all from people who had never heard of me. (And I've been around since the 90's!)

      But I'm not complaining about the blog this time. I was focusing more on the website.......which can be used for free, while costing me money each year. The thing is full of art and cartoons, and plenty of stories (that I think are a bit different from the usual) and I don't really think it gets much traffic.

      I'm also on the LSF, (Library of Spanking Fiction) and even have a few e-books on Amazon.....but so far not very many seem as interested in my reality based fiction as they were in "50 Shades of Grey". LOL

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    3. I think my comment got lost, but I wanted to add.....sorry, I don't have any woodshed stories.....but I do have a coming of age story with a boy getting switched while bent over an old abandoned well. (The Woman of the Well) but it might not be your thing. There are 3 spankings in it, but the first is not exactly a true punishment.....but close, the second is, and the third is something else entirely. ;-)

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    4. Yeah, I long ago gave up trying to give up trying to figure out the success of 50 Shades. Terrible writing, uninteresting heroine . . . A female friend who is fairly kinky told me she thinks it appeals to people not with spanking fetishes but, rather, wealth fetishes. Seen in that light, it's really just a kinkier if less engaging "Pretty Woman." Girl meets attractive but emotionally screwed up super rich guy. She reforms him. He marries her and in doing so becomes super rich herself.

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  2. Part 1
    Wow, what great discussion last week, and I am looking forward to see what people suggest this week for resources. Unfortunately, I don’t have any good resources to share; even though I spend too much time looking online it is primarily just random pictures on Tumblr.

    Dan, I hope it is ok to post this in this week’s discussion, since nobody would read it if I posted it in last week’s section which is probably where it belongs. But I really did want to follow up a bit more, particularly since there was some excellent discussion the past couple of days.

    Darren Reddened, to answer your question a few days ago about whether who introduced the idea of discipline, it was me. She was quite familiar with the overall concept of corporal punishment, since in the country she is from, it was very common for teachers to use a cane or switch to punish students’ hands (since I grew up in America, I instead have a rather morbid fascination with the paddle)! But while she understood corporal punishment, she had no idea consenting adults engaged in activities such as this. On her own she never would have thought of it, nor would she even consider it if it wasn’t what I wanted and needed.

    She was quite open to the idea from the beginning, as she is to most everything. However, it always has been and remains difficult to draw the line between fantasy and reality, especially because my biggest FANTASY is to receive REAL punishments for REAL infractions!

    No matter how we approach it, It is in fact always somewhat of a game because in the end, it is totally rooted in my fantasy. If I didn’t have this fantasy, there is no chance whatsoever that it would ever happen since that would constitute abuse.

    However, she has really taken to it for two reasons. First, she gets turned on by punishing me. Perhaps it sounds bad to say that punishing me turns her on, but the reason that it turns her on so much is because she knows that the whole thing is my biggest turn-on, even if I might not exactly want it at that time. She is not a sadist, but rather is greatly turned on by fulfilling my wants, needs, and desires, even if they might be a bit painful and unusual.

    Secondly, she loves what it does for our relationship. Everything we do is rooted in our love for each other, and our desire to have a happy marriage. She wants to help me achieve my personal goals and reduce my frustration and stress caused by my lack of self discipline. Considering that she came from a previous relationship where she had little or no voice, and that women are largely treated as second-class citizens in her home country, I think that she does love the empowerment that she feels (and in fact control and power) BUT she didn’t seize this authority over me, but rather I freely gave it to her and encourage her to freely exercise it.

    This is a huge win-win for both of us, because she gets to help me achieve my goals and become ever more responsible, which is good for both of us, but also we get to truly share and participate in my deepest fantasies, and now my fantasy is becoming our fantasy. At the same time, when we have an issue, she has a way of speaking very clearly to me through my fantasy, so her voice is truly heard. Because I clearly hear her and understand her perspective, I want to change not because I fear discipline (though sometimes I do!) but because of the deep love I have for her. And of course, I get some of the feeling of limits and boundaries that I seem to so need.

