Hi all. Welcome back to the Disciplined Husbands Forum, our weekly gathering of men and women participating or interested in Domestic Discipline and FLR relationships. I hope you had a great week.
Last week, one of our commenters gave a glimpse of an FLR system that is geared toward addressing work-related issues, not household chores and personal behavior problems. As he described it: "[W]e began a FLR relationship that is focused not on home-life but my job. Her discipline to me is about my job performance, not the chores that I do. I have to tell her how my work is going and where my shortfalls are. She punishes me for those areas where I could have done better (based upon my self-reported on my performance)."
The way this commenter described both his work life (all consuming), its impact on him, and the centrality of his work role to his family's well-being struck a chord with me. Hell, his description of his life is something I could just cut and paste into my Blogger profile description. This follows on a comment a few months ago from a guy who talked about how his stressful job caused him to flame out on those around him, which caused him to be less successful than he could have been. He eventually left that job and started his own shop, but the behavior problems got in the way. With the help of his former boss and current disciplinarian, he got his act together, started treating everyone better at work, and his productivity soared.
All of this really hits home with me. I have had a pretty successful career, but it could always be better, and the areas in which I fail tend to result from me shooting myself in the foot. Temper problems. Criticizing loudly every bit of bureaucratic stupidity. Driving everyone around me to be as "Type A" as I am. And to be perfectly honest, like most people, I don't always live up to my own standards. Too many items stay on the "to do" list for too long. My follow-through isn't always flawless. In short, there are aspects of my work-related performance that could use some help.
How about you? Have you ever used domestic discipline to address workplace issues? Are you ever punished, or do you ever punish your significant other, for misbehaving at work? For not being productive? For mistreating colleagues, subordinates or superiors? How do you find out about those problems? Whether you are the disciplinarian or the disciplined partner, what impact if any does DD have on your job role?
Have a great week.
Dan
Last week, one of our commenters gave a glimpse of an FLR system that is geared toward addressing work-related issues, not household chores and personal behavior problems. As he described it: "[W]e began a FLR relationship that is focused not on home-life but my job. Her discipline to me is about my job performance, not the chores that I do. I have to tell her how my work is going and where my shortfalls are. She punishes me for those areas where I could have done better (based upon my self-reported on my performance)."
The way this commenter described both his work life (all consuming), its impact on him, and the centrality of his work role to his family's well-being struck a chord with me. Hell, his description of his life is something I could just cut and paste into my Blogger profile description. This follows on a comment a few months ago from a guy who talked about how his stressful job caused him to flame out on those around him, which caused him to be less successful than he could have been. He eventually left that job and started his own shop, but the behavior problems got in the way. With the help of his former boss and current disciplinarian, he got his act together, started treating everyone better at work, and his productivity soared.
All of this really hits home with me. I have had a pretty successful career, but it could always be better, and the areas in which I fail tend to result from me shooting myself in the foot. Temper problems. Criticizing loudly every bit of bureaucratic stupidity. Driving everyone around me to be as "Type A" as I am. And to be perfectly honest, like most people, I don't always live up to my own standards. Too many items stay on the "to do" list for too long. My follow-through isn't always flawless. In short, there are aspects of my work-related performance that could use some help.
How about you? Have you ever used domestic discipline to address workplace issues? Are you ever punished, or do you ever punish your significant other, for misbehaving at work? For not being productive? For mistreating colleagues, subordinates or superiors? How do you find out about those problems? Whether you are the disciplinarian or the disciplined partner, what impact if any does DD have on your job role?
Have a great week.
