The Club - Meeting 456 - Costs and Benefits of Disciplinary Spankings and FLR Relationships

“Nowadays most people die of a sort of creeping common sense, and discover when it is too late that the only things one never regrets are one's mistakes.” ― Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

 

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly meeting of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline and Female Led (FLR) relationships.

 

Before we get started, I would like to extend a specific invitation to any of our female readers, if they still exist, to move from “lurker” to “commenter” status. While I’ve always said the blog is open to both men and women, one of our commenters suggested I expressly invite our female readers to join the discussion.  try to be more expressly inviting in order to get a little more female involvement.

 

 

I hope you all had a great week.  We were on the road, which is always a little grueling, though it was a fun trip.  There wasn’t any actual DD action during the trip, though there was one incident that illustrated Anne escalating her strictness—or at least her threats—steadily.

 

It was on the last day of the trip, and we were pushing through a long drive home.  Anne has a problem with “back seat driving,” and it was on fully display that day after taking a hiatus for a while. She kept “reminding” me of the speed limit, even though while I often was speeding, it was basically just going with the flow of at least the faster traffic.  I started throwing unmistakable signals that the “reminders” were getting on my nerves.  She responded with something along the lines of, “Fine.  You can drive whatever speed you want.  But, if you get a ticket, I’m going to spank your ass hard every single day for a week.”

 

How did I respond?  I slowed down, reluctantly and resentfully.  Not to the speed limit, of course, but to a speed that was pretty unlikely to get me ticketed.

 

 

So, her threat worked, even if to me it does seem kind of like cutting off your nose to spite your face, since the only thing slowing down really accomplished was to get us home even later.  But, in the end, she got what she wanted.

 

It also seemed to me to illustrate something about “threat” and “warnings.”  I’m not really sure whether in those circumstances a threat of a single spanking would have caused me to slow down much. The odds of getting a ticket weren’t particularly high, and a single spanking might have been an insufficient threat. But, when she raised the stakes dramatically to a full week of daily spankings, THAT got my attention. 

 

Something else that might have worked would be had she threatened to give me an immediate spanking in the car.  Severity, in the form of not just one or two but multiple spankings, clearly got my attention, and immediacy might have done the same.  Without out one or both of those, I’m not really sure if my compliance would have been the same.  But, something that seems to be changing this year is her determination to ramp up the punishment to whatever is required.

 

Anyway, thanks to everyone for keeping the conversation going again.  I almost didn’t post again today.  I just wasn’t in the mood and wasn’t feeling the inspiration. But, I felt like not posting was becoming a habit.  So, I looked at some of the recent topic suggestions and started thinking about how to approach it.  Within a few minutes, I went from being not in a DD mood at all to thinking about how, even though I was pretty good on our trip, there certainly were certain things that happened during the week that might merit a session over her knee.

 

The topic I landed on was a very straightforward and simple one from Norton. A couple of weeks ago, he suggested:

 

It occurs to me, since I just wrote about it, that another topic could be about the benefits and costs for you and your wife practicing this kind of lifestyle.

 

While we have comments about costs and benefits of these lifestyles virtually every week, sometimes it’s good to give these “big picture” issues some focused attention. I also think that while we often talk about the benefits of DD, we don’t often talk about what it costs, and we often seem to assume that it has no costs for our wives.  So, let’s talk a bit directly about our respective cost-benefit analyses.

 

For me, the primary benefit of domestic discipline lies in establishing boundaries and guardrails, which I’m not always great at imposing on myself.  I readily admit that I have a personality that is prone to excesses.   

 

 

And, I don’t always do a good job of anticipating more abstract consequences.  Kind of like our “discussion” about my speeding during our trip.  Anne calculated the odds of getting caught differently than I did, and then she amped up the possible consequences way beyond the monetary cost of a speeding ticket.

 

Relatedly, having someone impose boundaries and guardrails balances me out emotionally.  A personality that gravitates toward extremes can be inherently stressful and intense.  I am convinced that our close to 20 years of DD has done at least as much to help bring some balance to my psyche as meditation ever has.  It’s probably no coincidence that I discovered both DD and mindfulness meditation at about the same point in my life as, for me, they address much the same temperamental and personality issues.

 

Then there is the erotic feelings that DD arouses.  While in most of my life I am about as anti-authoritarian as you are ever going to encounter, there clearly is some part of me that gravitates HARD toward a maternal style of imposed discipline and toward being taken outside of my comfort zone.  Near the end of last week’s topic, ZM, GH and I talked a little about the need for “authenticity” and how, for me, that means I have a strong desire to be taken to a mental/emotional state where I am not in control and where someone else decides what consequences I will face for behavior that they THEY decide is an issue. 

