Saturday, December 10, 2016

The Forum - Vol. 184 - Preventative Spankings

"An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure." -- Benjamin Franklin

Hello all. Welcome back to The Forum - Disciplined Husbands and Disciplinary Wives, our weekly gathering of men and women who are participating in or interested in being in a Domestic Discipline or FLR relationship.  I hope you had a good week.

Our own DD and FLR momentum continues to be checked by the irresistible force of these nasty cold/flu bugs that are going around.  I've had mine for 13 days and, while feeling slightly better, it is still holding on tenaciously.  My wife has also been pummeled by it, so we are coughing, sniffling, not very pleasant to see or hear mess right now, and neither of us has the slightest interest in anything FRL related right now.  Being sick also tends to slow me down a bit on the bad behavior front, and I managed to make it through a lengthy business trip with colleagues without over-indulging or committing any other work-related bad acts.  Though, if we were keeping a strict tally, I am still owed some major discipline from a week ago, thanks to my workplace's annual holiday party, which for reasons unknown set a new bar this year for people toasting the season in high spirits.

Preventing such party-related bad behavior is part of this week's topic.  Last week, Alan brought up the topic of "preventative spankings," characterizing and illustrating their effect as follows:

"These are spankings administered before parties or events in which historically my behavior had earned me a spanking after the fact. Her reasoning was that if she was going to have to spank me eventually, she would prefer to avoid the behavior and get it done before rather than afterward. Most preventatives are done several hours before a party or we get into the car to travel and designed to give me a warm bottom that reminds me what could happen. With one unforgettable exception this does work to prevent really bad public behavior. It does not always make my behavior perfect but I am careful enough that she is satisfied.There are now three or four of these scheduled before holiday events and they have become so routine she actually often puts them on the calendar.This gets to your point about that second ( or third) drink just pushing the reality of future punishment out of your mind.) The reality of punishment is very much on your mind after a recent spanking ( For me that feeling lasts at least two or three days) So sipping your drinks, avoiding family confrontations and boorish behavior is much easier.'

We have never engaged in this kind of preventative discipline, and I used to think it was not very consistent with Domestic Discipline, since it involved punishing before anything had even happened.  But, Alan's comment has me rethinking it.  (Something I love about this blog,  by the way.  My assumptions and predilections often get challenged and I'm forced to rethink some of my shoot-from-the-hip reactions.) As I explained in last week's post, even after a decade of Domestic Discipline it is not uncommon for me to just kind of blaze right through the behavior limits she has set without even thinking about the possible consequences.  Socially-induced amnesia of a sort.  But, I can see how a spanking before the event could serve as an ongoing reminder of the much more severe one that might be coming if I misbehave.


I can foresee some practical problems, however.  For example, because we both have substantial commutes from work to home, and social events are often scheduled near work or at colleagues homes, one or both of us often go directly from work to the event, so we often arrive separately at holiday parties and work-related events, without first having time alone at home.  For those occasions, a preventative spanking would probably need to happen the night before the event, and I don't know if that would still be effective. Or, it might have to be a full-blown punishment spanking sufficient to leave me sore enough the next day to still serve as an ongoing reminder during the party.

So, for this week's topic, have you used preventative spankings?  Have they worked to prevent problem behaviors?  What are the logistical challenges and how have you overcome them?  If you haven't used them, do you think they might be worth trying?

Also, if you haven't filled out our pending poll on whether chastity and orgasm denial is a part of your DD or FLR relationship, please take a minute to do so.  As Alan pointed out, the reference to "enforced" chastity is potentially confusing, and my intent was that it cover things like chastity devices but also simply being ordered not to masturbate or otherwise told not to have an orgasm.

I hope you have a great week.  If your are new to this Forum, please take a few minutes to visit our Guestbook (tab above) and tell us a bit about your DD or FLR relationship or aspirations.



50 comments:

  1. Dan, I hope you are feeling better soon. I have written before, describing our new dd relationship. We stumbled on a very successful preventative spanking last week, so I laughed when I read Peter's comments because it made so much sense. It was my wife's birthday Thursday and she was planning a little party. On Wednesday night, we had a session on the calendar to review household progress. I was kind of a bull in a china closet all week for her, so when the session came up, she had some pretty strong energy around it. I told her that we should postpone the session because it was her birthday and she was kind of emotional, but she kept saying that it was going to happen as scheduled. Well, in session, she asked if I'd had enough of our strap. I said yes, and she said OK now the punishment starts. Ouch. Well the next day, all day, she was shocked at my disposition. Turns out that a good beating makes me an angel to company! She literally said that I was amazing -- supportive, loving, kind, and ego less. So I am a now a believer in preventative disipline. Thanks again Dan. Peter too. Take care. Sincerely, Bill

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    1. Hi Bill. Great to hear it worked so well for you, and that DD is working out well. Thanks for dropping by!

