The Forum - Vol. 106

Hi all.  Welcome back to the Disciplined Husbands Forum -- our weekly gathering of husbands and wives engaged or interested in Domestic Discipline and Female Led Relationships.

I hope you had a great week.  I was really glad to have mine come to an end.  Work has been a killer, constant travel, and just basically one of those weeks where everything that could go wrong did.  But, it's a beautiful early Fall weekend, and I hope you are all out enjoying it.

We had a great discussion last week.  One surprise was just how much the discussion of "alternative" or "additional" punishments has changed in less than a year.  When we last talked about that topic, it did not draw much interest, and what little there was seemed to be fairly strongly opposed to using anything other than spanking as punishment in a Domestic Discipline relationship.  This time, there was a much more open, and positive, discussion of various alternatives.  I wonder if part of the reason for the change is the slightly different direction this blog has gone in.  When it began, and until about a year ago, I had kept it pretty tightly aligned with Domestic Discipline of the corporal punishment variety.  Over the last year, however, as my own relationship started to explore larger dimensions of Female-male power exchange that went beyond sporadic, episodic spankings for particular offenses and started to explore Female Led Relationships, the blog went a bit in that direction as well.  And, with that broader emphasis, we seem to be bringing in regular readers who are interested not just in discipline via spanking, but in various other forms of female leadership and direction.

While I understand the opposition to grounding, taking away privileges, added chores, and other "alternative" or "additional" forms punishment or control, all I can say is that for us, it seems to be working. And after a period of pretty strong internal resistance on my part. Alan observed in a comment to the last topic that "alternative" forms of punishment can breed resentment.  I agree, though I think that is true of ALL forms of punishment to the extent they are really functioning as punishment, i.e. as something that is not enjoyable, is uncomortable and hard to take, and that are aimed at real behavioral correction.  And, there has, in fact, been a fair amount of resentment on my part.  I first suggested taking things in more of an FLR direction after reading about it on other blogs and discussing it with one FLR practitioner who has become a real mentor to me on this, albeit electronically.  As my wife started giving it a try, it went in a "service FLR" direction that I really hated, and still do to a large extent. But, it also undeniably gave her increasing confidence as she exercised this new and incremental authority.  And, when she finally took the step toward grounding me after a recurring offense, it seemed a a real sea change in where our relationship is going.  I have always said that the important part for me about DD--the part that I really need--is for someone to impose real boundaries on my behavior.  The "alternative" or "additional" punishments we have been exploring seem to really be effectuating that change in a way that spanking alone never quite achieved.

An example I gave in the comments to last week's topic is instructive.  Yesterday afternoon, the office mates and I decided to kill of a very long week with a quick happy hour drink.  The wait service turned out to be incredibly slow, and I was sitting there waiting for my first drink with the clock  ticking such that I was going to be late for an early dinner with some of my wife's familly.  A few months ago, in all likelihood I would have at least finished the drink, kept talking with my colleagues, and made it to dinner 30 minutes or more late.  This time, I just paid for my undelivered drink and left.  I really don't think that would have happened if the only consequence I would have suffered for my tardiness was a spanking.  Instead, I knew that if I was late there was  a pretty good chance I would find myself grounded from ALL happy hours for a week or more.  So, for us it is working, and I intend to keep submitting to it, even if doing so makes me resentful sometimes.

Now, on to this week's topic, though it is an off-shoot.  During last week's discussion, there was a small set of comments exchanged regarding strap-ons, and whether they function as real punishment.  I have steered clear of this topic in the past, along with most topics that really get into explicit sexual acts, as I want to make sure this blog remains a welcoming place for people with all ranges of comfort levels about particular sexual activities.  But, this seemed to be one that people are interested in and, with some approppriate restraint, I'm sure it can be dealt with maturely.  So, let's talk about that specific issue, but also broaden it a bit.  There were two strains that seemed to be going on in the brief set of comments from last week. First, does the strap-on act as a true punishment for the male?  Second, does it empower the woman in some way and, correspondingly, disempower him or "put him in his place"?  For the women who have used them and enjoyed the experience, did it make you feel empowered in some way different from delivering a spanking?  And, to broaden it a little more, are there other ways that our Disciplinary Wives and Female Leaders send those unmistakable messages that they are the ones in charge?