 

The speeding thing is, again, a great example.  I did not see the speeding as a problem and, frankly, still don’t. But, Anne decided that it was a problem for her, and then she figured out how to MAKE it a problem for me.  Did I like her decision?  Definitely not in the moment. I resented it and continued to resent it every mile for the rest of that trip – miles in which I complied with her wishes about appropriate speed not because I agreed with her but because she laid down a rule in a way that demonstrated that she didn’t really care whether I agreed with her or not.

 

At its core, there is something incredibly parental about your spouse deciding for you what you will care about and being willing to make you pay a painful price if you do not accept the rule they have laid down.

 

Indirectly, I’m sure that over the years I’ve benefited from DD in the form of better physical and mental health. Given some of my excesses, had trends from 20 years ago continued unchecked, it probably wouldn’t have been pretty.

 

So, are there costs associated with DD?  Of course there are, and for me they tend to be the flipside of the benefits that both Anne and I receive.

 

I ran across the captioned spanking meme just a few days ago, and it seemed to me to sum up very succinctly the paradox of the cost-benefit trade-offs these relationships entail:

 

 

This year in particular, as Anne has ramped up her control, it’s been driven home to me over and over again that when I’m liking our regimen the least is exactly when it is doing its best work. There have been multiple times over this year when she’s given me a hard lecture and harder spanking that I really, truly did not want or sometimes even agree with.

 

But, the ill feelings those brought out at the time were the also the closest I’ve come to the “authenticity” ZM talked about last week.  Those incidents were authentic precisely because, at least at the time, there was nothing erotic about them and, instead, they represented instances of her imposing her will at times or in ways when I very much did not like it.  In fact, authenticity is perhaps the most real “cost” that “real” DD imposes, even if it is simultaneously something many of us crave.

 

There is also a cost to me that varies directly in proportion to one of the biggest benefits Anne receives, namely the ability to communicate to me directly and concretely her dissatisfaction.

 

 

I do get a better sense of balance and psychic well-being from having guardrails imposed. There also are psychic benefits involved in behaving better and not causing problems for myself.  But, the cost of that improvement is the most straightforward cost of all – hard, painful punishments that lead me to want to walk the straight and narrow more often.

 

Perhaps the hardest “cost” associated with the more FLR-oriented aspects of our relationship is being truly, genuinely, kept under someone else’s control and being subject to their decision-making authority. It all is fodder for so many fantasies . . . right up until she exercises her authority in a way you truly do not like.

 

 

Even my fantasies of being taken far beyond what I think I can take, and in a way that feels as close as we can get to non-consensual, have the inevitable cost of, by definition, being taken there by virtue of her decision, not mine.

 

 Anne obviously gets the benefits of having a better-behaved husband and getting her way more often. But, are there costs?  I’m sure there are or have been in the past.

 

Anne was one of those wives who took to the DD relationship I asked for far easier than I feared she might.  Still, I think it took a while before she really embraced the authority and power. Today, I suspect this captioned meme sums up how she feels most of the time:

 

 

She has told me that she gets off giving me orders or imposing limits, especially when my reaction makes it clear that I really dislike complying.  I also think that, while she is not a sadist, she gets that spankings must hurt to be effective and, for that reason, she wants them to hurt.  I think she probably gets off on the whole thing more than she sometimes lets on, and I know she gets off on making me feel nervous and vulnerable. 

 

I do think one cost associated with exercising control is learning to lead and to do so responsibly.  It’s not easy being in charge, even if it may have a lot of benefits.  I suspect it sometimes seems like a duty or obligation.

 

 

I do know that she sometimes struggles with the simple logistics of figuring out how to make time for a spanking in the midst of a busy day.  She’s told me that when she does think of DD, it’s often in the context of figuring out when to announce one is coming and how to fit it into whatever else she has going on.

 

How about you? What benefits do you get from your DD and FLR relationships? What are the costs involved? 

 

Ladies, what benefits do you get from imposing painful consequences on your husband or from exercising more authority than you might in a traditional marriage? Are there costs associated with those benefits, or is it all upside?  If there are trade-offs, are they worth it?

 

Have a great week.

 

 

No New Post This Week (Probably)

Hi all.  I hope you all had a good week. Thanks for your insightful comments on crying, among other things.

Anne and I just got back from a trip, and I find myself lacking both energy and inspiration.  Therefore, I don't have a topic in mind for this week.  If there is anything any of you would like to discuss, feel free to try to get a topic rolling.