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  3. Hi Dan, not sure what happened to part 2, so here it is again. Please delete this if it is a duplicate.


    Part 2

    Now, about it being a game… In fact, because I am sexually turned on by submission (though I am rather aggressive in other areas of life, like business), there is always a certain element of "game" to everything we do related to this. We have two basic scenarios that play out, which we lump together as #1 (real domestic discipline) and #2 (fantasy roleplay). She might say “I have a great idea for #2. I can be a nurse, and you will be a doctor who has been treating me badly, so I will make you do whatever I want or else I will ruin your career.” #2 is pure role-play, and even though it will likely include punishment and so on it is just play and (usually painful) fun. This is great for her, because she loves the role play and acting element.

    On the other hand, she might say “I am tired of you saying that you are leaving work right now, and then not coming for another hour. This calls for a #1.” In this case, when I hear “#1”, I know that it is a real issue that she cares about, and she is going to give me a very real punishment.

    I know that in the end it is somewhat confusing. The line between fantasy and reality is very difficult to see at times, and we blur it even more by also playing role-play games. But it seems to really work for both of us regardless of whether we are doing the “totally a game” scenes, or whether we are doing the “real punishment for real offenses which satisfies a huge fantasy and improves real life” thing.

    What I would like from her, and she is definitely getting there, is more delineation between play and real. If it is #2, then it is a game, we both know it is a game, and everything just goes however it goes. On the other hand, if it is a real issue and she has decided to make it a #1, then I want her to be absolutely resolute, stern, unmerciful, and strict and for there to be no hint whatsoever that it is a game to her. These punishments don’t happen all the time, but when they do, I want her to push me well past my limits until I am desperate for the punishment to stop, and then to only stop after I have quit fighting and have submitted to and accepted the punishment, so in the end I will feel well and truly punished and it will be at the forefront of my thoughts for the next several days.

    Are we there yet? Probably not. But we are going in the right direction and are both loving the journey that we are sharing and the intimacy it brings us, so for me I am going to call it perfect!

    -ZM

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    1. Thanks, ZM. For no apparent rhyme or reason, Part 1 posted with no problems, while I just found your original version of Part 2 in the Spam box.

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    2. ZM- Thanks so much for taking the time for such a detailed response! Totally get the fantasy spanks versus the #1 spanks that are for real life disciplinary reasons. I can completely relate to ur desire for her to become even more of a true disciplinarian in those circumstances. That's what I'm striving to get initiated. Appreciate ur input. It helps for me (I'm guessing I'm not the only one in this situation) as I'm trying to get wife to become more in charge. So being able to communicate w someone else that's still earlier in the process of this is a huge help.

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  4. Well I haven't seen or read anything that influenced us in any way. What goes on in my mind keeps me busy enough but I thank you for the resource.

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  5. The only semi fictional writing I read comes from KDP. Shilo will occasionally write as well,but much of it is based on truth.

    There's just not much going on right now that can be shared.

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    1. You just made my day! Thanks!

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    2. You're welcome. Did you really not know that I read your stuff? As a part of your "round table" I'm shocked!

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    3. Well I knew you read me.....but not that I was an exclusive treat. That's quite an honor.

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  6. Good topic. Me and Mrs GL are making it up as we go along and whilst more resources as good as this blog would be great we are content to make our own mistakes.

    As for F/M fiction the little I have read came via Amazon so I assume classed as fairly bland?
    Cheers Good Life Mickey

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    1. Nothing wrong with making it up as you go along.

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  7. Resources?? I am of an age when resources were from the old "dirty book store", that I used to frequent as a teenager. I fall into the category of spanko that does not know where it came from but "it" has always been there. I was in said book store because it was on a corner by the bus stop. 5th & Hennepin Mpls. MN. I was 15 years old and anyway there it was... "spanking 69" by Dr Guenter Klow. Talk about fantasy resource material...I have copies of this series and this author still today. Since then I am obsessed with the written word on our particular subject. The corner book stores in those days could provide you with anything from books on astrology, maps,The New York Times, even paperback porn,(in the back) while you were waiting for your bus. I ramble on a bit nostalgic I know but I miss those options sometimes...

    stevie

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    1. I remember a similar news and magazine store in my college hometown. Looking back, that store probably was my first introduction to the kinkier side of life. Compared to today's private internet browsing, it also seemed far more risque entering such a store, walking to the back, looking through the various magazines and books.