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    2. BTW, sorry it took so long to post your comment. I found it a few minutes ago, caught in the spam filter. I can see no rhyme or reason for what Blogger decides to block . . .

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  2. Bath Time
    Once when I was taking my bath prior to going out on New Year's Eve. Sheila came into the bathroom and removed the towels, my protest ignored. Before I had time to get out of the bath she re-entered clad in her thick brown rubber apron.
    "I want to remind you to behave this evening and I have heard that spanking a wet bottom creates more sting, and I want to try it" she said. Taking her right hand from behind her back I now saw the two-tailed tawse in her hand. "Get out of the bath, do not attempt to dry, and get over my lap NOW" she ordered as she sat on the bathroom chair. In short time I was laid over the cold rubber apron and my bottom was being well and truly warmed.
    Permitted to stand, she saw my obvious excitement and said "Not now darling and you must wear your rubber pants under your trousers to retain the heat for the evening." If you behave well at the party I will wear my rubber mackintosh you like so much when we get home.”
    Whilst at the party I said something that upset her, so she whispered in my ear “when we get home , and I have my mack on, you will fetch the rubber martinet and you will be punished with thirty lashes.”
    That whip stings plenty I can tell you, so I spent the evening in trembling excitement and duly received my punishment when we got home, followed by a breathtaking finale. A New Year I shall never forget!

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  3. Dan
    Because we live in outside the city, I have booked a room at a hotel near the office party, which is usually the one event where Peter can and has gotten out of hand. I check in at noon and Peter comes to the room during lunch. If he cant make it then he comes to our hotel room before we go to the party, which is usually held in the hotel where we stay.
    A spanking before the party should do the trick. If it doesnt and i see him acting out at party i will pull him up to the room for a harsh reminder. The party will be next friday so I shall report after. For New years eve i have already booked a room at a hotel near where the party will be for new years eve. Hopefully this will do the trick.
    anna
    ps I must admit the rubber pants under slacks after a spanking does appeal to me.

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  4. YES. This time of year I need really firm reminders/warnings, etc. I have never really viewed it as preventative discipline, but I suppose it is. For me personally, regarding whether or not this is effective deals largely with the punishment versus discipline aspect of DD. If punishment is a direct consequence of unacceptable behavior, then yes, preventative punishment will not be effective. However, if we view spanking as discipline, there's a bit of a dynamic shift. Discipline is different from punishment in that discipline is punishment meted out with the specific intent of modifying behavior. It is not reactionary, but rather corrective, meant to teach, not just respond. So if we are looking for behavior modification then yes, in some circumstances, discipline preceding a potentially stressful event can be very helpful.

    In my situation, parties aren't really an issue. I rarely go to them (I don't much care for socializing) and don't drink much (I'm a major lightweight) and Jason is by my elbow anyway. But, there are certain relatives we visit that seem to bring out the defiance in me! So, before we go, Jason now always takes me over his lap for a preventative spanking. It's not as hard as a punishment, but is harder than a little maintenance, and he reminds me verbally as well that I'm expected to obey him and be respectful. It honestly does help.

    This time of year can be so stressful, I truly think maintenance with the purpose of both role affirmation and stress relief is almost a necessity in most TTWD cases. It sure is with me. :)

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    1. Hey J Girl! Hope you're doing well. I'm glad to hear that preventative and maintenance spankings help you, and I'm sorry to hear this time of year is stressful to you. I LOVE Christmas. This is one of the least stressful times of year for me (though my baseline stress level is probably a tad higher than the norm). I love driving home at night and seeing the houses on our street lit up with holiday lights. I love trying to find that "just right" present for each person on my list. I love that this is the one time a year when a significant number of people think a little more about others than about themselves. When they were younger, I loved taking my kids shopping for presents for needy children who were identified by a local charity that we sponsored through my work. It was one of the few ways I've found to help overly privileged kids learn, in a very concrete way, that not everyone is as lucky as they are and that there are kids their age who face a much tougher road than mine. I'm one of those people who leaves my Christmas tree up until the earlier of (a) February or (b) when my wife makes me take it down. I wish the whole darn year could be like this period from mid-November to early January!