The Club - Meeting 455 - Verbalizing, Tears, Letting Go and Accepting One's Place

"I was better after I had cried, than before--more sorry, more aware of my own ingratitude, more gentle.” - Charles Dickens from Great Expectations

 

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly meeting of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline relationships.

 

Before we get started, I would again like to extend a specific invitation to any of our female readers to move from “lurker” to “commenter” status. It’s been too long since we heard from women who are either in F/m domestic discipline or Female Led Relationships, or positively interested in it.  Please think about joining in.

 

 

Can I just say, I really, really love this time of year!  Other than Christmas, Halloween is my favorite holiday, and I just love this entire season.  I spent yesterday afternoon putting up Halloween lawn decorations, though the woman across the street beat me to it, as usual.  Unfortunately, our travel early in the month threw me off a bit, and I feel like I’m a little late to the party. And, there is still work left to do, like getting pumpkins.

 

 

Speaking of being late, just an FYI, we are traveling again later this week and won’t be back until early next week.  I do plan to post but probably won’t get to it until Tuesday.  I know that my posting schedule is getting less predictable, but I think that’s likely to be the new norm. My post-retirement schedule is more flexible, but we finally seem to be getting into a more adventurous groove in which more of that flexible time is spent traveling, which means blogging will be fitted in more flexibly, though hopefully without a big drop in frequency.

 

I thought we had a good discussion last week about telling others about our DD relationships.  Though, Alan kind of summed up my own thoughts, and added some “what if” food for thought/fantasy:

 

I am somewhat surprised by the comments indicating reluctance or reticence in discussing TTWD with other males who have been identified as in, experiencing or otherwise understanding or understanding F/M discipline. In fact, one of my unfulfilled fantasies is to be seriously disciplined together with another male under female authority his wife and my wife both acting as independent disciplinarians.

 

There are probably many causes of this fantasy including seeing how another DD couple handle discipline But I think a major reason for the fantasy is the opportunity to have conversation and possibly friendship with a male who has the same emotions, desires and experiences I have had. I have shared much of that with my wife (and earlier with my former GF) but seeing another male under discipline or him seeing me might presage an openness and vulnerability very different from that experienced with the opposite sex.

 

This may be one of those fantasies better left in fantasia. And if it actually was fulfilled, the experience could be very different from the fantasy. However, I think the benefits of being in face to face, person to person zoom-less connection with another male under his wife’s authority would end up a very positive experience.

 

I share some of Alan’s surprise that, while some were open to telling others about this lifestyle, there was also a lot of resistance to talking openly to anyone about it, particularly other males.  Admittedly, while I’m open to it in theory, in practice I haven’t done much to open myself up that way.   

 

It’s also probably one reason why I haven’t tried more diligently to try to morph this group into something more truly DWC-like. I’m not quite sure how Aunt Kay, Jerry and others built a real face-to-face community around this thing we do, when so many of us are so resistant to that kind of openness, but somehow they did. Maybe it was just a more open, experimental time?  On the surface, we’ve become more tolerant of kink, but so much of it is consumed on-line.  Maybe solo access actually inhibits group participation?  Hard to say.

 

This week’s topic extends, for me, from one of ZM’s comments last week regarding “memorable” spankings:

 

Another very significant and memorable one was when she spanked me to tears. She has spanked me sort-of to tears other times, where I was on the verge or perhaps beginning to cry, but this one was different. I had had several bouts of bad attitude, and she informed me beforehand that I was going to be spanked, and it would continue until I was in tears. The combination of her telling me beforehand that the spanking would only end with me in tears, a horrible Delrin cane, and her employing the diaper position definitely did the trick. She stopped spanking shortly after I began crying. She said she would have liked to go longer, but it was hard to see me cry. I kind of have a feeling that if we get to this point again, she would be more comfortable pressing on with it.

 

While he’s related that story before, it came up in a conversation between Anne and I, and it could lead to another of those milestone moments.  Maybe.

 

 

A couple of weeks ago, some of us here posted spanking videos that seemed sort of plausible or similar to the kind of disciplinary spankings we received. Something that jumped out at me was that most of the recipients were a lot more vocal than I am while being spanked.

 

When being spanked, I definitely trend toward the stoic end of the spectrum. While I do exclaim, gasp, and groan, I don’t really use words.  I don’t say how hard it hurts, or how I can’t take it, or ask her to stop.

 

Some women may like it that way.  In fact, one of the first stories I ever read on the Disciplinary Wives Club website, entitled Pretty Legs II, involved one disciplinary wife disciplining another wife’s husband and becoming exasperated that he was “crying and begging for mercy” and couldn’t “even take his spanking like a man.”