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    2. Stevie,

      I likewise relied upon and well remember "the dirty book store". I could not wait every month for "Mr Magazine" to come out, which always seem to have 2 or 3 accounts of spanking in "Letters to the Editor", most of which were Male Dom (naughty wives and daughters). This would be in the 1970's. Even better I found a used "dirty book store" that had old copies of Mr Magazine back from the 1960's - I still have the portions containing the spanking letters and stories to this day.

      Carl H

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  8. There are some great specifically DD audio clips on this site: http://spankingaudioclips.com

    There are free sample clips you can try out.

    Last week, she also posted a new free sample clip at:

    https://someonesgonnagetit.wordpress.com/2017/07/20/elizabeth-burns-sound-spankings-test/

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  9. Dan
    I too find the books you mentioned the best reading. Dana Kane spanks used to be a fun site. She is attractive and seemed to have a variety of men and women she spanked. There are previews of some
    at the clip site Dana Kane Spanks.
    Peter

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    1. Hi Peter. I have seen some of her stuff. Agree it's good. I also like the Big Ass Book of Strict Wives Stories.

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  10. One of my most enjoyable and interesting resource site is spanking tube at http://www.spankingtube.com/ There is a category button where you can select which type of action may be of interest such as “Women spanking Men”; “caning”; “paddling” etc. Some videos have given me ideas for new positions for my Hubby. As for books I have some favorites – I’m a romantic. I like stories that have two people in love with the discipline and punishment administered as part of that loving relationship. Stories where the wife cuckolds her hubby or publicly humiliates him simply make me angry. My suggestions for reading would be:
    • “Lyon on a Leash” by Erosa Knowles – Summed up by the title “She had the key to his heart and his collar”. Love and discipline – my favorite.
    • “Submission” by Sara Wyatt – Deep affection between the man and woman but with some exciting graphic descriptions of punishment.
    • “Disciplined Husband” by Lucy Appleby – strong loving and respectful relationship but with some pretty severe discipline. I like this story.
    • “Love, Sex and the Whip” by Sara Wyatt – Good story about a long time married couple for who things are not working out so they introduce DD into their marriage. Written from both woman and man’s perspective. The first section of the book could have been me and my hubby and I thoroughly enjoyed it. In the later part of the story, however, the woman gets them involved with another couple with full on sex and for me that spoiled the book – too much like infidelity.
    All books are available for download on Amazon.

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    1. Tina, you are a class lady. :)

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    2. Tina, to me this is the problem with soooooo many DD and FLR books. They start off with a strong focus on DD and FLR, but by the end just become BDSM crap with all the "scenes" and "cuckholding" crap that none of them seem to be able to resist importing into DD.

