Saturday, August 16, 2014

The Forum - Question of the Week #55

Hi all. Welcome back.  I hope you had a good week and are enjoying the weekend.  Here we are in mid-August.   Where did the summer go?

Well, last week's topic went over like a lead balloon.  A whopping four comments.  I'm not sure what that is about, but I don't remember the last time a topic drew that little interest.  Which I admit surprises me, since Domestic Discipline relationships are just that -- relationships -- many involving parents who struggle to find ways to incorporate consistent discipline into that relationships while kids are still in the picture.  It would have been nice to get a little more conversation going around that, but sometimes a topic just doesn't seem to work at a particular time.  And, after all, it is in fact the end of summer, with lots of people working in those last few vacation days.

This week's topic is one that was suggested by a reader a few weeks ago and that appears frequently on many FLR-oriented blogs:  chastity.   Is enforced chastity a part of your Domestic Discipline relationship?  If so, how does it work?  What do you and your partner get out of it?  If it's not currently part of your relationship, would you like it to be?  If so, why?

This is one I am going to have to throw to the readers and hope they drive the conversation, because chastity is not part of our relationship and it's something neither of us have any interest in pursuing.  If anything, we're frustrated at how often work and other commitments and the general busyness of life prevent us from having sex more often.  But. it does seem to be something that many of our readers either use as part of their relationship or have some interest in.  So, let's explore it a bit.

Hope you have a great week.

Dan

18 comments:

  1. Hi Dan! It's Susie. Please don't feel your subject last week was a failure. Consider your readership. The majority of us are 40+ and either we have no children or they are grown and out of the house. Perhaps you should add a poll where you find out how old your readers are and adjust your questions accordingly. It’s surprising how many people don’t discover their “kinky” side until after the kids are gone.

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    1. That's probably true, though a lot of my friends have put off having children until so late that the kids will be gone about the time getting kinky starts to entail, shall we say, performance and injury issues? ;-)

      An age related poll is a good idea. I was, in fact, planning to run more short polls tied to particular Forum topics, but there was a long period where the poll function was not working.

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    2. I just want to remind you that women usually hit their sexual peak post-menopause (age 45+) and men can be quite "active" into their 60's. With Viagra and other ED medication on the market, it can be rather difficult to slow them down!

      Susie

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  2. I think the lack of responses has to do with the one area that married couples with children have to struggle with. Often I think perhaps the children may even suspect but out of courtesy for folks dont say anything.
    Just a thought!

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  3. Dan, I'll take a look at last week's question and comment there. As for this question, yes, there is absolute enforced chastity in my wonder FLM. This might be where the assumptive qualities differ because so many automatically equate enforced chastity with chastity devices. We have a chastity device (CB6000), and for the most part, it stays unused in it's regular storage place. Mistress will only now use the chastity device as an implement of punishment. You see, enforced chastity does not require a chastity device. Frankly, in her mind (and I agree), if the only way a slave husband can be deterred from touching and using his cock without authorization is by locking him up, there are bigger problems in that relationship to begin with. I am a chaste husband! I do not have orgasms without permission. I may not touch my cock for sexual reason ever, unless instructed or authorized to do so. I may not otherwise touch my cock, balls or anus for reason other than to clean them, keep them shaved in the course of what nature intended for those parts of my body that specifically owned by Mistress. As such, if I were to violate those rules, it would be akin to cheating on her. Her ownership of my sex, in all of it's facets was at the core of my gift of submission to her in the begging of our FLM ... and I wouldn't change it for the world.

    What do we get out of it? It absolutely and naturally keeps my sexual attention focused right where it belongs ... solely on her.

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  4. Dan

    I cant state it any better that Sub Hub did in todays posting by him. The few times that I have touched myself for sexual pleasure without her permission I have confessed it to her. The few times I have done this I have come back and begged to service her orally without any release
    for myself.
    Now I find from time to time even though I have not betrayed her rules I have asked permission to service her as the Goddess she is to me. There is a certain heat in knowing I have given to her without regard to my pleasure.
    tom

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  5. Susie again. I realized I forgot to answer your question. Yes, we employ the use of chastity devices on a regular basis, but not for punishment purposes.

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    1. Wanted to add: We have sex about twice a week, and he gives me oral pleasure about 3 times a week in addition to the times we have sex.

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  6. Last week I tried to enter a comment and the system timed out. Then I rewrote everything and the system asked for a password in the middle of publishing and the message was lost again. I just went through that again now and it did the same thing. So three posts....all lost. Very frustrating.

    As for the chastity question...Rosa controls all of my very infrequent orgasms. Mostly by command and honor system but also by means of a locking device that gets plenty of use.

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    1. Hmm. Not sure what is going on. I haven't changed any settings.

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    2. For longish post, I like to compose in a word processor and then cut and paste into the message box. Then, if something happens, the work isn't gone.