 

Yet, while vocalizing may on the surface seem like a form of resistance, I think on some level trying to stay stoic is, at least for me, absolutely a subtle way of resisting authority. 

 

One of my biggest emotional attractions to domestic discipline was the prospect of having to give up control but, the reality is, twenty years into this I still find ways to maintain that control, and one of them probably is trying to “man up” while being spanked.  As long as I don’t vocalize how badly it hurts and how much I wish it would stop or, worse yet, let her bring me to tears, then I’m not really giving in to it.  It’s a very subtle form of control, but control nonetheless.  

 

ZM’s post came up in my conversation with Anne, because after the “videos” post I told her that I was thinking about trying to let myself go verbally a bit during, and maybe even before spankings.  It could take many forms. Maybe, instead of trying to delay spankings in my usually passive way, I come right out and ask tell her I’m afraid to be spanked and ask her not to. As long as she knows that she absolutely should NOT let me out of it, it allows me to own up more to what I’m actually feeling and gives her a chance to express her authority by reinforcing verbally that I am, in fact, going to be spanked whether I like it or not.

 

Similarly, crying out during a spanking about how much it hurts, telling her I can’t take any more, begging her to stop, all might be more honest and open than my usual stoicism, while again giving her a chance to take more demand by not giving into my pleas and, in fact, letting me know that it’s going to keep going and going.

 

Anne’s reaction to the prospect of me being more verbal was quite positive. She said it would be an indication that she was doing a really good job and that I was really learning a lesson.

 

 She also said that she thought it would help humble me. I asked whether that was one of her express goals, and she didn't hesitate in saying that it is.

 

Which brought us to . . . crying.  There have been times I have gotten close to real tears, but I always “man up” in the end.  ZM’s wife got around that by making it clear that the spanking would not be over until he cried real tears.

 

Anne has never given me that kind of ultimatum.  In fact, I’ve always gotten the sense that she was kind of reluctant to take me to that point, maybe because of her own reaction.

 

This time, however, when I talked about ZM’s story, including that his wife did find it hard to see him cry, she seemed much more open to it.  She said she wasn’t sure whether she would, in fact, find it that hard to see me cry as long as she thought the conduct that led to the spanking merited a spanking to tears.   

 

 

She acknowledged that, given the way I’m wired, an “until you cry real tears” spanking could take a LONG time, possibly involving an hours-long effort with multiple sessions separated by breaks for any numbing to recede.  I acknowledged that might be the case, though I’m not sure it necessarily would.  I think if she were to emulate ZM’s wife and announce up front that it would go on and on and on until I cried real tears, that might cut off my “man up” instincts in their tracks. 

 

The odd thing is, none of this seemed to phase her, while she used to be quite skittish about the subject What has changed? I’m not sure, but overall she just seems less concerned than she used to be about me suffering substantial embarrassment or other negative consequences on top of the spankings.  A lot of the memes I see about embarrassment and crying involve the wife assuring the husband that it's not something to be embarrassed about.

I don't think that's Anne's present attitude at all.  Instead, I think maybe she's inching toward become more like KOJ's wife (I miss him, by the way) who, in retirement, started caring less and less about asserting her authority openly even if it embarrassed him. To the point of taking him to a private room for a spanking during a busy party.

 

It’s in-line with, for example Anne's sudden determination to leave window shades open when spanking. For some reason, she’s simply stopped caring as much if someone sees and I get embarrassed. 

 

Or, if she lectures me strongly and I get embarrassed or temporarily resentful. 

 

Or, if she gives me a much harder spanking than I think the situation deserved (as happened a few days ago). 

 

Or, possible, if she spanks me until I cry mortifying tears.

 

I did tell her that we both might need to be prepared that bringing me to real tears, after all these years of DD, might work a really fundamental change in our relationship that might be hard to predict in advance. I told her that I can’t imagine that it wouldn’t leave me feeling like there was a very substantial shift in the hierarchy, with me feeling in a very concrete way that my position was firmly under her.

 

We’ve talked a lot about tears in this forum over the years, and people can respond to this post with any thoughts they may have about the subject. But, I hope at least a few people who have experienced it can tell me, am I right to assume that letting go and really crying during a spanking is, in fact, humbling on a whole different level? That it likely will reset the power dynamic in a pretty fundamental way?  That the relationship likely will feel fundamentally different afterward, with her more firmly in charge? Is it likely to make the spanking feel even more maternal?