Dan
Hi Dan,
ReplyDeleteOur DD relationship focuses almost exclusively on our relationship and home life. If I brought home an attitude or persistent moodiness, she would deal with it but because it impacts the relationship ,and not because of work.During our periodic behavior reviews, workplace issues do come up and she might counsel me but I have never been punished because of something I did or didn't do at work.I think we both see DD as about strengthening and protecting our relationship and not about career. The girlfriend who introduced me to DD did feel a little different about it because she worked at the same company I did and knew a lot more about what was going on at work.Early in our relationship she did punish me for what she called my "self destructive" tendencies at work and I have to admit that helped me with some things that were hurting me then.This same girlfriend threatened me several times to spank me in my own office if she needed to do so. I never thought she would actually do it but I never tested her either. Looking back I think she would have done it if I had actually challenged her on it
Alan
Hi Alan. Your response gets at an interesting question -- do the wives who do not spank for work-related issues not do so because work issues do not impact them directly, or because they do not know about those issues? Probably a mix of both.
DeleteMy answer is no. But I've been meaning to throw out some advice for what it's worth to you Dan. I've read your openings and responses on this blog. You are obviously a bright guy with a lot of drive frustrated by the company you work for. I was in the same position, and changed jobs early in the game to gain broad experience from each until I had enough to start my own company. It was clear to me that I could not be politically correct enough to succeed working for others. The solution, although it took some guts, was to develop my own consulting business. Over time, with the same personality and drive and temper issues, it became a 40+ consulting company. I gave a lot of thought to marketing, sales and technical expertise and a lay of the land before I made the jump. Being on your own requires long hours and fear of failure (not discipline from my wife) which was my main driving force. I also found employees who could complement me. It worked and I made a lot of money for about 25 years before retiring. I have no doubt you can do it. At least you might think about and consider it. Working for one company, unless you are a very good politician, usually leads to a dead end. Good luck whether you do or not.
ReplyDeleteFred
Thanks, Fred. I don't disagree, and I have thought more than once about going out on my own. You are right that working for others is inherently frustrating, at least given my personality. I have worked in a range of sizes of shops, from very small to way too damn large. Small is better, though that too was working for someone else. At some point, I expect I will end up either in a place that I found, or at least as an owner of a much smaller place with a group of like-minded co-venturers. Unfortunately, what I do right now requires pretty large teams, so going out on my own would likely require convincing a bunch of others to defect. Not that such a thing is out of the question, but it complicates things. In any event, I hear you and don't disagree. It's more a question of "when" than "if"
DeleteI think at a former company in which I had temper issues and just pissing my workers off, I could have benefitted from regular spankings with scolding about the specific things. When I separated from that company, my wife did take the paddle to me with good effect, that propelled me in my job search, which actually resulted in a better job at a much better company. However, I look back at my behavior at the other place and if I had told my wife about the things rather than bottle them up until I was stressed out, it would been better for me and my health to get a strong ass paddling from time to time. my new job has yet to stress me out because my new employer appreciates my expertise and makes good use of it and trusts me to perform to the absolute best of my ability. there is a big difference right there between my current employer and the former one. BTW, my wife does spank me regularly but not because of my job as I am not stressed out nor on call 24/7 as it did affect homelife. She spanks me because she wants to and I love it.
ReplyDeleteBaxter
Hi Baxter. It sounds like she did a great job of getting you through some jobs and job transitions.
DeleteHappy Valentine's Day morning to all, especially our superiors at home! i just got the coffee started.
ReplyDeleteDiscipline here is separate from work things, at least on my end (no pun intended). i do well at work also, and it's pretty distinct from anything around here. Dealing with administrative frustrations at times impacts my mood, which sometimes shows up here, and has to be dealt with every once in a while.
On the job suggestion discussion, interestingly enough my Wife has decided it's time to push on and have Her own consulting company. So, there's a transition there, as She has quit Her job and is moving out with marketing and other related start-up things. She's bolder than i am! Btw, i'm a little afraid that She will catch me "zoning out" as She discusses new work arrangements (as She did all during our dinner out on Friday), and now THAT will result in future discipline! i could help her with spreadsheets and stuff, but that's about it... she's even better at fixing computers than me!
As for Valentine's Day, i was spooning (position, lol!) her upstairs a bit ago, but our agreement is i don't "initiate" sex now with the new arrangements. Figure She could feel i was a little amorous, but when She mentioned a hot flash, and later our son in college, i figured She'd decided. i do miss initiating, but it's cut down on fights and frustration doing it this way.
