There have been some interesting conversations going on here, on the Guestbook, and in my case some direct communications with a few people. An emerging theme in some of these exchanges has been how to persuade a hesitant disciplinarian. As many of you know, I began my DD journey after discovering the Disciplinary Wives Club. It has been an inspiration to many. But, there are a few things it gets wrong, or at least creates a risk of leaving people with some pretty unrealistic expectations regarding how the "typical" DD relationship is likely to progress and how they often get off the launchpad. For example:
-- Most of the DD relationships in DWC stories seem to be initiated by the women, often by simply imposing them on the man.
-- DWC women all seem to go from vanilla to enthusiastic, resolute paddle wielding Dommes instantaneously after reading the DWC, or hearing about spanking through a friend, or responding to a husband's request to give spanking a try.
-- Men cry the first time they go over her knee for a spanking with the hairbrush.
Now, the reality is a little more complicated and, in many ways, conflicts with the gist of the DWC message, inspiring as that message may be to many of us. Based on our polls and reader stories, it seems pretty clear that most DD relationships are initiated by the men, by a wide margin. Most men don't cry right out out of the gate, and many never do. The hairbrush is, for most people, a generally ineffective instrument and OTK is often an awkward position that does not allow for generating sufficient momentum or force.
But, all these are little details that DWC couples discover for themselves over time, or maybe sometimes those things actually do happen and do work for some couples. However, the idea that women just step naturally into the disciplinarian role when asked seems to to present a more serious problem. Because it may leave the men who want these relationships with some seriously flawed expectations of how things are likely to progress even after they get lucky enough to get their partner to agree to try the domestic discipline lifestyle. Their wives may be genuinely interested in giving it a try, but it's just not realistic to expect someone to change decades of socialization and habit over night. I recently pointed out to one of our group the disparate expectations going on here when we expect our wives to instantly flip a switch and become a commanding and domineering presence, while many of us seek out DD to help us deal with bad habits that we don't seem to be able to change even with the exercise of all our will power. For example, one of my goals going into this year was to get rid of sugar. Yet, it is a rare day that I can pass up that plate of cookies or brownies that someone brought into work. If I can't make such a simple change, how can I expect my wife to just suddenly and without effort remake her entire view of herself to become a full-on Head of Household, even if she really does want it?
Yet, progress does happen. It takes time and focus and effort and communication and patience. All of those and more. And, that is today's topic -- how do you help your would-be disciplinarian progress from a willing but historically vanilla partner into a more stern, more commanding, presence? For those on the swinging end of the paddle, were there things you did to make the switch to thinking of yourself as a disciplinarian, Head of Household, Female Leader, etc.? In other words, in the "real world," as opposed to some DWC-fueled fantasy, how do we go from aspiration to something like a real DD or FLR lifestyle? What are some of your hard-learned tips and tricks? Let's help newbies and wannabes take their relationships to the next level, while avoiding disappointments resulting from unrealistic expectations.
Please be as specific as possible with what you have found effective in making the transition to a real disciplinarian or HoH.
Have a great week.