Hi all. I hope you have already
begun a fun and relaxing Independence Day weekend. At least those of you
in in U.S. Though it also is holiday season through much of Europe. So, I
hope a majority of our community are off having fun right now with friends and
family. I decided to get an early start on this week's topic, because I
will be tied up on some other things tomorrow but didn't want to get into the
habit of skipping weeks. And, of course, last week's topic was drawing such a
pitiful response, it seemed best to just put it out of its misery.
Part of this week's topic relaates to one
of our recently closed polls, which asked:
I am [Male or Female] and Outside the Home I prefer to:
Female - Prefer to Follow
|
2 (2%)
|
Female - Prefer to Lead
|
5 (5%)
|
Male - Prefer to Follow
|
48 (55%)
|
Male - Prefer to Lead
|
36 (41%)
|
The responses form the wives were pretty low, but to the
extent they are statistically significant, we seem to get more "naturally
dominant" females visiting this Forum, than those who prefer to follow the
lead of others. The male response surprised me a bit, and it shows the
danger of projection, i.e. of assuming that because you feel a certain way or
come at things with a certain motivation, others do as well. Outside the
home, particularly at work, I prefer--strongly prefer--to be in charge.
Evem my submission at home does not come naturally. But, it is something we do
because it helps the relationship and helps us both balance out our natural
tendencies. But, from the poll responses, it appears that a majority of
the males (those who responded), are really following their "true"
natures when they submit to someone else's authority at home. (I am
assuming, of course, that if a man is visiting this blog and taking the time to
fill out this poll, then he probably is either participatiing in a DD or FLR
relationship or interested in one, but that seems a fairly reasonable
assumption.) I have always believed that many DD males are attracted to
it because submitting at home is a reversal of their more dominating role at
work. But, these poll results seem to suggest I am wrong with respect to
a majority of the males in our community.
For the topic, I will make this a bit of an open
microphone and invite people to comment on the poll results. But, I will also
suggest this area of focus: does submitting in one part of your life make other
parts of your life easier, or harder, when it comes to leadership and
authority? I will give a concrete example. As I said, I have a
pretty dominating personality at work. It gets me in trouble with
colleagues who outrank me in way or another. But, the challenge has
really been playing out with a particular customer. "The customer is
always right." True enough for any business or profession that rises and
falls based on the quality of service it provides. But, we all know that
in reality, customers, clients, buyers, etc., are not always
right. For the last several weeks, I have been struggling with one who
not only isn't always right, he's really just a complete asshole. But, he
also controls a fairly substantial amount of business. Not enough that it
would kill me if he walked away, but enough that it is certainly in my interest
to continue to take his shit if that also allows me to continue to take his
business. But, I really am not very good at that. Submitting
to someone else's authority, particularly someone who is being a jerk, just
goes against every instinct. I also can't say that submitting more at
home is helping much at managing the situaiton, at least not in terms of making
me able to submit more naturally. Where it has helped, however, is I did
ask my wife to make losing this particular customer a spankable offense, if the
loss results from my temper or unwillingness to submit.
This issue can also cut the other way. If you
submit at home, does it make it harder for you to exercise authority at work or
in other situations where authority or commanding others is required? On
this aspect, I feel like DD and FLR actually may be making me a better leader.
I've always been weak at holding people accountable. While I have a
dominant personality, I also don't like exercising power over people. It
just isn't my thing. So, when someone screws up, I tend to fume inside
but outwardly accept whatever excuse they offer. But, I'm finding myself
being more direct lately in addressing under-performance. Less willing to
accept an excuse for failing to do something the way it should be done.
It's hard, but it does extend from an increasing sense that I am increasingly
being held accountable at home when I fail to meet my wife's stated
expectations. I can choose to perform, and if I don't then I am, in
effect, choosing ot be spanked. If I am accountable for
under-performance, then why shouldn't the people I work with be equally
accountable? This whole dynamic also gives me increasing respect for what we
ask of our Disciplinary Wives when we ask them to take on a leadership role
that includes rigorously holding us accountable.
Finally, given the majority of respondents who said
they like to follow outside the home, do you feel like that holds you
back? Is it harder for you to succeeed at work, get a promotion, a raise,
etc., if your natural inclination is to be a follower and not a leader?
And, if so, in the broader scheme of your life, is DD and FLR a positive force,
or something that exacerbates and reinforces a natural inclination that isn't
serving your larger life goals particularly well?
That one turned out to be a bit longer, and weightier than
expected. Conveniently, I gave everyone an extra day to consider it!
Have a great holiday, and please be safe!
Dan
Great questions, and I look forward to a good conversation on this over the upcoming week. Have a great weekend.