For those of you who's Wives like you in panties (like here), i hope She's picked out a nice red or pink pair for you, lol! :)
Hoping my Wife has plans to rally later with a spanking this afternoon. An unfortunate offshoot of spanking is She's learned that spanking me during intercourse gets an energetic thrusting response, and She seems to enjoy all that entails!! On the other hand, she often says She wants to avoid all the "mess and bother," and just spanks me in my panties and has me take care of myself like that. Her guilt "solved"... i never know.
I expect to be cooking some shrimp for Her for dinner, in any case! Happy Valentine spankings! :)
sara
That's great that she is going out and pursuing her own business. Sounds like a great development.
DeleteHi Dan. Several years ago I was our areas Fire Chief. I thought I did pretty well keeping Fd issues at the station but I guess not so well. One day my wife finally had enough. She said I was taking my work frustrations on everyone at home. I really had no clue ? Then she went into detail and I have to admit she was right. She told me to go upstairs and wait for her. She doesn't like to paddle when angry. I did as instructed and waited. First an hour passes and a second. Finally she walks in with her hairbrush in hand. She moved the chair from the vanity and was seated. She said nothing at first then called me to her. She looked up and asked if I knew why I was getting a spanking. ? I nodded yes. She said over her knee. She was lecturing as she was pulling my pants down. She went to work with the brush. I did ok the first minute or two but not after. She always asks if I learned anything ? Of course I say yes ! There were a couple more sessions like that over the year. Now that I'm retired , I can clearly see what jerk I was at times and deserved every seat. I have my own business as well and that situation has never occurred.
ReplyDeleteHi JR. Great story. Thanks for sharing!
DeleteDan
ReplyDeleteIn the beginning the discipline began about life at home. It revolved around his tone with me and our boys.The boys seemed intimated by how he spoke or should I say how he yelled out orders. Tone was
the thing that bugged me the most. The other big aspect was making time for the boys and lastly his driving after drinking.
Soon after, we initiated the discipline at home, his assistant handed in her notice. When I asked why she confessed it was due to Peter's temper tantrums. Around the same time Peter's boss gave a holiday party.
He noticed I was annoyed with Peter because he was drinking a lot that nite. His boss who is also a good family friend of Peter and his family told Peter's dad that he treasured Peter but his temper was getting in the way. It was a friendly warning.
During a home discipline session a few days later I told him and well long story short he suggested that perhaps he needed me to extend discipline for things at work. I would love to say he was cured. He was not, but things at work seemed to calm down enough for the boss to give him a large promotion. At home I am growing as a wife who disciplines, and he is on his way to being the boys favorite. They like Dad now better than Uncle George who always gives them wild gifts.
I would like to add one thing that our sex life has improved greatly and I feel I have a partner.
Anna
Workplace and home are the same for us since we run a small business together. I disciplined him long before we started the business and extending my control of his behavior to work happened without either of us talking much about it.He gets in trouble at work for the same things that get him spanked at home including language, tone to me,his temper tantrums and not following through on projects( procrastination). Monitoring his behavior at work has made him better behaved at home although he probably gets spanked a little more frequently than he did before we went into business( one or two a month)Our business has been more successful than I expected and i attribute part of that to spanking him when he needs it.
DeletePatricia
I work at home and my wife has begun monitoring my activities; formally and in detail. I produce a daily and weekly accounting of my time - in writing and give her the results on Sundays.
ReplyDeleteThis is new for us. But she has told me that if any matters she has to deal with repeat, the punishment will double. And if that's still not improved enough by the following week it doubles again. And she means that literally. I have been on the wrong end of her "doubling" threats before.
Eek! That could get really bad, really quickly!
DeleteYou are right about that Dan. She is all about "effectiveness". She expects results for her efforts and so she devised that simple formula. Like I said "been there, done that". So I take her admonitions very seriously.