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    3. Thanks for your compliment Tomy. Both Tim and I respect each other deeply even though I punish him quite severely at times but it is encouraging to hear others who enjoy our lifestyle recognizing that I try to run our DD with class. Thanks. On another subject I believe that the feelings that are created during the lead up to and the administration of any real punishment are extraordinarily important for both parties. There is an anticipation for those who are about to experience pain and for those that are about to deliver it. These feelings have been quite confusing for me as we’ve traveled along our DD journey – and my hubby has told me he has experienced major swings in feelings as he has become more and more submissive to accepting real disciplinary spankings. One of the books I suggested “Love, Sex and the Whip” is written with each partner recounting their feelings as they venture down the DD path to improve their marriage. Even though I did not like the way the story later developed - I’d still like to reference some of these comments to demonstrate these feelings.
      The two characters are Amanda and James and Amanda has chosen to try DD since their marriage had become stale and was falling apart. She felt she was simply being taken for granted. She had also found spanking information on Jim’s computer. However even after deciding to introduce spanking she had doubts while he is waiting for his first spanking. She says “I felt quite emotional and very confused about what I was going to do. I was going to physically hurt the man I love, for love – we could forget this and go and make love, wouldn’t that be better than hurting the poor dear.” However she continues with the punishment and as she is bringing the hairbrush down hard she notes ”Suddenly in a moment of clarity came a surge of power which just coursed through me: I really wanted to do this. The more he wriggled and pleaded the more I wanted to hit him, the pent up emotion from the years of neglect somehow asserted itself, he had taken me for granted for too long. I worried about it later was I sadistic?” The following day she replayed the scene in her head and thought “I could not quite believe what I had done and more to the point I could not believe that he had let me do it. I knew in my heart that I was right and I think he did too, but it is hard to inflict punishment. Then there was the adrenaline rush I got. It was very confusing”
      I personally understand how Amanda felt since this is exactly the torturous thought process I initially experienced. Now we are well past those beginner feelings and I now accept that having introduced DD into our lives Tim and I have never been happier. He is so loving and attentive and freely admits he needs my discipline. As time has progressed I have discovered he expects me to be more severe with real punishments and to be fair this delights me since I have found that the power to wield the cane or paddle has become intoxicating. As ZM describes in his interesting contribution his wife enjoys spanking him since she gets turned on. ZM I have to tell you that I am the same I get turned on dramatically when I am whipping my hubby and much of it is due to the fact (to use your words) that I am “fulfilling his wants, needs and desires even though they may be painful and unusual”. There is no doubt that this DD lifestyle is strange and confusing but so intensely exciting and incredibly stimulating if both players can commit to the intensity that is sometimes necessary. I have really enjoyed reading the last two weeks blogs Thanks Dan.

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    4. Thanks Tina! I love hearing your perspective (from the other end of the paddle or cane)! I know it must be hard to admit that punishing your husband turns you on, but it is yet another way that this lifestyle is great for all parties involved.
      -ZM

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  11. Dan, May I plug my own blog here? If not, please delete this comment. While my writing is not fiction or lengthy, it is my attempt to document the actual maintenance spankings occurring in our 24/7 DD relationship. It can be found right here on blogger or find it at mymaintenanceday.blogspot

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  12. Sorry, I don't know what happened or I just hit the wrong key. The address again is mymaintenanceday.blogspot.com

    thanks spankedcowboy

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  13. hi Dan,

    It's funny you should ask about resources because I'm on a mailing list for a regular-ish newsletter from Lady Pandora, a well know English Lady disciplinarian. She just came up with the same topic of conversion and below are some of the resources I suggested to her. Not all are strictly DD but all involve corporal punishment administered to men by females.


    https://im-hers.blogspot.co.uk
    Submissive guy discussing his DD relationship with his wife/Mistress

    http://femdomthinktank.blogspot.co.uk
    Interesting UK site discussing all matters femdom

    http://womanincontrol.blogspot.co.uk
    A Lady’s perspective in a femdom marriage

    http://strictjuliespanks.blogspot.co.uk
    Another female-led blog on femdom. Latest post discusses diaper punishment

    http://diestarkefrau.blogspot.co.uk
    Well written femdom blog by a German Lady

    http://dominant-wife.blogspot.co.uk
    A very wordy femdom blog with a commercial slant (nothing wrong with that)

    http://rohrstockpalast.blogspot.co.uk
    German couple into corporal punishment. Lots of interesting discussion

    http://dommewife.blogspot.co.uk
    More BDSM maybe than DD but Ms Kathleen used to write some interesting posts. Not as frequent posts these days but plenty in the archive to look back and enjoy

    http://wifesincharge.blogspot.co.uk
    Dianne is an American Lady who spanks her husband for discipline. But the blog has a much wider content than just CP. And every post gets a huge response.

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  14. I enjoy re-reading the classic FLR how-to sites, like "A Married Woman's Guide", https://toy4her.wordpress.com/, "Real Women Don't Do Housework" http://rwddh.com/, or the "Male Training Theory" section on Dreamloverlabs http://www.dreamloverlabs.com/theory.php.

