Saturday, June 28, 2014

The Forum - Question of the Week #48

Hello all.  I hope you had a great week.  Last week's question provoked some great responses that entailed some reality testing regarding the extent to which each of us is really willing to take on a 24x7 Domestic Discipline role, whether as the giver of discipline or the receiver.  This week, I underwent a bit of unexpected reality testing of my own regarding the extent to which I am really ready for a full-on Female-Led Marriage, including in the context of being directed or led, but without spanking involved.



How am I reacting?  It's mixed.  Part of me is elated that she is stepping up into a role that we have talked about and talked about and talked about.  But, when she is actually bossing me around and I have to drop what I am doing to serve her, I resent it to my core.  I have always had such deeply ingrained anti-authoritarian tendencies--to the point that one could truthfully call it my defining characteristic--it is just really, really hard for me to take orders from another person without bristling.  I've learned to do it a bit in the work world (but only enough to avoid getting summarily fired), but to be subjected to someone's orders at home is a new experience.

Well, at least, it is a new experience when it is happening as part of our daily interactions, as opposed to when she is informing me that I am going to be punished or when we are in the middle of a punishment session.

Which brings me to this week's question:  Would you still be into the idea of a Female-Led domestic discipline relationship if it did not involve spanking?  What if the spanking aspect were wholly removed and it was, instead, just about living under someone else's direction or control?  Or, for our Disciplinary Wives, is the spanking element of your DD relationship a necessary part of it for you, or would you be OK with the relationship if you got to exercise control over your mate but spanking was not part of the picture?

I hope you all have a great weekend.  As always, take a moment to leave a comment in the Guestbook or contribute something to the User Stories.

Dan

14 comments:

  1. Ooooooh.
    Good question.
    For me,.... probably NOT (into the idea of an FLR sans spanking).

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    1. Yes, I thought this one would kind of get at the root of each persons relative motivations, i.e. the extent to which it is the spanking or the dominance that is most important to them. For me the answer is pretty simple. I really do NOT like being bossed around. But, I also think that learning to submit to another's authority is something I really need just to balance myself out, and to give some more self control so I stop over-reacting at work whenever anyone in authority tries to direct or temper my actions. It is kind of like doing cardio workouts -- I hate every minute of them but know they will do me good in the long run.

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    2. Dan
      To my mind the spanking or any disciplinary action taken by the wife is much like a wedding vow. It is the way the husband says I Do and I accept you as the authority I need.

      anna

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  2. I enjoy the spanking aspect more than anything. To just boss him around isn't my idea of fun. I also like to use please and thank you often. He knows I mean for him to do whatever it is now, but the whole being polite is ingrained so deeply that I tend to feel guilty if I don't say it.
    Susie

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  3. Dan, I think we are many faceted beings. The mistake people often make is to see themselves as this sort of person or that sort of person. The part of yourself that bristles when being given commands is as much a part of you as the submissive side. I think a therapist type person would say that you have to take 'ownership' of both of those aspects of yourself. Neither of them is going to go away any time soon and I doubt whether you are going to start being a perfectly submissive guy at all times by your wife ordering you about more often. Your wife sounds like she is an amazing person and you are fortunate indeed that she meets your needs in this way. It is good fun to experiment by having her giving these orders/commands and seeing how it makes you feel. The one thing that you said that made me wonder a bit is when you said that you would play these sorts of games when the children were about even if it risked them experiencing a level of confusion. I doubt if that is a very good idea for them to see you being ordered about in this way. I think for them to witness this runs the risk of them getting used to seeing one parent treating the other with a level of what could appear to them to be a lack of respect. Can that be a good thing ?

    Your question about whether we would want the control without the spanking is (as ever) a good one that gets at the heart of the matter. Personally I would not. I adore being spanked and along with that goes a certain attitude from the spanker. Its two sides of the same coin for me. But hey, just just me. I may be wrong but suspect that this goes for most of us here.

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  4. In our DD marriage, discipline is a key to preventing my misbehavior. If there were no consequences for my actions, our marriage would be back to where it was before DD. Back then, my wife was embarrassed by my actions in public and disappointed that I was not very cooperative at home. If there was no punishment (including spankings) I would not be motivated to comply with her wishes. I have learned that she is usually correct in her opinions and life choices. Punishments, including spankings, also help to reset my outlook and get be back on the right path.

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  5. In our situation, I'm not sure this would work. I asked my wife for DD (and admitedly we're just starting down this path on a more consistent basis) because I want to be a better husband, and the application of punishment when I am neglectful is a helpful (if very painful) reminder. While there's no denying that I want to avoid the punishment that she will dish out, and avoid her having to dish out some discipline, on some level it is something I probably need for this to work towards my being a better spouse.

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  6. A FL-DD relationship is one that applies 24/7, but it is mostly implicit (at least in our case), and spanking - the frequency of which depends on my behavior - is an integral part of it. In other words, the rules must be obeyed - and transgressions will be immediately punished. It's up to me to behave in such a way that it doesn't happen too often (although she is the only judge of that! )

    A.

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  7. Yes, I believe I still would into the idea of my Female Led Marriage, without question, if it did not include spanking. That being said, it would have to include some kind of punishment that had the effect of being unpleasant enough to correct bad, unpleasant or disrespectful behavior. Thank God this is only a "what if" question and not reality. I love/hate my spankings. I hate them because they hurt and because they are indicative of something I have done wrong in my Mistress's eyes, which truly disappoints me internally. I love them because when the spanking is over, the slate is washed clean.

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  8. Hi Dan,

    Sorry I’m a week behind but this question was too good to miss out on give my three-penny worth (that’s olde English money!).

    I’d like to think that I’d accept Mistress’ direction whether she used corporal punishment or not in our FLR but, in all honesty I’m not sure if that would ever happen.

    Whenever we have a discussion about how our FLR is progressing I always accept that Mistress has the authority to run the house as she sees fit.

    However I can’t really see her ever not resorting to her cane to discipline me. I say this for several reasons. The first is that she actually enjoys correcting the error of my ways and seeing me suffer for my failings. Not in a nasty sadistic way – but in a way that it my suffering atones for upsetting her or disappointing her.

    Secondly corporal punishment is such an effective way of clearing the air – and is one of the reasons she was so keen to use it in the first place because she could appreciate the effect it had on me (to bring me back in line to accept her authority) and also the effect she felt in disciplining me.

    And thirdly, Mistress started caning me because she knew I had a ‘need’ to feel the cane from time to time. At first it was playful but as Mistress become more adept with the cane, and grew with confidence in her authoritarian role, she began to see the benefits of the cane as an instrument for correction of real issues. I was the one who suggest a DD regime – but it was her who fully embraced and generally administers her discipline with great gusto.

    So I guess what I'm saying is that our DD regime is likely to remain in place - but if Mistress suddenly decided to hang up her cane for good, would I have any say? Very unlikely.

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    1. Better late than never! Thanks for the contribution. Like you, I think it is very unlikely that my wife would ever stop viewing discipline as wholly separable from spanking.

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  9. Oh I did very enjoy reading this. Is there anything more splendid than a wife/partner who understands the need for discipline and applies it with gusto !! Sounds super, thanks to 'Respecting Mistress' - would love to hear more about the ups and downs of life in your house !

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  10. I have had difficulty posting. My husband after years of repressing his need finally shared his experience of being spanked by my mom. At first I thought his need and story a bit absurd. After listening I heard him say he needed to be controlled . All these years later I take control and now enjoy spanking him and his behavior after. This arrangement wherein he gives me total control works very well for us

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    1. Thanks, Sylvia. It's great that he opened up to you about his experiences and his needs.

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