DeleteI was thinking about this post and discussion, and started to wonder if anyone else had this experience: my Wife doesn't discipline me about work, but as an indirect effect, there have been times I've had a female boss. I was just recalling times in their offices following a weekend spanking from my Wife, and I know was was in a far more attentive and submissive mood in the meetings and actions. I think that paid off ; I wonder if they ever noticed a difference at times.
ReplyDeletes.
I have had only one female boss. She was one of the strongest personalities I have worked with -- male or female. While we no longer work in the same company, we remain friends. She has told people that the reason I got along with her when no one else could was precisely because I was one of the few who would not take her shit. So, for me, it kind of went in the opposite direction.
DeleteDan,
ReplyDeleteDue to the limits of a submission. This will be split into different parts.
I am the person that wrote you last week and this is my story
I really like your blog because it delves into the nuances of control and desire to be better. The indirect erotic aspects doesn't hurt either. I have changed the details enough to prevent linkage to me.
Please excuse my verb/noun errors and other language problems. I am not going to spend the time to make this print worthy.
My family is second generation upper middle class. My siblings were/are focused and high achievers. I was/am different. I excelled at what I was interested in. That means that I got "A"s in what I was interested in and "C"s in what I was not interested in. I remember a teacher putting me in a desk by a window telling me that I did not have to pay attention, but I could not disrupt the class. In today's parlance I had ADHD. I will not say that I was disparaged, but I will say that my family never had high expectations for me and I did not disappoint them.
I went to a low level college and spent a lot of time having fun: with physical endeavors, alcohol and women. The best description was that I looked like a rather attractive tennis player that lifted weights. Because of my lack of academic achievement, no employer knocked on my door. One night I met a person whose job was to do preventive maintenance and overhaul the machinery in a large manufacturing plant. Every year they stopped the plant and pulled full maintenance. They updated the software, overhauled the machines and replaced what could not be economically be rebuilt. It required 5-7 months/year travel. They had a spot for a gofer and I signed on. I had a blast.
I was unattached, young and interested. Every day was a new challenge. It fit my personality. In this world, there are really gifted maintainers and really gifted people to document what was done. Both are absolutely required to ensure that the plant machinery performs as needed. Unfortunately, I have never met a person who is gifted at maintaining and documenting. But I am really good at maintaining and documenting ( Kind of like you getting a B+ in both maintenance and documentation, but because since no one else is getting an A in both, you are king of the hill).
The person who is in charge of the maintenance for the plants has to hit the balance between ability to maintain, document, and hit the timelines. It is a very high stress position with high turnover, so taking the job was/is recognized as burnout position with little to no upper mobility.
Because of my ability to do well (not gifted) at both maintaining and documenting AND the constant burnout of the person in charge, I got the position.
About a year before I got the position I met my wife. She was a college athlete and the valedictorian of her class. Her major was in the soft sciences. She is not math adverse, but she has no interest in algorithms. Physically she was/is about a high 7 low 8, but when she puts her war paint on she'll give a Hollywood star a run for her money.
ReplyDeleteWhen we met we went really slow, because I knew/felt that she was really special. I was ready for marriage and I knew I had a jewel. I did not shine the apple, but I did tell her what a fine apple I had.
Her father's family were coal miners from Pennsylvania. He joined the military and went from private to colonel. He married his high school sweetheart (also a coal miner's child). He was gone a lot, he drank hard, he played hard, but he really loves his family. Professionally, he is considered exceptional. He could be drunk on his butt, but he is always respectful and never disparages his family nor his wife. His wife is indulgent, ignores his shortcomings, emphasizes his strengths and loves him dearly. I found out much later he has horrible nightmares, to the degree that he gets up and sleeps in another room. He and his wife thought that that their children would accept that as normal. And his children did accept it as normal, but they also realized that their dad has really bad nightmares.
When I first met my in-laws. they were loving and accepted me. Her dad did the normal prodding and found me worthy. The fact that I could drink, shoot and talk maintenance went a long way. It also really helped that I opened doors, said "yes Ma'am" and took the trash out when told to do so. They are deeply Catholic, but her father's military time gives witness to God's grace, because he has made way too many mistakes and done too many bad things for anything less than Jesus' covenant to allow him to see heaven.