 

If any of our female readers are inclined to weigh in, have you experienced your husband crying real tears from a spanking? What was your emotional reaction to that?  Is it something you wanted to happen?  Is it maybe even a turn-on to do it, or to consider doing it? If it hasn’t happened, do you want it to?

 

  

Have a great week, and happy October!

The Club - Meeting 454 - Telling Others and How Most Recent Spankings Compare

If we are not ashamed to think it, we should not be ashamed to say it. - Marcus Tullius Cicero

 

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly meeting of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline relationships.

 

Before we get started, I would like to extend a specific invitation to any of our female readers, if they still exist, to move from “lurker” to “commenter” status. While I’ve always said the blog is open to both men and women, one of our commenters suggested I expressly invite our female readers to join the discussion.  try to be more expressly inviting in order to get a little more female involvement.

 

I hope you all had a great week during my absence. We were traveling, which usually is a virtual guarantee that I’m in for a spanking, since any form of travel seems to bring out the worst it me.   

 

 

This time, somehow I managed to keep my worst impulses in check, other than drinking too much but that was kind of the nature of the get-together.  I felt like I not only did better than usual, but Anne actually got to see a husband who shared basically my worst behaviors, but a couple of orders of magnitude worse. I guess if you want to look thin, sometimes it’s good to stand next to fat people. . .

 

Great job to everyone in keeping the conversation going with any help from me. I actually did see many of the comments as they were posted, but I didn’t have a lot of time to respond.  I posted a few responses today, in case anyone is interested.

 

In general, it struck me that we have multiple members who have been in this lifestyle awhile, yet their wives are suddenly stepping up their level of strictness and control.  I’m very interested in hearing details about those continuing developments. 

 

Earlier today, Norton suggested this as a topic:

 

One idea I had was to talk about what has happened when you tried to explain your DD relationship with others. I have never had any luck doing that, and it really backfired when I tried to share it with my therapist. The fact that DD has made me so much more balanced and happier in my life would make it seem like she would want to know about how it worked. Instead, it was evident she was completely clueless about DD, and was mostly concerned for my safety. She was hopeful that someday I might evolve from this desire to be spanked, which made me regret ever bringing it up. When I have dropped hints with friends, they don't seem remotely curious, so I no longer even try. Have you had any luck trying to share your lifestyle with others? That is just the first thing that came to mind, but if you have other suggestions for a topic, please put them up.

 

Alan also suggested an expanded scope for last week’s impromptu topic, but it came late in the week and didn’t get a lot of response:

 

Let's expand this scope also to include:

1. the most memorable spanking you have received

2. and the first real disciplinary spanking.

3. How do those compare to the last spanking received

 

So, let’s do both of those.  I’ll take a shot at Norton’s first.

 

As a preliminary matter, it seems to assume that others commonly do try to explain their DD relationship to others, but I have big doubts about whether that actually does happen very often.  If anything, we males on the receiving end of a DD relationship seem to be very reticent about sharing our experiences. 

 

My supposition that it’s not common gets some indirect support from my collection of spanking arts and memes.  I can find examples here and there of wives sharing, or threatening to share, details of the relationship with their girlfriends.  I have a handful with one of the wife’s friends or family teasing the husband about his status. But, I don’t seem to have a single good example depicting a man telling someone about his DD/spanked status.

 

As for me, I have told exactly one person to date.  I describe her reaction as sort of “polite disinterest.”  At first, I think she was somewhat intrigued, because it was a very new concept, and here was her fairly Alpha male friend telling her he was actively engaged in something seemingly very un-Alpha.  Anne also talked to this same friend about it and shared some intimate details.  This initial sharing happened several years ago, and it has come up from time to time since then. I think she’s interested in it in the same way most of us are interested in what is going on in our friends’ lives.  But, it’s something that I don’t think resonates with her on a personal level. 

 

For a while, I saw an acupuncturist who was very “holistic” in her approach, beginning each session with probing questions about things going on in my life that might be impacting my well-being. I thought about telling her some details about our DD practice, but I ultimately decided not to. I think her reaction would have been similar to Norton’s therapist.  She had made comments about how I tend to do everything to an extreme, and I think she probably would have seen DD as taking a normal need for accountability and self-improvement to an abnormal level.

 

How about you?  Have you tried to explain your DD need or details about your DD relationship to anyone? For the ladies, have you told any friends or relatives that you give your husband disciplinary spankings? How did those conversations work out?

 

Regarding Alan’s questions:

 

When it comes to “memorable” spankings, the odd thing is that I don’t really remember much about any spanking with respect to the spanking itself.  (A form of amnesia that probably is common and explains why so many of us keep coming back for more.) 