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  7. Chasity is part of our FLM and has been since early in our marriage, but we don’t call it chastity and no cock cages or locks are used. My wife was always opposed to male masturbation even while we were dating much influenced by her mother on that subject and believing it was cheating and lacking self-control. She verbally chastised me about it many times when we were dating but it came to a crisis after marriage when my habit started to cause problems in the bedroom. She interrogated me for some time about when I did it and where etc. and her anger grew. I will never forget the time she looked me in the eyes after another failure in the bedroom and said “soon I am going to take control of your cock just as I now control your ass” (She had been spanking me since before marriage). These words both thrilled me and frightened me to the core because I had been secretly ashamed of masturbating behind her back but couldn’t stop. I asked her how she was going to take control of my cock and confessed to her I wanted her to do it. . She didn’t know how but said she would let me know. Soon she had established a policy we still use with slight modifications today. She made me promise to never lie to her if she asked me if I had done it and she committed to asking in the beginning every day if I had or not. If I has masturbated I would be punished with a severe spanking. Later she modified that to make me go in the bathroom before being spanked and jack off not flushing until she could verify I had ejaculated. We went through about three months of hell with this but gradually masturbation became rare for me not just because of the spankings. There was nothing fun about them but I was also motivated to please her and it really bothered me how distressed she got when I had masturbated. Today I rarely masturbate and if I do I usually confess to her before she has to ask and the punishment is administered and we move on. I admit I sometimes miss masturbating and know if I had been responsible she probably would have let me continue. But I am glad she took control and I wouldn’t change things if I could
    Alan

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  8. A cock cage is just a crutch for a man to evade making a real commitment to giving control of his cock to his wife or girlfriend. It’s not so impressive if you don’t masturbate if you are physically prevented. More impressive is a commitment not to do it followed up by monitoring and acceptance of correction if you fail.
    My wife believes masturbation in marriage is akin to cheating. She made me promise to never lie to her if I masturbated without permission and she promised to regularly monitor and question me and to punish severely if I did slip. Severely to her means the hairbrush or belt strap. She monitors by feeling my penis and how long it takes for me to get hard. She can tell almost immediately if I have self-pleasured.
    It took several months and many painful spankings but we got to a point where I seldom masturbate without prior permission maybe twice a year and I am still punished if I do. The spankings have conditioned me to avoid porno and other stimulation that had fed the masturbation habit. I now feel much better about myself and we are both happy we met the problem head on and took care of it. But it takes time and commitment from both.

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    1. The commentator above is saying something really important. Whether it’s called chastity or self-control or just self-respect which my wife calls it, a man really doesn’t hand over control of his cock to wife or girlfriend using a cock cage. It has to come from real commitment. Also even though the spankings I got for unauthorized masturbation were among the worst I still am grateful for them (and I still tell my wife that) because they did cure my porn habit. When you are desperately trying to figure out how to stop the spankings you realize porn is behind most of the masturbation and you learn to avoid it. That worked for me along with my wife’s consistent supervision

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    2. My husband doesn't watch porn. In fact, I watch more than he does. He just masturbated out of habit and boredom.

      Susie

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  9. 1. My wife and I are in our 50s, so children-at-home is not an issue. We created no offspring, but she has 5 boys from her 2nd marriage, ranging in ages from 25 to 33. None visit us with any regularity. Our lifestyle has not been discussed with them.
    However, our house is inhabited by two other men ... in their 50's, AND a young woman in her mid 20s, all of whom are well aware of our lifestyle, and have been on the receiving end of Merry's paddle or riding crop or hand, at one point or another.

    She and I got together via a mutual interest in BDSM, and we knew that enforced chastity is a kink that we both enjoy.
    Before I met Merry, I was single and celibate for over a decade... and had what I would call a problem with excessive and chronic masturbation, which was still a problem for me once I did get together with her, and sex became enjoyable and frequent.
    Still, I masturbated out of ... habit ?
    So, we used enforced chastity... not as a punishment, but as a tool, to prevent me from masturbation, and helps me be ready for those times that she wants to ...get really friendly.

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  10. When my wife and I are together, she decides when and how our cock will be utilized. When we are apart, she entrusts me with care of our cock. After all, it is physically attached to my body. We define cheating as violation of the rules. If my wife were to make a rule prohibiting masturbation, then masturbation would be cheating. Fortunately for me, she has not made that rule. Her rules regarding care of our cock when we are apart are as follows: i) I am not to share it with anyone else. ii) I am not to use it in a way that impedes its availability when she wants to use it. iii) I am not to use it when my chores have not been completed. Violations of rules ii and iii are punishable with a hairbrush on my bare bottom. Rule i is one of our "never violate" rules. Rule iii is the only one that has ever been difficult for me.

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  11. Since I was a teen and first discovered masturbation, I was addicted. I often masturbated 4 to 6 times a day. When I met my wife 4 years ago she was horrified. When I proposed to her she told me she loved me but would not enter into a marriage with someone with so little self control.
    I wore a chastity belt for 7 months and only then she agreed we could marry.
    At the time I didnt realize we were setting the tone of her leading our marriage. I no longerr wear
    a belt but honor her orders that I will never cum without her permission. I honor that rule.
    If occasionally I do beat off alone without permission, I tell her and accept whatever punishment
    she doles out
    One advantage of this is my career began taking off the moment I stopped the excessive
    masturbation.

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