We got married and life was hard, because I was gone a lot and my job was/is high stress. But my job pays extremely well. My base salary is low five figures and my bonuses are more than my salary. I get a small bonus for making maintenance updates on time and I get a really big bonus when the plant machinery does not go down between maintenance cycles.
Here is the problem, my job requires a minimum of 50-60 per week if nothing goes wrong, but it always does. It is impossible to do everything that my job requires and still meet mission. Luckily my boss and my boss' boss protect me. My company is the subsidiary of a multinational company. Several a years ago, some guys from NY with sharp elbows came down to tell us how to cut corners and were very pointed in my short comings. I rebelled. The guys from NY decided to have a "come to Jesus" moment. My boss shot them down. She is a confederate rose with a PHD that knows where the bodies are buried and has put a few there herself. But this was a triggering moment. My family never had very high expectations for me, I had married above my weight class and I depended upon others to keep my job. I became despondent. I was swimming against the tide. I was trying to find a way to find focus, but not very successful.
I noted that I responded to pain. When I lifted weights, I liked the burn. If I went on a hike, I wanted my thighs and calves to sheik in pain.
ReplyDeleteI knew my job was/is a burnout position, but I also knew that I was a fraud. My wife has gifted me with wonderful children, loved me without reservation and I was one mistake from failure. Years ago I shot an old TV. When you hit the cathode Ray tube, it doesn't explode- it implodes. That was what I felt like- imploding. I spent a lot of time trying to find the magic pill to better performance- self hypnosis, self- discipline, self-help books. I prayed to God, to help me find my path.
I found the FLR blogs. I started linking my relationship with pain and performance. I did not know if it would work but I was at my wits end.
I tried to prepare my wife. I expressed how really needed help. But my words were theoretical. I put it off for months. Then the inevitable happened, I missed an email that caused a maintenance cycle to be delayed by two days. While I could blame another, it was my job to make mission.
I had spent years building a facade- that my job was hard but I was capable. Since my wife was a valedictorian and I barely escaped college, she "knew" that I was making it harder than it really was. When I was in my downward spiral, I invited her to come to work with me. She thought it would be a wonderful lark. Luckily for me, it was a really bad day. So she listened to me talk spec.s, shipping times, watched me work Microsoft Project, and cancel meetings with my superiors (There is nothing like saying things are bad when you tell your boss that you cannot meet with them because you have a problem and your boss agrees with you.).
Now she started appreciating my performance and my abilities, but internally I knew that I was not good enough and never would be. But I had a plan. M plan was that I would never be good enough, but if my wife could keep me focused (and become a team), understand that I was playing above my ability then no matter what happened all would end well. My plan was for her to spank me when my performance lagged.
There was a pause at work and I planned my thoughts like I did a project.. We farmed the kids off to my in-laws and went to a beautiful location. The first night, I spent the time wooing her and expressing my love. The next morning I told her that I really needed to talk to her, but I would do it at dusk. I found out later that she thought my words were about me taking a different profession. Instead, I explained my weaknesses, my deficiencies and my desire to be punished. The look on her face caused me to realize that I was going to get divorced. She stayed the night, but she left the next day to "stay with her parents." So I did the most rational thing for a guy-I got drunk and stayed drunk for two days. I went home a day early to pack my bags and lick my wounds.
As I was packing my bags, my wife showed up. I was extremely embarrassed and just wanted to disappear. She grabbed me and told me that she was not going to let me go. To say I was confused is an understatement. In my hung over and disrupted mind, all I wanted was to escape, so I told her to leave me alone. I abandoned my bags and tried to leave, but she played the trump card. She said that if I loved her and our children I would listen to her. So I did the most rational thing for a guy, I grabbed a beer and told her to tell me how she was going to make me feel worse than I already was.