      You and Peter have my sympathy, and I admit I am glad that my wife does not use preventative spankings to encourage me to behave better at gatherings of relatives, at least where political discussions are concerned. While I am, like a lot of people, trying to move past our recent elections, one bit of fallout that I have no intention of changing is a new resolution to go "tit-for-tat" on boorish behavior and countering dumb-ass opinions directly and forcefully. I actually agree with some of my conservative friends who think political correctness has gotten out of hand, but I'm not sure they quite get that there are two sides to the verbal swords, and I'm pretty much done sitting there quietly when some relative or acquaintance pops off with offensive or plain stupid comments just because they are old or ignorant and lack a filter. Ok, enough of that little rant . . . :-)

      Now, that said, you all have convinced me that this is probably something worth trying, particularly given that my specific challenge is keeping in mind her limitations on imbibing once I get started imbibing. I can see how a warm bottom sufficiently close to the event could help keep her rules front of mind.

      I've also been newly convinced of the value of maintenance spankings for both both affirming her role and also for helping make DD a real core part of the relationship by providing regular opportunities for a new Dom/Domme to exercise that role. I have not asked her to use spankings for stress relief, and I'm not sure that would work for me, except in the narrow sense that sometimes my own bad behavior and lack of accountability for it stress me out, so being spanked clears the air and makes me feel like I have paid a price for doing something that I myself think was wrong.

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    2. Dan, your candor and talent for words is so refreshing.

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    3. Careful. As I constantly say, flattery will get you everywhere!

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  5. Shawn, Susan has occasionally decided a spanking prior to would insure I don't do anything stupid. She normally waits until about an hour before what ever we are attending. My bottom is very warm and stings for sometime and reminds me to be on my best behavior, I do a lot of standing. Susan is complimented on how such a great husband she has and she just smiles and sometimes replies, getting to the seat of the problem helps in a marriage.

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    1. Hi Shawn. As I said to J Girl above, I am newly convinced of the role a still-stinging bottom could play in preventing bad behavior.

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    2. The first time Susan did this was because of a couple of instances prior, and in this household I have learned not to question Susan. The spanking was no different than others, but she reminded me if I acted up, the spanking will take less time to get my attention. As mentioned women seem to know you've been spanked, this is the worse part.

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  6. I see the logic of preventative spankings but what triggers discipline for me is Jay either misbehaving ( breaking a rule) or deliberate disobedience.Also Jay doesn't have these cycles that apparently some other men do of chronically repeating misbehavior. But Anna's apparent enthusiasm for the method makes me want to experiment with it. We do have a "road rage" pattern that often flares up on longer trips. I always punish him severely for that but I would rather avoid the whole experience. Maybe a well warmed bottom before getting in the car will do the trick.
    Marisa

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    1. Hi Marisa. I definitely had some problem with this as a concept, and to some extent with the whole "maintenance spanking" thing, but I am becoming a convert. Your preference for avoiding the whole experience is similar to Alan's observation: "Her reasoning was that if she was going to have to spank me eventually, she would prefer to avoid the behavior and get it done before rather than afterward." It does seem like preventative spankings would work best, and be most justified, in situations in which there is an established track record of misbehavior.

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  7. Both N. and J. were/are of the opinion that a sound spanking may sometimes be needed to ensure my 'proper' behavior at gatherings or social events I am reluctant to attend. I have also been spanked for balking or complaining about accompanying her on one of her shopping trips to the mall.

    L.

    ps: Over the years, I have learned to avoid that sort of behavior... most times (but not always) !

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    1. Most of the spankings L. gets (by far!) are applied to punish a specific breach of my "house rules", and these are applied "on the spot", unless we are away from home or traveling. The seriousness of the offense dictates the type of punishment needed (and the 'tools" needed to do the job).

      "Maintenance" spankings are intended to remind him to toe the line (and thus can have a "preventative" effect, but with no particular 'deadline' in sight.

      Thus, true "preventative" spankings are seldom needed (the threat of one usually does the job!)

      J.

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    2. I hadn't thought of that. I too have been known to balk at attending some of her things.