 

 

“Memorable” spankings for me tend to be about what led to them, or how the circumstances indicated some fundamental change in the relationship.  Examples might include:

 

·      the first time she made me come home from work for a spanking, and the anxiety I felt every minute of that 20-minute drive

·      the first time she gave me a very harsh spanking for forgetting a chore, as it showed a level of control and strictness that she hadn’t really displayed up ‘til then

·      the first time she spanked me during the day, with the window shades open, as it showed an increasingly cavalier willingness to display her own authority

 

I don’t really recall very much about that very first “disciplinary” spanking, perhaps because it turned out not be all that disciplinary. I had proposed DD to her a couple of days earlier, and after reviewing the Disciplinary Wives Club website, she told me to go buy a brush. I did, but it was the flimsy kind of thing you see in most hair salons.  We decided to do our first spanking that night, largely so we wouldn’t back out of the whole thing. Neither one of us really knew what we were doing, and the combination of the flimsy brush and the OTK position left me feeling not-so-disciplined.

 

The first spanking I really remember with clarity was the first one in which a system we used early on to tally up a minimum number of swats based on various behaviors added up to 65 swats with the fraternity-style paddle. I hadn’t taken anything remotely close to that many up to that point. I recall two things about that spanking.  First, my stunned reaction when I told her I didn’t think I could take that many and she replied that, if that was the case, I shouldn’t have committed the infractions and that I would be taking that many.  Second, I recall being left very, very sore and very, very bruised.

 

 

How do those early and most memorbable spankings differ from our most recent one? I would say our most recent one was pretty memorable in that it was done in a different room and she initially wanted to leave the blinds open even though that room faces neighbors we know well. Once again, it was the surrounding circumstances and not the spanking itself that was memorable.  In terms of how the intensity has changed, I can just copy and paste ZM’s answer from last week:

 

“In terms of severity, my wife obviously spanks much harder and longer than she did in the beginning, but I would say this actually peaked a few years ago and dropped off some. Recently, she seems to be taking the severity a bit higher.”

 

How would you answer Alan’s questions?  What was your most memorable spanking received or given?  What was the first disciplinary you received or gave like?  How does your most recent spanking compare?

 

I hope you have a great week.

Out For a Week

Hi all. I hope you're having a good weekend.  We're going to be hitting the road for a full week, maybe a bit more. 

So, I don't plan to post this weekend and probably not next weekend.  Perhaps I'll get around to something early in the week after we get back.  In the meantime, feel free to keep commenting on last week's topic or explore something else.

The Club - Meeting 453 - A Picture (or Video) is Worth a Thousand Words

“To succeed in life requires a total inability to do anything that makes you uncomfortable when you look at yourself in the mirror.” - Nassim Nicholas Taleb

 

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly meeting of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline relationships.

 

Before we get started, I would once again like to extend a specific invitation to any of our female readers, if they still exist, to move from “lurker” to “commenter” status. While I’ve always said the blog is open to both men and women, one of our commenters suggested I try to be more expressly inviting in order to get a little more female involvement. So, here’s another try.

 

I hope you all had a great week.  Ours was pretty uneventful, except that on the Domestic Discipline front, it kind of wasn’t.  We’ve been at this almost 20 years and, yet, sometimes some small thing happens that seems like a big change.  Or, at least it seems like it might become a big change if it became a regular practice.

 

It all started with a conversation about the lull we had gotten into where DD was concerned, which was partially the result of a back injury I sustained a few weeks ago.  I let her know that things were sufficiently better that nothing physical stood in the way of us trying to get back on track. 

 

I also screwed up my courage to finally just ask outright whether I was right in intuiting that she's been missing the DD action and that she seems to actually want to spank more often.  

 

Well, she admitted that's the case.  She said she's been particularly frustrated lately with my tendency to be snarky and sarcastic and that she recognizes that she needs to be much quicker to deal with those issues and to order a spanking as soon as they happen.

 

The problem is, we’ve had these discussions about her stepping up the level of consistency and being especially strict about disrespect (usually in the form of snarky or sarcastic comments) a hundred times before, but it never seems to happen.

 

Well, the very next day, right before dinner we were talking about a problem I've been having that's kind of like tennis elbow. She asked where the pain was after I'd already pointed to it (twice), and without thinking I let loose with something to the effect of, “The same place it was when I pointed to it the last two times.”  No sooner had the words left my mouth than she responded, "There you go with the snarky tone!  Just last night you said I shouldn't let you get away with that. So, guess what? After dinner, you're getting spanked."