She confirmed my worst thoughts. She went home and told her parents that she had married a pervert. Her father went and got a bottle of beer and asked a series of questions: does he hit you, does he beat the kids, does he make your life Hell, etc,... . She quickly found that she was getting no sympathy from her father, so she tried saying what kind of person asks to be beat and would that not translate into beating the children. Her mother went over and hugged her and asked her to replay everything that had happened and everything that I had said. So while I was getting drunk, her parents were explaining their own horror stories and telling her how selfish she was- I had low self esteem in a burn out job and her job was to build me up.
ReplyDeleteI listened to her, but I had to escape, (She had told her parents about my perversions- just shoot me.). I went to a friend's house. Several days later she played the trump card. She brought the kids to work and the kids told me I had to come home.
My wife wanted to go to counseling and I refused. Why have an outsider confirm that I am screwed up? Life was bad and I was spiraling downward. I took sick leave, and in my job you do not take sick leave, unless you are in the hospital.
Her father showed up while I was on "sick leave." He told me to come with him. We went to a bar and he talked and I listened. He told me about his time in combat and how he rarely gets a good night's sleep, he told me about how proud he was of me and how embarrassed he was of his daughter. But he said he got his daughter corrected and now it was my turn. He talked about a man's responsibility- you don't have to win-but you better try really hard. I think we drank less than three beers, but we returned home. I was settled down, but then my wife threw me" a look." She probably did not mean to direct it my way, but I interpreted it that way. I would love to say that I yelled at her, but I didn't. I just took it as my due, said I needed to go to the bathroom and left out the back door.
The next day, I when to work and requested to go to the current maintenance location to "get back on track." It was immediately approved. I sunk myself into work. All I did was work and talk to the kids at night.
About a week later, my wife showed up at my hotel room. Rather than act like the aggrieved spouse, she acted very contrite and asked my forgiveness.
Since that time we have worked at being a team. I still work 60 hours a week, except when special projects occur (70-80 hours/week). This may seem like a lot of hours, but ask a farmer how many hours he/she works. I can/do work more hours, but if my lack of focus has caused me to work more than 60 hours I get punished by my wife.
ReplyDeleteWe started with the regular traffic light code for safe words: green, yellow, and red . But that did not work. There is a lot of space in yellow. So we now use: green, yellow, amber, and red. Like most, I have built a tolerance for pain, so my bottom is bruised more than it isn't. Also (and this is very important) I have to take her punishment (only "red" can stop it)- no avoidance or complaints . But 24 hours after the punishment we discuss it. Usually, it is about how much I love her. But once she spanked me for a non-job related issue. i took the punishment with no complaint, but 24 hours later I told her that was not what we agreed to and unless she was willing to be spanked, it was not to happen again.
Has it worked? Yes, very much so. I work less, get more done, meet timelines easier, , my boss has stopped worrying about me being burned out, and (most importantly) brought our relationship much closer. She now knows what I am doing, the pressures I am under, and. Also, I don't feel like a fraud; which has allowed me to be more forceful without being defensive.
There is an erotic/fetish component to being spanked. To deny is to be deluded. But, is it bad if it has a good outcome? I don't think so. I think it is more a matter of using the tools that are effective.
In closing, my path was very painful, but it is working really well, because of a really great wife and my in-laws' understanding and tolerance of me.
Oh yes. My wife and I no longer have secrets. If I have problem, it is my responsibility to tell her. And if she has an issue she has to tell me (and she does have issues- she is incapable of turning the lights off). She has read this and while she does not agree with me telling my story, she recognizes that it is not her decision.
Please excuse this for being so long- but you asked. I'll probably never become a regular contributor, but I'll be lurking
Anonymous, I apologize for not having time today to give your post the response it merits. Thanks very much for taking the time to share it. It's clear that you have come a long way personally and professionally, with a great support network. A small number of observations, questions, follow-ups:
Delete-- You seem to have hit the jackpot where in-laws are concerned. Like you, I would have been mortified had my wife shared any aspect of our DD relationship, or my desires for it, with her parents. The way your in-laws handled both of you was really admirable.
-- How do you handle reporting and monitoring, given that the focus of your DD is work, and your work also involves a lot of travel.