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  8. I've never done "preventative spankings," choosing instead to give maintenance spankings, but it's been replaced with the occasional stern lecture since July. I'm not sure where this will go but it's difficult to paddle someone when the act of paddling hurts more than the paddling.

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    1. Sorry to hear it is still a problem. Maybe order one of your men to spank the other? ;-)

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    2. ::gigglesnort:: somehow, I don't think that would go over very well.

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  9. My wife has become a regular viewer of this page. She agrees most heartily with many of the other wives who post here. We just finished several " discussions " about my behavior while in Hawaii last month. The paddlings genuinely hurt. Before going over her knee she lectures first as to why I'm getting spanked. She never does this when angry. I can see the hurt in her eyes and hear it in her voice. The guilt and emotional pain I feel is worse than the physical. When it's over all is forgiven. Since reading so many postings she said she's going to implement a maintenance system. We have a Florida trip in a few weeks and she is definitely going to give a preventative spanking before we leave so I won't forget. She has also started carrying one of her wooden hairbrushes in her purse when we go out. We had a car full of people last week. I was getting carried away with some of my humor. She didn't say a word but pulled the brush out. Everyone could see it but wouldn't be able to figure out its meaning. It was very subtle and effective.

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    1. I welcome her as a viewer, though I'm sorry it is resulting in you getting spanked more often!

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    2. My wife visits occasionally too.

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  10. We are new here but have enjoyed reading your excellent blog for some time. The current topic got me to thinking that some readers might be interested in our solution to the 'maintenance' problem that Kate arrived at a long time ago when we became disillusioned with the effectiveness of 'once a week' regardless.
    We are now both in our late sixties and I have been lovingly disciplined for the past 14 years with this 'maintenance' programme in effect for about 9 of them.
    Whenever Sylvia has spanked me whatever the reason, I have immediately to stick a note on the fridge that reads simply: "Next OTK for FX (my initials). 24 December". The date will be 15 days on from the date of putting up this sticker.
    If I have been 'good' until then I will get my bottom smacked for 'maintenance' If I need discipline before the 15 days are up (frequently!) then I have to take down the old sticker and replace it with a new one having the date 15 days on from then.
    Of course, any visitor who goes into the kitchen can read the sticker. Mostly that is women but only one who saw it understood the meaning and talked to Kate about it. She and her husband became friends and the only people apart from ourselves who ever knew our secret - as we did theirs.
    Fredie

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    1. That is a great system, and a pretty ingenious way of connecting with others who read the note and understand what it means.

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  11. Dan
    Sunday Peter and I were invited by one of my old friends to watch the Giants/Dallas game yesterday. Sunday morning she called and in passing mentioned sister and brother in law would be there. The kids were out and I thought this would be a good test run for the holiday dinners. An hour before leaving our home I surprised Peter with a long hard session with me and my paddle. With each swat I told him that any nonsense with BIL I would repeat this session when we got home. Unlike my usual sessions after i sat him down and face to face I reiterated just how upsetting his barbs were to the others in the room. I also told peter that I didnt care how much he might be baited by BIL, he should keep silent.
    IT WORKED!

    Anna

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    1. Dear Anna,
      Bravo!. I am eagerly waiting an occasion to try it. This could be a breakthrough disciplinary tool.In retrospect I wonder why I didn't think of it before. I have learned as I imagine most of us have how well behaved they are for several days after being spanked.Jay will oppose this as "unfair" which will be another chance for me to demonstrate that my strap rules in this house.Thanks for the update
      Marisa

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    2. So, if the issue is disturbing other guests, would it be OK if Peter waited until no one is there to witness and then whacks BIL upside the head? ;-) Just saying . . .

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    3. Marissa from Italy by any chance?

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    4. Dan
      What are you trying to do ? Damned if i did that even verbally, Anna would make sure
      that I didnt sit for a week. Let me tell you after what Anna called "my reminder" I was
      very quiet at the game. When her sister mentioned how quiet I was, I told Anna call her
      back tell her what you did and then suggest she do that to my BIL. It would be worth it
      to know he was pounded as I was sunday. Cant wait for my office party friday.