 

It ended up being delayed until almost bedtime, and at one point I thought that maybe she actually had gotten wrapped up in something else and forgotten the whole thing.  That suspicion was reinforced when, about 15 minutes before our usual bedtime she changed into the nightgown she almost always sleeps in. Very functional and not at all designed for sexual titillation. And, she invariably spanks me fully clothed in whatever she happened to be wearing that day.

 

  

So, I was surprised when she told me it was time for the spanking.  But, in another departure from our normal routine, she decided to conduct it in one of our guestrooms instead of our bedroom because, of all things, one of our dogs was hanging out in our room and she decided she didn't want to kick him out.

 

Our bedroom has an ottoman we almost always use for spankings, while the guestroom isn't set up for such activities.  I preceded her into the room and started to close the window shade. She was following right behind me and, when she entered the room said emphatically, "What are you doing?  Why are you closing that?" I didn't say anything and, after a pause, she on her own it was better to close them, because the neighbors on that side of the house have teenage kids. 

As I’ve related before, several months ago she started leaving the shades open during some spankings. But, that was in our bedroom, where the windows face into our backyard and the nearest house is a good 75 yards away with trees in both yards. While not impossible, it’s not likely those neighbors could see into our bedroom and, even if they did, we don’t know them at all. The neighbors adjacent to our guestroom, however, are people we know pretty well, and their house is separated from ours only by two very narrow side yards. So, it is VERY possible that a spanking in the guestroom could be seen.  While she ultimately thought better of it, the fact that she initially was unconcerned about the prospect that someone might see (even if it was still somewhat unlikely, given that there weren’t lights on in their windows that face ours), seems like a big deal.

 

 

Having lowered the shades, she simply sat on the bed, motioned me to get over her legs, and got down to business.  The swats were hard, but she stopped after two or three minutes, which is maybe 1/3 of a normal spanking for us, and said, “Since it was a moderately snarky comment, I’ll let you go with a moderately long spanking. This time.”

 

That in itself is a new development, as Anne has always been very “binary” in her approach to spanking.  All are more or less equally long and hard, regardless of the offense.

 

A couple of nights later, I brought up the changes, telling her that somehow they added up to a spanking that felt both unusually "business-like" and, at the same time, unusually maternal.  She said that was exactly how it felt to her too, characterizing it as being like a mother who was tired of dealing with a mouthy teenager and, therefore, took matters in hand.  

 

  

I observed that part of the maternal vibe for me was her blasé attitude toward neighbors who know us observing, because it was so much like mothers when I was growing up.  They would very commonly take a misbehaving kid out of the room, deliver a spanking, then come back as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.  Or, they would deliver on the spot, not caring a whit who might see. There simply wasn’t any concern about anyone knowing a spanking was in progress. It might be embarrassing for the recipient, but from the disciplinarian's standpoint, it was no big deal.

She agreed it had that vibe, but added something to the effect of, "You could also think of it as a wife who has had enough of certain conduct and has decided she will do literally whatever it takes to make you decide it is in your best interest to stop. If that means the neighbors find out, maybe you'll find that sufficiently embarrassing to change your behavior.”

 

While where all this goes over time is unknown, it does seem like a spanking that was one of the mildest I’ve received in a while might be fairly momentous in terms of what it may portend.  Only time will tell.

 

Onward to an actual topic.  Last week, I provided a link to a spanking video Aunt Kay’s husband sent me that included a very strong “lecture” component, from a wife who seemed genuinely pissed off.  It led Alan to observe:

 

I have seen a couple of tapes from this couple before. It could, of course, be role-playing by an especially talented pair of amateurs. But I think not. What we see here instead is a couple in some sort of DD relationship involving spanking who have set up taping equipment in advance of offensive behavior, agreeing to film the real thing when it comes along. This scene and two or three f others produced by them resonate too deeply with my experiences to not be genuine.

 

One other point, for those who have not recorded discipline, is the surreal effect that is produced by watching yourself get a real spanking. My wife has no interest in recording, but my former girlfriend was interested in it, and we did a few pretty crude tapes.

 

Crude they were, but watching her in action and my response (both verbal and physical) was like the equivalent of having an out-of-body experience. I became the “third person” in the room, seeing it as if I was watching someone else get spanked rather than me. I suspect that the “third person” effect wears off if a couple does a lot of taping, but I don’t know for sure.

 

That led to a few comments around whether people had taken videos of a spanking, and it seemed few have. We have not, though I admit to a perverse curiosity about it.  I would like to see some of the mechanics, like exactly how hard is she swinging, and I’d also like to see the look on her face. Though, I think I’m most interested in seeing my own reactions.  I suspect it would have that “third person” quality Alan references, though I have no way of knowing.