Have a great week!

The Forum - Vol. 105 - Grounding and Alternative Punishments

Hi all.  Welcome back to our weekly forum on domestic discipline and female led relationships.

Last week's conversation on how often we are punished seemed to spark a good amount of interest.  This week, let's talk about how, not how often.  This blog obviously focuses a lot on corporal punishment.  But, that is hardly the only form of punishment available to wives who want to see real, positive behavioral change.  So, this week's topic is, what role do alternative punishments play in your relationship  DD or FLR relationship?

We have talked about this topic before, but it's been on my mind recently because we have been experimenting with "grounding."  The punishment is much like what one would impose on a misbehaving teenager.  Basically, restricting my freedom as punishment for abusing the freedom I usually enjoy.  For example, if I drink too much with the guys at a Friday happy hour, and I find myself grounded, i.e. prohibited from drinking at all for a week.  It has been very effective so far, largely because it serves not only as punishment but as a preventative, sort of like the preventative spankings a few of our forum members have talked about.  It also is a form of punishment that is a little harder to hide from others.  A bruised bottom can be easily hidden from view. But, declining to partake in some activity because you've been ordered not to do it -- that is inherently harder to cover up. 

Do you have similar alternative disciplinary practices? Grounding?  Loss of privileges?  Additional household chores?  Please share your thoughts and experiences.

Dan

The Forum - Vol. 104 - Spanking Frequency

Hello all. Welcome back to the Forum -- our interactive discussion of topics that are, hopefully, interesting, fun and important to those in domestic discipline and FLR relationships, and those who would like to be.

I hope you had a nice, short work week.  Thanks to those who kept the conversation going a bit while I was being lazy.

A few weeks ago, when I was bemoaning a lack of inspiration on new topics, a really obvious one occurrred to me.  Kind of right there under my nose was a simple one that I don't think we have really touched on during the entire history of this blog: How often are you spanked?  So, I posted a poll, and here is what the readers have to say about it:

5 or less	26 (23%)
Between 5 and 10	11 (9%)
Between 10 and 20	29 (26%)
More than 20	45 (40%)

We seem to have a misbehaving readership.  Almost half of the respondents spanked more than 20 times a year!  Of course, what I probably should have asked is, how often do you receive disciplinary or punishment spankings.  Unfortunately, I never think of those kinds of nuances until after I launch the poll. 

So, tell us about the frequency of your spankings, particularly the disciplinary and punishment variety. How often is your spouse called upon to blister your bottom thoroughly for some offense?  If you are the disciplinary spouse, how often do you feel the need to deliver that unmistakable message of disapproval?  Has the frequency changed over time?

I put my wife and I in the "between 10 and 20" tranche, but it is really at the low end of that spectrum.  Unfortunately, not so much because I don't deserve it more often, but because a signficant amount of bad behavior goes unpunished because of all of those "real life"interferences.  That may, of course, change over time.  I suspect that one reason our readership seems to tilt so heavily toward the over-50 crowd is they have entered a time in life where some social and family impediments to the DD lifestyle start to diminish.  Another factor tilting my own experience toward the lower part of the range is we don't do maintenance or erotic spankings.  Again, my bad for not defining terms in a way that might have resulted in a more apples-to-apples comparison.

Have a great week.

Dan

Have Fun Out There

Hello all. I hope you had a great week and are either already enjoying or soon to be enjoyng a great three-day weekend (for those in the U.S.).  I was tied up most of the week and haven't even gotten to most of last week's comments.  So, I think I am going to take a little pause this weekend, including from the blog. But, just because I am being lazy, don't feel like you must do the same.  Please feel free to continue last week's discussion, or start a new thread here on anything you want to talk about (within the bounds of reason and good taste.)

Update: I did get around to answering most of last week's comments, leaving a few follow-up questions or observations.

Have a great weekend and be safe.

Dan