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    5. Just trying to find a loophole for you. Seems tragically unfair that BIL is the ass, yet yours gets the beating. :-)

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  12. My wife is very strict to me but also just! I do not get a preventive spanking from her, but if I'm naughty, she spanks them regardless of whether we go to a celebration. I have to wear girl underwear all the time. When we go to a party, I have to wear additional a diaper, so I'm constantly reminded to behave properly and be obedient! If there is somthing of my behavior she does not like, at home I get strict my bottom spanked by her with a wooden spoon and a cane. She punishes me like a little boy!
      Strictpunishedhubby

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  13. I instituted an alcohol limit on Jerry more than 20 years ago and it has been very effective. It helps that we do just about everything social together. So I am usually with him at events where alcohol is served. Even so, there have been a couple of times when he went over the limit - I think the alcohol sort of took over - but after he "paid the price" it didn't happen again for a long, long, time.

    Regarding the conversation about preventive discipline. I have a straightforward conversation with him in advance of problem situations. Sometimes it includes discussing, and even practicing, scenarios so he will be well-prepared. My goal is to set him up for success. If he behaves poorly after I have made the effort to help him, he is in big trouble.

    However, I found the reports about successes achieved through preventive discipline in your blog very enlightening. And we will be in one of those "challenging situations" for Christmas dinner this year. Hmmmm.

    Thank You,

    Aunt Kay

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  14. I had actually suggested to my wife to give me a preventative before going out to meet my buddies. Dan, we (and i think a lot of guys do) share the same flaw when out having cocktails with my buddies. As you said last week...you don't intended to keep having drinks....it just sorta happens. I thought that if every time i moved on the bar stool and got a little twinge from my backside from my freshly spanked butt, it wold serve as a good reminder to pay attention to what i was doing. Also thought her telling me how many I was allowed to have as she spanked might be a helpful idea as well. It puts bounderies out there so easier to follow than just saying to yourself...."i won't have too many"

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  15. Unfortunately not yet....but trust me. She'll be seeing the topic this week!

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  16. Mary, men are just little boys, my hubby sure is. Pre-spankings help in his case, he is much better and more controlled of his behavior. If not, his already warm bottom will quickly be stinging and even warmer and redder. A very old friend of the family confided in me her husband spent many a time over her lap, did wonders, I was shocked, but told her I spank my hubby, she smiled and said just remember they need a spanking more than you need to spank them, good advise.

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    1. Now that is a sound bit of advice to all wives!
      anna

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    2. So true ! My hubby goes over my knee or over the chair often ! Janet !

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  17. It's pretty incredible to submit to the hairbrush or cane even when you haven't done anything. And yet your wife knows that without this extraordinary measure, you will most certainly drift out of bounds. Deep down, you know it, too. To be understood like this by your wife is a powerful type of intimacy. Then, for her to administer discipline with the authority of her full stroke, knowing that I will need that lasting burn to help me please her later...well, it's a dramatic expression of mutual trust from two people who know each other very well. We've been working on this since 1985, and we both accept that without preventative wifely/maternal care, our marriage will struggle.

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  18. Beautifully said, GeorgiaFella. - Lived there for 10 years myself :)

    That's why I have schooled myself to shut up and say "Yes Dear" even when I totally disagree with her reason for ordering me across her knee.

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  19. I am scheduled for my second preventative of the season this afternoon ( neighborhood party tonight). I told my wife about the discussion on the forum this week. She told me I could just think of all the other bad boys when we have our "discussion" I know the other bad boys are going to be the furthest from my mind. But I admit some satisfaction knowing that what is happening to me is happening to ( at least) a few others. I also get satisfaction knowing tomorrow I will be watching football rather than doing corner time or other penance because I behaved tonight and no one except this forums readers need to know why I behaved
    Alan

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    1. I hadn't thought about that, but I guess several of us may, in fact, have you to blame for this new preventative bottom warming!

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  20. My wife read the Preventative stuff and was intrigued. That's all I know.

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  21. ON FRIDAY EVENING PETER'S FIRM HAD A DINNER DANCE FOR THE HOLIDAYS. WE BOOKED A HOTEL ROOM FOR THAT NIGHT SO THERE WOULD NOT BE A LONG DRIVE HOME. SINCE PETER OFTEN GOES TO FAR AT THESE OCCASIONS I HAD HIM COME TO THE ROOM AND I PREPARED HIM
    WITH A PREVENTATIVE SPANKING OR AS I LIKE TO CALL IT A REMINDER SESSION. I HAVE ASKED
    PETER TO REPORT ON THE EVENT AND THE EVENING WHIICH HE WILL DO IN SATURDAY'S BLOG.

    ANNA

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