-- Are you spanked for particular job failings, like failing to do a particular task, or is it more abstract, like not focusing, having a bad attitude, etc.?
-- You said your wife disciplined you for a non-work matter, and you objected to that. If it has helped your performance at work, is there a reason you are resistant to extending it into other areas?
Thanks again for the contribution, you are welcome to participate or lurk in the future -- whichever fits your needs at the time.
Dan,
ReplyDeleteI made a mistake. My base salary is low 6 figures.
Dan,
ReplyDeleteConcerning your questions:
1) Self-reporting. At the beginning it was "by how I felt." Which made it inconsistent. So the pendulum swung the other way. Which wasn't sustainable. Now it is kind of a mix. I have a cheap watch that I start the timer function on when I don't work or do needless tasks. I'm allowed 10 minutes/hour of "not doing useful work;" which is cumulative for the work day. The only way I can decrease that time is to work through lunch. At the end of the week my wife decides how that time translates into punishment (At the beginning, she worked a straight conversion, but now moves the scale around.) Most importantly, I have to tell her every night (even when not at home) how I am doing mentally. Being stressed over something important is handled less severely than "feeling impending doom." "Impending doom" is a leading indicator, so it is dealt with as soon as practical. She has even flown and driven to my work sites to get me back on track (If that isn't love... ). Over-time, I have much fewer instances of this emotion; which I attribute to spanking and her words of encouragement. I have to say, the words of encouragement are very important.
2) Concerning not having corporal discipline bleed into my non-professional life. The fact that I read these blogs, gives evidence that I have an interest. And I might later in life go that direction- but not now. In order of priority, these are the reasons: 1) I don't want anything to negatively impact the current structure (I'm afraid that the effectiveness of punishment for performance will be degraded if it bleeds to other areas.). I get spanked at least once a week and three times is common, so I'm not certain my bottom could handle more. And with kids, scheduling is a chore unto itself. 2) I don't handle humiliation well. I'm kind of like the fat kid who lost the weight- I still see myself as being fat. Though it ended well, I still do not like the idea that my in-laws know. I'm not certain how I would cope if we moved into a disciplinary FLR and anyone found out. 3) I am a pretty good husband and father: I openly express love for my wife and kids; I am much more even tempered than I was before and I apologize quickly when I snap at someone (kids, co-workers, wife); I remember all key dates and events (computer calendars are wonderful); I don't cuss (I had to stop that when I started dating my wife.); and I don't have any really bad habits. Now I do drink a bit, but nothing compared to my wife's father when he was my age and it is almost always pre-planned, e.g. 4th of July. I do have a sarcastic wit, but even that has been moderated since implementing our current regimen. My wife has always controlled the money, because I am gone a lot. My wife buys my clothes and throws them away earlier than I would. Other than target shooting, my expenses are minimal.
Dan,
DeleteFrom experience, try to be conscientious, not anal. Who cares if the score is 120 or 150, what ever 120 or 150 means. Please remember, you have given a lot of power to your wife to make you into who she wants you to be. If your wife is like mine, she realizes that she has the keys to the kingdom. If she is wise she will gently sand the rough spots and appreciate the knots.
Joe2
Dan,
ReplyDeleteOne last comment to #3. (I am a pretty good husband). I really love my wife: she loves me; she has an even disposition (One of her siblings says she was born old.); she has a deep love for God; she has good judgment and she is intelligent (That she is pretty doesn't hurt). Of consequence, I really want her love, approval and respect. As a result, she gets her way. And she does not abuse it. For instance, she wanted the kitchen painted. She never nagged, but did bring it up from time to time. I'm a guy, the paint wasn't pealing, so it wasn't important to me. One day she made a point to emphasis that painting the kitchen was needed. After the very next business project, I took two days leave and painted the kitchen. We could have paid someone to paint the kitchen, but I wanted to demonstrate to her, that if it was really important to her, then I would make it important. I guess in this instance being insecure pays benefits.
After discussing the the issue with my wife, my screen name will be Joe2 (Joe1 being me before our current relationship.).
Joe 2