    I bet these lines from the Married Woman's Guide site probably resonate with many people here:

    "For most men it is not the punishment, but the power of the woman doing the punishing, that arouses. A good, hard spanking hurts and is humiliating while it is happening. The notion that you have or may at any time cause him those feelings makes you excruciatingly desirable to him. "

    Of course, the posts and comments right here on DisciplinedHubbies are some of the most arousing reading!
    CrimsonKing

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    1. Thank you everyone for all for the recommended resources! While I had seen some of them, at least a few are new to me and will make for interesting reading.
      Much of what I have found is presumably fiction, which of course I still enjoy. Unless it says it is fiction, there is of course no way to know but there are generally indications. For example, my assumption is that almost everything that involves anyone else witnessing a spanking (mother in law, sister in law, friend, etc. ) has about a 99% chance of being fiction because no matter how we may view them, DD and FLR are generally considered as sexual by society, so therefore are usually best kept private.

      However, I do wonder, especially in light of 50 Shades and the consequent ease of talking about subjects like this, if maybe some of our wives have told (openly or hinting) their sisters or very close friends about their activities?
      While there is a scarcity of F/M material, there seems to be much larger amounts of M/F resources for DD. Probably many/most of the same concepts apply, with the exception of the shift of power. Have any of you found any of these types of resources useful in any way?

      In the end, this site has been the most useful I have found, particularly in the relational and emotional aspects surrounding DD or FLR.
      -ZM

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    2. Hi ZM. I agree that whenever someone talks about witnesses, it is at least a red flag. There is a track record with people like Alan and KD that they speak truth, but from there I get very skeptical. The interesting thing about 50 Shades is, I doubt it could have succeeded without Kindle and iBook apps, which allowed people to read it anonymously. But, I admit, while I think the anonymity provided by technology contributed to success, I did see plenty of people openly reading it.

      I have gotten involved in one M/f-oriented DD group, and I enjoy it. I thin for the most part the motivations are the same, but I do think for many there is an emphasis on the Dom as "daddy" or "protector" that I don't see a corollary for in most DD. In fact, in DD the focus seems to be on being her sub at home but her "knight" in other contexts. But, other than that factor, I think a lot of the motivation seems to be the same.

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    3. Ha ha! My husband and I play with other women. My latest blog post even has photos! If woman-initiated, it's pretty easy to get a threeway on!

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    4. Have you seen that Saturday Night Live sketch on "It's not gay if it's a three-way"?

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    5. Julie's, I of course recognize that there are people who have witnesses during spankings or involve others in their play. However, I think it happens less often than I read about it. I think guys write about it a lot since it appears to be a common fantasy.

      Btw, I LOVE your blog!

      -ZM

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  15. I agree that the Hesitant Mistress is very good - my wife often reads sections to me .... In the same theme is the 'Good Wife's Guide to taking charge' and is also excellent.

    KDPIERRE = outstanding fiction, really getting inside the heads & motivations rather than extended descriptions. John Graves and John Benson (all on LSF), very realistic, grounded, still fiction but feels close to reality. More of this would be good.

    I have a special place for good quality F/M spanking art - so much more evocative than real people pictures (or videos although SpnkingTube as an earlier commentator pointed out is quite good).

    The DWC site is a game changer as is this blog :)

    TB

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    1. Thank you for that compliment, TB! I long for more readers who want the 'inside the head' aspect more than the 'whack whack whack' aspect. ;-)

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    2. Spanking without any disciplinary context is basically boring. I've been there and simply had to walk away from it. It felt absurd. Again, that's just me.

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    3. i couldn't agree with you more Tomy, it only works as domestic discipline if you are being punished for a real faults.

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    4. We did spanking in a non-DD context for only a very short time prior to finding DD. Didn't do much for either of us.