 

 

So, my first topic is really just a continuation of the comments from last week: Have you ever taken a video of you taking or, for the wives, administering a spanking? If so, what was that like?

 

The discussion of the spanking video also led to a topic suggestion from Alan:

 

Re filming a session: It might be interesting if Dan selected a spanking video like the one noted in the introduction (i.e., plausibly real) -and then offered commentators a chance to comment on how much it resembled their typical spanking, in what way, how it did, how it didn’t, etc. Alternately, a series of similarly plausible spankings could be linked, and commentators invited to choose their favorite or most typical one or the one coming closer to their typical experience and why and how. In this way, folks might learn a lot both about what is “normal” for others and what is ideal. What made me think about this is that talking some this week about the spanking Tomy cited made me realize I don’t really have a good sense of what others experience, and I have some pretty strong ideas as to what constitutes a “ real and effective” spanking for me. We all could learn from that.

I like the idea, though doing it justice is going to require some real participation from the group, including providing some of their own clips.  And, let’s not limit it just to “plausibly real” videos, since the reality is almost all the content out there is stage in one way or another. Instead, I would ask commenters to provide videos that reflect either of the following:

 ·     a spanking that is close to what you receive in terms of severity, duration, etc.

·       a spanking that may deviate significantly from what you receive but that reflects your “ideal” or something you genuinely want to experience.

 

As Alan suggested, let’s get into specifics about what is similar to what you receive (or want) and what isn’t, since it’s probably the case that no video is going to perfectly match what you do or desire.

 

I can kick it off and will provide a few clips.

 

I’ll start off with the spanking clip from Aunt Kay’s husband.  This one actually does have some similarities to one of our “typical” spankings.  The duration is probably close to ours, and the position is somewhat similar, except Anne never locks my leg down with hers.  Where it differs is:

 

·      Anne never gives hand spankings.

·      I am always completely naked.

·      While Anne has started lecturing more during the spanking, this video has WAY more of it.  Anne’s lecturing tends to be during very short breaks in the action and, overall, it’s a much more limited part of the experience.

·      Anne’s go-to instrument these days is the bath brush, which would have resulted, I think, in a harsher spanking than this depicts.

 

This next video is one of several I’ve seen from this spanker, and it depicts something pretty close to our actual spankings. While clearly staged, I think this woman’s spankings often have a very realistic feel. It feels very close to ours in terms of duration (around five or six minutes of actual spanking time) and severity. She cycles through three instruments, while these days Anne uses two and sometimes three. The instruments she uses are themselves pretty similar to the ones Anne would use. The primary areas where it differs are:

 

·      Obviously, the recipient is female, but my focus in watching it is generally on the spanker, not so much the spankee.

·      The recipient is way more verbal than I am during a spanking. I exclaim a lot (grunting and gasping, mostly) but not that amount of verbalizing and emoting.

·      The spanker’s pace is very quick.  Anne’s is more deliberate, usually with a second or two between each swat. I admit to being a little curious about how a “fast and furious” approach like this one would feel.

·      The spanker emphasizes caring for the spankee and they hug at the end. This is purely my thing, but I would find that very off-putting during a spanking.  It works best for me when Anne’s words and demeanor emphasize that I am there to be spanked and hard, and I don’t need or want after-care.

 

This last one (actually, more than one) is a compilation from a commercially-oriented service and, thus, the scenes are obviously staged.  My focus is mainly on her bath brush scenes. She clearly is laying into him hard, especially in the one near the end of the compilation. 

 

This clip from the same source includes an acted scene that includes a fake lecture, but she is very upfront that it’s a scene and not reality, so I’m not focusing at all on plausibility.  What I find notable about this one is the very strict tone and the way a simple hairbrush becomes a very effective instrument in her hand.

 

The reason I included the clips of this particular woman’s spankings is, while her spankings are maybe harsher than Anne’s, it’s a matter of degree not kind.  Her swats seem somewhat harder than Anne’s, though it’s not a night and day difference, with the caveat that her clips of paddlings (here is a teaser) do seem quite a bit harder than what Anne delivered back when she used a fraternity-style paddle.  (She hasn’t done a stand-up session with one in a long time.)  I would characterize this woman’s spankings not so much as something I “want” Anne to match in terms of severity and very strict tone, but they are at a level I would like her to feel prepared to go to if she thought it were necessary. 

 

So, forward those favorite clips guys (and gals) and let us know how they do and don’t reflect the punishments you receive or maybe aspire to experience. And, of course, feel free to comment on my clips.