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    5. We did it initially in a non-DD context and enjoyed it but both realised how useful it would be for our relationship to have a mechanism to correct anything that annoyed Mistress. We've never suffered the rows or sulks that some relationships are blighted by - but it seemed a perfect way to ensure we never would be.

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  16. I agree totally that for it to have any meaning, it needs to be real punishment for real faults, in a disciplinary context, otherwise it is just fantasy or S/M play. However, in this forum we are talking about just that: real punishment for real infractions, in a disciplinary context, within a committed relationship. So with this as the context, I am still very curious to explore the "whack whack whack" aspects. I know that this opens the door to people writing about their spanking fantasies and somehow losing focus on DD/FLR relationships, but in fact punishment is a VERY significant difference from a non-DD/FLR relationship, so there is not really a lot of stuff out there about this, particularly in relationships such as ours.

    I guess the thing I would most like to read about is just how exactly does an average punishment go (not so much stress relief or maintenance, since they have less emotions going o). This has been touched on in some previous topics here, but usually there is almost no detail. I have looked on many other sites as well, but really haven't found what I am looking for. For example, is she angry, or cool, calm, and collected? How does she "pass judgement" and is it a surprise, or does she announce it ahead of time? Does it start with scolding, or is that interspersed? What instruments are used, how many times, how hard, and in which order? Are other alternative elements included in the punishment, like corner time, mouth-soaping, hand punishment, etc.? How long are the effects felt and/or visible?

    I would really like to know what is "normal," and who better to learn from than other people who share the same (or similar) context, goals, etc.?

    -ZM

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    1. ZM, sorry, I'm not sure what to say about this one. We've actually covered virtually all those topics, and recently. So not all in one place but in just the last 5 or 6 months we've talked about duration of spanking her demeanor, lecturing, anticipation (just last week), instruments, etc. It probably has been a little while on severity, but not that long. Anyway, I would suggest going back and reading a few months of entries . . .

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  17. Probably the most significant piece of writing I found was when I stumbled across the website...://www.wilderstreetpublishing.com.

    They feature a number of books dedicated to helping wives understand the need so many men have to be in a "flr" relationship and the associated desire to be spanked by thier wives.

    I purchased both books, Spanking in the Male Mind and How to spank Your Man.
    The books (at least for me and my wife) were "ground breaking" and allowed us to have at last an honest, mature and open discussion about the subjects that were so important to me.

    Previous to these two publications there was little discussion and much frustration (on both our parts) whenever the subject came up.

    I knew what I wanted (and why) she didn't understand it and looked upon it as a chore at best, so even the few times a year we did attempt to incorporate it into our routines the results were usually unfulfilling and frustrating for the both of us.

    The books were so well written and tastefully done in plain everyday language I was very comfortable in introducing them to my wife and asking her if we could discuss them.

    From there we read them together and had discussions as we went. She asked questions, I answered and I asked questions she answered and basically were able to have the frank dialogue we had never previously had during our marriage.

    We have grown tremendously because of these publications and are more fulfilled and satisfied than ever. More importantly we continue to grow and communicate regarding the subject because we now know how to do so and because we better understand each other.

    Didn't mean to go on so long but again I can't tell you how much these two publications did for this area of our life

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    1. I haven't seen those but will take a look

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    2. Wonderfkul that you benefited from that author's good work.

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  18. Regarding fiction, everyone should really give "Venus in Furs" a read, if they haven't already.

    Though it's definitely more of a master/slave relationship, and not a happy one at that, it's still one of the founding documents of male submission.

    Plus there's whipping, and lots of great lines.

    "If you love me, be cruel towards me," I pleaded with upraised eyes. "If I love you," repeated Wanda. "Very well!" She stepped back and looked at me with a sombre smile. _"Be then my slave, and know what it means to be delivered into the hands of a woman."

    or

    "I am beginning to feel a demonic curiosity to see how far your strength goes. I take a cruel joy in seeing you tremble and writhe beneath my whip, and in hearing your groans and wails; I want to go on whipping without pity until you beg for mercy, until you lose your senses. You have awakened dangerous elements in my being."

    CrimsonKing

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